02x23 - The Happy Household

[bunniefuu]

I'll turn on the TV, Fred.

[TV switches on] [man] And now, a brand-new show.

Rockenschpeel Products Company, where happiness is our most important by-product, brings you the Happy Housewife program.

Two hours of music, songs, helpful hints from our star Wilma Flintstone.

Oh, turn that thing off, will you? Okay, Fred.

Wilma Flintstone?

[horn honking]

[theme music playing]

[whistle chirps]

[siren wailing]

[whistle chirps]

Golly, Wilma, I didn't realize it was so late.

Neither did I, Betty.

Heh. When I'm shopping, I forget all about time.

Me too.

I just can't tear myself away from those bargains.

I'm lucky that Barney isn't too fussy. I'll warm up some leftovers.

Fred expects a hot meal plunked down in front of him the minute he gets home.

Well, I hope we get there before the boys do, Wilma.

I hope so, too, or I'm in for one enchanted evening.

How about that, Barney?

We make the effort to get home a little early just so we can have dinner sooner so the girls would finish washing the dishes early.

You came home early because you were hungry, Fred.

That's beside the point.

They're supposed to be home, not gallivanting around.

They're not gallivanting, Fred. They went shopping.

Shopping. That's the worst kind of gallivanting.

Uh-oh. The boys are home early, Wilma.

Wouldn't you know it?

Hey, Fred, here come the girls.

They're turning into the driveway. Now they're swinging into the garage.

[tires screech, then crashing]

[Fred groans] That garage door takes an awful beating.

Is that why you bought Wilma that new little bitty car, Fred?

[chuckles]

I figured the smaller the car, the less packages it could carry, so I bought Wilma the "compactest" compact I could find.

Oh, I get it, Fred.

Holds down the shopping, huh? Right. [laughing]

How much can one of those tiny cars hold, huh?

Just a second, Betty.

I have to press this button to open the trunk.

[Betty] Wilma, you sure are a genius at packing things.

All right.

All right. I can't make it as fast as you spend it.

I admit it. So let's call off the contest.

Spend, spend, spend.

You go running around with a charger plate in each hand.

Money isn't going out of style. It's here to stay. Believe me.

What big deal is it to be the best-dressed woman in the poorhouse?

All you think of is how to get rid of my hard-earned money.

Now you hold it right there, Fred Flintstone.

I'm sick and tired of these money arguments.

I want to look nice so you'll be proud of me as your wife.

I have pride in my appearance.

And I'm not going to look like I just swam to shore from a sinking ship.

[groans] This is a 50-50 deal.

I work hard around here, and I'm willing to do more.

If necessary, I'll get a job to earn some extra money.

That's a hot one. A job? [laughs]

What's so funny about that?

You are too smart to leave this cushy setup you have here.

You like it just as it is. You... Yow!

Now what brought that on?

Wilma and I sure had a wing-ding last night.

Yeah, I could hear you yelling, Fred. I was not yelling!

Gee, okay, Fred.

All our fights are about money.

Wilma goes out and fritters dough away on clothes and stuff, and I'm still using last year's bowling shoes.

That's too bad, Fred.

She said she might get a job. Ha, ha.

What a laugh.

She's too used to me keeping her in luxury.

Yeah, Fred.

A job?

Well, you have a job, Wilma. Keeping house.

I know, but it doesn't pay anything when I have to fight over a new dress.

I'm going to earn my own money.

Say, I could use some extra money too, Wilma.

Barney never gripes, but if I made some extra money, it would be a lot easier.

Yeah. Say, Betty, come on with me. We'll both get a job.

Okay, Wilma.

The Bedrock Employment Agency has never failed to find a job for any applicant.

Now, girls, what are your qualifications?

[Betty] Well, I can type. Good. Good.

I'll give you a test. Mrs. Rubble, sit over at that desk.

My. You're a very fast typist, Mrs. Rubble.

It's all spelled wrong, but you're fast.

Yes, I can place you, I'm sure.

And I think I have a filing job for you, Mrs. Flintstone.

Both of you go to this address and see the personnel manager.

[Betty] Oh, we will. Thank you.

It was nice of you to send us to the same place.

This is the address, and look what it is.

"The Bedrock Radio-TV Corporation."

Betty, if we get the jobs here, we can see all the TV stars.

[giggling]

I'd work for nothing.

Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say that.

After all, that's the deal we've got at home.

Yeah. This time we want money.

I think this is where they said we'd find the personnel manager.

Well, let's look in. What can we lose?

Oh! There you are. Come on in, girls. You're late. You're late.

You should've been here with the other girls.

Oh, we're sorry. We hurried right over.

Okay. Wait right here. I'll check with Mr. Rockenschpeel.

Hundreds of girls. I hear none of them is any good for my new TV show.

Oh, boy. I better sell Rockenschpeel on these two dames, or I'll lose this juicy million-dollar account.

Uh, Mr. Rockenschpeel, our worries are over.

You mean your worries.

Me, I got only trouble.

I think we found the right girls for your show.

If you don't, I cancel out the whole thing.

Oh...

Yes, sir, Mr. Rockenschpeel.

All right, girls. Mr. Rockenschpeel is the head man.

If he likes you, you're in. Smile. Happy. Happy.

Lots of teeth. Good. Good. That's it.

You're on. Hit it, Charlie.

[piano playing]

Okay, the dark-haired one, go.

What?

Hold it. Hold it. Stop the music. [music stops]

What are you doing?

I'm leaving. You told me to go.

[manager] I meant, "Go ahead and sing."

I can't sing.

[manager] You can't sing.

No. But Wilma sings. She does?

[Betty] She's the greatest according to the girls in our bridge club.

Bridge club? Heh.

I made only one mistake today. I got out of bed.

Well, I'm waiting. Where's the singing?

The singing? Yeah, Mr. Rockenschpeel.

Okay, Wilma, baby. Give it all you've got.

But I haven't sung since our last bridge club meeting.

Mm-hm. Again with the bridge club. [laughing hysterically]

All right, already. Stop with the giggling and start with the singing.

Go on and sing, Wilma, if it means getting a job.

Okay, I'll try.

You'll try, sure.

All right, Charlie, hit it.

[piano playing]

♪ Remember that rainy evening ♪

♪ I threw you out ♪

♪ With nothing, nothing but a fine-tooth comb ♪

♪ I know, I know... ♪ Oh, no, no, no. I'm ruined. Kaput.

A million-buck account out the window.

♪ Yeah! I know I'm to blame... ♪ Rockenschpeel. He likes it. He likes it.

How's that, Rocky-boy? It's good.

I like it. I told you I'd deliver.

♪ Come on home! ♪ Wilma, baby, you were great, great, great.

The job is yours. Here. Sign this and you'll go to work.

That's it. Thanks. Good. Good. Good.

Um, what was that I signed?

A contract for 39 weeks to star on The Rockenschpeel Show, that's all. Why?

Oh, I was just wondering. Thank you.

You know, if I could sing, I would've gotten the typist job, I guess.

Well, it's a lot of fuss over just a file clerk job, but I got it.

You sure did, Wilma.

Say, Betty, what was it that man said I signed?

Oh. That was just a contract for 39 weeks.

To star on The Rockenschpeel Show? To star on The Rockenschpeel Show?

Oh, mister, my husband won't let me do anything like this.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Flintstone, but you signed a contract.

You must fulfill it, otherwise, we will sue, sue.

Now get used to the idea.

Starting today for 39 weeks at dinnertime, you are the singing star of Rockenschpeel's Happy Housewife Show.

Thirty-nine weeks at dinnertime?

Oh, how can I ever tell Fred?

Come on, Mrs. Flintstone, you're on.

Rehearsals for this evening's opening show, you know.

Betty, I'll write a note to Fred.

You leave it on the table with one of your frozen TV dinners.

He's never had one, but it's the best I can do.

Well, Barney, after that set-to Wilma and I had last night, she'll knock herself out tonight to give me a big feed.

She'll probably start off with her jellied cactus hearts dodo bird on the rocks, or a sizzling brontosaurus steak, New York cut, medium rare.

Mm-mm! Cut it out, Fred.

I'm just gonna have warmed-over leftovers.

[laughing] Warmed-over leftovers, huh?

See you after dinner, Barney. Yeah, Fred. So long.

I'm home, Wilma.

Don't tell me what's for dinner. I'll close my eyes.

Surprise me.

Okay, I'm ready. Let's have it.

Wilma? I'm ready.

What's with the note?

"Dearest Fred, hope you enjoy your dinner. Will explain later. Love, Wilma."

Huh.

"This is a complete frozen dinner containing..."

[groans]

I'm so hungry, I'll eat anything.

[frozen dinner shatters, then Fred roars]

Didn't that sound like Fred, Betty? Yeah.

I don't know who he could be growling at. Wilma isn't home yet.

Uh, look, Barney, why don't you go over and try to cheer Fred up?

Yeah, okay. I'll do that, Betty.

But I still don't get it.

[scat singing]

Hi, Fred, can I come in?

[growling]

Gee, Fred, I'm sorry. Looks like Wilma deserted you.

Can't say I blame her. [growling]

How'd you enjoy your frozen dinner, Fred?

[growling continues]

Gee, Fred, all I'm trying to do is cheer you up.

You know, make conversation and stuff like that there.

Well, I don't want no conversation. I want food.

F-0-0... Oh, I'm hungry!

Say, Barney, how about those warmed-over leftovers?

Too bad, Fred. There weren't any warmed-over leftovers left over to be warmed over leftover. [laughing]

[laughs mockingly] That ain't funny, Barney.

Oh, I'm sorry, Fred. I'll turn on the TV.

[man] And now, a brand-new show.

Rockenschpeel Products Company, where happiness is our most important by-product, brings you the Happy Housewife program.

Two hours of music, songs, helpful hints from our star, Wilma Flintstone.

Oh, turn that thing off, will you? Okay, Fred.

Wilma Flintstone? Wait a minute. Hold it.

Now may I introduce our Wilma, the happy housewife.

Wilma?

Hey, how about that, Fred? Wilma on TV.

Our happy housewife has been cooking all afternoon.

Cooking all afternoon for whom?

Here she is with this delicious Rockenschpeel meal she's prepared.

Your husband will be happy too, when he's greeted with a nice roast loin of Rockenschpeel brontosaurus.

Sure looks good, huh, Fred? [growling]

Oh, I'm sorry, Fred. I forgot you haven't had any dinner.

All you wives know how important it is to have a nice hot meal waiting for that hungry man of yours.

And you can't go wrong with a sizzling hot Rockenschpeel brontosaurus fillet steak, New York cut.

My dinner on TV.

Sort of a TV dinner, huh, Fred? [laughing]

♪ Make your hobby hubby ♪

♪ Keep your hubby happy ♪

♪ When he's a little chubby ♪

♪ He's a happy pappy ♪

♪ With Rockenschpeel ♪

[man] One more time, Wilma.

♪ Make your hobby hubby ♪

♪ Keep your hubby happy ♪

♪ When he's a little chubby... ♪ No. Wait, Fred. Wait till Wilma comes home...

[growling] [doorbell rings]

And talk it over. [crashes]

[panting]

See you later, Fred.

[Fred roars]

Wilma! [screams]

[whimpers] Hi, Fred.

What's the idea being on television instead of being here making dinner?

How many times have I told you a woman's place is in the home?

Go ahead. Explain why you were cooking my dinner on TV.

Well, this morning Betty and I went down to see about getting a job.

We went into an employment agency...

[sobbing] And that's how I got to be... [sobs]

Wilma, the happy housewife.

Okay, Wilma, the happy housewife.

Fred, the hilarious husband, is going down there and cancel that contract.

But, Fred, they said they'd sue. Sue, schmoo.

I'll tear that station apart tube-by-tube.

They're dealing with Fred Flintstone now.

Gosh, Fred's been gone over an hour. I hope he's not too rough on them.

Well, Fred won't let them push him around. He's got friends.

Yes, Fred's a pretty big man in this town.

[laughing]

Fred would be a pretty big man in any town.

Bang.

Here comes Fred, Wilma. [Wilma] Fred, how'd you make out?

They had all their smart lawyers there, some fast-talking agency boys, the company's executive board, all lined up against me.

You told them off, huh, Fred?

They argued and threatened, but I stood firm.

Finally, I won. Two out of three points.

[Barney] What were they, Fred?

One, they won't sue me, two, they won't have me fired from my job.

What was three, Fred?

Wilma keeps right on being Wilma, the happy housewife.

Hey, that's a good deal, Fred, considering...

Yeah.

It looked like I was going to be deported there for a while.

Hi, Betty, how did things go today? You know, Fred and Wilma.

Oh, swell, Barney. Everything's squared away.

Wilma's going to keep on with the show and it's okay with Fred.

Oh, great. And Fred'll eat out, huh? Oh, no.

Fred won't eat anything but home-cooking, so he'll be our guest and eat his dinners here.

Feed Fred Flintstone for 39 weeks? Oh, Betty, we'll be ruined. Bankrupt.

Come now, Barney. How much could Fred possibly eat?

Nobody knows. He's never been filled up.

Hi, neighbors. It's famished Freddie, the man who came to dinner.

First of all, we'll check the kitchen to see, if you'll pardon the cliché, what's cooking.

[Fred laughing] Hm...

Dodo bird fricassee. Looks a little thin.

[slurping]

Could stand a little bit more seasoning too, Betty.

Creamed seaweed, that's out.

And this brontosaurus roast, it's too well-done, besides being much too small.

Wilma never cooks like this. There's something missing, Betty.

[groans] There's nothing missing, but there will be.

You, Fred Flintstone, out. Out! Out!

It's always the way.

You have friends when you don't need them.

When you need them, they throw you out of the house.

Boy, am I hungry.

Hey, there's just what I need.

"Mother's place. Real home cooking."

Must be new. I never seen it before.

Oh, Mother. What do you want, Mac?

[stammering] You're Mother? Right, Mac.

Mother's the name. Sam Mother. What do you wanna eat?

[stammering] A hot bronto sandwich and hold the gravy.

[Sam] One "HB", dry.

[man] One "HB," dry, coming up.

Here, Mac. One hot bronto sandwich. No gravy.

Thanks, Mother.

[Sam] I think I'll turn on the TV and get a little dinner music.

[man on TV] And here comes our Wilma, the happy housewife.

And what have you cooked up for us today, Wilma?

A nice, crispy, barbecued Rockenschpeel dinosaur rib.

And, girls, your husband will love it.

♪ Make your hobby hubby ♪

♪ Keep your hubby happy ♪

♪ When he's a little chubby ♪

♪ He's a happy pappy ♪

♪ With Rockenschpeel ♪

[man] Yes, you too can be a happy housewife if you...

[roaring]

Hey, Mac, don't touch the TV.

[crashing and Fred yelling]

[Sam] Police!

[phone ringing]

Will you get that, Barney? Okay, Betty.

Yeah? Oh, hiya, Fred. What's new?

What are you doing in jail, Fred?

You broke up a television set?

In Mother's Place?

And hit Mother?

Oh. Oh. Okay, Fred.

Uh, I have to go down and bail Fred out, Betty.

Why, you ought to leave him there.

Anyone that would strike his mother and break her TV set should be in jail.

Those old folks love TV.

Not Fred's mother. Sam Mother. I don't care whose mother it is.

It just isn't nice.

But he runs a beanery. You know, a restaurant.

It makes no difference what he does. We're concerned with his mother.

[stammering] But Sam Mother, who owns a...

Skip it. I'll explain later.

I'm sure surprised at Fred Flintstone.

[manager] There you are, Mr. Bedrock. The latest ratings.

The Bedrock Network has done it again.

The Happy Housewife program is the number one show from coast to coast.

Great. Great. That's three straight weeks. [chuckles]

I'll give the Rockbound Network a ring and give them the old needle.

Hello? Get me Sam Rockbound at the Rockbound Network.

[chuckles] Rockbound hates it when I do this.

Hello, this is Ed Bedrock. That you, Rockbound?

Yeah, this is Sam Rockbound. What's on your mind, Bedrock?

Yes, I've seen the latest ratings on Happy Housewife.

So what?

You're being clobbered, Rockbound.

Clobbered, that's what.

He hates when I do that.

Oh, I hate when he does that.

But he's right. We are being clobbered.

That Happy Housewife show is k*lling us. We've got to do something.

Let's see now. Every housewife has an Achilles' heel.

Which reminds me, what about her husband?

I'll start by seeing how happy a happy housewife's husband is.

[knocking on door]

Come in.

Mr. Flintstone. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm Sam Rockbound, Rockbound Network. May I come in?

What do you want?

Mr. Flintstone, how do you like being the husband of TV's Happy Housewife?

You really want to know? Why, yes.

Well, sit down, buster. I got a story to tell you.

With the ratings we're getting, Mr. Bedrock, we can keep the Happy Housewife Show going forever.

Right. As long as there are housewives.

[both laughing]

[phone ringing]

Hello? Bedrock speaking.

Oh, hello, Rockbound.

Now listen, groveling won't help you a bit.

I'm not groveling, Bedrock.

But you will. I've got news for you.

I've got a new show to buck against Happy Housewife.

You're kidding. What did you say you're calling it?

Neglected Husband, starring the happy housewife's husband Fred Flintstone?

But Sam, baby, you can't let him say things like that.

You'll ruin our show.

Oh. That's the idea.

But, Sam... Sam, pal, I'm groveling.

Believe me, I'm groveling.

Listen, suppose I yank Happy Housewife?

Sure, I will. Right. Honest.

Yeah. Right now, Sam, baby. Yes.

Thanks, buddy. Thanks. Right away.

Hey, you.

Stop the Happy Housewife Show right now.

♪ Make your hobby hubby... ♪ Sorry, lady. Show's over.

♪ With Rockenschpeel ♪

[man] Due to circumstances beyond our control Happy Housewife is off the air.

Wilma's been cooking all day, huh, Betty?

It's been her first chance for weeks.

Oh, here comes Fred.

[scat singing]

Yabba-dabba-doo-doo-doo.

Oh, Wilma!

I'm home, Wilma. Start it coming.

♪ Keep your hubby happy ♪

♪ When he's a little chubby ♪

♪ He's a happy pappy ♪ One more time, Wilma, and keep it coming.

♪ When he's a little chubby ♪

♪ He's a happy pappy ♪ I hope all you wives out there are taking notes.

[theme music playing]

[yawns]

Wilma!

Wilma!

Come on, Wilma, open the door!

Wilma!