09x06 - Jailbreak; Evil Spatula

[bunniefuu]

- Are you ready, kids?

All: Aye, aye, captain!

- I can't hear you.

All: Aye, aye, captain!

- ♪ ohh...

♪ who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪

All: Spongebob squarepants!

- ♪ absorbent and yellow
and porous is he ♪

All: Spongebob squarepants!

- ♪ if nautical nonsense
be something you wish ♪

All: Spongebob squarepants!

- ♪ then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish ♪

All: Spongebob squarepants!
- Ready?

All: Spongebob squarepants!

Spongebob squarepants!

Spongebob squarepants!

- Spongebob

Squarepants!

[laughing]

♪

[waves crashing]

[rollicking ukulele music]

♪

- [with french accent]
bikini bottom prison.

Home of the worst
of the worst...

[growling]

And, currently of that
little miscreant, plankton,

Otherwise known as
number - - - - - .

- All inmates to "a" level.

[doors clanking]

[squishing]

[murmuring]

- Come on, number - - - - - .

Let's move it!

- Yeah, yeah,
keep your shirt on.

- Psst! Hey, sheldon.

- Spongebob!

What in the seashell
are you doing here?

- Mr. Krabs arranged for me to
work here on weekends.

He wants me
to keep an eye on you.

- Excuse me.

Doesn't this count
as cruel and unusual punishment?

- Pipe down, pipsqueak!

- Look! They even gave me
a training baton.

[squeaking]

[overlapping chatter]

Hi, karen!

Look, plankton!

Karen came to visit.

And she brought you a cake.

- Do you mind?

- Oh, uh, I'll be
right over here.

- So, honey,
is you-know-what inside?

- You mean flour, sugar,
milk and eggs?

- No! [softly] no,
the secret ingredient.

- Oh, you mean love.

- I mean, the file.

- What?
The file?

Well, I'm glad you're not
the baker in the family.

The file?

Who would put a file in a cake?

[bang]

- Karen, you've got
to get me out of here!

[pop, thud]

[grunting]

Whew!

- You gonna eat that?

- I'm not even sure
what that is.

- Thanks.
- Wait a second.

I didn't say you could--
- you gonna drink that?

Thanks.
- Hey! I need that!

For my bones!
[screams]

[groans]
- [clicking tongue]

Someone didn't finish
their beans.

- Them's my beans.

- Oh. Well, enjoy.

- Wait! Put me down!

Oh-oh.

You can't eat me!

I'm bikini bottom's
most evil genius!

- Hey! What did you say?

- I said,
"I'm plankton, blast it!"

- You ain't plankton.
- [gulps]

- We're all big fans of
that maniacal little miscreant!

[overlapping yelling]

- That's plankton!

And you don't look
nothing like him.

- Hey! I'm in here!

I'm plankton!

- Okay! That does it!

Here comes the pain.

[engine roaring]

- Are we near the airport?

[bang]
- ow!

[clang, clank]

[whimpering ukulele tone]

[grunting]

[clears throat]

Hey! Gather 'round,
fellow convicts!

It is I,

The one and only
sheldon j. Plankton,

Evil genius!

All: [gasping]
that's him!

- So let me get this straight.

You lowlifes respect me?

- Are you kidding?

You're criminal royalty.

Every crime you commit
is more dangerous

Than the last.

- You're the worst guy
in this joint.

And that means
you're the greatest,

In our twisted eyes!

- We'd do anything for you,
big guy.

- [laughs]

With this pack of criminals,

I could steal
the secret formula like that!

Okay, g*ng.

We need
to bust out of this joint.

Any thoughts?

- Uh...
- Ow!

- Duh...
- We could wait for parole?

- We could ask them nicely.

- Yeah, I can see
why you're still in jail.

Think, people!

We need a plan.

- We could bust out of here
in no time,

If only we had some chum.

- Yeah! That's what we need.

Yeah, good old chum.

Say what, now?

- Chum's amazing.

- That's why you're our hero.

- You're the creator of chum.

- Chum? What use is chum?

- It makes a great disguise.

[tense music]

[splash]

Oh! It's working!

It's twisting my appearance!

- [screams]
what a hideous monster!

Please take this money

So I don't have to look
at your disgusting features!

- [chortles]

Yeah, worked great.

Until, you know, they caught me.

- Have you ever tried eating it?

- Heavens, no!

- You know what else chum
is great for?

Robbin' banks.

[tense music]

♪

[bucket clanging]

All: [coughing]

- The stench of chum
is unbearable.

- But have you tried it
on a bun?

- No way, brother. Never.

I like my tongue in one piece.

- Every crook in town uses chum.

- Really?

Maybe I overlooked
chum's hidden potential.

Fellow ne'er-do-wells,

If it's chum you want,

It's chum you shall have.

Luckily, I happen
to know the recipe.

It's time for a jailbreak!

[cheering]

Listen up, you reprobates!

Chum requires
specialized ingredients

Of the highest quality.

- Mr. Plankton,
does this meet

Your rigid
manufacturing standards?

- Hmm, you there.

Sniff this sock.

[hacking, coughing]

- Yes!

Let us begin.

Cultured fungus growth medium.

- Here you go, boss.
[splash]

- Subtropical vegetal matter.

- Duh, right here.

- Organic filler.

- Gotcha covered.

- Hey, you!

Come here!

Blow.

Live bacterial culture.

[splash]

Now, to secure
the containment vessel.

[clang]

Agitate preliminary compound.

[toilet flushes]

[banging]

And quality inspection.

[heavenly choir]
♪ ahh

All: [gasping]
oh!

- Boys, I think it's time
we evacuated this institution.

All: Huh?
- [sighs]

It's time to break
out of prison, you dopes!

All: Ooh!

- A jailbreak?

I've got to warn mr. Krabs.

[hornpipe music]

- Not bad.

If I could
only paint 'em smaller.

- Mr. Krabs!
- [screams]

What is it?

- Plankton's breaking
out of jail tonight,

And he's coming
to the krusty krab

With a bunch of criminals

To steal
the krabby patty formula!

[panting]

What do we do?

- Tonight, eh?

That doesn't leave me much time.

This is gonna be close.

But we'll be ready for 'em.

- [whistling]

Whoa-ho-whoa, there.

Why are you two
out of your cells?

- Reggie thinks this hanky
smells like kelp berries.

- Oh, he does, does he?

I'll be the judge of that.

[glass shatters]

[tense music]

♪

- Chum!
[splat]

Detonator!

Is this detonator
made out of soap?

- I carved it myself.

- Launch me!

- [inhales powerfully]

[pop]
- [grunts]

[pop, plop]

[timer blipping]

- Freeze, plankton!

Hold it right there!

[timer blipping]

- Oh-oh.

[whoosh, plop]

[cheery ukulele music]

♪

It worked!

- It's a jailbreak, men!

Quick! To the wall!

Before they escape!

All: Run! Run! Run! Run!

Run! Run! Run! Run!

Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!

Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!

- What in the name
of electrolysis?

- Nice try, prisoners.

But you'll never penetrate
a wall of living guards.

Let's round up
those escaping miscreants!

Oh, dear.
I cannot move!

It appears
that we have become ensnared

In our own defenses.

[grunting]

- Oh, my.

[laughs]

That is a dilly
of a pickle.

Oh, well.

If you can't escape
through the back wall,

I guess we'll have
to leave through the front door!

[doors slam]

[whooping]

Quickly, my fellow felons.

Follow me to the krusty krab!

[whooping]

- Oh, mr. Krabs!

They're almost here!

- Don't worry, spongebob.

We're ready for 'em.

- I gave you your freedom.

Now bring me
the krabby patty formula!

[whooping]

All: Heave-ho!
[banging]

Heave-ho!
Heave--

[crashing]

[whooping]

- They got past me.

[screams]

Me restaurant!

- [laughs]
yes.

With my new g*ng
of vicious convicts,

You're no match
for me now, krabs.

Fellow jailbirds,

Bring me
the krabby patty formula!

- Sorry, boss.

We looked everywhere for it,

But we can't find it.

- Did you try looking
in the safe?

- Oh.

[grunting]
[bang, crash]

- Eureka!

[evil laugh]

- Plankton, don't do it!

- Sorry, krabs,

Nothing can stop me now.

- Except the law.

[tense music]

♪

- What's happening?

- Spongebob warned me
you were planning a jailbreak.

So I took the precaution

Of hiding the entire
bikini bottom police force

In me safe.

- Come along, plankton.
[tapping]

It's back to jail for you.

- [groans]

[spank]
hey!

Watch where you're pointing
that thing, buster.

- Just move along.

- Well, thanks
to your hard work,

The krabby patty recipe
is safe.

- And you win again.

[rumbling]

[crashing]

- Yep, I'm a winner.

[dramatic orchestral music]

♪

- Just a couple more additives,
spongebob.

[rumbling]

[cracking]

[pop]

Oh, and try not
to breathe the fumes.

- Is it toxic patty Tuesday?

- Barnacles, no, boyo.

The customers keep passing off
their dirty, filthy money,

So we're cooking up the only
solution powerful enough

To clean it.

- Well, then,
let's get cleaning.

- Hold on, kiddo.

We still have
one more ingredient.

- How much do we need?
- Careful, spongebob!

Just two drops
of that stuff could...

- Got it.
Two drops--

- Blow our faces off.

[fax machine ringing]

- Fax coming through, boss.

- We can get it later.

[fax machine trilling,
clacking]

[pop]
- [laughs]

Infiltration achieved.

Phase one, complete.

Now for phase two.

Sabotage!

- [cheerful whistling]

♪

Well, my dependable spatula,
shall we?

[hornpipe music]

[snap]

[clank]

- [screaming]

- Wow! Phase two is great!

My favorite phase so far.

[evil laugh]

- [panting]

No pulse!

[clinking]

We're losing him!

Hang in there, buddy!

- What's all the ruckus?
- Clear!

[sizzling]
clear!

- Pull yourself together, boy.

So your spatula snapped.

Go get yourself a new one!

- I'll never forget you.

- [slaps]
quit that, boy.

It's creepy.

"spat-u-lers" can't talk.

And if I catch youse talking
to your next one,

I'll lock you up
in a padded kitchen.

- [laughs]

Just like clockwork.

- [cheerful whistling]
- the twerp approaches.

Time for phase three.

♪

[clank]
[whoosh]

- [whimpers]

- Oh, hi, plankton!

What brings you
to harvey's spatula emporium?

- Oh, just picking up
one of these.

Not that you'd know what it is.

- Well, judging
from its diameter

And vermillion color,

I am looking at the handle cap

For a vintage
grill force spatula.

- Wow! A fellow
spatula enthusiast, I see.

You're right, spongebob.

But with a few modifications,

It'll serve as the endcap
for my sizzlemaster.

- Well, I've never even heard
of that model.

- Well, there is only one.

And some say
it has magical grilling powers.

- Wow! I must know more.

- Well, you could come over
and check it out.

- That sounds thrilling!

But I do need
to hurry back to work.

- [knocking]
spongebob,

It's a magical spatula
with a legend.

This is
a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Onward to the chum bucket!

[evil laugh]

Hey, it's this way, kid.

Feast your absorbent eyes
on this!

[claps]

- [gasps]
wow!

This is
the greatest spatula collection

On the whole seafloor.

- These are nothing
compared to...

[claps]

The majestic sizzlemaster!

[heavenly harp music]
- ♪ ahh

- Yes, spongebob.

I believe the sizzlemaster
has found its fry cook

In you!
[glass shatters]

- The legend
of the sizzlemaster

Has been fulfilled!

And since you are its fry cook,

It will reduce
your workload tenfold.

- Hey, that rhymes!

Almost.

- Yes, a legend
has been fulfilled today.

Go forth, spongebob.

Wouldn't want you
to miss the lunch rush.

[softly]
or, as I like to call it,

Phase four.

- Phase four?

How many phases are there
in this convoluted plan?

- Enough, my sarcastic wife.

Enough
to gain spongebob's trust,

Then steal
the krabby patty formula

Right from under
his dumb yellow nose!

[laughs]

Now to tune in sponge-boob.

[electrical whir]
- I'm back, mr. Krabs.

Did I miss anything?

- You're gonna be missing a job

If you don't get
in that kitchen.

The lunch rush is nigh!

- [evil laugh]

- These orders have
really piled up.

- And don't forget these.

- Well, nothing me and
the sizzlemaster can't handle.

- That's right spongebob!

Let's show this lunch rush
what for!

- Hmm, I must be hearing things.

'cause mr. Krabs says
spatulas can't talk.

- Well, I can!

The mystical sizzlemaster
can do all!

- Mr. Krabs said he'd put me
in a padded kitchen

If he caught me talking to you.

- Spongebob!
- I wasn't taking to my spatula!

- I don't care if you were.

The customers are about to snap!

[cranking, snap]

- Time to focus.

- You know, spongebob,

There's a much faster way
to do this.

- Oh?

- Wow! Pretty good.

But we're a long, long way
from filling all these orders.

- [whooshing]

- Hey, sponge.

I know a way
to double our productivity.

I'll handle things here
at the grill, alone,

While you man
the condiments, huh?

- Hey! That's a great idea!

But you man the condiments,
I'll take the grill.

Sorry, but I don't trust anyone
with this baby, but me.

- Drat!

- Hey, squid guy!

Where's my lunch?

- Stay back,
you ravenous brutes.

Oh!
- Orders, ahoy!

[cash register bell ringing]

Wow, sizzlemaster!

You truly are magical.

We're catching up.

But we got an empty grill here.

- Leave it to me, kid.

- All right,
good night, boyo.

Heading home.

Thanks for all the extra
greenbacks you earned me today.

- Don't thank me, mr. Krabs.

Thank my new magic
talking spatula.

- Ooh, that's great spongebob.

Wait a minute.

What did I tell ya about talking
to "spat-u-lers."

Only do it if it makes me money.

[chuckles]

- Well, you can really do
wonders, sizzlemaster.

Today was great.

- It sure was, spongebob.

And maybe tomorrow I can even
handle the grill for you, huh?

- [laughs]
unlikely.

But a spatula can dream.

See you tomorrow.
- Dang it!

I need spongebob
to trust me behind that grill

For this plan to work.

Hmm. Oh!

Hey, spongebob!
- Yes?

- How about you take me back
to your place tonight?

I mean, I could help you
around the house.

- Well, I'm not going
to be grilling tonight,

But thank you.

- Oh, I am so much more
than a patty flipper.

I'm a multipurpose tool.

- Oh. Hey, do you clean
snail litter boxes?

Sure!
- Gross.

- It's not like it's
actually me touching it, so...

- Here she is.

Home sweet pineapple.

- Infiltration complete.

Time to execute phase five!

[evil laugh]

- [laughs]

You're such a joyful being,
sizzlemaster.

Here's that litter box
you said you'd clean.

- [sniffs]
gah!

Karen!

I thought I told you not
to put smell sensors

On the spatula!

[crickets chirping]

[foghorn blares]

- Whoop!

[rollicking ukulele music]

[scratching]

[chime]

- Mmm, mmm.

Wow! I'm three hours early
to work.

Thanks to you, sizzlemaster.

- That's no problem, buddy.

Hey, why don't you take a seat

While I get to work for you?

- Well, don't mind if I do.

- Would you like me
to man the grill for you today?

- Uh, eh...

- You deserve a break.

And I've been able to handle
everything else for you, so...

- That is true.

Well, I guess I can trust you
with my grill

While I take a brief respite.

- [bouncing]
[evil laugh]

Yes! Phase five
is finally complete!

Time to kick phase six
into overdrive!

Yes, burn patties, burn!

[evil laugh]

- [snores]

[gagging, coughing]

[screams]

Charred krabby patty bits?

Sizzlemaster, what happened?

- Oh, spongebob, I'm sorry.

I just wasn't used
to this grill.

All of the krabby patties
are gone.

- Oh, no!

- Hey, I got an idea.

I can mix up some new patties
in a jiff.

If we just go get
the krabby patty secret formula.

- Oh, yeah!
Okay.

It's just over here in the safe.

- Yes! Yes!

[evil laugh]

[lock ratcheting]

- [splashing]

Hey, whatcha doing, boy?

- Oh, my new magical
talking spatula

That I got from plankton

Says it needs your
krabby patty secret formula.

- Spongebob! No!

Uh, I mean, it was
your talking spatula, you say?

That you got from plankton?

[laughing] well,
why didn't you say so?

Here, give your talking spatula
this recipe.

- Mr. Krabs, I think
your blinker's broken.

- Just read it.

- Aye, aye.

Okay, sizzlemaster.

The first ingredient is...

" gallons
combustible cooking oil."

- Yes!

Karen, begin production!

[computer blipping]

[oil splatting]

- "one sack coral dust,
extra spicy.

"one bucket fire algae paste.

"and the final ingredient,

Disulfide."

- Yes!

[laughs]

Wait, how much disulfide?

- [scribbles]

- "the whole enchilada."

- I had no idea
this stuff was approved

For restaurant use.

- Oh, it's not...

Plankton.

- Krabs?

Oh, no.

- Quite a volatile concoction,

Eh, planky?

- Must be
expl*sive patty Wednesday,

Eh, mr. Krabs?

- [chuckles]

You got that right, boyo.

[chuckles]
- oh, hardy-har-har.

[lilting ukulele music]

♪