Okay, my little friend--
Meat sticks!
Mmm!
You want some?
Come on!
Daddy loves them.
Look.
Mmm!
So does uncle andy.
Mmm!
Mmm!
Mmm, these are
pretty good.
What else we got?
How does strained
sweet potatoes sound?
Like a little bit
of heaven.
Oh! Mmm!
That is good!
This is so much easier
than eating real food.
Mm-hmm!
Hey, you know what?
I got some pizza
in the refrigerator.
Think we should
try and put it
in the blender?
I do enjoy pizza.
You get the blender,
I'll get the pizza.
Oh.
We're gonna need
some toppings.
Sorry, buddy.
Hah!
Oh, baby.
Pizza smoothie--
that was a dumb idea.
Everything was fine
till you threw the ham in.
Ugh! Did you guys
burn something?
Blender motor.
Don't ask.
So, how was the gym?
Oh, it was great!
You know, dana and I were
gonna take a spinning class,
But it was full,
so we played racquetball.
I haven't played in years.
What a great workout.
Did you sweat in that little
curvy spot in your back?
Yeah.
Everyone in our family does.
Well, that's over.
Hey, you know, you should start
going to the gym again.
No, no.
Yeah, you could come
to my water aerobics class.
We call ourselves
the aqua maniacs.
Isn't there a bunch of
old people in there?
Yeah. We lost maud
last month.
Now I'm the best.
You know what? I don't
need to go to the gym.
I have my exercise tape.
That's not an exercise tape,
it's a dirty movie.
Why is it so dirty
when six women just
love each other?
Even if I had gotten
to maud in time,
There's really nothing
I could've done.
Hey, you know what?
Why don't you play racquetball
with me tomorrow?
I already booked the court,
and dana can't make it.
Neither can i.
Why not?
Well,
if you must know,
I've scheduled
some quality time
with the children.
I mean, you know,
those cars don't get
waxed by themselves.
All right,
time with the children?
Something's going on.
Are you worried
I'm gonna beat you?
[ Laughs ] no!
You are!
You're scared.
Yeah, scared
of being bored
for two hours.
Oh, no, you didn't!
What are you
talking about?
Oh, come on, cheryl,
Sports are
for competing.
Competing with girls
is not a sport,
It's...foreplay.
Really!
I compete to win.
There's no other
reason to play.
What about spending time
together?
Well, that's what
we're doing right now.
You are so patronizing!
Do I need to remind you
That I've already beaten you
at racquetball?
Oh, wait a minute!
Cheryl beat you
at racquetball?
No!
No, I'm sorry.
That's right,
I didn't, I didn't.
I destroyed him,
mopped the floor
with him,
Cleaned his clock!
Toasted his onion.
That's one, right?
Cheryl, my dear...
My sweet, innocent,
beautiful, young wife,
You didn't beat me.
I let you win.
[Laughs] there's no way
you threw that game.
Why would you even do that?
For the sex.
What?
We were at a very
important part of
our relationship.
I wasn't getting
any.
So I'm thinking,
"oh, I'm gonna beat
her at racquetball,
"Make her cry,
make her really sad,
bum her out."
Then for sure
I wasn't gonna
close the deal.
Close the deal?
You know, make love.
Uh-uh. No.
No?
No, there's no way
you let me beat you.
No? You remember this?
Oh, jeez, cheryl.
Wow, that was a great
game you played.
Wow, you're a really
strong, powerful woman.
And that's important--
that's important to me
as a man.
And I just want you
to know that if anybody
was gonna beat me,
I'm sure glad
it was you.
And then
the vulnerable look.
[ Sniffles ]
Oh, my god!
You did let me win!
Uh-huh. Welcome to
my dirty little secret.
And you know what?
Remember our fourth date,
when I cooked you dinner?
[ Gasps ] I knew you
didn't make those eggrolls.
Didn't even own a wok!
All right, all right,
you think you're so hot?!
I am hot, baby!
There's only one place
to settle this!
In the bedroom?
The racquetball court!
Ooh, you have
a better shot
in the bedroom.
You just be there
tomorrow!
Oh, I'll be there, baby.
I'll be there.
And you're going down,
sister!
Ohh!
Oh, listen, can we take
your car tomorrow?
Why can't we take
your car?
That light went on again.
I don't wanna drive it.
What is it about
that light?
I don't know.
All right, then!
Yes!
Tomorrow!
Yes! Tomorrow!
All right!
This is a racquetball
court, my dear,
Where men compete!
Should I serve?
Yeah...lunch.
[Laughs]
Oh, honey, come on.
You know what?
Let's not do this.
Let's be good sports.
Please?
[ Sighs ]
All right.
All right, thank you.
Have a good game.
Okay, thank you.
You too.
Oh, you know, I just can't
wait till this is over
And I'm showering
with the other girls,
Soaping our bodies
and giggling.
Huh?
Ow!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
I kicked jim's ass.
Oh, yes!
Where is he?
Oh, in the car.
[Laughs]
You coming in, sally?
'Cause I'm not bringing
dinner out to you.
So he's not taking it
very well?
He's out there pouting.
I am not pouting!
I was refolding the maps
Because somebody
just threw them
in the glove compartment
Like it doesn't
even matter!
Did you refold
the one to loserville?
[Laughs]
Yes, and I put it
right next to the map
of spinsters' corner.
Oh, that's funny.
No, hey, it's fine.
All right, shh, shh,
shh! Shh, shh, shh!
You guys, I think I hear
the baby crying.
But kyle's
upstairs asleep.
Oh. Well,
then it must be jim.
That's good. You're cute.
That's why I married you.
You're cute,
but you know what?
You are a bad winner,
because I almost beat you.
I was this close to beating you.
I was leading most of the way!
It's no big deal.
You've lost before.
Yeah, at basketball,
softball, football.
I've seen you lose a lot--
uh, pool, darts--
Okay, all right,
all right.
Look, that's
way different.
That's with guys.
I mean, it's not
the same thing
losing to a girl.
Hey!
No, I mean it.
It's true.
You know, men are bigger
and stronger than women.
Men shouldn't lose to women,
I mean, except for maybe
in a dish-washing contest...
Or maybe in mud wrestling
or jell-o wrestling.
I mean, that's
a good loss, you know?
Jim, you're making
some really
valid points here...
Thank you.
But all I'm hearing
is "wah, wah, wah!"
[Laughter]
Look, I'm no scientist.
What? No.
It is a biological fact.
That's why no woman has ever
beaten the -minute mile,
Or that's why in golf,
The ladies' tee
is closer to the hole.
That's why they call it
"women's tennis"
And not "tennis."
Oh! You are
so frustrating!
Come on, you girls
have everything!
You do--
you're better-looking,
Y-y-you give birth,
You run companies,
you run countries,
You can talk better than us,
you're smarter than us!
You've got everything!
You're even k*lling
your own bugs now!
Come on, all we got is we lift
heavy objects and sports!
We have sports.
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah,
you got sports.
You can have
your synchronized swimming
And that--that thing
in the olympics
Where they, you know,
dance around
With a ribbon on a stick...
Which, by the way,
is not a sport.
What do you mean
it's not a sport?
Well, call vegas!
Put a bet on it!
Okay, it's official--
you're an unbearable
human being.
I wouldn't even
be able to look at you
If it wasn't
for the fact that...
♪ You got beat
by a girl ♪
♪ You got beat by a girl ♪
♪ You got beat
by a girl... ♪
♪ You got beat
by a girl ♪
Andy!
♪ ...beat by a girl ♪
Oh, thank you!
Thank you!
You finally put that pompous
jerk in his place.
And just a thought, but...
This would be a great time
to leave him.
Cheryl, this isn't just
a victory for the women
in this family,
This is a victory
for women everywhere!
Dana!
What?
I cheated.
Please tell me you mean
with another man.
[Laughter]
Hey, guys, cheryl messed up
and got light beer,
So everybody
should start off with two.
What are you guys watching?
You and cheryl
playing racquetball.
Where'd you get that?
From the gym.
They tape every activity
to help improve your form.
It's really helped me
with my butterfly kick.
Plus, I thought
it'd be fun to watch it
And tease you
in a mean way.
Hey, jim, you might
want to think about
bumping up a size.
You're really
punishing
that lycra.
It looks like you're
smuggling plums.
All right, that's enough.
Come on, we need to rehearse.
Wait a minute!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What was that?
What?
Let's look at that
again.
Andy:
that's not legal.
This is my new favorite
video...
And my wife's in it!
Hey,
what's all this?
Well, just my way
of showing you, you know,
How bad I feel about
what I said to you.
Look, honey, this is
really hard for me to say...
[Sighs]
but you beat me...
Fair and square,
And I was not
a good sport about it.
No, no, it's no big deal.
Forget about it.
Oh, I can't forget about it.
It was unforgivable.
Come on, honey,
I was definitely a lout
And most assuredly
not a gentleman.
All right, you
never talk this way
in the living room.
What's going on?
Nothing.
I'm just conceding.
I was hoping that maybe,
you know, if you'd like,
Maybe we could watch
a movie together.
[Sighs]
jim, I am not watching
"Jack and his excellent
beanstalk" again.
No...
It's not
that kind of movie.
All right, what kind
of movie is it?
I hear it starts out
as a mystery...
And then when you
find out what happens,
It's kind of funny.
Oh, honey!
I hope it's romantic.
Well, that depends
how sorry the girl is.
What--th--th--
This is us
playing racquetball.
Yeah.
Where'd you get this?
The gym.
They give you this tape
so you can analyze your game.
Oh, no, no,
we don't have to--
Honey, I thought
you played great.
In fact, I can't
even believe I won.
No, no, no, no!
Come on, honey.
Let's watch.
Oh! Here's
my favorite part.
Now, notice my form,
okay?
Notice how
I'm not looking at you
Because I'm too busy
trusting you.
You know, I need
to go check on kyle.
Kyle's fine!
Oh! Here's
my favorite part.
Well, look at that.
There you are catching
the ball and throwing it
As if you were hitting it.
There you are dancing around
as if you had won!
Again, I'm no scientist...
But as a guy...
Who's no scientist...
I'm thinking...
You cheated!
Oh, all right,
I cheated,
And I feel really
stupid about it.
Now, can we just
let it go?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
Hold on a second.
Every time I screw up,
we have to sit down
And have one of these
"feelings" talks, all right?
But when you screw up,
we just want to "let it go"?
No, I don't want to
"let it go."
I want to have
a "feelings" talk right now.
I want to say the things
to you that you say to me.
[Sighs]
Look at me.
Look at me.
What were
you thinking?
I'm at the end
of my rope.
Are you done?
I can't breathe.
I just wanted
to get that in
'Cause I didn't
think I'd ever have
a chance again.
All right, we're even.
Are you happy now?!
No! I won't be happy
until I whip your butt
In a regulation
racquetball game
Determined by a panel
of independent judges.
Forget it.
I am not playing you again.
Oh, no? Why, why, why?
Oh, I get it--
you're scared...
Because you're a girl.
I am not scared.
Ooh, I'm cheryl.
I just like
to cook dinner
and get pregnant.
All right, that's it!
I will play you again!
Oh! I should've thrown that ball
at your big, fat head!
Whoo!
I got three words
for you, sister --
No cheating...
Cheater!
You know, I can't wait
till this game is over.
Then I'm gonna go
into the sauna
With a bunch
of sweaty guys,
And we're all
gonna be naked!
That's just weird, jim.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It is.
Okay, you serve.
No, you know what?
You go first.
No, you know what?
Ladies first.
Age before beauty.
Beauty before beast.
You just insulted
yourself, jim.
Or did i?
Aah! Ha!
Move, move, move,
move, move!
Enough, enough.
Hey, hey!
Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey!
Hey, hey!
Hey, hey, hey!
Ow! Ow!
Foul! Foul!
Ow!
Augh.
Augh.
Oh!
Ohh!
Aughhh!
Augh!
Ahh. Ahh.
Yay, I won.
So [groans]
was it worth it?
Was it worth both of us
ending up like this?
Well, I mean, it is to me
because, of course, I won...
Me, moi...
The guy, el honcho...
El coyote, el pollo loco.
Why do you have to be
like this?
Like what?
Like...you.
[Laughs]
Really, think about it.
There's a kind of guy
out there
That you could beat
at racquetball all the time,
But is that the kind of guy
you would've married, huh?
Oh--[laughs]
No.
Thank you.
But I really don't
want you talking
this way
In front
of the girls.
I mean, I don't
want them growing up
Thinking they shouldn't
try their hardest
At sports or school
or for a job.
I don't want that either.
I want our girls to beat
everybody at everything.
I just don't want girls
to beat me.
Well, come on,
don't you think
That's a little bit
of a double standard?
No.
It's a full-blown
double standard.
Oh, you are
a piece of work.
Of course,
I knew who you were
When I first shaved you
and taught you to speak.
[Laughs]
Uh-oh, what happened
to you guys?
I won!
Darn! I really wanted
to do the dance again!
You beat mommy?
Yes, I did...
But...
You know,
she could have won,
You know, and maybe
next time she will...
But most probably,
the odds are in my favor...
...or hers.
Apparently, we're equal.
We're going out
to mcdonald's.
You guys want anything?
Ice!
Ice!
And a quarter pounder
with cheese
and a hot apple pie!
I'll probably just have
a bite of each, you know?
Jim...
If one of us
had to win,
I'm sure glad
it was you.
You know, I think you're just
saying that to get me into bed.
I'm no scientist...
But why don't we go
upstairs and find out?
Yes!
Ohh!
Ohh!
Ohh!
Ohh!
Ohh!
Ahh.
Is there anything we can do
right here?