02x05 - 3:10 to Crazytown

[bunniefuu]

People have always been drawn to the beauty of the sea.

But that’s not where we were last time!

Lindsay’s surfing adventure turned trailer park when a twister ruined her fun.

And DJ was stripped bare.

Nice pecs, dude.

Thanks to Duncan’s gnarly moves, the Gaffers won the first challenge.

Meanwhile, Trent drove everyone nutso with his obsessive “nine of everything”.

While Beth won over her teammates with her intricately woven friendship.

Though the Taj Ma-Harold was cool, the next challenge went to the Grips with their Casa dos Gwen.

Tied at one apiece, the Gaffers were crowned the watusi winners when Trent “accidentally” twisted an ankle.

And Leshawna got down, scoring them a Hawaiian-style luau.

With only eleven left, maybe the Grips will stand a chance this week.

Too hot… to do… anything! Ugh!

My mad skills are leeching out of me. I can feel it. My mojo is in sweat-proof

Can’t you fan any faster?

[panting] You’re hot. But I’m hotter. [laughs weakly]

[sniffs] I can’t be getting a cold in this heat. [sneezes]

Water? You’re the only girl I’d risk catching some heinous virus from.

Heh, that’s uh, sweet, Trent. Thanks. It’s probably just allergies.

Yeah. [quickly] One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.

Sweet! Think I just scored a few extra bonus points!

And we’re back to zero on the relationship scale. Not that anyone’s counting. I mean, besides Trent.

Ow!

Ahh! Chris!

My cranium.

Take it easy. g*ns are loaded with blanks. [blows]

[coughs]

Least I’m pretty sure one of ’em is. [chuckles]

Since there’s no beatin’ the heat, we’re goin’ west this week. There’s a town meetin’ at high noon. Be there or I’ll drive you deadbeats outta town!

[gasps] If you’re driving us out of town, can we go to the mall?

Ugh. Darn humidity. What you think you’re looking at? Nothing to see here.

I’m sorry, do you see something wrong with my hair?

Not from where I’m standing.

Listen up, partners.

In any good western, there are heroes, outlaws, horses, and pretty dames. The hero defeats the outlaw, then rides off into the sunset on the horse.

What about the pretty dames?

None of your beeswax! [chuckles] Just messing with ya! They usually hang out in the saloon during the bar brawl.

Bar brawl? Cool. Hoo, huh, hyah! Huah! Huah Hua. Huah huah. Hah! Whoa!

Awesome reenactment, Harold. Aw, most brawls do end up with the loser in the water trough.

Back home, my peeps and I look out for each other. Harold may be small and strange, but that boy is still my peep. I’ve got my eye on Duncan.

Oh yeah. Feels good.

Enough with the man candy! All eyes on me!

Time for your first challenge. No cowboy worth spittin’ at will go one day without saddle practice.

Time to saddle up!

[horse farts]

That’s the best steed we could afford?

You want a five-star hotel and champagne and caviar for breakfast? Hm. I gotta cut somewhere.

It’s perfect! Don’t change a thing.

Ooh, I love horsies! Justin told me I looked like one. He’s so… great.

I spent three summers at Medieval Steve’s Medieval Camp. We learned to joust, ride horses, and how to look manly in tights. It’s harder than it looks.

Who says a western has to end with a guy and his horse. This is the movies. The guy always gets the girl. Meaning me.

[snickers] You call this a challenge?

Not so fast. You cowboys and cowbabes are gonna have to mount the steed from up there.

Not there. Way up there. SInce the Gaffers won last week, they go first. Don’t worry. Our unpaid interns have assured us it’s safe.

No, no, no! [screams] [crack]

Looks safe to me. [chuckles]

We won last week. Why do we have to go first?

Because I said so. And I’m your host, Chris McLean.

[sneezes] Guys, I really think I’m coming down with something.

Don’t worry. We’ll help you up the ladder.

Uh guys, Gwen really is sick. In her condition, she’d probably fall right off the platform and land on that poor horse. Oh!

What was that?!

Stupid!

[gulps] Wish me luck.

[cheering]

You can do it. Let’s go.

We’re gonna need a new team captain.

I heard that.

[wood creaks]

Break a leg, Gwen!

Break a leg?! That’s what Trent says to me as I’m about to plummet a hundred feet?!

Stupid, stupid!

I can’t do it. Ah… ah… [sneezes] [screams]

Acceleration equals mass times the gravitational constant occasional equational… not good, people! Not good.

[screams]

[horse neighs]

You okay, girl?

Gwen!

[grunts] Thanks. Just watch my left– ow! Arm!

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

[groans]

Whoa-ho! That was awesome, Gwen! Gaffers one. Grips, you’re up.

[sighs] It’s not like things can get any worse. [screams] [grunts]

[high pitched] Or maybe they can.

[shudders] Glad it wasn’t me. Gaffers one, Grips zip. Harold, you’re up.

[screams] Wicked! Ah, ow, ow!

Way to pad the saddle, Duncan!

I think you broke my coccyx!

Gaffers three, Grips zilch!

Goodbye, sweet world! Aw!

Hey! You get back here!

[horse neighs]

[crash]

[fart]

Nice effort, Owen, my man. If horses can bend, so can the rules. Grips are now on the board with one.

[arguing]

Yeah, baby! Horse-jumping rules!

[screaming and whining]

Not the electrical wires!

[zap zap]

Ooh…

Uh, Chris? You are gonna send someone to help DJ, right?

Ha– [pause] [to the camera] “We here at Total Drama Action care about the health and welfare of our competitors. Furthermore, no animals were hurt in the making of this show.”

Uh, says right here, page thirty-seven of my gluteus maximus modeling contract, I am forbidden from any form of jumping that might strain my uh, assets.

Heh. Sorry!

If I go to that big beauty parlor in the sky, don’t let Heather have my hair, ‘kay?

Oh, no. Never. Uh, can I have your hair if you die?

I don’t think so.

[scream]

[fart]

All right! Grips and Gaffers are now tied at three each. It’s up to you two to break the tie. Who wants to take one for the Gaffers?

After you, teammate.

Why is it that we have to stare at your navel all day? Put a shirt on!

Oh, oh, right, right. Because we all love looking at those kumquats on your mall kiosk t-shirt.

At least I have hair.

Your afro is so big, it has its own gravity.

Oh, I’ll give you gravity!

Oof!

[scream]

Where’d they go?

Not there. Way up there!

Uh-oh.

Whaa! Whoo! Ha, bet you’re not laughing at my hair now!

[laughs] Well, I guess you showed her. And by her, I mean the entire viewing audience!

Grr…

Okay, okay. You don’t gotta get my dungarees all dusty. Looks like the teams are still tied at three apiece. To the next challenge for the tiebreaker, cowpokes!

Somebody better get me down now! Hello? Anyone?

The hallmark of any good western is the quick-draw cowboy showdown.

Captains will pick their strongest cowpoke to compete in what will likely be a fight to the death! Haha!

[phone rings]

Yello? Uh-huh. I see. Fine. Our lawyers have informed me that you may sh**t until someone is mildly injured or cries like a little baby.

But a fight to the death is strictly prohibited. Time to pick your cowboys.

f I’m gonna have any chance with Gwen, I’ve gotta find some way to help her out.

The Grips pick

Owen.

What? You wanna use Owen for target practice? He’s a guaranteed hit.

He is a little… large.

Ha, I practically take up the whole road. [slurping]

Owen. Put some pants on.s on

He’s throwing challenges for me again. I do not wanna win this way!

Finally, I think I did good. Man, girls are complicated.

[slurping]

Owen! We needed that water for the quick-draw cowboy showdown!

Don’t look at me! I ain’t lugging any more water in this heat.

[burps] Sorry, I was thirsty.

Okay, new challenge!

Since Owen ruined the last competition, your final challenge of the day will be calf roping.

Where are the cute little baby cows at?

There aren’t any. Grips are the cowboys, Gaffers are the cattle. The cowboys rope the cattle, they win. The cattle dodge the cowboys, they win.

How do we know who’s who?

Grips get to wear these stylin’ cowboy hats. Gaffers get to wear… udders!

You just had to ask.

Sorry. I bet you’ll look really cute in the hat, Gwen. Udder-ly adorable. Haha.

Udder-ly adorable? Aw, stupid, stupid! I’m totally blowing it again.

[chuckles] I have cow udders on my head!

Stupid million bucks

Would the cattle care for some hay?

Would the host care for an udder sandwich?

I’m good. Chef will now judge the competition. Yo, Chef!

Love the dress, Cheffette. [laughs]

Maybe when I change, I’ll come back and untie you.

I can’t feel my arms. [sighs] Let the calf roping begin.

[rope twirling]

Yeehaw!

Oof! Where did you learn to do that?

Calf roping, baton twirling. All in the twist of the wrist.

Whoa! Oof!

Heh. For a big guy, you’re pretty unstable.

And that’s two cows down, four more to go.

Ugh. None of this would be happening if Chris had taken me… [groans] to the mall like he promised.

Aw, sh**t. So close!

Grr…

[blows nose] Okay, this has to stop! Why can’t Trent just play fair?

What girl doesn’t love it when a dude helps her out? Holds a door, opens a pickle jar, helps her win a million-dollar competition?

Can’t catch me. Can’t catch me.

[panting] He’s… right. [pants] I… can’t… ugh…

Got you, cowboy!

Lindsay, I’m on your team. Rope the cattle. You know, the people with udders?

[laughs] You’re funny.

I just found out I have a new neck modeling contract. Apparently, I have excellent tendons. See? See, check it out. You like that?

Not the face! Or the neck, hands, feet, legs, knees, or anything in the chestal region.

Gotcha. That was too easy.

Hiya, sugar baby.

Well, what do we have here? The cattle have roped the cowboys. A bit unexpected, but what the heck. The Gaffers win!

[cheering]

Ugh, aw! Uh, hello? We’re on the same team!

What? You gonna go all medieval camp on me? Haha!

[grunting] I can get out of this anytime.

You Grips are losers. And you know what happens to losers? Which Grip wants to take the heat?

[zoom]

Got anything in a G?

G? Like for Gwen? Ugh! Trent wants to brand himself with my initial! This has gone way too far.

stupid stupid stupid

Haha. Thanks

Legal says branding’s out. Guess I have to settle for booting one of the Grips off in the most exciting Gilded Chris ceremony ever! Now, go shower. You stink. P.U.!

Hurry up, Harold!

Yeah, I have to go pee real bad! Uh, of course, I’d never go in the barrel. [laughs nervously] Okay, I would.

But I have finished sudsing my hair!

Aw, ow! Soap in my eyes!

I’d like one good reason why that punk-haired skull shirted wannabe keeps picking on poor Harold!

You wanna know why I pick on Harold? Here’s a hint. She’s about ye tall, has beautiful brown hair, and could tear you limb from limb.

No it’s not a bear. It’s Courtney. Harold got Courtney booted last season. Yep. Payback’s a–

When happened to bathing in a barrel like the rest of us?

Ah, I figured I’d made enough of a fool of myself today.

Trent, We Need to Talk

Aw, please don’t tell me this is what I think it is.

It’s what you think it is.

I told you not to tell me that!

Trent, you’re a great guy. I mean that. But this isn’t working.

Is this because I offered to brand myself with a G?

No. Well, yes. But it’s not just that. You’ve got your… quirks and I’ve got mine. I get that. But you’ve been throwing challenges for me, and I need to win this fair and square, okay?

What are you saying?

It’s over. I’m sorry.

I hear you loud and clear

So do I.

Tell them what I just heard you say to Trent.

Sorry, I can’t hear you! [sneezes] Head cold.

Fine. I’ll do it then. Trent’s been purposefully throwing our challenges for Gwen.

No way!

That's so unfair.

Gwen would never let Trent do that. Ever! Right, Gwen?

Uh… depends on how… there are other ways to… ugh. It’s true.

[gasps] You two have been cheating? How could you? You’re our friend!

It wasn’t my fault. I wasn’t in on it! I swear!

Why should we believe you?

Because I broke up with Trent.

[gasps] Oh no.

Poor you and Trent.

This, this whole thing could be a ruse! Some strategy to make it to the final two.

Wow. Beauty and brains.

I wasn’t in on it, I swear!

Prove it.

Fine. Vote Trent off. Things have gotten way too complicated between us anyway. You’d be doing me a favor.

Hoho! Great cherry cheesecake! She’s bluffing!

We’ll see about that. Either way, you owe us, Gwen.

The votes have been cast! If you get a Gilded Chris, it means you’re safe. For now.

What happened to your dress?

And the Gilded Chris goes to… Lindsay and Beth.

[cheering]

Justin.

Phew…

And last but not least… Owen.

Sorry, dude.

Sorry.

What? This has to be a mistake!

Trent, it's time to go.

But I can’t leave without saying goodbye to Gwen!

Yo, Chef? A little help here?

Gwen!

3:10 to Crazytown. Trent is now aboard.

Did you call me in here just to make me feel bad?

Yes. yes we did.

Well, it worked.

my work here is done. See all you groovy cats next time on Total Drama

(grunts)