07x17 - Batman Forever 21

[bunniefuu]

[Thunder crashes]

[Laughs evilly]

[Sawing]

[Electricity crackles]

It's alive!

[Thunder crashes]

[Laughs evilly]

[Smooch!]

[Laughs evilly]

[Whimsical music plays]

Off to Neverland!

Come on, Nana!

[Bell jingles]

[Barking]

[Strained barking]

[Barking stops]

[Children laughing]

Yay!

Now, Fantastic fools, you
shall feel the wrath of doom!

Sheesh, doom, why the heck are
you so grouchy all the time?

Yes!
The finishing touch.

Now the world will tremble
when they look upon Dr. Doom!

Dr. Doom, wait.

The mask is not...
[sizzling]

Aah!

Sweet Lord in heaven!

Oh, wait.

The mask is upside down.

Hold still, Doctor.

A-a-a-a-aah!

Okay, once more with feeling.

You sons of...

[sizzling]

Aah!

Let us not delay.

Yes, the codpiece remains.

What did you...
Did you say "Codpiece"?

Aah!

Clock out, guys!

Oh, the codpiece is upside down.

What did you...

Aah!

Sorry about your d*ck, dude.

You're going to prison,
Sinestro.

ALL:
No!

We love him!

Sorry, Green fool.

Your ring won't
affect anything yellow,

so I adopted a
bunch of Asian kids.

"A," that's incredibly
r*cist, and,

"B," that's not
how my ring works.

I know, I know, but the
more I thought about it,

the more I fell in
love with the idea.

I adore these little scamps.

ALL:
We love you, Mr. Sinestro!

Ohh, look at 'em!

Hi.

I'm a Centaur...
half man, half horse.

Please, do your part to help
keep my people alive.

f*ck a horse.

♪ Sexy ♪

[techno music plays]

[Horse whinnies]

♪ Sexy ♪

♪ Horses are sexy ♪

♪ You should f*ck a horse ♪

♪ Horses are sexy ♪

♪ You should f*ck
a horse right now ♪

♪ Horses are sexy ♪

♪ You should
f*ck a horse ♪

♪ Horses are sexy ♪

♪ You should f*ck
a horse right now ♪

♪ Sexy ♪

[horse whinnies]

Bear Grylls here.

Today, I'm gonna show you how to

survive in a truly
exotic environment.

Behind me are Matt Dillon,
Neve Campbell, and

Denise Richards from
the movie "Wild Things."

[Dramatic music plays]

What you want to do
is distract Matt Dillon

by talking about how good he
was in "Drugstore Cowboy."

Then you finger bang the girls
under the water while the

jets hide it all.

Who are you?

You know, you were
just incredible

in "Drugstore Cowboy."

Oh.
[Chuckles]

Oh, my gosh, this is
the best hot tub ever.

Ooh, I'm really
branching out from TV!

And remember, a bird in the hand
is worth a hand in two bushes.

[Both moaning]

Dr. Stone to
Houston in the blind.

Is anyone there? Please?

Please, you're my only hope.

Hey, it's time for
d*ck Wax and The Fridge...

♪ In the morning ♪

[boing!]
Hello?

Can you hear me?

Hey, hot tits.

You're on with d*ck Wax
and The Fridge.

Listen, I'm an astronaut
stranded in space.

A-actually, I'm more of a
medical doctor than an astronaut

who, some would say,
had no business up

here in the first place.

Uh-oh, sounds like someone's a
little cuckoo for cocoa puffs!

I'd let her suck
on my cocoa puffs.

Oh, The Fridge,
you son of a bitch!

Listen!

My name is Dr. Ryan Stone.

I need to reach NASA.

[British accent]
Well, my name is

Margaret Thatcher, and I need
some balls in my mouth.

Shut the f*ck up, you morons!

Easy there, Dr. Bone.

[Boing!]

We'll connect you with NASA if
you can name the famous singer

who had a nip slip yesterday.

I don't know.

I've been in space
this whole week.

Unh, unh, unh!

No nip slip, no NASA.

Fine.

Was it... Beyoncé?

It was Beyoncé!

You know your nip slips!

We'll connect you with NASA now.

[Telephone rings]

NASA Headquarters. Houston.

Oh, thank god.

This is Dr. Rya...

Boom!

You just got fridged!

[Toilet flushes]

Oh f*ck it.

[Alarms blaring]

[Tires squeal]

You are dead, assh*le!

Oh, yeah?

Aah, like a good neighbor,
State Farm is there!

With State Farm's...

- Peace!
- Wh-what?

- [Grunts]
- You messed with the wrong guy!

Aah!

We'll be holding an election
to determine Papa Smurfs

second in command,
and since I'm the smartest,

I know you'll be choosing me.

[Punch lands]

[Whistle!]

[Grunts, groans]

[Southern accent]
This is nothing short of betrayal.

These blue buffoons have no
idea with whom they're trifling.

Hell, they don't even realize
I've landed on my head so many

times, I've lost my moral
compass and now speak with a

Southern accent.

[Dramatic music plays]

Now to smurf the pawns
on the smurfing board.

Brainy Smurf?

[Normal voice] I simply had to
express my admiration to you,

Gargamel.

Even though your villainous
plots thr*aten my people,

I've always appreciated
their cunning.

Wow.

I-I didn't realize how much I
[sniffles] needed to hear that.

I only wish there was someone
that could help you succeed by

giving you the location
of Smurf Village.

[Southern accent]
And now in three, two, one.

Wait!

You could tell me.

Smurfmate.

[Normal voice] My dear, it
appears I've seduced you.

And now I want a favor.

Gee, I don't know if I
should help you, Brainy.

Ohh!

Oh, my.

Oh, smurf it.

Smurf it right... there.

[Inhales deeply]

Oh, it's so good.

[Southern accent]
Well, what did you expect?

This is not Netflix.

[Normal voice] Looks like
someone had a secret past life,

Handy Smurf.

I... It's not my fault!

My name is literally
slang for "Hand job."

It took me years before I
figured out the whole

handyman angle.

As long as you build the
invention we discussed,

no one will be the wiser.

Oh, god.

[Sobbing]

The votes are in, and Papa
Smurfs new second in

command is... [gasps]

Hefty Smurf!

[Cheers and applause]

Oh, he's just so hot.

At last!

I k*lled a geriatric,
four-inch gnome!

"Least likely to succeed,"
my ass, class of ' , huh?

[Cannon cocks]

Are you double-crossing...

[machine-g*n fire]

Aah!

Uh, B-B-Brainy did it!

He saved us.

I demand we redo the vote.

[Cheers and applause]

And so, after a runoff vote,

I am honored to announce that

Papa Smurfs second
in command is...

Hefty?!

You just can't argue
with how hot he is.

[Southern accent]
Impossible!

I played the game perfectly.

I... actually,
you know what?

He is pretty hot.

As a Neanderthal,
my brain is way bigger

than all you h*m* erectus.

Okay, Oog.

Don't have to keep
bragging how great you are.

I think I do.

Yo, Ug, Durg, play them rocks.

[Xylophone music plays]

[Rapping]
♪ Unh ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ My name is Oog ♪

♪ Spell it out ♪

♪ O-o-g, that's original
original gangsta, see? ♪

♪ I'm next on the
evolutionary tree ♪

♪ Your brain's the
size of a chimpanzee ♪

[chuckles]

♪ My hunting skills
are so fabulous ♪

♪ I make h*m* erectus
look like h*m* habilis ♪

ALL:
Ohh!

♪ I spit the hot fire
'cause I invented fire ♪

♪ Then I ate the fire,
and it b*rned my mouth ♪

♪ So I screamed real loud
and spat out the fire ♪

♪ My advice ♪

♪ Yo, don't eat the fire ♪

♪ Check out my cave art,
horses and bison ♪

♪ Here's me and your mama ♪

♪ That detail is fly, son ♪

♪ You don't understand
modern art at all ♪

♪ You wipe your ass
with your hand

and press it
on the wa-wall ♪

♪ So many girls
want to rub my stub ♪

♪ They come up to me and hit
themselves with a club ♪

♪ I got so many
cave b*tches ♪

♪ I make
rudimentary tools ♪

[g*nf*re]

[Grunts]

h*m* sapiens, m*therf*ckers!

Today was so fun, Baloo.

I loved that song you sang
about the bare necessities.

And you get that "Bare"
not only means "Basic,"

but also that I'm a bear, right?

Yes, we get the wordplay.

Good night, Baloo.

Good night, little britches.

[Snoring]

[Dramatic music plays]

Watch out, Baloo.

Whoa! My tacos!

Hi, Rebecca.

Hi, Baloo.

Ooh!

[Vocalizing]

[Gasps]
Aah!

What's wrong, Baloo?

Oh, I'm having those dreams
again about a life where I flew

a plane and ate tacos and
sometimes dressed in drag,

nominally to solve crimes

but mostly because
I just enjoyed it.

[Growls]
That's ridiculous.

You've always been
a bear in the jungle.

[Hissing]
Who wants to be my dinner to...

Aah!

[Grunting]

Aah.
How did you do that, Baloo?

I don't know.

BOTH:
Aah!

He's catching on.

Agent is in danger of
remembering his former life

as a bush pilot
and C. I.A. Asset.

Looks like our plan has fallen
into a real "Talespin."

Tailspin, referring to both a
plane flying out of control

and a crazy story.

Yeah, we get the wordplay.

[Jazz music plays]

[Gasps]

Louie.

[Electricity crackles]

You're the missing piece, Louie.

And now you're gonna tell
me about my former life,

you dirty f*ckin' ape!

You mean Project Blackwater?

Huh?

They put black dye in the water
and fed it to the bears in

the hopes that it would
allow them to pilot planes.

bears crash-landed.

It was terribly expensive.

You were the only bear that
knew how to read an altometer.

Altimeter.

See?!

And now that your
memory's returned,

you're a danger to them.

The things you know...

[g*nsh*t]

[Dramatic music plays]

[g*nsh*t]

Show yourself!

Rebecca?

That's right.

It's me, Baloo.

I can explain everything,
as long as a b*llet doesn't...

Aah!

No!

It's payback time.

Drink, sir?

No, thanks.

Are you sure?

It's...
Blackwater.

This is gonna be a real drag,
by which I mean it'll be

tedious and unpleasant, but,
also, I am a male wearing

female garments.

Yeah, we get the wordplay.

[g*nsh*t]

[All screaming]

[g*nsh*t]

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

Ba-gawk! Bawk.

Stupid monkey!