02x16 - Master the Possibilities

[bunniefuu]

* Love and marriage *

* Love and marriage *

* Go together like
A horse and carriage *

* This I tell ya, brother *

* You can't have one *

* Without the other *

* Love and marriage *

* Love and marriage *

* It's an institute
You can't disparage *

* Ask the local gentry *

* And they will say
It's elementary *

* Try, try, try
To separate them *

* It's an illusion *

* Try, try, try *

* And you will only come
To this conclusion *

* Love and marriage **

Gee, you know, I have
this funny feeling

we forgot something.

Bud, do you have
that shopping list?

Let's see.

Bread, milk, juice, eggs,
cereal...

That's what we forgot.

We forgot to do
the grocery shopping.

Oh, well.

Nice jacket, Mom.

Yeah.

It was expensive,
but it's Daddy's money.

[CAR DRIVES UP]

Ooh. It's Daddy.

Okay. Who went shopping?

Shopping?

Not us.

We've been here all day.

Where did you get the jacket?

Oh, this old thing?

How was your day, honey?

Oh, great.
Only worked half a day.

Stopped to get something to eat.
Whipped out the ol' credit card.

They whipped out
the ol' scissors

and cut it in half.

Over-extended again.

Anyhow, I'm a little late
because I didn't have any cash,

so to pay
for my grilled cheese,

I had to unload lobsters
for two hours.

Nice skateboard, Bud.

Well, Bud needed
a few things for school.

Which class needed a new jacket
for Mommy?

It was just a cheap jacket.

I mean, it hardly cost anything.

You're just making a big deal
over nothing.

You know,
I was just out shopping

and I wanted to get

a little something
for everybody.

What did you get for me?

Oh, that reminds me.

Here you go, Buck.

He is such a good boy.

He's a throw rug
that eats.

And gets mail! Look at this.

"Buck Bundy, you may have
already won $ million."

My dog's on a mailing list?

You see, Dad,

sometimes when you order
something in the mail,

your name goes on
a mailing list.

Well, what did Buck
send away for?

Kelly ordered him
a dog collar.

It cost bucks.

Where is Kelly, by the way?

Oh, she's out
on a double date,

her and two guys.

Don't worry, Dad.
You still got me.

Uh, Bud, what is this?

It looks like a new video game
I'm sitting on?

Well, it wasn't as much
as Mom's coat.

Was so.

Oh, yeah? What
about the watch?

Well, what about
the attitude?

"Dad'll just have
to sell more shoes"?

You know, when the truck

was taking me
to the lobster warehouse,

I said...

I said to Sven, "You think
it's all worth it, buddy?"

And Sven said,

"When it's for the family,
it's always worth it."

He also said that
a lobster couldn't pinch

through
an athletic supporter.

Sven was for today.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Next time I spend
Daddy's money,

I'm spending it alone.

Hi.

This came to our house
by mistake.

It's for you, Al.

It's for me?

Finally,
something for me.

Wonder what it is.

Yodelin' Andy's
Train Songs...

Yodelin' Andy's
Yodelin' Songs...

Yodelin' Andy
Yodels the Blues...

Best of Yodelin' Andy.

Oh, and Yodelin' Andy's bill
for $ .

Peg?

Not me.

Bud?

Yeah, right.

That's all my record collection
was missing.

Now I've got something

to put between my Trini Lopez
and Burl Ives.

It's not Kelly.
Our names are spelled right.

So...

So, you didn't order this?

Now, how am I going
to come up with $ ?

How am I going to pay $ ?

Well, if you didn't have
that grilled cheese sandwich,

you could've put it
on your credit card.

If your father

didn't lace that lemonade
with vermouth,

I'd be single.

You don't have to pay
for those albums, Al.

The law says

that if you get something
you didn't order,

not only
do you not have to pay for it,

but you can keep it
and use it.

That's how we got that
Facts of Life talking scale.

Anyway, Steve's out
gassing up his Mercedes.

Then we're going shopping.

Want to come, Peg?

Oh, Al, can I?

Oh, sure.

And if Sven doesn't need
any more help with the lobsters,

maybe I can get a job
in the zoo

circumcising
the Tasmanian devils.

Nobody goes shopping
till I get some more money.

As a matter of fact,

nobody goes shopping
when I get some money

because I'm going to apply
for more credit cards

in my name only.

Marcie, now, you work at a bank.

You guys give out credit cards,
right?

Uh... No.

No, we don't.

Well, you do give out
loans, though.

Uh... No.

Not anymore.

You're thinking
of a different kind of bank, Al.

But you're a savings and loan,
aren't you?

Well, yes, we are,

but we just call it that,
you know,

to get people to come in.

Oops. I think I hear Steve.

Coming!

Oh, Steve, there you are.

We don't need her.

We don't need either of them.

Well, actually,
we do need Steve,

because I don't have any gas
and I don't have a credit card,

so Bud...

We'll be needing
the siphoning hose.

Right, Dad.

Now, Steve's gas

ought to take care of us
till Thursday,

and now, I'm going to take care
of all our credit problems.

Well, you know, honey,

I don't know
much about these things,

but it seems to me

that when they take a buzz saw
to your credit card in public,

it's just their way of saying,
"Get lost, deadbeat."

We'll just send for some
we don't have.

How are they going
to know you broke me?

Credit's so easy to get
these days,

these companies
will just fight

for a new guy like me.

Everybody said no?

No. Everybody said,
"Get lost, deadbeat."

You know,
the sad part is, Peg...

I lied about my income.

I do too, dear.

Hey, look.

Here's a lingerie offer
for Buck Bundy.

And our assemblyman
would like Buck Bundy's vote.

And this real estate agent says,

"Let me sell your house,
Buck Bundy."

Is there anything there
that says,

"We want to make a coat
out of you, Buck Bundy"?

Al, you're just jealous
of the dog.

I'm jealous of anybody
not married to you.

Here's something I missed.
Oh, look, it's a credit card.

Ha! See? I told you,
anybody can get a credit card.

Anybody did, Al. It's for Buck.

And you couldn't even get
a gas card.

Hey, Bud. Buck
got a credit card.

Wow. Dad can't even get
a gas card.

Hey, I know what we can all do.

Let's go down
to the water treatment plant,

and you can all take turns

throwing ol' Dad
in the raw sewage.

Come on, honey. It's funny.

I mean, Buck got a credit card.
He didn't even apply for it.

Yeah, he didn't ask for it.

Hey, remember what
Mrs. Rhoades said

about
those Yodelin' Andy records?

If they send you something
and you didn't order it,

you can keep it, use it,
and not pay.

Oh, Al. Do you think we could?

Well, when the bill comes,
it'll come to Buck.

What are they going to do,
sue a dog?

Arrest him? Cuff him?

Beat the hell out of him?

And what if they did?

Dad, I think we've just stumbled

onto a major
financial breakthrough here.

You bet we did.
Good boy, Buck!

Let's hit the stores.

Wait a second.

How are we going
to get there?

I don't have any gas,

and gas stations
don't take these cards.

[CAR DRIVES UP]

STEVE:
Marcie, I'm home!

[DOOR SHUTS]

Get the siphon hose, Bud.

We're going shopping.

* Yep, they call me
The yodelin' maa-aan *

* I yodel whenever I caa-aan *

* And if you try
You can yo-o-odel too-oo **

Hey, Bud,
did you call your sister

at her grandma's

and tell her to hurry home
and enjoy this while it lasts?

Oh, yeah.

I'd never forgive myself
if she missed this.

Peg, what do you
want to do tonight?

Oh, I don't know.

All the stores are closed,

and there's never anything to do
around the house.

Oh, I need a vacation.

That's not
a bad idea.

I wouldn't mind
getting out of here

for a couple of days.

Oh, gee, Al, I'd love to,

but you know
it wouldn't be a real vacation

if we had to take...

Ud-bay.

She means me, Dad.

Oh.

Don't worry about me.

You deserve a good time.

I'll manage... Somehow.

Yeah, but who's going
to stay with you?

Uh... Kelly! Yeah, yeah.

When I called her, she said
she'd be coming home early.

Well, they've got plenty
of fancy hotels downtown.

We could check in
to one of those

and be only minutes away.

Oh, Al, could we?

Hey.

As long
as I'm not paying for it,

nothing's too good
for my wife.

* Yodel-o-hoo
Yodel-o-hoo *

* Yodel-o-hoo
Yodel-o-hoo *

You know, I know someone must
have said it before, Peg,

but it's good
to be rich.

Changes your whole
outlook on things.

Here we are
in the same room,

and not once
have I thought

about sitting in the car,
closing the garage door,

and letting the engine
purr me to sleep.

I know, sweetie.

Many is the time

I've thought of you
doing that too.

Well, it's all
behind us now.

Anybody for some more
Yodelin' Andy?

You know, Al,

maybe we should give
Yodelin' Andy a rest.

We've already
gotten complaints

from the neighbors
in the next suite.

Ah, that champagne
I sent them

ought to shut them up.

See, that's how rich people
shut each other up, Peg.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Hey, you,

the guy with his thumb
in my vichyssoise...

Open the door!

We're obnoxious,

but we'll give you
a big tip.

Well, then, it's okay.

If it's our children,

tell them
we're not here.

Here's your bill, sir.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Peg. You got
to see this.

Oh! That's more than
you earn in a week!

And you didn't want
to get a dog!

Let me just write in
your tip.

Oh, sir!

That ought to keep
you groveling.

All right.
Let me sign it.

Buck Bundy.

There you go.

Did you see the look
on that bellboy's face, Peg?

On his face? No.

Mr. Bundy?

I'm Bundy.

My name is Hiram S. Massey.

Sorry to disturb you
while you bathe,

but my wife and I

wanted to thank you
for the champagne.

It's her favorite.

Great minds drink alike.

[LAUGHING]

Where is the old bird,
anyway?

Well,

she's a little shy.

Come on in, hon. It's okay.

Hi.

Thanks for the bubbly.

It's my favorite.

Thank you.

But I didn't do anything.

Oh, yeah, you did.

You old dog, you!

I could say the
same thing about you.

No, you could say
the same thing about her.

Gee, you have a lot of food
in here.

Hiram ordered our dinner
two hours ago,

but they said that
all the bellboys were in here.

Do you mind if we join you?

Sure. Dive in.

Gee, Bud, I don't know why
I've never noticed you before.

Yeah. You're really cute.

Thanks for the TVs.

A drop in the bucket.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oops. Must be my masseuse.

Oh, hi, Bud.

Listen, I came over
to ask your father something.

He knows a lot about cars.

My new Mercedes is getting
three miles per gallon.

Listen, Mr. Rhoades,

I hope you don't think
I'm a bad host here,

but I'm moments away
from truly understanding Hef.

Wait a second. Where did you get
all this stuff?

Ooh! A ski training machine.

We can't afford
a ski training machine.

I'd love to have
a ski training machine.

Yeah, sure you would,
Mr. Rhoades. Bye.

Wait, wait. Wait a second.

Bowling balls,
radios, TV sets.

Your father is a pauper.
What's going on here?

Mr. Rhoades, please,

go downstairs
and play in our wine cellar.

According to Dad,
all I need is a few minutes.

Uh, Bud, I'm going to make this
short and sweet.

Your father has a lot of stuff.
I want some stuff too.

All I want to know is,
how did he get it?

Dad told me not to tell you.

Bud...

Coming, dear.

Bud, we have
to be home soon.

But I've got all night.

Okay, Rhoades, you win.

They gave Buck
a credit card.

Dad's using it because
he didn't ask for it,

so he doesn't have to pay.

You know, like when
you get records you didn't want.

Did he happen
to sign Buck's name

to the receipts?

Sure.

Then it's a-prison
he'll be going.

You might want to let him know.

Well, he's sort of at a hotel.

Then he's sort of in
big trouble.

Gee, Bud,
what's the matter?

Nothing that can't wait.

Peggy, are you sure

you don't want
to join us in here?

No, thanks.
I'm fine right here.

Here's your
bill, sir.

Let me
get that.

No, no, no. My tub, my grub.
Just put it on my tab.

Ooh!

Oops!

Sorry.

Did you drop the soap again,
sweetie?

I don't know what's wrong
with me tonight.

Well, if you can't find
that one,

I have a nice fresh bar

I'm sure we could find someplace
to stick.

Peg!

Now, they're guests
in our tub.

It was a total accident.

You can look for the soap
all you want, dear.

Ooh!

Oops!

You know, Bundy--

Buck.

Buck. I could use
a man like you.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Carlos, "el fono."

I wish
you were available.

I need somebody to
manage my operations

in Houston.

You'd be perfect.

You know anybody
like you

who wouldn't mind starting out
at grand a year?

He'll take it!
I'll take it!

Oh, now, Buck,

we're talking
a lousy grand here.

Why would you want
to start over

on the bottom?

Oh, my husband belongs
at the bottom.

He loves the bottom.

In fact,
he is the bottom.

Here's some soap.
Play, play, play.

Oh!

Mr. Massey,
my husband needs the bottom.

I mean, sure,
the money is a joke.

Just send me the check
and give him the job.

Well...

Mrs. Bundy,

I have a message
from your son.

I am very busy.

Oh, it's a very interesting
message.

Well, it was nice to be rich,
even if just for a little while.

And now we're poor again.

I'm just sorry you had
to give everything back.

Not everything, Mom.

You know,

luckily, the credit card company
was so embarrassed

about giving a dog
a credit card,

they decided
not to press charges.

They just impounded the stuff.

Where's Dad?

Well, it seems
that you can't impound

$ worth of hotel services
and food,

so we all got together
and we discussed it.

Everyone was real nice.

And the upshot is...

Daddy will be working days
in the shoe store...

And nights... Well...

Boy!

Yes, ma'am?

My lobster's cold.

I'm sorry, ma'am.

Oh, and... Buck...

I need someone
to scrub my back.

I'm an excellent tipper.

Good boy, Buck.