02x02 - Sabrina Gets Her License: Parts 2

[bunniefuu]

This is so not me.

WITCHES [CHANTING]:
We are witches with positive powers

We'll be marching
For hours and hours

- I don't wanna go to witch camp.
- Come on.

- It won't be that bad.
- Are you kidding? I've been there.

- What?
- I didn't study either.

And don't bother fleeing to Canada.
It doesn't work.

Time to go.

Need a hand?

[SCREAMS]

SABRINA:
That was so not nice.

Lots of swimming pools
in the Other Realm.

Ow.

Name?

Sabrina Spellman.

Regulation uniform,
SP pack, dog tags, boots.

- I'm just a number to you, aren't I?
- S-dash- -dash- -K.

Okay, so I'm a lot of numbers to you.

- I wish we could help Sabrina.
- You know we can't.

But I have something
that's going to cheer you up.

I'm going to
take a walk on the wild side

- and spend the money.
- No.

- Yes. I'm going to buy a lab.
- A puppy?

- A dog?
- No, a laboratory.

I'm not relieved.

It's time I branched out
from physics into chemistry.

I really think I can help mankind.

Maybe end hunger, cure diseases,

develop a nail-polish remover
that doesn't stink.

Where are we gonna put a laboratory?
The dungeon's full.

It'll fit right on top
of the dining-room table.

I'm gonna buy one
of those new quantum labtops.

Oh, let's just invest it.

- Hey, look, we wore the same outfit.
- No talking during cleanup.

Ten-hut!

Well, looks like we got
another crop of pathetic witches.

You couldn't zap your way
out of a paper bag.

Prepare for inspection.

Get that dirt out of
those fingernails, witch girl.

Those cuticles are a disgrace.

- Well done, Fink.
- Sir, I just had a manicure, sir.

Spellman. Spellman.
Why is that name so familiar?

Hilda Spellman.

Hilda "Thorn in My Side" Spellman.

- Don't tell me you're related to Hilda.
- Okay.

All right,
we all know why you're here.

You're failures. Washouts. Losers.

And it's my unfortunate duty
to take your sorry fingers

and make men out of them.

Now, get out there
and make some magic.

Out! Hut!

Hut! Hut! Hut!

Hut! Hut! Hut...

[HUMMING]

Excuse me, Sergeant Slater.

I appreciate all you're trying to do,
but I have a bit of a situation.

- A situation?
- Yeah, see, it's really just bad timing.

Tonight's the football formal kickoff
at my high school.

- Ah, big doings in the Other Realm.
- Right, and I promised Harvey--

Your special guy.

Exactly.
I promised him that I'd be there,

and I've been kind of letting
him down a lot lately.

Well, precious, I know how important
these high school things are.

Really?
So do you think it'll be okay if I go?

What I think is...

...you're in witch camp now!

My hair.

I can't believe we had to scale that wall
till we hit clouds.

- Crybaby.
- If I had strength, I'd trip you.

Ten-hut!

If you thought today was fun,
just wait till tomorrow.

- What are these?
- Deactivators.

While that's on your ankle,
you can't use your magic.

Just in case anybody's thinking
about popping in popcorn

or popping out to Paris.

[SLATER LAUGHS]

Nighty-nights, ladies.

Just doesn't sound as mean
when they really are ladies.

I see you. Regulations prohibit
puttering after lights out.

Conserve your energy, Fink. You have
a lot of kissing up to do tomorrow.

Look, I know what you're doing,
and I'm going to tell.

Regulations prohibit
getting out of bed before sunup.

Drat.

First thing in the morning,
I'm tattling my brains out.

I'm so glad we spent our
small fortune on a briefcase.

So fire it up and whip me up
some hospital-grade catnip.

Uh-uh. This is highly
technical equipment.

No one touches anything
until I've read the manual.

- Push the button.
- You push it.

Push it.

Cool.

[SLATER WHISTLING]

[SABRINA GRUNTS]

[FABRIC TEARS]

Ow!

[DOG BARKING]

Mine!

Ow!

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS]

Yeah, I'd like to place an order.
I'll be paying with cash.

First item: mouse on a string.
Now, that's a real mouse, right?

No?

Yeah, and don't ever
call me here again.

Sabrina?
You busted out of the joint?

- I've gotta get this deactivator off.
- I'll pick it with my dewclaw.

It's essentially the same lock
that's on your diary.

Huh.

I clean up pretty good.

- Hey, Harvey.
- Sabrina, you finally made it.

Wild dogs couldn't keep me away.

Hey, you shaved.

Second time this month.
It's getting to be a real pain.

- So did you bring my poster?
- Poster. Right.

Bathroom. Be right back.

[SABRINA CLEARS THROAT]

[WHISTLING]

They're big enough. Just go.

Have fun.

Here you go, Harvey.

Okay.

[SOUND OF ENGINE STALLING]

No, no, not again.

[SOUND OF ENGINE STALLING]

[YELLS]

No.

[YELLS]

- Okay.
- Kink?

It could be your sports name.
You know, like Shaq.

Well, at least you tried.
Let's go to the dance.

Sounds great.

You know, I think they offer
art classes in summer school.

All right, I'm ready to open her up.
Put that down!

[GLASS BREAKS]

We'll put a plant over that spot.

I specifically told you
not to touch anything.

I think that's what made it
so tempting.

You have no expertise
at this level of chemicals.

That's what they said to the guy
who invented Post-its.

Ha. Whoo!

Cool.

You know, Zelda,
I can admit when I'm wrong.

I love the labtop.

We are not keeping this car.

And we are not keeping
Erik Estrada.

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

It's not so much a poster
as a cry for help.

[GIRLS LAUGHING]

Deep down
she can't be happy, right?

Sabrina, I know
I'll probably step on your toes,

and it'll be really awkward,
but do you wanna dance?

How can I resist?

[R & B MUSIC PLAYING]

- You're not a bad dancer. Ow!
- Sorry.

I'm glad we're finally
spending some time together.

Me too.

Spellman!

[SCREAMS]

- What'd I step on?
- No, no, I'm okay.

Looks like she dances
as well as she draws.

Gotta go.

Sabrina! You lost your boot?

Unauthorized leave,
upsetting a fellow recruit,

deactivating your deactivator,

feeding a canine officer
a non-food substance.

- Hey, he picked that fight, not me.
- Oh, yeah? That's not what he said.

Oh, my poor finger.

So sorry.

- Your two days are up.
- Woo-hoo!

Spellman, that may be
a premature "woo-hoo."

If you miss your second question,
you'll be mine for an entire year.

And if you're anything like your aunt,
you will miss it.

Don't worry. I won't be back.

HILDA: Sabrina,
we're here to take you home.

Hilda Spellman.
Oh, no, the flashbacks.

[SLATER SCREAMS]

Isn't that sweet? He remembers me.

Thanks for the soak.

Well, better go study
the magic handbook.

Just as soon as I catch up
with Harvey and Valerie.

ZELDA: Sabrina.
- What?

You can't study all the things
you need to study

and keep doing all the extra
things you've been doing.

- You think?
- Let's make a list of all your activities

- and see where we can skim the fat.
- All right.

Well, study the magic handbook,

school, hang with Valerie,
edit the paper,

AP Algebra, and Harvey stuff.

You know, like football games,
Slicery, phone calls.

Now, what can you cut out?

School?

All right, I'll-- I'll stay on the paper,
but I'll give up being editor.

- And...?
- And what?

Algebra.

- The Harvey stuff.
- You have to cut back a little.

I can't cut back on Harvey.

There's more at stake
than you realise.

I can't say more,
or Zelda will hurt me.

How can I cut back on Harvey now?
I mean, I fell asleep on the phone,

I forgot about his cookies, I--
I made him the worst poster,

and I left him at the school dance.

I'm a lousy girlfriend.
He deserves better.

Can't believe I have
to cut back on Harvey.

How am I gonna do it? Ow.

Salem, is this new?

No way. Carbon-date the teeth
marks if you don't believe me.

I can't even go to the game with him.

Poor Harvey.
I can't imagine how he's gonna react.

Harvey, you deserve more
than a part-time girlfriend,

so we have to see
less of each other.

No!

No!

I can't do that to Harvey.
I don't wanna hurt him.

- Well, whip up a "no-pain" spell.
- "No-pain" spell? Never heard of that.

- You really do need to study more.
- Okay, okay.

I'm studying, I'm studying.

Let's see... "No fat, no nonsense,
No, no, Nanette"?

Oh, here it is. "No pain."

Wow, looks hard.
It's got a lot of ingredients.

SALEM:
Follow me.

- Okay. Push the button.
- No, you push it.

Push it.

Cool.

Now, should I make "no-pain" pudding
or "no-pain" fruitcake?

Go with the pudding. Fruitcake
is better for breaking up with retirees.

Right.
Okay, we'll make butterscotch.

Let's see.
A few drops of hydrochloride.

Ammonia phosphate.

- Raisins?
- High in fibre.

- And glycerine. Do you see glycerine?
- I think it's the blue goo.

That can't be right.

I don't have time for this.

So when you dipped me
and I looked in the mirrored ball,

I suddenly felt sick,
I had to get out of there.

I bet it was those quesadillas
the driver's ed teacher brought.

He hasn't been the same
since that sophomore ran him over.

Well, we'll make up for lost time
this Friday at the football game.

- I brought you butterscotch pudding.
- Sabrina, that's so sweet.

- I'm gonna save it.
- No. Eat it.

Looks great, but I can't.

Coach says,
"You eat a pudding at lunch,

you're a pudding on the field,"
and I think that's bad.

Have you seen the gut on that guy?
What does he know?

I guess one little bite won't hurt.

Okay. Should pudding fizz?

Harvey, you deserve more
than a part-time girlfriend,

so I think we should
see less of each other.

Okay.

Okay.

And I guess that means
I won't be able

to watch you not play
in the game on Friday.

Okay.

So I don't want to leave you hanging,

so I guess you should
invite someone else.

Hey, Jennifer.
Wanna go to the game on Friday?

- Sure.
- Good.

I meant someone in your family.

- So how'd it go with Harvey?
- He's fine.

But I could use a pudding.

When I feel bad, I have corn dogs.

Mrs. Quick, I think
the paper would be better served

by an editor who has more time.

I knew she'd crack.

Sorry to lose you, Sabrina,
but there was another editorial

that really gave us goose bumps
and was spelled correctly.

You're in.

Our new editor will be Valerie.

ALL:
Valerie?

SABRINA:
Congratulations. You'll be great.

Yeah, it's wonderful.

I'm gonna be sick.

Okay, here's the next question.

Gibbous moon. Significance thereof.

Right now
I'm missing the football game.

Oh, please.
The boy doesn't even play.

Come on. Gibbous moon.

When flying during a gibbous moon,

there can be reduced visibility
due to glare.

- Good.
- Sabrina.

It's time
for your second-chance quiz.

That's it?
No witty remarks, no floorshow?

Well, I didn't have
much time to prepare.

Had to buy a belt.

Can we get this over with?

I'm sick of studying.
It takes all the fun out of magic.

Oh, come with me. I'm gonna take you
to the most fun place in all the Realm.

This is the fun zone?
Where are we?

This is grey space.
Or some call it decorator white.

- And we're here because...?
- Oh, this is your test.

- Show me the real Sabrina.
- What? This wasn't in the handbook.

No, no, you're right, but if you studied,
well, then you can do this.

I still don't know what you mean,
but I'll try something.

Oh, very nice.

That was fun.
Finally, magic is fun again.

Sabrina Spellman, you've learned
that magic is a way of life.

- It's a part of who you are.
- I passed?

- But it comes with responsibility.
- I didn't pass.

You showed you're responsible
by studying, then you got to have fun.

If I cry, will you tell me?

This is the best part of the job.

Aside from the money.

- I passed!
- With flying colours.

Don't tell anyone I said that.

Woo-hoo! I'm out of here.
Thanks for everything.

I like that girl.

[SALEM CRYING]

Can't I just keep the kitty bunk bed?

- Afraid not, cat burglar.
- Mean.

Look, we'll make you a deal.

You have to give back the toys,
but you can keep the money you took.

- Really?
- Yes, but you have to invest it.

Go with her. She'll beat you down.

- I did it. I passed.
HILDA: Congratulations.

- I'm so proud of you.
- Give me five.

I can't.

[CRYING]

Okay, here it is.

"With magic comes responsibility.

Sabrina Spellman.
Official learner's permit."

Learner's permit?

This is supposed to be a licence.
Who do we call?

Honey, it's right.

Everyone knows you get a permit
before you get a licence.

Not me.

This permit means that you're gonna
be tested on and off for the next year.

You don't get your actual
witch's licence until you're

and can pay for the insurance.

Tested all year?
But I can't cut back on Harvey all year.

It gets worse.
If you don't get your licence,

you'll become completely mortal.

I know that's bad news for you,
but you have no idea

how good it is to finally
be able tell you.

Great. If I study, I may lose Harvey,
and if I don't study, I'll lose my powers.

This is gonna leave no time for TV.

I've been meaning to bring this by.
I think it's yours.

I don't think so.

Just go with it.
It's a little something from me.

He won't remember a thing.

- Well, maybe you should try it on.
- Maybe I should.

[GIGGLES]

[R & B MUSIC PLAYING]

- Ow!
- Sorry.