02x18 - The Great Escape

[bunniefuu]

* Love and marriage *

* Love and marriage *

* Go together like *

* A horse and carriage *

* This I tell ya, brother *

* You can't have one *

* Without the other *

* Love and marriage *

* Love and marriage *

* It's an institute *

* You can't disparage *

* Ask the local gentry *

* And they will say
It's elementary *

* Try, try, try
To separate them *

* It's an illusion *

* Try, try, try
And you will only come *

* To this conclusion *

* Love and marriage **

Hello, Carol?

Bud Bundy here.

Hello?

Hello, Carol? Don't hang up.
I got tickets to the concert.

Yes. It's Bud Bundy.

Yep.

What would you say
to a couple of primo seats

to the Jimmy d*ck and
the Nighsticks concert Saturday?

Well, yeah,
you'd have to go with me.

I think it's worth it too.

Good. Good.

What say I pick you up
at : ?

Ciao, baby.

Ah...

So many women,
so little time.

Not me.

I got one woman,
too much time.

I'm not really
interested, Dad.

Listen, I really want
to impress this girl,

so could you
drive me?

Oh, could you wear one of
those stupid chauffeur hats?

And put something
under your arm

so it looks like
you're packing a rod.

Why, Bud?

What your father's got
under there already

is far more lethal.

Al, the termite control man
would like to speak to you.

Oh, why?

I keep telling you,
we don't have termites.

It's just
the house settling.

Kel, did you get
the tickets for the concert?

I sure did...
and backstage passes.

All right, Kel.
You're a goddess.

Give me my tickets.

Oh, I decided
not to get you any.

See, it was either
use your money

to get four regular
concert tickets

or to get two tickets
and two backstage passes for me,

so I'm taking my ugly friend,
Mandy.

That way, Jimmy will
only look at me.

I'm so happy.

Well, Kel...

I'm happy for you, but...
what the hell about me?

Oh, Bud...

I'm going to meet
Jimmy d*ck!

He's got this house
in Jamaica.

Do you know what I would
do for a house in Jamaica?

Yeah, the same thing
you'd do

for dinner and a movie.

Getting back to my
petty problem, see,

I finally got a date
with a girl who has a waist.

I've never
had waist before.

I've gotta have someplace
to take her.

Come on, Bud.

I'm sure there's
plenty of places

you could take her instead.

I know.

The Peanuts g*ng on Ice
is in town!

You know I'll devote
the rest of my life

to get revenge on you.

Well, I'm not too worried.

See, I'll always have
the smell of Clearasil

to warn me that you're coming.

How could we have termites?

Kids, didn't I tell you
to wipe your feet

before you come
into the house?

Now look.
We have termites.

Now, kids, don't be ashamed.

Even the finest homes
have termites.

Of course, they get them
from homes like ours.

Hey, Kel, Dad's
in a real bad mood.

Be on your
best behavior.

The least little thing
could get you grounded.

Don't worry.

I cleaned up my room.
I did all my chores.

I'm untouchable.

Hey, Dad.
Report card day.

I got four A's and a B,
but enough about me.

Batter up.

I, uh...I lost it.

Well...this is
your lucky day...

because I found it.

It must have fallen out
of your purse

and accidentally got
taped under your bed.

How did she do?

Ahem.

F, F, F, D.

What happened, Kel,
you attend one?

Kelly, this is
the worst one yet.

Now, we're going to have
to think

of a punishment
for this.

Hey, I'm sure
you'll think of something.

Oh, by the way, have a good time
at that concert Saturday, Kel.

Concert?

You think that you're going
to a concert this weekend?

No way.
You're grounded.

Grounded?

Kelly, you have got
to learn responsibility.

Honey, would you like to see

some of your father's
old report cards?

He didn't think studying
was important either.

Now look at him.

Well, Mom, you're right,
of course,

but won't you reconsider?

I mean, I just know

Kelly will study
for Monday's math test

right after the concert.

You have
a math test Monday?

Damn my loose lips.

Kelly?

Oh, come on.

I mean, when am I ever
going to need to know math?

Well, you may need it for
your career, you know--

three Whoppers,
large fries, and a Coke.

EXTERMINATOR:
Yo, Mr. Bundy!

More news
on the termite front.

Let me guess.

A termite slipped
in the tub, broke his wing,

and he's suing us.

Well, on the good side,
he can't get much.

Kel, I know what
you're thinking.

"Now, what am I going to
do with those tickets?"

Well, since I got you
grounded,

I'll take them
off your hands.

Do you think
that for one second

I'm going to stay here
and study

when I'm just
a paternity suit

away from Jamaica?

Oh, no, Budrick.
No.

I'm sneaking out.
I do it all the time.

No house
can hold me,

and you are not going
to tell on me.

You can count
on me, Kel.

Oh, I know I can,
because, you see,

I happen know the true identity

of the masked
Lovers' Lane Peeper...

You know, the one
the whole football team

has a bounty on?

You-- You have no proof.

Oh?

Then, uh...

what would you call
this mask and flashlight?

I just look.

So, Mr. Bundy,
we tent this baby up,

and in just a couple of days,
adios, termites.

Oh yeah? Well, how
much will it cost

to tent this baby up?

Just a second.
Now, let's see.

We're going to need
the special tent.

Special tent?
For what?

Well, you know, your
house is shaped oddly.

You mean
like a house?

Yeah. Too bad.

Now, let's see.
You got floors. That's extra.

You got rooms.
That's extra.

And windows, too.

Uh-oh.

Now, you got an attached garage,
so I'll give you % off,

but then it is another room,
so that's extra...

plus gratuity....

that comes to $ , .

Listen,
we'll think about it.

We'll let you know.

Okay, but be quick.

Our price
goes up next week.

I'm getting
my license.

Kelly, you see what happens
when you study?

$ , a job,
$ , a year.

Yes, no.

Winner, loser.

su1c1de, reason.

Listen, I can squeeze you in
on Saturday.

Saturday's fine.

Saturday?

Is a check okay?

No.

Ah, that's just great.

$ , for a tent
to put over a house.

Listen, why don't we just borrow
one of your mother's muumuus?

Hell, if she doesn't wash it,

we won't have to pay
for the poison, either.

Well, since they're going
to be spraying the house

with pesticides,

the kids and I

will have to find
someplace to stay.

I can stay
at my friend Mandy's.

Forget it, Kelly.

You're grounded
this weekend.

You're staying with the family
and studying.

Now, let's see.

We need a place to stay
that's cheap and comfortable

and accepts pets.

I got it. We'll sleep
in the shoe store.

Oh, honey,
please reconsider.

There's still time to get
four cardboard boxes

and sleep
in the junkyard.

Nah, it's too much
like staying at your mother's.

Nah, the shoe store's
better and safer.

Once I lock it up,
nobody can get in...

Or out.

Oh, sir...
it's been minutes.

Don't you think you
should get me a shoe?

That's an all-too-common
mistake

in the shoe biz, miss.

You see, us real pros

understand the need
of holding a foot

and getting a good
look at the leg

so we know what
we're dealing with.

I hope you're not
too uncomfortable.

Well, actually,
it turns me on.

We're closed.

Go home, Peg.

I am home, Al.

We're here, Dad.

Oh, Dad!

While you're here,

can I show you
some of our bras?

I think I better be going.

Well, could you show me
some of yours?

Uh, Al, are these some
of the fat women

that you're always
complaining about?

That was a once-in-a-lifetime
thing, Peg,

and I'm so glad you guys
were here to scared it away.

Oh, Peg, didn't you
bring him a bone or anything?

Those are $ pumps.

Buck! Here, boy!

Here, take this.
This one's on sale.

Isn't that cute, Al?

It's like he knows.

Yeah, it's real cute,
Peg.

When he's done with the shoe,
why don't you take him

over to the cash register
for dessert?

Kel, why don't you just
give me the tickets?

You're not getting
out of here.

That's what they said
about the th grade,

but eventually,
I will.

Well,
it's closing time.

No, really?
Look at this.

Go home, Peg.

We're closed.

Oh.
Oh.
Oh.

No! We've never
been more open.

How can I disappoint
the poor ladies, Peg?

Have sex with them.

Ha! Ha! I intend to.

Uh, ladies, sit down.

Where are
you ladies from?

We're from right next door--
The aerobics studio?

So many times
we've passed by

and seen your little face
pressed against the window.

Oh, no.

So we thought
we'd come in.

Do you have time?

For you?
Of course.

Um, what can I
do for you?

I was looking for
an evening shoe.

Well, all right.
Let me measure your chest.

I mean...ha, ha, ha!

I mean your foot.

Sometimes when
I'm at a party...

I don't know,
I can't help myself.

I think they call it
nymphomania.

Every man I see,

I just can't
keep my clothes on.

Excuse me, sir.

Since I'm the one
buying the shoes,

don't you think you should
be measuring my foot?

I'm sorry.
She's the nymphomaniac.

Excuse me, sir,

but I'm going to do what
all of your customers do--

Go to Morty's for shoes,

where they have
much cuter salesmen,

and younger too.

This guy
is pretty old.

Maybe we should
go to Morty's.

I hope there is
a really cute guy there.

Old or not,
in another second,

I would have been
all over this one.

Ta-ta!

Why, Peg, why?

Oh, because I thought I saw you
starting to look happy.

I was just pretending.

You of all people
know I'm not happy.

See, it's part of my job

to make the customers
feel special.

It's what I do,
and I'm proud of it.

I'm a pro. I care.

I need shoes.

Yeah, the blacksmith's
right around the corner.

And now we're closed,

and much like my life,
my day is over.

Uh, Dad? In case
of an emergency,

where are
the other exits?

There are
no other exits.

But don't worry.
Nothing will happen.

But if something does,
I've got keys right here...

so you can't
leave me behind.

Now, everybody gets
a sleeping bag.

Don't rush. There's
one for everyone.

Gee, Al, this is great.

When it gets dark,
can we all sit around a boot

and tell ghost stories?

We've got canned meat
from the survival store,

we've got games
from the toy store,

and most importantly,
we've got each other.

Family, we're going to have
the time of our lives.

Wow, what a nice
shoe store!

What's the matter?
Aren't we having fun?

Frankly, Daddy,
I'm all partied out.

Oh, wow, look at the time.

It's : . I know I'm beat.

Why don't you guys turn in?

If I'm going to do any studying,
I'll need quiet.

Hey, look. The movie
at the mallplex

must have
just let out.

What's the matter?

Haven't you ever seen a family
living in a shoe store before?

A lousy eight bucks.

He would not put up a lousy
eight bucks for a hotel.

He's a cheap--

Good night, everybody.

And you single guys out there,
remember,

this could happen to you.

Peg, that's Morty.

Aw, don't worry, honey.
You got me.

Ha, ha, ha.
Right.

Hey, Morty, look what I got.

Eat your heart out, buddy.

Well, Peg, I'm depressed
enough now to go to bed.

Don't you mean
go to bag, honey?

Oh, I knew we should have
stayed in a hotel.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, listen. Don't mess
up these sleeping bags.

I borrowed them.

And watch what you do
with those tags,

because if I lose them,
I've got to pay for them.

You guys go to sleep.
I'm trying to study.

Oh, then won't you need
these books?

Oh, God, I was studying so hard,
I thought I had them.

Ow!

Sorry.

Dad, Kelly stepped on me.

Get used to it, son.
They do that your whole life.

Ow!

Maybe we should have
stayed at a hotel.

Daddy, go to sleep.

I can't. I got a furball
in my throat.

Ah, it's not just that.

[GAGGING]

I just feel bad about
grounding you and everything

and making you study.

I just want you
to do your best.

Right, Daddy.
Go to sleep.

Eh, I'm bored.

Listen, is there anything
that, you know,

you want to talk about
that's bothering you?

Do it now, because when
we get home, I won't care.

Everything's great.
Go to sleep.

I can't.
I'm not tired.

Okay, well,
since you're up,

there is something
I'd like to talk about.

I have been having

these menstrual problems
lately--

Oh, boy, I'm tired.

I think I'll hit the sack.

Oh, listen, hon,
stay away from the door,

because the electric eye is on.
It's real sensitive.

The alarm will go off.

Hee, hee, hee, hee.

Hey, Peg.

I'm bored. Want to do it?

Al, the kids are here.

Okay, but remember I asked.

See you in the fall.

[SNORING]

You are the lowest.

Stealing from Daddy?
Oh, God...

I'm over the wall.

Well, how are you going
to get past the electric eye?

The same way you get
your dates-- crawl.

[GROANING]

Those damn mannequins
look like hookers.

See you in Jamaica.

[TOILET FLUSHES]

Uh...green meat attack.

[DOG GROWLS]

What's that, Dad?

Ah, that's Satan,
the mall guard dog.

Don't worry about it.
He can't get in here.

It's a good thing too.
He's a real k*ller.

[BARKING]

Better than any concert
I've ever seen.

[***]