04x14 - The Bowling Show

[bunniefuu]

Damn. This lane
is definitely warped.

Dan now you're
hooking the ball.

You gotta take some spin off.

I know exactly how much
spin I need, Arnie.

The spin's related to
how much wax on the alleys.

It's a matter of physics.

Jeez!

Oh, I think you forgot
to account for

the curvature
of the Earth.

I'm going for a beer.

How else wants one?

You'll get bloated
and bowl like a duck.

My average is
five points higher
than yours, man.

Are you saying I'm the reason
we're in last place
in the league?

Well, yeah.

What about the other
two guys?

They say it, too.

How can two grownups
argue over nothing?

Well, you're new
to this
marriage business.

You'll catch on.

How's married life
treating you?

It's o.k.

My parents came over
for dinner last weekend.

Everything was going
fine until dessert

when Arnie asked my mom
if she cut one.

Men.

If they have to ask,

You know it's them.

Oh...man, my back

is not good.

I'm going to skip it.

Just put me down
for a spare.

I'm putting myself
down, too.

Mom, I need more quarters
for the video games.

Just take it out
of your allowance.

I didn't want
to come here!
You made me!

You begged me.

Did, too!
Did not!

Mom!

All right.

I'll give you
more bucks.

That's not enough!

That is it!

It's quality time.

Hey, Deej,
how's my best buddy
in the whole world?

O.k.
Run along now, son.

Boy,
that's a cute kid.

Uh-oh. No more beer
for Arnie.

Kind of makes you think,
don't it, Nancy?

Tick, tick, tick, tick.

Hey, Rose. A spare.

Very good.

Well, I learned
everything I know

from you, honey.

Why didn't you
give yourself a strike?

'Cause
the lane's warped.

Hey, I'm up.

What's all this
tick, tick, tick stuff?

Arnie's on my back
to have a baby.

Well, maybe
one of these days,
he'll get it right.

I hope not.

I don't want to
walk around

with a bowling ball
in my belly
for nine months.

You also
got to carry around

two of them
in your bra for
a year and a half.

Between
the gutters, Arnie.

Between
the gutters, huh?

Funny, Frank.

He's just trying
to psych you out.

What was that
all about?

His team's
in th place,
we're in th,

So he thinks
he's better than us.

Calm down.
Wait till
saturday night.

We'll show him
who's worse.

God, what difference
does it make?

Oh, they have some
really intelligent
league tradition

that the last-place guys
have to drink beer

out of
their bowling shoes.

Yecchh.

Really, it didn't
taste that bad.

Oh, hey, you guys.

Hi.

What are you guys
doing here?

I'm playing back there
in the bar this weekend.

We're checking out
the room.

We'll have to
go see you.

Is there
a cover charge?

Not for
my personal friends.

Or anybody else.

It would be great
if you guys
could be there.

We could all take
turns requesting
Harper valley PTA.

I think I need
a new groupie here.

See you guys later.

Yeah, saturday night.

Hey, Rosie,
you're up.

What do you want us
to put this frame?

I'm really going
to go for it this time.

Stand back.
Here she comes!

Do it, Rosie.
Knock them down.

I certainly will.

I'm going to k*ll them.

There will be
nothing left but dust.

I plan to completely
pulverize them

With my pretty
pink ball.

She gets a good arc.

What did I get
this time?

I'm giving you
another spare.

Oh, great.
Hey, I'm being
really consistent.

I can't believe this,

Mark is an hour
and a half late.

Where in the hell
is he?

Well, it's
pretty dark out.

I mean, maybe
he thinks he's asleep.

Mother,
shut her up.

At least wait
until your sister's
out of the room.

God, I'm not just
going to sit around

and wait for him.

Who does
he think he is?

Don't, Darlene.

Dan, are you
going to read us
the funny parts?

This guy's
paying me to service
his snowmobiles.

I figure
I should know
what one looks like.

You said it was like
a motorcycle on skis.

Apparently I lied.

You can do it, right?

If I don't have
to do drywall,
I can do anything.

Ah-choo!

Why don't you just
vomit on my plate?

Come here, you.

You know, you've been
sneezing all day.

Let me feel
your head here.

I'm o.k.

You don't have a fever,

but I don't
want you to go

to the bowling alley
tonight.

You'll just run around
and get more sick.

No, I won't.

No, you're going
to stay home.

Hey, Darlene,
can you sit with him?

No, I'm going out.

What do you mean?
You never go out.

Well, then I feel

I should be
encouraged to do so.

Come on, Darlene.

No, I can't.
I already told you.

I'm helping Karen
take inventory.

She's paying me
bucks.

O.k.

See ya.

[Telephone rings]

Phone.

Oh, no. Let me.

[Ring]

Hello?

Oh, hi, Nancy.

Jackie? No, Jackie's
not here.

Yeah, I am.

Oh. Yes, she is.

I told Nancy
to try here
if I wasn't home.

When did you start
talking to Nancy?

Give me the phone.

Nance? Hi!
I just walked in.

Maybe Jackie
could baby-sit.

Shh, shh. I can't overhear
what they're saying.

If I find them tonight,
I'll bring them.

O.k. Sure.

Yeah,
I'll see you there.

O.k. Bye.

Is there a box
of my stuff
in your garage?

Yeah, a couple.
What are you
looking for?

Just my old ice skates.

I'm giving them
to Nancy.

We're going ice-skating
on tuesday.

Like, you're all
chummy with her

after you had
some affair
with her husband?

That was not an affair,

That was
a one-night mistake.

And they weren't even
engaged at the time.

Besides, she and I
talked it through,

and everything's fine
between us.

How come Jackie
and Nancy are going out

and having
some great time,

and they don't even
think to invite me?

What does it
matter, dear?

Because
she's my friend,
and she's my sister.

They're going
to plan to have some
great time together,

and they're not even
thinking to invite me.

If it wasn't for me,

they wouldn't even
know each other.

There is the whole
sordid Arnie
connection, dear.

Ah, yeah, right.
Like they're
getting together

to some little
"I slept with Arnie"
fan club

that I can't even be
a member of.

You know what I mean.

* Smoke blowin' down
from a cabin on the hill *

* Smoke blowin' down
in the street *

* Some kind of sweet-smellin'
mystical backdrop *

* To the story unfoldin'
at my feet *

* Used to walk around *

* With my eyes on fire *

* My nerves real close
to my skin *

Shut the door!

* I had a fist full
of questions *

* And a brand
on my cheek *

* And we would *

* Skate where
the ice got thin **

Whoo!
Oh, whoa!

Thank you.

All right!
Yeah!

I'd like to introduce
the band.

Hank, Pete...

That's Jackie,
that's Nancy,
that's Roseanne,

And you know
Bonnie, right?

You girls got
any requests?

How about doing
the dishes?

I don't know that one.

How about a nice
romantic dinner?

I'm so hungry.

All right. Band's going out
for a chili dog.

We'll return
in five minutes.

He's good.

Don't tell him that.

He'll want
to go on the road,
and that's no good.

All those beautiful
young girls

Bouncing up
and down saying,

"Get off the stage,
grandpa."

I love him
way too much
to let that happen.

Ohh.

I thought you were
with D.J. Tonight.

Mark never showed up,
so Becky's there.

I really
like Bonnie.
She's great.

Yeah, she's cool.

Let's invite her
to go ice-skating
with us tuesday.

Oh, yeah.
Great. O.k.

J., ready for
another beer?

Yeah, sure.

Yo, booze guy,
a couple more!

I like beer.

Oh. Make it three.

Thanks, J.

Is something wrong?

No, nothing's wrong.

O.k. Thank you.

Hmm. My, my, my, my.

Oh, girl,
you are so bad.

I'm just looking.

You know
I'm totally devoted

to turning Arnie
into something
I can live with.

But that doesn't
mean I can't look.

Back me up, Rosie.
You still look,
don't you?

After you get
a few kids,

every time you look
at a man,

all's you see
is more kids.

See? That's exactly
what we were talking about.

Yeah, really.

What?

Arnie is begging her
to have a kid.

I know that, Jackie.

Jackie was so great.

No, now, I didn't
tell you anything

you didn't
already know.

I know,
but I already
made up my mind.

I'm not rushing
into anything.

Right.

You were talking to
Jackie about kids?

Is that wrong?

Well...Jackie doesn't even
have any kids.

I mean, if anybody
should be telling you

not to have kids,

I think it should be me.

You're sure
you're o.k.?

I'm fine.

Well, we weren't
really talking
about having kids.

we were talking
about our careers

and how kids would
get in the way
right now.

Oh, well, then
that's cool,

talking to Jackie
about careers.

I mean, after all,

she has had more
than anybody else
in the world.

You're mad at me.

I'm not mad.

I know the difference

between when
you're really mad

and when you're
just being yourself.

I am not mad.

You're not
looking at me.

See? When she doesn't
make eye contact,

that means she's mad.

I am looking at you.

See?

Ouch.

I didn't want
to start anything

in front of your
little friend.

Oh.

You're mad at me?

I'm not mad.

Time out. I get it.

Roseanne,
we didn't invite you

Because you hate
ice-skating.

You complain whenever
I try and get you to go.

Last time you went,
you hurt your back.

Nice try.

Do you want
to go ice-skating

with me and Nancy on tuesday?

Well, I don't want
any pity invitation.

How about
if we're begging?

O.k.

Great.
The three of us
will go.

It'll be a lot
of fun.

O.k.

Hey, maybe instead
of ice-skating, you know,

we could go see
a real nice movie.

We're going skating.

Fine. I guess I just
don't get any say in it.

Yes!
Yeah!

Yes!

All right.

Damn!

It's all right, Ray.

That's six pins we didn't
have a minute ago.

Hey, Arnie?
Before you fill up
those size s,

maybe you ought to get
a designated driver.

Shut up, skinhead.

Settle down.
He's got you
rattled.

It's looking bad, Dan.

I'm not going
to worry.

We're down by pins,

You're not going
to worry?

When I worry,
my feet sweat.

Come on, Chuckie!

Let's go, big C.!

You got to be
on the job site
: monday morning.

I'm going to
have to bail
on that drywall job.

I just got a big
snowmobile deal
down at the shop.

It's all right,
Chuckie.

Pick it up on
the next ball, babe.

I went out
on a limb for you.

You can get
david Carr.

I know who I can get.

Sorry, Arnie.
This is a big
break for me.

If this deal
pans out,

I'll never have to
take another crappy
construction job.

Ooh, almost!

I do construction.
It's not a crappy job.

You know what I mean.

I don't.

I own a bike shop.

I don't have to work
construction.

So you're better
than me?

I didn't say that.

I'm just as smart.

Fine.

And I'm a better bowler
than you are.

Oh, come down
to planet Earth!

I'm bowling a .
What do you got?

It ain't over yet.

You're acting like
children here.

He started it!

We're all in this together.
Arnie, you're up.

Come on, right
in the pocket, man.

Strike!

All right!
Plus, all right!

Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, o.k.

One strike. Whoopie.

Are you going
to disneyland?

Hey, Dan,
I got my trajectory
down now.

There's
no stopping me.

Trajectory?
Do us a favor.

Don't use words
you can't spell.

I can spell jerk, Dan.

Are you calling me
a jerk?

No. A jerk is someone

who sells
a worthless bike shop

to a sucker like you.

Oh, yeah?
Yeah!

That's enough!

We start fighting
amongst each other,

we don't
have a chance.

Now, come on, Dan,
you're up.

Let's go.

Strike!
How's that, pinhead?

Lucky, lucky.

I could keep that up
all night.

So could I!

Can't you
stop this?

As long as they're
throwing strikes,

I don't care
if they k*ll each other.

That's cold, Chuck.

I ain't drinking beer
out of no shoe.

I heard that, man.

Now, look,
you need four pins

and we beat these guys.

Don't think
about anything
except four pins.

O.k.

Oh, uh, by the way,

Did Arnie
ever pay you back

all that money
you lent him?

No. Why?

No reason.

He just told me
he was shopping
for a new car.

Five! Five! Five!

All right!

We're not the worst!
We're not the worst!

We're not the worst!
We're not the worst!

We're not the--

Good game, Dan.

Yeah, you, too, Arn.

Listen, I'm sorry
about, uh--

Yeah, me, too.
We won!

This is what ninth
place feels like.
It feels good!

Yeah. Hey,
let's go buy Frank a beer

While his shoes
are still ripe.

All right, men!

There we go.

Send this over
to that table

with our compliments.

The odor-eater
is floating
to the top

on that one, Dan.

Oh, well...
Then it needs a twist.

Yeah, make sure
Frank gets that one.

Bowlers.

Hi. Am I too late
to see Duke?

Oh, no. He's got
another set.

Oh, good.

The management
of the Lanford lanes

Would like to congratulate
the new league champions--

The lucky strikes!

And the wrecking ballers

for crawling out
of last place

for the first time
in three years!

There's someone
worse than us!

There's someone
worse than us!

O.k., I want to bring

a fresh set of lungs
up here now.

So put your hands together

for my old lady
miss Bonnie watkins!

* Roll on down *

* I'm gonna roll on down
with you *

* Roll on down *

* I'm gonna roll on down
with you *

Talk to them.

* Restless dreams
of your love drift *

* Elusively again *

* The thought
of our love
churnin', darlin' *

* Warms me like
the southern wind *

* And if you really
want me *

* I'll tell you
what I'm gonna do *

* I'm gonna rock one night
in nashville *

* I'm gonna roll on down
with you *

* I said roll on down *

* I'm gonna roll on down
with you *

* Oh, yeah, hey *

* Roll on down *

* I'm gonna roll on *

* Down *

* With *

* You **

Thank you.

Thank you,
thank you.

Whatever happened
to that sled

that we gave D.J.
For his birthday?

I think it's down
in the basement. Why?

I was just thinking

that I could take it
to the skating rink,

and then Jackie and
Nancy could push me
around on it.

I'm sure they'd
love that, dear.

Who the hell are you?

Kevin.

Kevin who?

Kevin Healy.
I'm Mark's brother.

What are you
doing here?

Mark and Becky went out.

They're paying me
to watch Steej.

Oh, and
where is "Steej"?

I made him go to bed.

He was getting
on my nerves.

I'm home.

They just
left you here alone,
and that was it?

Maybe she thought
she'd get home before you.

Maybe she doesn't care.

Hey, for bucks,
I'm not covering for her.

I know you, don't I?

You're a sophomore,
right?

Yeah.

You hang out
with Dave Mallone
and those guys?

Sometimes.

My name's Kevin.

I'm Darlene.

I know.

We had detention
together once.

I thought
I saw you there,

but I didn't think
you saw me.

Yeah. I saw you.

I like your hair.

It's just...

totally
out of control.

Thanks. Yours, too.

Thanks.

Do you have
detention tomorrow?

Oh, I'm not sure yet.

Well, looks like
Darlene's got her
a little friend.

His name's Kevin.

He's Mark's
little brother.

Come on, Kev.
I'll give you
a ride home.