01x03 - Marriage of Figaro

[bunniefuu]

previously on "mad men"...

why are you here?

i'm getting married on sunday

I'm not gonna let a woman
talk to me like this.

any****

why aren't you married?

i'm never been in love

I'll come back in the office
monday morning


for***

I don't know why I'm here.

i wish***happy

To moses and don draper...

couple of princes.

hey!d*ck?

Richard whitman?

Holy smokes is that you?

As I live and breath.It's me,larry!

Prizinkey l,fort sill?

Oh,of course,larry.Look at you.

yeah and you,still haven't filled
out-- you must be a bachelor.

No.

Where you at?I'm out of waltham,mass.

I'm just spending a day on armock
with international business machines.

I'm upstate.

Hey,I just saw jerry chrition,remember?

Slept with a sidearm in his bunk
- almost blew his jaw off?

Yeah,I remember that.

Yeah well look I should,uh...call me.

We should catch up.

Absolutely.

Old d*ck whitman.

what are the chances?

oh,morning haus.

I mean its france,what do
they want with the b*mb?

Oh,we must've given it to them.

No way the francs came
up with it on their own.

It's the honeymoon kid!

Here comes romeo without his
robe like a dried herring.

Do I seem different?

you do look depleted homes.

The wedding was great,how
was the rest of it?

You know you're talking
about my wife here.

Oh,she's already got you there?

Gentlemen never discuss this.

We're talking about you here.

The man who told us the coat check
girl from had tangerine panties.

come on buddy boy,spill.

I don't know...

something happened in the ceremony.

It's when he said that thing
about being a new baptized.

I just...felt this calm come over me.

So what you're saying
is,uh,a lot of missionary?

fine.

So she's laying there right?

And she kept looking at the maps talking
about all the things we were going to do...

but we never did.

Ladies home journal
- I can get that at moms.

Welcome back mr.Campbell.

Well,hey there.

The ring,it's like catnip.

Did you know that , gallons of
water go over the falls per second?

Per second!

Oh look,he's back.

Good morning.

Congratulations.

Welcome back.

Thanks everybody.When did
this place get so friendly?

I guess people missed ya.

- Welcome back,mr.Campbell.
- Hildy.

Close the door!Close the door!

who put the chinaman in my office?

welcome back!

They paid an oriental family
to be in mr.Campbell's office.

Someone will finally
be working in there.

mr.Romano,mr.Kinsy and mr.Creen
are here for your meeting.

Do you need a minute?

Do you need a minute?You must.

You keep moving this
c-core laxative discussion.

do you see what we did
to campbell's office?

What do we have?

Let me remind you,safe and
reliable would make me doze off

if I wasn't so blighted by
the scourge of constipation.

Well what can I say?I'm blocked.

I told you he wouldn't
think that was funny.

I got one...

how about,"c-core...satisfeckulate.

I'd stay in the art department,sal.

I'm just saying we can be funny
like those volkswagen people.

Did you see this yet?

I have.

I don't know what i hate about
it the most,the ad or the car.

You know they did one last year,same
kind've smirk.Remember "think small?

It was a half page ad on a full page
buy,you could barely see the product.

I don't get it.

Elvis just got back from west
germany.Why not put him in it.

They must be getting results.

They keep going back to the well.

I want the chinaman out
of the building by lunch.

I'm still waiting on my shirts.

have you seen this?

- I'm back now.
- I see that.

So?

I should be on the list for the meeting.

I just...I didn't know
when you were coming back.

Right.

Yeah well,it's today.Here I am.

They're all in there
already.You can go in.

Peggy...

when I came over that
night,you know,before.

I was there.

You know,I'm married now.

- I know.
- So...

pete,I understand.

It never happened.

You want me to buzz you in?

The door looks a little bit open.

Sorry about that.

I took the chinese out of the building

but I have a feeling in an hour I'm
gonna want to take them out again.

burn bock,he's a jew.

If I were him i wouldn't want
to help reindustrialize germany.

Everybody's got a price.

Oh yeah,I saw
that.Honesty,it's a great angle.

No chrome,no horsepower,foreign,ugly.

I guess they went with their strengths.

- It is funny.
- It is?

Cause I think the jokes on us.

You're supposed to look at that and
say it's a great car not a great ad.

I laughed.I think its brilliant.

Brilliant,I'll tell you what brilliance in advertising is
- cents.

Somebody thought of that campbell.

Well say what you want.Love
it or hate it the fact remains,

we've been talking about this
for the last minutes...

and this is "playboy.

Course what we should've been
talking about is c-core laxative...

unless,as it appears,there
is nothing to say.

I don't want to hear this.

We're on the case.

Part of this job is doing
things you don't wanna do.

Most of it.

It's good to be
back,draper.I missed you.

Then it must not've
been much of a honeymoon.

I'm sorry,welcome back.

How's married life?

It's pretty swell.

I was raised that men
don't wear jewelry.

I kind've like it.

Trudy's a lot funnier then I thought.

I'm actually looking forward
to going home tonight.

Well I look forward to meeting her.

Hey,maybe one of these nights we could
get dinner together with the wives.

Maybe we can.

You know girls we'd be
happy to bring you coffee.

I was on my way over anyways.I
have something of yours.

Lady chaterley's lover"
- I finished it last night.

Good to the last drop,right?

I can see why it got banned.

well you don't have to be so
shy about it,it's literature.

That is a huge pocketbook,joan.

Well it has a change of
clothing and a toothbrush in it.

Ah,a hope chest.

Have you read this,peggy?

I don't think that's a
good idea.There's,um...

this word in it a lot.

I know the word,joan.

Well it's sad really because even
with its reputation,men won't read it.

And they really should.

I don't care if
it's -years-old,

it's another testimony to how most
people think marriage is a joke.

- They rip a lot of clothing.
- Yeah it's a fantasy.

He's married and she's married,the
desperate passion of the forbidden.

Can I borrow it?

She's making it sound better then it is.

There's a few good parts that's all.

and the book just opens
to those pages by itself.

Hey don't read it on the train.

It'll attract the wrong element.

- Bye.
- Bye.

So the doctor says to
him,"I hope you're happy.

While you were out finishing a round of
golf,"your wife was in a horrible accident.

She is gonna need round the clock care
- "bathing,toilet.

Then the doc looks at him and
says,"I'm just kidding,"she's dead.

Hey what'd ya sh**t?

well we have and initial research report

and what I think are some very
astute market observations.

Mr.Draper.

Pleased to see you didn't disappear
the minute you cashed my check.

We appreciate your business.

Kenny or course you know.

Harry crane,media and
mr.George pallham over here

who is from research and who has more
degrees then a russian protractor.

That's quite an introduction.

From the other side of the pond I see.

We take his word for it.

So,uh,that is yours to keep but
if you'd like to follow along.

You'll see from the overview
our primary focus was saks,

henri bendel and bonwit taylor.

Our research uncovered a variety of options
they utilize to attract your desired customers.

One thing these stores have in common
is a comfortable shopping environment.

Spacious open salesfloors,an
almost conspicuous lack of clutter.

The merchandise is minimal and neatly
presented on tables and in display cases.

This less is more philosophy is
also efferent in the window displays.

For example,only one sweater to a window

as opposed to windows
stuffed with merchandise.

My father's going to love that.

Believe it or not it even
applies to the mannequins.

Bendles takes the heads off theirs so
the shopper can imagine them to be anyone.

Anyone without a head.

Along with these cosmetic changes,you'll also
need to provide what we call "boutique extras.

A personal shopping service,private
fashion shows,designer collections.

This is comprehensive.

It's the lay of the land.

Just from holding it I feel more
informed about my competitors then ever.

And yet my store already has a personal
shopping service and designer collections,

which makes me wonder if you
were so focused on my competitors

that you failed to visit my store.

I've been away on my honeymoon.

I've been there a few times.

It's a beautiful old place.

Miss menken i can assure you that no one
at this table has ever been to your store.

A wrong I will personally
correct this afternoon.

It's right on th ave.

That's one big block over
and a dozen little blocks up.

It's been there for years.

- I'll walk you out.
- I've got it.

- Harry.
- What?

It's nice the way you handled that.

It's hard to get caught in a lie.

Well it wasn't a lie.

It was ineptitude with
insufficient cover.

something about the way you talk
always restores my confidence.

I have a deep voice.

This afternoon then.

It's a date.

new junior exec.

changing her store could take six months,or
a year if I know what's good for me.

- What was that in there?
- What?

Don and molly goldberg,did you see that?

- Yeah I caught it,what's your point?
- I don't know.

I mean everybody always jokes about it

but I've never seen draper
really turn that switch on before.

Well I guess he likes
her.What would you do?

Trying to quit.

You arreally putting the
junior in junior executive.

Look,you're married now,right?

I'm a part of that club now too.

Two very happy years,but
when I'm out in the world...

I don't know.I don't do it much.

I'm not good at it-- the
flirting,the double intandras.

You mean something on the side?

No I mean enjoying the company of women
in the limited way a married man can.

Well that's all we have really.

- I can't speak for everyone but it's plenty for me.
- I see.

I guess on some level I always
thought draper was the same way.

Draper?Who knows
anything about that guy?

No one's ever lifted that rock.

He could be batman for all we know.

mr.Campbell,your wife's on the phone.

There's bird shit on the
couch!That was priceless.

Hello,honey.

Dinner?Wow,what do i want for dinner?

I don't know.

Anything but chicken.

Yes,they missed me.

Uh,ribeye in the pan with butter.

Ice cream.

I love you too.

There's going to be dinner
waiting for me when I get home.

Yeah,how about that?

mr.Curland is mitigating a
skirmish in our housewares section.

Why do I hire young girls?

Because they cost practically nothing.

Costume change.

This is my closet.

The original tenants laid the last
brick the day before the crash.

Boy,were they in for a surprise.

As I hope you note by now,our
original store was just off th avenue.

It was just hosiery,then they started
pulling piecework from sweatshops.

By ,those people had failed-- my father
and uncle picked this place up for a sheckle.

Well,it is...

crowded,but that might have
something to do with the sale,

which means that if we're successful
you're gonna lose the customers you have

in order to get the customers you want.

I was gonna start with raising prices.

Can you imagine what my father said?

Well,you do have to give them something
for their higher dollar counts.

It's just...

awfully hard to define what that is.

How may I help you?

I make them say that.

carol,can we see this tray right here?

Sea horses,crowns,lucky dice...

medieval knights.

That's better.

Thank you.

Let's take a look at the second floor.

We're known for our service.

- That's gotta be a tough job.
- I know.

I've always liked how
quiet it is up here.

Well,that might explain
the lack of customers.

I can see the charm,but...

the room is too dark,too old
fashioned.The products look old.

But the people look wonderful.

y'know,it's a shame we're gonna
have to lop their heads off.

It'll ruin your favorite
part of the store.

It's not my favorite part,actually.

the grand lot of us
are going to lansky'S.

Can you believe it?

Have a swell time.I've got plans.

You look nice.

hell--manhattan at your
feet.I can see the appeal.

The view's okay.

no,this is my favorite
part of the store.

Hey there,missy.

Haven't seen you in a while.

How did they get the penthouse?

They patrol.

It's the only way to make sure there
isn't anyone hiding in the store at night.

They know I'm with you,right?

These two are carla and leona.

Not the originals-- it's
the third generation.

And what every generation of menken dog
shall be named until the end of time.

I made my father's legal counsel add that
to the store's bylaws when I was nine.

So even then you enjoyed
telling men what to do.

To be fair,the store
was practically home.

My father liked to work.

I used to come out here and talk to
them-- well,the originals-- every night.

For a little girl,adog
can be all you need.

They protect you,they listen.

I had my sister,but there
weren't other kids and

of course,my mother wasn't around.

Well,that's not always a bad thing.

Who knows?

She died when she was having me.

Anyway,my sister became my
only company,and,frankly,

these b*tches were easier to handle.

What is this?

Don't try to convince me
that you were ever unloved.

I don't know what to say.

Listen...

I'm married.

I guess I didn't ask
'cause I didn't wanna know.

Shouldn't have happened.

Well,you couldn't help yourself.

I knew what I wanted.

From the first time you
stormed out of our office.

You stormed out of your office.

I took you up here--
that was stupid.

I just so looked forward
to seeing you again.

Now I guess that's over.

I know you understand I'd rather
not have to explain this to anyone.

The account stays,I
just...want someone else on it.

Don't look at me like that.

What do you do,just kiss women all
the time?Women you aren't married to?

Of course not.

Well,then am I supposed to live
some life running alongside yours?

I have some checks to sign.

excuse me.

You dropped your paper.

Thank you.

daddy!Daddy,daddy!

Wake up,it's my birthday.

it's my birthday,it's my birthday!

It's not your birthday,it's your party.

Don,the party's at two o'clock.

You have to put together
the p-l-a-y-h-o-u-s-E.

How am I going to put together a pony?

a pony?I'm getting a pony?

Bobby,I'm getting a pony!

Great.

She'll forget all about it
when she sees the playhouse.

There's a bacon and egg
sandwich for you on the range.

it's got a red door like ours!

Daddy!

You are not supposed to see this yet.

Why don't you run to the
garage and get me another beer.

Okay.

cappers?

You want to pick those out of the rug?

Well they look naked.

Well,the only thing this
one wants is raw hamburger.

What does that mean?

I think that's enough of that.

Well,how many are we?

Us,you...carlton's with
the kids,make it quick.

The darlings,helen bishop.

You didn't?

I had to.She saw me buying
balloons at the market.

It didn't seem right.

So what,I just brought her the
pie,I got my dish back--the end.

Have you seen her walking,up
there on tree ridge?

Where the hell is she walking to?

I don't know.

- How old is her kid?
- Kids.

The boy is nine,I'm going
to say gary maybe glen...

And the baby is
a two-year-old.

She was going to try and get a sitter.

I would.

It's probably a big event for her.

That man...

I know.

You didn't use the powder room did you?

It will appear untouched.

Everyone's gonna to be here soon.Why
don't you up and take a shower.

Want company?

mint julips.It's that time of the year.

Wonderful.

I'm so thirsty lately.

ready or not,here I come!

There's datenut bread,cold turkey,and
waldorf salad for the adults.

I'll just made peanut butter
sandwiches for the kids.

I know everybody eats that.

Thank you.

In case anybody's going to
ask,I did not get that clown.

he got booked in some off broadway show.

About clowns?

I think we saw that.

It's not the one where they
take their clothes off is it?

Who knew that could be boring?

want something a little
stronger there carlton?

He'll manage.

We were thinking about you,don.

We say this thing on T.V.It was right
in the middle of the news,it was cute.

The guy flying with his
hat on.Did you do that one?

It was so cute.

I think the man looks
exactly like henry.

Except not as handsome.

I haven't seen that.

I'm going to go and lay the kids food out,but
let's not even bother trying to get them to sit.

I'll co-pilot.

Heard a good one the other day.

No,jeff.

I'm gonna tell the joke.

Your wife and your lawyer are drowning,

you have a choice to make,do
you go to lunch or a movie?

it's good,right?

Hey,I'm missin' the ballgame,might
as well have some fun.

So how are things on mad ave,don?

Looks like they're taking care of you.

We got it all,huh?

Yep,this is it.

Maybe it's his obsession with
sports,but it's been hard for jack.

Marilyn,I've been watching kevin
and he gets around very well.

I bet he doesn't know the difference.

He does.He's very determined.

Jack really gets angry anytime
someone mentions the vaccine

and I tell him we should be grateful.

First of all,it could
have been much worse.

It could have gotten to his lungs.

Second of all,this can't
happen to other children.

They think they're athletes.

I want to say to chet,I saw you
play football in high school,

your son is going to be a
tackling dummy just like you.

according to glen here,when the door is a
little bit open you're supposed to come in.

Hello,helen.

kelly where are you?

I hate to start with a bunch of
excuses,but the baby sitter was late

and I still haven't unpacked all the boxes
so this was the only paper I could find.

It should be christmas all
year as far as I'm concerned.

Don,you have to pick up
the cake from hightop.

Oh,and this is helen bishop and glen.

Nice to meet you all.

Don,he goes with me,then
carlton,chet,and jack.

Glen,I'm pretty sure there's
some peanut butter sandwiches

and a bb g*n out there in the
backyard.Why don't you come with me?

Don,can i speak with you?

Let's see,I told you about the cake
and,oh,can you take some movies this time?

Of everyone,or just chief tiny tim?

You bought that camera
and you always forget.

Okay.

ladies.Ladies.

This is helen bishop.

This is maryland and nancy.

She seems scared,poor thing.

trust me,those hens are
gonna peck her to death.

Did you see her running around
in that little volkswagen?

It's kinda desperate.Yeah
that won't help her.

It's got no backseat-- she'll have
to find some midget hitchhiker.

last time I saw one of those,I think
I was throwing a grenade into it.

the problem with easter
break is it's too long.

The doldrums.

We're thinking about seven
days six nights in boca raton...

with mosquitoes as
big as a silver dollar.

And believe me,those aren't the only giant
noses you're going to have to deal with.

Francine!

Carlton and I when there on our honeymoon
and all I can say is we were outnumbered.

It's uncomfortable.You
want to be able to relax.

We went to bermuda on our honeymoon.

Pink sand beaches.

where did you go?

Oh,I'm sorry.

It's okay.I went to paris.

Four years of mount holyoke
french,haven't used it since.

and I wouldn't give it back,even
being with glen's father.

Is that your ex-husband?

Yes.

I went to italy.

Not on my honeymoon,right
after I graduated from brimmare.

What a summer.

Three coins in the fountain.

It was right about that time.

You must have loved
paris.It's all walking.

What do you mean?

Just that I've seen you
walking around the neighborhood.

I've seen you too,when I
was driving.I think I waved.

Where are you going when you do that?

No place.I just like to walk.

but where?

Anywhere.

It just relaxes
me-- clears my mind.

I heard on the radio
that einstein did it.

Einstein?

He's got his hands in everything.

hey,daddy!

What are you,frank sinatra?

I was looking for glen.

Bunch of 'em just ran through.

There are the boys.

How we doing?

it's,uh,it's helen,right?

I know your situation and my
heart breaks for that little boy.

I have a baby,too.

You can act strong,but
I just want to volunteer.

If you ever need someone to throw
the ball around with him some sunday,

take him to the beach...

that would be nice.

I'm sure eventually I would get so used to
your sunday visits I'd join you at the beach.

Just the four of us.

Then one night,you'd drop us off at the
house and walk me in with an umbrella.

The kids would go to sleep and we'd
laugh about all the funny things

that happened at the beach that day.

I don't want you telling francine that
I suggested something that I didn'T.

Well,I'm sorry if I misunderstood.

you dented the car!

I like sleeping on the couch.

I don't like your tongue.

take your shoes off.

I want the wagon!

okay,I give it to you and then I get it.

you're gonna hurt the baby.

Take the baby out.

Interesting crowd in there.

Same crowd out here.

How about the einstein thing?

I wonder if ol' albert swung his
hips like that when he walked.

She probably got her
hair tips from him,too.

Glen is so quiet.

Not to mention wrinkled.

Maybe she hasn't
unpacked her iron,either.

Christmas paper?Please.

She works.

It has to be hard to run a house,too.

Manning a counter a jewelry store?

It's not that demanding.

I don't know.

I had a job in sales before I was a mom.

Have you seen my mom?

No,honey.Maybe she's in the dining room.

- Betty?
- What?

Don,will you please go to
hightop and get the cake?

Don't run in the house.

What is going on in here?

Your kid knocked over a drink.

You need to tell him
this is not a jungle gym.

Ernie,did you hear
what mr.Farrelly said?

Did you say you were sorry?

Do you want some more.

No,come on.He heard me.

Go get your mother and
have her clean this up.

Okay,thank you.

The woman at the bakery said he
picked up the cake almost an hour ago.

Do you think he had an accident?

Let's go.

We haven't done birthday cake.

There's not gonna be a cake.

am I the only one that knows that?

Don draper,you are a first
class heel,and I salute you.

Let's go.Swell party.

Food was delicious.

I might have a cake.

A sara lee in my freezer.

Well,could you go get it?

Please,that would be so great.

daddy!

mommy,mommy,look!

Daddy got me a doggie!

I don't even know what to say.

I want to name her...polly!

Polly doggie.

Happy birthday,baby.