05x12 - The Darling Baby

[bunniefuu]

Starring Andy Griffith...

With Ronny Howard...

Also starring Don knotts.

Well, that beats me.

How'd you get that egg
in that bottle?

The mouth of the bottle

is a good quarter inch
smaller than the egg.

How'd you get it in there?

Scientifically, paw.

Well, I know
it's scientifically,

but how'd you get it in there?

Well, it's the atmosphere, paw.

First, I heated up the bottle.

Then, I made the egg
all slippy with butter.

I put the egg on top,
and when the bottle cooled,

the atmosphere
pushed the egg down.

Well, I'll be dogged.
That's amazing.

Make a wish, paw.

Ope, I...

Come on, paw.
Make a wish.

Oh, all right.

Okay.

What is that, a rubber wishbone?

Not really. I made it rubber
by soaking it in vinegar.

Where are you getting
all these tricks?

They're not really tricks, paw.

They're facts of science.

See?

" scientific tricks
a boy can do at home

"by Seymour schreck,

author of filling the garage
on a rainy day."

You can keep it for a while
and read up on it.

I might do that sometime.

Here. Better get the lunch
dishes home to aunt bee.

Okay.

And thanks for
the scientific demonstration.

Save me a trip
to the world's fair.

That's okay, paw.
Bye.

Bye.

So long, paw.

How you doin', Barney?

Andy.

Asleep?
No.

No, I was just watching traffic.

How do you watch traffic
with your eyes closed?

They weren't closed.

Just had 'em squinched up

so they couldn't see me looking.

Oh.

Well, I'll be dogged.
It's the darlings.

Yeah, charlene's got a baby.

Looks like.

Howdy, sheriff.

Hey there, charlene.
Hello, boys.

Mr. Darling,
glad to see you.

What in the world is this?

Well, we got us an addition

to the third generation.

Well, congratulations.

Ain't she just pretty
as a peach?

Oh, she is.

Her name's andelina.

We named her after you, sheriff.

'Cause you done
so much to help us.

Well, what do you know
about that!

Hello, there.

Oh, you want to take my finger?

Go ahead.

She's a darling, all right.

Just strong as a bull.

Can she hold
my finger for a second?

Sure, deputy.

Go on.

Grab on.

Go on.

She won't take my finger.

Well, I guess you just
got one of those fingers

babies don't take to.

You boys must be pretty proud
to be uncles.

Oh, they're too choked up
to say anything.

Oh. Well, come on in
out of the sun.

Come on, charlene,
Mr. Darling.

Get in here.

Come on, boys.

That's a time.

Bring that thing on in here.

Jabber right away, don't they?

Yeah.

Well, charlene,
where's your husband?

Dud's in the mountains.

Possum season.

With another mouth to feed,

he's got to keep his nose
to possum hole.

Is dud in possum now?

Mm-hmm. He had
to make a change.

He was in beaver,

but wadin' in and out of them
cricks and swamps

just kept his head
stuffed day and night.

Oh.

Coochie coochie coo.
Cute.

Well, Mr. Darling,

it must be a great feeling
to be a grandfather.

'Tis. 'Tis.

Gives you a feeling
of immortal-like

to know that darling blood

will be flowing
through them mountains

for years to come.

That's right.

Mighty nice of you

to bring little andelina
into town to show us.

Oh, this ain't "to show" trip.

It's got a purpose.

Oh?

It's a betrothing.

A betrothing?

We're here to find a young boy

to pledge his hand
and heart to andelina.

You're kidding.

That's what European
royalty used to do.

The minute the baby was born,

they'd pick a mate for it.

They got it from us.

Well, that kills me.

Three-month-old baby
getting engaged.

Here I am and only
keeping steady company.

Have you got any candidates?

Oh, not as yet

but we'll find
a young'un somewheres.

They, uh, still having
babies, ain't they?

Well, yeah.

They sound serious.

Don't worry about it.

They won't find anybody

and they'll go on back home.

You know, sheriff, uh,
we was kind of hoping

that, uh, well,
that you'd help spread the word.

You know, the, uh, young fella

that gets andelina here

comes into a pretty good dowry.

An x cottage on the back .

All it needs is a roof,
some fresh mud on the floor.

It'd be a real paradise.

And a cow comes with it.

A cow comes right with it, huh?

And two acres of side hill

with good, strong boulders.

Well, that sounds

like a good deal,
Mr. Darling

wouldn't you say, Barn?

Yeah.

I mean, a cow and everything

and them boulders.

But now, don't...
Don't be disappointed

if you get turned down
a few times.

If worse comes to worse,

we'll write to that Europe

and bring in an out-of-towner.

Anyways, we, uh...

We got the little girl.

That's half the battle.

Took my finger.

Well...

Howdy, sheriff.

This is a surprise.

Ain't it.

Well, uh, come on in, won't you?

Boys.

Hi, sheriff.

Charlene...boys.

Well, uh,

what brings you out this way

so late after supper?

We finished lookin' for the day,

so we thought we'd come by

and pick with you a little bit.

Oh, well, I can't think
of anything

I'd rather do.

Uh, set down.

Boys.

Charlene.

Well, did you have any luck

finding anybody
for andelina today?

Well, we come across
one young'un

but he had a big wart
on the end of his nose.

Oh.
Well, that wouldn't do.

Oh, uh, you all remember
my aunt bee.

Of course.

The baby. Oh.

Oh, isn't she beautiful?!

Oh, she's a little angel.

A little angel.

Oh, may I take her over
to Mrs. Jones?

She loves babies.
May I?

Oh, sure.

I'll take very, very good care.

Here we go
to Mrs. Jones.

She's just adorable.

Well, what would you all
like to play?

We heard a new one.

It's called "wet shoes
in the sunset."

That's too slow, pa.

Well, how about
"toe sack full of love"?

You know, I haven't heard
charlene sing

in a long time.

Well, sing that love song

that I like so well.

That makes you cry, paw.

Well, I'll fight it.

♪ There is a time

♪ for love and laughter

♪ the days will pass

♪ like summer storms

♪ the winter wind

♪ will follow after

♪ but there is love

♪ and love is warm

♪ there is a time

♪ for us to wander

♪ when time is young

♪ and so are we

♪ the woods are greener

♪ over yonder

♪ the path is new

♪ the world is free

♪ there is a time

♪ when leaves are falling

♪ the woods are gray

♪ the paths are old

♪ the snow will come

♪ when geese are calling

♪ we need a fire

♪ against the cold

♪ there is a time

♪ for us to wander

♪ when time is young

♪ and so are we

♪ the woods are greener

♪ over yonder

♪ the path is new

♪ the world is free

♪ there is a time

♪ for us to wander

♪ when time is young

♪ and so are we

♪ the woods are greener

♪ over yonder

♪ the path is new

♪ the world is free

♪ the path is new

♪ the world is free

Well, I believe
that's the prettiest thing

I ever heard.

I'm all washed, paw.

Oh, op.

You remember Mr. Darling,
charlene and the boys.

Hi.

Hey, I plumb forgot you
had a young'un, sheriff.

He's taller than
a stork on a stilt.

He's got
his paw's prettiness, too.

Did you wash your arms?
Yeah, paw.

That's a time.

Say good night to everybody.

Night, everybody.

Good night.

Nicely mannered.

Paw?
Hmm?

Is it okay

if I don't kiss you
in front of company?

Okay.

Good night.

Good night, paw.

Pretty nice youngster
you got there.

Thank you.

Lots of behavior, too.

What do you think, charlene?

Oh, he's a fine boy.

He's perfectly mannerized.

How old is he, sheriff?

.

Well, that ain't
so bad, charlene.

Your ma was when I was .

Of course I was
her second husband, you know.

Her first husband
got run over by a team of hogs.

Now, wait a minute,
Mr. Darling. Hold on.

Are you trying to say...?

That's right.

Your Opie and
our andelina's being pledged.

The darlings and the Taylor.

Once twain shall be as one.

No, Mr. Darling!

Absolutely not!

I knew you'd get excited
at the idea.

Why, your face is so full
of pride right now

it's as red as a tomato.

It's crazy. It's just crazy.

Now, we got some papers here.

They's made up by our preacher

so they're all legal.

You can see
it accounts for the cow,

the two acres of side hill
with good, strong boulders,

the house without the roof...

Mr. Darling...

If you want a roof,

you got to put that on yourself.

This can't all be one way.

If you'll just sign it
right here...

Opie's only years old!

We're willing to overlook that.

There's still time
to get him pledged.

Opie and andelina are going
to be such a perfect couple.

They'll just be
so sweet together.

No, charlene.

Sheriff...

Take the advice
of a worldly person.

Once in a man's life

he falls into a pot of riches.

Now, that's happening
to you right now.

There's gracious in giving

and there's gracious in taking.

Now, you've been giving
all your life.

It's time to do some taking.

Be gracious.

Mr. Darling...

No more courting for tonight.

I can see yer's all choked up.

Now, we'll, we'll leave
the signing till tomorrow.

All right, everybody
on the truck!

Charlene, go see if miss bee's
back with the bride.

Son, I just can't tell you

how glad I am
that we's gonna be kin.

Say good night to your
daddy-in-law, andelina.

Well, they can't
be serious, Andy.

I mean, as long
as you've made your point

and taken your stand,

they got to forget about it
and head back to the hills.

The old man's pretty stubborn.

It's hard to say no to a man

that won't take no as part
of the English language.

Got to be firm.

Yeah.

You know, a few years back

a similar thing happened to me.

Yeah?

Maybe I never told you about it.

The girl's name
was halcyon Loretta winslow.

Pretty name.

Ugliest girl you ever saw
in your life.

What happened was her father
got it in his head

that I should marry halcyon.

You know, he saw my picture
in the paper.

You remember when I won
that church raffle?

Four free haircuts?

Oh, yeah.

Picture was all over
the front page.

You know
how that affects people.

They go crazy.

And right away
he saw "civil servant."

Security, right?

Yeah.

And he saw "unmarried."

And at the time,
I was only three-o.

Thirty?

Right.

He saw in me an untapped source
of lifetime happiness

for his ugly daughter.

So, needless to say

they got my phone number
from the barber

and, well, the rest is history.

I don't believe
I ever heard of it.

You didn't?

Mnh-mnh.

Well, I'll tell you, it's like
a tale out of two cities.

First, I only saw the old man
for about a week.

He made me a terrific offer:

Third interest
in a prune-pitting operation.

A lot of money in that.

Well, you got to like it.

Full use of the company car,

an interest in the family home

and a beautiful hillside plot
in the mt. Pilot cemetery.

That burial part alone's
worth a fortune.

Well, you know me.

When opportunity knocks,

old Barn's got to
at least take a peek

and see if there's
anybody on the stoop.

Yeah.

Well, anyway,
the old man made a date

for all of us to meet
down at klein's coffeehouse

for an American cheese
and garni.

Yeah. Finally
met her, huh?

Oh, boy.

Not too pretty?

Beasto maristo.

Well, I'll tell you

that cheese sandwich
stuck right there

for about three days.

How'd you finally
get off the hook?

Well, first of all, I paid
for my own cheese sandwich.

Wipe out any obligation.

Right. And then I took
the old man to one side

and I told him straight out,
"n-o," a flat no dice.

But he kept after me...

Letters, phone calls,

driving that company car by,
all shiny and new...

And I held my ground.

Pretty soon, he got the idea,
and that was the end of it.

Whatever happened to halcyon?

Well, you know, she went east
to one of them schools

where they trim you down,
clear your skin,

make you walk around
witha book on your head.

Yeah?
Yeah.

Don't tell me she turned out
to be beautiful.

No, she's still ugly,
single, and pitting prunes.

Well...

It's taken a while,

but I gather you're saying
if I keep a firm no,

the darlings will go
home and forget it.

Touche.
Mmm.

Hi, paw.

What's going on?

What you wearing
your sunday suit for?

This ain't my sunday suit, paw.

That's brand-new.

Look at that...
That's tropical worsted.

Where'd you get that?

I was walking down the street.

Mr. Darling
and miss charlene took me

into Weaver's department store.

Next thing I knew,
I was in this suit.

They told me
it was mine to keep.

Now, that does it.

I'm going to put a stop to this.

It'd be a shame
to give this back.

Barn!

Come on.

Charlene, where's aunt bee?!

She's out in the kitchen
making sandwiches.

Here, want one?

Charlene, what's going on?!

It's an engagement party.

How many times
do I have to tell you?

There's no engagement!

There's got to be an engagement

if there's going
to be a marriage.

Now, look, charlene...

Look, Mr. Darling...

What is this thing anyway?

It's a egg in a bottle.

Now, look...

I ain't never seen 'em
fixed like that afore.

I think I'll pass it up
for the time being.

Will you sit down?!

Now, look,
Mr. Darling...

I'm trying to talk to you

about this marriage!

Rough, ain't it?

It affects me the same way.

Paw?

Go sit down, Opie!

Now, look, Mr. Darling,
this ain't gonna work.

We've got to do
something about it!

Of course we're gonna
do somethin' about it.

We're gonna drink a little

and we're gonna play a little

and then we're gonna eat
all that food we brung

and then we're gonna

have the a-signin'
of the agreement.

There you go.

Paw, I don't want to marry her.

Mr. Darling...

Don't they make a nice

they's matched together

like a racy team of buggy mules.

Hey, ope, listen...

You're on duty!

One of the boys just said
this was mulberry squeezins.

That's all it is.

Mulberry squeezins.

Where's the groom?

He'll be back in a minute.

How about me
joining the boys in a number?

What'll it be, sheriff?

How 'bout that "evo Walker"
the boys do so good?

Well, just hang on to something.

A-one, two, one, two...

♪ now, evo Walker
was born in Kentucky ♪

♪ And raised by his daddy
on a hillside farm ♪

♪ He took up fiddle playin'
just for fun ♪

♪ That's the last work
that evo Walker done ♪

♪ Evo Walker was a mighty fine
fiddle player ♪

♪ Evo Walker was
a mighty fine fiddle player ♪

♪ Well, evo Walker,
he left Kentucky ♪

♪ 'Cause evo's daddy
said "durn yer hide ♪"

♪ "you won't plant corn
and you won't make hay ♪

♪ Sit on the porch and you play
that thing all day" ♪

♪ Evo Walker was
a mighty fine fiddle player ♪

♪ Well, evo Walker,
he walked and he fiddled ♪

♪ And he walked and he fiddled
and he fiddled till he died ♪

♪ But I've heard tell
when the wind is down ♪

♪ And the moon shines bright
and the leaves are brown ♪

♪ You can hear old evo
fiddlin' all a... ♪

♪ Round

Oh, now, that was
some kind of fine

I'm here to tell you.

And lookit there...

The boy's a-gettin' eager.

Now's as good a time
to sign the agreement as any.

Well, I'll go along with that.

Andy, wait a minute!

What are you doing, Andy?

Barn, stay out of this.

No, I will not!

I've known this little boy

ever since he was a baby.

He's like my own son

and he's not going
to get engaged to anybody

and anybody who says otherwise
is gonna have to reckon with me.

Well...

Sorry for the interruption,
Mr. Darling.

That's all right.

Now, if you just sign
right there.

Sign on them two lines
right there.

I'll tell 'im.

She's my child.

You just sign on them
two lines right there.

Okay.

Okay, ope.

Uh, just a minute.

Witness all ye here

the signing is about
to take place.

Go ahead, boy.

In the name of the...

Barney, go in the kitchen.

Now... now, wait.

Eebum-shoobum

shoobum-shoobum.

What's that?

Oh, nothing.

That's just...
Something we say.

Okay.

Okay.

There you are.

Well...

There she is, boy.

She's done and done.

Paw, them signatures
disappeared.

Did you see that?

Let's get out of here.

You got witchery in your house.

Well, just a little
on my mama's side.

Don't hold it against me.

Don't touch me!
It might be catchy.

Well, ope?

That disappearing ink worked
swell, didn't it, paw?

It's just terrible!

Why did you do it, Andy

it's over, Barn.

What do you mean it's over?

Maybe you better go upstairs.

I'll take him home.

Barn, this isn't like you.

Well, I don't care.

Oh, good.
Good. Extra good.

Wasn't that good, andelina?

Oh, she liked that.
Did you see her chuckle?

Well, Mr. Darling,
I can't tell you

how much I appreciate
you comin' back like this

and not holding that against me.

Well, sheriff, me and
the boys... we got to talkin'

and we decided that
since there's some witches

lives up around our place
that we visit with

and talk to and everything,
even go to church with,

there ain't no reason that we
can't associate with you.

Well, now, that's just
about the nicest thing

I ever heard of.

Now, that don't mean
that you're gonna get

to marry your son off
to my granddaughter.

Oh, well, I understand that.

Let's seal it with a song.

How about "will you love me
when I'm old and ugly"?

Oh, no, paw, that'n makes
the baby cry.

Oh. Well, how about "stay all
night, stay a little longer"?

Well, hang on.

A-one and a-two and a-one.

♪ Stay all night,
stay a little longer ♪

♪ Dance all night,
dance a little longer ♪

♪ Take off your coat
and throw it in the corner ♪

♪ Can't see why you don't stay
a little longer ♪

♪ I got a gal,
her name is Sally ♪

♪ She lives down
the shinbone valley ♪

♪ Number on the gate,
number on the door ♪

♪ The next house over
is the grocery store ♪