02x02 - Droop Along Flintstone

[bunniefuu]

Well, this sure burns me up, those two disappearing like this for hours.

Yeah. They're out somewhere having a ball while we sit in here looking at some cold food.

[actors whooping]

Listen. What's that?

Sounds like some kids playing cowboys and Indians.

What kids? There isn't a human within miles of this dusty old place.

Do you suppose it could be real Indians?

There hasn't been a real Indian around here for years.

[screams] What's wrong, Wilma?

Indians! And they're after Fred and Barney!

[actors whooping]

Head for that cave, Barney. We'll hide out in there.

Right, Fred.

[all whooping]

What do we do, Wilma?

We have to try and help them.

After all, we signed up for better or worse.

And this is about as worse as it could get.

[horn honking]

[whistling]

[siren wailing]

We're getting close to the town of Bedrock, Marylou Jim.

Cousin Fred Flintstone's range.

Cousin Fred will sure be surprised to see his unspeakably rich cousins, Tumbleweed.

He sure will.

I can hardly wait to see that old sidewinder. [laughing]

Hey, Pokey, rein this critter in.

Here's Cousin Fred's spread.

Uh, yes, sir. Very good, sir.

[wheels screeching]

Well, I declare. It ain't much of a spread, Tumbleweed.

I keep telling you, Marylou Jim, everyone isn't unspeakably rich like we are.

Well, lookie there!

Isn't that our Cousin Fred manicuring that tree?

It sure is, Marylou. That's the old horny-toad coyote.

Hey, Fred, you old horse thief! Look who's here!

Cousin Tumbleweed and Cousin Marylou Jim!

[Tumbleweed and Marylou Jim whooping]

Yabba-dabba-doo!

How be you, you old cayuse, you? [whooping]

[laughing]

Good grief, what's that? Sounds like the last roundup.

Oh, my goodness.

Help! Police! My husband's being att*cked!

Leave Fred alone, you brutes! You're k*lling him!

[whooping]

It's all right, Wilma.

They're my cousins. They're just glad to see me.

Cousins? Oh, I'm sorry.

What's all the commotion, Fred? You being robbed or something?

It's all right, Barney.

These are Fred's cousins. They're just glad to see him, he says.

Barney, I want you to meet Cousin Tumbleweed and Cousin Marylou Jim.

Howdy, folks.

Any friend of my Cousin Fred is a friend of mine.

Pleased to meet you, I'm sure. Likewise.

And this is my darling wife, Wilma.

She's a cute little heifer, Fred.

[Tumbleweed and Fred laugh]

[chuckles nervously]

Heifer?

Well, now I'm hungry.

Let's all go out and eat.

Wilma, honey, where's the most expensive chuck wagon in town?

Why, the Rockadero, I guess.

Then let's go. My treat.

[both whooping]

[Fred] Yabba-dabba-doo!

But I am sorry, sir.

You and your party are not dressed properly to dine here.

What's the matter with you, sonny?

Why, I've eaten beef jerky in my bathtub dressed this way.

I don't doubt it, you cow person.

I demand to see the manager.

Tumbleweed won't get anywhere with the manager.

No. They're real strict about being dressed right.

Hey, here comes Cousin Tumbleweed back with some guy.

Emil, show the new owner to the best table.

Hey, how about that? He bought the place.

Sure. He usually does.

You, dude, you're fired.

We'll find our own table. Come on, you cowpokes. Let's eat.

[whoops]

Mighty fine brontosaurus ribs my restaurant serves, eh, Cousin Fred?

The best, Cousin Tumbleweed. The best.

Now, folks, Marylou Jim and I are taking an ocean trip.

We'll probably have to buy the boat.

But for the month we'll be away, I want all of you to go out to my ranch and enjoy yourselves.

We'd feel better if our kinfolk was watching over our spread while we're away.

But, Cousin Tumbleweed...

I won't take no for an answer, else I'll cut you out of my will, Cousin Fred.

[laughing]

But what about Fred's job? And Barney's?

They can't take off for a month.

[Tumbleweed] You tell me what companies they work for.

Why, if I don't already own them, I'll buy them!

[laughing]

[car starts]

So long, Cousin Tumbleweed.

Have a good time, Marylou Jim.

Bye, folks. Now, you get out to the ranch, you hear?

[whistles]

That's a mighty big car you got there, Tumbleweed.

Big car? [snickers]

Down my way, this is one of those, uh... What do you call them?

Oh, yeah. Compacts.

[Tumbleweed and Marylou Jim whooping]

I hope they have a good time. They don't seem to have any other kind.

Well, what are we gonna do, Fred? Do? There's only one thing to do.

That's go to the ranch.

Why, we'll have a ball, huh, Barney?

Fresh air, wide-open spaces, sunshine.

And besides, I can't take the chance Cousin Tumbleweed will leave me out of his will.

We've been traveling for four days now. We should be getting close to the ranch.

Yeah, we'll be there in a few hours.

Hey, Fred, Fred, look at that sign up ahead.

[Fred] Boy, the Grand Canyon.

That's one of nature's wonders. Let's take a look.

So that's the Grand Canyon, huh? That's it.

Huh. Well, doesn't look like much to me.

[Fred] Not now. But they expect it to be a big thing someday.

Fred, if you see a nice, clean gas station, let's stop.

No wonder we can't make any time.

We spend all day looking for nice, clean gas stations, nice, clean restaurants, nice, clean motels.

After traveling all day in this dust and dirt, a nice, clean place would lock the door when they saw us coming.

There's a nice, clean gas station, Fred.

Okay, okay.

We'll stop at the nice, clean gas station and get some nice, clean gas.

Fill her up, sir? [Fred] Yeah. Make it ethyl.

Right.

Hey, bud, can we have a road map? [man] Sure.

Here you are, mister. Thank you.

Hey, Fred, let's find out where we are.

[Fred] There's Cousin Tumbleweed's place right off of Highway 6.

You know, Fred, I can always unfold these maps, but I can never get them folded up right again.

[chuckling] Yeah, yeah, I know what you mean.

Well, girls, we know exactly where we are now.

So do I. We're exactly lost again.

Lost, nothing. There's the ranch straight ahead.

Well, as Cousin Marylou Jim would say:

[whoops]

Quiet, you ornery, horned-toad varmint.

Well, there she is. The Tumbleweed Ranch.

Looks more like a tumbledown ranch to me.

Big spread, huh, Barney? Sure is, Fred.

You ought to go on a diet.

Keep asking for it, Barney. Keep asking. One of these days, you'll get it.

Get what, Fred? "Get what, Fred? Get what, Fred?"

A face full of knuckles, that's what.

Now, let's get down to the ranch and unpack.

[Barney and Fred whooping]

[Fred] Yabba-dabba-doo!

Well, it only took them 10 minutes to go all-out Western. Listen to them.

Listening to them is easy. It's looking at them that's hard to take.

Look at me, Fred. I'm a cowboy! You sure got the legs for it, Tex.

[laughing]

Hey, Wilma!

Droop Along Flintstone is calling, Wilma.

Ten to one, it's something about food.

Hey, Wilma, why don't you rustle up some grub, honey?

Barney and I are going down to the corral and bust a bronc or two before lunch.

I never saw it to fail.

Whenever I go anyplace or any so-called vacation, I always end up being home on the range.

Well, partner, there they are. Yeah, Fred.

There they are, and here we are. And I'm all for keeping it that way.

But I told the girls we were gonna bust a bronc.

[Barney] I got a deal going with those broncs. They don't bust me, I don't bust them.

What's the matter, Barney? You chicken?

Well, uh, let's put it this way, Fred:

[cawing]

Oh, knock it off.

You're gonna bust a bronc if it's the last thing I do.

Now, get up on this one, Barney. He's a quiet one.

Okay, Fred. I busted him. Now get me off!

He ain't busted yet! Give him the spurs.

All right, Fred.

[bronc yelps]

No, Barney! Watch it, watch it!

Gee, thanks, Fred. Lucky for me, you broke my fall.

You're lucky I don't break your neck. Now get off my back!

I told you we'd bust a bronco, Barney.

We almost busted this one just by sitting on him.

So we start small and work up.

Give him the spurs, Barney. We're going too slow.

Okay, Fred. Giddyup!

[Fred] Hey!

Not so fast, Barney! Slow down! Slow down!

Yoo-hoo.

Betty, lunch is ready. Will you call the boys?

Okay, Wilma.

[playing tune]

Come and get it!

[Fred] Do something, Barney! Do something!

[Barney yelling]

Pull back on the reins! Pull back on the reins!

Fine thing!

I fix lunch for them, and they go off riding.

Some nerve. All they think of is having a good time.

Hey, Fred, I've got an idea. Yeah? What is it?

You hold the reins for a while.

[Fred screaming]

You all right, Barney? Yeah, Fred. How about you?

Not bad, considering we must have fell 100 feet.

Well, we're lucky for one thing, Fred.

Yeah? What's that? We're lucky we landed in soft water.

[chuckling]

Ha-ha.

Go soak your head!

Boy, there's more west out here than I ever thought possible.

Hey, Fred, I have a good idea.

What's that, Barney? I have a good idea we're lost.

I had that idea an hour ago when we discovered we were walking in circles.

Hey, Fred, look. A town. Huh? Where?

Oh, boy, what a sight for my sore eyes!

And my sore feet.

First thing I'm gonna do is get me a double-chocolate soda.

Make mine vanilla, Fred. [chuckling]

There's something spooky about this place, Barney.

Not a soul around.

Must be one of those old ghost towns, Fred.

Yeah. Yeah, the West is full of them.

Let's take a look in that saloon, Barn.

If anybody's around here, they'd be in there.

Right, Fred.

[Fred] Hello! Anybody home?

It's as empty as the rest of the town.

Sort of gives you the creeps, huh, Fred? Uh-huh.

Looks like people were here just an hour ago.

I don't know about you, Fred, but I'm bushed.

What do you say we take a rest?

I was gonna suggest the same thing, Barney.

We can take a nap on those cots in the back room before we start hiking again.

Sounds good to me, Fred.

What's the schedule on this one, Chuck? We gotta sh**t fast, boss.

We only have the ghost town rented for three hours.

You got enough Indians for the big scene? Yeah, and plenty of good guys.

But I'm short a couple of bad guys.

No one wants to play the bad guys.

Well, I don't blame them, you know?

The bad guys always take an awful clobbering.

We're pulling into the ghost town now, boss.

Oh, good, good. We'll start sh**ting right away.

Ah, come on, fellas.

You can't all be good guys. Somebody's got to wear the black hats.

How about you, Pebble?

Not me, boss. Last time I was the bad guy, I got two teeth knocked out.

[director] Aw, it's a shame.

All right, all right, we'll sh**t around the bad guys.

Hey, you Indians, take a break but keep those feathers clean.

We're gonna sh**t the barroom fight first.

Some Indians. I got them from the audience at an all-night movie.

Okay, you guys.

We gotta sh**t four episodes in three hours.

So give it all you got. No time for retakes.

But, boss, they're all wearing white hats. They're all good guys.

I know, I know.

So the good guys have a fight.

I mean, what's the difference so long as there's a fight?

Okay. Roll them. Action.

[crashing noises] [actors yelling]

Barney, wake up. There's somebody here.

Looks like they're having a party, Fred.

Yeah. These cowboys live hard and play hard.

Let's ask them how to get back to the ranch.

Pardon me, fellas.

Now, hold it just a minute, will you, fellas?

I wonder if you could direct me to the Tumbleweed ranch.

Hey, mister.

Excuse me, mister, uh, but my friend and I are lost, see?

And I want to ask you...

Who are those two guys, Chuck? Search me, boss.

Shall we sh**t the scene over? Are you out of your mind?

We'll write them into the script. Take this down, Chuck.

Two strangers enter, try to break up fight, get knocked cold.

[director laughs]

We don't sh**t scenes over on our low budget, you know?

Hey, boss, you wanna hear something funny?

Those two guys finally come out of it, and they're scared stiff.

They think this whole setup is real. They don't know we're just sh**ting a picture.

Ain't that a scream? [laughs]

[laughs]

Say, say, that gives me an idea.

Yeah, yeah, it will work.

How's that, boss? We found our bad guys.

Get the two black hats, quick.

So you're the two bushwhackers that tried to break up our party, eh?

Well, you see, I... Shut up!

I'm the sheriff in this town and what I say goes.

Sure, Mr. Sheriff. Whatever you say goes.

And I say, put on those black hats.

Well, if you insist, okay, but I don't get it.

Sounds kind of screwy to me, sheriff.

Now, you coyotes better vamoose before the boys decide to have a lynching party.

All right. Huh? Who? What do you mean?

They don't take kindly to having their fun interrupted.

And if I were you, I'd beat it.

But you'll have to get through those cowpokes.

[all snarling]

Well, Barney, it's either them or us. If we stay, we might get lynched.

Yeah, Fred, how can we explain that to the girls?

You ready, Barney? Ready, Fred.

Charge!

[crashing noises]

It worked, boss.

Boy, and how! Keep those cameras rolling.

You were great, fellas. Now beat it quick.

Thanks, sheriff.

Let's get out of here, Barney, before these screwballs come to.

Get the cameras outside, Chuck.

I told the Indians to jump those two when they got out of town.

Oh, we'll get some great chase footage.

Boss, you're a genius.

Okay, Barney. We're safe now.

There ain't nobody around for miles.

It's a good thing, Fred. I was getting awful bushed.

What was that, Fred?

That, Barney, is an arrow, used for hunting by...

[all whooping]

Indians. Indians?

Boy, what a nifty chase!

Are you getting it all, Chester?

Yeah, the zoom lens brings it right up close.

Well, this sure burns me up, those two disappearing like this for hours.

Yeah, they're out somewhere having a ball while we sit in here looking at some cold food.

[actors whooping]

Betty, listen. What's that?

Sounds like some kids playing cowboys and Indians.

What kids? There isn't a human within miles of this dusty, old place.

Do you suppose it could be real Indians? Not a chance.

There hasn't been a real Indian around here for years.

[screams] What's wrong, Wilma?

Indians! And they're after Fred and Barney!

What do we do, Wilma? We have to try and help them.

After all, we signed up for better or worse.

And this is about as worse as it could get.

We must have lost them, Fred. I don't hear them hollering anymore.

Good. Head for that cave, Barney. We'll hide out in there.

Right, Fred.

[all whooping]

Any sign of them, Betty? I don't see a soul, Wilma.

Poor Fred. He was starting to worry about his hair falling out.

Imagine how he feels now.

Yeah, knowing that those Indians could make him instant bald.

Keep looking, Betty. They've got to be out here somewhere.

The Indians got them. Good, good. Are you getting this, Chester?

Uh-huh. Look at that, boss. They're tying them to a stake!

Now they're going into a w*r dance.

[all whooping]

Say, they're not bad dancers, considering they came from an all-night movie theater.

Do you think we'll get out of this one, Barney?

I don't think so, pal. It looks bad.

Are you sure? I'm sure, Fred.

Well, then, here's the 10 bucks I borrowed from you two years ago.

Gee, Fred. To have you pay up makes this almost worthwhile.

Wilma, the Indians!

And they have our husbands tied to a stake!

Oh, some nerve. Let's go, Wilma!

[whistles]

[both] Charge!

Hey, boss, those two women in that car are gonna spoil the shot!

Keep sh**ting! Ha-ha!

It must be their wives.

They're getting out of the car. They're attacking the Indians.

Wow!

Oh, this is great! The Indians are running away!

We got an adult Western going here!

[whooping]

Honest, lady! We were only kidding!

Gee, they never told me about this in acting school.

That's it, Chester. We got enough for 10 shows.

Wrap it up. Everybody back to Hollyrock.

Aw, come on, Wilma. Be reasonable. We walked for five miles, and we're beat.

Yeah, how about letting us ride in the car with you, huh, girls?

We told you before, there's no room in the car for those poles.

You're not getting loose until we get back to the ranch.

For the first time today, we'll know where you are.

[both singing] ♪ Giddyup, giddyup ♪

♪ Giddyup, old maid ♪

[Barney and Fred whooping]

Oh, brother. A solid month of cowboy songs.

We must have been out of our minds, letting Fred talk us into coming out here.

Maybe we could give them back to the Indians.

If the Indians hear them sing, they won't take them back.

[horn honking]

[yells]

Put the pot on the fire, girls. We're back!

[whooping]

It's Cousin Tumblebug.

Tumbleweed, not bug. What's the difference?

They're back and that means we can leave. Let's go, Wilma.

Start packing, boys. We're going home.

Wow!

There they go, the ungrateful varmints. They never even said a thank-you.

I told you, Tumbleweed.

You just can't do enough for poor relations.

All that crazy talk about wild Indians. [exclaims]

There ain't been an Indian around here for 50 years!

[all whooping]

Boy, ha-ha, look at that man and woman run.

They're leaving the Indians way behind.

Keep sh**ting, Chester! We got another good one going.

Well, I didn't think Cousin Tumbleweed would ever get that mad.

How mad, Fred?

That he'd pass right by and never even say, "Hello."

[all laughing]

[theme music playing]

[TV clicks off]

[yawns]

Wilma!

Wilma!

Come on, Wilma, open this door!

Wilma!