03x14 - Robot Chicken's Half-Assed Christmas Special

[bunniefuu]

It's alive!

Ugh!

This food NASA sent up is crap.

Yep, but I got an idea.

Hey, Kool-aid!

Oh, yeah!

Aaahhh!

Yeah, there we go.

I am a potato.

Encyclopedia Brown is on the
case!

Aha!
Miss September has implants.

I swear, Hazel.

I don't know what to do with
that man.

He just won't ask his boss
for a raise.

When I married Roger,
he had such balls.

Where did his balls go?

Dad's balls are missing?

A mystery!

Brown!

You really screwed up these
figures again!

Yes, sir.

Who has sh*t for brains?

Me.

What's that?

I do.
I have sh*t for brains.

That's better.

Hmm...

Wow.

I've been a bartender years

and never seen anyone cry actual
tears into their beer.

Kudos, chum.

Thanks.

Mm-hmm.

Strippers always get so mad when
you assume they're hookers.

Well, I definitely am one.

Mm-hmm.

Aha!

You know, in the rest of the
world,

soccer is called
football.

Hey! Hey!

Ow!
Ohh!

What's going on?

Why are you touching...

Hello, there.

What you've just seen is a

dramatization of the new assh*le
laws enacted by congress,

which go into effect
January st.

It's now a federal offense

to point out that soccer is
actually called football.

Uh, in fact, no "Star Trek"

episode contains the words
"beam me up, Scotty. "

Aah!
Ouch!

Ow! My arm.
Aah! Aah!

Ow!

You know, Iceland is actually
green,

and Greenland is actually
icy?

Aah!
Aah! Aah!

Oh, help me, help me, help!

"Heroes" is way better because
it actually answers stuff.

On "Lost," they don't even know
what they're doing.

What are you doing?

No, wait!

I can't believe we just
survived a nuclear w*r.

Yeah.

Everyone we know is either dead
or a zombie.

We've got plenty of food, but
most of it's crap.

Oh, you know what would
really hit the spot right now?

Hey, Kool-aid!

Oh, yeah!

Aw, yeah!

Aaahhh!

Oh, yeah.

We are here today to announce
Michael Jackson's deal

to perform exclusively at
Las Vegas' Excelsior hotel.

# Hoo-hoo #

To promote the deal,
we created this.

It's even more beautiful than
I thought!

What the...
What's it doing?

No!
No, stop!

Why won't it stop?

Mmm!

Big boy.

Yes, I suppose it is a good
restaurant.

What do you mean,
"restaurant"?

Encyclopedia,
where have you been?

Mom, I solved the mystery of
dad's missing balls.

See, there they are... right
between his legs...

and in that strange lady's
mouth.

Aaahhh!

Look, Hansel.

I'm dropping bread crumbs to
mark our way.

Our way back to our father

who left us for dead in the
forest?

Whee!

Gretel, you are the smartest
girl I know.

Thanks.

That was not a compliment.

I'm hungry.

Let's eat this house.

Mmm!

Frosting!

I think that's bird sh*t.

Mmm!

Bird sh*t!

Children!

Both:
Aah!

You must come inside.
You need a good meal.

# La la-la la-la #

Lt'll be so nice to have you
for lunch.

Double entendre!

No! No!

Ow!

I'm burning alive!

Why?!

We'll sell more gingerbread
than ever

when my wife is done building
her candy house.

The press we'll get is enormous.

Oh, how she loves making
children happy!

Both: Revenge is a dish best served hot.

The end.

And what was the moral of the
story, baby?

Exactly!

Good night.

And now back to...

Kids!

Kids?

So long, Flash.

You'll have to pick up the pace

if you want to catch
Reverse Flash.

Ugh!

Again with Reverse Flash!

He looks just like me but with
the exact opposite color scheme.

Brilliant.

At least he wears a mask.

Bizarro Superman looks just me

but with a face like somebody
threw up in a ice tray.

Seriously, it looks like someone
sh*t out kryptonite

and then
put it on someone's face again.

Have you ever seen
Negative Wonder Woman?

Hey, Wonder Woman!

f*ck you!

Now, where did I leave my
visible jet?

Oh, look!

There it is.

Easy to find.

Don't grab her or anything.

I'd grab her.

Grab her till she couldn't
walk.

Booyah!

Ugh!

Aw, man, am I thirsty.

Me too.

Want to know what would really
hit the spot?

Hey, Kool-aid!

Oh, yeah!

Hey, get your hands off me.

I won an Oscar.

Did you?
Huh? Did jew?

Get it?
I said "jew. "

What are you looking at,
vag badge?

Take me to rehab!

Yeah, I love sex and
Johnnie Walker.

Paris, I'm actually
Jimmie Walker.

Ew!

I got to get to rehab.

Lindsay, are you okay?

Aaahhh!

Experts are baffled by this
recent trend...

celebrity after celebrity
rushing off to rehab.

Coincidence or something more?

You're all acting crazy.

You're going to expose our plan
to take over the world.

Stop that.

Yeah, something is
Affecting us.

Oh.
Oh, god.

I still taste Jimmie Walker.

Are you consuming enough alcohol
rations

to k*ll earth's
deadly atmospheric bacteria?

More than enough.

Shaznook!

It must be having some sort of
side effect.

Yeah, look at Lindsay.

You know, 'cause on our planet
she was a neurosurgeon.

So hungry!

Must feed freckles!

Tinkerbell!

Then we need to act now before
the effects get any worse.

Shed your skin and initiate
att*ck sequences.

Paris, take out Bush.

M'kay.

President Bush.

M'kay.

Britney, return our child king

to the home world for safekeeping.

'Kay, y'all.
Come on, Sean Preston.

Where did I leave that little
baby?

Lindsay, you...

uh...

you, uh...

Guard this coffee cup.

Oh, just do whatever you want.

Hey.
You're not one of us.

No, I'm not.

I just love this uniform and
Team Hatred.

Everyone together now!

Schnell! Schnell! Schnell!

Let's go k*ll people!

Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo!

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!

Oh, hell, I left your car seat

in the "Skymall" catalog
that I meant to order it from.

All right, sit on my lap, baby.

This will be safe.

Sean Preston,
use your baby wings!

Oh, my...
god.

Ewww!

Well, more where that came from.

Everyone, I'm a lizard!

I'm a lizard!

No, my son.

You're just an anti-Semite.

I want to be a lizard!

Don't touch me, Jew.

Give it up, lizard,
or we'll blow your head off!

Ha ha, you idiots.

Don't you know anything about
geometry?

I'm a lizard.

My head will always grow back.

Check it out.

Take that, President Bush!

What are you doing to my
husband?

You married your son?

Eww!

That's the other
President Bush, you hussy!

That's George Bush Sr.

Read my lips...
call an ambulance.

Nobody messes with my snookums.

Wait.
Wait, wait, wait.

Ow.
Stop.

Don't try to run now, 'cause
it's coming.

Ow!
Oh, you tricked me.

Here it comes.

Hold on.

Get ready for the sweet release.

From the moment the visitors
drank our alcohol...

they were doomed.

For through a million years of
keggers and beer blasts,

man had earned his tolerance.

Earthlings rule!

Yeah!

I'm the mother f*cking
President of this planet.

Together:
Earth!

Earth!
Earth! Earth!

Earth! Earth!
Earth! Earth!

Oh.

Did I miss something?

# Ba-bawk bawk bawk #
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bawk bawk #

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# Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
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# Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk #

Ba-gawk! Bawk.