"And when bradford saw
all his friends together
"In the magic tree house,
he knew that it was them
And not the magic that made
the tree house so special."
The end.
Hey, i want to say
"the end"!
Oh, look, look,
there's more.
Oh, my goodness.
"$ . , u.S.,
$ . canada."
The end.
Okay, daddy's home.
Everybody make a big deal.
Daddy!
Daddy!
Thank you.
Thank you, dear.
Honey?
Oh, yay.
Oh, hey, how you doing,
sir poops-A-Lot?
Daddy?
Mm-Hmm?
Can we have a magic tree house
like bradford does in the book?
Sure, sure.
Just be sure to return
My tools when you're done.
Jim, you did tell them
You'd build them
a tree house last year,
But somehow i got
a foosball table instead.
So, what--You don't want me
to exercise anymore?
Oh, come on,
you're a contractor,
Andy's an architect.
You guys can do this.
Please, daddy, please?
We really want
a tree house.
You see,
This is the problem
with reading.
Books are where ideas
come from.
Hah!
Oh, baby.
Daddy, can you play
barbies with us?
Oh, you know,
i really want to,
But i got to wait
at least an hour after i eat
Before playing with barbies.
Otherwise i get a cramp.
And then will you play?
Sure.
Unless i eat again.
Hey, guys.
Hey, andy,
where were you?
You missed burgers.
I've been working
on this model
For the kids'
tree house.
Jeez.
Look at the detail
on this thing.
Wow.
Your new tree house.
Oh, is that a little ruby
and a little gracie?
Mm-Hmm, and that's
jim and you,
And look, that's me.
Where am i?
You're in a model
of a restaurant
having a bad date.
The kids are gonna
love this.
See? You ask,
i deliver.
And what exactly
did you do?
I made the actual girls
that go into
the tree house.
Does anybody want
to go out for ice cream?
Okay. But let's use
the little sample spoons
So we can pretend
we're giants.
Girls, we're going out
for ice cream!
Girls: yay! Ice cream!
Hey, you know what?
Why don't you guys go ahead?
You know, kyle just went down,
and i'm kind of full.
Yeah, yeah, i'm not
gonna go either.
You know, i gotta
scrape the grill,
Help cheryl clean
and stuff.
Thanks.
Okay.
See ya.
See you later.
Bye, girls.
Sex?
Oh, yeah.
I figure we got
minutes.
Okay, that's, uh,
two minutes
to get undressed,
Eight minutes of foreplay,
five to make love.
You know, i think
i can get that foreplay
Down to two minutes,
maybe one.
Great! I can get started
on the laundry.
Good. I got some shirts.
Wow.
You're welcome.
You know,
and keeping my shoes on
Really gave me
that extra traction.
Does it ever get to you
That we always have to
squeeze this time in
Between loads of laundry
and baby puke?
Yeah, sometimes.
Remember when we
were first dating
And i had that
little apartment
on sheridan
With the leaky roof?
Remember that first
night you stayed over,
It rained and it rained?
And then when the lights
went out,
We lit candles.
God...
it was so romantic.
Don't you miss that?
[ Snoring ]
Yeah.
[ Kyle crying ]
No, no, no, honey,
seriously,
let me get it.
So, i made sure
we took our time
at the ice cream parlor,
And we drove around
the block a few times
So you and jim could,
you know,
Finish what you were doing.
What?
Oh, come on, cheryl,
Jim offers to stay
and help you clean up,
And he turns down ice cream?
You know, dana,
When you're married
with three kids,
You just grab the time
when you can.
Why don't you and jim
just get away?
Oh, like on a trip?
Yeah.
Look, i know he's a tightwad,
but my travel agent told me
About this exclusive place
in the bahamas --
No phones,
private bungalows,
And their motto
is "we hate children."
Dana, i can't just
pick up and go.
I've got kyle.
The girls are in school.
I need a new lint trap
for my dryer.
I have a life.
No, you have mom's life.
Ow.
Look, you don't have to give up
romance and spontaneity
Just because
you're married to jim.
Dana, there is
a whole sweet,
romantic side to jim
That you never see.
You know, that man
gave up ice cream
for me.
You bring me back
some ice cream?
No.
[ Scoffs ]
Sweetie?
I'll be up
in a minute,
all right?
I'll be asleep,
but you can wake me.
Don't scratch it.
Don't scratch it.
Oh!
All right,
give me the number
Of your
travel agent.
Hey, honey.
Hey.
So, the tree house is
really coming along.
Yeah, and the girls are
really excited about it.
And when i say "girls,"
i do mean andy.
I can hear you in there!
Andy, what the hell
are you doing
In the tree house now?
Come on!
It's : . Go home.
Jim, while i got you here,
Where do you want me
to install the phone jacks?
I can think
of one place, andy.
What's that?
Well, i guess this
is as good a time
To tell you as any.
This is a book.
What's it about?
Oh, nothing.
Nothing, huh?
Mm-Hmm.
No. [ Laughing ]
Nothing.
"The ultimate guide
to the bahamas"?
Yeah, 'cause when we
get there,
I want to know where
all the good stuff is.
Cheryl, what are you
talking about?
I'll give you
a little hint.
We're going
to the bahamas!
Just you and me.
We leave in three weeks.
Four incredible days
at paradise island.
Honey, what are you
talking about?
We can't do that.
I mean,
i've got my work.
You've got your...kids.
It's all taken care of.
Dana's gonna
take care of the kids,
And andy's gonna
cover for you at work.
But we can't afford
a vacation.
Honey, i got
a great deal.
Great?
Off-Season, midweek,
Layover, timeshare,
seminar.
What about the airfare?
I told them we were
going to a funeral.
They're taking off %.
Honey, do you realize
that we haven't been
alone
Since ruby was born?
I know.
Well, i guess
it could be fun.
I mean, you know,
i've never really seen
Those coconut bras
except for in pictures.
Oh, oh, honey,
honey, honey...
what?
Before we do this...
yes?
Could we talk?
Sure.
Okay.
[ Western drawl ]
well, hello, ma'am,
my name is buck.
Honey, honey, honey,
I want to talk
about the trip.
You know how
we're always rushing
through sex?
Yeah.
Well, i mean, i thought,
What if we held off
for three weeks
Till we got there?
What are you, nuts?
Honey, honey,
just think how
romantic it'll be
When we're
finally alone.
Three weeks?
We didn't wait that long
the first time.
But, honey, this is
going to make it feel
just like the first time.
No, in order to feel
like the first time,
We need your dad,
a bat, and some cops.
No. No way.
Oh, come on.
What are you
telling me here?
You want me to spend
a lot of money
And have no sex
for three weeks.
It's like
i just had surgery.
Honey, you know,
if we do hold out,
I promise you,
by the time we get
to the bahamas,
You'll never even
see the beach.
Wall to wall action?
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Look what i found
in my underwear drawer.
Let me guess.
Another love note
from the butt scratcher.
You know, ever since
we started
This whole holding-Out thing,
he's been so romantic.
Yeah, there's
nothing like
A guy who's not
taking it for granted.
Listen to this.
"Dear cheryl,
"Everything good in my life
is because of you.
I love you
with all my heart. Jim."
That's sweet.
I'm surprised.
Oh, look, there's
a little drawing
on the back.
Why is he holding
a flashlight? Ohh!
Aah!
Andy, the tree house
does not need a skylight.
Jim, i have
an architect's mind.
I don't know
how to build crap.
Yeah? Well, apply yourself.
Fine. Why don't we just
slap together
A floor and some walls?
You don't want to do that.
Then it would be
a tree house!
Somebody doesn't want
the password
To the security system!
Hey.
Hey.
I love you.
I love you.
Oops.
Spilled on my shirt.
Is he gonna do this
until you leave?
Dana, it's just a week.
No, your trip's
in two weeks.
No, we leave in a week.
Uh-Oh.
Dana, i was very clear
with you.
No, i wrote it down
on a piece of paper.
I was very specific
about our schedule.
Look, i remember
you said
you were leaving
The day after
mom's birthday.
That's the rd.
That's the th,
Which i should have realized
you wouldn't know
Because i always buy
her present.
I cannot believe
you're making this
about you.
Dana, you're just gonna
have to change your schedule.
Well, i can't.
I'm gonna be in
new york on business.
Can't you change
your trip?
No, dana,
it's a whole package!
In a few weeks, hurricane
season's going to be over
And prices
are going to skyrocket.
Can't you ask andy
to watch the kids?
Andy: give me back
my hammer!
Are you trying
to make me cry, jim?
Give it! Give it!
Don't look at me!
I'm just gonna have to tell
jim the trip is off.
Hey.
Hey.
This is for you.
Oh...
no matter how beautiful
this rose is,
It can't compare
to the beautiful...ness
Of you.
Oh...
love you.
[ Sighs ]
Love you.
Maybe i'll tell him
tomorrow.
I got your hammer now!
How do you like that?
[ Music playing ]
May i have this dance?
Oh, jim, i --
Shh.
No words.
Oh, jim, we really have
to discuss something.
I know, i know.
Only one beer
on the plane.
Oh, honey, um...
we're not going
on the trip.
What?
There was a screw-Up
with dana's schedule,
And she can't
watch the kids.
I had to cancel.
Oh, man,
when did this happen?
Well...
three days ago.
You've known about this
for three days?
Well, yeah, but, honey,
I'd try to tell you
and you'd --
You'd write me a poem
or bring me a rose,
Ask me to dance.
And i just didn't want
it to end. I'm sorry.
Oh, i'm sorry, too.
I was really looking forward
to it, honey.
Yeah.
Okay. Let's have sex.
What?
Do the math.
You owe me
three days' worth.
I owe you?
Yeah. You better
get started.
You got children
to raise.
Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa.
These past few days
have been --
Been so special to me.
It's like you were
courting me again.
What,
is that out the window?
No, i was gonna
kiss you.
You are unbelievable.
I know, and i haven't
even started.
All right.
Go ahead. Take me.
Do what you want.
Yes!
Could you be
more insensitive?
Would it make you hotter?
What? Cheryl?
"What?"
Cheryl, come on.
You're the one who's
been lying about this
For three days, and i'm
the one in trouble?
Andy: women.
What are you
gonna do?
Andy!
Okay, all you do
is go up to your dad
And say, "daddy, we think
that crown molding
"Will add an air
of timeless elegance
To our tree house."
Can you do that?
You smell
like chicken.
Hey.
Hello.
Hey, jim, she's not moving.
Jump on her.
That's great.
That's really great.
Everyone
in your family
Always has to know
about our private stuff.
Oh, believe me,
it's no news flash
That all guys care about
is sex.
Thank you.
And any guy that
tells you anything
different
Is either lying
or just had sex.
So you're telling me
that these past few days
When you've been
so romantic,
All you really cared
about was getting some?
Yes!
Well, that was
our agreement --
No-Gettin'-Some,
then a lotta some.
That's beautiful, jim.
Oh, come on, cheryl. I was
just being honest with you.
I mean,
all guys are like that.
That's why we open doors
for you.
That's why we send you
flowers.
That's why we remember
your names.
Oh, come on!
The first night we met,
you told me
That even if you never
saw me again,
It was enough just to know
that a woman like me existed.
Well, honey, i said that
to a bunch of women that night.
Really?
Cheryl, the way
you were looking at me,
You were there
for the exact
same reason i was.
Guess what.
I wasn't even looking at you.
Cheryl.
Come on, cheryl.
You were practically
drooling all over me.
Actually...
cheryl, don't tell him --
I was drooling
over the guy behind you.
You were in the way.
Okay.
That's good to know.
Since everybody else
does.
Ohh.
I can't believe
i said that.
Cheryl, as your brother,
maybe i can help.
I think what jim needs
from you right now is...
is about linear feet
of crown molding.
Kids?
Cheryl?
Anybody?
"Play me."
Hmm.
Cheryl, on video:
hi, jim.
I know you're upset,
and i feel bad about that.
I shouldn't
have said that thing.
And i really want
to make it up to you.
Gracie, stop licking
your sister!
Gracie:
she licked me first!
I don't care!
Anyway...
i want you to meet me
up in the tree house.
I have a surprise for you.
I gotta go. Goodbye.
[ Thunder ]
Hi.
I got your tape.
You sure you want me here
and not that other guy?
What guy?
The guy, the guy --
You know the guy.
The guy behind me.
The guy if i ever
meet him,
I'm gonna kick
his butt. That guy.
Honey, i looked at him
for two seconds.
I spent the rest
of my life with you.
Oh, i'm sorry.
I don't know what to say.
Well, all right.
Since you're new at this
"i've done something stupid
And i want to make it up
to you" thing,
I guess i can walk you
through the steps.
You know, why don't we see
how i do on my own?
Whoa!
You just skipped
to step five.
I love my life with you
And our beautiful kids
And this ridiculously
over-The-Top tree house.
Yeah. I was thinking
of moving in here
And giving the house
to the kids.
So, honey...
hmm?
How many women
did you hit on that night?
Five.
Although it turns
out one of them
Wasn't apparently
a woman.
Ahem.
Anything else
you want to confess?
You mean about that night,
or life in general?
Let's open it up.
Open it up?
Oh, yeah.
Well, uh, okay.
I wasn't really
scouted by the cubs
When i was on
the high school
baseball team.
Wow. Anything else?
I wasn't on
the high school
baseball team.
Anything you want
to spill?
I was never a volunteer
firewoman in college.
I don't even know
who you are anymore.
Listen to the rain.
It's just like it was
that first night.
Yeah.
How long do you want
to listen to the rain?
All night.
But i can do
two things at once.
I sure hope
one of them is sex.