02x30 - Kleptomaniac Caper

[bunniefuu]

We've got to find a place to hide. There sure isn't any place in here.

Hey, why don't you give yourself up? A-ha!

Here, Barney. Slip this on.

Gee, I always wanted a head like this.

Hey, how do I look? It's an improvement.

You look pretty good yourself. [laughing]

All right. All right. At least no one will recognize us.

Here comes the detective. We're trapped.

Not yet. Just act natural.

Say, did either of you see a couple of kooky-looking guys come in here?

Uh, yeah. They went thataway.

Thanks. Ain't nobody's going to give me the slip.

[horn honking]

[theme music playing]

[whistle chirps]

[siren wailing]

[whistle chirps]

Betty, are you up yet? [Betty] Over here, Wilma.

My, you're up early this morning. Is that your stuff for the rummage sale?

Uh-huh. Phew!

That's heavy.

How are you doing? Mm. I don't know where to start.

Barney's saved everything from his first teething ring. Look here.

[Wilma] "Pledge Rubble. Beta Slata Gamma. Class of 1,000,020."

What's it for?

Whacko.

A souvenir from Barney's high-school fraternity.

Our closet's so crowded with stuff like this a flea couldn't get in if he made reservations.

I know what you mean. Look.

Wilma, that's Fred's old football uniform.

How did you ever get him to part with it? Simple.

I merely used feminine strategy. What do you mean?

I didn't tell him. [gasps] Wilma.

What he doesn't know won't make him mad.

Oh, Wilma, that's sneaky. That's dishonest. That's brilliant.

[giggles]

How are you going to get away with it? Easy.

Show me a closet filled with souvenirs, and I'll show you a man who's forgotten he ever had them.

You really think so? I know so.

For weeks I've been taking things from our closet, and bringing them down to the Ladies Auxiliary rummage sale.

Fred never missed one thing.

Well, all right. Here goes nothing.

Say, this will be fun. Good girl.

From now on, it will be easy.

Okay, Wilma. Coast is clear.

[whispers] Where is Barney?

[whispers] In back of the house, doing some gardening.

Put the boxes on the floor in the back seat.

Say, before we take this stuff downtown, let's have some breakfast.

Okay. That's... Uh, why are we whispering?

I don't know.

[both laughing]

[yawning and groaning]

Wilma, where's my breakfast?

What's this?

"Dear Fred, gone to Betty's. Your breakfast is on the table. Back soon."

Hey, this is Saturday!

I can watch the big football game while I...

[man on TV] And now, a word from our sponsor.

I get this real heavy beard, see, and it used to be kind of a drag, like, until I discovered Flintridge razors.

Now I'm not only a star athlete, I got this here caveman appeal.

[man] Ladies and gentlemen, back to your football game of the week.

[announcer] They're out of the huddle, into a split "T." Rockowski's fading back, back, looks like he's going to pass!

Yes. Looks like a real long one! And there it goes!

Way downfield and...

Received by Bernatelli! A beautiful pass!

Naturally. I threw it.

What a game, ladies and gentlemen! What excitement!

All right, out of the huddle, single-wing formation.

It's Bernatelli to Rockowski!

Rockowski has the ball! Look at him go!

He's into the end zone for a touchdown!

Zeke Rockowski has done it again!

That magic Number 22 has run 87 yards for a touchdown!

And now for the half-time activities.

How do you like that? 22. My old number.

What a game.

Hey, I think I'll put on my jersey for the second half.

[clattering]

It was right here in the closet.

Wait a minute. Where is it?

Where did it go? My football uniform's gone!

My helmet! My hockey stick!

Even my Junior Frogman swim fins!

That does it! Something fishy is going on here.

Now, think, Flintstone, think.

Nothing's in the other closet except Wilma's junk.

Nothing in the garage because Wilma made me clean out that junk last week.

All the important junk was in this closet!

Wilma!

Do I know where your football uniform is?

Goodness, Fred. Don't you?

Sneaky.

I can't imagine what you could have done with it.

Very sneaky.

Didn't you throw it away years ago? [Fred yelling indistinctly]

About your feminine strategy, don't look now, but I think it backfired.

Yes, Fred. Bye.

Well, are you going to take the stuff back?

I can't now. Fred would never speak to me again.

We've gotta get everything to the sale before we get caught with the goods.

But the car isn't here. Barney took it to run an errand.

Oh, no. All that stuff's in it! Suppose he sees it?

Calm down, Wilma. It's on the floor in the back. He won't notice.

Gee, Betty, I've never deceived Fred before. I feel just terrible.

Well, we can't do anything about it now, so relax.

Fred will probably forget all about it.

Well, It took you long enough to get here. I called over half an hour ago.

The closet's over there.

I'm a taxpayer. I've been robbed. I want action.

Uh-huh. Yeah. Uh-huh.

Just as I thought. What? What?

Inside job. Funny, though.

Funny? Ha. I'm hysterical.

Now, who took my stuff?

It's not the work of a professional.

A pro wouldn't take the junk you described.

Now, wait a min... I got it.

It's the work of a kleptomaniac. Typical case.

A klepto who?

Kleptomaniac. Someone with a compulsion to steal.

One of your friends is sick, Mr. Flintstone. Real sick.

Hold it! Are you trying to say someone I know is a thief?

The criminal had free access to this house, and he took stuff no one would want in his right mind.

Yeah. You got a point there. Hey, wait a minute!

No question about it. Typical case.

Now, you must be kidding. I don't know anyone like that.

You never know until they strike.

These guys go along perfectly normal for years and then one day, whammo!

Start to steal, can't control themselves.

We see a lot of it.

[tires screech]

Hiya, Fred. Uh, can I borrow your hedge trimmer?

Why, sure, Barney-boy. Help yourself. It's in the garage.

Oh, thank you. [whistling]

It won't take us long to crack this case, Mr. Flintstone.

Kleptomaniacs aren't your typical thieves.

They always get caught. How come?

It's part of the sickness. They want to get caught and go to prison.

I've seen them steal stuff from a guy then drive right by his house with the goods in his car.

No kidding. Sure. I'll give you an example.

Now, let's say this was yours.

A kleptomaniac wouldn't think twice about driving right by your house and...

Hey, wait a minute.

Orange jersey, white dots.

Number 22. This is yours!

In Barney's car? It can't be.

Flintstone. I think we've caught our thief.

Uh, hold it! [stammering] There's a mistake.

I didn't say orange with white dots.

I said white with orange dots.

Well, then, how about this? Look familiar?

[stammering] I've never seen it before. What is it?

It's a hockey stick and it answers your description.

Look, Mr. Flintstone, you filed a complaint.

Now if this is your stuff, I've got to take the guy in.

[stammering] But that's not my hockey stick!

You know how hockey sticks are.

You've seen one of them, you've seen them all.

Are you sure? Sure, I'm sure.

[man over radio] Car 34, where are you?

That's my call. - Come in, Car 34.

O'Rockery here.

Proceed to Stonyway and Vine. Code 3.

I've got to go now, Flintstone, but keep an eye on that guy.

He looks suspicious to me.

Yeah. Yeah, I'll do that.

Thanks a lot, officer.

[engine starts, then revs]

[Barney] Say, Fred? What's with the police?

Oh, nothing, Barney. He was, uh, just asking directions.

How do you feel? Oh. Fine.

Say, Fred, thanks for the hedge clippers.

I've been wanting to take them, but I kept on forgetting.

Barney, old pal, why didn't you tell me you had trouble?

Gee, I don't know, Fred. I didn't think the hedge looked that bad.

Does Betty know? No, I don't think so.

Well, it's just as well. Listen, pal.

I just want you to know that anything I have you can have.

It's all right with me.

You're a real sport, Fred. It's a pleasure to do business with you.

Yeah, sure. Everything's going to be all right.

This afternoon, we're going to a good doctor.

We are? How come? Don't you know?

Gee, Fred. You been sick?

Oh, Barney.

I should've known something was wrong the way you've been acting.

Uh, what's the matter, Fred? Headaches?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's it. Oh, you poor little meathead.

Yeah, I got a terrible headache.

Come on. Let's go see the doctor now.

Oh, sure, Fred. Anything for a pal.

[tires screech]

"Dr. Stonewall..."

Hey, Fred, What's a pha-sy-chia-ciatrist? That's "psychiatrist", Barney.

He treats sick heads.

Oh, gee, I hope he can help. Me too, Barney.

Uh, you wait here while I see if he's in.

Yes! Well, now, Mr. Stoneflint... Flintstone.

You did the right thing. Yes, you did.

It sounds as if your friend needs help. Help. Help.

Now, you're sure you got it straight, doc?

Barney thinks we're here because of my headaches.

Headaches. Oh, yes. Yes. That was the right thing to do.

In early stages of illness, the patient doesn't recognize his sickness.

Oh, say, speaking of sickness, did I tell you about my latest operation?

Yeah, 10 minutes ago.

What about my friend Mr. Rubble?

Pardon me. Time for my pill.

As I was saying, if he knew of his illness, the patient... would only deny treatment.

Treatment. Oh, my.

I think I'm coming down with something. Do I look flushed?

Listen, maybe we should come back another day.

No, no, no. Your friend is sick, sick, sick.

And when you're sick, you need help. I ought to know.

[door opens]

Oh! Come in, Mr. Hubble. It's Rubble.

So, tell me, doc, what's with the headaches?

Hm? Oh, yes. Yes. I wish you hadn't asked that. [groaning]

Yesterday I really had a doozy, one of the worst I've ever had.

No, no, no, I meant him, Fred. Hm?

Oh! Oh, well, if you want to compare...

What I wanted to talk to you about, doc, is Fred here.

I've been worried about him.

He's been acting kind of funny, lately, and, well, that's what friends are for.

Say, that's a good-looking lighter. I've never seen one like it.

I'll have to pick one up someday. Anyway, hope you can help, doc.

Well, don't worry about a thing. We'll do all we can, Mr. Trouble.

The name's Hubble... Rubble. I'll wait for you outside, Fred.

Oh, Mr. Rubble? May I have my lighter, please?

Huh? Oh! Oh, almost forgot. It sure is pretty.

Speaking of pretty things, that big leopard-skin lamp in your reception room is a beaut.

I'd sure like to have that.

I've got to stop him before he steals your lamp.

No, no, no. Don't worry. It's nailed down.

I've had his type before.

No doubt about it. No doubt about it. He's a kleptomaniac.

We'll start regular appointments next week.

In the meantime, don't let him out of your sight.

But can you cure him? Can I cure...

I can assure you, sir, that any man who walks into this office walks out a different man or my name isn't Dr... Uh... Uh...

Stonewall! Oh! How do you do, sir?

I've heard some nice things about your work.

No! No! No! You're the doctor! Say, that's right.

Which reminds me, I'm late for my doctor's appointment.

See you next week. Remember, don't let your friend alone for a minute.

He's sicker than I am!

I'll have you home in a minute. I could have driven, Barney.

But I want you to just relax.

Here we are.

Now, go in, sit down and close your eyes and your headache will go away.

Uh, sure. Sure, Barney. Where are you going?

Home.

Straight home? Sure, Fred. Now get some rest.

Poor old Fred. Poor old Barney.

He doesn't know how sick he really is.

Gee, Betty, I'm bushed.

Fighting a bunch of bargain-hungry women all day is hard work.

I'll say. The fellas don't know what we go through to save them money.

What I need is a nice warm bath. [sighs]

[giggles] What you need even more is a nice cool husband.

Do you think the old hothead has simmered down yet?

Fred? I hope so.

Anyway, his temper should improve when he opens his birthday presents.

By the way, I'm sorry I filled up the car with my stuff.

Are you having yours delivered?

Uh-uh. I've left it at the will-call desk.

Barney will get it for me later.

Yoo-hoo! Fred. I'm home!

Fred, what are you looking at? Barney.

Why? Because I can't let him out of my sight.

Oh, my gosh! He's walking out to the car! Excuse me, sweetheart.

You come back here, Fred!

[door slams]

Well, honestly. Men!

Hiya, Barney. Hiya, Fred. How's the headache?

Oh, uh, better. Much better.

Uh, where you going?

Down to the Bedrock department store. I'm going to pick up a few things.

Oh, look, Barney, you don't really want to go down to that crowded department store, do you?

No, I don't want to. I have to. You know how it is.

Yeah, buddy. I know how it is.

Now you just take it easy. I understand and I'm going with you.

How come, Fred? You hate shopping.

Barney, there's times when pals have to stick together even if it means going shopping.

Are you sure you have to do this? Yeah, Fred, I'm sure.

Oh, boy, this is worse than I thought. It won't take me too long.

Wait, Barney. Wait, there's too many people. We'll come back when it's safer.

Hey, Fred? Where are you going? We're going home.

Boy, that Fred is a fast worker.

Wonder what Wilma will say when he gets home.

Uh, my wife asked me to pick up some things.

Don't fight it. I know what's best for you.

You fresh thing.

Mother told me about men like you!

[stammering] I'm sorry, lady, but I thought you were my friend Barney.

Oh, my gosh! Barney. He's still in the store!

I'm sorry. We haven't had time to wrap these yet, but if you'll wait...

No, that's okay. I'll take them like this.

I wonder what this stuff is. "Madam Rubenstone's Cold Cream."

Hm. Doesn't feel cold to me.

Don't hold that up like that! Someone might see it!

All this, so fast? Where did you get so much?

I just picked it up back there at the... Never mind. Never mind.

We've got to get out of here. Now start walking. I'll hide you.

Nobody's suspicious yet. Uh-oh.

I think the store detective spotted us. He's coming this way.

I think we lost him. What's up? Why are we hiding?

Because you go to prison for stealing things in a department store, you dumb dodo!

Fred, did you steal something? Oh, boy.

Look, Barney, the detective spotted us.

But if we put everything back, he can't prove a thing.

I'll hold this stuff and you be on the lookout...

Fred, the store detective's coming this way again.

Oh, no! Come on! We can't get caught with the goods.

Hey. You two! Wait a minute!

Maybe we can lose him in the sporting goods department.

Hey, Fred, look. I always wanted one of these. The latest model too.

Pow! Pow! Pow!

Quiet! What are you trying to do, get the whole world in here?

We've got to find a place to hide. There sure isn't any place in here.

Hey, why don't you give yourself up?

A-ha! Here, Barney. Slip this on.

Gee, I always wanted a head like this. Hey, how do look?

It's an improvement.

You look pretty good yourself. [laughing]

All right. All right. At least no one will recognize us.

Here comes the detective. We're trapped.

Not yet. Just act natural.

Say, did either of you see a couple of kooky-looking guys come in here?

Uh, yeah. They went thataway.

Thanks. Ain't nobody's gonna give me the slip.

We'll hole up in this toy department till things quiet down.

[Barney] Hey, Fred, look!

Come down from there, Barney, this is no time for games!

Here comes the detective again. Oh, my gosh!

Come on, Barney, we've got to get out of here.

Be right down, Fred.

Oh, no! Hold it.

That was fun. Can we do it again? What's the matter with you?

Let's get out of here!

I think we shook him. You keep watch while I return this stuff.

Oh, Fred. But, Fred... Quiet, Barney. Shh!

I'm busy. Fred, look.

Now, you look! I... [stammering]

Okay, light-fingers. Let's go.

I told you if you'd just be quiet, I would handle everything, didn't I?

Well, sure, Fred, but I want to ask you a question.

Yeah.

How come you had to come downtown with me today?

Simple. I came along to keep you out of trouble.

Oh, thanks a lot, Fred.

The boys have been awfully quiet since we bailed them out.

It's something they won't forget for a while.

[laughs] We won't let them forget. After you, jailbirds.

[both laughing]

Very funny. Very funny. Har-har-har.

Hey, girls, how about something to eat?

Being a criminal sure gives a guy an appetite.

Oh, what do you think, Wilma? Do the jailbirds deserve food?

Oh, but of course! Let's bake them a cake with a file in it to make them feel right at home.

Say, you're a comedian, Wilma. You're a riot.

Now, get out in that kitchen. Watch your tone, sir.

You're speaking to the girl what sprung you.

It's lucky for you that I had a receipt for those things.

Honestly, Fred. Imagining Barney was a kleptomaniac!

Yeah. Now I got a record.

I'll have to resign my membership at the Captain Danger's Boys' Club.

Oh. It's just awful.

What I want to know is who started all of this?

That's what I want to know. Who?

Uh, sandwiches are ready. Just tell me who, that's all!

Who took what from behind whose back without telling whom? Huh?

Who? Huh? Who?

You're right, Fred. This whole thing is my fault and I'm just as sorry as I can be.

Will you ever forgive me? I don't know.

I promise I'll never take anything of yours without telling you again, okay.

That still doesn't get my stuff back. [Betty] Yes, it does.

We never got to the rummage sale. Tell him, Wilma.

On our way, we stopped at Mrs. Rockhead's for tea.

She was packing up Joe's old stuff. To give away without telling him.

And we both got this awful attack of conscience.

We couldn't go through with it. Hold it. I'm getting seasick!

Get to the point!

I took your things back with me, Fred. They're out in the car.

Now will you forgive me? Well, all right.

[knocking on door]

I'll get it. You fellas start on the sandwiches.

You Mrs. Flintstone? Yes.

I'm Officer O'Rockery. There's something funny going on here.

I don't like funny stuff on my beat.

What's wrong, officer? This is my husband.

Yeah, we met.

Had a report of stolen goods from a Mr. Joe Rockhead down the street.

Found the goods in the car parked in front of your house.

Second time it's happened. Looks suspicious.

Oh, you've made a mistake. I can explain. Come on. I'll show you.

You see? These things belong to my husband.

Brace yourself, Wilma. You took the wrong box.

Oh, no.

Well? Let's hear the explanation.

Gee, I don't know where to start.

I'll give it to you. You'll never believe it.

You see, officer, the Ladies Auxiliary was having this rummage sale.

Sounds pretty fishy to me.

And her husband had all this junk he wouldn't throw away.

And so I took it without telling him.

I wouldn't believe that story if I saw it on television.

[Betty] For some reason, Fred thought Barney...

[Wilma] Was a kleptomaniac.

And he was...

Hold it! Hold it! One at a time! I'm getting dizzy!

And he was trying to get Barney to return everything.

Honestly, officer. She's telling the truth.

[theme music playing]

[yawns]

Wilma!

Wilma!

Come on, Wilma, open the door!

Wilma!