01x21 - As Westbridge Turns

[bunniefuu]

I say this because I love you, Salem.

It's time you experiment
with a new fur colour.

You need to update your look.

- But basic black is always in fashion.
- How about going blond?

You'd fit in better with the rest
of the family.

Please, think of the roots.

But I wanna do something.
Come on, I'm bored.

All right, I'll agree to a henna rinse
to bring out my natural red highlights,

- but that's it.
- Okay, henna it is.

SALEM: And you're sure you know
what you're doing?

I triple checked the magic book.

Okay, now, get ready
to look gorgeous.

Don't I at least get a magazine?

- All done.
SALEM: I'm tingling.

- Let's see the new you.
SALEM: I think it worked.

SABRINA: Uh-oh.
- Uh-oh what?

- Uh! I'm naked.
- Don't panic. I can fix this.

- How?
- I'll go get my aunts.

SALEM: And a sweater.
I'm freezing my tail off.

It's my hat and my lunch.

- Hey.
- Hey, Jenny. What's new?

Nothing. Nothing's ever new.

Well, we're going to science.
Maybe something's gonna blow up.

All right, quiet. Focus.

Today, we're gonna be looking
at the endocrine system,

which includes the thyroid,
the pancreas,

and the islets of Langerhans, where
I spend my summer vacation. Heh.

Hello. Is this thing on? Hello.

Fish sticks again.

We measure out our lives
in fish sticks.

They're not so bad.
Look, fish-henge.

A deep-fried tribute to the druids.

Hey, here comes Harvey.
Maybe he's got exciting news.

- I do.
- See.

Yeah, I just got my car realigned.

It used to veer slightly to the left
and now it doesn't.

That's it? Okay, we are now
officially in a rut.

- We have the most exciting news.
- Not you.

We've been asked to join the teen
board of Drake's Department Store.

And guess who's modelling
formalwear

in the school courtyard
tomorrow night?

- Me.
- And me.

- Why are you telling us?
- We're not telling you,

we're telling Harvey.

We really need boys
to volunteer as escorts.

Don't look at me.

The only statement I want my clothes
to make is "please don't stare."

But you get to wear a tux
and super-shiny shoes.

I'd have to lose my mind
before I'd do something like that.

Well, let me know if you do.

Why do they get to have all the fun?

- Hello.
- Welcome home, sunshine.

- How was your day?
- Here's a quick recap.

There was boredom, followed by
dullness, with a dash of "eh."

Can't be that bad.

I'm actually looking forward
to my flu shot tomorrow.

If you're bored,
you know who's to blame.

- Libby?
- No, yourself.

You have to make
your own excitement.

For example, I'm working on a theory
of inertia, and I just can't stop.

You're worse off than me.
If I had a life, I'd give you half.

SALEM: Hey, I got a sure-fire way
to make time fly.

- Lint spotting.
- Lint spotting?

Yeah, you pick out a piece of lint
and track it through the air. Try it.

All right, but only
because I'm desperate.

Oh, there's a good one.

Follow it. Up, up, down,
down, now to the right,

left, oh, it's a feisty one.

I'm going to find Aunt Hilda.

Up again, twirling, twirling.
Hey, there's two in play.

Don't believe him.
Every kiss from Blake is a lie.

What are you watching?

My favourite soap opera,
The Burden of Desire.

- Catch me up while they Jacuzzi.
- Okay.

Blake just quit Sherman Enterprises
in anger, precipitating a family crisis

in which Norma turned to Frank,
not Nick, for comfort.

Now, that's a Thursday.

Why can't my life
be exciting like that?

- It can.
- Really? How?

Use a spell.

Worms? What am I supposed
to do with a can of worms?

Open it. All emotions
will become heightened.

But be careful. Remember,
you have to take the good with the bad.

Give me. I'll take whatever I can get.

- Hey.
- Hey, what's new?

- Nothing.
- Are you sure?

Sabrina, today will be a day
just like any other.

WOMAN:
Out of my way. Code blue, stat.

JENNY: What's going on?
- Pops, the janitor, just collapsed.

And we have excitement.

Sabrina, at last I found you.

We need to talk. In private.

- Is something wrong?
- No, something's right, very right.

Just say you'll meet me
by the reflecting pool

- in the courtyard at : .
- Twelve thirty-six? That's specific.

- It's important.
- Okay.

[BELL RINGS]

- The bell.
- We must go.

I'm so happy.

But not for long.

Now, we've been dancing
around it all year, so let's get to it.

Today we're gonna study
reproduction.

[CHEERING]

POOL:
So then the sperm hits the ovum

and embryogenesis begins.

[BELL RINGS]

Well, that's all
we have time for today.

You can go now.

Until : , my darling.

See you.

POOL: Oh, Nancy.
- Oh, Gene.

We shouldn't. We mustn't.
Not during school hours.

I just can't control myself
around you, Gene.

- I'm here for my flu shot.
POOL: Oh!

Well, um...

Uh, Mr. Pool, your blood pressure
is normal.

Thank you for squeezing me in.

Come, I'll give you your flu shot.

- So are you and Mr. Pool dating?
- No. Of course not.

And if the school board knew anything
about this, we'd both be out of jobs.

- Do you understand?
- Yes.

Good. Now give me your arm.

I promise this won't hurt.

All done. Would you like
a cold compress?

I don't have time. It's : ,
I have to get to Harvey.

Harvey?

I thought you weren't going
to make it.

A Band-Aid. Who did this to you?

- The nurse. I had a flu shot.
- Oh, okay.

What did you wanna tell me
that couldn't wait till : ?

Something I should've said
a long time ago.

I think we should go steady.

Steady? I'd like that.
I'd like that a lot.

And I wanna give you something
so we'll never forget this moment.

- A bracelet. It's beautiful.
- Read the inscription.

"Harvey digs Sabrina."

Look on the back.

Twelve thirty-six?

That's what time it was
when we first spoke,

in the cafeteria,
on your first day at school.

- Oh, Harvey, it's perfect.
- No, you're perfect.

Libby, we shouldn't be in here.

Stool softener? Ew.

What are you looking for?

A way to bring
Sabrina Spellman down.

I'm gonna plant something
of Mr. Pool's on her,

then sit back
and watch her take the fall.

- You are pure evil.
- Thanks.

Now, if I can just find the answer key
to next week's test,

or something even better.

Like a diamond ring.

What's Mr. Pool doing
with a diamond ring?

Dreaming.

Do you hear something?

We gotta get out of here.

[WHISTLING "WEDDING MARCH"]

[BUZZING]

Ah! Wasp. Ah!

Excuse me. Have you seen
the new janitor?

You're looking at him.
People call me Stone.

Stone Burton.

I came to Westbridge
looking for a second chance.

Then, uh, don't eat the meatloaf.

Anyway, I saw a wasp in my office.

It's got me worried.
There might be a nest.

A wasp's nest?
That could be deadly.

Let's hope you're wrong.

Well, here we are,
back to where it all started.

Mm. Good sloppy joe.

I just heard the most amazing thing.

Did you know FDR
had three vice presidents?

John Nance Garner,
Henry Wallace and Harry Truman.

Well, that's all. See you.

- Wow. Libby was friendly.
- A little too friendly.

Ahh! Wasps.

Oh, keep them away from me.
I'm terribly allergic.

No. No.

- What happened?
- She's in anaphylactic shock.

I have to get her to the nurse.

- Wait for me.
- I will.

Help! Help!

Wasp sting.

Put her over here.

She needs epinephrine,
and she needs it now.

Don't you quit on me.

- There.
- Where am I?

The nurse's office.
You're going to make it.

Thanks to this young man.

- Oh, Harvey--
- Shh. You need to rest.

Help me get her to a bed.

- How's Pops?
- His heart is weak, but he's a fighter.

I'll go get a cold compress.

As long as you're okay,
I'll be getting back to lunch.

Don't go. Stay with me, Harvey.

No. I have to follow my heart
and return to Sabrina.

- I don't know what you see in her.
- I don't know what you don't.

[EKG FLATLINING]

How annoying.

[MONITOR BEEPING]

- Good day.
- It is, isn't it?

Rogue ladder. Look out.

Good Lord.

Now I have to move again.

Incoming.

- What happened to Harvey?
- He took a ladder to the head.

- He's in your hands now.
- I'll go get a cold compress.

- Is that all you do?
- My hands are tied by the state.

Harvey? Harvey, speak to me.

- Hey.
- Harvey, you're awake.

- Who's Harvey?
- You don't know who you are?

- No. Who are you?
- I'm Libby. Don't you remember?

Actually, I don't remember anything.

LIBBY [IN VOICEOVER]:
Amnesia. I can work with this.

Now, listen, no matter what
anyone says, I'm your girlfriend.

I'm the only one you can trust.
You got that?

- And you are...?
- Libby.

Harvey, I just heard. Are you okay?

Yeah. Who are you?

You don't know me?
I'm Sabrina, your girlfriend.

I don't think so. This is my girlfriend.

- Libby?
- Yeah, Libby.

Oh, no. Harvey has amnesia.
This can't be happening.

Can and is.
Now, I think you'd better go.

My boyfriend's had enough
excitement for one day.

- But, Harvey--
- Nice meeting you.

- What are you doing?
- Ruining your life.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have to go remind Harvey
about being in the fashion show.

You're gonna make him
wear a tux?

And a cummerbund.
And you can't stop me.

I can't believe Libby did that.

The whole school's gonna see them
together tonight at the fashion show.

Don't worry. I've got a plan.
She'll get hers.

- What do you mean?
- If I told you, you'd only try to stop me.

Just be at the fashion show.

Jenny, be careful.

Of course, I can't offer you riches until
society decides to reward its teachers,

but I can offer you this.
Nancy, would you be my--?

Gene, it's empty.

What?

Don't you understand? I gave up
professional haircuts to buy that ring.

I can see that, sir.
But let's stick to the facts.

- Who has access to your room?
- Everyone.

I don't lock my door.
I'm always here.

Except I had to stop by
the nurse's office today.

Can you pinpoint the time
you were out?

Between : and : .

Lock the exits.

I'm gonna crack this case if I have
to search everyone on campus.

SABRINA [IN VOICEOVER]:
How could Harvey forget me?

And what is Libby's scheme?

This spell has taken
some strange twists and turns.

But it sure makes
a good cup of coffee.

- Excuse me, ma'am.
- You mean me?

Oh, you mean me?

I'd like permission
to search your backpack.

Oh, I see no need to disturb Sabrina.
She's one of my best students.

Oh, it's okay, Mr. Pool. Go ahead.

So, what are you looking for?

This.

Sabrina, how could you?

- You stole my ring.
- I didn't.

I'm calling your legal guardians
and bringing you downtown.

What? Why? How?

- I'll ask the questions.
- This is a mistake.

I've never stolen anything
in my whole life.

We'll discuss it at the station.

But I don't know how that ring
got in my bag.

Libby, she set me up.

You've got the wrong person.
Get her! Get her! Get her!

[METAL CLINKS]

Bye-bye.

Where were you today
between : and : ?

In the courtyard with Harvey.

- Any witnesses?
- Harvey.

Any witnesses who can remember
their own name?

No. But I have proof. Look.

Oh, no. My bracelet's gone.

But it was engraved with the exact time
Harvey gave it to me, : .

Which would make for the perfect alibi,
if such a bracelet existed.

Now, let's start from the top.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

- And who are you?
- We're Sabrina's aunts.

- Has she been charged?
- Not formally.

May we speak to her alone,
detective?

Sure. Maybe you can get
a straight answer out of her.

Sabrina, what's going on?

The spell. It's totally out of control.
Make it stop.

We can't do that.
You opened a can of worms,

and until they wriggle their way
to a dramatic climax, you're stuck.

But I am in so much trouble.

The police think I stole the ring
Mr. Pool bought for the nurse.

But Libby's setting me up

because she wants to steal
my boyfriend who has amnesia.

Oh, this is even better
than Burden of Desire.

Except that it's happening to you.

The place is really filling up.

Five minutes to showtime.

And please remember,
you're Drake girls now.

Harvey, you look cute.

- And how about me?
- You look great...

...Libby.

JENNY [IN VOICEOVER]:
Just a little more. There.

She's not gonna steal
Sabrina's boyfriend.

Now all I have to do
is crawl through this duct

to the vent
overlooking the fashion show,

and then we'll see whose face
is red, and glossy.

Okay, you have minutes
to find the bracelet.

It should be
somewhere around here.

I'm almost positive
I had it in the cafeteria.

Hey, look.

Oh, wait, it's just a gum wrapper.

A gum wrapper won't save me now.

Let's get things started
with Jill and Chet.

- We must talk.
- Meet me by the pool after the show.

- I can't wait that long.
- Sh! Fashion.

I found a missing earring, my lost
sunglasses, an overdue library book,

which would all be great
if I wasn't going to jail.

Oh, there's the hunky janitor.

- He'll help us.
- Sir, have you seen a bracelet?

I've seen a lot of things,

- but no bracelet.
- Are you sure?

It's silver and has an alibi
engraved on it.

I'd like to help you, ma'am,
but this entire school's in danger.

You see, I'm hunting wasps.

Then it's over. It's hopeless.

I'll never find my bracelet.

Now, Harvey,
I don't wanna overload you,

but there's one more thing
to remember.

- What?
- When we get to the end

of the runway,
you have to kiss me.

- Okay.
- Oh, this is the best night of my life.

Total control.

JENNY: Twenty more yards,
and it's splatter day.

[BUZZING]

What was that?

A wasp. Help.

Somebody, help!

It's Jenny, in the ceiling.
Do something.

Don't worry. Stand back.

I've got a ladder,
and I know how to use it.

ZELDA:
Hang on, Jenny.

All right, I've got her.

- No, I don't.
- Jenny. Jenny, are you okay?

Yes, my hair broke my fall.

My bracelet. You found my bracelet.

Look, "Harvey digs Sabrina, : ."

Okay, your story checks out.
You're off the hook.

But you, young lady,
have some explaining to do.

We have to evacuate the area.
There's a swarm headed this way.

Wait.

I can't. I have to get to Harvey
and make him remember.

But first, you have to look fabulous.

Wow.

Our next couple is dressed
for a magical night.

Representing the sophomore class,
Harvey and Libby.

- Aren't I supposed to kiss you now?
- Oh, Harvey, you remembered.

Stop. You can't kiss him.
Harvey's my boyfriend.

What are you doing here?
I thought I sent you to juvie.

Your little scheme failed.

And now I'm back to reclaim
what's rightfully mine.

- Look.
- "Harvey digs Sab--"

I'm Harvey, and I dig Sabrina.
That's right.

And Roger Clemens signed for the
Blue Jays. It's all coming back to me.

- He remembers.
- You've ruined everything.

Harvey was never yours.

- You're going down, Spellman.
- And I'm taking you with me.

[SCREAMING]

LIBBY: Freak!
SABRINA: Tramp!

- Super-freak!
- Super-tramp!

Work the jab. Stay inside.

Tough left. Let's get in there.

Okay, break it up. That's enough.

Why'd you pull me off? I had her.

Why are you fighting with Libby
when there's a guy

who just remembered
he's crazy about you?

- Good point. Harvey.
- Sabrina.

- I missed you.
- I missed you too.

- But she att*cked me.
- She did not.

And for conduct unbecoming
of a Drake girl,

I hereby excommunicate you
from the teen board.

What?

This is the worst night
of my life.

Now, what was it you were going
to say to me?

Nancy, I would be honoured
if you would agree to be my--

Help.
Is there a nurse in the house?

I'm a nurse. What's wrong?

That janitor's just been att*cked
by a swarm of wasps.

Code blue.
And get me a cold compress, stat.

I'll wait for you, Nancy.

Excuse me.

I don't mean to be rude, but have
you ever been to the Grand Canyon?

Only as a child.

Beverly?

Kenneth.

My long-lost sister.

I can't believe I ever forgot you.

I don't blame you.

I blame the ladder.

Tomorrow I want everything
back to normal.

- I am off excitement for a while.
- Good idea.

But there's still one thing
I'm curious about.

I wonder if Mr. Pool ended up
with Nurse Nancy?

Oh, I'm sure.
What could possibly go wrong?

SALEM [SINGS]:
Dum, dum, dum.

- Gene?
- Nancy, you're back.

- You look tired.
- I could use a cold compress.

Now, what was it
you wanted to say?

Oh, Nancy, hear me out.

I would be honoured
if you would be my wife.

- Oh, Gene.
- What?

If only you'd asked me
an hour ago.

How can I put this?

- I've met someone.
- Who?

It's better that you don't know.
I'm going away, Gene.

I only hope you can forgive me.

But wait.

You can't.

Oh, well, I got a lot further
than I thought I would.

- How did he take it?
- He'll be fine.

Gene's strong and has both eyes.

You need me more.

It was worth being stung
hundreds of times.

It's what brought us together.

Up, up, down. Whoa.

SALEM:
Oh, loop the loop.

That was crazy.

I'm glad you decided to give lint spotting
another chance, Sabrina.

Me too. For the first hour,
it was kind of boring,

but now I'm captivated
by the subtlety, the nuance,

the constant struggle to stay aloft.

I mean, I now understand
it's a metaphor for life.

- Sabrina.
- Yeah?

You need to get out more.