♪ Here's the story ♪
♪ Of a lovely lady ♪
♪ Who was bringing up ♪
♪ Three very lovely girls ♪
♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪
♪ Like their mother ♪
♪ The youngest one in curls ♪
♪ It's the story of
a man named Brady
♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
♪ They were four
men living all together ♪
♪ Yet they were all alone ♪
♪ Till the one day when ♪
♪ The lady met this fellow ♪
♪ And they knew that it was ♪
♪ Much more than a hunch ♪
♪ That this group must ♪
♪ Somehow form a family ♪
♪ That's the way they all ♪
♪ Became the Brady Bunch ♪
♪ The Brady Bunch ♪
♪ The Brady Bunch ♪
♪ That's the way they became ♪
♪ The Brady Bunch. ♪
Hey!
Tinker... to Evers...
to Chance... Who?
Who?!
Tinker to Evers to Chance.
That's the greatest double
play combination in baseball.
Cool. When was that?
Oh, about...
Oh, yeah? I don't even
tell my mother how old I am.
Keep moving.
( humming happily)
( groans)
Willie Mays gets $125,000
a year and he's underpaid.
Water, milk or plasma?
Water.
( sputters)
You okay, honey?
Yeah, just pooped, that's all.
Oh. The sandwiches ready, Alice?
Yeah. All set.
Hey, you going someplace?
Marcia's nature study badge.
Oh, that sounds like fun.
Fun?!
We've got exactly four hours
to find and identify
11 kinds of trees,
ten types of plants,
six wildflowers and
three noxious weeds.
Well, it still sounds like fun.
Fun?! This is hard work.
Oh-ho!
Carol, hard work is
an hour in the hot sun
with three growing boys.
( wry chuckle)
Playing baseball with the boys
is fun compared to this.
Eh, you women
just don't understand.
Alice, what are we
going to do about him?
"We"?!
Last time I got between
a man and his wife
was the last time I got
between a man and his wife.
MARCIA: Mom, we're ready!
Coming, girls!
Bye-bye, dear.
Bye. See you later.
( clears throat)
You know something, Alice?
I could jog around the
block four or five times
then take a nice cold shower,
if it weren't for one thing.
What's that, Mr. Brady?
I can't get out of the chair.
Whoa-ho!
Ooh-hoo... Ooh, uh, oh, ooh...
( water running)
Then, naturally, Cindy
had to fall into a stream
and Jan had to go in after her,
and I wound up getting
completely soaked.
Well, it just goes to show...
( mumbling): that the modern woman
is totally incapable of dealing with...
if she'd follow the example
of her grandmother...
( mumbling) ...she'd
be far better off.
Well, I certainly
can't argue with that.
( sighs)
Honey, if I hadn't
spent the whole morning
playing ball with the boys,
you'd get all my sympathy.
Do you realize that
in the past month,
I've had to help Marcia
get her water fun badge,
her foot traveler's
badge, her gypsy badge,
and, this morning, her
Daniel Boone badge.
And at the same time,
keep two other girls occupied.
Well, at least it's a variety.
Do you know in how
many different directions
three spirited girls can
move at the same time?
Three. Three hundred!
And next Saturday, while
you're playing in the backyard...
Oh, Marcia's cooking badge.
Honey, they're
girls... The gentler sex.
Now, three boys are...
much easier to handle.
They are like heck.
What's more exhausting
than playing ball
with three young boys?
Chasing after three young girls.
You two are beginning
to repeat yourselves.
Well, Alice, he
won't listen to logic.
And she won't
listen to hard facts.
If you're both so
sure you're right,
next Saturday, why don't
you simply switch jobs?
I wonder why Dad
wants to see us.
I didn't do it.
Didn't do what?
Whatever it is Dad
wants to see us about.
How's it going, boys?
We won't do it again, honest.
Relax, guys, nobody's
done anything.
However, there is one thing
I would like for you to do.
Anything, Dad.
Next Saturday
morning, instead of me,
Mother is gonna help
you with baseball practice.
Dad, she's a girl, a female.
You noticed that, too.
We've got to get
ready for Little League.
You were going to
help us practice bunting.
It's just for a few
hours... One Saturday.
This calls for a vote, right?
Wrong. Wrong.
Boys, I'm simply trying
to show your mother
that helping girls is a cinch
compared to helping boys.
BOYS: Oh!
Well, that's different.
Right, fellas?
BOTH: Right.
Good.
Carry on, men.
Okay, Dad.
Mom will find out
how tough it is.
Girls?
Have I got a surprise for you.
Oh, what is it?
Well, actually, it's
really for Marcia.
And I know she's gonna
be so happy about it.
What?
Well, next Saturday,
Daddy's gonna help you
with your cooking badge.
( sighs)
Marcia doesn't look very happy.
Mom, Alice won't even
let Dad in the kitchen.
But that's the point.
Sometimes a man has to be taught
just how difficult it
is to be a woman.
How tough it is to be a woman?
It's easy for me.
I think I know what
you mean, Mom.
Aw, then you'll do it?
If it's what you want.
Oh, thanks, dear.
Well, I think I'll
get ready for bed.
Feel all right?
Yeah, just a little
touch of a headache.
Well, then, sleep's the thing.
Besides, I have a little
work to do before I turn in.
Well... good night, dear.
Good night, honey.
Rudiments of Baseball.
Tips from Ruth to Mays.
Baseball: The Art of
Offense and Defense.
Hmm...
How to Cook In 30 Easy Lessons.
Thirty?!
Cooking Can Be Fun.
You, Too, Can Be a Chef.
"Men on first and
third, with one out
the batter must..."
"Pour a cup of vinegar into..."
"the catcher's mitt.
This is the best way to
hide the signals from..."
"the salt and pepper.
Always make sure to
properly season every..."
"umpire.
He must not allow the pitcher
to touch his fingers to his..."
"pot.
Always remember that too
many onions or too much garlic..."
"will keep the shortstop
away from the third baseman."
One cup of sugar.
One-half cup of white vinegar.
One tablespoon of
chopped green pepper.
Bat held high behind right ear.
Weight on right foot.
Hips horizontal
to flight of ball.
Ah! Good morning, boys!
BOYS: Good morning, Mom.
Well, mind if I
use one of these?
Sure. It's a baseball glove.
Yeah, I know.
Well, your dad told me
you were going to work
on bunting practice today.
Okay if I, uh, play first base?
Oh, Mom... that's third base.
Right.
All right, men.
Now I'm going to give you the
art of defense against the bunt.
Now... the first baseman
breaks for the plate,
the second baseman covers first.
The third baseman
breaks for the plate
and the shortstop
covers second. Got it?
Okay, Bobby-boy,
let's bunt that ball.
Atta way, boy, atta way!
Come on, sweetheart.
Atta way to go. Atta way!
That, boys, is called an error.
Yeah, that's what
it's called, all right.
Now, boys, pay close attention.
I'm going to show
you the proper stance
in executing a bunt.
Ready?
Okay, now, the right
foot is in the back
left foot is in the front.
Bat is held high
behind right ear.
Hips are pushed forward.
Put your weight
on your right foot,
flex your left knee.
Place your left...
elbow toward left field
and your right elbow in.
Now, put your head
back, hold your stomach in
and point your toes... out.
Okay. Let's see you hit it.
Sure.
Ready?
Yeah.
Now, boys, very often a
bunt is used in a squeeze play
so that a man can
steal home base.
Could you show us how, Mom?
Oh, sure, nothing to it.
Now, the correct procedure
is to slide into home base
to avoid being tagged.
Okay, just watch this now.
Clear out of there, Peter.
Okay, you ready?
See? There's... nothing to it.
ALICE: Apple turnovers
for anybody who wants them!
GREG: Oh, boy!
Alice?
Is Mr. Brady around?
No.
Good.
Marcia gave him a list
to take to the market...
Things she needs
for her cooking badge.
Oh, what I need is a hot bath.
Then I'll draw one for you.
Alice, I feel so stupid.
Mr. Brady's going to have
a cinch compared to this.
Well, Mrs. Brady, why
don't you just wait and see?
Want me to put that stuff away?
Yeah, while I
get the rest of it.
You mean there's more?
Well, I wanted to make
sure I got everything,
and Marcia didn't
specify which kind.
Idaho potatoes.
New potatoes.
Red potatoes.
Sweet potatoes.
So much for my seven-day diet.
String beans.
Lima beans.
Navy beans.
They must have been
out of kidney beans.
I'm going to be
terribly disappointed
if these don't turn out to be...
kidney beans.
That does it.
That supermarket must
look like a disaster area now.
Well, Marcia has to cook a meal
for our whole family, you know?
Family? There's enough
here to feed Cleveland, Ohio.
( chuckling)
( groans)
That tub is good
and hot, Mrs. Brady.
Oh, thanks, Alice.
Now, you can use
any one or all of these.
I got deep heat, wet heat,
muscle relaxer, ointment...
Alice? Alice, I'm stuck.
I told you, keep
moving, keep moving.
How can I?
Every single, solitary
muscle in my body is aching.
You'll be fine in no time.
Oh, Alice, how long is no time?
Including outpatient treatment?
About four months.
Oh, if Mr. Brady ever
finds out about this,
I'll never hear the end.
Believe me, he will never know.
But I can't sit down, I
can't stand up, I can't...
( sniffing)
Oh!
That's why he'll never know.
You put this stuff on,
he won't get within
two miles of you.
Oh, thanks a lot, Alice.
MIKE: Carol!
What's the matter, honey?
You okay?
Oh, I, uh, I was just getting
ready, uh, to take a bath.
Uh-huh.
How'd it go this morning?
Did you, uh, see the boys?
No. The boys were
gone before I got back.
Great! I mean,
it went just great.
Taught them everything
they ought to know.
Yeah, well, I just
want to remind you
to stay out of the
kitchen, honey,
'cause that's my job.
Okay, I'll stay
out of the kitchen.
She'll force herself.
I'll see you later.
( sighs)
Alice, help.
Come on. Come
on... That's a girl.
Marcia, I got
everything you wanted.
You know, sometimes I
wasn't sure, so I got quite a bit.
We saw you carry it in.
You're strong, Dad.
Now, uh, Jan's going to
have to do this next year,
so how about letting her watch?
Okay.
Hey, thanks.
I kind of think it would be a
nice gesture if we let Cindy.
Oh, do we have to
have the baby here?
I'm not a baby.
Come on in, Cindy.
Did somebody call me?
You were snooping.
I was not too snooping.
I was listening.
I, I promise I won't
get in the way.
Okay.
Okay.
Come on.
Cindy, on the step stool.
Jan, you're where
you can see everything.
Oh, Alice, uh, you can have
the rest of the afternoon off.
Well, I'd like to watch, okay?
MARCIA: If you
promise not to help.
Cross my heart.
Okay.
Okay, Marcia, now,
what's on the menu?
I thought we'd start
with chilled tomato juice.
Mmm, that's a good choice, yeah.
Yuck.
Got a better idea?
Ice cream.
I told you she was a baby.
I'm not a baby.
Cindy, now you
promised to be quiet, right?
After the tomato
juice... With lemon,
egg salad,
French-fried potatoes,
breaded veal
cutlets, string beans...
Did you get the string beans?
Oh, we've got string beans,
lima beans, Navy beans...
Go on, Marcia.
And kidney beans.
And for dessert, cake
with chocolate frosting.
Hey, yeah!
Okay, madam,
the kitchen is yours.
Hey...
There, now.
Hold it.
What's wrong?
Marcia, look.
No organization.
See, now, that's the
trouble with women.
You should only go
to the refrigerator once
and take out everything
you need, see?
Wait a minute, I'll show you.
String beans, lettuce,
mayonnaise for the salad
and... eggs.
Dad! ( squealing)
That was funny, Daddy.
Well... If an
accident does occur...
you clean it up immediately.
I'll do it.
It's my accident.
I'll clean it up.
Mr. Brady... No, I'll do it.
But Mr. Brady... Mom
uses a mop for that.
So does Alice.
I'll use a towel.
Marcia, you know, the
proper way to do that
is with an electric mixer.
I've never used a mixer.
Oh, it's simple.
Wait a minute.
This thing was invented
for the sole reason of making
life easier for women, see?
Now... we just put
the bowl under here...
turn it on.
Oh.
First, you have to
make sure it's plugged in.
( screaming)
Now, all I have to do is
make this breading
for the cutlets.
You know, you need
a bigger bowl for that.
There's one over
here in the cupboard.
Careful, Mr. Brady.
I stacked a lot of
things up there.
MARCIA: Be careful, Daddy.
The floor may still be
slippery from the eggs.
No, I cleaned it up.
( clattering)
Oh, Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
I did all this?
In under two hours.
That's a new Olympic record.
Well, might as well clean it up.
I'll help you.
No, I did it, I'll clean it.
And with a proper sense
of male organization,
it shouldn't take me
more than... two days.
No, no, 15 minutes.
Oh, 15 minutes to
clean up this mess?
And that includes
mopping the floor.
Go.
( whistling)
( whistling continues)
( humming "Anchors Aweigh")
I work better a cappella.
Mr. Brady?
Alice, I'm doing this.
Yeah, but Mr. Brady, I just...
Alice, what were
you trying to say?
When that floor
gets wet, it's slippery.
Thanks, Alice.
CAROL: How you doing?
Well, okay, I guess.
How about you?
Oh, pretty good, I... I guess.
Spending the
afternoon with three girls
isn't as easy as I
thought it was going to be.
Well, playing ball
with three boys
isn't exactly a breeze, either.
See?
Honey... Hmm?
Could you, uh, zip me up?
Yeah, I'll try.
Thanks.
Well, like the saying goes:
"The grass is always greener
in someone else's backyard."
Well, I guess we
both learned a lesson.
Right.
( weak laugh)
Oh, honey, it's not
that I don't love you,
but oh, my arms are stiff.
MARCIA: Mom!
Dad! Dinner's ready.
We'll be right there.
Hey, I'm hungry.
Where's Mom and Dad?
They're on their way down.
Good, I'm hungry, too.
Listen, you guys
won't be so hungry
when you taste the dinner.
Marcia made it, you know.
( all giggling)
Wait till you taste it, smarty.
It's delicious.
Well, how do you know?
I helped her.
JAN: Oh, here come Mom and Dad.
Hi, kids.
We'll be right there.
Mommy looks funny.
So does Dad.
Here, I'll get it, Mom.
Oh, thanks.
Thanks, honey.
Thanks very much.
Hey, the table looks
marvelous, Marcia.
Now then, there's the dish
that ought to get two awards.
GREG: Hey, that
doesn't look bad.
PETER: It even
looks pretty good.
Thanks, Alice.
Don't mention it.
( groaning)
Dad, can I have the rolls?
May I have the milk, Mommy?
Oh, sure.
Greg?
( thump)
Sorry.
This is great, Marcia.
Thank you.
This is good. Yep. Real neat.
( all talking, laughing)
CAROL: No, I'm Buck
Rogers from the moon.
You kids are excused,
if you want to leave.
Oh, heard that one.
Marcia, it was delicious.
GREG: It was a
great meal, Marcia.
Thank you.
MARCIA: Run!
Here, dear, I'll help.
Wait for me!
Oh... honey, I am sore all over.
I can't move a muscle.
You want to know something?
Neither can I.
It's worse now than
it was before dinner.
It's because your
muscles have stiffened up.
So have mine.
Alice!
Help.
Don't say another word.
Oh, thanks, Alice.
No, I can make it.
You sure now?
We'll be fine.
Come on, Gramps.
Good night, Mr. and Mrs. Brady.
Good night, Alice.
Good night, Alice.
Night, Mr. and Mrs. Brady.
Good night, Alice.
Good night, Alice.
Night, Mr. and Mrs. Brady.
BOTH: Good night, Alice.
Good night, Mr. and Mrs. Brady.
Alice, what's good about it?
Never mind, Alice.
Certainly was a delicious
dinner Marcia cooked last night.
Well, next Saturday, she has
to work on her sewing badge.
Yeah, next Saturday, I promised
the boys we'd play football.
Well, I guess I'll have to
make patterns, cut material,
sew and hem, stitch and line.
Yeah, just sitting
around with Marcia,
sewing for a couple of hours.
You make it sound like a breeze.
Well, it's certainly not as tough
as playing football with three boys.
Ha-ha-ha!
May I make a suggestion?
Forget it! Forget it!