Use more
ketchup.
[Both giggle]
Dana! Dana!
What?!
Duck! Duck! Duck!
What are you --
Dana, dana, dana,
i need a favor.
I'm great, jim.
How are you?
You know, why do you women
always need foreplay
For everything?
Ohh!
Listen...
i-I need you to pick up
cheryl's anniversary
gift for me
At the oakbrook mall.
Which store?
Uh, i don't know yet.
That's the other part
of the favor.
You haven't even
gotten her gift yet?
No.
Jim, i am sick and tired of
doing this for you every year!
Come on, come on,
come on, please.
You know, i just
love her so much,
And i just -- I don't know
how to put it into a gift.
Dana, come on.
Please, you --
You're so good at it.
[ Sighs ] you know,
if cheryl wasn't my sister,
I would let you fry.
Good! Come here.
All right.
Okay, here's
the deal, all right?
We're gonna do the same
thing we do every year.
$ a year times --
That's... bucks.
Jim, this is
your th anniversary.
Since you love her
so much,
Don't you want to do
something special?
Yeah.
All right,
throw another $ in.
It's ready, mom!
Oh, boy.
Happy anniversary,
mommy!
Happy anniversary!
Eat it now!
Okay.
I sure hope
these are raisins.
Mmm...
[ muffled ] it's good.
You know what?
I'm all full.
Why don't you girls run up
and get your backpacks, okay?
Ohh!
Happy anniversary.
Oh, what's this?
[ Gasps ] "a day for two
at the serenity spa."
Yep.
I booked you and jim
a couple's massage
With two of
the best guys there.
Oh, you shouldn't have.
Damn right!
The only guy touching me
is gonna be me.
And that's only
in an emergency.
Oh, darn.
Jim can't go.
Aww.
Saturday good for you?
Perfect.
Excellent.
Well, you know,
that serenity spa
sure is nice,
But it's not as nice
as the gift i got you.
Oh, honey,
i just can't wait!
Every year
your anniversary gift
Is better
than the year before.
They're so...sensitive
and thoughtful.
It's almost like they're --
From a different
person?
Yes!
Well, this year's
gift, honey...
this year's gift
is "wow"!
Oh! Can you give me
a hint?
Well, it's...
a slightly higher retail
value than last year.
Oh! Is he the best?
Oh, yeah. Why aren't there
more men like you?
Oh, yeah --
Evolution.
What's with her?
Who cares?
Mmm...this is great.
Ugh.
Is this a crayon?
Hah!
Oh, baby.
Hey, jim,
you'll never guess
What ruby, gracie, and i are
doing for your anniversary.
Another "uncle andy's
puppet show"?
No.
Hey, jim, wait till you see
what i got for che--
[ Clears throat ]
Oh, hi, andy.
Hey, dana.
What are you doing here?
Oh, well --
What, can't she come
And visit her favorite
brother-In-Law?
Dana, you'll never guess what
the kids and i are doing
For jim and cheryl's
anniversary.
"Uncle andy's
puppet show"?
Yeah.
Damn. There's a leak.
Did you get something?
Okay, wait till
you see this.
I think i really
outdid myself this year.
Oh, give me that.
Wow...a bracelet.
Yeah.
That ought to work,
huh?
It's a charm bracelet.
See, it's white gold.
And every charm
on here represents
A different
memorable event
From every year
that you've been married.
How much?
See, like, this is
for when you proposed.
And this one is
from that stones concert.
How much, dana?!
$ .
bucks?!
Come on, i'm already
getting the milk
for free.
Hey, that cow
is my sister.
Dana, you broke the rule.
The rule is $ a year.
This -- This bracelet
is, like --
Jim.
Let me see. Hold on.
It's, like, a / -Year
anniversary gift.
Augh! You are
unbelievable!
For years
you've done nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
I don't think you've
even ever said
"thank you."
Wow! What's that?
This? Uh, this is
cheryl's anniversary gift.
I got it.
You like it?
It's beautiful.
How do you do it
year after year?
Well, andy,
i'll tell you --
I don't shop with this,
i shop with this.
Show him
what you think with.
Hey, andy,
you know what?
I'm not really good
at wrapping gifts.
Could you wrap
this for me?
Yeah. Where's the paper?
At the store.
Would you mind running
out to pick some up?
And pick up a card, too,
for me, will you?
And make it romantic,
You know, something
with ziggyon it.
Okay. Oh, but let's
not tell cheryl.
It'd be great if she thought
that you did everything.
All right.
We'll do it your way.
I feel so naughty.
Cheryl,
you've done it again --
Another great
anniversary dinner.
Aw, thank you,
sweetie.
Cheryl, no, no, no, no.
What are you doing?
Come on, come on.
This is a special day.
Ohh.
You can clear these later.
Okay, everyone.
Please make your way
into the living room
For a very
special performance.
Remember to turn off
all cell phones and pagers...
and please,
no flash photography.
Gee, i hope there's
gonna be snacks.
Why don't you just finish
what's on your chin?
I try to eat
the shirt stuff
first.
Oh.
Okay, okay.
Here's the big show!
Ladies and gentlemen,
"the uncle andy players" present
"When daddy proposed
to mommy."
Interior --
Italian restaurant -- Evening.
Jim and cheryl are meeting
for a very special date.
Cue music.
Press "play."
The pink button!
[ Italian concertina
music plays ]
Jim decides to play
a prank on cheryl.
Hey, cheryl,
do you wanna cool off?
Jim then pours his beer
onto cheryl.
Sssssh...
she doesn't look happy.
I'm happy.
Not happy.
I'm not happy.
Jim, not knowing how
to deflect the attention
from his stupidity,
Pops the ultimate question.
Are you gonna
finish that?
No, really,
what he said was...
will you marry me?
Cheryl was shocked.
[ Gasps ]
Jim said
if the answer was "yes,"
She should pour
her drink onto him.
Sssssh...
and they lived
happily ever after.
The end.
Aww.
Aww.
That was great,
girls.
Yay! Bravo!
You girls
are really cute.
Okay, now i have
a surprise for daddy.
You, wait here.
Andy, would you give me
a hand?
Oh, i don't need a gift.
So, jim, you wanna
just write me a check
for cheryl's present?
Where's the receipt?
What, you think
i'm trying to cheat you?
You know, i didn't say that,
but interesting
you would go there.
You ungrateful jerk!
Give me the bracelet!
Come on, come on,
how much was it really?
You're such a jackass.
Come on, looks like you got
new shoes there, don't you?
Hey, come on,
give me that!
Cheryl:
okay, close your eyes!
[ Wheels rolling ]
Are they closed?!
Yes.
Okay, keep them closed.
Okay,
you can open them.
It's
a massage chair!
Oh, god! Look at that!
Wow! Oh, cheryl, come on,
this must have cost a fortune.
Nope, it's fake leather.
Yeah, that's my girl.
Ha ha ha.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I just love it.
It's great.
Now...
it's time for your gift.
[ Squeals ]
And i thought
it would be more romantic
if dana gave it to you.
Dana.
Oh, honey,
"Hippo anniversary"
to you, too.
Aww.
Here, let me get it.
[ Gasps ] oh, honey...
it's beautiful.
It is, isn't it?
It's white gold.
That's like real gold
but white.
A-And you know
the best part of it is --
It's each charm represents
some memorable event
From every year
that we were married.
Oh, honey.
This is your most wonderful
and personal gift ever.
Oh. Can you believe
he did this?
No.
How did you
come up with this?
Well...i, uh, i started looking
through some wedding photos.
Ohh.
And then i took
a walk along the lake
And stopped at the church
where we got married.
I don't know. It, uh,
just came to me, you know?
White gold --
Wrap it yourself.
[ Laughing ] oh, look,
it's a tiny, little beer mug.
Yeah, that's for the year
i proposed to you.
Oh, and lips
with a tongue sticking out.
That's from
the rolling stone concert.
Oh, look,
a little
traffic light.
Traffic light?
Oh.
What's that for, jim?
Well, you know what?
Cheryl tells it better
than me.
You bought it.
You tell it.
Well, honey,
you know, uh, i --
You know what?
I don't wanna hog, uh,
the spotlight here.
Maybe...uh, dana,
do you think you could add
something to the story?
Not without a receipt.
I don't even know
what she means by that!
Jim?
Yes?
Do you know what
this charm is for?
Of course i know
what it's for.
But...you know
what i think would be fun --
I mean for everyone --
Is if dana could tell us
what the charm is for.
I don't know.
Well, then why
did i put it
on the bracelet?!
Why did i put it
on the bracelet?!
That is the question
at hand now.
Why did i put -- You know what?
I got notes in the kitchen
'Cause i wrote this whole thing
up about the charms --
Jim?
Yes?
You didn't buy
this bracelet, did you?
I paid for it.
Ha!
I'm gonna pay for it.
So dana bought this?
Huh?
Has she bought
any of our other
anniversary gifts?
Some of them.
Which ones?
All of them.
I'm sorry, cheryl, i --
So...in the years
we've been together...
yes.
...you haven't
picked out one of
my anniversary gifts?
Suddenly, me wrapping it
doesn't seem so bad.
Okay, okay, okay,
cheryl,
I remember what
the traffic light
charm means.
It was the time we played
"red light, green light"
with the kids,
And you chipped
your tooth.
No!
Okay, it was
at the state fair
And that guy was gonna
guess my weight
by picking me up,
And he didn't even
work there.
There's not even
a traffic light
in that story.
I know,
but it still bothers me.
I can't believe
this has been going on
behind my back
For years!
Aw, come on, cheryl,
what's the big deal?
The big deal?!
You don't choose
my gifts.
You didn't even pay
for this one.
I'm gonna pay for it.
I just need a receipt
for my taxes.
You can't write
jewelry off.
You can if it's
a business gift.
By the way, if anybody asks you,
you're a welder.
You tell the i.R.S. You buy
charm bracelets for welders?
I'm not proud of it,
cheryl.
Jim, it's not funny.
You know, those gifts
you got me every year
Made me feel
like you really knew me.
Obviously you don't.
You know what?
You really don't know me.
Because if you did,
you'd be thanking me
For not getting you
a bunch of lousy gifts
That you're probably
gonna return anyway.
I know you.
Oh, you do, do you?
Okay, well, what am i
thinking about right now?
Cake.
That's not fair.
I just had cake.
Jim, don't you see?
Whatever you got me,
if it came from your heart,
I would love it
and cherish it forever.
Oh, blah, blah, blah.
Come on!
Women always say that,
and they don't mean it.
Well, i do!
Okay. Fine.
So, then from now on,
Whatever i get you,
you're gonna love?
If it comes from your heart,
then yes.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
You know what?
I don't care
where this came from.
I love it!
But you know what?
The only thing
about this is...
it won't rub
your feet.
Forget it, jim.
Andy, come here,
come here.
Come on, let me ask you
something.
What is the one thing
that i really want
That cheryl said
will never happen?
Doughnuts with liquor
in them.
No! But i think
someone's gonna make
A lot of money off that.
A big-Screen tv?!
Andy, it's not just
any big-Screen tv.
This is the mother
of all big-Screen tvs.
Look at this --
inches,
surroundsound,
And picture-In-Picture.
Oh, my god.
I feel so...
small in the universe.
Jim, cheryl's never
gonna let you keep this.
Oh, yes, she will.
'Cause that's
the beauty of it.
You see, last night
she said to me
That she'd love
anything i gave her
As long as it came
from the heart.
Jim, you are
a god to me.
Thank you.
Cheryl: i'm home!
A god who's gonna
get his ass kicked.
Honey! Honey,
hold on a second.
You know, i could use some
help with the groceries.
Honey, honey, wait a second.
I got a surprise for you.
Oh, honey, not now.
There's milk in the car.
Come on, come on,
come on. Come on!
What is the one thing
that you thought
would never happen?
Oh, for the love of god,
jim,
If this is another
doughnut with a cork
in it.
No. Better.
It's a present.
Happy anniversary!
This is your gift
from the heart?
Yes. Look at it.
This is beautiful here.
See, this has got
picture-In-Picture, see?
So, you can let me
watch the show i want
While you watch
your show
in the little corner
Up there
on the screen.
How nice of me.
Cheryl, remember
what you said.
Oh, i know what i said.
Do you like it?
I like it.
[ Inhales deeply ]
it doesn't sound
like it.
I love it.
What do you say?
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Yes!
Daddy, can we watch
"cinderella"?
"Watching"
is what we did
on our old tv, girls.
Sit down --
Check this out.
[ Instrumental music swells ]
Aah!
Aah!
I love this thing!
Oh, guys,
minutes to kickoff.
Wait till you see this
on the big-Screen...
tv.
What's going on here?
It's a few girls
sitting around on a sunday
Watching a "sex in the city"
marathon.
Uh, honey, uh, the guys are
here, the game is starting,
And, uh, we wanna watch it
on the big screen.
I thought this was my tv?
I mean, this was a gift
from your heart, wasn't it?
Ahh...
come on,
the guys are here.
You know,
it's okay, honey,
'Cause we have
picture-In-Picture.
We'll let you guys
watch your game
In the little box
in the corner.
Did you put her
up to this?
Can't talk. Busy.
Oh! Come on!
Ah! Come on,
he's wide open
he's wide open.
Throw him the ball!
Throw him the ball!
Honey, you're yelling
at a pudding commercial.
Where are the guys?
They went home
to watch a real tv.
You're just doing this
to teach me a lesson,
aren't you?
Oh, after years,
don't you think i'd know
You'd pull a stunt
like this?
You know what, honey?
You're right.
And you know what?
That's the great thing
about our marriage --
Is that we can make mistakes,
learn from them, and move on.
Ohh.
You're still
not watching
the big screen.
Come on, honey!
It's not about the tv.
It's about us.
Oh.
I love you.
Still no.
What are you doing up?
[ Gasps ]
just straightening up.
It's :
in the morning.
Well, how do you think
i keep the house so clean?
Hey, honey, listen...i've been
thinking, and, you know,
Maybe i shouldn't have bought
this tv just to spite you,
So i'm gonna
take it back.
You're taking it back?
Yeah, well --
You don't want me to?
No, no.
No, you should.
Okay, okay.
I'm gonna call them up
First thing in the morning
to pick it up.
Okay.
I'm gonna make sure
that it's their first stop
In the morning, actually.
Fine.
Actually, you know what?
I can call now
and leave a message
So they get it first thing
in the morning.
Oh, all right!
I love it!
Aha.
I love this tv.
I wanna marry it.
I knew it!
Well, can you blame me?!
This thing is amazing!
-Inch screen,
channels of sound,
lines of resolution.
What's that mean?
I don't know.
You see, i knew you
would love this, cheryl.
You did -- No, no.
You got lucky.
Okay, maybe.
I did, maybe,
but i do know you, honey.
[ Sarcastically ]
oh, yeah.
I do! I know a lot
about you.
I know important things
about you.
I know that that little scar
on your forehead there
Is when you were years old
you ran into the refrigerator.
I know you like your hamburgers
medium and your steaks rare.
I know that you love
your toes.
And you love new year's.
You love new year's --
Especially that one time we were
walking back from dana's party.
And we stopped
at every corner
And kissed until
the light turned green.
And we kissed...
and you were happy...
and now i know what that charm
on the bracelet means.
How much do you love me
right now?!
You're feeling pretty good
about yourself, aren't you?
Oh, yeah!
Ahh!
Oh, happy anniversary,
honey.
Happy anniversary, baby.
Jim?
Hmm? Yeah.
Can we afford
this tv?
Sure.
It's the kids
we can't afford.
Yeah, we gotta
keep them, though.
All right.
But no college.
Deal.