02x31 - Latin Lover

[bunniefuu]

Can it be possible, Frederico, that you feel this way, too?

[speaking in Italian]

I will tell you in song.

[singing in Italian]

That's him. There he is. Frederico.

I hate to leave you, my turtle, but the gondola is drifting.

It's time to row. I understand.

[grunting]

[horn honking]

[theme music playing]

[whistle chirps]

[siren wailing]

[whistle chirps]

Oh, boy, what a tough day.

I'm kind of bushed myself.

But you know, Barney-boy, there's one thing that makes it all worthwhile.

What's that, Fred?

Just realizing the wonderful thing that will happen the minute I step through that door.

Like, uh, what will happen?

A certain someone is waiting with a big hug and kiss, just for me.

Yeah, hey, that sounds great. Uh...

Who is it, Fred?

My wife. Who do you think? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Wilma, I'm home, dear.

No. No, Dino. Wilma kisses me. You fetch my slippers.

[yapping]

Take it again from the top, Fred.

Oh, Wilma, I'm home.

Uh, nobody home, Fred. Better relax.

Huh? The little angel's probably out in the kitchen making my favorite dinner, brontosaurus fricassee.

Wilma, it's me, little Freddie.

Oh, what a lovely perfume.

Nothing too good for lover-boy.

It's a special blend of gardenias, roses, and one other thing I can't remember.

[hiccups] Alcohol. Whoopee!

Here. Try some.

[sniffing]

Wowee! Wow, wow, wow. Smell that?

Yeah.

Probably the brontosaurus fricassee cooking.

If it is, I think she got a hold of a bad brontosaurus.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute! You know what that is, Barney?

It's perfume.

Perfume.

That crazy Wilma will do anything for me.

Wilma, big daddy's home!

How's about a kiss?

I better not look. This may be personal.

[Wilma] You sure it's on Channel 14?

[Betty] Positive. Always on Channel 14.

What's on Channel 14?

Well, it ain't your brontosaurus fricassee.

Oh! This is so exciting.

Yeah. Get ready. He'll be on in a minute.

All right. All right. What's going on here? Is this some kind of a gag?

[Wilma] Quiet, Fred.

Is that all the greeting I get? "Quiet, Fred"?

At least, she remembered your name.

Please, keep it down, fellas.

Roberto Rockolini is on television.

Roberto Rockolini? Who's that?

Who's that? Only the great Latin lover.

You know, with the curly hair and the big white teeth.

And that adorable mustache. [music playing on TV]

Oh, shh. the movie is starting now.

Wilma, I want my dinner.

I'll get your dinner during the commercial. Now be still.

Look, there he is.

Oh! Oh!

[speaking in Italian]

He says that so beautifully.

So, that's beautiful? I can't even tell what it means.

I can. It means we get our own dinner.

Hey, you want to join me in a peanut butter sandwich fricassee?

No, sir, not me. This is my house, and that's my wife, and she's gonna cook me my dinner.

And I'm staying right here until she does.

Look, Wilma, this has gone far enough.

Oh. He's biting her ear. Wilma!

Hm? [speaking in Italian]

My dinner-o, remember? Food-o? Me-o?

[Wilma] I can't. What about Roberto?

At least, he had an ear to nibble on. I ain't had anything.

I'm hungry!

[man on TV] We'll return to our movie right after this word from our sponsor.

It's the commercial. You've got 60 seconds.

One ice cube. One ice cube coming down.

[sneezes, then sniffles]

When will people learn to close doors?

[man on TV] And now, back to our movie.

You made it.

[speaking in Italian]

What did he say? What did he say?

I don't know, but I sure like the way he said it.

[gasps] Look. He's taking her in his arms.

No. No. No, Mario.

[Roberto speaking in Italian]

He's going to kiss her.

[man on TV] And, now, the weather.

In the Rocky Mountains, cloudy.

In the Cloudy Mountains, rocky. In the...

He takes a lot out of a woman, doesn't he?

Imagine, being married to a man like that.

[gasps] Oh, we mustn't talk like this.

I mean, he's attractive and dashing and all that but I have Fred, and he's... He's... [snoring]

Uh, he's... Well...

Did you ever kiss a man with a mustache?

Uh-huh. And you've never really kissed a man until you've kissed one with a filter.

[giggling]

[Fred groaning]

[Betty] I better be getting home. [door opens, then closes]

I wonder what Fred would look like with a filter. Uh, I mean, a mustache.

Ouch!

Hey, those things don't grow on trees, you know.

[Wilma] I just wonder... [snoring continues]

[stammering] Huh?

What's up? What are you doing?

Nothing, Fred.

Oh, you're talking to me now.

Well, I'm not talking to you.

Oh, you're not jealous of Roberto, are you?

Jealous? Ha! Over that phony-baloney?

Just because he's attractive and tall and dark and handsome.

I am not listening.

But then so are you.

Look, Wilma, I... Well... [stammering]

I'm not that tall.

Uh, remember how good-looking you were in high school?

I was, wasn't I?

You could be more so.

Lose a little weight, get some nice clothes, and maybe even grow a mustache.

A mustache?

A mustache, plus all the other things you have to start with.

Oh, go on, Wilma.

You'd be a knockout, Fred.

She's right, you know. There he is, Mr. Wonderful.

Yabba-dabba-doo! You crazy kid!

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest...

Oh, but we both know the answer. And how.

Can you imagine?

All this and a mustache, too?

That does it. [hiccups] I got to give this stuff up.

[humming]

No mail today, Mrs. Flintstone.

Hi, Wilma.

Why, Barney and Betty.

Where have you two been lately?

Barney had to go on a business trip.

And at the last minute, I decided to go with him.

[Wilma] Come on in for coffee.

[Barney] That trip did us a lot of good. I'm a changed man.

Fred's a little changed, too.

You mean he's fatter?

It's more than that.

Oh, Fred!

[Fred in Italian accent] Coming, bellissima, my pink petunia, fairest of the fair.

Hey, is that guy on TV again?

Oh, what an extremely pleasant circumstance to see you again.

Particularly the bellissimo, Betty.

Enchanté.

And my buon confidente Barnardo.

I trust your expedition was enjoyable.

Funiculí, funiculà and all that.

Ah, there she is, light of my life... my own radiant little dewdrop.

Buongiorno, my sweet.

[Barney] Fred. Fred.

Is it really you?

But of course, dear boy.

That mustache, is it real?

Sì, si, it is real.

You grew it yourself?

[in normal voice] No, I had help. I called in a Japanese gardener.

I'll fix some coffee. I'll go with you.

[door opens, then closes]

The girls are gone. You can talk regular now, Fred.

[in foreign accent] But this is my normal voice.

You got a sore throat?

[in normal voice] No, I don't have a sore throat.

Then why are you wearing that bandage on your neck?

[in foreign accent] This, old man, is an ascot.

A what-scot?

An ascot, old boy. Nothing unusual.

All us Casanovas wear them.

But this isn't like you, Fred.

Ah, but it is. This is me. The real Fred Flintstone coming out.

It's been inside of me all the time.

You mean, all this time, you've had an ingrown mustache?

Don't scoff, Barnardo.

Why, if everyone was like you, we'd be back in the Stone Ages.

How in the world did you get Fred to do it?

Oh, a little flattery, you know.

[laughs] He does look kind of cute, don't you think?

Isn't instant coffee wonderful?

[Betty] Yeah.

But, Wilma, aren't you afraid other women will find Fred attractive?

Other women? Oh, come on, Betty.

He's still the same old Fred.

I don't know. With his new manners and appearance...

I hadn't really thought...

No. No. It could never happen.

And so, Barnardo, a bit of grooming, and my natural good looks has paid off handsomely.

[doorbell rings, then Dino yapping]

Go back, Dino, you're not supposed to go out.

Cave-in Cosmetics calling.

Is the lady of the house at home?

One moment, fair lady.

I will summon her sweetness from the cuisine.

[Dino yapping]

[screams]

[Betty] What was that scream?

Uh, that was her. She took one look at Fred and then she sort of fell for him.

Hey, I'll get her some water to break the spell.

[Fred] Oh, she'll be all right.

Now I must dash for the omnibus and get off to work.

I'll buzz you later, my bella pizza blossom.

Meanwhile, stay sweet.

Strange. Very strange.

She took one look at him and fell right into his arms.

Sorry, folks, the bus doesn't stop here anymore.

It, uh, stops at that other corner.

There's one now. But you'll have to run for it.

I still can't believe that Fred could have this effect on a woman.

No? Take a look outside.

Stop! Stop!

Wait for me! Hold it!

Now do you believe me?

Oh, Betty, what have I done?

I've created a monster.

[Wilma] Fred, I've been thinking. Yes, my dear?

I talked you into all these new clothes, your debonair personality... that mustache, and it wasn't really fair.

Oh, think nothing of it, my dear. I shall be eternally grateful.

I mean, if you don't want to wear that, uh, gimmicky mustache...

Oh, it's fine. Everybody seems to like it.

Good night, Wilma. Good night, Fred.

Everybody? Who's everybody? Fred?

Can it be possible, Frederico, that you feel this way, too?

[speaking in Italian]

I will tell you in song.

[singing in Italian]

That's him. There he is. Frederico.

I hate to leave you, my turtle, but the gondola is drifting.

It's time to row.

I understand.

[grunting]

Solo mio, Frederico. I've got him.

Wait for me! No, wait for me!

Come back!

Run, Fred! Run. Run!

Ah, we meet again, my adored mademoiselle from Armentières.

Ah, mon cher, Frederick.

But this is dangereux.

If the King, my father...

Your father, pooh-pooh.

[both speaking in French]

[in English] Here they come. [laughing]

[gulps] Fear not, mademoiselle. Merely observe.

Voilà! Take that.

Well, what do you know? They took it.

Get him. Isn't he adorable?

Don't run away, chéri.

Run, Fred. Run. Run. They're after you, Fred.

I'm running, Wilma. I'm running. I'm running.

[stammering] Where to, Wilma? Why?

I'm sorry, Fred. I was just having a dream.

Oh, was that all?

Well, so was I.

[man] And, now, the breakfast news.

Police last night discovered the whereabouts of Mrs. H.I. Pebble's husband, Ralph.

He had run away to Rockapulco with his secretary.

He was identified when he appeared in a barbershop to get his mustache trimmed.

The lady barber took one look at his mustache and...

Buongiorno. Buongiorno.

Fairest of the fair. You look simply ravishing.

Ick.

You're beautiful when you say "ick."

Read your paper, Fred.

[muttering indistinctly]

What's that headline?

"Husband leaves wife, shirks duty to go rooty-tooty with cutie."

Ick.

There we are, ready for another day.

Yabba... dabba-dabba... doo.

But, Fred, not with that flower. Huh?

Very unhealthy, you know. Hay fever.

And you got some coffee on your mustache. You better shave it off.

Shave off my mustache?

I can't send it to the cleaners.

Oh. It's nothing, my dear. Hardly noticeable.

Hello, Bettissima.

Hello, Latin lover.

All right, all right, but you're making a mistake.

Ha. You'd never catch me wearing a mustache like that.

And, Fred? Yes, my sweet?

Your hair's all wrong.

It should be casual.

There, that's better. [phone rings]

Darling, I can't play now. Got to grab the phone.

Well, how is it having a Latin lover around the house?

It's just awful.

Buongiorno, villa Flintstone.

Flintstone, get over to my house and take my wife to the airport.

To the airport. My pleasure, boss. Uh, Mr. Slate.

We're leaving on the 10:00 plane to Rockapulco.

A surprise visit to see her mother.

I'll meet you at the airport.

Be there. I'll call her now.

And tell her to expect me.

Arrivederci.

Arrivederci.

Arrivederci? Has he been eating garlic again?

Wilma, you must be mistaken. Fred isn't the playboy type.

But he's changed.

Nonsense. It's your imagination.

And you're overtired. Now be sensible, Wilma.

Fred just isn't like that one bit.

Maybe you're right. I guess I have been silly.

I'm going to go right in and tell him how foolish I've been.

Imagine me suspecting Fred.

[Fred] Yes, it'll be quite a surprise to your mother.

In fact, to everybody.

I'm sure nobody suspects.

Are your suitcases packed?

Fine, I shall be there in five minutes.

No, your husband is busy at the office.

Yes, I'm sure of it. It will be wonderful.

Rockapulco is at its loveliest this time of the year.

My wife? Oh, she's fine.

If I could just keep her out of my hair. [laughing]

I'll be right over, subito, if not sooner.

Oh, you poor dear. What are you going to do?

I don't know, but I'm not giving up.

No, sir. I'm going to fight for my man.

Uh-oh. Here comes Fred.

And I've just got to go with him somehow.

♪ Oh, yabba-dabba-doo! In the Rockapulco too ♪

[scat singing]

Hop in my humble coach, lovely lady, whilst I fetch these mere bagatelles.

[grunting]

[Wilma] Ow!

Hm. Got to get them springs oiled.

Rockapulco, here we come.

Ah, my good fellow, fetch those things from the car to Pterodactyl Airlines.

[thudding and Wilma groaning]

Follow that couple. Hurry.

There it is.

It's a beaut, ain't it?

[man over PA] Attention please.

Pterodactyl Airlines announces the departure of its 10:00 Dactyl.

Passengers should board at Gate 5.

The public is cautioned to avoid all aircraft during refueling, because sometimes they mistake passengers for fuel.

I shall go see if the signor is at the ticket counter.

I see you got here in one piece.

What? Oh, yes.

I'm Fred Flintstone's wife.

How do you do? I'm... I know. I know. You're...

[grunting and groaning] Oh!

Is anything the matter? No, nothing.

It's just where Fred kicked me during his usual morning rage.

He kicked you? But that's terrible.

Oh, it's better than those beatings on the head.

See here? Last week, 11 stitches.

Uh, well, It was nice of you to come down and see us off.

Well, Fred's last wife saw us off.

So I thought I'd do as much for you, Phyllis.

But my name isn't Phyllis.

Oh, I'm sorry. I keep forgetting.

Let's see. Phyllis is his girl in Rockford.

Janet's in Blackstone...

Bubbles in Marblehead, Susan in Clifton... and you're going to Rockapulco.

You're sure you want to go through with it?

Yes, I guess so.

Wilma, what is this?

Oh, Fred, don't do it. I've tried to be a good wife.

Really, I have. Just give me one more chance.

Everything all set?

Everything's fine, boss.

You've, uh, met my wife, Wilma.

Uh, how do you do?

Come on, Harry. We've got to get on that plane.

You mean you're not going, Fred?

Wilma, darling, why would the boss and his wife want me along?

His wife? Then she isn't...? Then you're not...?

Or haven't been... And you won't?

The boss' wife?

Oh, boy.

Well, I've sure learned not to try to make you something you're not.

It, uh, may come as a surprise to you, [in normal voice] but I am not the Latin lover type.

You know who kept his head through all my highfaluting airs?

Barney. He tried to talk me out of it.

He certainly did.

I'm gonna tell him I've come to my senses. Come on.

Betty, I've come to tell Barney...

[in foreign accent] Buongiorno. How nice to have you all call.

Frederico, you're looking mighty je ne sais skin ce soir.

And there's my little pasta e fagioli.

Aloha, honey lamb. Aloha!

Barney, Barney, it don't work.

I'm back to the old Fred Flintstone, see?

I'm shaving off the mustachio.

No kidding? Okay, then I'll quit, too.

We'll settle for the old Barney. And the old Fred.

But how did you grow that mustache so quick?

Well, uh, I took a shortcut. A shortcut?

Sure. You see what I mean?

Buongiorno, everybody.

[theme music playing]

[yawns]

Wilma!

Wilma!

Come on, Wilma, open the door!

Wilma!