08x02 - Fernfern and the Secret of Moose Mountain/Thanks a Lot, Binky

[bunniefuu]

# Every day you walk down the street Everybody that you meet

# Has an original point of view

- # And I say, hey!
- Hey!

# What a wonderful kind of day We can learn to work and play

# And get along with each other

# You gotta listen to your heart Listen to the beat

# Listen to the rhythm of the street

# Get together, make things better By working together

# It's a simple message And it comes from the heart

# Believe in yourself For that's the place to start

- # And I say, hey!
- Hey!
- What a wonderful kind of day

# We can learn to work and play And get along with each other

# What a wonderful kind of day, hey! What a wonderful kind of day, HEY! #

- Hey, DW!
- Hey!

Whoa! Ow!

- This map doesn't show a river.
- Treacherous topographers!

Trying to throw us off the trail!

- Well, there's no getting around it - we must cross, eh, Waggy?
- Woof!

- Lights out!
- I'm reading Zutzut And The Temple Of The Condor.

You need to sleep. Tomorrow you're climbing a mountain like Zutzut.

You're right - tomorrow will be MY adventure,

Fernfern And The Secret Of Moose Mountain.

Welcome to Moose Mountain. My name's Ranger Jackie.

I'd be happy to answer your questions.

Any chance of seeing a pie-billed grebe?

A bird watcher! Here's a pamphlet of all the species you might see.

What about rocks, like yellow quartz or crystal?

A geologist! Here's something on Moose Mountain's rock formations.

- What about shopping?
- We have a great gift shop here!

- Check out these hats!
- It's time to expand your retail horizons.

You should carry one of these - it's a global positioning system.

I got it at the Sherpa Image.

Our position is steps, degrees N by NW from our van. Whatever!

Now I'll ask it to give me the location of the nearest mall.

miles away! We've fallen off the face of the earth!

What can you tell me about the dark side of the mountain?

- What?
- You know, a little history,

like an abandoned goldmine haunted by those who died there

driven mad by their greedy obsessions!

Or a ravine with the remains of a wagon that plunged over the side,

the bones and dreams of pioneers crushed and shattered on the rocks.

Or a desolate campsite where explorers shared their last rations

before disappearing forever into the harsh, silent wilderness.

Mercy, no!

- Hi, Ranger Jackie. Don't worry, I've got a map.
- Hi, Frankie.

Francine's dad used to bring her here. What route are you taking?

We're going north on the blue trail straight up.

- Is the top of the mountain closer to the bottom anywhere?
- No.

That looks like a lot of hiking. How long is this going to take us?

It usually takes us three hours,

but today I intend to set a new record.

OK, happy hikers. I'm going to assign each of you a hiking buddy.

Dad! I don't need a buddy! I could do this trail with my eyes closed!

That's why you're Fern's buddy - Fern's new and you're an old pro!

Prunella and Jenna, you two are buddies. Muffy, I'll be your buddy.

Fine, but you should know I'm not obligated to complete this hike

and reserve the right to exercise the bail-out clause at any time.

Um, OK.

Remember, stick with your buddy and look out for each other.

Keep up or get lost!

Francine, pace yourself, kiddo!

Just double knot it. We're losing time.

Move it, Fernfern, you sloth-footed slowpoke!

May I remind you one wrong move could trigger a rockslide.

Plotting, perambulating pedestrian!

RUMBLING

- AGH-HHH!
- Francine, stop!

We're all back at the rest area. It's time for lunch.

If I ordered a pizza from here,

we'd have to wait hours and minutes for delivery,

assuming good traffic conditions.

Hey, everybody, look! It's so cute.

Don't scare him. This'll be a great picture!

[ Hey, little guy!

- The map!
- OK, lunch is over. Let's hit the trail.

- But we have to find the...
- I told you - I know the way. Let's go now!

A rope bridge! Zutzut crossed one of these in the Pearl Palace.

- Come on, then.
- Um... Francine, I have to go to the bathroom.

Go into the bushes over there and make it quick!

No way. I'm going back to the rest area.

You're on your own. I'm ahead of schedule and I'm not going back.

Can you still hear me, Daddy? Great! How about now? Great! And now?

- Hey, roadrunners, everything OK?
- Fern has to go to the bathroom... indoors.

OK. We're not far from the rest area.

- You two go back and we'll wait here.
- She can go by herself.

That's not how it works. Fern is your buddy.

Either way, I really need to go now!

Francine Alice Fransci!

We've lost minutes and seconds.

I know a short cut that'll get us back faster. Come on!

- Francine, make up your mind!
- Quiet! I'm thinking.

- Are we lost?
- No. I'm just not exactly sure where we are.

Yay, we're lost! Now we can have our REAL adventure!

Oh, no, the map! How will we know which way to go?

Relax, this kind of thing happens to Zutzut all the time.

Ah! A stream. Perfect.

In the Jade Crocodile,

- Zutzut uses a stream to find his way to a lost city of gold.
- So?

We're not looking for a lost city of gold.

No, but water flows down, right?

If you follow the stream against the current,

it'll take us to the top of the mountain. This'll be great!

- In the Sapphire Goblet, Zutzut gets marooned on an island of man-eating tortoises.
- Where did the stream go?

A swamp! This is like Zutzut And The Cajun Queen.

We'll build a catapult and fling ourselves across.

We can't build a catapult. We don't even know what's on the other side!

- When Zutzut did it, he...
- Who cares what Zutzut did?!

Zutzut isn't even real. Why did I listen to you? This was stupid!

Taking that short cut was even more stupid.

Why couldn't you go to the bathroom in the bushes? I bet Zutzut does!

- He does not!
- I'm going!
- I'm crossing the swamp!

See if I care!

Agh!

Ah!

SHE GRUNTS

- Fern!
- ]

Francine!

I'm stuck!

Hold on!

My shoe!

Whatever happens, we have to stick together.

- I'm no Zutzut!
- No, but you're pretty good at figuring things out.

If we can figure out which way is north,

that should take us to the top of the mountain.

- In Zutzut And The Jinxed Jungle...
- Ah!

Listen. ..He figures out north by looking at the moss in the trees.

- There should be more moss on the...
- NORTHERN SIDE!

Yes, I learnt that from my dad.

We should be getting close to the top by now.

I give up! Maybe someone will hear us if we scream for help.

THEY SCREAM

A vulture! We must have "early bird special" written on us!

- Someday they'll find us - just two little piles of bones.
- Wait!

People will point to this mountain and talk about the lost girls...

That's a hawk up there! A hawk!

My dad and I always see them when we get close to the top!

Come on!

It's beautiful up here!

Hey, hours and minutes - I beat my record!

- Pretty rock.
- And here's a hawk feather.

Jenna would...

The others!

Francine! ]

Fern!

We are in so much trouble.

Francine! I was so worried about you. Thank goodness you're safe,

but there are going to be consequences for this!

I know. I'm sorry, Dad.

Thanks for ruining our hike(!)

Was it nice at the top? We wouldn't know!

I found this up there. I don't know what it is, but you can have it.

Whoa, this is yellow quartz!

Here's a hawk feather, if you want it.

We were trapped the entire time in that tacky gift shop.

Fake fur and antlers everywhere!

You have every right to be mad, but we didn't get lost on purpose.

'There we were without a map.

True, I only lost a shoe

when the deep, dark swamp tried to consume me,

but were it not for brave Commander Francine,

I would've perished in that bottomless bog.

OK, OK, I'm sold. I want exclusive rights to the Moose Mountain story.

It's a book, but we sell the movie rights before it goes to press.

Of course, we should start thinking serial right now!

'Slam Wilson and General Mayhem have taken their positions.

'Last week Slam used the Filibuster hold, illegal in seven states,

'to pin Mayhem in a gruelling three hours. Will he do it again?'

Come on, Slam!

- 'Slam ducks back, bounces off the rope...'
- Mom! Move!

I'm watching wrestling!

'..has Mayhem in a half-nelson! Now, a three-quarters nelson!

'Now a seven-eighths nelson!

'Slam's putting him in a diaper!'

- Go, Slam, go!
- 'How humiliating! Slam Wilson has done it again.

'He is the undisputed Patriot of Pain.

'Tune in tomorrow as Slam takes on Chainsaw Chuck

'and The Timber Twins.'

I've got a message for you twins! No more Mr Nice Guy.

And to my fans -

I want YOU to watch ME on The Wild World Of Wrestling!

Yes, sir, Slam Wilson!

Thanks a lot, Binky!

- You're gonna do WHAT?
- Keep it down!

Do you want the whole world to hear?

I'm gonna make Lakewood history, that's what I'm gonna do.

Ten bicycles in one jump.

I can do better than that!

Rattles! That's crazy! You could really hurt yourself!

Greatness requires great risks.

- So, you gonna join me?
- No way! I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid!

Suit yourself, chicken.

I am not chicken!

HE CLUCKS

Fine! Let that doofus break every bone in his body!

A-a-a-a-ah!

Huh?

- Stop right there!
- Whoa... Oomph!

- I want to see both of you in my office, right now.
- Whew!

- You too, Binky.
- Me? I didn't do anything wrong!
- I know.

- I need to hear your account of what happened.
- But... Wrestling's in...

minutes!

Slam Wilson doesn't like to be kept waiting.

DOOR OPENS Nice going, SQUEALER.

Binky?

'..the most amazing match in wrestling history!

'Slam Wilson has toppled the Timber Twins.

'From would-be champions to a pile of wood chips, in minutes!'

Great(!)

- I'm sorry, sweetie. But you did do the right thing!
- So what?

You should feel proud of yourself!

I don't feel proud. I feel rotten.

I missed the wrestling match, and Rattles called me a squealer.

He said that, but I bet that deep down he's glad you stopped him.

- You really think so?
- I'm sure of it.

No! I'm not glad deep down! Because of you we got a month's detention!

Why couldn't you keep your mouth shut? Squealer.

But I saved your life!

- Volume, Mr Burns.
- Grrrr.

- Hi, sweetie!
- You were wrong.
- About what, dear?

Rattles! He hates my guts!

What's the point of doing good if you don't even get a thank you?

- Not everyone is like him, Binky.
- Hmm. I wonder.

BARKING

Seven pieces of litter picked up - zero thank yous.

That lawn could sure use a mowing!

HE PANTS

Whew!

Huh?

Here! They were in the locker room.

Someone must have lost them.

Mommy! Somebody took all my clothes while I was in the shower!

Here, Mom. I'll do that tonight.

Oh! Why, thank you, Binky!

Finally.

Um, dear? What about the rest of the dishes?

You mean I have to do ALL of them?

Well, you offered, so I thought...

What? That for one measly thank you I'd sl*ve away all night?

That's it! I'm through with being nice!

From now on, no more Mr Nice Guy!

That was my last nice act, EVER!

There. THAT was my last nice act ever.

I'll show everyone.

Won't have Binky Burns to kick around any more.

- ENGINE REVS LOUDLY
- Aah!

So, you wanna be Mr No More Mr Nice Guy now, huh?

I...yes! No! I mean...

- I'm sorry I stole your line! Please don't hurt me!
- Ah, that's OK.

I just want to make sure you know what you're getting into.

- Hop on.
- Are you gonna show me some moves, Slam?

Yep. YOUR moves, Binky Burns.

- Where are we?
- The lake.

Heh heh. That's me!

And there's Big Blue! I was trying to catch him for bug week.

- You finally caught him, right?
- Yeah. But then I let him go.

I bet that lousy lepidopteran never even thanked you!

Well...no!

So, why'd you do it?

I don't know. I just wanted to.

DOG WHINES

Wow! I never knew what a nice guy I was!

Yep. I wonder what Elwood City would be like without you.

- Who's that?
- Nurse! Nurse, I have an itch!

It's Rattles! Oh, easy, buddy!

- I'll help you. Where does it itch?
- He can't hear you, Binky.

O-Oh...everything hurts.

- I wish I'd never tried that stupid trick.
- So do I.

But you could have been grateful - was that so much to ask for?

Come on. There's something else.

Life ain't always fair, Binky.

- I'll say!
- But you're not the only one who doesn't get appreciated.

Someone works hours a day for free, and almost never gets thanked!

Really? Poor guy.

Hey, that's my house! Watch out!

- That's my mom!
- SHE SIGHS

- She HAS to do all that stuff! She's my mom!
- Oh, really?

I wonder what would happen if she wanted to be No More Mrs Nice Guy.

FLIES BUZZ

Slam?

Where'd you go?

Goodbye, Binkums! Your father and I are going on a cruise!

Another cruise? Without me?

There wasn't enough money in your college fund for three tickets!

But... How am I supposed to eat while you're gone?

Help yourself to whatever's in the fridge!

Slam! Come back!

- You gotta help me!
- HE SOBS

Come back, Slam!

- Whew!
- Binky?

What's wrong? Did you have a nightmare?

Um... I was just getting a glass of water.

Do you want some hot milk?

No, Mom, that's all right! You go back to sleep.

"Dear Mom. Thanks. Love, Binky."

- ENGINE REVS
- And thank you, Slam Wilson!