07x07 - Mind Over Matter

[bunniefuu]

Water's right up
to the top.

Oh.

Good -- how about
checkin' the oil?

Sure thing, Andy,
what weight?

What?

What weight of oil
do you want?

I don't care.
Any weight.

Well, it can't just be
any weight.

Putting the proper weight
of oil in the car

is probably one of the most
important things

in car maintenance.
Well.

For instance,
if you plan to go

to the mountains
in coal country,

you'd need a light oil --
say, a or a .

But if you plan to do
some desert drivin',

where it's hot,
you'd need a heavy oil.

Well, I'm not --

if you've got an old car,
like over , miles,

you'd need a heavy oil, too,
maybe a --

keeps it from coming up
through the oil rings.

Andy?
What?

You don't need
any oil.

Oh, good.

Uh, how 'bout checking
the steering, goob?

There's a little play
in the wheel there.

I'll get right on it.

You know, the steering
in a car is probably

one of the most
important things
in car maintenance.

Yeah.

If you put grease
in the ball joints...

Just check it and see
about the play, goob.

Well, it seems
to me that...

You all right, goober?

Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry.
Is he all right?

I don't know.
You all right, goober?

Well, what...
What's wrong?

I "swallered" my chewing gum.

Are you all right?

I just got a little crick
in my back.

I mean, it don't hurt
or nothing.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I never had

an accident
in my life.

I was just leaning over
to turn off the radio...

I just looked away
for just a second.

Listen, I want you
to take this.

Oh, I couldn't
take nothing.

Oh, no, I insist.

No, I couldn't
take anything.

My insurance man's card.
Get in touch with him.

I don't need
no insurance.

She's not selling insurance.

She gave you that so you can
call her insurance man

if you need to.

I just got a little
crick in my back.

I mean, it'll soak right out
in a hot tub bath.

Sheriff, I...
I don't know
what to say.

Well...

Doesn't seem to be
any damage to the cars.

Maybe if you've
learned your lesson

something good will
come of it.

Believe me, I've
learned my lesson.

Andy, would you mind
moving your car

so I can help
this nice lady out?

I just want some
gas, please.

And would you check
my windshield wipers?
I'd be glad to.

The wipers is one of
the most important things

in car maintenance.

A woman come in
the other day

and said, "goober,
would you check my
windshield wipers?"

And I said...

Hey, Floyd.

Oh, hello,
goober.

Haircut?

No, thanks.

They got some pictures
of the new styles here.

Make you look like
Tony Curtis.

No, thanks.

I come over to borrow
some mercurochrome.

I'm fresh out.

It's on the shelf,
right over there.

Next to the bay rum.

Thanks.

What do you
want it for?

I got a little scratch
over at work.

Oh?

I was sitting in Andy's car,
checking his steering.

This woman drove in,
banged into the back bumper.

Give me kind of a jolt.
Did it hurt?

Just give me a little
crick in the back.

Crick, huh?

Uh-huh.
Nothing, really.

That's just what
Johnny Harris said.

Rest his soul.

Johnny Harris?

Oh, you don't have to worry,
though.

Might not be the same kind
of injury Johnny had.

Even though it was
the same kind of an accident.

He said he had a crick, too.

Then he started
getting twinges.

Same kind of
accident?

Yeah. Struck from behind.

It caused whiplash.

Oh, it was tricky.
It was very dangerous.

Oh, poor Johnny.

You know about
whiplash?

Of course I do.

A barber does a lot of work
around the neck, you know.

And the whole neck is tied
right into the back.

That's a medical fact.

Hey... that's right.

I can show it to you
right on the chart.

Floyd, can you tell
if I've got whiplash?

Well...

There is a test.

Give me the test, Floyd.
Give me the test.

All right.

You put your fists

tight
against your chest.

All right. Now, then
you raise your elbows up.

Like that, see?

No, no. No, don't move
your hands.

Just get the elbows up.

Get those elbows up!

Try to make them touch
over your head.

I can't do it, Floyd.

I can't get 'em
no higher than this.

Oh! It's Johnny Harris
all over again.

They had to Bury him
in an extra wide coffin

'cause they couldn't
get his arms down.

Oh, my gosh.

Before you know it,
you might not be able

to raise your arms
above your head.

Am I gonna die, Floyd?

Whatever gave you that idea?

You just take a lesson
from Johnny Harris

and keep an eye on that injury.

And watch out

for hardening
of the back.

Yeah.

We wouldn't want
to lose you, boy.

Well, I'll see you, Floyd.

I'm gonna stay in that hot tub
all night long.

Yessir, I'm gonna
be careful.

Gotta watch them twinges.

Thanks, Floyd.

I'm happy to be of help.

Can I honk the horn
for goober?

No, dear. I don't
want to startle him.

Remember what Floyd said
about his back injury.

Gee, you mean goober's
really sick?

Well, I don't think "sick"
is the right word, Opie,

but a back can be a
very delicate thing.

:
Goober!

Goober!

Hey, aunt bee. Ope.

Hey, goober.

Gee.

Hello, goober.

Is your back
causing you pain?

Huh?

We just saw Floyd
at the market

and he told us about
your accident.

Oh, I just got a little crick
in my back.

I mean, I'm not gonna die
or nothing.

Oh, no, of course not.

We just stopped by to
see how you're feeling.

Especially after what
happened to Willis
cundiff last summer.

What happened to Willis cundiff?

Oh, nothing, nothing.

He's still up at the
mt. Pilot hospital.

Hospital?

In traction.

His condition hasn't
changed in months.

Oh... oh!

You want gas?

Hmm? Oh, yes. Yes.

A dollar's worth
of super, please.

Gee, he's walking funny.

You see the way
he's twitching?

Goober...

Goober, I didn't
mean to worry you
about Willis cundiff.

It ain't Willis cundiff
I'm worried about.

It was just that
his car was hit
from behind, too.

But it was entirely
different.
Uh-huh.

He was hit by

one of those
little sports cars.

Something about the height
of the bumper.

It causes a terrific jolt.

But then Willis went right on
working, ignoring his symptoms

and he had this twinge.

Oh, mercy.

Oh, goober,
what is it?
Opie!

Opie, come quick!

I got to go home.

I got to lay down
right away.

Oh! Oh!

Opie, unhitch the hose

and put it back in the pump.

Lean on me, goober.

Me, too, goober.

Just lean on me, goober.
Just lean right on me.

What are we gonna do,
aunt bee?

We're going to
take him home.

I'll just go
to my place.

Nonsense. There's
nobody's there to
take care of you.

And what are friends if
they can't be of help?

Now, relax.

Oh, land.
Oh, land!

Easy, easy.
Lay back, relax.

Oh!

Hi, ope.

Hi, paw.

Whatcha doing?

I've got to take these
comic books upstairs to goober.

Goober's upstairs?

Yeah. In your bed.

We decided he'd be
more comfortable there.

What's he doing
in my bed?

He's sick, paw.

I gotta take these
up to him.

Oh, Andy.

Aunt bee, Opie said
goober's in my bed.

Yes, this is an emergency.

You can take the cot
in the spare room.

He's not well, Andy.
Not well at all.

What's wrong with him?

Well, it's a long story

and I don't want this
to get cold.

I got this steak for you, Andy

but we have to keep up
goober's strength.

You like tuna fish, don't you?

Well...

Well, we've got to be
good samaritans

at a time like this.

Well... well...

Well, aunt... aunt bee...

Uh...

Yeah, these are good 'uns,
all right.

Thanks, ope.

You're welcome.

Here you are, goober.

And it's all cut up
for you.

Thank you.
Oh, hey Andy.

What's wrong
with you?

You was there
when it happened.

What?

When the lady's car
hit me.

But you said
you were fine.

It come on me
kind of sudden-like.

I got these twinges
and cricks.

I can't hardly get
my arms over my head.

Well, I don't understand.

Well, Andy, it
takes a while

for symptoms to
show themselves.

Why, when Opie and I
were at the gas station

he could hardly walk.

We had to carry
him to the car.

The poor boy
is helpless.

Well, did anybody call
a doctor?

Yes, and he's going
to get here as soon
as he can.

Say, goober, my friend Pete
has some comic books.

They're new ones.
Want me to get 'em for you?

Oh, that'd be
real nice, ope.

See if he's got any
with crab monster in them.

He's my new favorite.

Okay.

Now, come on, goober.

Eat your spinach.

It gives you iron.

Yes'm.

Well, I don't understand
how this came on you so sudden.

Me, neither.

I--

I'm sorry.

Gravy -- I --

don't worry about it.

Andy's got plenty
of pajamas.

You got a good heart,
aunt bee.

You, too, Andy.

You've both got
good hearts.

Well.

How is he,
doctor?

Hard to tell.

These back injuries
defy diagnosis.

About the only thing
we can do

is go by what the patient
says he feels.

I'd say it was a classic case
of whiplash.

I definitely got it
then, huh?

Can't you take
x

I could, but it wouldn't
tell us anything.

The only thing we can do
is to work on the symptoms.

That's where you
can help, Andy.

What?

Come over here.

Put your hands
on his shoulders like that.

Now, rub down
and around.

Down and around.

Down and around.
Down and around.

Doctor, I can do that.

I have a very gentle touch.

I'm sorry, but this
takes a man's strength.

You'll have to really
bear down, Andy.

Goober needs a deep
massage to get results.

All right. Go ahead.

Down...

Down...

That feels good,
Andy.

I can tell you
one thing...

This ain't easy.

Well, for it to do
any good,

you've got to keep it up
regular as clockwork.

About minutes,
five or six times
a day, every day.

Well, we'll make you
comfortable, goober.

We'll bring up the television
set so you won't get bored.

You don't have to do that,
aunt bee.

Well, if we want to watch it,

we'll come up
and watch it with you.

Company.

Andy, you won't mind

bringing it up, will you?

No.

How long you say this
might go on, doctor?

Well, with a whiplash,
it's hard to tell

but I'd say he'd
have to stay here
at least six weeks.

Oh, poor goober.

Yeah.

Down...
And around.

Down and around.

Down and around.
Down and around.

"In his hidden laboratory,

"Mark steel, mild-mannered
instructor of hygiene

"at boys high school,

"drinks the
secret formula

"which transforms
him into crab monster,

enemy of crime."

Yeah, boy, soon as he turns
into crab monster

he's really gonna wreck
that evil professor scalar.

sh**t, he could handle him
with one claw.

Then what happens?

"But unbeknownst to Mark steel

"his transformation
has been observed

by the evil professor scalar."

You see, what's happening is

the professor is hiding
behind a buncha test tubes.

You mean he was watching

how he drinks
the secret formula?

Why, that's terrible.

That evil professor scalar

is gonna drink
the secret formula

and turn
into crab monster himself.

That's what happens
in the next picture.

See, what'd I tell you?

Imagine, Mark steel
is a hygiene instructor

and he's not smart enough
to look around

for evil professors
watching him.

It's only a story, goob.

I got to freshen up goober,
ope.

Okay, paw. I'll
finish it later.

Now, don't lose the place.

I won't.

Andy, I could really
do this myself.

Aunt bee don't want you
to strain yourself.

You got
a good heart, Andy.

Thanks. Close.

Oh, that feels real good.

Good.

I just can't tell you
how much I appreciate this.

Well...

If aunt bee and Opie
hadn't taken me in

I'd be a goner by now

just layin' in my room,
all alone, hardenin' to death.

Feelin' any better now?

I'm not much better.

I guess I'm just holdin' my own.

I reckon
it'll be a six weeks deal

like the doctor said.

Ah... massage time.

That's right, Andy,
down and around.

Down and around, and
after massage, lunch.

Thank you.

Nice meat
loaf sandwich.

Mmm, meat loaf sandwich
with ketchup on it.

Oh, goodness, I
forgot the ketchup.

Andy, after the massage

would you run
down and get it?

:
Be happy to.

That's it, down
and around...

Down and around.
Down and around.

Hello, Floyd.

Oh, hi, Andy.

Haircut?

No. No-no-no-no, I just
want to sit here awhile.

Yeah, well,
go ahead, relax.

By the way...

How's goober?

Oh, I don't know, Floyd.

Well, I should get over
to see goober

but my work...
You know, busy, busy, busy.

Yeah, you should
get over, Floyd.

Goober would
love to see you.

I'll bet he would.

I'm the one
who saved his life, you know.

"Saved his life"?

Yeah.

How'd you save
his life, Floyd?

Goober came into the shop
after the accident...

Yeah?

And he-he was
just walking around

like nothing happened.

You mean he wasn't hunched up
nor nothin'?

Oh, no, no, just like nothing

never realizing
that he was a sick man

but I set him straight on that
in a hurry.

How'd you set him straight,
Floyd?

I let him know that he had
the same kind of an accident

as Johnny Harris...

Oh, rest his soul.

Floyd, Johnny Harris was kicked
in the head by a mule.

Now, how is that

the same kinda accident
as goober's?

Well, there are similarities,
Andy.

After all,
both Johnny and goober

were struck from behind

and Johnny didn't realize
he was hurt, either.

When that mule kicked him
in the head

he didn't realize nothin'.

What did goober do

when you told him
about Johnny and everything?

Well, he came to his senses.

He walked out of here,
realizing he was a sick man.

When he walked in, he was fine

and when he walked out,
he was sick, is that it?

Exactly...

And I got goober just in time.

He mighta gone on for years,
not knowing his condition.

Now, you... b...

You-you ran into Floyd
at the market

and he told you
about goober's accident.

Yes, and as
soon as I heard

Opie and I went right
over to the gas station

to see if we could
be of any help.

Andy, would you get
those paper napkins out?

Well... an-and-
and-and this...

Yes, thank you.

Yes, I was very concerned
about goober

particularly since what happened
to Willis cundiff

after his accident.

Aunt bee, Willis cundiff
is years old.

Now, an accident's gonna
effect him a lot different

than a young
fella like goober.

Andy, you don't understand.

Willis tried to keep on working
after his accident

just like poor goober.

What did I do
with the berries?

Uh... uh, here.

When you got to the gas
station, he was working?

Yes, can you imagine that?

And, then, you told him
how sick he was.

Yes, of course.

Opie and I had to practically
carry him to the car.

When you got there,
he was workin'

and after you
got through talkin' with him

you had to carry him.

Well, that's exactly how it was

and now poor goober
can't raise his arms

over his head.

It's a good thing
we caught it in time.

He wouldn't be able

to use his arms at all.

I think I'll just have
a little talk with goober.

Oh.

Oh, I'm sorry, goob.

I didn't, uh, I didn't
know you were asleep.

That's all right, Andy.

I was just takin'
a little catnap.

Uh
any better?

Oh, so-so.

Uh-huh, still can't get

your arms up over your head?

Gosh, no, can't get 'em
no higher than this

and then it's a real strain,
kinda painful.

Uh-huh.

Uh...

Hey, goob, uh,
did you ever hear

of, uh, of, uh,
what they call a, uh...

Psychosomatic illness?

Psycho what?

Psychosomatic.

No, but if it's
one of them kid diseases

I probably done had it.

Mama said I had everything.

No, I'm not talkin'
about that.

This is somethin'
else altogether

and I don't know too
much about it myself

but I do know it's when
a person is sick, you know

only they're
not real sick.

They just think
they're sick.

Just think they're sick?

Yeah.

Now, goob, you 'member
when you first got bumped

I was standin' right there?

Yeah.

You 'member?
Yeah.

And you were
feelin' fine?

And then you
got to talkin'

with Floyd
and aunt bee

and they told you

about other people
havin' accidents

and then you kinda
got worried and upset.

Andy, what're you gettin' at?

I just think
they kinda

suggested it to you and,
before you knew what happened

you talked yourself
into havin' whiplash.

That's not true.

Can't nobody talk me

into thinkin' I'm sick
when I ain't.

I got whiplash, Andy.
I really do.

No, goob-goob,
I-I came in here...

Now, I know you think
you've got whiplash

but I came in
here a while ago.

You were sleepin' and
you didn't know it

and you had your arms
way up over your head.

I did not.

Yes, you did.
They were way up
over your head.

I did not. I can't get my arms
no higher than this.

That's the way it is.
You can ask the doctor.

But they were way
up over your head!

Well, if they were

I guarantee you
I was in awful pain!

Goober, they were
way up there!

I was in pain!

Pain. Pain. Pain.

I'm tellin' you, Dr. Bennett,
it's all in his mind.

You may be right.

I know I'm right.

I watched him
while he was sleepin',

and his arms were
all over the place,

and he wasn't hurtin', either,
'cause he was smilin'.

Well, it seems, then,
he's all right now.

Well, yes.

I tell you,
when he's asleep,

his mind isn't
on his ailment.

Well, I tried
to tell him that,

but how can I
prove it to him?

It'd be difficult.

Well, I want to sleep
in my own bed.

If you could find some
way to distract him,

get his mind
off of it...

Catch him off guard.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Hi, goob.

Oh, hey, Andy.
Wanna play some checkers?

No, I just came up
to see how you are.

'Bout the same.

Uh-huh.

Whatcha doin'
with that football?

Oh, I was just throwin'
it around with ope.

Oh.

You used to like
to play football.

Sure did.

And, as I recall,
you were pretty good at it.

Yeah, I guess I was.

Catch.

I can't!

With me not bein' able
to lift my arms?

Andy, I don't understan...
Oh. Oh.

I see what
you're tryin' to do!

Tryin' to trick me
into raisin' my arms.

I told you I can't,
but you don't believe me.

I wouldn't believe you'd try
that on a man in pure agony!

I'm tryin' to show you,
you're all right!

What's all this yelling?

You know
what Andy tried to do?

What?
He was gonna throw
that football.

Why?
To prove I could
put my arms way up like this

when he knows
good and well

I can't get my arms
no higher than this.

I can't get 'em up here!

Hold it right there!
What?

Look where your arms are.
Look!

I'm cured!

It seems that way.

Isn't that wonderful!

I'll be doggoned.

You see? I told you it
was all in your head.

Andy, you son of a g*n,
you cured me.

Hey...

Catch!

Andy!

Are you okay?

I pulled my shoulder.

You got a twinge, a crick?

Here, move your arm like this.

Pull it up like that.

You mean he wasn't hurt,
after all?

No, Opie.

I don't understand that.

Well, Opie, sometimes

somebody thinks they're hurt

when they're not
actually hurt at all.

But when it's in their minds
that they're hurt,

they think they are,
and that's exactly how they are.

Only they aren't, of course.

Aunt bee, will you
say that again?

Oh, Opie, it's all over.

Let's forget about it.

I'm gonna ask paw
to explain it to me.

Oh, Opie,
I wouldn't do that.

I'd leave him alone
right now.

Andy, you sure this ain't
one of them psycho things?

Rub, goober, just rub.