07x12 - Noidstrom Rack

[bunniefuu]

[Thunder crashes]

[Laughs evilly]

[Sawing]

[Electricity crackles]

It's alive!

[Thunder crashes]

[Laughs evilly]

[Smooch!]

[Laughs evilly]

Captain Von Trapp,
the hills are alive!

With the sound of music.

Yes, Maria, I know.

No, you fool!

The hills are alive!

[Both growling]

Autobots,
we must defeat Megatron.

[Fanfare plays]
We are the Zybots!

We can also transform.

Let us help you fight.

Uh...

Brave Zybots,
I am % sure you would die.

Okay!

Well, thanks for your time.

That was just sad.

Whew! Sorry I'm late.

Uh, who are you?

I'm... I'm an...
I'm an Autobot like you.

My name is Autobot... Johnson.

You look exactly like the
Zybots we just spoke to hastily

cobbled together to form a
bigger, weirder Zybot.

Uh, okay.

Who hired this guy?

Oh, sh*t!

Give me a second here.

Ugh! Just one second!

Aah! Ugh!

There.

If you're an Autobot,
then transform with loud,

showy noises.

You bet!

Kee-kah! Khwah!

[All groaning]

True talk...
we lied.

But we don't need
your permission.

We'll fight Megatron
all by ourselves.

Megatron, meet the Zybots!

Not the Zybots!

Aah!

Aaaaaaaaah!

We did it.

We did it!

We did i-i-i-i-t!

Megatron, what the f*ck bro?!

Oh, those guys were cute.

They really looked
like they needed a "W."

Where is he, Marjory?

I don't know what
you're talking about.

You've been cheating on
me with one of these?!

Unh! Once you go QR code, you
never take another Barcode load.

[All grunting]

You do realize changing faces
has zero relevance to combat,

right?

Well, my fist is very relevant.

[Watch beeps]

Ah, I got to jet, guys.

My play is opening tonight!

Rubber baby buggy bumpers.

Rubber baby buggy bumpers!

I can't believe he's leaving
us for his acting bullshit.

Let's crash his play and yell,
"You suck!"

At inappropriate moments.

Hey, what the f*ck guys?

Aah! f*ck you guys!

[Laughs]

What a doucheblast.

Though cursed with a monster's
face, you, Catherine...

You've seen the man inside.

How ironic that
they say love is blind,

because it took love
to open my eyes.

[Cheers and applause]

He's brilliant!

We had no idea you
were so talented, man.

Hi, there. Herb Schwartz.

You, sir, are gonna be a star.

"My husband Is Also A Robot"

is filmed before a live studio audience.

Steve, it's your night
to do the dishes.

[Robotic voice]
"Dishes" does not compute.

My directive is
to watch football.

[Wah-wah!]

That stunt you pulled on
the subway cost the city

$ million in damages!

Which one of you wants to
explain what happened?!

BOTH:
Not it!

And the best actor Oscar
goes to Man-E-Faces for

"Reaching into Darkness:
The Story of Helen Keller's father,

Arthur Keller."

[Sobbing]
Oh, why?!

Why is my daughter's hand wet?!

Who put water on
my daughter's hand?!

What's next?

Show me the new face.

But I only have three.

What the hell, man?

Your name should be
"Two-More-Faces."

[Sobbing]
Oh, I'm so f*cked.

I signed a -picture deal.

"Mr. Monster Goes
To Fart School"

is yet another reheated piece
of dog crap from Man-E-Faces.

Don't get too down.

I love "Mr. Monster Goes
To Fart School."

Really?

No, man.

You fart like a hack.

This is Bucky O'Hare, requesting
to land on Moonport - .

One sec.
Got to mate again.

[Grunting in distance]

My apologies.

Requesting to land...
whoops.

Matin' time.

SHIP:
Warning. Warning. Warning.

[Alarm blaring]

[Grunting in distance]
[Boom!]

[Up-tempo music plays]

Dad, it's your son... Sam!

Dad, why did we leave the
electricity running in an arcade

we closed years ago
when you disappeared?!

Eh, couldn't hurt.

[Whirring]

Ohh! It does hurt!

I was totally wrong!

I'm so stupi...
Aaah! Aaah!

Aaaah! Ohhh! Ohh.

Wh-where am I?

You're in the Digital World,
like a game grid but on PCP!

I'm Koromon, a Digimon!

Digivolve me into a little
yellow dinosaur and we can...

Aaaaaaaah!

Dad?! Da-a-a-a-d!

[All murmuring excitedly]

Sam! Is that really you?

Did you create this world?!

It's amazing!

I tried to k*ll myself,
but they won't let me die!

I curse Jesus' name, son!

I hate God so very, very much!

I found you, Dad!

That's what matters!

I had sex with them!

Tokomon was the most gentle,

but I say that within the
context of it being terrible!

sh*t, Dad!
That is gross!

But you're here now!

We can figure a
way out together!

Before I came here, I told the
electric company to turn the power off!

This whole place
is about to De-rez!

[All crying]

Son, it is still
a sweet release.

At last, I'll know peace.
Ohh!

This isn't peaceful at all!

Oh, my god!

Remember, Sex Ed is a
safe place to ask questions

with no judgment. Yes?

You have a question, Stretch?

Uh, is it normal when you touch
yourself for your penis to

get longer and softer
and really stringy?

Because my friend asked me, and
I was like, "No way, weirdo.

Mine's not like that."

Unless that's normal.

'Cause, yeah,
it's not to me, right?

Up high!

Wow!

The top of Mount Everest!

I did it! Whew!

I'm just gonna take
a little break, maybe...

Ohhhhhhh!

The top of Mount Everest
just went up my butt!

All right! Awesome!

Patrons of Medieval Times,
your champion, the Blue Knight!

Mom, look!

Blue Knight, you're my hero!

Why, thank you, squire!

All hail the King!

All hail the King!

BLUE KNIGHT:
Oh f*ck me.

I locked my keys in my car.

Hey, you have AAA?

No, I don't have AAA!

Who the f*ck do I look like,
Scrooge f*ckin' McDuck?!

Just trying to help.

Oh, oh, oh, good. Good.

Well, let me help you.

Why don't you go find a d*ck...

Yeah... put it in between
two pieces of bread,

and then go f*cking eat it,
you f*ckin' ret*rd?

[Grunts]

Hey, window, blow me.

Ohhh! Ohh! Son of a bitch!

Oh, mother of Christ!

I just broke my hand!

I don't have health insurance,
and I broke my G. D. Hand!

Ahh! There!

Ha!

[Grunts]

Can't get the f*ck open!

Ohh.

Get off!

Oh, that's f*ckin' wet.

[Engine sputters]

No gas?!
Oh f*ck!

Time to pay it forward,
butt muffin.

[Slurps]

[Gagging]

Oh, that's nasty!

Oh, I just drank some gas!

[Hawks phlegm]

[Splat!]
Ew, gross!

Get over yourself, Princess!

[Engine turns over,
tires screech]

All Hail the King!

Aah!

Oh, sh*t.
I k*lled that dude.

He's dead.

Well, guess I'm a
Red Knight fan now, mom.

Yeah. Call me "Daddy."

No!

I was talking to her.

Will it be an early spring
or a late winter?

Only Punxsutawney Phil
knows for sure.

[Rumbling]

sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t!

Get back!

It's winter...
a winter like you've never seen!

Run, you fools!

[Roaring]

What's that, Beverly?

You want Wesley to watch?

Make it so.

Aah!
[Clears throat]

hours.

Time for the night
crew to relieve us.

- Captain.
- Capitán.

[Mid-tempo R&B music plays]

♪ Aw, yeah! ♪

Night crew may take course.

CAPTAIN JAKE:
Space... The final frontier!

These are the : p.m. To
: a.m. Voyages of the

Enterprise's night crew.

Its continuing mission is...

♪ To partay! ♪

[up-tempo dance music plays]

[Record scratching]

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Captain Jake,
a Borg cube is hailing us.

Maybe they want us to
turn down our jams.

Fat chance!

Lower your shields.

Your culture will
adapt to service us.

You want us to service you?

Affirmative.

You will service the Borg...

all night if needed.

[Giggles]

Wait. Our hive mind has
assimilated double entendres.

Real mature, guys.

Prepare for assimilation.

Our shields won't
last long, sir.

Should we wake up the bald guy?

[Fizz!]

[Gulping]

No way, Commander Lafreak!

We'll b*at the Borg just like
we b*at that frat on Gallos- .

We'll sell naked photos of
their girlfriends at a

pie-eating contest?

What? No!

Like any frat, the Borg
share a hive mind, man.

If we get one Borg to party,
all Borg will party!

Night crew, prepare to rock
out with our spocks out!

[All cheer]

Did somebody order a partygram?

[Up-tempo dance music playing]

[All cheering]

[Saxophone plays
discordant riff]

Wet t-shirt contest!

Oh, right...
no shirt.

You want mine?

Oh, chill out, dude!

Wait...
is she your daughter?

Enough!
Partying is futile!

[Groaning]

Your blood, so full of beer.

Your party... so hearty!

[Grunting]

Whoo-hoo!

[All murmuring]

Now, this I can assimilate!

Captain Jake, Starfleet thanks
you for defeating the Borg.

Bitchin'!

Night cre-e-e-e-e-e-w!

Beer me.

[Laughter]

You glorious sons of b*tches!

[Up-tempo dance music plays]

[Saxophone plays
discordant riff]

Stupid Monkey!