03x17 - Volleybrawl

[bunniefuu]

Great play, Kerry!

Way to go!

Oh; So it's over!

No, honey, that
was the first point.

It just started.

So it's not over?

Sit down.

This is the city championships.

Kerry is very excited about it,

and we're here to support her.

Yeah, and I'm gonna
be here for every game.

That's how much he
cares about his cousin.

Ooh, she's bending over.

C.J.

The coach. I'm
talking about the coach.

I think he's winking at you.

No, the other coach, the girl.

Hey, ref!

That ball was out!

Get that 'geezer'
a pair of glasses!

Hey, that 'geezer's
my grandfather.

He has glasses.

He just forgets
where he puts them.

Rory; Sit down.

Grandpa can defend himself.

We're a much classier
family than that.

Oh, my God; The top
of her butt is showing.

Nice!

See ya.

Ooh, get it, get it!
Great dig, honey!

k*ll the owls! k*ll, k*ll, k*ll!

Some of these parents...

I tell you, we do
not need to take this.

-Let's go.
-Bridget.

Hey! Kick some owl ass!!

That's it, I'm gonna
tell her to shut up.

No, Rory, don't

They have rules about
parents behaving this way.

Just go get the
league commissioner.

He's on the other
side of the court.

Oh, do you need me to drive him?

All right, be aggressive
and let's run the middle.

Owls on three ...

, , .

-Owls!
-Owls! Owls!

Can I help you?

Should I not be standing here?

Heather!

Spike it down the
munchkin's throat!

Uh, excuse me,
that is my daughter.

And for your information,

she's only one or two
inches below average.

Uh-huh, congratulations.

Okay, sweetie,

Hit it to the redheaded midget!

She's the weak link!

You cannot talk to
my daughter that way.

Hey, you know what?

If I want any crap out of you,

I'll squeeze your head.

Let's go, go, go!

Go, team, go!

What do you think
about that, you wacko?

-Mom?
-Just a minute, honey.

Now, shut your yap or next time,

you'll be wearing
the nachos, too.

-Mom...
-What?

I found the league commissioner.

I'm gonna have
to ask you to leave.

See? There you go.

Now take your big
mouth and get out!

I'm talking to you.

You have to leave.

Well, what did I do wrong?

Throwing of food, the threats

you may not be aware,
but we have rules

against parents
behaving like this.

Thank God for that.

Wait a minute;
You cannot do that.

She's the one who started it.

I have a walkie-talkie,
and I'm not afraid to use it.

This is ridiculous!

Who's that nut job?

I have never seen
her before in my life.

Hello, coach;

C.J. Barnes here.

I met you the other day
at the volleyball game?

In the huddle?

Listen, wondering
if I could buy you

a sports drink sometime.

I imagine an active
person like yourself

needs to replenish
her bodily fluids

on a regular basis.

I know I do.

Okay, then, bye.

Hard to believe one man
could have so much game.

I am so excited
about the game today.

And I promise,

this time i'm gonna be
on my best behavior

even though it was that
wacko mother who started it.

Come on, C.J., let's get going.

Rory, get your grandpa.
Bridget; Come on!

You didn't tell your mom
she can't go to the game?

I just know she's
gonna be upset.

Well, if you don't have
the nerve to tell her, I will.

Tell me what?

How great that
outfit looks on you.

Look at that!

With the textures and
the thing and the wrap.

That's nice.

I'll be in the car.

Um,

Mom, C.J. wasn't telling
you the whole truth.

He doesn't like the textures?

I don't want you to
go to my game today.

What?

Well, you got a warning
from the commissioner.

Yeah.

If our fans cause one
more incident, we forfeit.

I mean, we could
lose the championship.

Oh, honey, that
was a one-time thing.

And that nut provoked me.

Mom, do you know
how embarrassed I was?

Somebody posted the
whole thing on the Internet.

I mean, you made Ron
artest look like Gandhi.

Kerry, you are overreacting.

Do you actually think
I'm gonna go off again?

Ha, I see you already told her.

You knew?

There was some
chatter on the Internet.

I'll be in the car.

Well, Kerry,

I have to go to the game.

We're in the playoffs.

Guys, come on, we
don't want to be late

for whatever it is,
the game you play.

She's going, but I can't?

Oh, no. You told her?

Since when did you
care about volleyball?

Volleyball, that's it.

Since I found out that Charlotte
might be there with Grant.

I thought you
broke up with Grant.

Well, Charlotte's my
friend, she can't date my ex.

How's Grant's heart
gonna explode from misery

if he's already
with someone else?

Well, see, there you go.

I have to go to the game

to see if Grant is
with Charlotte Haskell.

Okay, mom, I hate
to do this to you,

but you have to promise
me that you will not come.

I can't believe
what I'm hearing.

Ohh, I was hoping not to
be here when you told her.

Well, fine.

I won't go to the game.

You have to promise.

I have to promise?

For god's sake,
Kerry, I'm your mother.

Everything I've done
since the day you were born

is like a promise.

You can't say it, can you?

You know, the point is
she shouldn't have to say it.

Thank you, Bridget.

But you can't, can you?

I promise...

I won't go to the game.

But I want you to take this
video camera a-and tape it.

I-I don't want to miss a thing.

That's not gonna
be a problem, is it?

If it means that I have to
watch the game, then yeah.

Look, mom,

I know you're
disappointed and I'm sorry.

Wish me luck?

Good luck.

Hey, aunt Cate.

I feel sorry for
you, I really do.

Thanks, C.J.

You don't have to stay with me.

Oh, you thought...

No, I just needed to grab these.

Okay, then.

You better get those
eyes checked, old-timer.

You just worry about
the game, young lady.

If, in fact, that's
what you are.

You tell him, Heather!

I told him, ma!

God, I love that girl!

Hey, keep it down,

she's trying to coach here.

Show some respect.

Oh, she's got a pink
thong on today, hmm.

You're the scuzziest
person I know.

That's a little harsh.

Hello?

Oh, hey, mom.

Hi, Bridget, how's
it going down there?

Absolutely fantastic. I
have a perfect sh*t of Grant.

Now if Charlotte shows
up, she is so busted.

No, honey, I meant the game.

Are we winning?

Uh, either that or losing.

The score is
something to something

with a bunch of minutes left.

Bridget,

I don't want to
miss any of this.

-Oh, my God!
-What happened?

Charlotte's here.
She's talking to Grant.

He's smiling. I got to go.

Ahh, hot dog, mmm.

You can't possibly be
hungry after eating all my fries.

It wasn't me.

Try feeding your
dog once in a while.

Here we go, here we go!

Go, go, go!

Clean your glasses, grandpa!

Don't call me grandpa,

unless you want the special
b*ating I reserve for family.

You've been missing
calls all day, Magoo.

You know what? Don't
talk to him like that.

Why don't you stand
up and say that?

Hey!

You heard her ... hey!

Somebody hit me with a hot dog!

That guy!

It wasn't me!

You can't do this.
I'm an educator...

And a veteran!

I am gonna k*ll C.J.!
I'm gonna k*ll him!

What happened?

We had to forfeit the game
because he started a brawl.

Oh, my gosh! A brawl? Really?

He threw a hot dog at a player.

Everybody started fighting.

It was like a riot,
and it's all C.J.'s fault.

You can't prove I was
involved in any such thing.

Oh, my God!

Don't feel sorry for him.
He's a troublemaker.

He ruined everything.

It was awesome.

Troublemaker? I was the victim.

Are you kidding me?
I almost got k*lled.

Look at me.

The doctor says

I may lose use of my chin.

Mom, I thought you were
the maniac in this family,

but he's the crazy one.

Oh my! It just sounds awful.

It was a humdinger, Cate.

years in Korea, I never
saw that much action.

I was the perfect gentleman.
Gentleman? ...

I practically spoon-fed a blind man his lunch.

And then, out of
nowhere, this amazon

I think it was "Daryl Hannah"

She popped out and crawled up

and dug her dirty digits
into my neck and shook me

like a rag doll, for no reason!

You threw a hot dog at her.

I did not!

You did have a hot dog.

You missed calls,
and you see my hot dog?

And all of a sudden,
the hot dog was gone.

Don't you have pimples
to pop or something?

Oh, yeah.

Listen,

I don't know where
my hot dog went,

but I didn't throw it.

You know, maybe
the blind guy took it.

They think they're
entitled to everything.

Uh, Bridget, did
you see anything?

Oh; All I saw was my
ex-best friend, Charlotte,

draped over Grant

like she worked for some
sort of escort service.

You didn't see
that huge sasquatch

shaking the life out of me?

Whatever.

I'm going upstairs to make
Charlotte's life a living hell!

Call me for dinner.

You know, we
are in the playoffs.

Now we can lose the
championship because of you.

I hope you're happy.

Why would I throw a hot dog?

'Why would you throw a
hot dog?' You're insane!

I'm not insane.

I was trying to trick your
coach into falling in love with me.

Oh Gosh; A brawl.

Well, at least I wasn't there.

They can't pin this one on me.

Except you were there.

No, I wasn't.

I was here knitting
all night and I-

Catey, I saw you.

You missed calls,
but you saw me?

Dad, I couldn't stay home.

I couldn't not go to that game.

Did you throw the hot dog?

What kind of person
do you think I am?

I don't know. You're lying a lot

and running around
in a bad disguise.

No, I did not throw the hot dog.

But I saw who did,
and it wasn't C.J.

Well, who was it?

It was that crazy, wacko mother.

She was aiming for Kerry,

and she missed and hit
her own beast of a daughter.

Well, t-then, you can
get C.J. off the hook.

Well, I can't tell Kerry
I went to the game.

I promised I'd stay home.

You're just gonna
let C.J. take the fall?

Well, I don't want to,

but I've got to
keep lying to Kerry

or she'll never trust me again.

Cate,

Kerry's team had
to forfeit the game,

and C.J.'s gonna take the blame.

Oh, I wouldn't want to be
him at that school tomorrow

Oh, dad, they're
high school kids.

Trust me, by tomorrow,

they'll be all worked up
about something else.

Good mor...

...ning.

Well.

I did not throw that hot dog

and cost the owls the game.

Girls' volleyball is
very sacred to me.

I played it.

I'd like to think,
in this classroom,

my word is enough.

Who threw that?

I'm telling you, Cate, it was
like "Al Pacino" in "Scarface,"

only with hot dogs.

C.J., I feel
terrible about this.

Why? You didn't do anything.

That's right, I didn't.
Did someone say I did?

Cate, I didn't
throw the hot dog.

I believe you.

What do I get from it?

One person believes
me, she wasn't even there.

I know, it's been firmly
established, I wasn't there.

I'm a lot of things,
but I'm not a liar.

I cheat a little bit.

I don't have a lot of
patience for the disabled,

but I don't lie.

I know you don't.

You know, it's so frustrating,

'cause there's no way
to prove my innocence.

Wait a second.

You could say you were there.

Ooh, but that would be lying.

But that would be you lying,

and I think I'm okay with that.

Yeah, I'm okay with that.

Actually, I have an idea.

Practically everybody at that
game had a video camera.

How do you know?
You weren't there.

I meant, must have
had a video camera

uh, do you want to hear my idea?

Why don't we
round up the videos?

There's got to be
someone with a tape

that proves you didn't do it.

Yeah, yeah, and if there's
not, we can stage one.

That's not lying,
that's theater.

Oh, wait, I'm not
okay with theater.

Attention, students.

-Hello, students, it's Mr. Barnes.
-Booooo...

You stop that!

I will not be booed.

I'm an educator...

And a veteran!

You will not boo me.
-Boooooo...

Bite me!

Barnes out!

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's pretty brutal, isn't it?

Anything I can do?

I was just gonna ask if someone
had a videotape of the game,

you know, to prove
my innocence. But...

I don't think anyone's
about to help me.

Step aside.

Did you have a
hot dog for lunch?

Attention, students,
this is Bridget Hennessy,

student-body president.
-Whoooo!! -Okay

I want anybody with videotape
of yesterday's basketball game-

Volleyball.

Volleyball game
to please drop them

outside of principal
Gibb's office

as soon as possible.

Oh, and Charlotte Haskell,

you're antifungal
cream just came in.

That should get you those tapes.

Well, thanks, but I'm
pretty hated around here.

I doubt anybody will bring one.

Ceej', they heard it from me.

I've asked you all here today-

We live here.

Just focus, all right?

The league commissioner
doesn't have all day.

Actually, I do. It's not
a very demanding job.

After an exhaustive search,

I think I found a tape
that proves I'm innocent

and Kerry's team
does not have to forfeit.

All I see so far

is you with the offending
hot dog in your throwing hand.

Wait a minute.

What you see may surprise you.

Did you just steal
a chocolate raisin

from the blind guy?

Just keep watching.

See that? Look at that.

That blind guy's
dog ate my hot dog!

You didn't throw it!
-Ahh...ahhh

You didn't start the fight!

Ow, ow, ow!

Does that mean we're
still in the playoffs?

Well, this certainly
changes things.

That's right, I'm innocent,

and you guys don't
have to forfeit the game.

O.M.G.!

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And thank you, aunt Cate.

You're the only one
that believed in me.

Well, she has a sixth
sense about those things.

That's right.

Without your emotional support,

I never would have made it

through this
very difficult time.

You're all that's
good in people.

Oh, my God!

What?

Mom, that's you on the tape.

You were at the game.

And you hold a hot dog

Liar!

You promised me you
wouldn't go to the game.

You lied to me.

Oh, Kerry, wait.
Look, I'm sorry.

I-I just couldn't not
go to the game. Okay?

Mystery solved.

Miss Henessy.

You don't have the authority
to say, "Mystery solved"

Mystery not solved.

What do you mean?

He still has to find out
who threw the hot dog.

I'm sorry. Could I do my job?

I still have to find out
who threw the hot dog.

Well, it was that
crazy, wacko mother.

Wait a second.

You knew who
threw it the whole time

and you let me
twist in the wind?

Well, I couldn't say
anything because of Kerry.

You chose your own
daughter over your nephew?

You think you know someone...

C.J.

No!

Kerry, I'm sorry.

Your team still
forfeits the game.

What?!

It's obvious that your
mother threw the hot dog.

I am telling
you, I didn't do it.

Look, I've already
escorted you from one game

for throwing food
and making threats.

Now you want to
accuse someone else,

the nice lady who follows
the rules that we have?

I'm sorry, but I've
made my decision.

Thanks a lot, mom.

I am telling you, Kerry,

I did not do it!!

Hey, come on; Wait up!

Honey, listen,

I feel like a prairie dog

chasing a giraffe.

What?

We all know in this school

that is was my aunt
that threw the hot dog.

So I'm innocent.

Now, you still don't want a...

piece of this?

Listen, I'm gonna say
this as nice as I can.

My brother's a cop.

Oh, come on; Let's hook it up.

I'll do all the work.

Hey, C.J.

I'm not speaking to you.

That was an exception.

So was that.

So was that. So was that.

I get it.

Look, C.J., I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for everything.

You know, sorry doesn't cut it.

So was that.

Look, if you're here to
punish me some more,

just go ahead.

I deserve it.

Okay, well, let's see.

Your daughter
thinks you're a liar.

I think you're a backstabber.

The whole school hates you.

I think that's
punishment enough.

Thanks.

Apparently, that's
not my decision.

Still watching those tapes?

Well, I just want to prove

that I didn't throw
that hot dog.

Well, have you seen the
one that, uh, Bridget sh*t?

Oh, yeah;

minutes of Charlotte's tongue

in Grant's ear.

Okay, well, what if I just
say that I believe you?

-Do you?
-No.

But God, I want this to stop.

I want my slightly
less crazy mother back.

Kerry, I'm so sorry
I broke my promise.

I just could not stay
away from that game.

It's like a drug for me.

Well, can't you just say no?

Here's the thing ...

I can't shout for
your art projects

or your writing or your math.

And I just love to
yell, "Great dig, Kerry!!."

It sure beats, "nice
existential sonnet."

And, you know, volleyball just

gave me an outlet

to get it all out
and it felt great...

Up until the time I was ejected.

Okay, mom.

This is our last sh*t
at the championship.

Just stop all this craziness
and come to my game.

Oh, Kerry.

I'd love to.

They serve a great hot dog.

Ooh, go, go, go, go!

So, why aren't you sitting
next to your girlfriend?

No. We're in a bit of a
cooling-off period right now.

-Court order?
-Yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm
saving this seat.

For who?

-Grant. We are back together.
-Really?

Yeah; Charlotte gave him

some sort of fungal
infection in his ear,

so we're gonna
give it another sh*t.

-Oh, very romantic.
-Mm-hmm.

Come on, Kerry!

Show them what you're made of!

Yeah, straw and red yarn!

Ha!

Hey, loudmouth, we all know

you're the one that
threw the hot dog.

Yeah, that's right.

Next time, I won't miss.

Hey, hey, whoa. Nobody
threatens my family.

Uh, trust me, C.J.,
don't go down this road.

Hey, look, everybody,

I'm feeding the squirrels.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

OHhhh...

She did it! Her, her, her!