02x14 - The House Guest

[bunniefuu]

[Barney gargling]

Cut out that noise, and let me get some sleep before I immobilize you!

What are you making all that noise for? Me making noise?

Shh! The girls will think we're fighting.

[Wilma] Fred. Fred.

Yes, dear?

Can't you be a little more considerate?

[theme music playing]

[whistles]

[siren wailing]

What's the big hurry, Fred?

I wanna catch the Quicky Car Wash place before it closes.

That's the place that just opened. Yeah. It's the greatest.

You drive in at one end, and whoosh, it's out the other end spick and span.

Yeah, instant clean.

Do you mind if I go along, neighbor? Glad to have you aboard, pal.

We'll have it washed and still get home in time for dinner.

Some service, huh, Barney?

Yeah, instant quick clean.

Here we go, Barney. Yep.

Fasten your seat belt.

The work's wet, but it's clean.

How about that, Barney? Beats washing the car yourself, huh?

Sure gives you a pickup.

See you after dinner, Barney.

Will do, Fred. We gotta finish that badminton game.

Barney! Barney! Come in quick!

Coming, Betty. Coming.

Hurry, Barney!

What's the matter, Betty? What's wrong? We've got a leak.

It just started a minute ago.

Oh, boy. We gotta do something.

Get some rags.

Get some tools. Barney.

Get a Band-Aid. Get a doctor. Barney.

I'll run next door and get Fred. Barney.

You here, Fred? Yeah, I'm here.

Hello? Hello, plumber?

Plumber? Hello, plumber, this is an emergency.

Hold it! Hold it! Do you wanna get robbed?

Don't you remember how he socked you the last time?

Yeah, that's right, Betty.

[Betty] I know, but somebody's gotta fix it.

There's a woman for you.

They think money grows on trees.

[Barney] Yeah, that's right.

Look, Betty, I don't like to butt in, but that leak's nothing.

We'll fix it in a jiffy.

We'll fix it?

Get me a hammer or a wrench. Right, Fred.

And an ice pick. Ice pick?

Look, I hate to be a back-seat plumber, but why an ice pick?

Look, Betty, this is man talk. Man business.

Yeah, maybe you better go visit Wilma till it's fixed.

Against my better judgment, maybe I'd better.

Well, there you are, Barney.

Oh, I gotta hand it to you, Fred.

You're Mr. Fix-it.

Yeah, and she wanted to call a plumber.

Maybe we'd better. Quiet, and get another ice pick.

How many do you think we've got?

Stop talking and get something for this one!

I'm getting something, Fred. I'm getting something.

There.

Let's not panic. That'll hold it.

Tomorrow, we'll get some tape and...

Barney!

I'm getting something, Fred. I'm getting something.

[Fred] All right, so it doesn't look pretty, but it works.

Betty isn't gonna like it.

Hey, hey, Fred, look!

The dam's gonna burst!

One thing I always say.

If anything goes wrong in the house, call a professional.

I agree with you, but when Fred starts making noises like an expert...

Your play. I let him have his way.

It gives him confidence.

Gin. You're lucky it's only a tiny leak.

I gotta use the phone. Why don't you use ours?

[Barney] I can't. It's underwater.

Hello? Hello? Get me a plumber.

Any plumber. Barney, where's Fred?

Don't worry about him, Wilma. He's a good swimmer.

Hello?

Oh, plumber, listen.

This is an emergency at the Rubble's house.

Yeah, bring some pails.

Yeah, your swim fins too, tools, plumber's helpers...

Let's see, four elbows, two joints, a couple of valves.

That'll run close to 200.

Two hundred?

Right.

Of course, if you'd called right away...

Yeah, I know, do me a favor. When you send the bill, make it for only half.

I'll pay the whole thing, but...

Oh, you wanna lie to your wife.

By the way, have you made hotel reservations yet?

Hotel? What for?

Well, I've gotta turn off the water, rip up the floors, replace the pipes.

Job's gonna take at least four or five days.

How are you gonna lie to your wife about that?

Oh, boy. I'm sunk.

Hi, Betty. [Betty] We just came to say goodbye.

Come on in a minute. Thanks.

Well, we're off to the hotel.

We're sure gonna miss you, folks. It's only for a week.

Only for a week? At those rates and without meals?

Just because we didn't call a plumber.

[Betty] We better go now. Wait a minute.

Wilma, can I speak to you in the kitchen?

Don't go away, folks.

Wilma, listen.

I know what you're thinking. And the answer is no.

How can you say that? They're our neighbors.

They are our best friends. Yes, and I wanna keep it that way.

My mother always said the surest way to lose a friend is to invite them to come and live with you.

That's ridiculous. Besides, we only have one bedroom.

So you and Betty use the bedroom.

I'll use the sofa. Barney can have the cot.

I'm telling you, if Fred was a real friend, he'd ask us to stay here instead of going to a hotel at those rates.

That's crazy. They're supposed to be our best friends.

Yes. And let's keep it that way.

And what's more, he's a cheapskate.

And another thing... [Betty] Shh!

Quiet, Barney.

Folks, you're not going to a hotel.

Hm? What do you mean? You're gonna stay right here with us.

You're the best cheapskate neighbor a fella ever had.

[Betty] Hold it! Hold it!

We may be making a big mistake if we stay.

I'm afraid so.

What do you mean? Yeah, what mistake?

You know what's going to happen if you and Barney are cooped up together.

[Fred] What's going to happen?

You're gonna start fighting. That's what.

Me and my pal fight?

We're buddy buddies.

My bosom buddy And my lifelong pal

[both humming]

Okay, okay, have it your way.

I just hope you're still singing together five days from now.

All right, Barney, bosom buddy, start unpacking.

Good, good, good.

I'm hungry. What's for supper?

Delicious, Wilma. Delicious.

Why, thank you, Barney. Your dinner is wonderful.

I'm glad you are enjoying it. [Fred] How about me?

How come I'm getting only one meatball?

[Wilma] Because we have guests, that's how come.

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.

Excuse me, pal. Very thoughtless.

Oh, that's okay.

Could I pour you some water?

Just a drop, if it's no trouble.

[Fred] No trouble at all.

[Barney] Are you sure? [Fred] I insist.

[Barney] You're very kind. [Fred] My pleasure.

[Barney] May I pour for you?

[Fred] How thoughtful. Oh, knock it off!

Wilma, please. Our guests.

Okay. Would you and your guest like some coffee?

[Fred] Perhaps our guest would prefer his coffee later while we're watching TV.

Indubitably.

[Fred] No, in the den.

How's the coffee, bosom buddy?

Delicious, lifelong friend.

You boys relax. Betty and I will do the dishes.

[Fred] Okay, Wilma.

We're going pretty good, Fred? Yeah.

We can't let anything go wrong between us, Barn.

The main thing is we can't fight in front of the girls.

Right, Fred.

No matter what happens, keep smiling.

You can rely on me.

Anyone for dessert?

Swamp root layer cake.

Help yourself, boys. There's a piece for both of you.

[Barney] Thank you.

Enjoy yourselves, fellas.

That's all there is. There ain't no more.

You, selfish little moocher.

Who, me? What did I do?

I'll tell you what you did. You grabbed the big piece of cake for yourself.

What would you have done?

I'd be a gentleman. I'd take the little one.

Well, you got it, didn't you? What are you kicking about?

Why, you!

Watch it, Fred, the girls. Keep smiling. Keep smiling.

You boys gonna stay up long?

Not too long, dear.

Me, neither. I'm getting sleepy.

Well, good night, Fred.

Good night, honey.

Good night, Barney.

Good night. Sweet dreams.

Do you think you'll be comfortable sleeping out here, boys?

[Fred] Sure, honey. You run along, honey.

Good night, then.

[Fred] Good night. [Barney] Good night.

Hey, we might as well hit the hay, Barney.

I'm with you, Fred.

You go wash up, and I'll get the beds ready.

Will do, Fred. Will do.

Now, this short one is for Barney, nice and comfy.

And this one is for me.

[Barney humming]

All set, Fred.

I left the toothpaste on the sink.

Hold it! Hold it!

What's up, Fred?

What are you supposed to have on?

My nightshirt, that's what.

And how am I supposed to sleep if you got on a loud nightshirt like that?

And if you get any louder, the girls will hear you. Smile, Fred. Show your teeth.

And you better brush them while you're at it.

[laughing]

Oh, boy.

[Barney] Nighty-night, Fred.

[Fred muttering]

Good night!

[sighs]

[Barney] What the heck?

Get off of me, Fred.

Get off of you? You get out of my bed!

You don't expect me to sleep on them chairs.

You're darn right!

Put me down!

Now, get up.

I will not. I'm warning you.

I'm not budging.

[Wilma] Fred, is that you, Fred?

Shh.

Yes, dear.

[Wilma] Is anything wrong?

No, dear. I just tucked Barney in cozy comfy.

Good night. [Wilma] Good night.

Cozy comfy?

Hey, that's cute, Fred.

Quiet, you dope.

That was a close one. And I'm not through with you.

Tomorrow night, I'm sleeping on the couch.

Okay, Fred, okay.

Sheesh.

[snoring]

[Wilma] Fred?

Fred?

Huh?

Fred, do you hear me?

Huh? What's the matter?

You forgot to put the cat out, Fred.

Oh, boy.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty. Fred, quiet. You'll wake everybody up.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Here, kitty. Come on.

Come on. There you are.

That's a good kitty.

[door slams]

[stammering] What?

Hey, what's going on?

Fred? Hey, Fred.

Fred.

Fred! Fred!

Oh, hi, Fred.

What are you doing out here, Barney?

Search me, Fred. Search me.

Come in here!

[yawns]

[ringing]

Quiet, Fred. You wanna wake up everybody?

You numskull! Did you set that alarm?

[Barney] Sure. I gotta get up at 5.

Well, I don't have to get up till 8.

Well, go back to sleep, Fred.

I'll tippy-toe around and be gone before you know it.

5:00.

Whoever heard of such a thing?

[snoring]

[Barney gargling]

Cut out that noise, and let me get some sleep before I immobilize you!

What are you making all that noise for? Me making noise?

Shh! The girls will think we're fighting.

[Wilma] Fred. Fred.

Yes, dear?

Can't you be a little more considerate?

[Fred & Barney singing] My bosom buddy And my lifelong pal

[both humming]

I just can't believe it.

Three days and not a cross word between them.

Like a pair of angels.

When they offered to do the dishes tonight, I almost fainted.

Well, let's face it.

Maybe we were wrong.

There you are, pal.

I'll just put these pots away, and we'll be finished.

I just got this spoon left.

Yowch!

What's the matter, Fred? Hit your head?

When this quits hurting, you know what I'm gonna do to you?

I'm gonna take this drawer, and I'm...!

Shh! The girls will think we're fighting.

You miserable...

Wilma, are you sure I didn't get a phone call?

[Wilma] No, Fred.

I can't understand. The boss told me he'd call tonight. It's very important.

For the millionth time, Fred, he did not call.

I've been here all day, and there were no calls for you.

Well, I don't understand. If the boss says he'll call, he calls.

Who took this phone off the hook?

The phone is off the hook!

Who did it?

I did, Fred.

You took the phone off the hook in my house?

You got your nerve.

Why did you do it?

And you better have a good reason.

I can't concentrate on my reading if the phone starts ringing.

You can't concentrate on...!

You little pip squeak! I will concentrate on tearing you apart!

I will...! Shh, shh!

The girls will think we're fighting.

Thank goodness, only one more day.

That's a beautiful pizza.

I wanted something special for your last night with us.

I hope it's big enough. Oh, there's plenty for the four of us.

We better hurry and get downtown before all the bargains are gone.

I'll just put this pizza in the refrigerator until we get back.

I'll get the car and meet you outside. Okay, Betty.

Be with you in a minute.

Hello?

Anybody home?

[humming]

Ooh. Mm!

Pizza pie.

And it looks mighty delicious.

[laughing]

The Rubbles are leaving Hurray, hurray The Rubbles are leaving Today, today

[humming and laughing]

And I will be very happy to see them go.

Oh, Wilma!

Greetings, one and all.

For you, Mrs. Flintstone, a few posies. Ha, ha!

And for our charming house guest, ditto.

Thank you, Fred.

Hiya, Barney, old pal.

Well, it's our last night together. And, boy, am I starved. What's for supper?

[clearing throat]

Hey, what's the matter?

What's going on?

Well? Well what, Fred?

[Betty] Tell Fred what's for supper, Barney.

[stutters]

Well, it was this way, Fred.

When I got home, there was nobody here, and there was this beautiful pizza pie in the icebox, see?

[stammering] And I...

[babbling]

No. No!

You ate a whole pizza yourself?

A meal for the four of us?

Why, you... Ixnay, Fred.

The girls, the girls.

Oh, well, what are we making a fuss about?

Like I always say, a guest in my house is welcome to anything he wants.

What will we do about dinner? Perfectly simple.

I'll just step over to the delicatessen and get us a load of cold cuts.

Have the table set, Wilma. I'll be back in a minute.

And, Barney, old pal, how about walking over with me?

Yeah, I better come along and see that you get enough.

Let's go, pal. The delicatessen is down this way.

That's right, but we're going this way.

This is a showdown, Barney.

For five days, I've stood all a man can stand.

Eating that pizza was the last straw.

Now you and me are gonna have a knockdown, drag-out, man-to-man fight to the finish.

Okay, Fred. If that's how you want it.

En garde!

You know, I've never been more proud of Fred.

He acted so sweet after what Barney did.

I thought he'd hit the ceiling after what Barney did.

And what's more, I think he'd have had every right to explode after what Barney did.

I don't think we better talk about it anymore.

What's the matter? Surely you don't defend what Barney did.

"What Barney did." What did Barney do? You know perfectly well what he did.

He...

All he did was help himself to an old pizza!

If you want us to pay for it, we'll gladly pay for it.

Now, see here, Betty. No, you see here, Wilma.

Well? Well?

I'm waiting for you. I'm waiting for you.

Oh, stand still, you mosquito, and let me swat you one!

[Betty] I knew we should have gone to a hotel in the first place.

[Wilma] Yes, I wish you had gone to a hotel in the first place!

That's the girls. They're fighting.

I always say, you never know people till you live with them.

Ha! You can say that again.

[laughing]

What are you laughing at? Don't you get it?

They said we'd be fighting. But look who's fighting.

[both laughing]

Hey, come on, pal. We better break it up.

Oh, yeah? That's what you say. Yeah, that's what I say.

And another thing. I think that you...! [Fred] Hi, Wilma.

[Barney] Hello, Betty.

[laughing]

[Betty] Well, what's so funny?

Yeah, what are you two clowns laughing at?

[Fred] What are we laughing at?

You tell them, Barney. I can't stand it.

No, you tell them, Fred.

You were the ones who worried about Barney and me getting along, and here you are fighting.

[laughing]

Say, what do you say we all go out and get a dino burger?

I'm with you, Fred. Lead the way.

After you, ladies.

Now, come on, pal.

Let's eat.

I'm with you, Fred, all the way.

[theme music playing]

Wilma!

Wilma!

Come on, Wilma, open this door!

Wilma!