02x12 - The Masquerade Ball

[bunniefuu]

[snoring]

Huh? [barking]

[Fred] No, Dino! No. It's me, your master.

[barking continues]

Stop it, Dino! Stop it! Heel! Heel!

[growling]

Uh-oh!

[yelping]

That crazy Dino. Come on, Barney. Let's try it out on the girls.

[horn honking]

[theme music playing]

[whistle chirps]

[siren wailing]

[whistle chirps]

[Betty humming]

Good morning, Betty. Good morning, Wilma.

Looks like you've practically finished hanging up your laundry.

Aren't you the early bird?

[squawks] She's the early bird?

What do we look like? Chopped liver? [squawks]

I sure wish I could get an early start, but you know Fred.

Yeah.

By the way, it's almost time for the boys to go to work.

Is Barney up yet?

Oh. He's been up for ages.

He's already cleaned the house, beat the rugs, and brought me my breakfast in bed.

You know, we're so much alike.

You and me? Me and Barney. That's exactly what I did.

Cleaned the house, beat the rugs, and Fred still isn't up yet.

[snoring]

Oh, well. 8:00. Here we go.

[ringing]

Yikes!

Boy, that was close. Yesterday, I didn't quite make it.

[mumbling]

Morning already? Oh, boy.

Right now, he's probably walking into the closet instead of the bathroom.

[groaning and mumbling]

[growling]

Now he should be growling at himself in the mirror.

[growling continues]

Gotta brush my teeth.

Phooey!

Any minute now, he should have a mouthful of shaving cream and screaming for his toothbrush.

[Fred] Wilma!

Your toothbrush is in the medicine chest.

Where's my tooth...?

Oh. Oh, you're very clever this morning.

He's asked that same question every morning since we've been married.

[giggles] Gets kind of monotonous, doesn't it?

[Barney humming]

Good morning, good friend and good neighbor.

Looks like a good, good, good day today.

What are you so happy about so early in the morning?

"Start the day bright and make the day right." That's my motto.

I suppose you learned that from the book you've been reading.

Yes, sirree, bub. Learn more, earn more.

[Fred] "Learn more, earn more."

Someday you'll learn it ain't what you know, it's who you know.

You eat your can of beans, Fred. I'll eat mine.

Yeah, but I'll eat mine under glass. [laughing]

You've been wasting your time reading those books.

There's only one way to get along in this world.

Uh, what's that, Fred? Mingle.

Mingle? With the upper crust.

If you hang around successful people, some of it has got to rub off on you.

Well, I mingle pretty good, Fred.

But with who? Those high-class friends of yours?

Well, they're your friends too. My ex-friends.

From now on, I only socialize with people who count.

Does that mean we ain't pals anymore, Fred?

Oh, Buddy-boy, you think I'd let my good fortune come between you and me?

You're true-blue, Fred, pal.

Remember, Barney, think big, and you'll be big.

See you after work. Right, Fred.

This is one guy who ain't gonna be no clock-watcher all his life.

No, sirree, not Fred Flintstone. That's for sure.

Uh, yes, dear. No, dear. Of course, dear. Just a minute, dear.

I've sold all but four of the tickets.

You mean, we have to pay for all I don't sell?

But they're 25 bucks apiece!

I'll just have to find a chump to take them off my hands.

Good morning, Mr. Rockhead. Huh?

[stammering] I'll call you later, dear. I just got an inspiration.

Good morning, Flintstone.

The boss talked to me.

Come here a minute, will you, Fred?

He called me by my first name. Coming, Mr. Rockhead, sir.

Fred, you, no doubt, have read about the big masquerade ball?

Yes, Mr. Rockhead.

Now, Fred, I don't want you to feel you're being pressured...

Oh, I understand, Mr. Rockhead. How much are the tickets?

If you don't want one, just say so.

That's a fair deal. How much are they?

The tickets are 25 each. I'll put you down for one.

Twenty-five? Are you kidding? How many have you got left?

Four. I'll take them all.

Wilma would like to go to a masquerade ball and, uh, I'll invite a couple of friends.

Now, you're not doing this just because you need your job and I was thinking of replacing a few men around here, are you?

Oh, ho, ho. Not at all, Mr. Rockhead.

I was just telling my pal Barney that we ought to get out and mingle more.

Well, fine. Fine.

And don't worry about the money. You won't have to pay for them all at once.

Why not? Four tickets at 25 each. Here's your buck.

Good. I'll accept this as a down payment.

And I'll deduct a little each week until the balance of 99 is paid up.

It shouldn't take more than a year or two.

Twenty-five bucks apiece? [groans]

Flintstone?

Flintstone, you better get up or I'll dock you for laying down on the job.

Stop groaning, Fred. It's over and done with and we'll make the best of it.

What are you doing with those bones?

You're right. I should save them for Dino.

[panting]

Dino? With these tickets to pay for, those bones are gonna be our dinner tomorrow.

[growling]

It's a charity affair and the money will be going to poor and needy families.

With the Flintstone family first on the list.

If you weren't such a big shot, you wouldn't have been stuck for four tickets.

Okay, so I'll just have to stick somebody else for at least two of them.

I can't think of any other big sh*ts offhand.

Ho-ho-ho.

You are very amusing.

Hey, uh, how about a little gin rummy, pal?

Not now, Barney. I got problems.

Okay. You don't have to bite my head off.

I just, uh, wanted to give you a chance to get back some of that 800,000 you owe me.

On paper, of course. Goodbye, Fred.

Now, who do I know who's chump enough to go for...

Hey, Barney. Where are you going?

Well, if you don't want to play, then you don't want to play.

No, if a fellow can't rib his best friend, who's he gonna rib?

You mean you, uh, do wanna play, Fred? Time's a-wasting, buddy-boy.

Get the cards. Right, Fred.

Barney, if I told you that I had the inside track to a couple of tickets to that fancy masquerade ball Friday night, what would you say?

Gin.

And what would you say if I told you that I could use my influence to swing a couple of tickets your way?

Your deal.

For a measly 25 apiece, you, too, could mingle in high society.

I appreciate your thinking about me, Fred.

That's the way to talk and you don't have to pay all at once.

I wouldn't mind that.

There's no backing out. You definitely want two tickets?

Sure. Your word is your bond.

That's 50 bucks you owe me.

I'll give you a check as soon as we finish playing.

I don't mind spending the money seeing it's for charity and it's deductible.

How did you know I meant 50 bucks?

Charity balls are always expensive. Any moron would know that.

Oh, yeah? Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Hm.

You look absolutely divine, Betty.

Oh, really, Wilma?

It's the costume I wore in high school, and it still fits.

Oh, and yours is positively beautiful.

It is, isn't it?

This is the outfit my grandmother wore when she was a Rockette.

"In the good old days," she used to say.

[chuckles] Oh, I'm so excited, Wilma.

You know, going to a fancy dress ball and all that.

Yeah, it is thrilling, isn't it?

I hope the boys find something at the Costumers.

Here we are. Costumers. What kind of costume are you gonna get?

Well, I'm gonna get something that makes me look tall.

How about another head? [laughs]

Another one? What do I need three of them for?

What are you gonna get, Fred? There's a false face I'd like to wear.

This outfit ought to be good for a lot of laughs.

Don't touch the merchandise.

I ain't touching the merchandise. Who said you were?

I said it. Holy smokes. It's alive.

And kicking. What's your excuse?

We certainly didn't come in here for a pound of lard.

That's for sure. You seem to have cornered the market.

Look, shorty, we want a couple of costumes.

With that face, plastic surgery is your only hope.

When do you need it? [Fred] Friday night.

Impossible.

Haven't you heard that Bedrock Society is having its annual masquerade ball that night?

And that's exactly where we're going.

Really? I thought they had enough bus boys.

For your information, smart guy, we are mingling with the Four Hundred.

Correction, Fred. That number has been changed to 404.

We've got $25 invitations.

That's the one great flaw in a democracy.

It encourages people like you to become pushy.

If you don't want our business, we'll go somewhere else.

Oh, goody. Is that a promise?

What's that supposed to mean?

It means that I, Mortimer Stoneface, am the only costumer in town.

However, I do have one costume left.

This rubber dinosaur.

How am I gonna get into that?

It's rubber, fatso. It stretches.

Why, you... Careful. I'm a monopoly.

We need two costumes.

You can be the front and your friend can be the back.

But I have in mind something that might match my personality.

Then put your friend in front and you in the back.

How about these?

I asked you not to touch the merchandise.

I thought you said that dinosaur was the last one.

The bird is my costume and the turtle is reserved for Mr. Rockhead.

Of the Cave Construction Company?

That's your boss, Fred. Yeah, and that gives me a great idea.

What's that?

Well, everybody has to keep their masks on till midnight so nobody knows who anybody else is.

You get it? Yup.

And when I see that turtle head come in, I'll know it's old Rockhead wearing it.

But he won't know I know it. You get it?

No. Look, knucklehead...

If you gentlemen, I use the term loosely, don't mind, I would like to know if you intend renting this dinosaur costume.

We'll take it.

Will you wear it, or shall I wrap it?

Never mind wrapping it. We'll wear it.

Come on, Barney.

We'll break the costume in and have a few laughs at the same time.

I can't see, Fred. You tell me when to laugh.

Quiet, quiet. There's Officer O' Shale.

We'll scare the badge off him. Watch.

[Fred growling]

Oh, hiya, Flintstone.

[Barney growling]

You, too, Rubble.

Imagine. Trick-or-treating at their age.

[Barney laughing]

All right. All right, stop laughing already. You're steaming up the costume.

How about a brontosaurus burger? I could go for a little snack.

[Barney] I'm right behind you, pal. I'm so hungry I could eat a dinosaur.

Two burgers with lots of mustard. [Barney] And relish.

Two burgers loaded, coming up.

How much? Uh, one buck even.

One buck? Why, that's robbery. If I wasn't so hungry, I wouldn't pay it.

Here. Uh, thank you.

Excuse me. I couldn't help noticing. You're a dinosaur, aren't you?

[Fred] You don't miss much, do you, pal?

Oh, I'm very observant. You know something? I don't get many dinosaurs in here.

Especially talking ones.

No wonder, with the prices you charge.

Come on, Barney. Let's go home.

Boy, we get all kinds.

[Fred] Hold it, Barney. We wanna surprise the girls.

Okay. Okay, the coast is clear. Let's go.

[Barney] Hey, do I have any other choice?

[Fred] All right, wise guy. Just be quiet.

[snoring]

Huh? [barking]

[Fred] No, Dino! No! It's me, your master.

[barking]

Stop it, Dino! Stop it! Heel! Heel!

[growling]

Uh-oh!

[yelping]

That crazy Dino. Come on, Barney. Let's try it out on the girls.

It's exciting, isn't it, Betty? I wonder what the boys are going to wear.

They're getting a kick out of surprising us.

They'll surprise me if they're ready on time.

[door opens, then Dino yelps]

Dino, what's wrong?

[whimpering]

Dino, you look as if you've seen a ghost. Oh, you're such a baby.

Let's see what scared you so much.

What could it be?

Just a minute. I'll take a look.

Ta-da! [Barney] And toodle-dee-doo!

How do you like it? You think it'll make them sit up and take notice?

More likely make them stand up and run.

Shall we go to the ball, ladies?

Where's Barney? [Barney] Hello, Betty.

Barney, how can you breathe down there?

Well, it ain't easy.

Let me open the zipper and get you out. You certainly can't drive the car in this thing.

It's stuck. [Betty] What are we going to do, Wilma?

Well, I can't drive this way.

Never mind. I'll do the driving. You two can ride in the back.

Come on. Let's go.

Okay, hup two, hup two. Get in step, Barney.

[Barney] Right, Fred. Hup two, hup two. Hup two.

To the ball, if you please.

[Barney] Yeah, and step on it. At midnight, we turn into pumpkins.

[Barney and Fred laughing]

Speak for yourself, pumpkin-head.

[Wilma] Here we are at the masquerade ball.

[Betty] Look at all the cars. It's jammed.

Now keep your eyes peeled for that turtle head.

I've got a plan that's gonna put me in solid with the boss.

Who's got the tickets? Holy smokes, I forgot them.

[Barney] I got them, right here in your back pocket. [chuckles]

Tickets, please.

You'll have to talk to the other end of this outfit.

[Barney] Here you are, Mac.

[lively music playing]

This is where I belong. Rubbing elbows with the blue bloods.

Are you dancing, my dear? Are you asking, my pet?

I'm asking. Then I'm dancing.

[giggling]

You three go ahead. I'll sit this one out.

Martha, I absolutely refuse to go in there wearing this silly turtle costume.

Why, Mr. Rockhead, why aren't you inside?

Because of this silly turtle costume you sent over.

You want me to make a fool of myself?

Why don't you two exchange heads?

[Stoneface] I beg your pardon?

Oh, I mean costume heads.

Why don't we? You look more like a turtle head to me, anyhow.

Look at him, Martha. That's how silly I would have looked.

Fred, here comes the turtle head.

Where, where? He's going out on the patio.

Oh, boy. This is my big chance.

Your new head is quite an improvement, dear.

Better than that silly-looking turtle head.

Watch where you're dancing.

If you bump me again, I'm liable to bump you right on the beak.

That's Fred Flintstone. I'd know that voice anywhere.

Now, calm yourself, dear. I won't have any embarrassing scenes.

That's the boss out there all right.

You stay over there with Betty while I go and butter up old turtle head.

Did you hear that, Martha? He thinks that's me out on the patio.

Uh, nice little party, right, sir?

I'm a lucky man to be here tonight and I owe it all to the greatest boss a guy ever had.

I wish I knew what he was wearing so I could tell him what a pleasure it is to work my fingers to the bone for him.

I'm sure he knows how many times I've worked far into the night and never put in for overtime.

I'm sure he knows that he can rely on good old Fred Flintstone.

Oops, sorry.

We're not supposed to reveal who we are until midnight.

You...

No, no, no. Don't tell me, sir. It wouldn't be fair.

I goofed, and that's that.

Well, it's been nice having this little chat with you.

Now I think I'll join the ladies and partake of some refreshments.

Good evening to you, sir.

They must have put something in the punch.

Wilma, baby, I have just put over a master stroke of psychology.

[groans] It's Mr. Costume Monopoly.

Shorty, you are responsible for the beginning of a whole new career for me.

What did he do, Fred?

[Fred] He's the guy who tipped me on what my boss was wearing tonight.

That's all.

Shorty, you might have a monopoly on costumes but if you heard me buttering up that boss of mine you'd have to admit you ain't got a monopoly on brains.

Fred, you're bothering the man.

Bothering him? That's ridiculous.

You'd have been rolling in the aisles laughing, shorty, if you heard me throwing compliments at the president of the Cave Construction Company who also is vice president of the moron section of the Bedrock Knucklehead Club.

[groans]

[Fred] Did he fall for it?

If he knew how many times I was already home having dinner by the time the 5:00 whistle blew, he'd blow his penny-pinching stack.

Fred, something tells me you've said enough.

[Barney] Yeah. Besides, it's getting hot in here. Let's go home.

[Fred] But we didn't even start to mingle yet.

[Barney] Mingle, schmingle. I've had it. Let's go home.

That costume's not fair to Barney. We ought to go home.

Betty's right, Fred. Let's go.

Okay, my mission for tonight is completed.

[barking]

[yelps]

Barney's right. It's hot in here.

I'll cut you both out as soon as we get in the house.

[panting]

[Wilma] I can't open the door. Dino must be scared again.

Wilma, hurry up. I'm suffocating.

That's nothing, Fred. You're only suffocating.

I'm only unconscious.

[Wilma] Dino! Open up, Dino!

He still thinks you two are some kind of monster.

Well, tell him it's me.

[Wilma] Dino, it's only your daddy in that suit.

[Barney] Better tell him about me, too, just so he don't get any ideas.

[Wilma] And Barney too.

You see, Dino? It's only me, your master.

[Dino barking] Dino, no, don't, Dino! No!

All right. All right already!

[Barney] Yeah, Dino, all right already, and get off of my face.

You know what I'm gonna do with that extra loot, Barney?

What extra loot, Fred?

The raise that I'm getting.

Oh. That loot.

I'm gonna reinvest it by going to every high-class affair in Bedrock.

No more bowling. No more pinochle.

It's up, up, up the ladder of success from now on.

And you are coming with me.

Well, thanks, Fred, but next time, let's get separate costumes.

I'd like to mingle with somebody else besides you.

I can hear my boss just as we pull up to the office.

"Flintstone, come in here," he'll say, and I'll go in like I don't know from nothing and listen while he sings my praises to the skies.

[Slate] Flintstone, come in here.

[Fred] What did I tell you?

[Barney] You sure hit that one on the nose.

I'm coming, boss.

Now start practicing my motto for today. "Think big and be big."

Yeah, I might do that, Fred. Think big and be big.

Think big and be big. Think big and be big.

[Slate] Cigar, Fred? Oh, thank you, sir.

Well, Fred, did you have a nice time at the ball last night?

Sensational.

My only regret is I didn't recognize you, or I'd have stopped to pay my respects.

You didn't recognize me? No.

I recognized you. You didn't.

Yes, I did.

How about that? Boss, you sure have a keen eye.

You were wearing a dinosaur costume.

That's right. You've got to be kidding.

I feel pretty silly, you knowing me and me not knowing you.

Yes, you certainly were silly.

Tell me, boss. I'm on pins and needles.

What were you wearing?

I've got it right here.

Sure, I talked to you.

We were standing at the refreshment bar and I was saying...

Oh, boy. What I was saying...

I'll refresh your memory. Quote.

"Vice president of the moron section of the Knucklehead Club."

Home having dinner before the 5:00 whistle.

Penny-pincher.

Shorty.

"Birdbrain."

You were going to bump me right on the beak, etcetera.

Well, what have you got to say for yourself?

Oh, boy. Me and my big mouth.

[theme music playing]

[yawns]

Wilma!

Wilma!

Come on, Wilma, open the door!

Wilma!