05x03 - Family Visit

[bunniefuu]

Starring Andy Griffith...

With Ronny Howard...

Also starring Don knotts.

Mornin', Eli.
Good service.

You'll enjoy it.

We went to the early one.

Hey, ope.
Hey, Johnny Paul.

Good sermon today.
It's about Cain and Abel.

You see, it's about
these two brothers,

and they had all this
trouble... Opie, hush.

Oh, sorry, paw.

It's all I can tell you,
Johnny Paul.

But don't be surprised
if somebody gets k*lled.

Opie, really.

Opie, Bible knowledge is a fine
thing, but don't flaunt it.

Andy, look there... the beamons.

Don't they make a picture?

Four generations,
all going to church together.

It's Claude, sr., Claude, Jr.

Plain Claude beamon,
and claudette.

What a wonderful thing.

Paw?
Hmm?

Why do they call Mr. Beamon
"plain Claude beamon"?

Because he's not a sr.
And he's not a Jr.

So they call him
"plain Claude beamon."

All these years, I thought
they called him "plain Claude"

because he was so homely.

He's not really homely.

He's got the beamon overbite

but that's more
of a characteristic.

Trait.
Oh, it's a sweet sight.

Andy, I wish
we had more relatives.

Right now, I can't think
of anything I'd enjoy more

than cooking
a big chicken dinner

for a house full of relatives.

Well, we got a few kin
sprinkled 'round here and there.

Oh, but we never see them.

Opie's never even met
his uncle Todd.

Have I got an uncle Todd, paw?

Well, sort of.

He's my second cousin.

He's what they call
a wiper on a oil tanker.

Travels all over the world.

Just wipin'?

Your uncle Todd helps
to keep the engines on ships

in working order.

He's been to Hong Kong and
Singapore and London and Paris

all those foreign spots.

Wow. Doesn't he ever
come to America?

He don't want to.

Something about a girl
in Cleveland, Ohio.

Andy, shh.

No. Opie's never met
any of his relatives.

He's never met his uncle Ollie
or his aunt Nora

and their two boys,
Roger and Bruce.

I think it's a shame.

I think it's a crying shame.

Well, one of these days

we'll go up to lake Charles
and see 'em.

You've said that for years.

You'll never find the time.

Well, we'll
go up there sometime.

Andy, why don't
we invite them here?

Well...

Please.

It's been a long time
since I've seen my baby sister.

Well, if you really want to.

Really?
Well, sure.

Good. I'll write
Ollie and Nora tonight

and I'll invite them
for next weekend.

Boy, it's been a long time
since I've seen uncle Ollie.

years, maybe more.

Will we have anything in common?

Of course you will.

You and he
played baseball together.

Maybe he'll bring along
his ball and bat.

Aunt bee,
that was a long time ago.

We're a lot older now.

Don't worry about it.

Once you learn to catch a ball,
you never forget.

Now, aunt bee

I hope you won't work too
hard while they're here.

Oh, I'll be just fine.

If your back goes out

the whole visit,
it'll be ruined.

My back won't go out.

It's been in for two months.

Just long enough for you
to get cocky about it.

Oh, don't worry about it.

I want you to
remember I said it...

Don't work too hard.

Let aunt Nora help out.

Let's not argue, Andy.

I'll get all hot
before they get here.

I'll flush through
my face powder.

Hello, Beatrice!

Oh, Nora!
Hey, aunt Nora.

Hello there, Ollie,
you old son of a g*n.

You're putting on
a little weight.

How about yourself?

That's a pretty good
bay window you've got.

Let me see Andy.

Livin' the good life, Ollie.

Oh, I can see that.

Oh, he hasn't changed.
Hey, Nora.

He hasn't changed.

I've always said it
and I always will...

He's the handsomest
man in our family.

Well...
Oh, yes, you are.

Handsome as a boy,
handsome as a man.

Man and boy.

Handsome is as handsome does.

Oh!

Oh, handsome,
handsome, handsome.

I know at least
women back home

that would just love to
get their hooks into you.

Hey, hey, here now,
none of that.

You promised.

Andy's got it made
as a single man.

Let the man have a little peace.

Oh, I haven't said hello
to the boys. Hey, boys.

Hey.
Hey.

This is Opie.

Say hello to the boys, ope.

Hey. Hey. Hey.

You were supposed to yell

when you saw a maroon two-door.

A maroon's a new
make to me, paw.

Aw, well.
Come on downstairs.

Instead of taking highway seven,

I cut over to .

Saved seven miles.

Here you are, Andy.

Taking , I was able
to get gas at freeport.

I remember she took
/ gallons.

That shows she was giving me
miles to the gallon.

That's good.

She'll do better in the country

than she will in the city.

Sure. In the city, you got
all that stop-and-go driving.

In the city, you get
all that stop-and-go driving.

miles to the gallon, huh?

Only in the country.

Andy, have some more potatoes.

Oh, no, I had plenty.

You've hardly touched them.

Didn't you like the
way I fixed them?

Oh, they was good.
I just had plenty.

Well, here.
Have some more.

You don't eat enough
to keep a bird alive.

You'd make a wonderful
match for racine Tyler.

She doesn't eat either.

Andy has a nice girlfriend
right here in town...

The schoolteacher.

You know what they say
about schoolteachers.

Oh, shut up, Ollie.

Oh, Andy, you'd love racine.

She's a widow, too.

You know what they say
about widows.

Shut up, Ollie.

He left her a nice
piece of change, too

and a $ , insurance policy.

He was the Tyler bakery.

It's a pretty good deal, Andy...

Skinny widow, $ , ,

three-year-old bakery truck
with the original paint.

I like a good deal.

Well...

How would everybody like
to take a spin around town

see the sights?

Yeah!

Ollie!
Ollie, don't, uh...

Don't do that, Ollie.

Don't, uh, don't fool with it.

Don't do that, Ollie.

Why? Scared you're
gonna get arrested?

Now, this is all new
in through here.

Well, it doesn't look new.

Well, it's new since
you've been here, Nora.

Hey, testing, testing.
Hey, testing.

Roger, don't do that.
Don't do that.

Don't fool with it.

Now... now, this over
here, that's all new.

What's that?
I don't see anything.

Well, that used to be all grass.

Now it's all blacktop.

A parking lot for the
help at the gas works.

I hate to knock your town, Andy

but lake Charles blacktopped
around the gas works

three years ago.

Well, we were slow
in getting federal aid.

Watch it, you ninny!

Don't do that, Ollie.
Don't do that.

I was in the wrong.

I shouldn't have been
holding the door

when a car was going past.

Look, we've got some authority
in this town.

Let's use it.

Ollie, stop it. Andy don't
want you using his siren.

What's wrong with that? Well, Andy don't
want you messing with it, so stop it.

Then let him tell me.

Andy, tell him.

It's all right, aunt Nora.

Don't do that,
but it's all right.

Now, boys, lie still.

I don't wanna sleep
in the middle.

You'll sleep in the middle.

What if I have to get up
or something?

Well, you crawl over Opie.

Aunt bee, tell Roger

to take his foot out of my back.

Roger, get your foot
out of Opie's back.

Now, let's all get to sleep.

It's getting late now.

Ow! He got me right
in the pit of my back.

Oh, well, that'll be all right.

I'll rub it down
with witch Hazel in the morning.

Witch Hazel makes my eyes water.

Well, you won't see so well

but you'll feel better.

Good night, all.

Good night, aunt bee.
Good night.

Good night, aunt Nora.
Nighty-night.

Well, how are you boys doing?

You comfortable, Ollie?

Nora didn't bring
my goosedown pillow.

No, I didn't.

I thought you did.

After all, you're the one
that uses it.

Well, I forgot.
Well, you always forget.

I do not.
Yes, you do.

You forgot
your goosedown pillow.

You forget everything.

I do not.
Yes, you do.

You forgot my birthday,
you forgot our anniversary...

What's that got to do
with my goosedown pillow?

Well, it just shows how
you are... you always forget.

I do not always forget.

If I have told you once

I have told you
a thousand times...

Why don't we take this up
in the morning

when we've all got some rest?

Boys, what are you doing up?

We wanna listen.

There's nothing to listen to

so just go on back to bed.

Aw, gee.

Did you boys hear your mother?

If I have to get
out of this bed...

For your information,
I forgot our anniversary

because the foreman
sent me around

looking for a spindle wrench

just at quitting time.

We'll say no more about it.

Andy has to get his rest.

But you do forget.
Sleep well.

That's just like her.

She always starts a fight
at a time like this

just when I'm relaxed.

It's like she plans it.

Well, I wouldn't worry
about it, Ollie, if I was you.

Exceptin' now I'm not
gonna sleep a wink.

She's got me all on edge.

She always does that.

Well, why don't you
read a little bit?

I always find
that when I can't sleep

if I read a little piece
out of a magazine

I just doze right off.

Here's a...

Here's a nice piece,
Ollie, on skiing.

Now, you just read...

Morning, aunt bee.

Good morning, Andy.

Well, how'd you sleep?

Well, half the night,
he had his arm in my mouth.

The other half, he was dreaming
he was riding a bicycle.

All in all, I'd say

it's one of the
most active nights

I ever spent.

I'm sorry.

I guess we're all
a little keyed up

but it'll all work out.

They're just here for a weekend.

Yeah. I guess we can stand
our loved ones that long.

Where is everybody?

Oh, here in the kitchen, Ollie.

Good morning, bee.
Good morning, Nora.

Good morning, Andy.

Hi, aunt Nora.

Well, Ollie, I hear
you slept very well.

Not a wink, not a wink.

Strange bed, didn't have
my goosedown pillow.

Well, you'll sleep better
tonight.

This visit has been
so wonderful for all of us.

Andy and I were just saying

the same thing,
weren't we, Andy?

Yes, we were sayin'...
What a fine visit it's been

and what a shame
that it has to be so short.

Yes, it is.

Hey...hey...hey...

You know, Ollie...?

Nora, you thinkin'
what I'm thinkin'?

If you can spare the time.

Sure, I can.

Andy...you know
what I'm gonna do?

What?

I am gonna take
my sick leave now.

I'll call the plant.

Then we can stay
for a whole week.

We can stay, bee!

Oh...isn't that nice...Andy?

Swell.

Oh, hi, Ollie.
Come on in.

Yes, sir, pretty nice.

You have got it made.

Yes, sir, you have
beat the game.

Well, I can't complain.

Yep. You got it made.

Sitting around,
looking important...

Every once in a while,
a little thrill.

Please be careful, Ollie.

No strain.

You know, I always did
want to be a lawman.

Ollie, you better
give me the r*fle.

Well, ain't you
forgetting something, Andy?

I'm the feller that showed you

how to sh**t
your first . .

Well, I better put it back
in the rack.

Sheriff?

Oh, hi, Mr. Mundt.
Come on in.

I, uh, just come by
to pay a traffic ticket.

Barney give it to me
about three days ago.

Oh, yeah.

What's he in for?

I'll take care of it, Ollie.

There's coffee in the back.

Oh, had plenty.

What I owe ya?
He'll tell you when he's ready!

Ollie, please,
I'll take care of it.

Uh, let's see.

"Parking in front
of a fire hydrant."

That'll be $ . , Mr. Mundt.

Ah, I'm sorry about that,
Andy. I just...

Supposin' the fire department wanted
to use that fire hydrant then.

They couldn't.

Who is this man,
anyway, sheriff?

Well...

I am the sheriff's uncle,
that's who I am...

The man that taught him
everything he knows.

And for your attitude alone

you ought to be hit
for at least $ . .

Folks think they can get away

with anything around here.

Hey, Ollie,
I got a real good idea.

There's a brand-new trout pond
named Harry's pond.

It's about two miles east
on miles road.

Now, you know
where miles road is.

They'll rent you
a rod and everything.

Why don't you
take a drive up there?

Well, you sure you
won't need me here?

You're supposed to be
on vacation.

You're right. You can
handle this, can't you?

Oh, sure.

Firebug.

Here's your receipt, Mr. Mundt.

What's the matter with him?
Is he a nut?

Ollie!

Hey, Ollie!
Ollie, I meant your own car!

Well, hello, Andy.

Floyd, you got your car
with you today?

No. She's in Wally's shop today.

Oh, the poor dear's
in terrible shape.

Oh, that's a shame.

Her transmission,

her second gear had a whine
like a crying child...

A whining child.

Oh.

Wally opened up her gear box

and took one look, and...
Closed it right up.

Thanks. I'll try something else.

Would you care for a haircut?

No thanks, Floyd.

Yes, operator, that's right.

Lake Charles, - .

I'll hold.

Aunt Nora, aunt Nora,

I got to use the phone
right away.

Oh, shh, shh, shh.
Uh, racine?

Nora. Yes, dear,
we're here. Uh-huh.

Aunt Nora...

Yeah. Right here
in Mayberry.

Aunt... aunt Nora...

Can you hear me clearly, dear?

Aunt Nora, this is an emergency.

Yeah, well, guess who
just walked in, racine.

Himself, his gorgeous self...

Aunt Nora...

...Mr. Right. Mm-hmm, yeah.

Yes, he's here right now.

Uh-huh. Well,
just a minute.

I'll let you talk with him.

No...

It's racine Tyler,
my friend back home.

Talk with her.

Not now, aunt Nora.
I got too much to do.

It'll only take a minute.

Ollie took the squad car...

I want your voices to meet.

Oh, talk with her.

I've got to get on the phone...

Shh! Talk with her.

Hello? Look, miss, uh...

Racine.
...Racine.

Look, miss racine, i-I've got
to use the phone for a...

Thank you.

Thank you.
You have a nice voice, too.

Look, miss racine,

I'm right in the middle
of an emergency...

Yes, ma'am.
Yes, ma'am, I'm a sheriff.

Y-Yes. Pointed and silver.

Look, miss racine,

I've got to use the phone
for a business call.

Now, p-perhaps we could talk
some other time.

Yes, thank you.

I-I'd love to drive
your bakery truck sometime.

Yes, good...Goodbye.

Oh, my!

Sarah, get me Harry's pond,
right away.

Oh, I knew you two
would hit it off.

So much in common.

Harry? Sheriff Taylor.

Look, Harry,
my uncle's on his way out there

with the squad car.

When he gets there,
will you send him right back?

Hey, Harry, tell him
not to mess with the siren.

Right. Thanks, Harry.

You know, what delighted me was

that you had so
much to talk about

and right off the bat, too.

Now, that's the real test.

Look, aunt Nora,
you don't seem to understand.

At this time
I'm not interested...

Now, Andy

you've been a wandering
spider too long.

Now, it's time that you
became happily entangled

in the silken web of matrimony.

Oh, uh, you want
some of the paper?

I just want to see
the sports page.

I want to see how
the Mayberry bears

made out last night.

We have received a report
from mihauken, south Carolina.

Authorities
at the state prison there

report that three members of the
notorious felch brothers g*ng

have escaped.

Their escape
was ingeniously conceived.

They used a homemade g*n

later revealed to have been
carved out of soap.

They are armed now, however

having relieved two guards
of their weapons.

That concludes our news report
at this hour.

What do you do
in a case like that?

Nothin', usually.

When they break out of mihauken

they generally head
for the coast.

Good thing they're
not headed this way

huh, Andy?

We'd take care of 'em, huh?

Gee, paw, would you really
chase the crooks?

Sure. If they
headed this way

why, Andy and me would
take care of them

in two winks, huh?

Yep.

I'm going to make my rounds.

Excuse me, Ollie.

You won't be needing the patrol
car for anything, will you?

No. Go ahead.
Okay.

See you, paw.

Hello? Oh, yes, sir.
They did?

Caught both of 'em, huh?
Oh, good.

Thanks for letting me know.

I was standin' by

but I figured you'd call me
if they was headed this way.

Right. Thanks.

Hello?
Oh, hello, Andy.

Yes, Ollie's here.

I'll put him on.

Hey, Ollie?
I got great news.

You know those
two escaped convicts

we heard about on the radio?

I just got a call from
the sheriff over in mt. Pilot

and they've been seen
in this area.

You mean, real close by?

Yeah, just on the outskirts
of town.

Listen, I'm going after them,
but I'm gonna need some help.

I'll throw an extra r*fle
in the squad car

and come by for you.

I'll be there in a few minutes.

Now you young 'uns
get on in that car.

Oh...
Come on, let's go!

I thought we were going
to stay a while.

Are you sure you left on
the gas at home?

Positive. I turned it on
for the coffee

and forgot to turn it off.

Now, you know what's gonna
happen next.

That coffee will boil over
and put out the flame.

First thing you know, boom!

Now, come on, let's go.

At least we might
be able to save the furniture.

Well, I'm sure I turned it off.

Well, when in doubt,
let safety be the byword.

That radio shorts out,
the house will catch on fire.

You left the radio on, too?

Huh?

Yeah, radio.
Radio and gas, radio and gas.

Oh, men, men...

Bye-bye, bee.

Oh, now say goodbye
to Andy for us.

I will.

Now, careful, Ollie.

Ollie, Ollie, don't you
rush yourself.

Take your time.

Get on in that car!

I'll call you later.

I'll call you
the minute I get home.

Bye, aunt Nora.
Bye, Bruce.

I'll see you, Roger.
Bye. Bye.

Night, paw.
Night, aunt bee.

Good night, Opie.
Night, ope.

See you in the morning.
Don't let anything get ya.

Sweet dreams.

Oh, boy.

Kind of nice
being by ourselves, huh?

More restful.

You know, I love my sister,

but she's mighty bossy
in the kitchen.

Mm.

And the boys. You know, I'm
surprised at Ollie and Nora,

letting them
be as wild as they are.

Mm.

I don't believe
I could have stood it

if they had stayed another week.

You're kind of glad
it's over, too, huh?

Yes, I am.

Much more peaceful this way.
I have to admit it.

Hello?

Oh, Nora!

Yes, I can hear you!

How was the trip home?

Oh, good. Wonderful.

You know, we were just
saying the same thing?

How much we enjoyed
seeing all of you.

Oh, isn't it a shame that we
don't get together more often?

No, there's no reason
in the world.

Now, look, if you don't have any
plans for the holidays,

I insist that you come,

and this time definitely plan
on staying a week.

No worries. My pleasure.