04x17 - Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

[bunniefuu]

Boy, this movie sucks, Dan.

I didn't make it,
dear.

Well, you rented it.

It's saturday.
Everybody's
renting saturday.

There wasn't
nothing left.

You got to get
the friday night people
when they're coming back.

Check their returns
and stick with them.

Maybe there's
something on TV.

No. It's saturday night.

I don't want
to watch regular TV.

You want to go out
somewheres?

I'm too tired.

Maybe just go to sleep.

It's only : .

If we go to bed now,

We'll get up at, like,
: in the morning,

And we'll have nothing
to do again.

When did
we pass away, Dan?

I can't believe you.

I don't know
what your problem is.

Maybe that's
the problem!

Forget it!

Don't slam
that door on me!

Hey, finally,
something worth watching.

I didn't know anybody
at that party

And you ditch me
for your friends.

Andy got a new car,
we went for a ride.

As long as
you're having fun,

that's all
that counts, right?

What was I
supposed to do, Mark?

Do what you always do,
sit in the corner and
whine about my friends.

You don't care
about me at all.

Not this again.

When was the last time
we did something

I wanted to do?

You wanted
to leave the party,
and we left.

Go back there
so you can be
with your friends

who are more important
than I am.

That's garbage.

Well, what about
thanksgiving, huh?

I finally got you
invited to dinner,

And you ran off to Chicago
with Andy and Rick.

I don't like
hanging out
with your parents.

Nobody wants
to hang out
with my parents!

You would have
been doing it for me.

So one time.

All the time.

We have this same fight
whenever we go out.

When will this change?

We're not going
to talk about our
relationship, are we?

We don't have
a relationship anymore.

What's that mean?

It means
I'm sick of it.

I'm sick of fighting,
the way you treat me.

I'm sick of you!

Goodbye, Mark.

How was the party, Becky?

Oh, I hate him.
I hope he dies.

You want to talk about it?

There's nothing
to talk about anymore.
It's over.

Boy.

Maybe she's really going
to dump this guy now.

What do you think
we ought to do?

Let's go dancing!

Lambada!

Hey, Dan, are you
working tomorrow night?

No.

Because there's
a PTA meeting
over at D.J.'s school.

O.k. I'll
come home early
and drop you off.

You're going.

Why? D.J. doesn't care.

He's a typical
third grader.

What will they tell me
I don't already know?

That he's
in fourth grade.

And you're still
eating paste?

Jackie, can you
do me a favor?

What do you need,
Darlene?

My friends want to see
this R-rated movie,

And it's my turn
to bring the adult.

You're not going
to any R-rated movie.

It's not sex, mother.
It's v*olence.

Oh, o.k.

Sorry, Darlene.
I'm busy.

Well, maybe Stacy
can find someone.

Who's Stacy,
like, your new friend?

Yeah.

Yeah, well,
what's she like?

Just a kid
in my class.

Ninth grade?

Yeah, all right.
Well, who else is going?

Punks--

Hyped up on dope
and out for blood.

Well, take a sweater.

This is great.

Darlene's finding
friends her own age,

getting out
of the house.

Well, it beats
having her
sit in her room

all depressed
and psycho-like.

Yeah. Becky,
you going out tonight?

Real funny, dad.

Great going, Dan.

Brilliant.

Well, I didn't
mean anything by it.

The girl just broke up
with her boyfriend,

For god sakes.

God, you're such a man.

Should I go up
and talk to her?

You're the last person
she needs to talk to.

She needs her mother.

And her aunt.

Dad, why did mom
call you a man
like that?

Well, um...

Because she's
mad at me, Deej.

I thought it was good
to be a man.

Oh, no. Not since
the late sixties, son.

Wait a minute. I ought
go in there with you.

I can handle it.

You don't know anything
about breaking up
or getting hurt.

You married
the first guy
you ever dated.

You think
that doesn't hurt?

I have something
to contribute here.

I'll call you when
I need you, Jackie.

What am I supposed
to do, just stand here?

No, stand here.

See, you can hear
everything that goes on

If we're not
in the bathroom.

Hey.

Well, you must
be really happy.

Oh, Becky,
you know that's not true.

How can I be happy
when you're so miserable?

Because you always
hated him.

Because he's a jerk.

Right?

Well, if you
feel he's a jerk,

I'll have
to respect that.

He's such a scum.

He didn't love me.

Cared about
his stupid hair

more than
he cared about me.

Let it out.

Where was he going
with his life anyway?

He was such a loser.

I miss him so much.

Oh, well,
of course you do, honey.

Gee, you were
dating him for what...

weeks? It's got
to hurt a little.

But I'm a mess.

I don't want
to eat.

I can't sleep.

I've been crying
for two days.

How is my life
going to get
any worse?

Now, Jackie.

Thank you very much,
Roseanne.

Oh, great.

The whole family's
going to come in here?

We love you.

We're going to
see you through this.

I don't even know
why I care.

I broke up with him.

That doesn't mean
that you don't
still love him.

Where you going
with this, Jackie?

But just because
you love him

doesn't mean that
he's good for you.

Right.

It just seemed
there were more
bad times

than good times.

There you go.

I don't know
if I'll feel this way
about anybody else.

Maybe not.
He was your first
serious boyfriend,

That well always
be special.

Another guy
will come along,

and hopefully,
he'll be rich,

and that'll be
the end of it.

Mmm, nobody's going
to ask me out again.

Are you kidding?

They'll be lined up
around the block.

Sure. You're pretty.

And you're smart.

You really think so?

Yes. There's
a ton of boys

waiting to hear
Mark's out of the picture.

What if the next guy's
a creep, too?

Then you'll know
a lot sooner.

Eventually you'll
meet some guy
who's not a creep.

Even better than that,
you'll meet a guy

who's everything
you wanted

and makes you
really, really happy.

Of course, you can
never let him know that.

Well, this one's
done.

Already, how can I charge
for three hours' labor

when you're done
in minutes?

You want me to start
on the next one?

Don't you want
to get out of here?

You saying I got
nothing to do?

I can get a date.

I just happen
to need the cash.

You're not going
to run out of here
crying, are you?

[Doorbell jingles]

Customer.

Oh, jeez.

Hi, honey.
What are you
doing here?

You told me
you'd check
the antifreeze.

Let me get my coat.

O.k.

Uh, listen, I'm sorry
about the other night.

Yeah, me, too.

I know you didn't
mean to say
anything stupid.

Thanks, sweetheart.

Hey, Becky.

Hello, Mark.

I'll leave
you two alone.

Why would we
want to be alone?

I don't know
that answer to that.

I heard you out here.

I figured you might
want this back.

Fine.

I got to get
back to work, so...

Well...

I guess it takes
a big man to
return an earring.

He's still
working here?

Um...yes?

You're letting him
work here

after the way
he treated me?

You can't expect me
to fire him

just because
you broke up.

Yes, I do.

I can't.

You only hired him
'cause of me.

I hired him
because he's
a good mechanic.

You don't care
how I feel.

Of course I do.

He was horrible to me.

Becky,
this is business.

He's earned
the right
to work here.

I'm not going
to fire him.

I guess we can see
whose side you're on.

Thanks, dad.

[Door slams]

So am I fired?

No, no.
I need a mechanic.

But I can't have her
mad at me all the time.

I got to find something
that'll make her happy

and me happy.

Mind if I
smack you around?

New guy tonight, huh?

Yup.

What's his problem?

There is no problem.

Dean happens to be
a really great guy.

The kind of guy
who doesn't make me
wait for him.

The kind of guy
who asks me what
I want to do.

Maybe you can train him
to treat you like crap.

When are you
going to run away?

You hate Mark now?

No, I'm just
glad it's over.

Are you going to
have sex with Dean?

Of course.
I'll have sex

with every guy
I meet from now on.

Dean's o.k. with this?

Shut up.

All I meant was
you slept with Mark.

So?

Well, are you
sorry you did?

No.

I really did love him.

I just wish
he'd turned out to be
halfway human.

Yeah. I'm going
to miss the guy.

Oh, please.

I'm serious.
Even when I
was really depressed,

I could always laugh
at old stupid.

Just do me a favor,
and leave Dean alone.

All right.

Wait a minute.

If I go down there

And this Dean guy's
got some sweltering zit
on his forehead...

Oh, jeez.

Am I supposed
to let that go?

I dislocated
my shoulder in practice,

But I wouldn't miss
that last game,

So I didn't
tell anybody.

Must've been
k*lling you.

If you can't
play with pain,

you should be
on the tennis team.

Listen to this knee.

[Knee pops]

Man, that thing
really pops.

I did it in jayvee.

There's no cartilage.
That's bone on bone.

Cool.

Here's
some more chips.

Dean hurt himself
in football

just like I did.

You got drunk
and fell off
the bus, too?

I hurt it in a game.

The bus thing
just aggravated it.

Hey, Dean.

Hey, you look
fantastic.

Thanks, I guess
you've met everybody.

This is my sister
Darlene.

Hi.

Nothing.

Well, let's go.

Let me
get your coat.

He's helping her
with her coat.

This guy is
so great, Roseanne.

It was nice to
meet you all.

Be home by : .

Or : .

Oh, my god!
Oh, my god!

He's incredible!
I love him!

I want to
date him myself!

Isn't he perfect,
Roseanne?

He's history, Dan.

What are you
talking about?

She thought
he was great.

It was so obvious.

He's what's known
as the transition guy.

Dead before
he pulled into
the driveway, Dan.

Better off forgetting
all about Dustin.

Dave.

Whatever.

He's the poor slob

stuck in-between
the first boyfriend

and the next boyfriend.

No.

No, no.

It doesn't have to
work like that.

Roseanne, you never had
a transition guy.

What do you think
you are, Dan?

Isn't he coming back?

I'll explain it
to you someday.

But I liked him.

He didn't call me
jerk-weed.

He didn't
know you, D.J.

I don't believe this.

Well...

There'll be
lots of other boys,
honey.

Nice boys.

Won't be nicer
than Dean.

Well, you'll love them
in a different way, Dan.

You knew this guy
was dead from the beginning?

Why do you think
I tried to unload

the salt-free
chips on him?

In the future,
please give me a clue

before I let
some strange guy
listen to my knee.

Here's the way
it works, Dan.

The next guy you hate,
he's the keeper.

I got a poker game.

That's good.
Get yourself
out there.

Get on with
your life.

Well...

At least I'll
know what to do

When this happens
with Darlene.

Look how cute
you are.

I hate this.

Poor guy.

Doesn't even
have a clue.

Yeah, it's like
somebody moved
his food dish.

Well, I guess we'd
better get going.

What are we
doing tonight?

Well, it was
Crystal's pick,

So she's got us
going to some
self-help seminars.

Oh, no.

Well, you know how
Crystal is lately.

She's a basket case,

So she needs
to network with
other basket cases.

But what are we
supposed to do?

We'll just
sit in the back

and make fun
of everybody.

O.k.

How's your back?

Um, pretty good.

You going
to physical therapy?

Yeah, twice a week,

And I'm sticking
to my diet.
I'm doing all right.

Yeah?
What about your exercise?

What about
your love life?

[Doorbell rings]

I'll get it.

Hi, Mark.
Hey.

Can you tell Becky
I'm here?

Um, Becky isn't home
right now, Mark.

Her car's out front.

She's not home.

Is she out
with that Dean guy?

I don't know if
that's any of
your business, Mark.

I'm going to be
in the kitchen.

You've told her
I called?

Yes, Mark.

Yeah, I'm sure.

Are you
calling me a liar?

I got a husband
and a boss.

I have no need
to lie to you.

So why didn't she
call me back then?

Maybe she
doesn't want to.

Maybe when she
said it was over,
it really was over.

Like you had nothing
to do with that either.

You think
she listens to me?

You've always
put me down,
called me a jerk.

And the more names
I called you,

the more
I shelled out for
birth control pills.

You're the reason
we broke up.

If you'd
treated me decent--

I would've treated
you like a king

if you'd
shown my daughter
any respect.

If once you'd
thought about her
before yourself,

you wouldn't need
to be trying to
blame this on me.

Quit wasting
my time and get
out of my house.

Fine.

Whoa. You really
nuked him.

I don't know, Jackie.

Gee, I've dreaming
about laying
into that punk

for a yeah and a half.

I finally
get the chance,

And I forgot
to make fun of his hair.

I wish you'd
respect that I
don't eat meat.

What are you
talking about?
This is pepperoni.

I don't think
an animal should die

just to feed us.

Oh, come on,
Darlene.

[Doorbell rings]

This stuff's
made of the hair,
teeth, and tail.

Nothing the little
piggy can't live without.

Yeah?

Flowers
for Becky Connor.

O.k. Thanks.
Becky!

Who do you think
those are from?

Who else? Dean, Dean,
the son-in-law machine.

Rosie,
come on out here.

Hurry up!

What?

Looky here.

Dan, you
actually remembered
Valentine's day?

Yeah. Just now.

What? Aww...

Sorry.

That's o.k., what
you're getting me
will be way better.

I can't believe it.

These are from Mark.

No. It can't be.

Yeah.
Listen to this--

"Dear Becky,
thinking of you
first for a change.

I love you, Mark."

Too little too late,
huh, Becky?

I'm going
to find something
to put these in.

Man, this is
all your fault.

You shouldn't have
called her

till you
changed that card.

He wouldn't have
sent them flowers

without
your big speech
about respect.

If you'd fired him,
he wouldn't be able
to afford flowers.

All right.
Old stupid's coming back.

We don't know that.

Dad, thanks
for not firing him.

You were so right.

And you thought
he was a jerk.

Hi. Remember me?

I played Dean in tonight's
episode of Roseanne.

Now,
I don't know about you,

but I thought Dean
was the kind of character

I'd like to see again.

Mark, he's all wrong
for Becky.

And Dean
can make her happy.

There's no reason
Becky couldn't fall
in love with Dean.

They just have to
write it that way.

If you feel like I do,

let's bring Dean back.

You can make a difference.

Just drop a card
or make a phone call--

[Roseanne]
shouldn't you be
washing my car?

Hey, keep your pants on!

I'm talking here!

Uh-oh.