08x02 - Drive Thru/The Hot Shot

[bunniefuu]

- Are you ready, kids?

Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

Aye, aye, Captain!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants! - Ready?

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

- Spongebob

Squarepants!

- Bikini bottom action news!

Tonight's top story:

A wealthy entrepreneur who wishes to remain anonymous

is sponsoring this year's sleigh race.

First prize: $ million.

All of bikini bottom has entered,

but only one hopeful will win.

We join roving reporter perch Perkins

live at the scene.

- The tension's building up as the contestants line up

to win the prize.

- Gary and I are gonna try to win the prize

so Mister Krabs can fix up the krusty krab.

Right, Gary?

- I hear ya.

I hope I win so I can buy

all the krabby patties I want.

Good thing I brought out the heavy a*tillery.

Gooey worms.

- Uh, Patrick, those don't move.

- Sure they do. Giddy-up!

Ya!

See?

You don't stand a chance, krabs.

Karen and i--

I mean, my worm and I are gonna whip your tailfin!

Right, worm?

- Ruff, ruff.

- And with the prize money,

I'll topple your restaurant empire once and for all!

- Ha! Where fetchin' money's involved,

nobody topples me.

- Contestants, ready your sleds.

- Excuse me, sir.

How do you think you'll do in the race?

- Hello out there, bikini bottom.

I'm glad I can finally talk

to my adoring fans on television.

- Best of luck to you.

Oh, excuse me, miss.

- On your Mark...

- So long, suckers.

- Get set...

Go!

- Come on, wormies! Giddy-up!

- Alone at last!

Now there's nothing between me and the secret formula.

- Come on, boys!

Get me to the greenbacks!

- I think not, old man.

Turbo boost, Karen.

- No!

I can't let him win!

- Don't worry. He won't.

I will.

Yee-haw!

- Hi, Spongebob.

- Hi, Patrick.

Where's your sleigh?

- I don't know.

- Hop in. We'll give you a lift.

- Come on, Gary!

Locked?

Good thing I brought this along.

I'm gonna need something with more firepower.

- Whoo-wee!

Looks like I lost 'em.

The remote shorted out.

The robots are stuck in high gear.

- Those dimwits don't stand a chance

against my imported worm.

- Hey, what's the big idea?

- Oh, I beg your pudding.

It's tea time, isn't it?

- I don't have time for this.

Tea time.

Of all the ridiculous concepts.

Whoa! Whoa!

- Wow! Look at that!

- Squidward!

Buddy!

He doesn't look so hot.

We better take him with us.

- Good idea.

- Patrick, did you hear that?

- Yeah.

Sandy?

Th-th-th-th-thanks, guys.

- No problem. Right, gare?

- Sniff out the money, little guys.

Come on. Mush.

Wait a minute.

I was gonna feed you, honest.

- Help! - Hi, Mister Krabs.

- I've just been turned into lunch meat

by me own worms.

Hop in, sir.

We'll get you out of here.

- Much appreciated, boy.

- Faster! - Faster! Faster!

- Faster! Faster! - Faster! Faster!

- Faster! Faster! - Faster! Faster!

Faster!

- This is a dead end!

Good job, Gary!

Way to go!

- Great. Now we're trapped.

Good thinking, squirrel.

This should keep us alive for at least...

A few hours.

Ooh.

It's s-s-s-so c-c-cold.

- Hey! How about a campfire song?

No singing!

Squidward!

- All right. All right.

Somebody get me a blanket.

- Hey, Squidward.

What's with the extra foot, buddy?

This isn't mine.

Whoa!

- Not you again.

- Ha! Slimy snow vermin!

You missed!

- That weren't the attack.

- Hit the deck!

Gary!

Oh, no, not again.

- She's reloading.

Now's our chance to scram.

- What is that formidable creature?

- That, me boy, is none other

than the abominable snow mollusk.

- I thought that was just a myth.

- Oh, I assure you she's no myth.

She's as real as santy claus.

'Twas back when I was a young sea Captain

sailing the arctic seas

when the behemoth and I first tangled.

- Don't tell me, Mister Krabs.

You peeled back those tentacles

with your bare claws.

You single-handedly saved your vessel

from certain doom.

- No, that didn't work.

She gulped me and me crew down

in one swift swallow.

- Oh, my.

Well, at least you bravely escaped

to tell the tale.

- Weren't bravery that got us out.

Let's just say we had to wait

for nature to take its course.

Eww.

- I hate to break up story time,

but I'd like to not get eaten today.

- Gary, step on it!

Whoa, yeah, Gary!

You are really motoring now.

Right, guys?

We forgot Squidward!

Left, Gary! Left!

There he is!

Patrick, I need a gooey worm.

- Oh, be gentle. It's my last one.

- Hold tight, buddy.

- Spongebob, come on!

Let's get out of here.

Num-num.

- Ooh-wee!

That was a close one, wasn't it, Mister Krabs?

Of all the hornswaggles!

The bandit's trying to weigh us down

while he makes off with the prize hisself!

I'd sooner swallow a jellyfish

than share me winnings with that--

- we can't let that double-crosser beat us

to the loot.

Full steam ahead and don't stop for nothing, Gary!

- Hey!

- What's the big emergency, Patrick?

- I saw something shiny.

- Oh, well, let's just drop everything then.

- Well, wait, Sandy, I see it too.

It looks like Karen.

- Karen?

- I'd say she's in swift need of a reboot.

Hee-ya!

- You can't stand a chance, krabs.

Plankton?

- Don't tail krabs.

- Poor guy.

The ice is really gettin' to him.

- Then we got to bust him out quick!

I'm gonna sit on him.

- Patrick, no! He's very...

Fragile.

- Krabs...stand.

- A simulacra!

- Sandy, please! Language.

- Naw, silly.

I'm saying Plankton sent a robotic dummy in his stead.

- That's right.

My selfish husband remains

in warm, sunny bikini bottom

while I freeze my solder off in this bitter tundra.

In fact, this whole race was a plot devised by Plankton.

With the entire town distracted,

he's free to pursue the krabby Patty formula undetected.

- Pursue? Formula?

We got to find Mister Krabs right now.

- And exactly how do you propose we find him?

- I saw Mister Krabs pass by just before my system failed,

heading southwest.

- Well, what are we waiting for?

You heard the lady, Gary.

Southwest!

Mush! Mush!

Ouch!

So this safe is impervious to flame, eh?

It seems as though I'll have to get

a little more destructive!

I meant destructive!

- That-a-boy, Gary.

- Cliff!

Hold on, Spongebob!

We made it. Hooray.

Right, Squidward?

Oh, my gosh!

Patrick, lean to the other side.

Excuse me, ma'am.

- What?

- Gotcha.

- Hey, Sandy, have you given

any thought to how we're gonna--

land?

- Fire in the hole!

Rats.

- All right, fellas, I know it's cold,

but let's just push forward and keep a lookout

for frozen crab.

- I can't feel my looking holes!

- The only thing I can feel is my empty stomach.

- You said it, Spongebob.

I already gnawed through all my provisions.

I'm getting to the point where I could eat

just about anything.

Sponge-kebab.

Ooh!

Hey, Patrick, you got any more of them gooey worms on you?

- I wish I did.

I lost my last one to that monster

and now I'm so hungry.

Well, at least I still have these jellybeans

to hold me over.

Hey!

Is this taxi even moving?

- Come on, Gary!

Gary!

Oh, you poor fella.

We pushed you too hard, didn't we?

Sorry, buddy.

I won't make you tow another inch.

- Great. Now we're stuck.

- No, we're not.

Hello. What's this?

Look!

One of Mister Krabs' sailor tattoos.

It must have frozen off of his brittle body.

- We must be headed in the right direction.

Secret formula, you are mine!

Perhaps I misjudged the scale on that one.

That does it!

Listen up, safe.

I will spill your contents

even if I have to tear you apart...

Bit by bit!

Molecule by molecule!

Atom by atom!

Oh, certainly the safe couldn't survive

nuclear detonation.

Come to papa!

Hey!

I'm trying to sleep.

- Mister Krabs!

- He ain't looking so good.

We better get him in the sleigh, Spongebob.

Spongebob!

He done froze up too.

What?

You're burning the sleigh?

Are you aware that that was our only mode of transportation?

- And are you aware that I just saved your life?

The race! The million clams!

I've been trapped in ice.

Mutinous thieves trying to cheat me out of me winnings.

- Oh, cool down.

There are no winnings.

You've been duped. - Duped?

You don't mean by--

- now you're putting it together.

Me formula!

We got to get back to bikini bottom!

- We might actually have a chance of getting back

if we had a sleigh.

- We're doomed.

- No, we're not, Mister Krabs.

Your chariot awaits.

- No offense, but we're not gonna catch Plankton

moving at a snail's pace.

- Just leave that to the scientist of the group.

- Oh, geez!

Why do I have to do everything?

- She's all fired up.

- Gary, Mister Krabs, any hazards on the horizon?

- Looking clear so far!

- Squidward, keep those circuits warm.

Patrick, hang on!

Hooray! We made it!

- Okay.

Then where's me restaurant?

- Perhaps over there.

And where's me formula?

- Perhaps over there.

- The chum bucket...

"Now serving krabby patties"?

- We're too late!

- We'll see about that, boy-o.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

You can't cut in line!

We've been waiting for a krabby Patty

for three stinkin' days!

- This will only take a minute.

- Keep your pants on out there!

I'll get your krabby patties just as soon

as I get this bottle open!

- Not if I have anything to say and/or do about it.

- Krabs!

Why aren't you frozen under the barren tundra?

- I guess I didn't want to miss

the big unveiling of my sandwich!

- Well, it would have happened

if I could have dislodged this stupid cork.

- Oh, that's easy.

Patrick!

I got it now, krabsy!

- That may be true, Plankton,

but you got seven angry customers

flanking you on all sides.

- Uh, well, I'm sure my loving wife

is not a party to this angry mob.

You got to help me here, Karen.

- "You got to help me."

My monitor nearly froze up for good

on your little race to oblivion.

- Babes, don't blow an op amp over this.

Come on.

Yowzah!

Ow, that hurt on so many levels.

Okay, I give up.

You win again, krabs.

- And hand over me formula.

- Okay, Eugene.

I'll just sign the surrender treaty first.

Ooh, here I go.

Outsmarted you again, eh, fools?

- You get back here, Plankton!

- Here we go again.

Give up now and I'll let you keep

one of your antennae!

- I'd be delighted to see you try!

Ooh! You're so close.

So long, suckers!

- We're trapped.

- That's right, krabs.

And if you're thinking of busting out,

mind the giant vat of fry grease beneath you.

- He's gonna turn us into fried snacks.

- Got any dipping sauce?

- A little taste of your own medicine,

eh, krabcakes?

Num-num!

- Num-num?

- Num-num!

Num-num!

- No, wait, big scary monster!

Don't eat Patrick. Eat me.

I'm packed with nutrients.

- No! Eat me!

- Don't eat me!

Eat Squidward!

- Wait. What?

- Num-num!

- She loves your jellybeans, Patrick.

- I'd better go while the going's good.

- Jellybean!

- I can practically taste those krabby patties now.

- Hey, Mister Krabs, what happens to Plankton?

- He'll just have to wait for nature

to take its course.

- Well, I suppose dear old dad was right.

I should have minored in business administration.