01x02 - Spellingg Bee

[bunniefuu]

[Shawn outside a diner, getting a newspaper. He re-enters the diner to see a woman sitting in his seat.]

SHAWN: Uh, excuse me, you're... you're in my seat.

JULIET: Am I?

SHAWN: Actually, yes, you are.

JULIET: Are you one of those weirdo compulsives who come to the same restaurant, sit in the same chair, and eat the same food every day?

SHAWN: Uh, no, no, no, I was sitting right there three minutes ago, and then I went outside to get myself a paper. I ordered a juice, and look, I made a crawling snake with the straw wrapper. You can finish it if you think you're up to the job.

JULIET: I'm sorry. You want me to move?

SHAWN: Not anymore.

[He sits down.]

SHAWN: So, what's up?

JULIET: I don't have time to talk.

SHAWN: But you haven't heard what I'm going to say.

JULIET: See, now we've already talked more than I wanted to.

[Shawn notices details about her purse and shoes.]

SHAWN: Well, I did give you my seat, you know. I think that gets me one question.

JULIET: Listen. Diner guy—

SHAWN: Shawn.

JULIET: Shawn. Flattered, really. Very often, I am happy to meet new people. But today, right here, right now, I can't talk.

SHAWN: I understand. I do. What if I do the talking for both of us?

JULIET: Have at it! Do you mind if I read the paper and stare aimlessly out the window while you two talk?

SHAWN: No. Can I get a name to work with?

JULIET: Juliet.

SHAWN: Well, it's very nice to meet you, Juliet. [In a high pitched voice] It's nice to meet you, too, Shawn. And I am sorry about your seat. So, lunch is on me. So, what do you do for a living? [In his own voice] I do a little bit of everything. [In high pitched voice] Oh, that sounds interesting. And maybe a little bit dangerous. Oh, I like your jacket. I like it—

JULIET: Okay, can I stop you here? First off, in, uh, your portrayal of me, I sound like I'm in the eighth grade.

SHAWN: Well, in my portrayal of you, you only have an eighth grade education.

JULIET: [Scoffs]

SHAWN: All right, smarten you up. College, yeah? Top your class, graduate early... got it. [In high pitched voice] I'm new to town, and I don't know many people. But I do know my cats. Two of them. The gray one is very affectionate, the white one makes me work much, much harder for the attention. [In his own voice] And what about your family? [In high pitched voice] My family is amazing! My parents have been together for, what is it, 30 years now?

JULIET: Okay, do we know each other?

SHAWN: Yes, you were the girl who stole my seat!

[A man walks into the diner, Juliet gets visibly defensive and picks up her bag.]

SHAWN: Oh, my gosh, you're a cop!

JULIET: I'm not a cop!

SHAWN: The paper, the vantage point, the layout, of course! You got defensive when scary guy walked in, you're totally a cop!

JULIET: Okay, Shawn, I may need you to do me a favor.

SHAWN: Name it.

JULIET: Duck!

[Shawn ducks. Juliet stands and cocks her g*n at the man who had just entered. More undercover police move to grab the man, and several enter through the door, including Det. Carlton Lassiter.]

OFFICER: Police! Don't move!

LASSITER: g*n!

MAN: Let me go!

LASSITER: Get him up!

OFFICER: Come on!

[Lassiter makes eye contact with Shawn, who waves. Lassiter leaves the diner, giving him a dirty look. Juliet sits back down.]

SHAWN: First time pulling your g*n?

JULIET: Maybe.

[She leaves.]

[INTRO]

[Santa Barabara—1989. A school auditorium, where a spelling bee is taking place. Burton 'Gus' Guster is on stage.]

ANNOUNCER: Thirty seconds, Mr. Guster.

GUS: A...g...g... Let me start over! "Aggiornamento."

[Shawn is mouthing and making motions to Gus from the audience.]

GUS: A...g...g...o?

[Buzzer rings, people exclaiming.]

[Santa Barbara—Present day. Gus is in the Psych office and watching TV.]

MAN ON TV: Beautiful Santa Barbara, California is the backdrop for this afternoon's coverage of the American Spelling Bee, being held at the downtown Cabrillo theater. Champions from all over these Western United States have made the trek to test—

[The door opens. Gus turns the TV off. Shawn comes walking in with a bike.]

SHAWN: What are you watching?

GUS: Nothing.

SHAWN: Is that Korean porn? Come on, man!

GUS: It's the regional finals of the American... Spelling Bee.

SHAWN: What?

GUS: Don't mock me. It's a huge event.

SHAWN: No, I'm just... I'm shocked that you didn't take the whole day off.

GUS: It's on sportscal2, for your information. And it's hosted by Bud Collins.

SHAWN: Really? Did they bump the car washing championships for this? And is it over soon? 'Cause i'd like to get back to the woodcarving finals.

[Gus gets up and turns the TV back on.]

MAN ON TV: Let's recap this morning's unexpected high drama...

GUS: It's being held in Santa Barbara this year. Down at the Cabrillo. It's huge. Sold out.

MAN ON TV: All the experts are shaking their heads...

GUS: I tried to get tickets, but you gotta know somebody.

SHAWN: Somebody lame. Dude, I can't believe you're watching that!

GUS: I'm taping it! And I don't care what you think, Shawn, I watch the bee semis every year.

SHAWN: Okay, for your sake and mine, stop giving the spelling bee hip little nicknames.

GUS:[Shushing]

BUD COLLINS: For those of you who have just joined us, well, a bit of a shock. And a little sad, too. The heavy favorite has had a bad spell, and Brendan Vu is out!

GUS: What?

TV ANNOUNCER: Boo-hoo for Vu, Bud.

GUS: No way. Brendan vu is out? Already?

SHAWN: Okay, now you're just scaring me.

GUS: Come on, Shawn. He took second last year, everybody knows that!

SHAWN: No, Gus, nobody knows that, except for Brendan and his mother.

GUS: Okay.

BUD COLLINS: We're gonna show this again. It looks like young Mr. Vu may be having trouble breathing.

TV ANNOUNCER: He does look to be under some sort of duress, Bud. His inhaler did not appear to help, and Vu tumbled.

[Audience gasps.]

GUS:Dang!

TV ANNOUNCER: Paramedics rushed to the scene, and within moments, the competition had taken an unexpected turn.

SHAWN: Wait a second. Did you see that?

[Shawn takes the remote and rewinds a few seconds.]

SHAWN: This is no accident. There's something wrong with that inhaler.

GUS: Shawn, get out of here.

[Phone rings.]

TV ANNOUNCER: For 35 minutes, competition was suspended...

SHAWN: Psych.

TV ANNOUNCER: ...and vu and his family were rushed to the hospital.

SHAWN: It's the chief. I'll have to check with Gus. Are we available? It appears we are. We'll be right there.

GUS: What?

SHAWN: I can get us into the spelling bee.

GUS: Really?

SHAWN:Guess I was right about the whole Bandon Dunes thing.

GUS: Brendan Vu.

SHAWN: Sure.

GUS: They need a psychic detective for that?

SHAWN: They don't, unless he was sabotaged. The kid said his inhaler felt funny. When he used it, his hand stung, paramedics get there, there's no inhaler. Apparently, the thing just vanished into thin air.

GUS: [grabbing his coat and running out the door] Shawn, we are so taking this! Let's go!

SHAWN: How come I can't get you this excited about girls?

GUS: [off screen] Let's go, Shawn!

SHAWN: Or Mexico?!

[Outside the Cabrillo, where they see Interim Chief of Police Karen Vick]

SHAWN: We're here!

KAREN: Go on in, Mr. Spencer. I've arranged everything you need inside.

SHAWN: You're leaving?

KAREN: Oh, I was only here for the mayor's presentation, and we have a robbery standoff across town.

SHAWN: Whoa, shouldn't I go to the hospital, meet the victim, get his statement?

KAREN: Mr. Spencer, the case is sabotage. There are 43 remaining contestants, all presumably with a motive. Now, you can read guilt just by talking with someone, right? Do it.

SHAWN: You want us to talk to all of them?

KAREN: And their parents.

GUS: Today?

KAREN: Mmm-hmm. By 5:00. In two days, this whole thing is over. At that time, all the witnesses will be in 100 different cities all over the western united states. So, it's now or never. Good luck.

BUD COLLINS: Spell-master Elvin Cavanaugh is a secretive guy, and yet, he
has called for a press conference after this round!

[Inside the auditorium.]

CONTESTANT: Can you repeat that, please?

ANNOUNCER: "Butyraceous. "

CONTESTANT: Definition, please?

ANNOUNCER: Adjective."Having the characteristics of butter. "

GUS: This thing's been sold out for weeks.

SHAWN: I can see why. It moves so fast, it's like hockey with words.

GUS: There's Elvin Cavanaugh, the greatest spell champion ever. He's been the spellmaster for 14 years. He's a legend.

SHAWN: Wow.

ANNOUNCER: "Butyraceous. "

SHAWN: He sits up there all by himself in that fancy box?

CONTESTANT: Language of origin?

SHAWN: What is he, the phantom of the opera?

GUS: He's a huge celebrity! He can't just sit in the crowd!

CONTESTANT: Can you repeat the word?

ANNOUNCER: "Butyraceous. "

CONTESTANT: "Butyraceous"?

SHAWN: Oh, come on, dude, you're not bored at all?

GUS: Do you know how to spell any of these words?

SHAWN: Proudly. I have never heard of any of these words. I file these words under "things to say when I want to be ridiculed or kicked out of bed."

GUS: See, the problem is that butyraceous is clearly a round one word.

SHAWN: Oh, god, stop talking. I'd like to pretend we still have things in common, Gus!

GUS: Well, instead of sitting here, maybe we should get to work!

[Backstage.]

WOMAN: Try not to break anything.

GUS: Wow! So this is what it looks like.

SHAWN: What?

GUS: The comfort room. This is where you go to deal with missing a word.

SHAWN: Oh, yeah? Where do they take you to deal with missing your entire childhood?

GUS: Shawn, this misplaced malevolence you have with the spelling bee is getting monotonous. Stop hating on the bee! I'm sorry, ma'am, I do apologize for his inappropriate virulence.

SHAWN: Why are you using all these big-ass words all of a sudden?

GUS: I'm not doing that. That's preposterous! I was in the spelling bee myself. I almost won.

SHAWN: Dude, are you still on that?

GUS: Of course i'm still on it! I know it wasn't "o"!

WOMAN: You may have five minutes with each contestant, no more. If the room is needed, you'll be asked to vacate. I'll begin with the eliminated contestants.

SHAWN: Actually, we'd only like to speak with the ones that were still in the competition when the accident occurred. Ms. Foote. And let's start with the shifty-eyed ones, shall we?

[Shawn and Gus sitting, questioning contestants.]

SHAWN: And you were there the whole time?

CONTESTANT 22: I was.

22'S MOTHER: Assimilation.

CONTESTANT 22: A-s-s-l-m-l-l-a-t-l-o-n. Assimilation.

[Contestant 56]

56'S FATHER: My son, no one expect him to come this far. But he surprise everyone. You watch him win.

SHAWN: Oh, I don't know. Are they running odds on this thing now? 'Cause i've got some cash i'd like to lay down on the really, really tall girl with the bulldog underbite. What, is she on stilts?[Laughing]

56'S FATHER: You do not understand. This contest, it is money for scholarship. It is entry into any school in the future.

GUS: Yeah, Shawn. The winner of this competition can just about choose his university.

56'S FATHER: Your friend is right.

GUS: And it teaches grace under pressure. Poise. Dignity.

SHAWN: All things you can get at a hot-dog eating competition. Plus... hot dogs.

[Contestant 12]

SHAWN: Still studying, huh?

22"S MOTHER: Oh, she loves it. Won't put that thing down.

SHAWN: Well, kudos on the childrearing. Let me know how the therapy goes.

22'S MOTHER: Huh?

[On the TV, back in the auditorium.]

BUD COLLINS: We're gonna keep rolling because of the exceptional request by Elvin Cavanaugh, a behind-the-scenes guy, to give a press conference right here at this stage of the competition! What's that all about?

TV ANNOUNCER: Well, I mean, this could be something big, Bud. I mean, this year's competition has just been peppered with controversy.

BUD COLLINS: It certainly has. Well, he's been watching from a private box on the balcony, but now, he's going to come out so that we can see him.

[Cavanaugh grunting.]

TV ANNOUNCER: This could be something big, Bud.

BUD COLLINS: I think he's having difficulty breathing!

TV ANNOUNCER: He does look under duress, Bud.

[People screaming as Cavanaugh falls over the railing and down onto the seats.]

ANNOUNCERS: Oh, jeez! Oh, my! Oh, my god! Oh!

WOMAN: Call 911!

MAN: Okay, move over.

[People screaming and clambering to help.]

SHAWN: Okay. Not to belittle this guy's life, but this just got more interesting than the woodcarving finals.

[Zipper closes Cavanaugh into a bodybag. The police have now arrived.]

JULIET: When do we decide if we should cancel this event?

LASSITER: Why would we cancel?

JULIET: Well, a body did just tumble into the crowd.

LASSITER: Didn't land on anybody.

JULIET: It might be traumatic.

LASSITER: For who? The mayor, when he realizes all the hotel rooms are now empty?

JULIET: We could postpone at least a day, i'm sure that's allowed.

LASSITER: Do you have any idea how important this event is to the city? Now, unhealthy guy has heart attack, falls over railing. Case closed. Certainly not declaring it a crime scene. Come on, you can introduce me to the press.

JULIET: Okay, just be sensitive.

LASSITER: How about if we don't sell the seat the guy landed on?

SECURITY GUARD: Can I help you?

SHAWN: Has anyone come out of there?

SECURITY GUARD: Just the cops. I've been here the whole time.

SHAWN: Did you hear anything from in there?

SECURITY GUARD: I'm sorry, who are you?

SHAWN: Uh, I'm Shawn Spencer, i'm a psychic with the police department.

SECURITY GUARD: I'm sorry, Mr. Spencer. Look, I don't doubt your ability, I actually have an aunt who can see apparitions, and some spooky stuff. But they told me not to let anybody in here without a badge, so...

SHAWN: I see. Okay. As long as you feel safe.

SECURITY GUARD: Safe?

SHAWN: What with the dead guy's spirit being here, and him being so angry.

SECURITY GUARD: How angry?

SHAWN: Well, considering he might have just been m*rder*d, that's definitely a negative. [Laughing] I mean, I wouldn't be happy!

[All laugh]

[Shawn shrieks, and slams himself into the wall, shaking and screaming.]

SHAWN: No, please, spare me! I'm here to help you! Gus! Back me up here! Oh! Oh! Oh! [speaking gibberish]

[Shawn falls down the stairs and flops on the floor a few times.]

SECURITY GUARD: [Stammering] you guys just take a quick little look-see, okay? I'll be downstairs!

GUS: Come on, get up!

[Shawn groans and gets up.]

SHAWN: Well, we certainly know what his vice was.

GUS: He was a heavy eater, so what?

SHAWN: Nothing. I'm just thinking Lassiter's heart attack theory might not be so far off. Who's contestant 1953?

GUS: It only goes up to 200-something.

SHAWN: What's 1953 mean?

GUS: Nothing. Is it a rule?

SHAWN: No, they don't really number the rules like that.

GUS: Think there was an altercation?

SHAWN: No, something else. He was all by himself up here.

GUS: You smell that?

SHAWN: Dude, don't look at me.

GUS: It's sulfuric.

SHAWN: Gus, I am not the one who had the egg salad.

GUS: No, no, no. We manufactured something last year, heavy stuff. When it starts to go bad, smelled the same. You could pick out a bottle across the warehouse.

SHAWN: I can't smell anything!

GUS: Well, you don't have the super-smeller.

SHAWN: Gus! You have got to stop calling your nose the super-smeller. You wanna nickname a body part? Nickname your butt, man! Call it the "tightbouncer," or the "hexagon." Ladies are gonna dig that, i'm telling you.

GUS: It's there. It's right there. It's subtle, but it's right there.

SHAWN: Well, what is it?

GUS: I don't know. It's nothing we manufacture.

SHAWN: Aren't you supposed to know this kind of stuff?

GUS: Shawn, I sell pharmaceutical supplies, i'm not a scientist!

SHAWN: But you're saying it is something?

GUS: Yes, i'm pretty sure.

[Shawn picks up a take out container from the floor.]

GUS: Don't eat it!

SHAWN: What, do I look like an idiot?

[Shawn takes out a plastic baggie and takes some of the food.]
GUS: What... what... are you taking some to go?

SHAWN: [sarcastically] Yes! For the road! In case later on I get hungry enough to eat something that might be poisoned!

[Lassiter walks into the auditorium and Shawn and Gus duck so he can't see them.]

SECURITY GUARD: There are about four of them up there, and two on the other side.

LASSITER: What, you mean those two guys up there?

JULIET: Excuse me, hi, it's time. The press are ready.

LASSITER: Thank you. All right.

SHAWN: Man, we gotta go!

LASSITER: Sorry, could I just try that again? I kind of fumbled the "safe and secure" part.

NEWSWOMAN: Sure.

JULIET: Be sensitive.

LASSITER: Of course. [Into the microphone] The finals will continue tomorrow as scheduled. At this point, all indications are Mr. Cavanaugh was having a heart attack, stumbled forward, falling over the railing to his death. But we wanna assure everyone that this building is both safe and—

JULIET: Our sympathies go out to mr. Cavanaugh's family, and we would like to offer counseling to anyone who feels that they might need it.

GUS[off screen]: Who's the blonde?

SHAWN[off screen]: Lassiter's new partner. They transferred his girlfriend.

LASSITER: And again, we wanna ensure everyone coming out for this fantastic event that it is entirely safe.

GUS: Shawn! They're gonna stop investigating!

LASSITER: One last question, and then I really have to go wrap up this thing.

GUS: Do something!

REPORTER: Is there any word as to what Cavanaugh's big announcement was?

SHAWN: Moo goo gaI pan! Beef io mein, kung pao! Check the food! It was m*rder! Oh, did I just say all that out loud?

[Walking outside the venue.]

GUS: Shawn, you'll never find out what that is without a lab.

SHAWN: I'll get a lab.

GUS: A high-tech lab? Right now?

SHAWN: Maybe. I... might have a connection.

[Outside Henry Spencer's house.]

SHAWN:Yo!

HENRY: Shawn.

SHAWN:Hey, dad, great shirt!

HENRY: You want something.

SHAWN: Why do you always think I want something?

HENRY: Oh, you don't want anything. What a pleasant surprise.

SHAWN: Okay, you got me! I want something.

HENRY: I got a poker game in 45 minutes.

SHAWN: You still talk to Jim Syklan?

HENRY: Syklan? Sometimes. Why, what's he to you?

SHAWN: Is he still working at the regional crime lab out here?

HENRY: Last I checked. Why?

SHAWN: I need to know what this is. [Holding out the bag of food]

HENRY: It looks like a number 15 with chicken.

SHAWN: Dad, you made a joke! I think there's poison in it.

HENRY: Goodbye, Shawn.

[Henry closes the door. Shawn groans.]

SHAWN: It's just one time! Once!

HENRY: No cases, Shawn! I was painfully clear about that.

SHAWN: Oh, no, no, this isn't for a case. This is for a friend.

HENRY: Oh, friend, different. No!

SHAWN: Look, i'll do anything, whatever you want, it's one favor. Anything he can tell me about this would be very helpful, it's serious.

[Henry comes back outside]

HENRY: Shawn, this is really important to you?

SHAWN: Extremely.

HENRY: And you'll do anything?

SHAWN: Name it.

[Out by the garage.]

HENRY: [chuckling] Grab a saw.

SHAWN: What, now?

HENRY: Well, you said you'd do anything, right?

SHAWN: You know, most people will wait five, six whole minutes before they cash in a favor. I will not saw through bone for you.

HENRY: [Chuckling]

SHAWN: The doghouse? From eighth grade?

HENRY: Well, it's not really a doghouse. Not yet.

SHAWN: What do you want me to do?

HENRY: Finish it.

SHAWN: What, now?

HENRY: Or whenever you want your information. You got more wood out back, nails on the workbench, Home Depot's open till 9:00. Don't cut any corners.

SHAWN: You're insane!

HENRY: You're losing light. Make sure you lock up.

[Henry drives away in his truck.]

SHAWN: [shouting] It's creepy that you kept this!

[Santa Barbara— 1989, in a park.]

HENRY: Shawn, you've done absolutely nothing to convince me that you're responsible enough for a dog.

SHAWN: You'll never give me a chance.

HENRY: Chances are earned, Shawn.

SHAWN: You'll never let me earn it!

HENRY: Fair enough. You're gonna need a doghouse.

SHAWN: I saw one at the hardware store.

HENRY: No. No, no, no. You're gonna make it.

SHAWN: I can't.

HENRY: Well, it seems to me that somebody who thinks they're responsible enough for the life of an animal should certainly be able to construct a roof for the ratty little... thing.

SHAWN: All right, i'll make it. I'll make it right now.

[Santa Barbara— present day. Henry pulls up in his truck and gets out.]

HENRY: What is that?

SHAWN: "What is that? " It's the doghouse.

HENRY: No, it's not.

SHAWN: What are you talking about?

HENRY: I gave you specifications.

SHAWN: When?

HENRY: When I gave you the job.

SHAWN: In 1989?

HENRY: Shawn, you know as well as I do this is not what I asked for. Keep working. Don't be too loud. The neighbors are trying to sleep.

[Henry goes inside. Shawn kicks over his dog house and throws his tools. He takes off on his motorcycle.]

[Santa Barbara—1989. Shawn is working on a dog house when Henry arrives home.]

HENRY: You expect me to be okay with this?

SHAWN: I worked hard on it.

HENRY: Shawn, you've been at this for hours now. The nails aren't pounded in all the way, the base has gotta be up off the ground. If it rains, the rain's gonna flow right in. And who's gonna fit in through that door? That door's not high enough.

SHAWN: I built it, dad, what do you want me to do?

HENRY: I want you to do it right.

[He walks away.]

[Santa Barbara—present day. Shawn is riding his motorcycle at night when he is blinded and run off the road by an approaching car. He flies off his bike into grass on the side of the road.]

[Gus in a restaurant, watching the spelling bee on TV.]

GUS: Listen, Dr. Sloane, if I can get you this product this afternoon, would it be possible to sit down with you to discuss the...

CONTESTANT ON TV: m-a...

GUS: ...the unbelievable results we've been having...

CONTESTANT ON TV: ...o...

GUS: I'm sorry. Can I call you back? Thanks.

[He hangs up the phone, and writes something down. His phone rings again.]

GUS: Burton Guster. Shawn? You're in the hospital? What happened?

[Gus and Shawn walking down the hallway in the hospital.]

GUS: You call your dad?

SHAWN: [groaning] I'm fine. They're releasing me.

GUS: Did you call him?

SHAWN: Gus, I am not gonna talk to my dad.

GUS: He'd wanna know you're okay.

SHAWN: All he cares about are results. Just like those possessed spelling bee parents. You know what's wrong with this? All of this.

GUS: Shawn, you're delirious. You're upset. You lost control of your bike last night.

SHAWN: Gus, I didn't lose control of anything. Someone tried to k*ll me or send a very serious message.

[In Brendan's hospital room.]

MRS VU: Brendan appreciates you checking on him.

SHAWN: Well, we were in the neighborhood. And, Gus here is a huge fan. He almost won the spelling bee himself.

GUS: I took some bad advice.

MRS. VU: Well, Brendan's going home tomorrow. He's fine. He's more upset about missing the spelling bee.

SHAWN: Well, maybe they'll decide to redo the whole thing.

BRENDAN: Why'd they do that?

[In the hallway]

SHAWN: Did you see the inhaler?

GUS: Same one as that little Czech kid?

SHAWN: Get me a seating chart. I'll bet you I know who Brendan was sitting next to on day one.

GUS:I already checked it out.

SHAWN: Nice!

GUS: Shawn, something's going on with that Czech kid.

SHAWN: Talk to me.

GUS: The doctor on his inhaler, Dr. Zavin, in Ventura?

SHAWN: Yeah?

GUS: He doesn't exist. I do training on that route. The last doctor in the book is Youngerman. I double-checked it today.

SHAWN: You're saying that inhaler...

GUS: Is a fake.

[Shawn laughs]

GUS: Where you going?

SHAWN: I am going to build a doghouse!

[Shawn limps away. Cut to back outside the Spencer house.]

HENRY: I thought you gave up.

SHAWN: Yeah, well, it doesn't appear so, huh?

HENRY: What happened to your leg?

SHAWN: Absolutely nothing.

HENRY: You're running your roofing vertical there, huh?

SHAWN: Yeah.

HERNY: You might wanna pop a ridge beam in first.

SHAWN: Well, yeah, that's a given. What the hell are you doing?

HENRY: I'm gonna help you.

SHAWN: You've never helped me before, ever.

HENRY: You've never asked. Put a nail in here.

SHAWN: All right. This is weird.

[Later, inside Henry's house.He offers Shawn a drink.]

SHAWN: No, thanks.

HENRY: Not bad.

SHAWN: [scoffs] "Not bad"? It's like the park Hyatt for poodles. Will you call Jack Syklan? What is this?

HENRY: Your results. We had an agreement. This is a derivative of methyl parathion. High-grade stuff. Whatever you're into, I want you to get out quick. I'm not kidding.

SHAWN: Wait a sec. How did you get this so quickly?

HENRY: Hmm? Oh, Syklan's a part of my poker game.

SHAWN: So you didn't even have to call him?

HENRY: That game was at his house.

SHAWN: And I did all of that for nothing?

HENRY: For nothing? Shawn, you've never completed a thing in your life. Now you have.

[Inside the police station.]

KAREN: Poisoned?

SHAWN: I feel somebody poisoned his food. There is a styrofoam container, yes, and a... [groaning] "Happiness is a golden poem." What? [imitates cracking] A fortune cookie!

LASSITER: This is ridiculous.

JULIET: Is it?

KAREN: Mr. Spencer, what we have now points to a medical condition, not m*rder. All appearances show Mr. Cavanaugh having an anaphylactic reaction.

GUS: Not to be out of line, but that could be triggered by several types of poisons. Or altered medications.

LASSITER: Or shellfish, which he was allergic to.

KAREN: Those results will show up in the toxicology report, which we will have a copy of in approximately two weeks.

SHAWN: No, no, no! That'll be too late. All the contestants will be gone... [stumbling as he stands up] home. You won't be able to finish a real investigation. Chief, I sense this! Look, something got out of control and the perpetrator was willing to k*ll to cover it up!

KAREN: What proof do you have?

SHAWN: Only what I feel.

LASSITER: Why are you still listening to this crap?

SHAWN: Dude, what is your glitch?

LASSITER: You! You're my glitch! Look, he got nowhere with his little inhaler assignment, and then he tells the media that we had a m*rder scene! Cut him loose, Karen!

[Everyone stares.]

LASSITER: I mean, do whatever you think is best, chief.

GUS: Mr. Cavanaugh was gonna make an announcement. What about that?

JULIET: The director said he'd recently spoken of retiring.

SHAWN: That's not what he was gonna say.

LASSITER: Oh, you know?

SHAWN[mocking him]: I know.

KAREN: Mr. Spencer, I asked you to check in about the inhaler incident. If you or your partner have anything about that, I'd be happy to hear about it. Otherwise...

[Cut to Shawn in Gus in the hallway at the station. They are leaving, and Shawn is still limping.]

SHAWN: We gotta get back into the spellmaster's room.

GUS: You're serious?

SHAWN: Gus, the k*ller was there! There's gotta be some other piece of evidence inside.

[Shawn and Gus in the hallway at the Cabrillo.]

GUS: We're not gonna have time to get in there. Besides, it's locked.

SHAWN: We'll make it work. Whoa, whoa, whoa. How hard is it to get into this event without a ticket?

GUS: Impossible.

[Shawn notices the name tag for the new spellmaster on the railing, and that the man it belongs too is smoking in the parking lot.]

SHAWN: The new spellmaster. Check it out. It's exactly what I was hoping you'd say.

[Shawn shuts the door to the parking lot.]

GUS: You can't do that to him!

SHAWN: Gus, he has to learn sometime that smoking is bad for him.

[Back in the auditorium.]

TV ANNOUNCER: We're picking it up as a new round commences. A lot of excitement in the air. Ooh, yeah. The tension is becoming butyraceous, Bud.

[Shawn and Gus fumbling to get into the spellmaster's booth. Shawn bangs his leg on something and falls, yelling. Gus shushes him.]

SHAWN: I'm so sorry if my agonizing pain is inconveniencing you. [He notices a mark on the floor.] What's this?

GUS: It's a mark on a carpet. Let's go. Someone must have heard that.

MAN[on intercom]: Thirty seconds. Live to air. Positions, please.

GUS: Time's up, Shawn.

SHAWN: [Grunts]

GUS: Did you hear me, Shawn?

SHAWN: I've got something!

[He pulls a camera tripod out of the closet. And sets it up on the carpet.]

SHAWN: Yes!

MAN[on intercom]: Ten seconds. Prepare the next word.

SHAWN: That can't be right.

GUS: It doesn't mean anything, Shawn, let's go.

MAN[on intercom]: Broadcast in five, four, three, two...

SHAWN: [Adjusting the tripod] Maybe this direction.

MAN[on intercom]: Hello? We need the word now. Is everything okay? Leann, something's wrong, send security.

SHAWN: Uh, no, sorry for the delay. Give me a word!

GUS: A word?

SHAWN: Yeah! Something hard, but something you can spell.

GUS: I can spell anything.

SHAWN: Except "aggiornamento." Give me one!

GUS: No! You are not gonna be spellmaster!

SHAWN: Gus, give me a word so we can get out of here! We're so close!

MAN[on intercom]: Is everything okay up there?

SHAWN[into microphone]: It's fine. "Banana."

CONTESTANT: Can you repeat that?

SHAWN: Yes. "Banana. "

GUS: "Banana," Shawn? This is the third round!

SHAWN: You could have helped me!

GUS: This is a dead end, Shawn, we're walking. Let's go! [He tries to pull Shawn out of the room.]

CONTESTANT: Definition, please?

SHAWN: What? [Into microphone] A yellow fruit. Also, a kind of pudding. A delicious pudding.

CONTESTANT: Sentence, please?

SHAWN: [whispering] What is this? [Into microphone] "Anna banana would like to hear Venus by Bananarama. Banana. "

[Shawn gets up and continues to fiddle with the tripod.]

CONTESTANT: B-a-n-a-n-a. Banana.

[Audience applauds]

SHAWN: Oh, wait a second, I've got something! Dude, we got him! He was watching the Czech.

GUS: Let me see.

MAN[on intercom]: We need to get the next word.

SHAWN: Give me a word.

GUS:No! You're ruining the whole event!

SHAWN: Suit yourself. [Into microphone] "Onion. "

GUS: "Onion? "

CONTESTANT: "Onion? "

BUD COLLINS: "Onion?" Even Dan Quayle could spell that.

CONTESTANT: O-n-i-o-n. Onion.

[Audience applauding]

MAN[on intercom]: Are we off the list, Bill?

SHAWN: No, everything's fine.

GUS: You're using his grocery list!

SHAWN: You refused to help me! Now I gotta give them something else. [Into microphone] "Mitchum. "

[Audience laughing]

CONTESTANT: "Mitchum"?

SHAWN: [In microphone] Yes. "When I go to Albertsons, I need to buy some Mitchum ice blast. And bananas. "

[Lobby of building]

BILL: That wasn't me! I was locked outside. I have a reputation to uphold!

GUS: So he was watching the Czech, we have no proof. There was no film in the camera!

SHAWN: He was using that lens for something else besides taking pictures. Now, what?

GUS: Cavanaugh was known for ferreting out rule breakers. He once caught a kid stealing the advance word list. And everything he did had a purpose.

[Shawn picks up a pamphlet of past words.]

SHAWN: You couldn't have grabbed one of these five minute ago?

TV ANNOUNCER: We're down to the final two spellers. This has been a hard-fought battle right from the start! We've had tragedy, controversy, but when it really mattered, these kids put together a fantastic display of the power of learning.

GUS: [scoffs] Look at this. Brendan Vu went down on "gladiolus."

SHAWN: So?

GUS: So? If i'd been able to see any of the competition, I could have told you that was the winning word from the first spelling bee in 1929.

SHAWN: Okay, you're scaring me again.

GUS: All of these words from that round were the winning words. They do that once in a while, they make it a theme round. This one won the 1985 bee, this one from 1943.

SHAWN: Gus, what are you saying?

GUS: Guess which kid got the winning word from 1953? You're staring at his father.

SHAWN: Gus, that's who Cavanaugh was gonna disqualify. That's what he was tracking in the rulebook! 1-9-5-3! It was 1953.

ANNOUNCER: Jiri Prochazka, you have the next word. "Mastoparietal. "

JIRI: Part of speech?

ANNOUNCER: It is an adjective.

JIRI: [Stammering] Could I have the definition?

ANNOUNCER: Yes. "Relating to the mastoid portion of the temporal bone, and to the parietal lobe. "

JIRI: M...a-s-t...o-p-a-r-i...

[Shawn, watching the contestant's father, who is tapping his palm in morse code.]

SHAWN: I got him.

GUS: Let's call the chief.

ANNOUNCER: And this year's winner of the Central California Regionals is Jiri Prochazka!

[The audience applauds, Gus lets the Chief, Lassiter and O'Hara in the back doors. Shawn cheers loudly from the stage.]

SHAWN: Yeah! Move out, people, this is what you came to see, right here. This is it! Yes! This competition meant everything to Miklous!

[He takes the hands of the boy and his father, then starts shaking violently.]

SHAWN: Oh, boy! Gus! Gus, here we go! Gus, it's happening! [Groaning] I know who k*lled Elvin Cavanaugh.

KAREN: Can't he ever just tell us to arrest someone?

JULIET: He does this a lot?

KAREN & LASSITER: Yes.

SHAWN: [panting] I'm sorry. I'm kind of a sl*ve to my visions. I'm a sl*ve.

LASSITER: Do you want me to cuff him?

KAREN: Why would I want that?

LASSITER: Just a suggestion.

SHAWN: They just sort of come when they wanna come, and...Jiri. Spell "soubrette."

MR. PROCHAZKA: Why is this man speaking?

SHAWN: You can't, can you? Not without help from your dad. And that's not a real inhaler, is it?

MR. PROCHAZKA: This is crazy, this...this...

[Shawn explains the case, while having a "psychic vision." We are shown scenes of what he's explaining.]

SHAWN: Cheating was Cavanaugh's obsession. He was gonna expose you as a cheater. He was gonna disqualify Jiri, and you knew it, and you couldn't let that happen. You had way too much to lose. You slipped into the box. You knew his comfort was food! He was dangerously unhealthy! Oh... He's starting to go into shock. You knew he wouldn't stop the bee! He never stops the bee! By the end of the round, it was too late! Too dizzy to walk, he stumbles... he tumbles over the rail, crashes to the chairs below. And there goes the evidence. Except for one thing. That inhaler. It sends electronic signals! The transmitter is in your jacket. You sent the signals from the audience to the stage. And I bet at your home, we'll find the van that ran me off the road when I alerted the police! Dangerous cocktail, unforgiving poisons.

JULIET: You don't need it. I took your advice. I ran the Chinese food through the lab, nothing's definite. I'm sorry. He just seemed sure. I took a shot.

KAREN: I'll take it from here.

[The parking lot outside the theater, where Jiri and his father are being escorted into police cruisers.]

GUS: I could've won that thing.

SHAWN: Yeah, you could've. Thank the Lord you didn't.

GUS: What is that supposed to mean?

SHAWN: Oh, Gus. The guy who wins? Saddled forever as, you know, the dude that won the spelling bee. I'm sure you would've dealt with it later, but kids, high school kids, especially, they're just ruthless, judgmental. Horrible little bastards. You wouldn't have been able to date a cheerleader. They wouldn't have invited you to any parties. You'd have been the object of ridicule. I mean, this way, you got to be a smart kid and a cool kid. Best of both worlds.

GUS: That's true. I appreciate that, Shawn.

SHAWN: Yeah, it's a nice balance. That's why I had to give you the wrong letter.

GUS: You knew that was wrong?

SHAWN: Oh, come on, Gus. "Aggiornamento"? Everybody knew it was an "i". All right, you hold on. You were happy one second ago.

GUS: I was about to win! I studied for three months.

SHAWN: [Backing away] Yeah, and you would have kept studying forever and ever! All the way till nationals! But you're upset now, I can see that. But you'll be fine with it later.

GUS: You know what that did to me?

[Gus starts chasing Shawn around the trees.]

SHAWN: Yes, yes, I do. We went out the next night, and you were so flustered that you threw caution to the wind, and you hooked up with Melinda Castleburg! It was nice!

GUS: Come here, Shawn!

SHAWN: At least I was honest.

GUS: Come here!

[Shawn knocks excessively on the front door of his father's house. Henry opens the door.]

HENRY: Ah, Shawn, what a coincidence. Yeah, I was just reading the newspaper, a little article that sounded very familiar about a spelling bee.

SHAWN: Thanks for the help, Dad.

HENRY: Police ever get that evidence?

SHAWN: Yeah, a funny little bird tipped them off.

HENRY: Leg doing better?

SHAWN: It's getting there, doesn't hurt so bad. Listen, Dad, the thing about the house, the dog, it was kind of a big deal. And I know I held a grudge about it for a while. But I think you were right. A dog needs a house, and a doghouse needs an occupant, so as a token of my appreciation, I left you a little something. Sincerely, thanks.

[He turns and leaves the porch. Henry follows to see a small dog in his yard, along with Shawn's finished dog house.]

HENRY: Shawn. Shawn! No. No way!

SHAWN[off screen]: Enjoy, Dad.

HENRY: Shawn, you gotta take this thing with you!

SHAWN: [locking the gate to Henry's yard] You kidding? There's no pets allowed in my apartment! [He runs away]

HENRY: I'm gonna stick it on the street, Shawn! I swear i'm gonna stick... Shawn! Shawn!

[Shawn catches up with Gus, laughing maniacally.]

GUS: He's not gonna keep that thing, you know.

SHAWN: It's my neighbor's dog.

HENRY[off screen]: Shawn!

SHAWN: Take a lap around the block. Let him stew a little bit.

HENRY[holding the dog]: I'm gonna take it, and i'm gonna go, and i'm gonna stick it on the street! Shawn! Shawn!

[Outro music and credits]