02x26 - Trouble-In-Law

[bunniefuu]

Here we go, sweetie!

Oh, Melville, I feel just like a teenager.

You are, honey-baby! You are!

We just made it, Mommy. Yes, Junior.

[Melville] Hold on, sugar, here's the giant dip!

Wee! This is exciting.

Not half as exciting as you, little flower.

[mother] Ooh, what did you say?

I say, will you do me the honor of...

[mumbling] What?

[theme music playing]

[whistles]

[siren wailing]

Boy, all I need is to show up at work with housemaid's knees.

Fred, did you get the ashtrays?

Yes, I got the ashtrays.

Next salesman that asks me if the man of the house is in is going to find out the hard way.

Okay, Wilma, I'm through vacuuming. What next?

Better empty the trash, Fred.

Yes, I know. Quit nagging, will you?

Boy, what a grouch.

All I said was what's next.

My favorite, fillet of trash.

[hiccups]

What an awful time to sprain my ankle.

Just before Mother gets here.

Fred, what are you doing?

What am I doing? Oh, boy.

I'm playing golf, I'm watching the fights, I'm out bowling up a storm.

What am I doing?

I'm mixing the dodo egg batter, that's what I'm doing.

I think you've beaten it enough, Fred.

[caws] I wish he'd beat it, I'm getting dizzy.

Now what are you doing? What am I doing?

I'm doing what any guy does when his wife sprains her ankle and he's stuck in the kitchen slicing onions.

I'm crying, that's what I'm doing. I'm crying!

I'm doing all the work and he's crying.

Try to control yourself, Fred.

Mother will be here any minute and she'll take over.

And how. She'll take over like Grant took Richmond.

Now, Fred, you're going to try to get along with Mother, aren't you?

I promised you, didn't I? I'm going to try.

I mean, it's only going to be two weeks.

So was basic training.

Fred!

[laughing]

I'm only kidding, sweetheart.

This time your mother and me are really going to get along.

We're going to talk to each other quietly, politely, and pleasantly.

Yes, sir, quietly.

[mother] Wilma!

My baby.

Mama, it's good to see you.

My poor little girl.

From the looks of things, I got here just in time.

Land's sakes, you look peaked.

Not that husband of yours, though.

I'm fine, Mama, really.

You always were a brave girl.

I don't expect much of you, sonny, but the least you could do is greet me when I come into your house.

Well, what have you got to say to me? Sit down and shut up!

Bye, Wilma. I got to give Barney his breakfast. Talk to you later.

Honestly, sometimes I don't know what's the matter with you men, Barney.

That's easy, you women.

[laughing]

Wilma's mother wasn't there five minutes, before Fred insulted her.

Five minutes? I wonder what took him so long.

She's only trying to be helpful. How terrible can that be?

[coughing]

Boy, how terrible can you get food?

What's the matter, sonny? Don't you like the breakfast I cooked for you?

I seem to have lost my appetite. What is this stuff anyway?

Health food, sonny. Just what the doctor ordered.

Then let the doctor eat it!

Is this the Flintstone house?

[mother] Yes, boy, bring everything right in.

Right, madam.

[mother] Just hand them to sonny over there.

[man] Here you are, sonny.

I'll go get the rest of the stuff.

Okay, Chuck, let's unload!

[Chuck] Right, Pete.

Back it up!

Yeah, back, boy. Back. Easy.

Why, isn't that a lot of stuff for a two-week visit?

Well, now that's my surprise, sonny.

I knew Wilma could use some help here, so I sold my house.

You sold your house?

That's right, sonny. I'm here to stay.

Well, what do you say about that?

Oh, boy.

Easy, boy.

Wilma!

Say, where are we going to put all this old junk?

Let's try moving that table over here.

No, that's not right. Bring it back.

Put my day bed where the table was.

I don't like it, move it back.

What would happen if you moved the table in place of the bureau and the piano in place of the sofa?

I'd break my back, that's what would happen.

Now look here.

Sonny, I think I know what you're going to say.

You do? Yes, and you're right.

There just isn't room enough for three people in this house.

Well, there is always the garage. [laughs]

I was thinking the very same thing.

[laughing]

[panting]

That's the last load.

Now that you're settled, I'll go hit a few golf balls with Barney.

You know, it's kind of cute in here. I'm glad you like it.

All it needs is some curtains and a rug.

And you got a regular home away from home, right?

Right, sonny.

You don't get many good ideas, but when you get one, it's right.

Thank you, Mother.

I'm sure you'll be very comfortable out here.

I'll be very comfortable out here?

Good. Then it's all settled, right?

Wrong! Now just a rock-hitting minute.

[whimpering]

I pay the rent, I buy the groceries, that mother-in-law takes over the house, and I got to stay in the garage!

You missed, Fred. Boy, what a mean mother Wilma's got.

That's two, Fred. And her cooking. Wow!

Lucky three, Fred.

Every time she serves you a steak you got to check to see if your shoes are missing.

[man] Fore!

I kid you not, Barney, that woman has got to go.

I'm sure it's around here.

Anyone seen my ball?

Hiya, Joe. Hiya, Barney.

Hiya, Joe. Hiya, Fred.

Fred found it. Here you go, Joe. Thanks, fellows.

Stay. I'd like you two to meet a visitor.

Mister. Mister...

Melville J. Muchrocks is the name.

Pleased to make your acquaintance.

Nice to meet you. Yeah. Me, too.

Mr. Muchrocks has been traveling. Says he likes our town.

Nice little town you got here.

Reminds me of my home town, Gold Nugget, Texas.

[Fred] Gold Nugget?

Folks named it after the riverbed full of gold nuggets that runs through my 50,000 acre ranch.

River bed of gold nuggets? Fifty thousand acre ranch?

Of course, they named the town before we found oil on my property.

[Fred] Oil, too, huh?

Yep. Mighty good living in Gold Nugget.

So how come you left? Well, I'll tell you, son.

After living there 50 years, I decided to travel a spell and maybe find me a wife to take over and manage things.

Getting a mite too big for one person to handle.

Take over and manage things?

Mr. Muchrocks, I was wondering...

No formality, son. Call me Melville.

Well, Melville, since you're all alone in town, maybe you'd like to come to my house tonight for dinner.

Well, that's right neighborly of you, sonny, and I appreciate it, but I'm not much company around feeding time.

I eat nothing but health food. [laughing]

Boy, Melville, this is your lucky day.

It just so happens, that at this very minute at my house, is the sweetest, most managing widow lady whoever cooked up a mess of good old healthy tree bark.

You wouldn't kid an old ranger, would you?

No, sir.

In that case, sonny, what are we waiting for?

Car's in front. Come on, Barney.

I got to hand it to you, you really knocked those pins over tonight.

Well, that's what sleeping in his own bed will do for a guy.

You finally got out of the garage? Yeah. [laughs]

How did you do it, Fred? How did you get Wilma's mother off your back?

Elementary, my dear Barney.

I got her a man of her own to boss.

I get it. Melville J. Muchrocks? Old moneybags.

Right. He sends her flowers and candy and he's taking her out every night for the past two weeks.

Boy, I can hear those wedding bells ringing loud and clear.

It's only you, Fred. Yeah, it's only me.

What are you doing up so late?

It's after midnight and Mama isn't home yet.

Well, maybe her pumpkin turned into a coach.

What are you talking about? Nothing.

Anything to eat? I'm hungry.

Fred Flintstone, you make me furious.

Do you realize Mother is hinting about getting married again to a perfect stranger?

And all you can think about is your stomach.

Look, Wilma, Melville J. Muchrocks is a millionaire.

That's a good catch for any woman.

Hmm. Maybe too good. There is something funny about that man.

Why? Melville seems to be a great guy.

Seems to be. That's just it.

We really don't know anything about him.

I wish we could check up on him before Mama loses her head.

You're being ridiculous.

Your mother is fully mature. She knows what she's doing.

[mother] Nighty-night, sweetie poo. See you tomorrow.

[scatting]

Mama, are you all right?

All right? After a night like tonight?

[laughing]

I'm simply scrumptious!

Good night, children.

And you don't think I have anything to worry about.

Well, it's a change, anyway.

Say, sonny, I almost forgot.

Drive me to the bank tomorrow.

Why, Mama?

I'm withdrawing all my money to give to Melville.

What? To invest in an oil stock for me.

[Wilma] Isn't that sort of a gamble?

No. Melville owns the oil wells and he knows about one that's coming in.

Ha, ha.

I just love that town of Gold Nugget.

Mature woman? I know it looks a little suspicious.

A little suspicious? He's okay.

If that man isn't what he says he is, I'll put on a monkey suit and sell peanuts downtown.

All right, but if my mother loses all her money, you'll have to sell an awful lot of peanuts to support the three of us.

Hi, Wilma, ready to go?

I guess so, but I'm sure not in the mood to have my hair done today.

Why? I checked with the phone company.

There is no Melville J. Muchrocks listed in Gold Nugget, Texas.

Of course not. Millionaires always have unlisted numbers.

They do? Well, sure.

Otherwise all sorts of people would be bothering them.

Mm-hm. Like collection agencies and the police.

[giggles]

Stop worrying about nothing.

We got a date with our fellows tonight and we better get a move on.

Well, okay, Betty, let's go.

Now, girls, if you'll step this way, please.

I hate getting under those driers. Me, too.

I always have trouble hearing the latest gossip when I'm under one.

Well, when it comes to gossip, I wouldn't go so far as to say that.

Won't you please be seated, girls.

Thank you. All right, boys, lower away.

Easy does it. Good.

Au revoir, girls.

Is your mother coming with us tonight, Wilma?

No, I asked her, but Melville wants to be alone.

I think he's going to propose.

Well, as I was telling you, Daisy, he's a notorious con man.

His routine is to take poor widows for every cent they've got.

First he marries them, and then he skips away with all their money.

Did you hear that, Betty? Can you imagine such a thing?

I understand the police think he's here in Bedrock, probably working on his latest victim right this minute.

They say he's very convincing. Poses as a Texas millionaire.

Mama!

My poor mother. Wilma, wait for me.

[Wilma] Fred! Fred!

Here come the girls, Fred. Boy, Wilma's bought a new hat.

He's a con man. He cheated three widows out of their life savings.

He marries them and then deserts them, so he's a bigamist, as well as a thief, and the police are after him.

Fred, do something! Hold it!

Slow down and take off that silly hat.

It's true, I heard every word.

He got away from the police and he poses as a Texas millionaire.

Melville J. Muchrocks is a crook!

Muchrocks, a crook? Are you sure?

Absolutely. He's wanted by the police.

We heard him described to a T.

Wilma, do you know where they went?

Oh... Oh.

They were going to an amusement park and then to dinner.

[sobbing]

My poor mama!

Now don't you worry, sweetheart, you just leave it to me.

Barney. Yeah, Fred?

Come on, let's go. Right, Fred.

You ever play football, Barney? Sure, Fred. Why?

Because you're going to run interference while I intercept a proposal.

Hey, hey, step right up, ladies and gentlemen.

It's the biggest little show on earth, featuring Rocko the Great.

Now you see him, now you don't.

Rocko, the man of a thousand disguises.

Come on, Barney, let's go in.

Oh, Fred. We came to find Melville and your mother-in-law, remember?

Of course I remember, stupid.

But we don't want Wilma's mother to know it's us, do we?

No sirree, Fred. So we need disguises.

Rocko, the man of a thousand disguises is a friend of mine. You get it?

I get it. I'm with you, Fred.

[Barney laughing]

These are pretty good disguises.

Yeah, it was sure nice of Rocko to lend them to us.

Now keep your eye open for that phony Texas millionaire.

Fred, there they are, getting on the Rocky Roller Coaster.

Hey. Wait for us!

Here we go, sweetie.

Melville, I feel just a like a teenager.

You are, honey-baby, you are!

We just made it, Mommy. Yes, Junior.

Hold on, sugar. Here's a giant dip!

[whooping]

This is exciting!

Not half as exciting as you, little flower.

[mother] Ooh, what did you say? There's something I'm aiming to ask you.

Yes, Melville? I say, will you do me the honor of...

What in...

Look there, honey. We're heading for the Tunnel of Love.

Melville, you're so romantic. [laughs]

Sugar, it's time I declared myself.

Yes, Melville?

[Melville] I have something important to ask you.

[mother] Yes, Melville?

[Melville] I wondered, would you consider...

[kissing]

Great day, if you ain't an affectionate little puppy!

[kissing continues and Melville whoops]

Honey, you're a-ruffling up my mustachio.

[laughing]

Mommy, mommy. Dark place, dark place.

You ain't my sugar. And you ain't my mommy.

I want my mommy.

Sugar, I made up my mind to take me a wife, so...

Light? What for? I'm not smoking.

Yes. No, sir. Care for a mint?

No, I don't want a mint. I want my dinner.

What happened to the soup we ordered? Coming right up, sir.

Honey, I've been trying to say something to you all day.

I know, Melville. Now that we're alone, go ahead.

Little flower, you all would make me the happiest man in Texas and mighty proud if you would consent to be my...

[screams]

Whoops. I goofed. [laughs]

You clumsy waiter! You spilled that blasted goldarn soup all over me.

If you have a complaint about the soup, I'll have to call the chef.

Chef! What is the trouble?

This person don't like your soup.

What? He don't like my soup?

He dares to insult my soup?

Just a goldarn minute, my good man, I didn't say...

This is a terrible insult. We step outside.

Excuse me, sugar. We'll go outside and settle this like gentlemen.

Be careful, honey.

Don't worry, my little flower, I'll be right back.

Barney, you got the rope? It's in the car.

Okay, you tinhorn four-flusher, this is it. The end of the line.

Put me down, you varmints! You all gone plumb loco?

Cheat poor widows out of their live savings, will you?

Who, me? Not this time, buddy.

You can love them and leave them back where you come from, Tex.

You fellows are making a terrible mistake!

[mimicking train noises]

And he just left me at the table waiting and waiting.

[wailing]

There now, Mother, he isn't worth thinking about.

Stand up straight, sonny, you're slouching.

Oh, dear, what have we done?

Fred, would you come here a minute? Excuse me a minute, Mother.

I hope you're not planning on playing golf this afternoon.

There are a lot of things to be done right around this house.

Oh, boy.

Fred, we've done something awful. Read this.

"Love them and leave them Texan caught.

Con man and bigamist, Harvey T. Pebble was captured by Bedrock police late yesterday."

[Wilma] Look at his picture. That's not Melville.

[Fred] You're right. That's not Melville.

Mama had a chance to be happy, and we took it away.

We'll have to spend the rest of our lives making it up to her.

Fred, where you going?

Back to the garage, where else?

But, Mama, I really don't think you should leave.

Sorry, daughter, I made up my mind. But, Mama...

[mother] That's the way it's got to be, daughter.

[Wilma] Fred? Yes, Wilma?

[Wilma] Fred, Mama is leaving. She is?

I can't talk her out of it.

[Fred] Don't try. I mean, that's too bad.

Yes, sir, once I got that check I knew what I wanted to do.

[Fred] What check?

Remember that oil stock that Mama invested in?

Yeah? [Wilma] Well, the well came in.

A gusher. She got the check today. Yeah?

And thanks to Melville, I'm a very rich woman so I'm going on a trip and I'm going to find that man, just to thank him, of course.

Say, that's really good news.

Let me help you with your bags. I'll take you right to the station right now.

Of course, I hate to see you go, but there is no point in wasting time.

[Wilma] Fred, what's wrong?

Pulled a ligament in my back. It's nothing.

Don't tell me it's nothing. You may have a bad sprain there.

Wilma, take my bags back into the house!

But you were leaving. You were making a trip.

Gold Nugget, Texas. It's waiting for you.

I can make that trip any time.

Six months, a year from now, there's no hurry. In the meanwhile, I'm certainly not going to leave my daughter with a helpless invalid.

All right, into the house you go and we'll tuck you into bed.

Lucky for you I came when I did.

Now keep quiet and I'll take care of everything.

Oh, boy.

Wilma!

Wilma!

Come on, Wilma, open the door!

Wilma!