12x01 - Is That Kosher?/Never, Never, Never

[bunniefuu]

♪ Every day when you're
walking down the street ♪

♪ Everybody that you meet
has an original point of view ♪

(laughing)

♪ And I say, hey ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

♪ You got to listen to
your heart, listen to the beat ♪

♪ Listen to the rhythm,
the rhythm of the street ♪

♪ Open up your eyes,
open up your ears ♪

♪ Get together and make things
better by working together ♪

♪ It's a simple message,
and it comes from the heart ♪

♪ Oh, believe in yourself ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ For that's the place
to start ♪

♪ Place to start ♪

♪ And I say, hey ♪

Hey!

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn to work
and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful kind
of day. ♪

Hey!

ARTHUR (over TV):
Hey, D.W.!

Hey!

Whoa!

(loud thud)

(letters shattering)

FRANCINE:
So hungry...

So thirsty.

An oasis!

I'm saved!

Come on, girl.

Head for those trees.

Oh, my bunions are k*lling me!

If you were
in such a rush,

you should have rented
a dune buggy.

Forget it!

I'll walk.

Suit yourself.

Look at all that juicy,
ripe fruit.

VOICE:
Drop that fruit!

Why?

Because I said so,
that's why.

Well, that's not good enough.

I'm starving.

Who are you, anyway?

You.

(gasps)

But why would I want to keep
myself from eating?

Don't look at me.

This is your meshugeneh dream,

not mine.

FRANCINE:
I don't understand.

Why do we have to clean
everything?

Because this weekend
is Yom Kippur,

the biggest Jewish holiday
of the year.

I want things
to look perfect.

Here, Your Highness.

Dust.

Of course, I get the hard jobs.

Are you kidding?

You have it easy.

You don't have to fast,
like I do.

I could fast better
than you any day.

Oh, yeah?

I'd like to see you try it.

Fine. I will.

Oh, please.

You don't even know
what fasting means.

So? I don't have
to know what it means.

I'm still going to win.

Calm down, you two.

Fasting means going
without food all day,

and I think you're
a little too young to...

(door opens)

Bubby!

Bubby!

Oh, my two favorite
grandchildren!

Oh, come, give--
give your Bubby a hug.

Catherine!

Look at you.

Such a beauty!

Even though blue is not
really your color, darling.

And my little Frankeleh.

Oh, you have gotten
so skinny.

Are you feeding her?

Of course I'm feeding her, Ma.

Don't worry, Frankeleh.

Bubby's here.

I'll make you
some real food.

Not on Yom Kippur.

I'll be fasting with you guys.

The child's fasting?

Why?

I want to.

Catherine's doing it.

(sighs)

They grow up so quickly.

Quickly, schmickly.

Listen, young lady,
don't be in such a rush.

Before you know it,
you'll be old,

you'll be eating
mashed peas again

and looking forward
to nothing but nap-time.

You want that?

Here, give me that.

I see some spots
you missed.

You're not going to eat anything
for a whole day?

Yep, from sunset till
sunset the next day.

But you can drink water, right?

No, nothing at all for hours.

I don't think I've gone
without food or water

for minutes.

My Turkish penpal,
Adil, also fasts.

He does it for a whole
month during Ramadan.

Here's his e-mail address.

Thanks,

but I doubt I'll be
needing his advice.

I'm already in training.

This is all I've eaten
since : this morning.

(ringing)

Hey! What are you doing?

I'm just helping you train.

(phone rings)

Hello?

Read residence.

Is this Arthur Read?

Arthur Read who
bought a calzone

at Pizza Paula's
last Tuesday?

Um, yes.

(rings)

Congratulations!

You won first place
in the Pizza Paula's

Pizza Pigout Raffle.

I did?

What did I win?

All the pizza you
and your friends can eat

delivered right to your doorstep

this Saturday afternoon.

No way!

Wait. What's the catch?

There isn't any.

Just invite lots of kids

so I can photograph them
eating my pizza.

Is your Mom there?

Hold on.

Mom!

COMPUTER VOICE:
E-mail from Arthur Read.

"Pizza party at Arthur's house
this Saturday.

"Be there or be square.

Or round."

Pizza party?

I'm there!

Wait.

It's on Saturday.

BUBBY:
No cookies, no pretzels.

It's like living
in a health food store.

(gasps):
What's wrong?

You look terrible.

Are you sick?

I'll go get a thermometer.

FRANCINE:
I'm fine.

It's just that Arthur's
having a pizza party

and I can't go
because it's on Yom Kippur.

Can't he have it
another day?

Get me his number.

I'll call.

I already did.

The pizzeria said it was
too late to pick a new date.

CATHERINE:
A pizza party, hmm?

Yep, I knew there'd
be some reason

you couldn't fast on Saturday.

Well, you're wrong.

As long as you're not eating,
I'm not eating.

FRANCINE:
That was really cool.

I'm actually looking forward

to going again tomorrow.

Feeling a little... peckish?

Nope.

And according to my stopwatch,
I only have...

hours, minutes
and seconds to go.

Your Mom and I are pretty proud
of you, kiddo.

(blowing a raspberry)

(yawns)

Wow.

I'm not even hungry.

This is going to be easy.

Oh yeah, fasting is
a piece of cake.

Easy as pie.

Or should I say...

pizza pie.

I know what you're doing,

and it's not going to work.

(man singing in Hebrew)

(Francine's
stomach growls)

(whispering):
What was that?

Is there a dog in here?

Sorry.

It was my stomach.

Oh.

Listen, I need a little rest.

I'll see you at home.

Francine, why don't
you keep her company?

FRANCINE:
Eight hours

and minutes to go.

WOMAN (on TV):
...glazed pecan buns cool.

Mmm.

My extra krispy lickin' stix
with Mexicali Cheddarola dip.

GIRL:
Sloppy Joes?

Mom, you're the best!

(gulps)

Okay, TV was a bad idea.

I know.

I'll read.

"Food of the Gods"...

"Breakfast at Tiffany's"...

"Who Moved My Cheese?"...

(groans in frustration)

"Little Dorrit,
by Charles Dickens."

"But glimpses
were to be caught of...

"roast beef and blisterous
Yorkshire pudding,

"bubbling hot...

"of a stuffed fillet of veal...

...baked potatoes glued together
by their own richness."

(sighs)

(stomach growls)

"Dear Adil: Arthur's friend
Francine here,

"trying to fast till sundown
on Yom Kippur.

Any advice?"

"Hi, Francine.

"During Ramadan,

"I try to keep my mind off food
by being with friends.

Why not go visit Arthur?"

Hmm, they've probably finished
the pizza by now.

That's a great idea!

"I'll try it.

Thanks."

(doorbell rings)

Hey!

Oh.

Um, hi, Francine.

You don't have to hide
your pizza.

I'm fine.
I just wanted a little company.

Okay.
Come on in.

Okay, pizza lovers.

Let's gather round
for some photos.

Molto bene.

Now just...

Wait a minute.

But...

Now we're
ready.

Okay, kids.

Say, "mozzarella cheese."

ALL:
Mozzarella cheese!

(chomping hungrily)

BUBBY:
Eating on Yom Kippur!

How could you?!

You're no longer my little
Frankeleh-- no, no, no, no, no.

From now on, I'm just going to
call you "F"-- for "Failure."

(laughing)

I knew you couldn't do it.

(gasps)

Oh, what have I done?

FRANCINE:
Bubby!

What are you doing?

What does it look
like I'm doing?

I'm having a sandwich.

It's very dry, though.

Your mother's got something
against mayonnaise?

But you're
breaking the rules.

No, I'm not.

The Torah forbids us to fast
if it hurts our health.

And sweetheart,
look at Bubby's body.

It's a lemon.

I wish I had an excuse.

Let me guess.

You ate some of
Arthur's pizza, right?

It's that obvious?

Bubbes know these things.

Plus, there's a mushroom
on your shirt.

Oh, I'm a failure.

You're not
a failure.

Do you know why we Jews
celebrate Yom Kippur?

It's when we ask for forgiveness
for all the mistakes we've made.

So, what are you,
Frankeleh?

Perfect?

I guess not.

Anyway, you're not required
to fast until you're .

So in the meantime,

there are more
important matters

that need your attention.

Really?

Like what?

Maybe you should
ask Catherine.

She's in the kitchen.

Aha! Busted.

I'm not eating
cake, squirt.

I'm just making it.

And it's for you.

It is?

Well, it's for everyone.

But I was going to put
your name on it.

After all, it is your first
Yom Kippur fast.

You mean, it was
my first Yom Kippur fast.

I stuffed my face
full of pizza at Arthur's.

Well?

Aren't you going to rub
my face in it?

I didn't make it all the way
through my first time, either.

Want to lick the spoon?

DAD:
Kids? Bubby?

We're home.

You must be starving.

I know we are.

So guess what we got.

Pizza!

Oh, how wonderful!

I am so glad you're not cooking.

Paper plates?

What? China suddenly
is too good for me?

Oh, I wish your grandfather
were here to see this.

He would have loved this.

He would have been
so proud of you girls.

BUSTER:
♪ You're in them,
you make them, you sh**t them ♪

♪ It's "Postcards from You!" ♪

And now a video from you!

♪ It's "Postcards from You!" ♪

This postcard was made
by Madeline

from Oceanside, California.

Hi, my name is Maddy, and we
live in Oceanside, California,

and we like to go
to the farmers' market.

Vegetables are good for you,
and I am buying brussel sprouts.

My brother Will
likes strawberries,

and my brother Nate
likes them, too.

My mom likes sunflowers,
and we buy them a lot.

My dad likes celery, and my
brother Will is buying it.

Me and my dad like tangerines.

Mmm, they're good.

Four dollars.

KIDS:
Bye, Buster!

BUSTER:
Our next postcard

comes from Katelyn,
from Franklin, Massachusetts.

Hi, Buster.

My name is Katelyn,
and I'm going to show you

how to make cookies.

This is what I'm going
to use to make cookies:

flour, milk, butter,
egg and sugar.

It's very sticky.

Make sure you have a grown-up
put the cookies in the oven.

They'll cook for eight minutes.

My favorite part is
when I decorate them.

I'm making these cookies
to celebrate spring.

Here you go, Buster.

D.W.:
Now presenting a play about...

Love.

There are all kinds of love,
like this kind...

Icky, I know.

Luckily, it's just
for grown-ups.

Then there's this kind of love.

"Hi, D.W.
You're my best friend.

I love you."

"I love you
too, Emily."

That's a pretty good kind.

Then there's family love.

"I love
you, D.W."

"I love
you, D.W."

"Goo gah,
I wuv you."

"Woof."

"Arthur?"

"Arthur?"

(mumbles):
"I love you, D.W."

"Thanks. I love you all, too.

Even you, Arthur."

Then there's the best kind
of love-- grandparents' love.

"I love you, D.W.

"And because
I love you so
very, very much,

here's... a present."

"Oh, thank you,
Grandma.

I love you, too."

"Wait. Here's
another present."

And another, and
another, and another."

I have to say, grandmas
really know how to love you.

MOM:
D.W.!

Grandma Thora's
here.

Oh boy.

The end. See you later.

Thanks, Grandma.

Good-bye.

Now, where will I put you?

No...

No...

MOM:
Wasn't that nice
of Grandma?

Even though
a half-birthday

isn't really a present-giving
occasion.

He can go right in here.

Aah!

(gasps)
D.W., are you okay?

Uh-huh.

Oh, D.W., this has
gotten out of hand.

I want to pack up the toys
you don't use anymore

and give them
to charity.

(gasps)

I'll go get
some empty boxes.

What?

Why can't Dad just build me
another closet?

MOM:
Sorry, honey.

Arthur had to do this
when he was your age, too.

I'll help you sort through them.

D.W.:
You don't need
these boxes.

Everything
fits now.

Hmm.

D.W., you haven't played with
this since you were two.

D.W.:
No, Mom.
Not Mr. Floppy!

(sighs)
All right.

How about this one?

(gasps)

D.W., are you going to make this
easy or hard?

It's not like we haven't talked
about this before.

Not Barney!

I'll give you till next weekend
to go through your toys.

But I expect you to fill
at least two boxes.

You never, never, never, never,
never let me have what I want.

You never, never, never,
never, never love me

as much as Grandma does.

Okay, I'll give my toys away.

I'll give them all away.

But to someone
who really loves me.

Listen up, everyone.

I have an
announcement
to make.

I'm giving away
all of my toys.

And all you have
to do to get them

is tell me how
much you love me.

Who's first?

TOMMY:
I love you
so much.

More than I love Timmy.

More than I love Grandma.

More than I love my
Power Bots video game.

I love you even more
than Tommy does.

Whenever you play
in the sandbox,

I take all
the sand you touch

and keep it in a little
jar beside my bed.

Hmm, weird... but pretty good.

Emily?

(whispers)
Don't worry, you're a shoo-in.

I don't want to
play this game.

Huh?

But you're my
best friend.

I know, but this is silly.

(gasps)

You're just
like my mom.

She doesn't
love me either.

TOMMY:
Shame on you,
Emily.

D.W. is the most lovable
person on earth.

(groans)

Wait, Emily!

I'm not going
to play this.

Okay, guys,
enough.

Just come to my
house on Saturday.

(doorbell rings)

Is D.W. home?

We love you, D.W.

Wow, D.W., you've done some
strange things, but this...

Aren't you worried what Mom
and Dad are going to say?

Oh, D.W.,
I was so wrong.

Can you ever
forgive me?

Please let me buy you
lots of new toys

to prove I love you.

Don't worry
about me, Arthur.

I'll be just fine.

D.W.:
I can't tell you
who I gave them to,

but it's people
who really love me.

Tibbles.

Arthur.

MOM:
Well, if that's
what you want, D.W.,

but I never asked you
to give them all away.

Huh?

Huh?

NADINE:
Can't sleep without
your stuffed animals, huh?

I don't want
to talk about it.

Hey, I know.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Orange.

Orange who?

Orange you glad you found out
who your real friends are?

(laughs)

Good one, Nadine.

Hey, I know.

Since the Tibbles
love me so much,

I'm sure they'll let me
play with my old toys.

(yawns)

Now I can sleep.

Sure, you can play
with your toys, D.W.

We got a really good game
planned with them today.

(gasps)

Wham.

(Timmy and Tommy
imitating explosions)

What are you
doing?

Playing ambush.

Today it's trolls
versus unicorns.

(imitating explosions)

That's not how you play
with them.

You comb their hair and...

Comb their hair?

(laughs)

No, I don't
like this.

I thought you said
you loved me.

We do love you, D.W.

But we love
battles, too.

(imitating explosions)

Stop it right now or you can't
play with my toys anymore.

They're not
your toys, D.W.

You gave them
to us, remember?

(laughs)

D.W., what happened?

Like you care.

ARTHUR
Why don't you just tell
Mom and Dad?

Mom'll just say
it's all my fault.

She doesn't
care about me.

No one does.

But maybe
you could...

No.

I have a really big
homework project this week.

Of course.

If nobody else loves
me, why would you?

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Yuri.

Yuri who?

You're really on your own now.

(door opens)

Um...

Okay, I know
they're your toys now.

I just wondered

if you could give me back
one or two of them.

Oh, sure.

Really?

Yeah, come on in.

The toys are
all out back.

(gasps)

Just take
your pick.

What have you done?

You want
this one?

Go ahead,
take it.

(toy squeaking)

Stop it.

(Timmy imitating explosions)

Stop it.

Huh?

Pink Unicorn, Dr. Wiggles,
Princess Hermione--

you're all okay.

These.

I want these back.

Oh no, D.W., not these.

These are still ours.

You can have any
of those other ones.

No. You lied.

You don't love me at all!

Give these back
to me right now!

(laughing)

Oh, go ahead and blow, wind.

Rain on me all you want.

I know I did a bad thing

and I just don't care...

Mom and Dad sent me
to come get you.

Are you okay?

Oh, Arthur...

(cries)

What
happened?

The Tibbles are
wrecking all my toys.

I know, it's my fault.

I guess I deserve it.

Here.

ARTHUR:
Hey, Tibbles.
Open up.

Guys?

We need to have a talk.

(muffled voices arguing)

NADINE:
Knock, knock.

Not now, Nadine.

No, I mean
knock on the door.

I think Arthur
might need your help.

But you saw how they treated me.

I know.

But looks to me like
Arthur loves you a lot.

Maybe you should show
how much you love him.

I guess that's what love is,
huh?

It goes both ways.

Hey, Tibbles!

Let me in.

Don't worry,
I got them, D.W.

What happened
to your glasses?

Don't ask.

I'm so sorry,
Arthur.

You're the best
brother ever.

I'm going to save up
every allowance

until I buy you
new ones.

That'll take years.

Then I'll figure out
something else.

Buy a used toy to help
the Arthur Read Glasses Fund.

And if I make enough, I want to
buy you a present, too, Mom.

That's sweet
of you, honey.

But I want to prove
that I really love you.

You don't have
to prove it.

I'm really sorry what
I said to you last week.

You're my best friend and I
really, really care about you.

So I want to give you this.

Oh, thanks, D.W.

Do I have to say
something for it?

Nope.

I'm never, never, never,
never, never, never, never

going to ask you to do
anything like that again.

EMILY:
That's a lot of nevers.

D.W.:
That's love.

♪ Every day when you're
walking down the street ♪

♪ And everybody that you meet ♪

♪ Has an original
point of view ♪

♪ And I say, hey ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ What a wonderful kind
of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ What a wonderful kind
of day ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ What a wonderful kind
of day ♪

♪ Hey! ♪