Let us remember Bert Ljung with joy.
Bert was cute.
But now he's dead.
Child-Bert, that is.
A new Bert has been born.
A Bert who is not afraid of anything.
High school-Bert.
High school-Bert rules.
He is the funniest, most charming, coolest.
He has the coolest friends.
And the coolest girl ...
Who's cool enough to hangout with-
- King Bert of Öreskoga?
I have to find her ...
But it's only eight o'clock.
Bert Ljung!
It's already eight o'clock!
-Well.
-The bus leaves in 24 minutes.
I'm leaving now.
Rise and shine!
What do you want, yo?
I want love and respect, someone who
knows what to do when the lights go out
How's he supposed to be, yo?
He should be passionate, caring
What a woman wants - a real man
Bert!
-Hi Grandma. I am in a bit of a hurry.
-Come. Put out your hand.
I have a good luck gift for you.
-What can it be?
-Hmmm ... maybe at oatmeal ball?
-Have a good one. Take care of yourself.
-Thank you, Grandma.
Never get on that bus, okay?
-What are you doing?
-That's the bus to Silence.
People go there to become silent monks.
They live in celibacy, in solitude.
Without wifi and computer.
-Can you imagine a life without the internet?
-I can 't even have a computer in my room.
Your screen-time dictator mother is
ruining your future. Here she comes.
You got this kids!
First day...
Do all of them go to high school?
Sevens, eights, nines.
It's a whole new world, Bert.
I keep the dream alive,
plan my steps
In life's relay,
want a first class ticket
Do the right thing, drive phat,
drink whiskey with a malt label
Little Erik ...!
-What a sharp dresser. Wow!
-Thanks.
-What is he wearing...?
-Oh no!
Cut it out. In this bus
we are kind to each other.
-You said that everyone wears a tuxedo in high school.
-It was a joke.
How was I supposed to know if
if you didn't use a smiley?
How did you find a tuxedo in your size?
It's one from a chimpanzee, the
kind you see on postcards.
Hell! Monkey power to hell.
Look, it's Yogurt-Leila!
Oh my God!
Sit down on this bus!
Put your butts in those seats.
Thank you very much.
Thanks!
Who is Yoghurt-Leila?
No clue.
It's probably someone on an advertisement ...
Seriously, you don't know
who Yogurt-Leila is?
-No.
-No.
One: She's great at basketball.
Two: She's in the yogurt commercial.
Three: She's easily the school's
most popular girl.
Everyone is in love with her.
And by that I mean everyone. Guys ...
-... girls ...
-... sevens ...
I'm not in love with her.
That's just because you
haven't seen her.
Yes, good morning ...
Why are parents so weird
about starting high school?
-My dad gave me this.
-What is it?
- It's a balloon, Erik.
- My dad gave me this.
-In case something unpleasant happens.
-But what if it happens under water?
-What? Are we going to be under water?
- That was another joke.
This is not a balloon,
it's a condom.
Do you think we can see
that Yogurt-Leila today?
He's coming ...
Hey girls.
Are you going to the Lynx premiere?
- I have extra tickets ...
- No, thank you.
Like I really give a sh*t.
-Bert butt!
-Well buddy, Klimpfimp ...
Shut up.
Lynx, Lynx, Lynx...
Nicely postered.
-It looks really good, poster boy.
-Thanks.
-Could I get paid?
-We should probably be able to arrange that.
Ten...?
I thought I was getting five hundred.
My father got five hundred.
He outsourced the job to me,
and I then outsourced to you.
You understand that there will be
less money then.
You and your dad get 490
and I get ten?
Welcome to capitalism, Bert.
Pleasure doing business with you.
So...
A warm welcome to Hogwarts School
of Wizardry and Witchcraft.
My name is Natasha and I am your teacher.
I am Obi-Wan and will always
be your teacher, Anakin.
Some of you already know each other
from before and others do not.
But now you are a class.
And it feels great.
I look forward to
getting to know you all.
-He will never be fully trained.
-Okay. Hello!
Name?
-Erik.
-I am not talking to you.
But why are you wearing a tuxedo?
You look ridiculous in a tuxedo by the way. Okay...
I was just kidding.
It's ok to have fun ...
I think it's really cool.
But what's the deal with the whistle?
In case something unpleasant should happen.
... you can dress how you want.
What is the difference between guzz and gäri?
Gäri is more like a girlfriend ...
And guzz is just a good looking girl.
-Excuse me. Hello!
-Hello Hello.
Would I be able to get this without coriander?
Of course, my little friend.
-What's your name?
-Bert.
I'll find a pair of tweezers and
remove every little coriander leaf.
No problem.
And then I will contact the
Minister of Education as well and say:
"Why should we have food
that the children do not like?"
And even better,
I'll call India right away.
"Hello, is this India?
Stop growing coriander."
"Bert does not like it."
"Burn the fields, salt the earth,
let the peasants move to the big city."
"Leave coriander life behind."
This I will say. It's gonna be good, right?
It's not that important ...
-I still do not understand.
-How can anyone like coriander?
You're a freak!
Respect to you, bro.
-What?
-It's genetic. You have inherited freak genes.
Probably from my dad.
But soon you will be able to replace
all the bad genes.
For example, you will
be able to grow three meters tall.
And if you want, you can have a brain as big
as a bowling ball. I want that.
A brain as big as a bowling ball.
That sounds really practical.
Huh?
-In other words...
Was that a joke or was it ...?
-Hey, what's going on?
-I do not know.
Well, something is.
Excuse me, what's going on?
-9B has lunch at 12.
-What's up with that?
It's Leila's class.
This is Leila's world
You're just a guest
There is no point in sending ...
...a friend request
This is Leila's world
Yoghurt
Leila, Leila, Leila
This is Leila's world
Leila, Leila, Leila Leila's world
Hello?
Bert, hello! You went somewhere away
from me and Erik.
She's coming now.
-Yogurt ...
-Which one of them is Leila?
If you think she's so exciting,
go and talk to her.
Just settle down, okay?
You can not go up to a nine.
What's the worst that could happen?
That he is m*rder*d on the way there.
Has Bert become a coward?
Nice one, Klimpen!
Forgot to tie the your baby shoes ...
Bertil-butt?
Are you alright?
I'm OK, thanks for asking.
You can let go now.
As you know, well, many of you at least,
we have a tradition here at school ...
... to inaugurate the semester
with a theme day - Öre School's School Day .
It's this Friday. This year's theme ...
... is jeans.
It was Stefan, the woodcraft teacher,
who came up with it.
We'll all get through it, though ...
And then we all know, too-
-that they must designate next year's theme.
It so happens that everyone ...
You...? Can a girl from the ninth
be with a boy from the seventh?
Yes of course.
You've seen Twilight, haven't you?
You can be 2,000 years old
and be with a 17-year-old.
How come you know so much about everything?
I spend a lot of time on-line
... and good suggestions
that help me win.
Or we ... you win.
And it shouldn't be that difficult.
To come up with something at least as good,
if not better than, jeans.
Okay? I'll split you into pairs.
Starting with Panis,
you can be with Otto.
Johan and Malva.
Leila, you can join ...
-My name is Amira.
-Yes, sorry.
I was thinking about your sister,
I have her in Social Studies.
That is Leila's sister.
-Amira, can be with ...
-I can be with Amira.
Well, then we have another pair.
Jack, you can join ...
Do you have any ideas, Klimpen?
Put him down Klimpen!
You want to do Pokemon day, don't you?
What, do you want? To do a bitcoin day?
Wait, do you know about bitcoins?
Excuse me ... Amira, you have to
go to the principal's office.
It's just a little paperwork
because you're new to the class.
-Okay, but what about our project?
-We can work tonight.
Okay, That's cool. Good.
- Where are we going to work?
-At your place?
-No, at yours.
Why not at yours?
I prefer not to.
Dad is ...
... stomach sick.
It's not really possible to go there.
-So it might be better at yours.
-OK, we can work at mine.
-Should we say at six?
-That sounds great.
-I live on Barrstigen 16.
-Sounds great.
-Bye. See you later.
-Yes we will.
How nice that you're so excited
about your project, Bert.
Yes. Super excited!
First day of high school completed.
A very good day. Four plus.
It would have been five
if it were not for ...
... Klimpen.
But if it were not for Klimpen,
she would not have taken my hand ...
Leila. sh*t, how beautiful she is!
And tonight I'm going to her house,
or to Amira's.
But Leila will be there.
And I will be a legend.
The seven who had Yoghurt-Leila.
- Bert! Food is ready.
-Yes I am coming.
With all the familial MCs at the table
it's time to terminate our pact ...
I thought we could do something
just you and I, father and son.
-Maybe we could play paddle tennis.
-Paddle tennis?
Yes, you know, the new game
that Zlatan plays?
-Or rollerblading might be fun too.
-But I have no rollerblades.
No, of course.
But coul I borrow
some cologne from you?
Cologne? Oh...
-Is there anything you want to tell me?
-That I want to smell good.
I was wondering if there is something you want to
talk to me and mom about?
No.
No. Because you know, when I was young ...
Are you talking about girls?
High school ....
was so confusing.
Why does hair grow in new places?
Who has had menstruation.
Who has lost their virginity?
And then one day you see Gudrun Schyman
giving birth to a child, right up in ...
-She became a politician you know ...
-How is the choir doing?
-When are you going to have a concert?
-It's funny you should ask.
It's this weekend, part of our mini-tour.
So that I know ...? When are you leaving?
Friday.
-Friday afternoon.
-Ok.
-So it will be ... you and me.
-Thanks for the food.
-I'm borrowing some cologne from you.
-You're welcome.
But you, we've made dessert, too ...,
rosehip soup and almond biscuits.
I have to go to a friend's to study.
Bye.
To a friend's to study?
Sex und cohabitation ...?
Hi. Bert...
Well! Bert.
The dining room?
Hi.
Oh, cologne ...
-What? I always wear cologne.
-Not at school.
I never wear colonge before six o'clock.
Ok.
This is the kitchen.
That's my dad.
Ah, Bert! Welcome.
My name is Faroukh.
I'm Amira's dad.
I understand that you are going to make
suggestions for a theme day?
-Yes exactly!
-I have a suggestion for you.
Ear Day.
Did you know that we have a complete
PA system inside the ear.
The middle ear is like a stereo amplifier
but with three small legs:
the maleus, incus and stapes.
Or...
... The Ear School Day.
-Come ...
-Do you get it?
-Oreskoga - Ear school?
-We can think about it.
No, we can not.
-Can you guess what my dad does for work?
-A Doctor maybe?
Nope.
He works as a professional nerd.
I heard that.
There's the bathroom. At the far end is my room
and there is my sister's room.
That's Leila's room.
This is the living room.
Wow! sh*t, what a TV.
Dad's environmental thinking does not apply to technology.
Check this out.
-Wow, we have to watch something.
-Have you seen the trailer for the Lynx movie?
Mälardalen 2039.
Stockholm is expanding.
Swallowing everything in its path.
- Soon everything here will be city.
- But what about biological diversity, then?
No danger. Your animal friends
will live on. As holograms.
You'll have to k*ll me first.
How can he move so fast?
You can't make an omelette
without breaking some eggs.
What kind of beast are you?
I'm not a beast.
I'm a lynx!
I love Lynx.
-You should have been a lynx.
-Yes.
-Can't we suggest a superhero day?
-That's a great idea.
-Dress like superheroes.
-Do good deeds.
-Help old people to cross the street ...
-Exactly.
Cheers for Superhero Day!
-Bowl.
But now I have to go to the toilet ...
... to pee.
No, Bert.
A diary is a very private thing.
You know that and you have to respect that.
Read the diary, Bert.
No one has d*ed from reading a little diary .
Do you want to remain with grandma
or do you want a nice girl?
Time to put on your reading glasses
and read that diary.
Are you a man or a mouse?
- Leila! How did it go?
- Fine.
Fine? Why not great?
What's wrong darling?
-Why can't I get an allowance?
-We've talked about this.
-Why do you need to eat out?
-But everyone else eats out after training.
There is food at home.
I work hard every day ...
-Hello, wait. Bert is in there.
-Who the hell is Bert?
- My friend.
- But it's unlocked, isn't it?
He must have forgotten to lock it.
Hello?
Bert?
Bert, are you in there?
-Bert, are you okay?
-Now I'm worried about him.
We are opening the door, Bert!
-Bert?
-He said he was going to the bathroom.
Bert, where are you?
Hey, I think I found him.
-Hi.
-You're in my bed?
I know. I was going to the bathroom ...
... and then I felt sick
so I laid down in a bed
-Seriously?
-I probably should go home now.
But let me examine you.
-Open. Stick out your tongue.
-I'm just very tired.
-I probably just need to go home.
-I can give you a ride?
No, I get sick very easily. Bye.
-It was so awful - cringe.
- "Crainge."
-Huh?
-It is pronounced like this, "crainge."
What the hell was I thinking?
That a girl in the ninth grade
would like to be with a boy in the seventh grade?
You said yourself that you saw
her diary, right?
And.
What do you write down in a diary?
Well, your innermost desires
and deepest secrets.
It's like a manual
to someone's heart.
All you have to do
is read the manual.
Maybe you and Amira should work
a little more on that school project.
Isn't that kinf of shitty in a way?
Bert, you can't make an omelette
without breaking some eggs.
Hey!
-Do you want to work a little more on our project?
-But we decided on Superhero Day, didn't we?
But maybe we can practice a little
on the performance, as well?
-On our lunch break?
-Sorry, I have an appointment
-With whom?
-The principal ...
Okay, we can work after school.
Is it possible to work at your place?
-Okay. I'm going to class now.
-Phat. Nice! Yes!
- Do you want a snack?
-Yes please!
You can wait in the living room.
I'm just going to go and "powder my nose."
Okay. I'm down.
Damn! ...
Huh! Your dad's diploma, very nice.
And with the pizza,
we will drink a well-aged Fanta.
Åh, a Fanta. Magnificent!
It is made from the finest chemicals.
-French accent? ...
-(Speaking French) Frances!
.
- I am home!
-Leila usually comes a little later.
What? No, huh?
Pow!
-Lynx ... that means "lokatt (swedish word for lynx)"
-You will never defeat me!
Damn good.
Yeah, we're awesome!
But one thing I've been thinking about.
I kind of want to do a leaping kick.
You know like a tornado.
One somersault. I kind of want to do a somersault
and land in a fighting pose. If only...
"I'm not a beast.
I'm a lynx."
In other words ...
-If you do that, we will win.
-No.
-Seriously.
-Amira? Bert? Raw food!
-Are you still hungry?
-Mega hungry.
But maybe you could suggest
a raw food day instead? It's healthy.
And modern.
Not only modern but trendy.
Here you go.
-Will there be anyone else?
-No, Leila is training.
I was thinking more of someone ... like
your wife, or something.
You're thinking of Amira's mother?
No, Fatumeh does not live here.
We are divorced.
-I do not think Bert cares.
-We were simply not in love.
And if you are not in love,
you should not be married.
-We were probably never really in love.
-Why did you get married then?
It was our parents who arranged it.
You know, the family and so on ...
They thought they knew best.
But let me tell you, Bert ...
When it comes to your heart ...
you know best yourself.
Will you and Mom decide
who I will marry?
Of course not.
You can marry whomever you want.
As long as it's not Bert.
We're only doing this school project ...
I'm kidding.
Of course you are getting married.
Look how cute you are together. Come here.
Come on. Give her the ring!
I want to see it on her finger.
So, come on.
I hereby declare you husband and wife.
When do I get grandchildren?
-Dad ...
- Whup!
Oh! That was a quick divorce.
So much for those grandchildren.
Hey! Sit down!
Hi, Bert.
-Do you feel better today?
-Absolutely, much better.
-It's raw food.
-I'm going out to eat with Emma.
You should taste it, it's great.
Super good!
Thanks, Bert! But take it easy,
don't eat it too fast.
Raw food can cause flatulence.
Gas.
I'm just going to ... I'll be back soon.
Poor guy.
Sorry!
- Oh my God!
- Leila, what is it?
I'm going to Emma's. Bye!
I have to move to India.
I have to take my own life.
I might have to move to that
Silence place that Åke was talking about.
Or, maybe a great disguise ...
"A diary is a very private thing,
you know that."
"Do you want to be with grandma
or do you want a nice girl?"
I have to get in.
Damn ...
I'm almost done.
Just need to brush my teeth.
Washing my hands!
I really have to
get in now! Bert!
-Just a minute ...
-Come on now. Hurry up!
-Very soon, okay.
- Bert!
Excuse me...!
You could have flushed!
-Hello, shouldn't we continue practicing?
-Grandma called ...
She can't find a trunk
so I really have to get over there.
-See you later. Bye!
-Bye.
Hello diary! Leila saw my penis today.
It was so "crainge."
But it was still worth it,
because it led me straight to the manual.
Her diary.
Now as I read
it, completely new emotions come.
So, she can be an assh*le at times,
but she's super smart and funny, too.
And she's a freak, just like me.
She also thinks
that coriander tastes like soap.
"How does that even happen,
hiding in someone else's bed?"
"So sick."
Bert, I found my inline skates!
"Sure, Bert's a jerk."
"But at the same time he can be charming."
She likes me! I knew it!
We fit together.
I mean, just that we both
write diaries. What are the odds?
"If I could go to the Lynx premiere"
"I would be
the happiest girl on earth."
"... But of course it's impossible."
- Well, spill.
-Hi, now I know what Leila wants.
She wants to go to the Lynx premiere.
Then she would be the happiest girl on earth.
-But the Lynx premiere is sold out.
- I know, but there must be some way.
I heard that Klimpen's dad
has a bunch for sale.
-Huh? Has he?
- For a thousand bucks each.
Yeah well I do not have a thousand bucks.
You could sell your body
for medical research.
- My uncle did, he got 30,000.
- No, thank you.
But wait ...
I was at the cinema last week.
And.
Bert, look!
-Pettson and Findus?
-Yes, Grandma wanted to see it. Okay?
Grandma and I go to Bristol
at least once a week.
And I have noticed
a critical weak point in their system.
- Will the code really work?
-Relax, Bert-man.
They have no scanner.
They rip the tickets,
old school.
Grandma loves it.
Perfect!
-Yes, he's pretty cute.
-Yes.
Typing ...
Who's Bert?
Who?
The Lynx premiere?
-Oh my God! How the hell did he fix that?
-No clue.
I HAVE TWO TICKETS.
DO YOU WANT TO GO.
YES! SEE YOU OUTSIDE THE THEATER.
K-R-A-M. So, she wants my body ...
... to be pressed against hers.
Hey!
And a hug can lead to ... a kiss.
And kissing can lead to ...
-Åke, in the middle of a raid.
-Bert, in the middle of a crisis.
I need your balloon.
2001. Doesn't that
mean it has expired?
No. They just write that
so that you will believe you have to ...
Hey!
-Yes!
-Yes!
-Check what a nice suit I made.
-Yes, it's phat.
Yes, superhero day of course!
-Yes.
-We have our presentation now. Come on.
-Good morning!
-Good morning.
Take off your hat and sit down, Thora.
This is my hair.
Fine.
Okay. Then let's start ...
... with the presentations
of the proposals for the theme day.
-We would like to present ...
-Korea Day.
-A day when Öreskoga becomes little Korea.
-You eat kimchi and bimbap.
We fill the hockey hall
and give everyone signs.
K-pop is played in the streets.
When people hold up the signs-
-we see that it forms a picture
of our great principal ...
... Åke Ringvall.
Huh? Did you add that yourself?
We imagine a day
with synchronized parades.
Strict dress and hairstyle code.
These are the only approved hairstyles.
You are only showing pictures of North Korea.
It's going to be South Korea.
You should have pink hair, blue, green ...
-If you want to end up in a labor camp.
-We agreed.
-No, this is a dictatorship.
-Thanks!
-Democracy no longer works.
-It certainly does!
-This is 2020 ...
-Thank you!
-Thank you for this amazing talk.
-That was damn scary.
-Go and sit down.
-I had it under control!
-No, you did not have it at all.
-Thanks.
So. Good. Then we only have one pair left.
Bert and Amira. Go ahead.
- Are we really going to do this?
-You got this. You're a lynx, okay?
Amira and I decided to present
Superhero Day and do a demonstration.
A day when you dress up as
superheroes and do good deeds.
Pow!
I'm Bertro.
I'm here to ruin the climate.
What kind of beast are you?
I'm not a beast.
I'm a lynx.
Lynx...
That means lokatt.
Good. Thanks. Take your seats.
Well fought. It was amazing. That was fun ...
Thank you for your contributions, everyone.
Bert and Amira, you win.
And you mentioned the climate, that was good.
The rest of you might have thought a little about that.
So an F to the others.
You have to work harder next time.
I can't believe we won.
It's totally sick.
-We have to celebrate.
-Of course we will celebrate!
-Tonight?
-No ...
I'm going to a family dinner.
It's the whole family.
My uncle, he kind of lives in Japan.
He is a game developer.
He's coming too.
-So ...
-Okay, but we can hang out later, right?
No, I forgot ...
I have to help Little-Erik with something.
He's started puberty.
So he's seeing a doctor and stuff.
So...
-Okay. Bye ...
-Bye.
"HUG."
Hey, Bert!
Should we go in?
What the hell is Bert doing here?
I'm just going to go in
and see Lynx together with Yoghurt-Leila.
Bullshit!
Leila, would you like a heart?
-No thanks.
-Yogurt-Leila?
And a big popcorn.
You got it, a big popcorn.
-Sure you do not want anything?
-I'm sure.
Okay, this is fine.
Thanks so much.
-Snatched.
-Give it back, Klimpen.
What do we have here then?
Is it money?
Can you pay with this?
Can you do that?
It's Åke's.
This is our first date
so I don't have high expectations.
It was more like ...
Not like that would ever happen ...
But it's good to protect yourself.
That's very important.
So you do not get AIDS ...
-Excuse me?
-I do not mean that you have AIDS.
It could just as easily be me who has AIDS.
Just drop it.
-You're half way in already ...
-Give it back.
Wait, Leila.
Hold it as still as you can.
No zoom, no fuss.
-Get the whole picture.
-Yes, you already said that.
-Drop that attitude, Klimpis.
-Dad, I've seen a camera before.
-You really don't want any?
-No thanks.
-Don't you just tear them in two?
-No.
Double premiere. Testing the new scanner.
Go ahead, go inside.
Welcome.
-Should we just skip the movie?
-Huh?
You more or less have a cinema at home.
-Sorry, tickets please.
-Yes, just one thing.
Maybe you could not scan them
but could tear them instead?
Why?
Oi.
It's our first date, you know ...
We want to "keep it old school."
Know what I mean?
Okay then.
-You are welcome.
-Thanks! Ladies first.
Hey, excuse me!
Hello again.
This is not legit.
Can you define "legit?"
Leila, you can come with me.
I have an extra ticket.
-No thanks, Klimpen.
-Sorry, but I want to see the movie.
What just happened?
Is Leila now with me instead?
-Where did you get your ticket from?
-I got mine from Bert.
Wait! Excuse me!
I need backup in the lobby.
I'm not a monster.
I'm a lynx.
Is he alive?
Did you make these?
-Sorry. I know nothing ...
-Your girlfriend, is she in on this?
-No.
-Truly?
Yes it's true.
And no, she's not my girlfriend.
-But you were on your first date?
-Well ...
It's complicated, I guess.
Well, tell me.
I'm in love with her
but she's behaving so f*cking weird.
She writes
that she thinks I'm charming but ...
... once we meet, it's just ...
- Does she not know that you are in love with her?
-Yes, she must have understood.
But she went in with the other guy,
a little spiteful, perhaps.
Do you know what I think.
It seems like she's sh1tting on you
and trampling on your emotions.
Yes, so ...
You have to talk to her.
My plan was a little more like
going to Silence and becoming celibate.
-Pull yourself together! What's your name?
-Bert.
-Bert what?
-Bert Ljung.
Listen carefully now, Bert Ljung.
Fear consumes the soul.
It devours it.
This looks damn good.
-Leilish, what are you going to do now?
-I am going home.
-Home?
-Come now. Don't even think about it.
-Was the film good?
-God you scared me.
You may have forgotten but I was the one
who invited you to the Lynx premiere.
Yes, with fake tickets.
-Which I faked for you.
-Whatever.
If you go on like this. I
might not want to be with you.
You do not even seem to like Lynx.
You were going to be the
"happiest girl on earth."
I think the actor looks good
-No, you love Lynx and hate coriander.
-Huh? No, I don't.
I like coriander.
-No you don't.
-Yes I do.
Oh Christ! Look, you have
written it in your diary:
"I have to admit he's
quite charming." Thanks for that.
Then it says here: "I hate
coriander, it tastes like soap."
OK, so Bert ...
First of all, do not keep a diary.
-Yes.
-No.
I've seen it on your bed.
Striped in lots of colors, and glitter.
That's my play book.
I use it for basketball.
But Amira has a diary
that looks exactly the same as mine.
So you read Amira's diary?
-No I have not. Huh?
-You read my sister's diary, Bert.
-No I haven't
-But you f*cking took a picture of it.
That's not okay! Don't you understand?
If there's anyone you like.
it must be Amira?
You've read her diary.
She's the one who hates coriander.
Do not try to look for it
because then it hides in a corner
"She's super smart and funny."
Not worth shouting
Because then it won't answer.
"He's very charming."
So before you even start longing
"And she's a freak,
just like me."
then it's up to you, just wait
Bert! Don't you get it?
Goodbye, Bert!
It roars just like a forest fire
Flows like a waterfall
Oh, it tosses wilder than the sea
And drives you crazy.
Suddenly it is the greatest thing there is.
It caresses like a summer breeze
And lifts like a morning mist
It wakes you like a bird's song
after a summer shower.
The Beast of Love
Hey, old man!
Awesome news.
I'm in love!
I thought I was in love with Leila
but I am in love with Amira.
The most beautiful name in the world, Amira.
I should have known.
But wait a minute ...
Why am I sitting here?
I have to tell her. Now!
Oh my God! Okay, now!
Roaring like a forest fire
Bert?
Flowing like a waterfall
Oh, it tosses wilder than the sea
It drives you crazy.
Suddenly it is the greatest thing there is.
Caresses like a summer breeze
And lifts like a morning mist
Wakes you up like a bird's song
after a summer shower.
The Beast of Love
-Well!
-Hello!
Hi, you'm not sleeping?
-Oh, you're brushing your teeth.
-Yes ...
-Has something happened?
-No. Or...
I have fallen in love.
With you.
Oi ... Maybe we should talk
about this in my room?
-Yes ...
-Hey, Bert.
-What happened to the family dinner?
-It ended. Grandma d*ed.
-What?
-Sorry ... She did not die.
It was just gas.
So ...
I was very happy with what you said.
That you are in love with me.
I like you very much.
But from the beginning you just wanted to be
with me to get closer to Leila.
Yes. Or ... So ...
It's so messed up. I thought
I was crazy about her but ...
Now I know that's
really not the case.
Absolutely. In the beginning,
I saw you as a friend ...
But you don't have friends ...
... that you want to kiss.
- Hey darling. Did you have fun?
- Is Amira asleep?
- No, she's in her room with Bert.
- What?
-Should we maybe just hide?
-Why?
As a prank, a challenge.
We can film it and post it on YouTube.
-Hello!
-Hello.
-You didn't tell her, did you?
-Yes...
f*ck, you are such a coward, Bert.
I don't want to upset you,
but I have to say this.
Actually, you really don't have
to say anything at all ...
What is the point really?
One should always just have fun.
-What's going on?
-Bert has read ...
-We went to 'Lynx' tonight. Okay?
-What?
-I thought you had a family dinner?
-It was a family dinner ... in a way.
In this case, your family.
And a little more like the cinema,
maybe not so much a dinner but ...
It's true. I was at the cinema with Bert.
But just because I wanted to see Lynx.
So there it is, right?
Damn, I have to dip.
It's getting late.
There is this choir concert tomorrow.
-Bye.
-That was not what I was going to say.
So, Bert has read ...
Gargamel! Poppa Smurf!
Shut up and sit down!
Bert has read your diary.
Have you read my diary?
I'm sorry.
In my meager defense ...
... I thought it was
your sister's diary.
When I read it, I mean.
I want you to go now.
Go.
Eleven, twelve, thirteen,
fourteen, fifteen, sixteen ...
-Sixteen seconds.
-Hmm ... Good evening and come in.
I showed the pictures I took
of the diary to her sister.
She hates me.
No she doesn't
I do not think so.
-But you have apologized.
-No I haven't.
-Then maybe she does hate you.
-Damn. I can message her right away.
Message? Bert ...
But I can kind attach
a crying emoji.
I think if you say you're sorry-
-Face to face, everything's going to be fine.
The only question is when ...?
There is no ...
-When do you think we should ...?
-Emoji ...
... Peter. Bert, you're late.
Liv, Maja ...
I had the worst nightmare.
I dreamed I was you
and tried to score with Beyoncé.
So she lifted me up on stage.
And all just ...
Oh, Bert ...
-Is Amira at home?
-She does not want to see you.
What? Did she say that?
Mm hmm ... What happened? I've
never seen her this sad.
She's talking about changing schools.
Bert, what have you done?
I'm not going to get involved.
But it's such a shame.
I liked you, Bert.
Goodbye.
You don't understand.
She plans to change schools.
When girls get mad, it can take two
years before they get over it.
-These are scientific facts.
-Okay. But I have to ...
She won't talk to me.
I have to tell her I'm sorry.
-Hey! Why won't you eat?
-Huh?
Come on!
Lizards are such stupid animals.
Never buy a lizard.
Tomorrow is Theme Day,
She's not likely to miss that.
You're presenting Superhero Day,
so she has to see you.
Then you can say you're sorry.
Yes ... - Chill a minute, Åke.
-Hello.
-Hello Hello.
Hi.
Mom and I
have noticed that you are a little sad.
No.
Have you been listening
to Dad's Radiohead albums?
There are support groups for that.
It was just a joke.
-Look what I bought.
-Cool.
Listen Bert. When I was your age ...
... then Grandpa,
that is, my father ...
-I have to go to choir now.
-But we're talking to Bert now.
But the alto part is completely new.
We can talk later, right?
If necessary.
In any case...
What I wanted to say was just that
Grandpa had a very hard time talking ...
-How long will this take?
-It will go pretty fast.
I just wanted to say
that I feel very sorry for Grandpa.
That he did not have what you
and I have.
That we can talk to each other
about things like this ...
Dude, I'm hanging up now.
-Well ...
- Six tomorrow. Bye.
Hello, Åke!
He is the hero of the natural order.
But even a hero
must train both body and soul.
Excuse me. Can you help me?
- What is your opinion of animals?
- I love animals.
Especially ... lynx.
Wowoweewowwa ...
Klimpen, hold it steady.
What the hell was that?
Okay. Lynx gets
a turd for a rating.
I wonder if Amira has seen it.
Tomorrow we will present
superhero day.
I wish she could
understand how sorry I am.
But she does not want to talk to me.
I get that.
I've lied about a thousand things.
But I'm not a liar.
That's not who I am.
You know who I am, Diary.
If only she knew what you know.
Oh my God!
That's the only thing I can do.
Bye, Diary.
Okay. Have I got this right?
So you have a diary
where you write down your whole life?
Yes.
-All of your secrets?
-Exactly.
And now you're going to take that book and give it
to Amira so she can read it?
Precisely.
You are completely sick in the head.
That's f*cking insane, okay?
Then I must be insane ...
Hello! Hello.
Can we get a little applause?
That was almost too much, thank you.
Isn't it just wonderful
with this jeans theme that we have this year?
And!
We have invited Jeans Lapidus.
"... straight from the garden to the stomach."
A little something for vegetarians as well.
We can call today Levis Presley Day instead.
No no...
We need to come up with a theme for next year.
It will be so exciting and fun to see ...
-Have a good day, old man.
-Thanks Dad!
-Erik?
-Yes.
Check your whistle.
Please join me in welcoming from class 7A.
It's Bert and Amira.
Give them a pair-of-jeans round of applause.
Amira.
I thought maybe we could talk later?
Hello! Have you fallen asleep? It's time.
Wakey-wakey!
What are you doing? Are you ready?
Here we go. Go up on the stage.
Give that to me. Go. Showtime!
"Better to starve than to pick in a wheat field.
Better to starve than to pick ..."
Give Bert and Amira that pair-of-jeans applause!
Oh how fun! What a wonderful theme.
Now we finish this.
Okay...
We are presenting Superhero Day.
Yes, a day ...
... when you dress up as
superheroes and do good deeds.
We'll see how this
stacks up against our day.
-Gluten-free ...
-Gluten-free day.
Come on.
Pow!
I'm Bertro.
I'm here to ruin the climate.
-What kind of monster are you?
-Yes ...
-Okay.
-I'm not a monster...
I'm a lynx.
Which means Lokatt.
Amira! Amira! Amira!
I'm sorry!
I know that I was fooling myself.
And that I read your diary.
I understand you're angry.
I fully understand.
It was very unfair.
Therefore...
This is my diary.
You don't write a diary, do you?
Yes, I do.
Why should I believe anything you say?
You lie about everything.
Just read it.
If you never want to see me again
then that's how it is.
-Oh, snatch. What do we have here then?
-Klimpin, please!
... and give the money to the class fund.
-Gluten ...
-Thank you very much! It's my turn now.
Get off the stage, damn it.
We thank the gluten muppets
for that little presentation.
Hope everyone managed to take notes.
Here comes Klimpen's proposal.
Diary Day.
A day when we read aloud from Bert's diary.
"I thought I was in love with Leila
but I'm in love with Amira."
What a ladies man.
-"He has the coolest friends ..."
-Miss, where are you?
... The little shrimp and the computer nerd.
-They're cool.
-Klimpen! Klimpen!
"Leila saw my penis today."
Did she use a microscope?
Amira.
f*cking idiot. Now where was I?
That's right, Leila saw his penis
and everything.
Åke, it's Klimpen.
Natasha, please!
"I wonder what she thought of it.
Big, small or medium. "
-So! Thank you very much ...
-What the hell!
So Bert, Bert, Bert ...
What do we have here ...
"Now it was
soft when she saw it."
Bert!
"I would do anything.
Eat coriander for the rest of my life."
Idiot!
Klimpen was just owned by Little-Erik.
I'm gonna knock the sh*t out of you.
Erik!
-What are you doing?
-I have a lot of good suggestions.
-Åke!
-Okay. I have it. I have the book.
I just need to fix one thing.
How about we continue
with some Rock n 'Roll?
Ready? You sing after me then.
Amira! Amira, wait.
It's none of my business,
but please, just take it?
No.
Bert wants you to have it. So take it?
I'm letting go. Okay?
Hi.
-What are you doing?
-Nothing...
Bert's diary?
What a nightmare.
Imagine someone reading your diary in
front of the whole school.
Have you read it?
No, but he wants me to read it.
-Are you going to?
-I don't know.
You know what Dad would say.
Two wrongs ...
... don't make a right.
Isn't it true?
There's something I want to show you.
"What the hell, Bert!
Check out f*cking Nerd-Bert."
-Who filmed it?
-There were many who filmed.
"I love Amira but she hates me.
I hate me too."
"If she would just give me another chance,
I would do anything."
"I would eat coriander
for the rest of my life."
That sounds like sh*t, Bert.
Eating coriander ...
-He seems to be quite in love with you.
-No...
Yes! And he would eat coriander for the rest of his life.
He would do that for you.
Are you in love with him?
-Was it number 10?
-I think so.
It will go well.
-Hello.
-Hello. Does Bert live here?
Yes he does.
He just got home.
Yes! Hi!
Are you Bert's girlfriend?
Come in. Sorry.
I'm just doing the dishes and cleaning up ...
-Hello!
-Hello! Amira.
Fredrik. Bert's dad.
Bert! Amira is here!
He might be wearing headphones.
Can we come in?
You have visitors.
Bert?
Is he out playing?
"Dear mom and dad.
There is nothing left for me in Öreskoga."
"I have decided
to leave this world ..."
Die!
Åke, in the middle of a bold virtual experience.
-Hi, it's Amira. Do you know where Bert is?
-No.
-He has run away.
-I was not there for him ...
-He left a note.
-It's all my fault ...
Listen: "Hello mom and dad. There is nothing left
for me in Öreskoga. I have decided" -
- "to spend my life in silence.
Thank you and hello, liver pate."
-Wait, what did you say?
-"Thank you and hello, liver pie."
-No, before that. Did you say 'silence?'
- "Spend my life in silence."
Damn.
-We could have had several more years together if ...
-Fredrik!
Hello, that's enough. Fredrik!
Okay, listen.
-Fredrik?
-Yes!
Bert is a teenager.
I'm a teenager.
It's pretty f*cking normal
not to talk about feelings with your parents.
-It is?
-Yes! But listen.
Bert has gone to a place
called The Silence.
-I know where it is.
-Good!
-Then let's leave right now.
-But we don't have a car.
f*cking fossil fuels!
What is your shoe size?
I can sing the alto part but I
may want to sing other parts as well.
You do not want to sing alto?
I just do not want to be put in a box.
-Wait!
-Madde! Madde!
-What is it?
-Bert has run away!
He hasn't run away.
Just calm down ...
-Bert has run away
-No, he hasn't .
-He must have thrown away his cell phone.
-No, the battery is dead.
He has a powerbank in his backpack!
Hi, Bert's mom.
Bert's dad isn't exaggerating. He has run away.
-He even left a note.
-Really?
Yes. But we know where he's going.
I have to borrow the bus.
-Very funny. Are you going or not?
-It's serious. It's my son, Bert.
-I have to borrow the bus.
-It's not my problem.
It is your problem.
We have a bus emergency.
-Are you a bus driver?
-Yes.
What is the secret password?
"Bus and hugs".
She's all yours.
It's a little fast.
DO NOT TALK TO THE DRIVER WHEN DRIVING
Hello, hello...
Hello. Hey!
Are you awake? It's the end of the
line, you have to get off here.
So yes.
Yup.
But yoga is a bit more like gymnastics ...
-Bert!
-Wait...
Bert!
Oh no...
Okay. Fredrik, you stay here.
Did you read it?
You shouldn't read someone else's diary.
But there is no reason to get a divorce.
-What?
-We're actually married.
I give lessons,
explain how it works to people
Who missed the point,
took a wrong turn
They dress up at clubs
like the worst dolls.
I've got hip hop under my skin,
yo I have hip hop in the blood
Yo I'm passionate about this forever
Never just for the moment, naturally bonded
With love as cement
We build from the ground up
On all the sh*t that's happened
It's my turn now that the
wind has changed
Yo I'm passionate about this forever
Never just for the moment naturally bonded
With love as cement
We build from the ground up
On all the sh*t that's happened
It's my turn now that the
wind has changed.
Come on!
I told you, clearly,
that you should never get on that bus.
How can you be so stupid.
I've said it before.
If you want to do something,
ask me first, okay?
-Hello, Bert. I thought ...
-We can talk sometime ...
And we can play Paddel like Zlatan.
YI'm sorry your dad never
talked about Paddel with you ...
It's not that.
I thought you wanted these?
You forgot to go by Grandma's this morning.
So greetings from Grandma.
With love.
-Will, Åke!
-Hey.
Now, time to go to work.
Have a good day, guys.
Your dad is really crainge.
-I think it's pronounced "cringe", actually.
-No, Bert.
Hi. Do you have it?
Hello everybody!
At the next stop, a small but very brave
guy will get on board.
And I would like you to help me
do something for him. Okay?
In case something unpleasant should happen.
Sometimes things end well, even
though it did not go as planned.
It was just the opposite with 'Lynx.'
The trailer was cool but the movie sucked.
But there was one thing Lynx got right.
You can't make an omelette
without breaking some eggs.
And love is the ultimate omelette.
- Thank you and hello, liver pate ...
- Bert!
He has style
He has charm
A profile
that triggers all alarms
I'm setting my sights on our next date
Is he for real or is he fake
Eyes, they can't be trusted
Fool one to hunt for goodies
Though now I know that true beauty
Can not be seen,
you have to feel it
The answer is in your chest
Listen carefully to the voice of your heart
Is she a girlfriend or just a pretty face?
It will be a busy summer.
But do I dare to risk everything
with the woman I fall in love with?
Am I a boyfriend or a jerk?
Or just a summer drink with berries in it
But she flirts a bit with everyone.
Is it worth it if she's the one I fall in love with?
Berts dagbok (2020)
Moderator: Maskath3