05x17 - Goober Takes a Car Apart

[bunniefuu]

Starring Andy Griffith...

With Ronny Howard...

Also starring Don knotts.

Hey, goober.

Hey, Andy.

How's she going?

Running like a scalded dog.

Got her all gassed and lubed.

Running like a top.

Hey, what you reading?

A letter from Barney
on vacation in Raleigh.

In Raleigh?
I didn't know that.

He loves to go up there.

There's so much to do.

Seems to be having a good time.

Want me to read it
to you, goober?

Yeah.
Sure.

Okay.

And he starts off,
he says..."Dear Andy:

"It certainly is exciting
up here in Raleigh.

"Really having a ball.

My head hasn't hit the pillow
before : since I got here."

A quarter after : .

That Barney's got a wild streak
in him, you know that.

He says,
"catching all the shows.

"Saw that Italian picture
we read about in the paper,

"'bread, love and beans,'

and it was plenty risque,
let me tell you."

"The food here
in the cafeteria is terrific

"and I've been
eating up a storm.

"The breakfast special
is unbelievable.

"Three hotcakes, two strips
of bacon, one egg any style

juice and coffee,
all for cents."

Hmm.

"It's served only between
: and : A.M.

"But I can't sleep late anyway."

He's sure living it up,
ain't he?

Sure is.

"I ran into a fella
on the street the other day

"who tried to sell me
an iron deer for my front lawn,

"but I don't know.

"Well, it's almost : ,

"so I better get
down to breakfast.

"Love to aunt bee, Opie, Floyd,
goober and all the boys.

Ten-four.
Over and out. Barney."

"Goober."

Boy, he sure cuts loose

when he gets
out of town, don't he?

Yeah, he sure does.

There's more.

He says, "p.S."

"I'm not saying anything,
but there's an awful lot

of pretty women up here. Ha ha."

Read it to me again, Andy.

You know, the part
about the breakfast.

I will.
Let me get the phone.

Sheriff's office.

Oh, yeah, shorty.

Oh, you can't.

Oh, that's too bad.

I was counting on you.

Oh.

Well, can you still
get the school crossing?

Oh, good.

Well, I guess
I'll just have to try

to get somebody else, then.

I don't know who.

I've been asking around.

I may wind up getting
aunt bee and Opie

to come down here and stay.

Yeah.

Well, thanks anyway.

Right. Bye.

Mm.

What's the trouble?

I got to go
out of town Wednesday.

You are?
Where you going?

Mount pilot.

Sheriff's safety conference.

Be gone a day and a half.

I've got to get somebody

to stay in the courthouse
and answer the phone.

Excuse me, goober.
I got to get to the desk.

Who you going to get?

I don't know.

I've tried everybody.

I'll look in the phone book.

Would you like me
to watch the courthouse?

You?

Yeah, I could watch it for you.

I'd be there in case
anything happened

like telephone calls
or telegrams.

People wanting to know
where some street is, or...

Well, goober, I don't know.

You got your job at
the filling station.

Wally might need you.

Oh, Wally'd let me go.

Well, goober, I don't know.

Oh, come on, Andy,
please let me.

Come on, I really
would enjoy it.

You know how I love
to hang around the courthouse.

You need somebody,
and I'm better than nothing.

Ain't I better than nothing?

Well...

Oh, come on, Andy.

How about it, huh?

Well, goober, I guess.

Fine. You leave
day after tomorrow?

Yeah. Early.

Well, I'll be here.

Don't you worry about that.

Day after tomorrow,
bright and early. Wednesday.

If that's when you're leaving,
that's when I'll be here.

Wednesday morning. Early.

I'll be here.

Okay. Good.

Well, I'll see you... sheriff.

Hey, Andy.

See you Wednesday.

Goober?

Goober?

Sheriff's office.

Oh, hello, Warren.

I can't today, Warren.
I'm going out of town.

But take care of it just as
quick as I get back, okay?

Right. Bye.

Sarah, get me Wally's
filling station, will you?

Fine.
How are you?

Well, you got to gargle a lot,
Sarah.

Yeah. Just keep gargling
and use a whole lot...

Hello?

Hey, Wally,
is goober over there?

No. No. Never mind.
I'll come over.

Goober.

It's Wednesday morning.

You're supposed to be
down at the courthouse.

I know. I told
you I'd be there.

Remember, I said I'd be there?

Soon as I finish working

on gilly Walker's carburetor.

You said you'd be there early.

Well, call me a liar
on that early part,

but I'll be there,
and if I said I'll be there,

I'll be there.
How soon?

Soon as I finish working
on gilly Walker's carburetor.

Watch yourself, Andy,
it's dripping.

He's been troubled

with the darndest noise
in that car.

First it was "chop wheat,
chop wheat, chop wheat."

I fixed that, and then
it was "pukka-pukka-pukka"

like an old banty rooster.

I think it's all
in the carburetor,

so I've taken it all apart.

No wonder he has trouble.

Almost burned his
valves out once.

Speed, speed, speed... that's
all he ever thinks about.

I told him, but he won't listen.

He really abuses that car.

Uh, hold it for me.

Hello.

Oh, howdy.

No, I'd like to, but I can't.

I'm gonna be helping the sheriff
out down at the courthouse.

Well, why don't you
do it yourself? It's easy.

Just take the head off.

Clean out the intake ports
and the valve Springs.

Then drain the crank case
and fill it full of weight.

Sure.
Ain't nothing to it.

Okay. Good-bye, Alice.

Alice?

Alice Nathan.

Sweet little ol' woman.

I think she's a quaker.

Yeah, I know her, goober.

Now listen... when you get
down to the courthouse,

all you have to do
is answer the phone.

Right, Andy, I'll be there.

Goober,
when you answer the phone

just say "sheriff's office."

Sheriff's office.
Got you.

Now, anybody that calls

you tell them I'm out of town

and I'll be back
in a day and a half.

Now, if they want
to leave a message, take it.

If they're bound to talk to me

I'll leave a number
on the desk where I'll be.

You know, I don't think

this noise is in the carburetor.

It ain't a carburetor noise.

You'll get a "fft-fft-fft"

from a carburetor,
but you won't get

a real "pukka-pukka."

I believe it's something else.

Goober?

I'll be through
in just a minute.

Then I'm coming
right down there.

Okay.

Hey, Andy.

I'll be there.

Andy, I don't think
two shirts are enough.

I've just finished
ironing these three.

I'm just going to be gone
a day and a half.

You might spill
something on yourself.

I think it's very nice of goober

to help out this way.

I think it's real nice.

Yes, it is nice.

His intentions are fine
and everything, but...

But what?

Well, I'm not sure he's capable.

Well, he must be.
He works in a garage.

Well, that's got nothing
to do with it.

He's a fine mechanic

but I don't know
whether he can handle

things at the courthouse.

Never mind, Andy.
I'll get it.

It's Doris Lacey.

Hello, Doris.

Oh. Uh, yes, Mr. Yelton,
he's right here.

Don yelton.

Yeah, Don. What's up?

That's down at the courthouse
on my desk with your name on it.

Why don't you call down there
and have goo...

You did call
and there's nobody there?

Well, I'll go down there
and tend to it.

Yeah. You call me there.

Right.
Okay. Bye.

Yeah, goober's capable
all right.

He ain't even at the courthouse.

What do you suppose happened?

Said he'd be there.

Didn't he say he'd be there?

Usually when he says

he's going to be
some place, he's there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
he said he'd be there.

Come on, goober.
Get a move on.

I'm hurrying.

Well, how long is
it going to be?

I had to be in
eastlake an hour ago.

Just keep your shirt on, gilly.

The way you treat this car

you're lucky it runs at all.

I've told you and told you.

Don't tell me... just fix it.

Gilly, you don't drive a car
fast all the time.

You drive her slow
every now and then.

Don't tell me how
to drive, goober.

Somebody ought to.

Oh, yeah?
Yeah!

Well, don't you.

Goober!

Goober, what's going on?

I'll tell you what's
going on. Nothing.

He promised this car
would be fixed at : .

It's almost : .

Is it my fault he don't know
how to treat a car?

He's abused this machine
for years.

Don't tell me how
to drive, goober.

Well, you drive too fast.

I never got a ticket.

And here's the sheriff
right here. Ask him.

Did you ever give me a ticket?

You never got a ticket
'cause he never caught you.

Hold it, hold it.

And you don't let
the clutch out all the way.

Goober, you were supposed to be
at the courthouse.

I'm here.

But you're not in it.

There's the phone.

You're not paying attention.

You might as well go back
to the filling station.

Oh, Andy, give me
another chance, will you?

I promise I won't leave the
courthouse. Cross my heart.

No, goober. I'm going to get
aunt bee to stay.

Andy, wait!

How about it, goober?

Are you going to get
this car fixed today?

I'll get it fixed.

If you didn't drive so fast,

you wouldn't have
to get it fixed.

Besides, Andy's mad
at me, so just hush.

I guess that's everything.

Take care of yourself.

Ope, aunt bee is gonna be busy,
so help out all you can.

You'll be the man of the house.

I'll take care of everything.

Okay. Well, I guess
I'd better go.

I'll have to do some fancy
driving to get there on time.

Hey, Andy. Glad
I caught you.

Listen, goober...

Wait, wait, wait.

Good news. I
fixed gilly's car.

Good, goob.

I don't know how I
did it, but I did.

You ever see him drive?

Listen, goober, I'm in a hurry.

I'm going to the courthouse.

No, goober.
No, no, no, no.

Aunt bee's going to stay.

Andy, I promise I won't
leave the courthouse.

I'll stay and answer the phone.

No, goober.

Maybe it would be better

if there was a man
in the courthouse,

just in case.

Yeah, just in case
there's a fire

or famine or something.

I don't care
which one of you stays.

Goober, when you go down there,

you stay inside the courthouse.

Don't you go outside
the courthouse.

I won't set foot
outside, I promise.

Only thing that will get me out

is a fire or famine or
to go to the drugstore

to get a sandwich.

Goober.
I'll eat in.

Hey, goober!

Hey, gilly.

I thought you said
this was fixed.

Well, it is.

Like heck it is.

It's doing a new thing now.

Yeah, what?

Like a kid's bicycle bell.

It goes "p'ding-p'ding."

I'll be dogged.

P'ding-p'ding.

Yeah. Now, what's that?

Dogged if I know.

You better know,
'cause I paid good money

to have this thing fixed,
and I want it right!

Get in. I'll drive you to the
garage and you can listen to it.

No, gilly, I can't do that.

I'm going down
to the courthouse.

I promised Andy.

I'm going down
to the courthouse,

and I ain't leaving there
till he gets back.

I'll drive you to the
courthouse. Now get in.

How are you aiming to drive

Fascinating. It's
just fascinating.

I never saw a motor running

all by itself this way.

Just fascinating.

Yeah.

Well, did you hear that?

It went "p'ding, p'ding"
just as plain as day.

I didn't hear nothing.
Did you, Floyd?

No, all I heard was
a roaring noise.

See?

Well, the trouble is,
Floyd, you're facing it.

Now, just turn around
and just listen, okay?

All right.

Okay, now... now, start
it up again, goober.

Fascinating.

I heard it! I heard it.

It sounded like a sneeze.

Shut it off, goober.

Shut it off!

Gilly, I think all
them noises are in your head.

I don't think there's
nothing wrong with it.

Well, then let's just
put it back in the car

and take it for a drive,
and then you'll hear it!

No, gilly. I told you before
I can't do that.

I promised Andy
I was going to stay

right here in the courthouse,

and that's what
I'm gonna flat do.

Excuse me.

How did they do it, sheriff?

Goober.

Yeah, Andy?

I got something
I want to ask you.

You got it, buddy.

How'd you get that car in here?

I made up my mind

to find out what was
wrong with it,

so I started taking it apart

and bringing the parts
in to work on.

Before I knew it, there she was.

The only reason I did it

was because you said
not to leave the courthouse.

It was a beautiful
piece of work, Andy.

Oh, I never saw a man work
so fast and so expertly.

Really a beautiful
thing to watch.

I don't believe it.

Oh, yeah.
It was beautiful.

Wasn't it beautiful?

It still don't run right.

I don't care what you say.

It still don't run right.

It runs as good as it can.

Yeah?

After what you done to it.

You gonna tell me
how to drive again?

All I know is you drive...
Hold it.

Goober, I want to ask
you something else.

How you figure on
getting it out of here?

Out.

Well, uh, I reckon
I never thought of that.

I guess I can't drive it
out the door.

No, you can't.

I guess I'll have
to take it apart again

and put it together
out on the street.

Well, I sure want to see that,

and you'll want to
see that too, Andy.

It's a beautiful thing to watch.

Goober, if I was you,

I'd start taking that car apart

and getting it out
of here right now.

Right now?

You got it... right now.

Can I just run the motor
one more time to show...

No.

Get it out of here right now.

Andy, the poor boy
has worked so hard.

It's really a Beau...

No!

Sheriff's office.

Oh, yes, Mrs. Corey.

Yes, ma'am, I just got back.

Yes, it was a nice trip.

Goober, don't run
that thing in here!

I'm on the phone!

What, Mrs. Corey?

Yes, it does sound like a car
is right in the courthouse.

Shut it off, goober.

Listen, Mrs. Corey,
I'll get over there

just as quick as I can.

Well, I know. Yes, ma'am.

I'll get over there
just as quick as I can. Right.

Excuse me.

Goober!

What, Andy?!

Shut it off!

I couldn't hear you
with the motor running.

Goober, get out of there

and start taking that
car apart right now.

Sure, Andy. Sure.

Well, what do you think?
Is it fixed or not?

I'm going to sell it.

Why do you want to sell it for?

I got it running like a top.

I've had it with this car.

You want to sell it
for me, goober?

I might be able...
Goober!

I'm fixing to.

I'm taking it apart now,
right this minute.

I got to go over
to Mrs. Corey's,

and when I get back,
you'd better have

a good start getting
this car out of here.

You understand?

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

I'll move it right now.

Right now.

Hey, Andy, I'm taking it apart.

I'm right down to the chassis.

What are you stopping now for?

Floyd, what are you
doing up on that thing?

Well, I'll tell you, Andy.

I just might buy this car.

Goober thinks I might get it
pretty cheap.

What do you think?

Floyd, this isn't
a used-car lot.

It's the courthouse.

I know that.
I realize that, Andy.

But as long
as the car was here...

I can set it up
in your front yard

and you could watch me.

Oh, I'd like that.

You'd like it, too, Andy.

Oh, it's a beautiful thing
to watch, just beautiful.

Now, goober...

I'm going to get out of here,

'cause if I don't,
I'm liable to start hollering.

And when I get done hollering,

I'm liable to take
one of these g*ns

out of this rack here
and sh**t you.

You understand that?

Yo.

Now, I'm going home.

And when I come back here
in the morning,

I want all traces
of that car to be gone.

You understand that?

Yes, sir.
By tomorrow morning

you won't ever know
there was a car in here.

I promise.

You better keep that promise.

Who's there?

Andy.

What are you doing
home at this hour?

Are you sick?
Yeah, I'm sick.

Oh, go upstairs
and get a warm bath

and I'll get you some hot milk.

No, I'm not that kind of sick.

I'm just sick of goober
and everything.

Oh.

Oh, that reminds me.

Eleanor schroeder called me

and told me the strangest story.

Well, it's true.

You mean there is...

Yeah, there's a car
in the courthouse.

Oh, for goodness' sakes.
How did that...

I don't want to talk
about it, aunt bee.

I don't want to talk about it.

Oh, did sheriff Jackson
get a hold of you?

President of the
sheriff's association?

He called and I told him

you were down at the courthouse.

Did he reach you?

No. I haven't spent
any more time

in the courthouse
than I can help.

What'd he want?

He and his assistant

were coming from the conference

and they thought they'd stop by

and see you for a few minutes.

When are they coming?

Soon as they get to town.

Where'd they call from?
Oh, I don't know.

Somewhere along the road.

Oh, boy.

If they come and that car
is still in there...

I'll see ya, aunt bee.

Goober!

You said you wasn't coming back

till tomorrow morning.

What's that got
to do with anything?

Floyd couldn't make up
his mind with the body off,

so I stuck it together
so he could try it out.

He'll be right back.

The doors first.

How do you get it off here?

Andy, what you doing?
Trying to save myself

from being the laughingstock
of the whole state,

and you better help me.

Well, don't you think
you'll need wrench?

Goober, I'm gonna
get you for this.

Hello there, sheriff Taylor.

Sheriff Jackson.

How you doing, Joe?

Oh, we just thought
we'd stop in to say hello

as long as we were
passing through.

Well, I'm tickled
to death you did.

You got a car in the courthouse.

Yeah.
It's right in here.

How'd you get it in here?

Oh...

Goober there put it in here.

Oh.

That's right. I did it.

Took it apart piece by piece
and got it right in here.

Belongs to gilly Walker.

You wouldn't believe
how he abuses that car.

Speed, speed, speed...
That's all he ever thinks about.

I've told him,
but he just won't listen.

Oh.

Oh!
It's an exhibit, huh?

What?

That's very clever, sheriff.

Oh, well, you're putting
that traffic safety program

right into effect, huh, sheriff?

Well...yeah.

Well, it's
a great object lesson.

Many people been in to see it?

Have they? People have been
coming in all day and all night.

By golly, Joe

maybe we ought to have
something like this

over in siler city.

I think it's a great idea.

A thing like this hits home.

Goober, what's the chances
of fixing up something like this

for our courthouse?

I can do it, but I got
to get this one out.

Uh, goober?

Maybe we better leave it up
a couple more days.

You know, make sure we
get the message across.

There's nothing like
a visual exhibit

to make the point,
you know what I mean?

Say it again.

Uh, sheriff, Joe,

come on let me show you
around town here in Mayberry

and show you some
of our safety programs...

Well, it's been
most interesting, sheriff.

Really enjoyed myself.

Remember... if you're
ever over in siler city,

be sure and drop in and see us.

I'll sure do it.

You all come back, now.

Right. Bye.
We'll see you. Bye.

Take it easy.
Don't burn out your valves.

So long.

Bye.

Goober?

Yeah, Andy?

Let's go inside.

Goober?

Yeah, Andy?

Get it out.

Huh?

I said get it out...
Right now.

Right now?