04x23 - Secrets

[bunniefuu]

Thanks again
for the ride home
from school.

No problem.

Well, see ya.

Listen, when your car
isn't running,

It's usually
the starter.

I could fix it
in five minutes.

Nah. If you did,
my dad wouldn't
have a hobby.

You want me
to pick you up
again tomorrow?

Tomorrow's saturday.
There's no school.

I know.
You want to see
a movie or something?

Mark.

It doesn't have to
be anything good.

It could be
something you like.

I don't want
to date right now.

It's been weeks,
Becky.

I just like
that we're talking.

Yeah, well,
I don't have
a lot more to say.

I want to make sure

That if we get
back together,

Things will
be different.

"If"? We may never
get back together?

I don't know, Mark.

I Miss you, Becky.

I know, I know.

O.k.,
it's time to go.

Becky, come on.

I said no, Mark.

Bye.

Yeah. Bye.

We're supposed
to go out tonight.

You've known about it
for a week

And you still haven't
found a babysitter yet?

Well, there's got to be

Some responsible
teenage girls out there.

Let me ask
Becky or Darlene.

Maybe they know somebody.

O.k.,
I'll call back later.

Bye.

Can't find anybody
she trusts, huh?

She might
have to end up
leaving them kids

With her husband.

Give me that.

That's it.
You're done.

But I want to get out
of the dungeon.

Don't we all?

Mom.

You're not spending
the rest of your life

Playing video games.

There's nothing
else to do.

Oh, sure, there is.

When your mom and I
were your age,

Kids used to ride
their bikes all over

And build tree forts

And dress up dogs
in funny clothes,

All kinds of stuff.

Fine. I'll go outside
if I have to.

Dress up dogs?

Yeah.

Little white dog
with the black eye.

That wasn't us.

That was
the little rascals.

Oh, yeah.

Well, I just remembered.

I got to
make sandwiches

For Dan's stupid
poker game.

Why are you doing it?

I was going
to clean out
the fridge anyway.

This way I save
on trash bags.

Hey.

Hey.

What's wrong?

Mark drove me home
from school.

But you're sad,
though,

So everything's
good, right?

Will you cut it out?

How does that
make you feel, Becky?

I don't know.

Sometimes when
he looks at me, I...

Still getting chills?

Yeah.

Yuck.

Roseanne.

I thought
you told him

To date other girls.

But he's not.

Well, if he can't do that
one simple little thing,

I guess he doesn't care
about you at all.

And here's a picture
of little angela at weeks

With her
auntie Roseanne
holding her.

She's so beautiful.

Aw, look
how cute I am.

Well, Crystal,
how does it feel

Having two babies
at home now?

Since I've been
breast-feeding angela,

I've been
kind of worried
about little Ed.

He seems real jealous.

Why? He's old enough
to be weaned.

I want him to grow up
feeling secure and loved.

Get over it.

You'll go to one
of his school plays
or something.

Hey, Rosie.

Hey, calvin.

Who's that?

Customer
from the shop.

Wait a minute.

Calvin, how's
your bike running?

Good.

Just turned into
a business meeting.

I can write
the whole thing off.

Are you picking up
the check?

Just the stub.

Hey, everybody,
sorry I'm late.

Where you been?

I just got
some bad news.

What's wrong?

Never mind.
Don't want to ruin
everybody's fun.

You already have,
so just spill it.

Chuckie lost his job.

Oh!
Oh, no.

Man, I thought
he had seniority.

He did. They didn't
lay him off last week

With the rest
of his shift.

I don't believe it.

It's all over.

Wellman plastics
is history.

Well, he'll find
another job.

Yeah. Now that
wellman's is closed,

There'll be
plenty of jobs--

Bill collectors,
repo men.

I'm really sorry,
emory.

Hey, it's happening
all over.

Bonnie's losing her job,
you're losing yours,

Nobody in this town
can afford

To buy a bike
from your husband.

You're just
the messenger of death,

Ain't you?

Sorry.

Let's go.
If we get depressed,

We'll just
drink ourselves stupid.

All right.
Let's settle up.

Everybody
chip in bucks,

Except for emory.

Bucks?

I'm going to try
to get the price
down here.

Hey, willie,
all our beers
had flies in them.

We were out of
little umbrellas,
Roseanne.

Works in your
nicer places.

I hate it when
you're short on cash.

You always try and cheap
out of the tab.

We all do what we have to
to get by.

Once I called
the instant potato company

And said I found
a human hand in the box.

The scary thing was,
they didn't sound surprised.

Well, don't worry.

We're all
going to make it.

We'll have to learn
to stretch those dollars.

It can be done.

I was watching this
national geographic special

On desert people.

Bedouins can live
for three days on one fig.

That don't
do me no good.

My family can't
live for three days

On one bedouin.

I'm telling you guys
it really happened.

Come on, Arnie.

I swear. Last night,
I was visited by an alien.

Your bet, Chuckie.

Half a buck.

I'm in.

I Woke up next
to this horrible,
bug-eyed creature.

I thought it was
Nancy at first, too.

But does Nancy stick
needles into my body

Probing me
for information?

Well, you've only been
married a few months.

I'll play.

The thing
talked to me.

It said it's here
to find out
about humans.

A thousand million
light years across the galaxy

And it missed by one house.

I'll call, Chuckie.
What do you got?

Oh, man.
This is embarrassing.

I was just bluffing.

I Only got
a pair of fives.

Me, too.
Beats me.

Didn't see it coming.

All right!

You guys stink.

Hey, hold on.

Read 'em and weep--

Eights. Two of 'em.

Damn!

Hey, Chuckie,
wasn't it your turn
to bring some beer?

Oh, yeah.
It's out in the car.

Take a hike.

Let's buy the beer.
He just got laid off.

That's why we just
lost to him, genius.

I had three jacks.

I had a straight.

Why didn't you tell me?

We did, Arnie.

Oh, my god, the aliens
have messed up my mind.

So last night
wasn't their first visit?

All right,
brewskis.

All right.

Your deal, Chuckie.

Let's see if I can
win some money back.

I'll bet five bucks
he can. Ow!

Sorry.
Was that your foot?

[Telephone rings]

Deal me out.

He answers the phone?
Not fair.

Hey, calvin, what's doing?

Oh, man, how the hell
did that happen?

Do me a favor--
sit on him.

I'll be right there.

Mark got himself drunk
down at the lobo.

Is he old enough--

No. I better get
down there before
he gets in trouble.

I'll go.
Want me to--

And leave me here alone
with mr. Lucky?

Stay and have fun.
I'll be right back.

Don't tell Becky
or Darlene where I went.

O.k. Ray, your bet.

Pass.

Same here.

A quarter. And remember
where you got it.

What happened?

After I called you,

The kid put his fist
through the jukebox.

I talked willie out
of calling the cops.

Thanks, man. Hey!

Hey, Dan.

What's wrong with you?

Nothing.
I Hurt my hand is all.

Whoa. It's going to need
a couple stitches.

Let's go.

What about
my jukebox?

Willie, you'll just
have to find another place

To store your
jim nabors records.

That's
very funny, Dan.

He'll pay for it.
He works for me.

Hey! I don't want
you in here ever
again.

You understand me?

Huh?

I'll explain it
to him later.

Let's get someone
to look at that hand.

Listen,
don't tell Becky.

Easy.

'Cause she'll k*ll me

And never want
to see me again.

I won't tell her.

Calvin, thanks
for your help.

Yeah.
No problem.

I got you. I got you.

You're o.k., Dan.

You're my man.

My man Dan.
Dan the man.

Dan, Dan, the Dan man.

O.k., now you do one
with my name.

O.k., how about this?

Mark, Mark,
you puke in my truck

And I'll k*ll you.

Hey, how's it going?

We let Chuckie win

So he wasn't playing
with his own money.

Then we played for real.

He gave it all back
in / minutes.

Oh, man. Where is he?

He's in the john.

Do we let him
win again?

This is getting
ridiculous.

I've been laid off.
Nobody let me win.

It's enough
we let you sit at
the grownup table.

How'd it go
with Mark?

By the time I got there,
he'd punched the jukebox.

Any stitches?

Two or three.

Once I got hit
with a beer bottle.

Nearly lost an eye.

Took stitches.

It's underneath the eyebrow.
You can't hardly see it.

Art's new. Maybe
he wants to hear it.

I'm sure art knows you've
been hit in the head.

But did you know it was
with a beer bottle?

So where's Mark now?

Oh, I left him
at his apartment

Drooling and mumbling
my daughter's name.

Sounds like son-in-law
material to me.

We all been there.

Becky's been giving him
a real rough time.

I feel bad for the kid.

Where's the pizza?

What pizza?

We came looking for you,

And Arnie said
you went out for pizza.

No, I said
I was going to the shop.

Sounded like pizza.

You went to the shop?

Yes.

In the middle of your
male bonding frenzy?

Is everything o.k.?

Yeah, yeah.
The alarm company
called.

The alarm went off
at the shop.

What happened?

Oh, nothing.
Just a short
in the wiring.

Hey, pizza
sounds great.

You guys
up for pizza?

Go on back upstairs,

And I'll call you
when it gets here.

Right.
By the time he calls,

All that'll be left
is what's stuck
to their shirts.

Lying to the kids?
Mmm mmm mmm mmm.

Hey, I promised Mark.

And nobody says anything
to Roseanne, either.

Ooh, now he lies
to his wife.

Where will this end?

You got to lie
to your wife once in a while.

Like when they try out
new recipes you hate it.

I Always tell
my wife I got a cold

And can't
taste a thing.

Hey, that's way better
than hocking it up
into a napkin.

Dan's right. You got
to lie occasionally.

If just once I'd said,
"honey, I don't mind

You're sleeping
with my business partner,"

I'd still be married.

Ooh.
Oh, man.
Bummer.

They lie to us, too.

Roseanne
smashed up my truck

And swore it happened
while parked at the mall.

Did you call her on it?

You kidding me?
And waste all that guilt?

When I mention
how good my truck looked,

I Get chocolate cake
for dessert.

If I squeeze out
a couple of tears,

Cool whip.

Hey, Dan, you say
the fire department
checked

But didn't find
anything, right?

It was a false alarm.

Did they check
the wires in the walls?

Everything.

How do they know
it's the fire alarm?

The burglar alarm
sounds the same.

Roseanne...

The fire department
wouldn't know if
anything was stolen.

They wouldn't
notice a burglar

Unless the guy
was on fire.

I Checked.

Nothing's missing.
No flaming burglars.

What about the safe?

It's all there--

Your grandmother's ring,
your good watch,

The earrings you never wear

Because I never take you
anyplace nice enough.
All there.

What about
the gold card?

What gold card?

I knew it.

They stole
the gold card!

We don't have a gold card.

Not now.

What are you talking about?

I got a gold card
in the mail.

It has
a $ , limit.

What fish-brained company
gave us a gold card?

Well, they asked for
your annual income

And your social
security number.

Maybe I switched them.

Oh, man.
I just didn't see it.

It's flat.
It could've been
up against the wall.

It was in a great big
white envelope.

Well, I'll look for it
in the morning.

How can we sleep

If somebody's
charging us
into the poorhouse?

They can't buy anything.
It's a.m.

Everything's closed.

Yeah, here.
But the burglar
could charge tickets

And fly to where
something is open.

In some parts
of the world,
it's yesterday.

We could be broke
before it's now.

How many beers
did you have
down at the lobo?

Go check on that card.

Honey...

I won't sleep
till you get it.
Neither will you.

O.k., o.k.!

I'll go down to the shop,
find the card,

And bring it back
so you can sleep. O.k.?

Thank you, honey.

Lie to me, will you?

[Softly] hey.

[Loudly] hey, Mark.
How's it going?

[Rrrrrrrrrrr]

Please stop, will you?

How's your hand?

Hurts like hell, man.

Let's see if we can
keep it wet and dirty.

Maybe we can
get it infected.

You didn't tell Becky
about anything, did you?

No, I didn't.

What about, you know,
the other one?

I didn't tell my wife
for which I paid dearly,

Much as you will today.

Thanks. I Owe you.

Yeah, you do.

I mean it.

I really do care
about Becky.

She's real good
for me, you know?

If she found out
about last night,

She'd never see me again.

You saved my butt.
You're a real friend.

Let me correct
a few points.

I am Becky's father,

By definition,
therefore,
not your friend.

Secondly, I'm your boss,

Which still makes me
not your friend.

In my official capacity
as not your friend,

Here's how it'll be--

I Ever catch you under
the influence again,

Not only are you
finished with Becky,

You're out of a job.

O.k.

One more thing--I paid
for those stitches.

I'll pay you back.

Yes, but until then,
I own them.

I can rip them out
anytime I want.

[Rrrrrrrrrrr]

Hey.

Hey.

You bring me
any ice cream?

No.

Then go away.

I got gum.

Becky's letting Mark
take her to the movies.

When did this happen?

I don't know.
Does it even matter?

You just know
they're going to get
back together,

And that
is just sickening.

I can't believe
Dan would even
let him in the house

After catching him
down at the lobo like that.

Excuse me?

Oh, man!

This is why Dan
is always ticked off at me.

Spill it.

One of the drivers
I work with was there.

He said Mark got drunk

And put his hand
through the jukebox.

Dan had to smooth
everything over.

So that's
what's going on.

I knew
I was busting Dan's
chops for something.

I just
didn't know what.

What are you talking about?

It was such
an obvious lie.

I mean, that alarm
never went off.

How do you know?

Because I haven't paid
the alarm company

For three months.

Just don't tell Dan
you heard it from me.

I won't even tell him
that I know.

[Becky]
we're leaving, mom.

Be home early.

We'll see.

You're just going
to let her go?

What if
he's been drinking?

You're going
to trust him?

I don't trust him,
but I trust Dan.

He loves Becky, too.

If he's
letting her go,

He must have
some stupid reason.

Hey.

Hey.

Why, Jackie,
what a surprise!

How was work, sweetheart?

Pretty good.

Great.

So you're totally
letting him off the hook

After lying to you?

Oh, Jackie,
I wish I could.

Oh, Dan?

Yes?

Becky and Mark
are dating again.

What do you
think of that?

Well, we've just
got to hope

Mark will turn over
a new leaf.

How'd he hurt
his hand?

He, uh, caught it
down at the shop

On a machine.

Is it bad?

Couple stitches.

Well, he could
sue us, Dan.

He won't sue us.

What if the thing
with Becky turns sour again

And he decides
he hates us?

We're insured.

Oh, really?

Where's the policy?

At the shop.

Dan...

I just got here.
I'm tired.

I really, really, really
want to know, Dan.

O.k. I'll go down
to the shop...

In my beat-up truck.

Oh, that reminds me.

I got to get
some cool whip.

Darlene, mom
wants you to pick up
some cool whip.

Why don't you do it?

I'm doing my homework.

That's a lame excuse, Becky.

Only from you, Darlene.

She left some money
in her purse.

I don't believe
I have to get one thing

Just because mom forgot it
when she went shopping.

I'm so sick of running
these little crappy errands.

Someday
I'll walk out that door
and never come back...

And today's the day!