03x16 - Born Again Krabs/I Had an Accident

[bunniefuu]

Are you ready, kids?

KIDS:
Aye, aye, Captain!

I can't hear you!

Aye, aye, Captain!

♪ Oh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ If nautical nonsense
be something you wish ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

Ready?

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ SpongeBob... SquarePants! ♪

( Captain laughs heartily )

( plays airy tune )

( waves crashing,
seagulls calling )

SQUIDWARD:
Closing time...

the happiest time of the day!

Closing time...
( snuffles )

the saddest time of the day.

( sobbing )

Huh?

That's a Krabby Patty.

Ew...

It's cold and hard.

This could have rolled
under there years ago.

There,
there,
little one,

your journey is
almost over.

( alarm blaring )

What happened?!

( gasps )

Someone tried to
throw away a patty!

MACHINE:
Pinch-o-matic has saved you
. cents.

But, Mr. Krabs,
I found that under the grill.

And tomorrow a customer
will find it under his bun.

But... it's old
and cold

and so very full of mold.

You're not to make another patty

until that one is sold.

Understand?

Order up, Squidward.

Hooray.

( flies buzzing )

Uh... SpongeBob...

can I get one
with less... fog.

Sorry, Squidward,
Mr. Krabs's orders.

Whatever.

Here you are, sir,
one Krabby Patty.

( sniffs )

( screams )

I don't understand...

we haven't had
a customer in weeks.

I wonder if it's
the new placemats.

What?

( stammering )

Placemats?

Have you lost your mind?

It's that old patty

you keep trying
to sell to everybody!

It's gone bad.

Gone bad?

That's nonsense.

Bring it here, SpongeBob.

Uh... why is it in a cage?

Because it growled at me.

( growling and barking )

You two would have never
have lasted in the navy.

Let's see how bad you are.

( growling, barking )

No!

No...

( growling, barking )

Stay...

That a girl!
( gulps )

There, there.
( cooing )

See?

Good enough to eat.

( siren wailing )

Oh.

Look.

An ambulance.

Now, then.

( moaning )

SpongeBob?

Yes, Mr. Krabs?

Make sure you wrap up
that patty...

I'm not finished with it yet!

Well, Mr. Krabs,
you gave us quite a scare.

So I'm going to be okay, Doc?

Well, if you don't want
to take my word for it,

let's just check your chart.

Let's see here.

Hmm.

Oh, no.

Oh, no!

This is terrible!

Everything okay, doc?

Don't touch me!

( screams )

That's not a good sign.

( lightning cracks )

( ghoulish laughter )

Oh, no, it's
the Flying Dutchman!

Eugene Krabs,
your time has come.

I'm not Eugene Krabs,
l'm, uh, Harold!

Harold, uh... Flower!

Oh, sorry.

I must have the wrong room.

Excuse me, nurse?

NURSE:
Yes?

I'm looking for Eugene Krabs.

Oh, he's in that room,
right there.

No, that's Harold Flower's room.

Harold Flower?

So, Krabs!

You thought you could fool
the Flying Dutchman?

What do you want from me?

I'm here to escort you
to the resting place

of all bad undersea folk...

Davy Jones's locker!

Davy Jones's locker?

Why do I have to go there?

I'm not a bad crab!

Ah, but you were cheap,

and being cheap is
a terrible thing.

Next stop... Davy Jones's locker!

( Dutchman laughing maniacally )

Here we are!

( sniffs )

Blech!

Why does it smell so foul?

Davy Jones works out a lot.

These are his socks.

Get in!

( sobbing )

Oh, please, Mr. Dutchman,

I don't want to go in there!

I'll do anything!

Please, give me another chance!

Come on, Krabs,

show a little dignity.

( sobbing ):
Mommy!

All right, all right,
stop your crying.

I'll give you another chance.

But you must always
be generous...

never cheap.

You have my word as a sailor.

SQUIDWARD:
Mr. Krabs'
nosehair clippers.

I could use these.

Squidward, you
shouldn't be going

through Mr. Krabs'
belongings.

( sniffling ):
He won't like it!

SpongeBob, I told you
what the doctor said:

Mr. Krabs isn't coming back.

Now, keep quiet so I can hear
the tumblers in his safe.

Hey, boys!

( screams )

Mr. Krabs, I knew it!

You're alive!

Squidward, look,
it's Mr. Krabs!

Isn't this too good to be true?

Well, it was.

You know, boys,

being sick made me
do a lot of thinking.

My whole life has been
about money...

saving money, collecting money,
touching money.

Well, you get the picture.

But no more.

You're looking at the new,
improved, non-cheap Mr. Krabs.

KRABS ( over loudspeaker ):
Welcome, all, welcome!

( all chattering merrily )

Hello, little one.

What you got there?

A Krabby Patty.

( chuckles )

Of course you do!

You know what that means, right?

I don't go hungry?

No, silly!

It means: free toy!

Gee, thanks,
Mr. Krabs.

I thought you were
a cheap old tightwad.

I was, son, I was.

Free toys for everyone!

And free refills!

( cheering )

Hello, boy.

Say, where's Squidward?

Oh, he's taking one
of those break things

in your office...

I mean the "employee lounge."

( snoring )

Great!

Excuse me, but I dropped
my Krabby Patty.

Could I get another one?

SpongeBob?
Yes, sir.

"Krusty Krab policy
clearly states

"that once the burger has
reached the customer,

it is his/her responsibility."

SpongeBob!

That's the old policy.

Now run back and
bring out a fresh one.

Aye, aye, sir!

Sorry about the confusion.

Free toy?

SQUIDWARD:
Eugene, my man.

Squidward!

How's the break coming?

Should be over in
a couple of hours.

Have SpongeBob send back a patty

and an iced tea, will you?

Sure thing, Squidward.

Take it easy.

Are you enjoying
your in-meal movie?

This movie hasn't even
been in the theaters yet!

No expense spared for
my valued customers.

Look at all those happy faces.

It sure does feel good
to be generous.

Here's your mail, Eugene.

Thanks, Squidward.

You look rested.

Yeah, these naps at work
are doing wonders for me.

Credit card bills.

Well, I knew this was coming.

Let's see what the damage is.

Only $ , ...
That's not so bad.

I'll just subtract it
from today's profit.

( cash register ringing )

And... there's no money in here.

( laughs )

How delightful!

Squidward, I'm worried
about Mr. Krabs.

Me, too... how are we
going to get paid?

Gee, Mr. Krabs, you sure are
taking total bankruptcy well.

Oh, it's just a bad dream.

I'll wake up soon.

Uh, "dream"?

Sure.

l'm still
in the hospital

sleeping like a baby!

Um, you checked out of
the hospital this morning.

Here's the bill.

You mean... I'm awake?!

( screams )

No more refills!

Give me back them toys,
you freeloaders!

Show's over, cheapskate!

( movie audio plays in reverse )

Hey, it's my lucky day...

a penny!

Your luck just ran out!

Hey, man, ease back,

you're crushing
my arm.

Unhand that penny
or the arm comes off.

( thunder cracks )

Ah-hah!

That little display of
parsimonious penny pinching

just earned you a nice little
spot in Davy Jones's locker...

for eternity!

I'm not cheap, I'm generous!

You almost tore
a man's arm off
for a penny.

Thanks, Squidward,
I knew I could count on you.

Well, a deal's a deal.

Let's go.

Wait just a
burger-flipping second.

Who dares back-sass
the Flying Dutchman?

That would be me:
SpongeBob Back-sass Pants.

I say you got the wrong crab.

This Mr. Krabs is
the most generous,

big-hearted,
non-skinflinted crab

in the whole sea.

He'd sell your soul
for a couple of bucks.

I'd bet my soul
he wouldn't.

You got yourself a bet.

Okay, Krabs,
I'll let you stay,

but first help me
settle a bet.

If you had to choose
between SpongeBob

and all the money I have in my
pocket, which would you take?

That depends... how much money

we talking about?

Mr. Krabs?

DUTCHMAN:
Sixty-two cents.

I'll take the money.

Mr. Krabs?!

Here you go, Krabs.

Sixty-two cents.

Next stop
Davy Jones's locker!

( SpongeBob screams )

Look, Squidward, money!

Mr. Krabs, I can't
believe I'm saying this,

but how could you trade
SpongeBob for cents?

You think I could
have gotten more?

He stuck up for you
and you sold him out.

You should be ashamed
of yourself!

Oh, what have I done?

( sobbing ):
Oh!

I want another chance!

I didn't learn anything!

I lost my best fry cook.

I don't want this foul money,
I want SpongeBob back!

( sobbing )

( lightning cracks )

Here, take him back.

You heard what I said
about the money?

Heard what you said?

I couldn't hear myself thinking
with this one around.

I only had him for seconds,

and it's jellyfishing this
and Mermaidman that.

Why, not giving him back
is a fate worse than death!

He's your problem now.

( laughing maniacally )

Eh, eh, about trading you
for pocket change...

Say no more, Mr. Krabs.

You did it for The Krusty Krab.

I would have done
the same thing.

You would have?

No.

( all laughing )

( ringing )

Dutchman's residence.

So, as I was saying, you
and me got to hang out more.

Well, what nights
are good for you?

Here are the nights
that are good for me...

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday
Thursday, Friday,
Saturday, Sunday.

I got to work. I work
at The Krusty Krab.

My best Friend is
Patrick. He's pink...

( Patrick wailing )

( continues wailing )

Huh?

( screaming )

( video game beeping )

PATRICK:
Oh, I got dead again.

This game stinks.

( screaming )

See, that's why you must always

pay attention to the mountain.

SPONGEBOB:
I'm listening to you, mountain!

Don't eat
the yellow sand, Patrick.

Oh, yeah, I forgot.

Hey, Sandy, watch me do
the "Grouchy Squidward."

Stop naming moves after me!

( as Squidward ):
Everybody's an idiot

except for me.

Well, it's true.

( imitating Squidward's laugh )

( gasps )

SpongeBob!

Look out for that tree!

Huh?

Don't worry, guys,

everything's under control,

'cause I'm an expert...!

( screaming "expert" )

( stops abruptly )

Hmm... that's funny.

Someone turned
the mountain upside-down.

( screaming )

SpongeBob, land on your bottom!

It'll cushion the impact
of the fall!

Like this?

No, your other bottom!

Don't you have to be
stupid somewhere else?

Not until four.

( glass shattering )

Ow, that's got to hurt.

Do it again, I wasn't looking!

Well, it looks like
your gluteus maximus

has made a full recovery.

My what has a what now?

Your butt's all better.

It's really quite amazing.

lt took hours
to put it all back together.

We actually ran out of staples
and had to use a glue stick.

Yep, you're a lucky, lucky,
lucky, lucky, lucky, luck-boy.

But from now on,

I'd like you to be more careful.

One more injury like that

and you could wind up
like that poor creature there...

in the Iron Butt.

Oh, man, it itches.

You heard the doctor,
SpongeBob,

one more injury like that
and it's the Iron Butt!

I've been too careless
back there.

From now on I am on
round-the-clock butt patrol.

Hey, step away from the backside

I'm warning you.

What's your problem?

That was close.

MALE VOICE:
Hey, SpongeBob!

Why don't you join us?

We need an extra player.

Nice catch, Percy!

( yelps )

Hey, SpongeBob!

You've got to try this, dude!

We finally got enough people

for a seven-mile
spanking machine!

( slapping )

Ouch, ouch, ouch, ow...!

Next!

( screams )

( screaming )

Is this where the line starts?

My butt is not safe out here!

( door slams )

No part of me is safe.

PATRICK:
Whoo-hoo!

Yeah, ride 'em, cowboy!

( laughing )

( both laughing )

Hey, SpongeBob.

( laughing hysterically )

Ooh...( clears throat )

That was fun.

Hey, SpongeBob, you ready

to go sand-boarding again?

SpongeBob?

Hello, friends.

Enjoying the outside world?

What y'all doing sitting in the
middle of the floor like that?

Oh, living out the remainder
of my life... in safety.

If you guys were smart,
you would join me.

That accident made me realize

that it's dangerous out there.

I was one of the lucky ones.

I'm a survivor.

And so I've simply decided

I am never leaving
my house again.

That's crazy talk!

That's not crazy talk.

This is crazy talk.

( jabbering )

PATRICK ( muffled ):
Sorry.

No, Patrick's right, Sandy.

You saw what happened to me,

and next time
it won't just be my butt,

it'll be my armpit
or my forehead.

Or your other armpit!

l was wrong
to go against nature.

l'm a sponge...
What was I thinking?

Walking... my people
are sedentary.

Just sitting in your house?

Ain't you gonna get lonesome?

I won't be lonesome.

I've got all the friends I need
right here.

This is Penny.

And Chip.

And say hello to Used Napkin.

Well, how are you going to keep
your job at The Krusty Krab?

No problem!

( SpongeBob grunting )

SPONGEBOB:
A really long spatula.

( patty sizzles )

What about eating?

I'm a sponge!

I'll just filter-feed.

( breathing deeply )

( hyperventilating )

SpongeBob, sooner or later,

you're going to have
to go outside.

Listen, I told you that I'm
never leaving my house again!

Never-ever?

Never-ever-ever.

Never-never-ever-ever
for never-ever?

Never-ever-never-never,
ever-ever-never!

Never-ever-ever-
ever-ever-ever-ever-ever?!

( exasperated ):
Never-ever-
never-ever...

( saying "never-ever"
over each other )

All right, Patrick,
that is enough!

Chip, would you mind showing
these two to the door?

( chip plinks )

( door hinges squeak )

Thank you, Chip.

( door slams )

I guess I'll have to
find a new best friend.

Hey, Squidward!

No!

Aw.

Don't worry, Patrick.

We'll get SpongeBob
to come outside,

and then he'll see there's
nothing to be afraid of.

And that's when
I punch him, right?

( jellyfish buzzing )

Look at the jellyfish out here!

Too bad SpongeBob is
missing out on all the fun!

I caught one!

Huh?

( electricity zapping )

( Patrick screaming )

Look at those fools risking
their lives jellyfishing.

My new hobby is much safer,
isn't it, Chip?

Dust collecting.

I think I caught one!

We've got to try something else.

PATRICK AND SANDY:
♪ Three cheers ♪

♪ On your birthday,
SpongeBob! ♪

♪ Three cheers for you! ♪

Now, you've got to blow out
the candles and make a wish.

I don't need the wish, Penny.

Everything I could ever want
is right here.

In fact, let's sing our own song

about the joy
of staying indoors.

♪ I know of a place
where you never get harmed ♪

♪ A magical place
with magical charms ♪

♪ Indoors, indoors, indoors! ♪

Take it away, Penny!

( silence )

That Penny has the most
beautiful voice.

That is it, SquarePants!

We're going to find
something that's
so dang fun

that you'll have
to come outside!

Trampoline!

Ice cream!

Underwater surfing!

Two ice creams.

Ferris wheel.

Still two ice creams!

( straining ):
Clam wrestling.

Washing an old person.

Patrick, that's not fun.

It is for me!

( hyperventilating )

Nothing's working, Patrick.

What do we do?

I say we take a bath.

What...

Will you get out of here?

Now, remember... don't jump out

until I give the signal.

Right.

All right, SpongeBob, you win.

Stay inside forever.

Yours is truly the iron will.

Now, Pat!

( jabbering )

Eek! A gorilla!

Save me, SpongeBob!

( blowing raspberries )

Okay, guys, really.

This is your
saddest attempt yet.

Even Chip knows that's Patrick

in the same costume he wore
for Halloween last year.

No, really!

You've got to come save me.

Hey, Sandy... who's your friend?

But... but you're
supposed to be in
the gorilla suit.

I am in the gorilla suit.

I thought I was doing
a pretty good job.

If you're Patrick,
then who's that?

( snarling )

( gasps ):
A real gorilla!

Huh?

( roaring )

( screaming )

( shrieking )

( screaming )

( Patrick and Sandy shouting )

No!

( Patrick and Sandy shouting )

Oh, my gosh!

( gorilla shrieking )

This can't be happening!

( Patrick and Sandy shouting )

This is exactly the kind
of thing I was talking about!

Well, they were asking for it.

It's not like I didn't warn them
about the dangers of outside.

Yes, Chip, I know
they're my two dearest friends

in the whole world,

but I told them I wasn't going
outside no matter what.

We can do without
the name-calling,

thank you very much,
Used Napkin.

l know, Chip, if it was me
out there bagged by an ape,

Patrick and Sandy
would risk anything to save me.

And I've got to do
the same for them.

If I don't come back, Chip,
take good care of Gary.

( meows )

Well... here I go...

from the safety of my home
to the outside world.

( gulps )

( straining )

( whimpering )

( door rattling )

I'm taking my first step.

So far so good.

I think I can do this!

( paper smacks )

No!

Oh, dear Neptune!

Get off of me!

Get off of me!

Chip, help me,
help me!

( gasping )

( pops )

( panting )

I'm still alive.

I did it!

I made it outside!

Nothing can stop me now!

ls it too late
to go back inside yet?

It's too late.

( shrieking )

Patrick? Sandy?

PATRICK AND SANDY:
Yeah, SpongeBob?

I'm sorry I caused all this.

l'm not scared
of going outside anymore.

But I'm terrified
of gorillas now.

SANDY:
That's okay, SpongeBob...
us, too.

You know what I don't
understand, though?

What?

What's a gorilla doing
underwater in the first place?

( snorts )

( man's voice ):
Uh, well...

it's funny you should...
I mean, you see, the...

George, they're onto us!

(neighing)

Let's get out of here.

( music from TV ends )

( TV clicks off )