02x02 - Richie's Car

[bunniefuu]

(coin clinks in slot)

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend
comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪

(saxophone solo plays
over rhythmic handclaps)

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days our ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪

Oh...

I really shouldn't kiss you.

I mean, it's our first date,

and I wouldn't want you to think

I was too easy or aggressive.

It's very important
that you respect me.

Oh, I respect you.

I make it a rule never to
kiss a boy on a first date.

Oh, well, I can understand that.

But, in your case, I
can make an exception.

(radio dial flipping
through stations)

RADIO ANNOUNCER: A passed
ball is charged to Ray Cox...

Excuse me.

RADIO ANNOUNCER: and
the winning run is on second base

with one man out.

Dad...

Oh, Richard, you
just take your time.

I'm listening to the last
inning of the Braves game.

Dad, it's kind of
tough being romantic

with you and the Milwaukee
Braves just a few feet away.

I thought I was
doing you a favor

by picking the two of you up.

Even if I couldn't
borrow the car,

I'd at least like to be able
to say good night to my date.

Oh. I get you.

Okay. (shuts off radio)

Look. I'll tell you what.

I'll just lean over to
the other side of the car

and pretend like I'm
looking for something

in the glove compartment. Okay?

Okay, Dad.

Oh, uh... Richard?

I respect her, too.

Let's see. Wonder where
my Phillips screwdriver is.

Um... Ah! Yeah.

HOWARD: Street map of Milwaukee.

Last year's car registration.

Oh, not here! My
father can see us.

HOWARD: Auto ignition
key... Oh, look out!

I saw it!

You know, this is kind
of like trying to make out

on the 50-yard line of
the Chicago Bears game.

Well, it's not my fault

your father had to pick
us up from the dance.

You should get your own car.

HOWARD: Two sticks
of chlorophyll gum.

Maybe we should just
forget the whole thing.

Oh, no. No, hey!
We can... right here.

We're out of the way
of the porch light here.

HOWARD: Green
stamps... This spot's okay?

Yeah.

HOWARD: Here's a snapshot of...

And oh! Here's my pet elephant!

(laughing)

What's wrong?

Your father, he's so funny.

Oh, yeah. He's a
regular laugh riot.

Well, tell you what.

I'll see you tomorrow
at Arnold's. Okay?

Good night.

I had a wonderful time.

Thanks for respecting me.

HOWARD: What's the matter?

You didn't like the way I
drove you home tonight?

Dad, don't you understand?

I'm like a social outcast
without my own car.

Did you ever try walking
your girl five miles to Arnold's?

Or... or walking a
girl into a drive-in?

People stare a lot!

And I'm tired of my father
having to take me home

from dances all the time.

It's like double dating
with my baby sitter.

I don't drive you
home all the time.

Oh, sure, once in a
while I can borrow the car,

or else I have to double date

with Ralph or Potsie
or anybody else.

I'm not independent.

It's cramping my style.

I'm cramping his style, Marion.

Well, maybe
Richard's right, dear.

We could use a second car.

There are just so many times

that I could use
a lift somewhere.

Mom's right, you know.

You know, somehow I
knew you'd agree with him.

All right, I'll tell
you what I'll do.

Just to make sure that
we get a decent second car,

I'll put up $200 toward it.

But it better not be
anything like that heap

you and Potsie tried
to fix up last year.

Oh, no, no. Dad,
that's great! Thanks!

And you just remember
that it is not your car.

It's a family car.

All right, Dad.

And listen. Anytime
you want to borrow it,

just ask me for the keys.

Marion...

Hey, Ralph, how'd you make
out with Sherri Remi, huh?

Listen, I'm tired of telling
you guys about my love life.

I only make out so I have
something to tell you guys.

I start out by just kissing.

It was nice, but
no, it bored you.

Then I started
blowing in the ear.

I felt silly, but I
learned to live with it.

And that bored you, too.

Next, I started getting
hickies. Hickies hurt.

My life's a blur
of flashing teeth.

All this just so I have
something to talk about

in this stupid parking
lot. I can't stand it!

No more ears, no more
hickies, no more nothing.

I don't want to talk
about it anymore!

I think he struck
out with Sherri Remi.

Hey, you went out with
Gloria last night, right?

Yeah. There's no sense
asking him about it.

His father drove them home.

Yeah, and that's the last
time that's going to happen.

I'm finally getting
my own set of wheels.

I got three
possibilities right here.

Hey, can I borrow
it Saturday night?

I didn't even get it yet.

What kind are you getting, Rich?

Well, I'm not sure.

My dad's putting up
$200 towards the car,

but it's kind of hard
to find a good one

for that kind of money.

Yeah. FONZIE: Psst!

What's with the Fonz?

I don't know. I think
he's got a bad cold.

Psst!

Cunningham, would
you please get over here?

Let's go bug
Marsha. Yeah, Ralph.

You wanted to
talk to me, Fonzie?

Hey, don't you know that "Psst!"
is a cool way of callin' a guy?

No, I didn't know that.

Yeah, well, you
know it now, huh?

Hey, listen, I hear you want
to buy yourself a heap, huh?

Oh, yeah.

You got to have wheels

if you want to make
out with the chicks.

Hey, what? Did I give up my
love life when I bought my bike?

Oh, no, Fonzie, but...
uh... but I'm not like you.

I got to have four wheels.

Yeah, at least four.

Hey, I won this
tough set of wheels

at this drag race.
I'll sell them to you.

Won it in a drag race?

Yeah, I raced this nerd
for his, uh, car registration.

He b*rned out his motor.

Well, I don't think my Dad is
too keen on b*rned-out motors.

He's kind of funny
about things like that.

Cunningham, I
replaced the motor.

It's got to be one of the
sharpest heaps in town.

Well, I... I don't think

he's interested in sharp heaps.

What he has in mind is kind
of a... a second family car.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

If the Fonz works
on it, it is no second.

It is numero uno.

Now, this is a family car.

For a very, very
cool family, of course.

I don't think my
father would go for it.

Of course he would.

Cunningham, just
look at that chrome.

This has got a lowered
back, fuel injection. Huh?

A super blower, plus
dual exhaust. Huh?

A very, very cool car
indeed, Cunningham.

I want to tell you that
James Dean's father

probably owned
one just like this.

It's a terrific
car, but, Fonzie,

my father's idea of being cool

is leaving the top button
open on his sport shirt.

I don't think he'd care for
a car called "Love Bandit".

Aren't you going to
take water with those?

With aspirin? Huh!

Only a nerd takes
water with aspirin.

Not the Fonz.

I mean, that's like eating

and waiting a half hour
before you go swimming.

Cunningham, let me tell you,

owning this heap will probably

be your old man's
dream come true.

Owning a DeSoto was
his dream come true.

Well, let's let him decide.

We'll just drive it over
there and show him.

Okay. The worst thing that
can happen is he could say no.

Yeah. But in a minute.

I just got to get
a little water.

It kind of flaked in my throat.

Must be defective aspirin.

(bottle clatters)

Now, look, Fonzie,
this is not something

that a grown man drives!

It's more like something
that a... a little kid pedals.

You see, we were thinking of
using it as a second family car.

If I wanted a car like this,

I would have bought
a circus wagon.

I do not want this
car, and that's final!

I see you're undecided.

I'll tell you what
I'm going to do.

I'm going to let you talk
about it among yourselves.

And I'm going to move
way, way over here

so that I don't cause
any undue influence.

You want to hold Gertrude?

Hey, I don't like to hold rats.

It's a hamster.

Yeah.

Nobody listens to me.

I am not going to drive around

in something
named "Love Bandit".

I mean, who knows
what went on in this car.

Dad, we could erase it.

Dad, you're never going to get
a car this good for the money.

Fonzie just put a
new motor in, and he...

he just got through
fixing up the transmission.

The car's loaded with extras.

I don't need that
kind of extras.

A rocket doesn't need
that kind of extras.

We'll take them off.

The car has good pickup.

You'll get good mileage with it.

It runs like a clock.

Terrific! Then
hang it on the wall,

but don't put it in the garage.

Well, maybe if it
was a different color.

Like, say, blue.

Blue's your favorite
color, Howard.

RICHIE: Yeah, Dad,
a nice, dignified shade

of family blue.

I read that even Ozzie
Nelson drives a blue car.

And you like Ozzie.

Well, maybe I
could live with that.

But no shiny things,
and no vroom!

Fonzie!

Dad said he'll get the
car if you'll paint it blue.

For you, a mere 30 bucks extra.

All right, I'll get a check.

But a nice, respectable blue.

No flecks, no specks,
and-and no funny names on it.

Fonzie, this is really terrific.
You know, it looks a lot better

than I thought it was going to,

without all the
extras and everything.

Hey, in automotive circles,

I'm known as the Picasso
with a spray g*n, huh?

Uh, this your day off, Fonzie?

How about some work?

Oh, yeah. I love
you, too, Happy.

I was just about to check
this guy's oil pan. Okay?

If he wasn't such a genius
with a monkey wrench...

Hey, Happy, you got a minute?

Why? You want to tell
me your life story, Marlow?

MARLOW: Look, I
just want you to be on

the lookout for a hot
car. HAPPY: I ain't seen it.

Besides, I'm on my lunch hour.

I don't talk business.

Come on. It's a '52
red Ford convertible,

license plate F-7193.

HAPPY: I ain't seen it.

I can't eat lunch.

I'm sorry.

Aw, come on. I'll get
you a cup of coffee.

I make rotten coffee.

You're going to hate it.

♪ Ba-Ba-Baby,
Ba-Ba-Ba-Barbara Ann... ♪ Fonzie!

You sold me a stolen car.

I didn't know it was stolen.

And if I knew it was hot,

I woulda given it to you
for a lot less, believe me.

Oh, terrific. What am
I gonna tell my father?

"Dad, remember that car
that you lent me the money for?

Well, ha-ha...
it's a stolen car."

Cunningham, would you
please come over here?

Look, first, I didn't
know the heap was hot.

Second, don't worry. And, third,

I know how to handle
these kind of things.

Yeah? What are you
going to do about it?

I don't know.

Just give me a
minute to think it out.

Fonz?

Why don't you just give
me the money back?

Can't do it.

We could get arrested with
this car, you know. Keep it down.

Look, I just used the money
to pay off the rest of my bike.

Oh, Fonzie...

Hey, you got something
against my bike? No.

No, it's a great
bike. It's cool.

It's not even stolen.

Tell you what,

I'll get in touch with the
guy I won the car from

and see what we can work out.

Just don't sweat it.

All right.

Okay, I'll... I'll leave
everything to you.

If anything happens, I'll
be at my house, okay?

All right.

Psst.

C'mere.

You forgot your car.

Oh, no.

No, you see I... I
could get in trouble.

I could get arrested
for driving this car.

Well, you can't leave it here.

You see, my boss has this thing

about people leaving
hot cars lying around.

Why don't you take
it to your house, huh?

Because I don't live in a house.

I live in an apartment.

Well, just take it there.

My bike's already there. So?

So?! So?!

My-My living
room ain't that big.

Haven't you got any
place you can take it?

I got an idea. Good.

My sinuses must
be clearing up. Oh...

The car's already a
different color, right? Right.

Okay...

So I do a little work
on the license plates

and no one'll ever know
that you're driving a hot car.

That's no good. How do you know?

You haven't seen it yet.

Fonzie, what are you gonna do?

A little painting
by the numbers.

Listen, Fonz, I
got a terrific idea.

Why don't you and I
just go to the police,

we'll tell 'em about the
whole... Are you crazy?

Do they ever believe kids, huh?

You want a JD card? No.

No. Then...

drive it home, leave
it in the garage...

and wait till I get things
under control, huh?

And please try to stay cool.

Boy, that's good, I'm
telling him to stay cool.

(whistles)

Perfect.

What if it rains?

Cunningham, it'll be all right.

I didn't do it in water
colors, you know.

No one will ever know.

I'll know.

Will you give your
conscience a day off?

I know what I'm doing.

All right.

Okay.

I'll drive it home
when it's dark

and my parents are asleep.

I mean what can happen
between here and there?

Sure. The chances against
you getting picked up are 2:1.

Right.

Hi, Richie.

Oh, hi, Gloria.

Is this your new car?

Yeah, this is it. You like it?

Ah, I love it!

Hey, let's take a drive.

Well, it's getting kinda late.

Uh... what about your friends?

Oh, they'll understand.

Well, actually, see, I was...

I was on my way home.

Well, it'd sorta be
like our second date...

and I kiss better
on second dates.

Well, maybe a
short drive. Hop in.

Okay.

(sighs)

Uh, why are we
parked in your garage?

Oh, this is where I always park.

Well, wouldn't it
be more romantic

up on Inspiration
Point or somewhere?

Oh, well, I think it's
very romantic here.

In your garage?

Well, yeah.

There are a lot of romantic
things in this garage,

like, uh... that ladder.

My parents used
that ladder to elope.

That's a step ladder.

My mother lived in a trailer?

Hey, what about
your parents now?

Oh, they're probably asleep.

Oh.

Well, don't they
ever come out here?

No. They can always
neck whenever they want.

Richie, I think you
better take me home.

But we just got here.

I know.

But I feel kinda funny
about kissing in a garage.

(sighs heavily)

Okay, I'll take you home.

Aren't you gonna drive me home?

Well, you live so close

and it's such a
great night for a walk.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're right.

So I think I will
take one... alone.

Good night, Richie Cunningham.

Weird.

JOANIE: Oh, we're
taking Richie's car!

You're taking my car?!

Dad, Mom says I can take
Charlie the sea serpent.

No, too big.

Well, I'll let his air out.

Then I only have to blow it up
again when we get to the beach,

and I'll be dizzy all day.

Dad! Dad, hold it! Hold it!

Well, Richard, you're
still in your pajamas.

Go get your bathing
suit on. I know.

Dad, we can't take this car.

Now, Richard, if you're
afraid about the new paint job,

I'm sure it's dry.

No, no, it's not
the paint job, but...

well, I just used
this car last night.

Does it need a rest?

Now, look, I thought

we decided that we'd be driving

my car during the week
and yours on the weekend.

Besides, I loaned the
Finleys my car for the day.

Nobody can drive my car.

Aw, come on now, Richard. I
hope you got a good reason for

standing there in your pajamas
talking like a crazy person.

Okay, I might as
well tell you the truth.

Uh... Morning, Officer.

Hello.

MARLOW: Morning, Mr. Cunningham.

Folks. HOWARD:
What can I do for you?

MARLOW: Well,
uh, it's about your car.

The car?

Yeah, the car.

Now, you know, I
like you folks a lot,

but when the law has been
broken my duty is clear.

All right.

All right, I confess.

But I didn't know it was stolen.

Stolen? What's stolen, dear?

Fonzie painted over
the license plates and...

and he said I
shouldn't drive it,

but then Gloria said she
kisses better on the second date

so I brought her here,
and then she got mad

because she had to walk home,

but I hardly even used the car.

That's the truth, Officer,
you gotta believe me!

He's spilling his
guts about something.

What's he talking about?

MARLOW: I'm not
too sure. I just stopped

because your other car

was blocking the
driveway across the street.

Well, now I know
what he's talking about.

Now, what are you talking about?

You're sitting in a stolen car.

Now, look, Officer,

if my son says
that he didn't know

that the car was stolen,

then he didn't
know it was stolen.

He's no liar.

He's an honor student.

What do you got to
say for yourself, son?

I'm guilty.

You are?!

I knew the car was stolen,
but I drove it anyway.

Only once... for this
date in my garage.

I bet that was
a story in itself.

He's the one that's
guilty. Arrest him.

Hey, uh, Mr. Cunningham,
will you cool it?

I'm not guilty.

I just came down here to
help out my good buddy Richie.

And this here is
Rocky Baruffi...

The guy I got the car from.

Well, then, he's guilty.

So let my son go
and arrest Barunni.

No, no, no, that's
Baruffi. With two "F's".

And he ain't guilty either.

Is there anyone here guilty,
uh, except the honor student?

I'm willing to pay
my debt to society.

Richard, you're not in debt.

FONZIE: Hey, I can
straighten this whole thing out.

Couple of weeks ago,

I get myself into a drag
race with Rocky Baruffi here.

We were racing for pink slips.

Titles.

Oh, I didn't think he
meant underwear.

Ah, I like that.

I like a cop with a good
sense of humor, huh?

Fonzie, please,

get to the part where
Richie's innocent.

In time, huh? In time.

All right. On that
particular evening,

Rocky Baruffi's engine blew out.

Pffsh...!

And I win. As usual.

Congratulations. Thank you.

But Rocky Baruffi did
not steal that car, no.

Rocky Baruffi bought that car.

Yes, he bought it... Excuse me.

Uh, yeah.

From a man named Alfred Kremmel.

Now, the party of the first part

sold the wheels in question
to Rocky Baruffi here,

party of the second part.

Then he reports it stolen
to the insurance company,

party of the third
part, to collect the loot.

Now, I conclude, Your Honorship,

that the car was never stolen,

these guys are innocent

and that Richie Cunningham
is the real and legal owner

of that hot rod formerly
known as "Love Bandit."

Thank you.

"Love Bandit"?

Yeah, that's a catchy name, huh?

Thanks, Fonzie.

Perry Mason would've
been proud of you.

Oh yeah, thanks, Fonz. Hey.

Sure. My pleasure, huh?

I like to keep my reputation
spotless, too, you know.

Rocky.

Uh... hey, Cunningham,

that's a very cute, uh...

shirt, you know, with horsies.

I had jammies like
that when I was, uh...

Dad, I'm sorry I didn't tell you

that the car was stolen.

Oh, that's all right, Richard.

I'm a lot happier
that it wasn't stolen.

Listen, I've been thinking.

Considering everything
that's happened,

why don't you go paint
the car red again, huh?

Oh, thanks, Dad,
that'll be terrific.

But no "Love Bandit."

Your mother may be driving it.

Yeah, there's your problem.

You had your horn wire
connected to the radio.

All right.

Watch yourself.

You know, I should have figured.

Every time I honked
the horn I got the Top 40.

You see that? That's not funny.

Making fun of your car's

like making fun
of your little sister.

Fonzie, did your family
ever have a second car?

Nope.

But we got four motorcycles.

Even got a sidecar
for my grandma.

Ain't that cool?

Yeah. Yeah.

You know why I like
owning my own car?

Thrill me.

Well, everybody
knows it's Ralph Malph

when he's three blocks away.

Why?

Because they know his car.

Hemmy Wilson,
he's easy to find...

All you gotta do is
look for the blue Chevy

with the moon disks.

But up until now,

if anybody ever wanted to
find Richie Cunningham...

they had to look for
my father waiting outside

with the motor running.

But, Fonzie, from now on,

everybody's gonna know it's me

when they see this
flashy red convertible.

Like I always say, huh...

Rods make the world go 'round.

Yeah.

Hey, Ralph's here.

There's his yellow hot rod.

Freddie's here, too.

Look, his deuce
coupe's double parked.

Oh, and there's
the red convertible.

Rocky Baruffi must be here.

♪ Sunday, Monday,
happy days... ♪

Hey... just give it time.

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Rockin' all week with you ♪

♪ This day is ours... ♪

♪ Won't you be mine? ♪

♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ This day is ours... ♪

♪ Oh, please be mine ♪

♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ This day is ours... ♪

♪ These are such happy days. ♪

♪ Hello, sunshine,
good-bye, rain ♪

♪ She's wearing my
school ring on her chain ♪

♪ She's my steady, I'm her man ♪

♪ I'm gonna love her all I can ♪

♪ This day is ours ♪

♪ Won't you be mine? ♪

♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ This day is ours ♪

♪ Oh, please be mine ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪