01x01 - Keep on Truckin'

[bunniefuu]

What was this,
tuna casserole or potato salad?

Doesn't matter.
It's just stuff in mayonnaise.

It's been three weeks
since Granny Rose's funeral.

Why are people still giving us casseroles?

And why do people bring casseroles
when somebody dies?

It's actually a practical gift.

When people are grieving,
they don't want to have to cook.

What about when the casseroles run out?

What if the person who died
is the only one who cooked?

Then we keep telling people we're grieving

until we figure out how to feed ourselves.

I just feel bad it's taken us so long

- to give them their dishes back.
- That's right.

Other people are dying.

And their relatives are getting casseroles

in plastic Tupperware, so...

It's not like the Grim Reaper
is getting a cup of coffee

while we're piddling around here.

Do we have to keep talking
about death all the time?

Just keeps reminding me of Grandma.

Here. You go rest, hon. I got that.

Hey, thanks.

We could not have held this all
together without you, you know.

Well, that's why I'm here.

I know Roseanne would want me to step in

and watch over the family.

No, it'd k*ll her.

But she's already dead, so carry on.

No mother should ever
have to bury her own child.

Mom, you're .

You're gonna see all of us die,

and then you're gonna get buried by a robot.

Hey, everybody.

- Geena!
- Hey!

- Geena!
- Hey!

- Welcome home.
- Hi.

I'm sorry I missed the funeral.

The airport in Afghanistan
was under attack for awhile.

Still faster than O'Hare.

This is all just fruits and vegetables.

If you don't eat right,

your heart can attack you, like Granny Rose.

Oh, I got to take this.

I just finished cleaning out Mom's dresser.

Remember how she was always complaining

that she didn't have any necklaces to wear?

Here they are.

Dad?

You got to start sleeping in your bed.

Sleeping on the couch
every night's bad for your back.

I just dozed off watching TV.

Not the end of the world.

I read an article
in the dermatologist's office

that said it's very common

for people not to want to sleep in a bed

that someone died in.

Fascinating.

About that,

you ever read anything
that anyone wants to hear?

No. Usually not, no.

Geena, how long before you have to go back

to Afghanistan?

Oh, they only give you a five-day leave

for the death of a loved one.

Aunt Darlene says that Granny Rose

might come back as a bird or a grasshopper.

That's really sweet.

But I think Aunt Darlene
should put away her yoga pants

and pick up a Bible.

Uh, not that crazy, really.
Just reincarnation.

Only about a billion people believe in it.

Well, you better
make your reservation in Hell, then,

'cause it's gonna be crowded.

Reservation? We already have a cabana.

Dan, can I talk to you for a minute?

I just got a call from a friend
in the coroner's office.

The autopsy found
that it wasn't a heart attack.

Roseanne O.D.'d on opioids.

Not possible.

We knew she had a problem.

She was only on pain pills
for two days after surgery.

Then it was just ibuprofen.

It's got to be wrong.

Well, I wish it was, but they think that

she must've taken the pills right before bed,

and with her health issues,

it was enough to stop her breathing.

Wait, what?

Mom overdosed?

That doesn't make any sense.

I got her knees fixed.

I flushed all her pills.

Oh, my God.

I found these pills in Mom's closet.

Well, these aren't even prescribed to her.

She got them from Marcy Bellinger.

Damn.

That's the only thing from Mom's closet
that I wanted.

I cannot believe how far past due they are

on some of these.

Maybe we should just tell the bill collectors

that Mom died.

Don't you remember Mom used that herself

like five times?

Yeah, but I feel like

we could really sell it this time.

Are we horrible for laughing?

Well, I'm tired of crying.

And laughing inappropriately

is what Mom taught us to do.

I still can't believe she O.D.'d.

You know what? I can't do bills right now.

I got to finish my split shift
at the restaurant.

Well, all right, but we got to get this done,

so let's pick it up Friday night.

I can't. I have a date.

Okay, fine. Saturday morning.

I just told you
I have a date on Friday night.

Becky, you can't stay vertical
for one more day?

Look, maybe you can handle this.

I can't.

I went through it when Mark died.

I don't want to do it again.

You're not gonna just dump

all of Mom and Dad's stuff on me, okay?

I've got two kids. I've got a full-time job.

No.

You're the obvious choice
to take over for Mom.

You already live here,

and you're a scary, little tyrant.

You're just gonna compliment me and walk out?

You're right.

I'm gonna get my phone

and find someone to cover my shift.

I'm gonna do what's right.

You're too trusting!
You might want to work on that!

Hey, you and Aunt Becky need to make up.

What if she died and the
last thing you ever did was fight?

Oh, hey.

Are you thinking about how
you and Granny Rose fought a lot

before she died?

Kinda.

You know, families fight,

but we know that we always love each other.

And, plus, it's in all those letters

that Granny Rose left each one of us.

Granny Rose wrote everyone a letter?

Oh, God. Maybe not everyone.

You suck!

I might die tomorrow. Don't be mean.

What are you doing?

Huh? Um...

Roseanne always wanted to do this,

and so I thought that with all the company
that we've had recently

and the... prior years of unattended filth,

um, this would be a good time
to fulfill her dream.

Uh, when will it be dry?

I was gonna zone out
in front of the TV for a bit.

Uh, it takes, uh, three to five days.

I thought about what I said,

and I realized it was
insulting and dismissive.

I see that now,

because I need a ride to work.

Sorry for your loss. It's on the house.

I appreciate it.

Um, does your sympathy extend
to close friends?

No.

This is domestic.

My loss is deeper than that.

I think it goes all the way to Germany.

You got it.

Dad?

What is this?

What's it look like?

It looks like a lawsuit.

You can't do this.

I-I just took it off the side of your truck.

People are taking pictures.

That's the point. Put it back.

Look, I know that you're upset,

but this isn't gonna help.

It's helping me.

Now, I can either do this

or drive my truck through her house.

Don't.

My boyfriend did that,

and he's having so much trouble
getting his license back.

Thank you. Let's go, Chuck.

The, um, "truck through the house" thing,

that's just an expression, right?

Grandpa, this is Enrique and Joey.

Hello, men.

Listen, you guys can play in here.

I got stuff to do in the garage.

You don't have to go.

They're leaving
'cause they have to do homework.

They just came in to get a drink.

Really sorry to hear about your wife,
Mr. Conner.

Thank you, son.

People die. What are you gonna do?

Seen a little too much action in Nam, Joey?

See you tomorrow.

Hey, that's our cup.

All right.

I'll be out in the garage, buddy.

Okay.

Can I ask you something first?

Sure, if it's quick.

Granny Rose and I were talking about

this field trip I'm going on Friday,

and we never got to finish.

There's these two kids who
want me to sit next to them on the bus,

and she was gonna help me
figure out who to pick,

'cause whoever I sit next to,

it kind of means I like them.

This doesn't sound quick.

Are any of them boys?

Yeah... Enrique and Joey.

Would you like to talk about death some more?

I just need to make a decision right away.

It's really important.

I got to be honest with you, pal.

There's a reason that your mom
and Aunt Becky

went to Grandma for all this stuff.

It's a measure of my deep affection for you

that I haven't run out of the room already.

- Grandpa Dan?
- Yeah?

Did you ever like a boy?

No.

- Does it bother you that I do?
- No!

I was kind of waiting for you
to tell me about it.

Sorry I took so long.

Okay, don't let it happen again.

I hope everyone is enjoying the movie.

I'm having a blast sitting on this hard chair

paying bills on a plastic tray

stolen from Hometown Buffet.

At least you don't have a wet ass
from sitting on the couch.

Oh, did I forget to tell you
Aunt Jackie washed the couch?

Oops.

- You coulda told me.
- Yes, I could have.

I'm gonna go get some more coffee.

Anybody?

I'll go with you.

Don't touch anything. I've got a system.

What are you doing?

I am making life easier

with a kitchen work-triangle concept
that I saw on TV.

So, the flow should be

from the 'frigerator
to the stove to the sink.

Therefore, the coffee maker,

which needs milk from the fridge,

coffee from a canister next to the stove,

and water from the sink,

should be in the geometric heart
of the triangle,

which is...

right here.

Where do we plug it in?

Yeah. Yeah.

Um...

I will go into the basement.

I will drill a hole
through the kitchen floor,

install a decorative pipe,

which we can paint to match
the ceiling or the floor,

run a cable up through the pipe,

drill a hole through the center
of the kitchen table,

install an outlet.

Bam! We're making coffee!

I think you've had enough coffee.

Uh, you know what?

Um, why don't you go home
and get some sleep?

- I'm gonna need you for the long haul.
- Hmm?

No! No, I'm fine.

I mean, I've got the time right now

to do these things for you.

I just need to finish.

Yeah, you've done so much already.

I mean, we can't sit on the couch
or use the kitchen.

I think that's a pretty good start.

Mm-hmm.

Oh.

Oh.

Where did these come from?

Yeah, I found them
in an ice pack in the freezer.

God. So Mom was just hiding pills all over?

Yeah. I knew you'd be upset.

I was gonna throw them away,

but I forgot where I put
the trash can 'cause...

I mean, once something gets
outside the triangle,

it's... it's... I mean...

Can I help you?

I'm Marcy Bellinger.

Can I speak with Dan Conner, please?

I got this.

You got a hell of a lot of nerve
showing up here.

Please take that sign off of your truck.

No.

Everybody's seen it already.

You made your point.

They all hate me.

I can't eat.

I'm drinking myself to sleep.

I have to live with this
for the rest of my life.

Isn't that enough for you?

My wife's gone. What do you think?

Nobody can afford their meds.
We all help each other.

When... Sally Benson needed LIPITOR

for her husband's cholesterol,

they got some from Maria Ramirez,

and they gave her the anxiety meds
she needed for her son

because they dropped her insurance.

Rosie needed painkillers.

I had some, so I gave them to her.

So?

You're part of a neighborhood drug ring.

Congratulations to you!

You know what, Dan?

You can judge. But Roseanne called me.

She told me that her knee
wasn't healing up fast enough

and I was the only person she could turn to.

She said that she needed those pain pills

to get back to work 'cause
you guys were running out of money.

Don't you try to put this off on me.

You gave her the pills. She took them.

She died! You k*lled her!

Dad, stop.

We just found another stash in the freezer.

It's not just Marcy.

Mom was getting pills from lots of people.

I never would have given them to her

if I knew she had a problem.

I know what it's like to...
to have that problem, so...

I just...

I'm sorry.

Darlene, can you drive Marcy home?

Yeah.

You okay?

I don't know.

Who am I supposed to be mad at now?

I thought Marcy Bellinger
was a pretty good choice,

until she ruined it by being
all sad and human and stuff.

How are you doing?

Wish I would've known, you know?

It wouldn't have mattered, baby.

She was gonna do what she was gonna do.

She never listened
to a damn person in her life.

Well, she should've, you know?

'Cause I still need her.

I just want to call her and say,

"How am I supposed to do all this?"

Your mother once told me
that everything you needed,

she gave to you before you were .

I have no idea what that means.

Yeah, I never could figure it out, either.

Think it's something
she got off a Snapple cap.

Man, she was stubborn.

You know, I couldn't even
get her to close her robe

when she'd go out
to get the paper in the morning,

and it was the neighbor's paper.

You know what?

The hell with it.

I'm still gonna blame Marcy.

Your mom would be proud of you.

There's no place for the corn holders.

They're not cooking tools.
They're not utensils.

I tried putting them with the jello molds.

That made no damn sense.

It's okay, Aunt Jackie.

I just wanted to step in, you know?

I just wanted to step in

and pick up where Roseanne left off

and give you guys everything that you need,

but I'm just looking for things to do.

I'm packing and unpacking drawers.

Nothing belongs anywhere.

I don't even know where I belong.

I... I don't want to go home.

I don't want to leave this house,

'cause... 'cause I...

I don't want to leave her.

It's okay. It's okay, Aunt Jackie.

You know what?

It's hard for all of us,

and you're just exhausted.

You just go home, okay?

You come back tomorrow,

and she'll still be here.

Okay?

Yeah, but... but you need help.

Oh, I'll be fine, you know.

And if you need anything tonight,

you just call me, okay?

Anytime.

Okay.

'Cause I just want to make sure
that you're okay.

It hurts.

I know, hon.

It's gonna hurt for a quite a while.

No, corn holders in my shoulder.

Oh, yeah. Sorry.

Sorry.

Yeah.

Okay.

So...

I think I should go home.

Yeah, you know,

D.J. took Grandma Bev home a while ago.

She's probably worried about you.

Well, that's never really been my experience.

Yo, Junior, come here.

What's up, Grandpa?

Listen, my head wasn't in the game before,

but now I'm gonna help you.

What's this?

We're gonna list the best qualities

of the two guys you're considering
as a seat mate

and compare.

Joey, Enrique.

Fill in the blanks.

"Joey is..."

Mostly depressed and kind of sarcastic.

"I like him because he..."

Wears black all the time.

I see a pattern emerging here.

Okay.

Same list for Enrique.

Sweet and funny, a robotics champ.

He's always fun.

Does his family have money?

I don't know.

They go on vacation and come back with tans.

Florida people. I love it.

Thank you, Grandpa. This really helped.

Who's it gonna be?

I like Joey.

Joey? Are you crazy?!

Enrique's a keeper!

You don't leave an Enrique on the table

when he's available.

Still like Joey.

What's going on?

Grandpa helped me pick a seat partner
for the field trip.

He picked the dark, brooding one.

Ah, point for my team.

Trust me, Mark, being around
dark and brooding gets old real quick.

Uh, how about growing up with a drama queen

that thinks she's all that
because she got boobs first?

Who got boobs at all.

How about having two older sisters

who suck all the air out of the room

until you're practically invisible?

Becky, did you hear something?

No.

Harris, you hear anything?

Don't drag me into your weird mind games.

Has anybody even noticed
how much better the flow is

between the 'frigerator and the sink?

I'm glad you called that to my attention.

I'll look now.

Anybody?

- Did you notice it?
- I did, actually.