03x09 - Bird Is the Word

[bunniefuu]

[Television plays]

I said turn it down, toad brain.

You're not my boss.

I'll rip your face off
from the inside, goon.

You cannot harm me.

Sorry.

So you really think
it was cool, huh?

Yeah, who said?

Wow. I guess
the whole school knows.

What does the whole school know?

Class picture.

Fourth row,
second from the left.

Oh, my god.

Becky, you're giving the finger.

Let me see.

D.J., go watch TV.

I can't believe it.

The nerd flips the bird.

I'll call you back, ok?

Come on. You were just
scratching your shoulder, right?

Why is it such a surprise?

Because you're
a butt-kisser,

and you never get into
any decent trouble.

I'm totally impressed.

Wrong, Jackie.

It's Paul Revere
and the Raiders,

but Mark Lindsay was the singer.

Like there was a Paul Revere.

Read the back of the album.

Paul Revere's the blond guy
playing the keyboards.

Why didn't he sing?

Because Mark Lindsay
sang better.

How come it wasn't Mark
Lindsay and the Raiders?

Because... Paul's mother let
them practice in their garage.

Oh.

Becky got a picture today,

and she won't let me see it.

It's just my class picture.

I didn't want him
getting it all gross.

Well, let me see it.

Sure.

See?

I want to see.

Me first.

Why?

'Cause.

No fair.

Becky, where are you?

You mean you can't see me?

Look, everybody.

Daddy's home.

Oh, hi, daddy.

Hi, Princess.

Bud, kitten.

Margaret.

What is it, our anniversary

with the big, greasy car part?

You're fixing her car,

and I won't have to drive her.

Come on. We've
had fun together.

It's fun listening
to you give directions.

Speed up, slow down,
turn left, turn right,

date him, not him.

I got the part
I've been looking for.

All I got to do is
figure out what it is.

Oh, look.

This guy's giving
the old one-digit salute.

Yeah, where?

Right here.

It's very subtle,
under the chin.

There's another one
around the back.

Oh, look it, a double,

the guy with the arms crossed.

Bravo.

Here's the guy
adjusting his glasses.

He's rubbing his eye.

Ooh, a mislead.

Let me try to find one now.

You thought it was funny

when the other kids did it.

But the other kids aren't
my kid, right, Dan?

Not to my knowledge, dear.

Well, I'll leave you guys alone

since I know how disappointed
you are in Becky.

I think I'm getting
a "D" in math.

Go to your room.

What's Becky doing?

D.J.

D.J.,
go watch TV.

I can't believe it's Becky.

It's almost as good

as his we're number one
in the football picture.

That was a classic.

Your parents were
so very overjoyed.

They were so uncool.

I don't know, Dan.

We ought to do something.

I'm not punishing her for this.

But we got to be parents.

Not ours.

We can't bust her
for things we did.

Yeah, but I mean, on one hand,

I don't want her
to think we approve,

then on the other hand,

I feel so close
to her right now.

Say, guys.

Um, your son just gave
Gilligan the finger.

Dan.

Well, he's the reason

they're still stuck
on that island.

Dan.

All right. All right.

D.J., get in here,
little buddy.

Becky!

Yeah?

Have a seat.
Let's see.

Uh, how could I explain this?

Ah!

Ok, this is the church,

this is the steeple,
open the doors.

See the big guy
in the third row?

Don't stick him up in
the air at anybody.

Mom did when she was driving.

Well, the idiot cuts me off.

Scoot.

Ok.

I'm going to see if this fits.

They've taken
these pictures forever.

You'd think the photographer
was wise to it.

Well, every generation
thinks they're the first.

You know that picture of
Washington crossing the Delaware?

The guy in back looks
like he's rowing...

See? Now you think the painter
would've caught that.

So how much trouble am I in?

Sit down.

So?

So?

This doesn't seem
like you, Becky.

Did you know these guys?

Was it a dare thing
or something?

No. I just did it.
I don't know why.

Don't do it again, or you're
going to get grounded.

Ok.

Is that it?

You're doing dishes tonight,
too, and that's final.

But, mom, it's my turn
to do the dishes.

Yeah, well,
nobody has to know that.

Yeah, that's correct, Amy.

Fourth row,
second from the left.

Yeah, her name's Becky Conner...

My sister.

I do, too, have a sister.

She's just been in,
uh... reform school.

Darlene, you want to
hand me that dish?

Got to go.
Fingers needs me.

Here you go...

Sis.

Thanks.

That was Amy Williams.

Her sister's a senior, and
even she knows about it.

Seniors are talking about me?

Everyone is.

It's like
all of a sudden you're...

Cool.

Well, I've always been cool...

But sometimes it's just...

Cooler not to flash how
cool you really are.

[Door slams]

We should just get a new car.

That car was built
the year Becky was born.

It's got a lot of history.

We bought it last year.

It's got somebody
else's history.

We can't afford our own history.

[Telephone rings]

Let's get a used ' .

Oh, an ' !
Dream on!

Yeah.
Hold on a minute.

Uh, it's for
"Mrs. Conner."

It sounds serious.

Who is it?

It's Becky's school.

Hello. This is,
uh, Mrs. Conner.

Uh-huh.

Geez!

Yeah, ok.
I'll be there.

What?

You and your finger
just got suspended.

Cool!

Cool?

You think it's cool

I have to see the principal
and take time off?

You think that's cool, huh?

Uh... Mmm... Becky.

And don't be thinking

you'll be laying around here
on your butt and watch TV.

There's plenty stuff
to do around here.

Dan, you'll be home
fixing the car, right?

Make sure she does it all.

A minute ago you said
it was no big deal.

Well, that was before
you got me in trouble.

Now I got to go to your school.

I don't want to go to school.

Don't worry, honey.
It'll be all right.

If you run into
that assistant principal

who told me I
wouldn't amount to anything,

tell him
Dr. Conner says hi.

Will the following students

please report to
the administration office?

Brian McDermott.

Thank you.

Um, I'm Rebecca Conner's mom.

I'm here to see the principal.

He'll be right with you.

Please... Take a seat
with the other mothers.

Finger?

We're all fingers over here.

Roseanne Harris?

I used to be.

Well, I don't believe it.

Neither do I.

What is it, years?

It's at least that long.

Isn't this weird,
running into each other,

especially at
the principal's office?

I'll tell you
what's really weird.

What?

I don't have the foggiest
idea of who you are.

Anne Marie.

Dixon?

It's Mitchell now.

Did you marry Chuckie Mitchell?

Yeah.

Who would've thought.

You?

Well...

You remember that
good-looking blond guy

that took me
to the junior dance?

Yeah.

Yeah, he dumped me.

I ended up with Dan Conner.

It's really good to see you.

Yeah.

Boy...

This place really
brings back memories,

like the time
we got dragged in here

for burning our bras,

and you told Principal Leeb
it was a political statement.

Oh, man.

Ya know, Anne Marie, it wasn't
even my bra that I burned.

It was Sally Glimpsher's
little tiny bra.

No.

She didn't need it,

and I had gym that day,

so I figured I wasn't going
to get on the trampoline.

I could've hurt somebody.

I remember Sally Glimpsher.

Boy, she was always in trouble.

I think they were just
giving her conjugal visits

in detention.

So tell me, which one is yours?

Mmm, right there.

Aw...

Mm-hmm.

It's her first obscene gesture.

Her father and I
are just so proud.

Here's Chuckie Jr.

Oh, geez, he's got
his father's finger.

Yeah.

This is taking a while,
isn't it?

I hope I'm not late for work.

Me, too.

I hope to talk this guy out
of the three-day suspension.

I hope I can talk at all.

I feel like I'm ,

listening to what
a horrible person I am.

I used to sit there gnawing
on my fingernails.

Yeah.

Of course now
they've grown back,

and I think I can handle it.

Principal Hiller
will see you now.

I didn't do nothing!
Anne Marie did!

Get out of here!

Ladies,

thanks for coming down.

Please, have a seat.

Boy, everything sure
looks a lot smaller.

No offense.

Now, what do we
think about this?

Mrs...

Mitchell.

Mrs. Mitchell, yeah.

And your son has been
suspended for three days.

True.

Well, you must have
an opinion about that,

and I'd like to hear what it is.

I really think a three-day
suspension is a little much.

I think she's right.

I have to agree here.

I'm not saying flipping
the bird is right,

but three days is a long time.

Couldn't you start smaller,

say, like, first a warning,

and then maybe detention?

Something like that?

Ok, you may be right,
but I don't think so.

You see, this is the warning.

Next time they're
down for something,

it'll be two weeks.

Two weeks at home, watching TV.

Boy, that'll really
make them mad.

Yeah.

And you are?

Roseanne Harris...
Er, Conner.

Well, it's easy to see
where Becky gets her attitude.

What do you mean by that?

She's... she's , she
gets really good grades,

she's not pregnant.

I'd say that's
damn near perfect.

Well... I have evidence
to the contrary here,

Mrs. Conner.

What are you saying,
she's a bad kid,

or are you calling
me a bad mother?

I know how hard it is
to juggle a career and children.

Hey! My children
are my career, ok?

You must be talking
about my job,

which you're making me late for.

Me, too.

I sympathize, ladies,
really I do,

but I just can't do this
all by myself.

Maybe you could spend
the days with your kids

and teach them about respect...

Respect for others,
respect for themselves.

Uh, do your kids do this
in the family pictures?

No way.

No. They do it here.

That's right.

Following that logic,
Mrs. Conner,

as long as they're
not stealing anything

out of your living room,

they can hold up
a convenience store.

We're not talking about
armed robbery here.

We're talking about teenagers
flipping the bird.

I think we should get over it.

Maybe you're right,
but I don't think so...

And neither do all these parents

who have called in
to complain about the photo.

They want it re-shot at our cost.

Frankly, Mrs. Conner,
that's not within our budget.

What would you have me tell them

about what your daughter did?

Uh...

That it's a political statement.

Funny...

But I don't think
they would laugh,

and I don't think
they want to "get over it,"

because they did
their job as parents.

If you won't do yours,

I'll see that it
won't happen again

by handing out
a longer suspension next time.

Now...
Let's try this again.

What do we
want to do about this?

Did you drain the oil
out of the crankcase?

Yeah.

Take the filter off?

Uh-huh.

Put the oil in the pan?

Yeah. All this black stuff
came squirting out.

Slide on out of there.

Thank god.

Yeah. Now you're
ready to lube.

You know, dad,

I-it's not like I don't
like all this or anything,

but mom kind of wanted
me to work in the house.

But mom's not here.

Dad, I hate all this.

I know, but you're keeping
your old dad company,

and, damn, we're having fun!

Now get back on under there.

Dad?

Yeah.

What am I supposed to do?

Sorry. You know those pointed
doohickeys I showed you?

Yeah.

Point your g*n at them and fire.

Ok.

Eww! All this
yellow slime is oozing out.

Oh, my god!
Get out of there quick!

Sorry about that. It was
a little garage humor.

Real funny, dad.

Ohh, look at my hands.

They're all greasy and dirty.

Here you go. Wipe them
off on this sandwich.

Say, dad,
were you ever suspended?

Just once.

For what?

Snoring too loud in detention.

Spent the next three days
tuning up my dad's Rambler.

So this is kind of like a
time-honored family tradition, huh?

You bet.

Get on back under there now.

Hi. Where's your dad?

In the garage.

What? No hug and kiss
for your good daughter?

As soon as I get one.

Hi, mom.

What are you doing
with Becky's picture?

I put that in
my special hiding place.

That's where I found it.

Mom, how come Becky's got
three hands in this picture?

Three hands?

Yeah. Look.

Let me see.

Ahh!

She didn't do it.

I'll k*ll her!

This turned out pretty good.

If you're expelled,
you can do lube work.

You know, don't you?

Know what?

Have a look, Dan.

It's not your finger, is it?

It could've been.

Hey, Becky's got three hands.

Catch up, Dan.

What do you mean,
"could've been"?

It was the kid next to me.

Why didn't you say anything?

The picture came out, and
everyone thought I was cool.

You two didn't seem to care,

so I figured, "hey, I'm popular.

Might as well
go with it."

And then you got suspended,

and I had to go down
to the principal's office

and get humiliated.

How long were you
going to go with this?

Till now?

You let your mom take
the heat to be popular?

I'm sorry, but I didn't
get away with anything.

I got suspended.

Well, you're going
to school tomorrow.

I can't.

Oh, yes, you can.

I'll take another hour off work

and straighten everything
out with our principal.

Then everyone will know
I didn't do it.

Yeah. Life sucks,
don't it?

You guys weren't mad when
you thought I did do it,

and now you're mad
because I didn't?

Next year I'll moon
the class photo

so you'll be proud of me.

Just make sure
that it's your own butt.

You'll have to wait.

I've been waiting
for this all my life.

I'm baaaack.

What is it,
Mrs. Conner?

Fourth row,
second from the left.

Did you ever lay awake nights

thinking, "if I had that one
moment to live over again,

I would do it differently"?

I'm having that moment,
and you're in it.

Obviously there's
been a little mistake.

I'll lift Becky's suspension.

And I think
an apology's in order.

Ok. I think
you're right.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Conner.

And what about the other
mothers that were in here?

Their children really did it.

Their kid makes one mistake,
and they're bad mothers?

I believe how a student behaves

reflects the attitudes
of the parent.

What if Becky
wishes she'd done it?

What kind of mother would I be?

I have already apologized...

I'll tell you what kind of
mother that makes me...

The exact same kind
of mother I was yesterday.

No matter how much
we try to control our kids,

at some point, they'll
just do what they'll do.

They are like people that way.

But isn't it our job,
Mrs. Conner,

to make sure they become
responsible, mature adults?

Absolutely, absolutely.

But we must remember, Mr.
Hiller, that it's not easy.

Like, say, when
I'm in here next year

because of something
my Darlene does...

And I will be here...

Just remember that today...
I was a good mother.

I'll do that,
Mrs. Conner.

See you next year.

Tuesdays will be good for me.

Attention,
all students taking Latin,

you're wasting your lives!