08x06 - Sweet and Sour Squid/The Googly Artiste

[bunniefuu]

- Are you ready, kids?

Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

Aye, aye, Captain!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants! - Ready?

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

- Spongebob

Squarepants!

- Hello.

- Boy, do I love high school.

You know what? Someday we're gonna remember all this,

and we're gonna look back and say...

"Remember?"

Speaking of remembering,

you didn't forget the bikini bottom high school dance

is tomorrow night, did you?

- Of course I didn't forget.

I'm so excited.

- Uh-huh, me too.

Barnacle.

- What?

- Pearl, I'm gonna say this as tactfully as possible.

There's a hideous barnacle

growing out of the side of your face.

- Where? - There.

- Whaa!

- So anyway, I don't even...

- Pearl, it's not really as bad as you--

- whaa!

- Spongebob.

- Yes, Mister Krabs.

- Didn't you already mop this area?

- Affirmative, Captain.

- Well then, why would you mop it again?

- Why wouldn't I?

- Good point.

- Pearl!

What brings you in on such a fine afternoon?

- Oh, daddy, it's terrible.

The school dance is this weekend.

- Ooh, that is terrible.

Makes my shell crawl just thinking about it.

- No, daddy. Don't you understand?

The terrible part is that I can't go to the dance.

- Why ever not?

- Because I have a hideous barnacle

growing on the side of my face!

- Oh, ho, ho, ho,

now calm down there, me little Pearl.

I'm sure it can't be half as awful as you--

great rusty hinge pin of Davy Jones' locker!

- We have to get rid of it no matter what it takes.

- Anything for me beloved angel.

- Okay, I need an appointment with a dermatologist,

a trip to the spa, expensive creams and lotions,

and probably some other kind of...

- I meant whatever you need to get rid of your blemish,

not liquidate me retirement fund.

- You know what? Let's go across the street

to the chum bucket.

- I heard they have better weather over there.

- No! Wait!

This is starting to eat away at me profit margarine.

If I don't come up with a solution fast,

it's gonna cost me a lot more

than a couple of cases of cold cream.

- Oh, Spongebob, how would you like to--

at ease.

How would you like to do your dear old chum a favor

and rid his beautiful daughter of her evil barnacles?

- I will do you this favor, sir chum.

Never fear.

- I don't know, Spongebob.

The school dance is right around the corner,

and this barnacle seems to be getting bigger by the minute.

Trust me, Pearl,

we'll be rid of that thing in no time.

I know just what to do.

- Are you sure?

- One time my friend Patrick,

he had this barnacle the size of an extra-large krabby Patty

right in the center of his forehead.

Anyway, I fixed it so he never saw that barnacle again.

- How? - I took him to see a hypnotist.

- You took Patrick to a hypnotist?

The barnacle.

It became convinced it was a pelican

and flew south for the winter.

We never saw that pelican again.

- I thought you said it was a barnacle.

- What'd I say? - Pelican.

- He was a really good hypnotist.

Now just remain calm,

and this will be over before you know it.

- You're really gonna use hypnosis

to get rid of the barnacle?

- Hypnosis? No.

I'm just gonna pry it off with my spatula.

Hold still now.

- Is everything okay?

- I don't think the spatula's gonna work.

This old, weather-beaten shovel ought to do it.

- Did it come off?

- Getting there.

- Spongebob, how much longer?

Oh, shouldn't be too much longer.

Actually, we can take a break now if you want.

- Good idea.

I got to go scrub my face down with soap and water.

- Okay.

- Pearl!

Pearl, what happened?

- There's more!

- Aah!

I mean, "you're right. There are more."

- All I did was wash with soap and water.

Water and this soap?

- Yes, but why?

- Because this soap smells so wonderful.

That's why.

Mm. I know that fragrance from somewhere.

Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want a whiff?

- No.

- More for me.

Okay, Pearl.

- No, I think one jar of concealing cream is enough.

Don't worry, Pearl. Nobody will notice a thing.

Pearl, I'm home!

Aah!

- Something wrong, Mister Krabs?

- For a second there, I thought a towering, hideous,

mind-boggling abomination was standing here,

staring at me in me own living room,

but then I realized

it's just me own, beloved daughter Pearl.

- Oh, Pearl. No, no, no,

no expensive trips to the spa.

But don't worry.

Spongebob here will take care of it.

If you two will excuse me,

I've got some important matters to take care of.

- Pearl.

Pearl, you've been in the bathroom

crying for three hours now.

You can't stay in there forever.

All right. I'm coming in.

- Aah!

- Look at the bright side, Pearl.

At least you can still play the piano.

- Well, what good will that do me?

- I have no idea.

Don't worry, Pearl.

I'll fix your problem.

- How?

- Well, I'm sure if I think hard enough,

something'll pop up.

Oops. I didn't mean it like that.

Hey! It's that delicious-smelling soap again.

- Would you stop smelling my soap?

Why don't you go make yourself useful

and get me another bar of it?

- Okay. Where do you keep your soap?

- In the basement. Duh. Where else?

- Hello?

Somebody there?

Pearl?

Mister Krabs.

Don't just stand there, boy.

Come help me with this.

There we go.

Sometimes she just gets a little stuck.

- Mister Krabs, what is this thing?

- Why, it's me old soap press.

- Soap press? - That's right.

All the soap Pearl and I use

comes from this machine.

And the best part is...

She runs on % pure leftover krabby patties.

- Leftover krabby patties?

- Their precious essences are harvested,

and after a brief cooling process,

trundle out this conveyor belt

as fresh, wonderful bars of soap.

Fresh and invigorating.

Plus it's absolutely free.

- Oh, that's why it smelled so familiar.

Hey, I don't know about this, Mister Krabs.

If Pearl finds out--

- I've been using soap

made out of krabby patties?

- Krabby Patty essence.

- That's grease!

- Well, if you want to split hairs, I suppose--

- daddy!

- Got to go. You kids have fun.

I'm never gonna be able to get these barnacles off.

My young life is ruined forever.

- Don't worry, Pearl.

I said I was not going to let Mister Krabs down,

and I'm not going to.

What do you think of that?

- The bikini bottom high school dance

was supposed to be my chance to sparkle.

My-- - wait a minute, Pearl.

Say that again.

- Okay.

The bikini bottom high school dance

was supposed to be my chance to sparkle.

- O--okay, you can stop.

I think I have an idea.

- Are you done yet?

- All set.

Close your eyes

and get ready to sparkle.

One, two, three.

Ta-da! What do you think?

- I--i don't know, Spongebob.

What will my friends say?

- We shall see forthwith.

- Are you sure?

- Shh. Trust me.

- Pearl, we're here to pick you up for the--wow!

Pearl, you look amazing.

- I do?

- Well, no, actually not amazing.

Sparkling and shiny and amazing!

- Whee! To the bikini bottom high school dance!

Let's go!

- Have a good time, carefree teens.

- Aah! Me jewels!

Spongebob, me entire collection of precious jewels is gone!

Have you seen it? - Of course.

Pearl's wearing it to the bikini bottom high school dance.

- Help! Police! Thief!

Stop that whale!

- I promised Mister Krabs I wouldn't let him down,

and I have partially fulfilled that promise.

- Oh, boy! The mail's here!

What do we have today?

Gas bill. Taxes.

Letter to Spongebob from gramma!

- Aw, gramma's turning even older.

I can't wait to celebrate! Whoa.

- Sorry, Gary.

I am gonna miss you while I'm gone.

But if I'm not here, who's gonna take care of you?

Hi, Squidward!

My daddy is going away.

Can you take care of me--ow?

- Oh, no. No way.

Look what that disgusting pest

did to my sustainable kelp garden.

He chewed it up. Ruined it.

- Gary, is that true?

Well, I'll see you later, Squidward.

Patrick!

Patrick?

- Patrick, what are you doing?

- I'm talking to my friend, funny.

Hi, funny.

- Ha, yeah.

Uh, Patrick, I need to ask a favor of you.

- What is it?

- I need you to take care of Gary.

- Are you going off the grid?

- What?

- Don't worry. I know what to do.

You're gonna need one of these.

- No, that's not it.

I am going to see my grandma for her birthday,

and I'm trusting my best pal

to watch carefully over Gary while I'm gone.

- You got it. He's safe with me!

- Okay, Patrick. Here ya are.

- What's that?

- It's a chronological list

of all the things you have to do with Gary.

Make sure you do each and every one.

- Got it.

Hey, do you have any more of those

deep-fried, cream-filled, sugar-coated coral balls?

- Oh, yeah. They're in the cabinet.

- Oh. Coral balls.

I'm gonna miss you, little guy.

But I know you are gonna be in good hands.

You can't get to my stomach that way, coral ball.

- Okay, Gary. I'll be home by : .

Uh, Patrick, just to verify,

first you feed Gary, then you pet Gary,

then you ba--

- Spongebob, don't you trust me?

I am the most responsible guy you know.

- You know what? You're right.

- Well, of course I am.

Now go see your grandma.

Gary's in good hands.

Yep. Looks like it's just you and me, friend.

- Hmm. I wonder what we should do first.

You need to work on your handwriting, Spongebob.

I don't need this anyway.

Ooh, I know. Let's go for a walk.

Looks like my tummy is having an argument

with the coral balls.

Ah. Better.

- Oh, hey, friend. What's up?

- Step aside, Barry.

Let me show you how it's done.

Ooh. Let me try a bite of this.

Good stuff.

- Ooh. I wonder what Spongebob's got for me in the fridge.

- I hope you saved room for dessert, Spongebob.

- Oh, gramma, you shouldn't have.

It's your birthday. I should be serving you.

- Aw. I know how much you love sweets,

and I know how much you love your pet snail,

so I made you this special gelatin mold.

- Gary. Oh, Gary.

- He's safe with me!

- Gramma, can I please use your phone?

- Of course. - Thank you!

- Hello.

- Patrick, it's Spongebob.

How's Gary?

- G--oh, Gary.

Uh, yeah, he's fine.

Oh, sounds like you got everything under control.

Oh, make sure to give Gary his bath.

Ooh. Spongebob was right.

You need a bath.

Oh, I almost forgot.

Snail food!

- Well, you got to get the water to stay in there somehow.

Now, Gary, we don't eat the bath.

We get in the bath.

Come on, Gary.

- Oh, don't be difficult now, Gary.

- Gary!

- There you are!

- Oop--oof!

- What now?

Squarepants household.

- Yeah, Patrick, about Gary's bath,

make sure the bathwater's not too hot,

and he doesn't like too many bubbles.

- Yeah, yeah.

And remember to dry him off really good.

- All right.

- And don't forget about the list.

- Okay, I get it, Spongebob!

I get it! I get it!

I don't get these newfangled showerheads.

Gary!

Time for you ba--

wait a minute, Patrick.

We got to trick the snail.

You got to be "smarterer" than him.

Hey, buddy. I got something cool to show ya.

And it's the opposite of a wet, watery bath.

Check it out!

Doesn't that look fun?

Well, make up your mind.

Is it water or fire?

Okay, Gary.

If you don't come to the bath,

then the bath's gonna come to you.

That's a good boy.

Now suds up.

- That wasn't so bad, now was it?

Now we got to dry you off.

Unfortunately, I couldn't find any salt,

so I'll have to use the next best thing.

There. Doesn't that feel better?

Okay. Let's see.

Gary's eaten, he's had his bath.

Time to watch the TV!

Oh, sheesh, Gary.

Well, if you wanted another bath,

why didn't you just ask?

- Oh, dear. Look at all those candles.

Why, if I were any older,

we'd be in danger of burning down the house.

- Gramma, I got to use your phone again.

- Oh, go ahead, dear.

But there may not be any cake left

when you get back.

Squareypants house.

- Just checking in. Everything okay over there?

- Who is this?

- It's Spongebob. Is Gary all right?

- Oh, yeah, he--

- he's what? He's what, Patrick?

Gary is what?

What is happening to them?

They need my help!

Gramma! Gramma!

- Hold on, dear.

Just--just let me finish

these last few candles.

I did it!

Oh, but-- oh, am I tired.

- Ooh, better get you to bed then.

Good night, gramma.

- What a good boy.

- Hang on, Gary!

Gary!

- Wha--! What's the matter, buddy?

- Ah, reading Patrick a bedtime story, I see.

Snail tails. That's a good one.

- Snail tails?

I thought it was called "meow, meow, meow."