Hey.
Oh, about time you got here.
I thought you forgot.
No way!
Oh, good, well,
um, I made dinner
and we'll be back about : .
Oh, okay.
Okay. Thank you, honey.
All right. Great hair.
Thank you, honey.
All right, have a great time.
All right, thanks.
Say hi to everybody.
I will.
(DOOR CLOSES)
Where's Mommy going?
(MURMURS) I don't know.
Hmm.
Well...
(SNIFFING)
Okay. So,
how was your day?
I know what George in my class likes to eat.
Tuna. But not always.
George has a small mouth.
Do you like raisins?
I don't like raisins.
George's head is small.
You have a big head, Daddy.
George taught me a song.
(SINGING BAD BOYS)
(CONTINUES SINGING
BAD BOYS REPEATEDLY)
I know someone who found
a bug in their pudding.
They almost ate it.
But they didn't.
I ate a bug once.
(SIGHS)
How much does it
cost to be Batman?
(DOOR OPENING)
(EXCLAIMS IN RELIEF)
(SOFTLY) Hey.
How'd it go with Ruby? Great.
Oh, good.
I have so much to tell you.
You know who was there?
Doreen Feldman.
Oh, you know the brakes are
making that squeaky sound again,
so you really have to
go get that checked.
So, anyway, Doreen's
brother-in-law's in town.
And you know her husband
Richard just hates him.
Oh, honey,
they had the best cream cheese cookies.
Do you like those?
(EXCLAIMS)
Oh, baby!
Can we have chocolate milk?
Not now. It'll
spoil your dinner.
No fair.
Mommy, what's ovaries?
All right, just drink
it in your room.
(BOTH GIRLS) Yay!
But don't make a mess.
I just cleaned the carpet.
I just parked the truck!
Hey, honey, guess what?
No, no, honey.
Please, I am going crazy here.
I'm trying to choose fabric for
the new curtains in the bedroom,
and we really need to
pick the right one,
because we're going to be
looking at it for a long time.
We got curtains in the bedroom?
Yes, honey.
Would you please help?
Why do we need curtains?
I don't have anything to hide.
Yeah, about that. The neighbors
called about the dancing again.
Well, for every one complaint there's
two people watching who love it.
Okay. Now, how much would you
expect to pay for a digital camera
that takes still pictures
and video?
Three hundred?
Four hundred?
Five hundred, you say?
Jim. Jim. We just went through this
last week with a bag of Doritos.
Right.
What did you do?
I...
...got this little sweetheart
here for bucks.
Wow. Does this one
have insides?
Yes.
Uh, Dave Walker,
I bought it from him.
He got a new one
for a wedding present.
Where's my chocolate milk?
Dave Walker?
I'm serious.
I had two boxes in here.
What? Wait.
The same Dave Walker who dumped Dana?
Yeah, I guess he's unloading
all his old crap.
Well, we do need a new camera.
Do you know how to work this?
Oh, yeah. I read the manual
while I was driving home.
Honey!
Well, I had a seatbelt on...
Here. Check this out.
There's still some pictures stored in it.
Who's that?
That's Dave's new wife.
He dumped Dana to marry that?
Where's her neck?
Ha!
Would you look at those ankles?
Oh! A mustache! Oh!
Dana is gonna feel so much better
about herself when she sees these.
You've got to save them.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.
How about this thing though, huh?
No film. No tape.
No nothing.
Just this little magic brain.
I think this camera is the greatest
thing that's ever happened to me.
Well... Honey?
Come on. What about,
you know, meeting me,
getting married,
having our kids?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's all a rich tapestry.
Okay. Come on,
come on, come on.
All right, you
just won the lottery.
Now you just realized, "Oh,
my God, I lost my ticket!"
That's it.
Hot babe, o'clock!
Yeah?
So, you swear to God
I'm cuter than her?
Oh, yes!
But is she sunny?
'Cause Dave said I wasn't sunny enough.
Well, Dave is wrong.
You are the sunniest person I know.
And I met Goldie Hawn once.
No! Where'd you meet her?
Uh, I don't remember.
Somewhere.
No, no, no.
How could you forget that?
Oh, all right!
I made it up!
Jim, show Dana the picture.
Oh, yeah. Sure.
Here's one of Andy wearing the kids'
pool on his head like a sombrero.
No, honey. The picture
of Dave Walker's wife.
Oh, I deleted those.
What? Yeah. No, no.
They're long gone, honey.
But didn't you hear me
ask you to save those?
Yeah, yeah, but there wasn't
enough space in the memory,
so I had to let them go.
(DANA GRUNTS)
I specifically asked you
to save those.
What is the matter with you?
What are you getting all
bent out of shape for?
You totally blew me off!
Honey, they were just
a bunch of pictures
of a woman you
didn't even know.
And Dana wanted to see those.
And now she can't.
And she is very upset!
Dave dumped her, Jim.
She is devastated!
Well, not really.
It was just one good crying out.
He dumped you and you're devastated.
Now zip it.
The point is you didn't give a damn
about what was important to me.
Well, I would've, honey,
if it was actually important.
Who are you to decide
what's important?
Okay, Cheryl.
You know, there's a one-to-ten
scale on what's important. Okay?
One being the lowest, ten
being the highest. Okay?
And everything
to you is a nine.
Okay? The kids'
shoes, a nine.
Spatulas, a nine.
Bedroom curtains, a nine.
I'm here to tell you that,
matching throw pillows, a two.
You've got to know
where to put things.
I know where I'd like
to put one thing.
That'd be a on my scale.
Jim, look at me.
When something is important to me,
you need to respect that.
I know but sometimes the things
that are important to you
are just stupid!
(CHUCKLING) I am
so glad I'm not you.
And not just now,
I mean always.
Okay. Give me the look that says,
"I just pissed off my wife."
Give me that!
Gracie pulled my hair!
She called me stupid!
Well, you are!
Girls, if you don't
stop fighting,
the police are gonna
come and take you to jail.
Do you want to go to jail?
Yeah.
How about the dentist?
Do you want to go to the dentist?
(BOTH SCREAMING) No!
Cheryl, Cheryl,
where's my camera?
Why don't you look in the
last three places you were?
The fridge, the bathroom,
and the fridge.
Actually, I find Jim's
consistency rather comforting.
I got your back.
Oh, you know, honey,
I have seen your camera.
Where?
Where was it?
Oh, I know.
In the trash.
I threw it out.
Oh! That is so good.
Isn't it?
I know.
All right, very funny. Come on.
Really, where is it?
I told you.
It's in the trash.
Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
Was that important to you?
You know, 'cause it just
wasn't important to me.
Well, I wouldn't say it wasn't important.
It was like a two.
Cheryl, I know you wouldn't
throw that camera in the trash.
Mmm-mmm. Why don't you ask
Andy what happened to Bobo?
Oh, you wanna talk Bobo?
Oh, yeah.
Let's talk Bobo.
Who's Bobo?
When I was a kid, I had a wind-up monkey
that would bang its cymbals together.
Cheryl hated that sound.
Or maybe she hated the
joy that it brought me.
Either way, one morning I woke up, Bobo was gone.
She said she threw it out.
That's what I do.
All right.
I see what you're doing here.
You want me to crawl
around in the trash,
get all stinky and dirty, make a fool
of myself, to teach me "a lesson."
But, Cheryl, I'm not
gonna play that game.
That's a game
that I don't play.
All right, Jim. That's fine.
Suit yourself.
But, you know, if the
trash guys are on time
and, you know,
they usually are...
Mmm-hmm. They're going to
be here, oh, very soon.
(LAUGHING)
Cheryl, your little
plan is gonna backfire.
Because you tried to cram a lesson
down my throat and that never works.
Just ask my fourth
grade history teacher.
She was in the nuthouse
by Thanksgiving.
Sit down, my good friend, Andy.
I don't mind if I do, Jim.
Yes! Andy and I are
gonna sit here
and not learn a damn thing.
We may even forget
stuff we already know.
All right, Jim.
That's fine.
(MIMICS GARBAGE
TRUCK ENGINE)
(MIMICS GARBAGE
TRUCK HORN)
Nice try.
Not yet. Not yet.
Now!
Well, I'm sorry,
is it break time?
I didn't hear the whistle.
We can't find
the camera, Daddy.
Oh, that's a great
attitude, Gracie.
How would you like it if Christopher
Columbus had that attitude, huh?
We wouldn't be here right now with the
privilege of going through this garbage.
We hate this.
Come here a minute.
I'll tell you what.
If you find the camera, I'll
make a bracelet out of those
loose chicken bones for you.
Yay!
Yay!
My girls!
Oh, I don't believe you!
All right, that's it.
We're taking a bath.
All right. I'll take
a bath with you,
but I'm still mad
about the camera.
I was talking
about the girls, Hef.
All right, Ruby, Gracie, upstairs.
Come on.
You cannot make the kids
do your dirty work.
Well, then,
why did we have them?
So that I have someone on my side
when it's time to put you in a home.
Well, that's that. That's all the bins.
There is no camera.
No. You gotta
keep looking.
Good luck.
Oh, by the way, watching you
go crazy over this camera,
that's a .
She's really
messing with me now.
I know she couldn't
throw away a $ camera.
It's gotta be hidden
in here somewhere.
Oh, no, Jim. Give it up.
She's too good.
You're never gonna find it.
Oh, why don't you just
tell her you screwed up
and she'll give you
the camera back?
No, no, no. That's exactly
what she wants me to do.
No. She's really
pushing this thing.
You know what that tells me?
That's she's got
a really good point?
No. That she's
a worthy adversary.
I just have to take the
offensive, that's all.
Trust me.
I'm gonna find that camera, Andy.
Right. Cool.
Hey, so how you gonna do it?
I'm gonna do some
serious thinking.
I may even take a piece of paper
and a pencil in the john with me.
What're you doing?
Nothing, Jim.
This is my nothing time.
I have five more minutes of nothing
before I need to start dinner.
Okay.
What do you want?
I just noticed that
your car was dirty.
And I thought I'd
take it for a wash.
Honey, thank you.
The keys are in my purse.
Where's your purse?
Where it always is, by the...
It was just there.
Wonder where it could be?
What a conundrum.
You heard what I said.
Jim.
Mmm-hmm?
What did you do with my purse?
(LAUGHING) Maybe...
Maybe I threw it out.
Well, then, you threw
out your wallet,
because you asked me to
hold it for you last night.
Maybe I took the wallet out of the
purse before I threw it away.
Show me your wallet.
I don't have to
show you my wallet.
I'm the one holding
the cards here, baby.
And how does that feel?
Does it burn?
Of course it does.
That's why I'm willing
to make you a deal.
Your purse for my camera.
Oh, damn it, Jim.
You bested me.
Have I?
(SIGHS)
Wow. All right, do you mind
if I make a quick phone call?
Sure. Sure. Sure.
Run it by your people.
Get a second opinion.
Even a m*rder*r gets one call.
(DIALING)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Ow!
(GRUNTS)
(WHOOPS)
How does it feel, Jim?
Does it burn?
Oh, and, sweetie,
would you make sure they do
that shiny thing to the tires?
I like that.
Fine. I just hope I don't
lose the keys on the way.
(GASPS) Oh!
(GRUNTING)
Oh, I can't believe it!
Can't believe it! Can't...
(LAUGHING)
That's funny. Andy's Bobo used
to jump around just like that.
Dana. Dana, come on.
I know you know
where that camera is.
(SIGHS) What's it gonna take
for you to spill the beans?
Jim, if you want to end this,
why don't you just pay attention
to what's important to your wife?
Ten bucks.
Twenty.
Fifteen. That's as high
as I'm authorized to go.
Twenty.
All right.
Fine. Twenty.
Pushy, huh?
She just cleaned me out!
Wait a minute, wait a
minute, wait a minute.
I got an emergency
stash right here.
Ugh. Oh, God!
There.
All right, just drop it in.
And don't let it
touch the sides.
Okay, okay.
Where is it?
Go to where she
keeps the detergent.
Over there!
All right. Turn around.
And go like this!
Bye-bye, Bobo!
Oh, man. I've been looking
at these books for a week.
I cannot look
at another fabric.
Why don't you just close your eyes and
pick one like you did with your husband?
Cheryl, you have to come in
the living room and see this.
It is so cute.
(LAUGHING) Oh!
Aw!
Cheryl, isn't this the most adorable
thing you've ever seen in your life?
Dana, look!
Oh, my God!
Go ahead, girls.
Go ahead and show them.
Oh! I wanna take a nap, Cheryl.
Not until you mow
the lawn, Jim.
Nag, nag, nag.
(JIM LAUGHING)
Oh, they're just so cute!
I could just eat you up.
If only there was some way
we could digitally preserve
this moment in time.
Oh!
All right, Jim.
I know what you're doing.
I'm not doing anything, Cheryl.
No, these things
happened just by chance.
Oh.
Hey, girls.
You want a box of kittens?
BOTH GIRLS: Yay!
Oh, look at the kittens!
Don't get too attached.
They go back to the store in an hour.
Would you stop trying to get your camera?
I don't have it.
Oh! But,
Cheryl, kitties!
What is wrong with you?
What? Nothing!
Bribing my sister?
Hiding my purse?
Renting a box of cats?
You know, if you spent
half the amount of time
trying to figure out what's going on with me...
Excuse me, guys.
I...
as you did planning all this,
you would have had
your camera days ago.
Guys... Oh!
So you did hide the camera.
Yes. You didn't throw
it in the trash.
Well, at least we're
making some progress here.
So I hid it.
Are you happy...
Guys! Kyle just
started walking!
Oh, Andy, come on.
I'm not gonna fall for that.
JIM: I've got to find it.
Cheryl, Kyle really is walking!
Oh, my God! Oh, get the camera!
Get the camera!
I don't know where it is!
Oh! I'll get it!
Keep him walking!
That's it. Okay,
come on, Kyle!
Okay, come here, Kyle.
Come to Auntie Dana!
No, no, no, you're losing him!
You're losing him!
Come to Daddy.
Come on, walk to me, Son.
RUBY: Hurry,
Mommy, hurry!
Uh, Kyle, like this.
Like this, Kyle!
No, no, no, Kyle. Don't walk like that.
Walk like a boy.
Uh-oh! Out of the way!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Do it now.
Hurry, hurry up!
We're losing him!
We're losing him!
Oh! Come on.
Come on, Kyle. Get up!
Get up. Come on. Walk to Mommy.
Walk to Mommy!
Oh, forget it, Jim.
It's too late.
Come on!
You can do it, Kyle!
No, it's too late.
(SIGHING)
(SIGHING) Oh!
Here's your camera. You win.
Yeah.
Man, this hurts.
Yeah, I know.
No, the cat.
Get it off me.
Hey.
Hey. The girls asleep?
Yeah. With the kittens.
I took a picture of them.
It was pretty cute.
Oh, really?
Can I see them?
I deleted them.
Ha! Just kidding.
(LAUGHS)
Hey, do you think Kyle
will ever walk again?
Oh, honey.
Don't worry.
You know,
every kid is different.
Like, I didn't start
walking till I was two.
But I started shaving
when I was .
(LAUGHING)
Hey, you know what I've
been thinking about?
Make-up sex?
No. The NFL draft.
How would you feel if I started vacuuming
while you were trying to watch it?
Cheryl, you would
never do that.
No, I wouldn't.
And you know why?
Because it's important to you.
The NFL is important
to everybody, Cheryl.
Jim, believe it or not,
there are some people who couldn't
care less about the NFL draft.
Oh, yeah.
I'm one of them.
I think it's stupid.
Our whole marriage
is based on a lie!
Honey...
But you see, honey, I
pretend to care about it.
Because on a scale of one
to ten, you are a nine.
(INHALES PROUDLY) Only a nine?
Well, you're a when you
unload the dishwasher.
How about when I do
my Chippendales dance?
Oh, that is off the scale.
It's also why we
need new curtains.
Oh, this is a nice
fabric, right here.
Yeah, isn't it? I thought that would
pick up the colors in the rug.
You know, that's exactly
what I was thinking.
Yeah.
I could... This one here.
I could live with this one.
It'd be nice with the duvet.
Nice? Try great.
You're hating this, aren't you?
Yes.
But I think
I pretended pretty well.
That's all I ever wanted.
All right. But tomorrow night, can
we look through my lingerie catalog?
Jim, Juggs Magazine is
not a lingerie catalog.
(HARMONICA PLAYING)
Hey, Jim.
Jim, check it out.
I got to missing Bobo, so I went
out and bought myself another one.
(CHUCKLES)
(CYMBALS CLANGING)
Well, isn't that great?
(SCREECHING)
(LAUGHING)
(PLAYING HARMONICA)
No! No! No! No!
(CYMBALS CONTINUE CLANGING)
(SCREAMING) Why?
Andy! Andy!