03x15 - Mr. Monk and the Election

[bunniefuu]

(Woman) Hello, I'm calling on behalf of Natalie teeger, who's running for the school board in your district.

Are you registered to vote?

Oh, my goodness.

I just love that sign in the window.

Who made the sign, do you know?

Her daughter.

Oh, it's so colorful.

Where should I put these?

I don't know. Oh, well...

But I just got so angry.

My daughter Julie goes to Ashton, and I love it.

It is such a wonderful school.

But they want to close it

(man) Piece of crap copier.

Could you excuse me for one second?

I'll be right back.

Just one second.

All right, tell me something good.

You know, this company tazarr went out of business, which is a good thing.

Where did you get it?

Uh, at a police auction.

They just delivered it this morning.

I got the fax machine and the computer there too.

They don't work either.

Well, you get what you pay for.

Here's your problem.

Primary feeder is jammed.

There's something in there. I can't get to it.

See? It's locked.

Did they give you a key for this?

Oh, yeah, I think so. Let me check.

Ooh, vote teeger!

[Scoffs]

(Woman) Hello.

I'm with the Fairfield eagle.

We're doing a story on the election.

Why did you decide to volunteer?

I'm not a volunteer.

I'm her boss.

That's an interesting angle.

Not every boss would allow his employee time off to run for office.

Well, I didn't have a choice.

She just said she was doing it.

Got it!

Now, what do you think is the most important issue in this campaign?

For me, there's really only one issue here.

If Natalie wins, who will take care of me?

No, I'm asking you.

Who?

Do you know? No.

No, sorry.

Not even close.

Ugh! Can't you just break it open?

I only need it for five days. The election's on Tuesday.

[g*nsh*t]

[g*nsh*t and shouting]

[g*nsh*t]

[g*nshots]

(Monk) Natalie, get down!

[g*nshots]

[Randy Newman ragtime theme]

♪ It's a jungle out there

♪ disorder and confusion confusion everywhere ♪

♪ No one seems to care

♪ well, I do

♪ hey, who's in charge here?

♪ It's a jungle out there

♪ poison in the very air we breathe ♪

♪ You know what's in the water that you drink ♪

♪ Well, I do, it's a-ma-zing ♪

♪ People think I'm crazy 'cause I worry all the time ♪

♪ If you paid attention, you'd be worried too ♪

♪ You'd better pay attention or this world we love so much ♪

♪ Might just k*ll you

♪ I could be wrong now

♪ but I don't think so

♪ 'cause it's a jungle out there ♪

♪ It's a jungle out there ♪

[crowd noise, indistinct police radio]

[Siren]

[Horn honks]

Hey, monk.

I got you.

I got you.

All right.

How's Natalie doing?

She's scared to death.

So the security guard...

Yeah, wrong place, wrong time.

Hmm, where was the sh**t?

Right over here.

You can kind of see an impression in the tar paper, but...

[Sighs]

How are the footprints?

Unusable.

The witnesses are all over the map too.

Some say they heard five sh*ts, some say nine.

14. There were 14 sh*ts.

You sure?

Of course you're sure.

How did they come? Were they evenly spaced?

Bang.

Bang bang.

Bang.

Bang bang bang bang.

Rapid fire, semi-a*t*matic.

We haven't found any shells. Bang bang bang.

Guy did a pretty good cleanup job. Bang.

Well, maybe he's done this before.

Monk, what do you got?

Well, the... The roof slants at a weird angle right here.

Do you have a b*llet?

He missed one.

It's a 7.62.

Ak?

Yeah, kalashnikov.

Russian, that's something.

Call grooms at the bureau, and A*F.

Maybe they have an idea.

Captain, we found something.

You might want to check it out.

What you got?

Looks like a note.

Son of a bitch. He was after Natalie.

That doesn't make sense. Just a school board election.

I mean, who cares?

He spelled her name wrong.

He was probably in a rush.

I don't think so.

Looks like he took his time.

He dotted all the is, crossed the ts.

He spells her name wrong.

Whatever. Motive.

Motive, motive.

Let's start with the obvious.

Who's running against her?

I've got it right here.

Harold Jay krenshaw.

You gotta be kidding. Harold Jay krenshaw?

He's running for school board?

You know him?

He's a patient of Dr. Kroger's.

I've met him in the waiting room.

This guy has got some serious problems.

He drives everybody he meets crazy.

I mean, he's...

He's just...

(Stottlemeyer) Nobody is accusing anybody of anything here.

This is just a friendly conversation.

In fact...

I bought some donuts.

Mr. Krenshaw, do you know why you're here?

Well, it's pretty obvious.

I'm running for school board against Natalie teeger, and somebody took a shot at her.

A security guard was k*lled.

I heard about that.

I'm sorry.

Do you own a g*n, Mr. Krenshaw?

Yes, I do.

My father was a...

A hunter.

He bought me a Remington r*fle when I was a kid.

That's right.

Are you a good shot?

I'm an exceptional shot.

Ms. Teeger has decided to drop out of the...

Out of the race.

Well, it doesn't matter.

She couldn't win anyway.

Why?

That school needs to be closed.

Everybody knows it.

I'd be happy to take a polygraph test if you want.

Wait... what are you doing?

I'm eating a donut.

It's food.

Why that one?

Because I like the coconut.

Now you have to eat a sugar one.

Don't want a sugar one.

Or you could take three more coconuts or one coconut and two glazed.

Or he could just eat all of them... that would be easier.

That's a good idea. Probably be easiest.

Or I could do this.

There.

Now there's one donut.

One big damn donut.

[Thud]

You see what you did?

Can we get back to this?

Mr. Krenshaw, where were you at 10:30 this morning?

I was at Dr. Kroger's office.

I had my... my appointment.

Your appointment ends at 10:00.

It was a double session.

Dr. Kroger doesn't do double sessions anymore.

I'm just telling you.

He made an exception for me.

If you don't believe me, call him.

Do you want his beeper number?

I have his beeper number, okay?

Well, if that doesn't work, then try his cell phone.

He gave you his cell phone number?

Mm-hmm.

That's a lie. He's lying, captain.

Dr. Kroger...

Would never give anybody his cell phone number, ever.

Not ever.

Monk, I really don't care.

I've been to his home. Have you no shame?

Excuse me.

A man died today.

I met his daughter.

Liar!

Liar!

Are you seeing this?

[Door slams]

Kindergarten playground in there.

Captain... Captain...

That's not me, is it?

Am i...

Just tell me. Am I that guy?

Am i... am I that far gone?

Relax, monk.

You are completely different.

You put the chocolate donuts in the middle, which makes perfect sense.

Because that way, the different groups are together.

Exactly. That's all I'm saying.

And he put the chocolate donuts on either end, which just isn't as good, because that way, they're separated.

Hello? No comparison.

I told you, he will drive you crazy.

So is he the guy?

No. I wish he was, but he's not the guy.

He never would have misspelled Natalie's name on the note.

How do you know?

Because... because I wouldn't.

Well, let's do the polygraph test anyway, to be sure.

Right.

Well, what is he doing now?

What's this?

Oh, my god.

Not vertically. Not vertically.

Be right back.

You hungry?

Yeah.

Let's get something to eat.

What about them?

They'll be fine.

Yep.

Ow!

I'm... I'm glad you're quitting.

Really, it's just a stupid election.

I mean, it's not worth getting k*lled over.

Right?

Besides...

You can run again in another four years.

Right?

Mom?

What are you guys doing?

Uh... well, we're packin' everything up.

Put it back.

Come on. Let's get to work.

We have an election to win.

I'm Natalie. Please vote for me.

Hi, I'm Natalie teeger. I'm running for school board.

Hi, my name's Natalie teeger.

Hi. Teeger, what are you doing?

I'm running for office. Hi, I'm Natalie teeger.

Thank you.

I thought that you had dropped out of the race.

Changed my mind. Why?

I have my reasons.

Hi.

Uh, are you registered to vote?

Who are you gonna vote for?

It's time to wear a pin.

Mr. Ellis.

You're scaring him.

Okay. He's scaring me.

(Man) Vote teeger. Hi, vote for Natalie teeger.

Vote teeger.

Hi, vote for Natalie teeger.

Where did you find them?

They heard about the sh**ting and wanted to help.

I can't protect you out here.

There are too many rooftops. Too many windows.

That's a risk I'm willing to take, thank you.

You have to think about Julie.

I am thinking about Julie, Mr. Monk.

More than you know.

She won't listen to me.

Did you talk to Harold krenshaw?

We don't think Mr. Krenshaw is involved.

His alibi's airtight, and he just passed a polygraph.

We're working with A*F

I need for you to cancel all public appearances.

I can't do that.

(Man) Vote for Natalie teeger.

Okay.

We need to sweep the campaign office for expl*sives every morning.

Yes, sir.

I want a lockdown... Two uniforms, around the clock.

Even when she's not there.

And I'm assigning you a bodyguard.

Lieutenant... Thank you for volunteering.

He's my bodyguard?

24/7.

I'm still not dropping out.

That's not my job.

It is now.

[Children playing]

(Monk) Is Julie here today?

(Natalie) No, she's staying with my parents until you guys figure out what the hell is going on.

Okay, Natalie, if this school closes, who would benefit?

Would they sell the building?

No, the city would keep it and use it for special education classes.

That doesn't make any sense.

I mean, there is no motive.

I know.

There are 14 other members on the board.

Most of them agree with me.

What, is this maniac gonna k*ll off the whole school board?

Oh!

Yo!

Ms. Teeger!

Please don't do that.

What? Walk away without telling me.

I went five feet.

Still, it's protocol.

(Student) Ow!

I don't think this was about the school at all.

I can't stop thinking about that note.

And how he misspelled your name.

What do you think it means?

I don't know.

But it's important.

(Natalie) Huh. Brings back memories, huh?

Yeah.

But what are you gonna do?

I used to love tetherball.

It wasn't really my game.

Keep away.

I played a lot of keep away.

Keep away?

I was usually the jumper.

That was my position.

It was good exercise too.

You know, the ball was moving around, cardiovascular.

Jump.

Oh, now, now. Jump!

Ohh, this kid's timing is way off.

It's all about timing.

[Boy crying]

Yeah.

Now he's crying?

I usually started crying a lot earlier.

Well, everybody's got a different style.

You played this a lot?

All through high school.

Some college.

Got pretty good at it.

The secret to keep away is you have to have a lot of other hats at home...

And not get too attached to any of them.

It was a good match.

Oh, honey, I can't, not tonight.

I have a big debate tomorrow. I have to go home and practice.

I know. I miss you too.

I love you, angel.

You be good for grandma and grandpa, okay?

All right, bye.

Mr. Monk, please.

A little help.

Hi.

Hello.

Can I help?

Of course you can.

The more the merrier.

Here you go.

You take a flyer, you fold it up, in the envelope, and seal it.

Here you go.

There's five.

Ah.

Hey, Karen!

Hey, Donna. Hey, Lee John.

Who's hungry? I have homemade lasagna!

A little fuel to keep us going!

Mr. Monk, are you hungry?

An army marches on its stomach.

N-no, thank you.

Herr general, eat!

Keep your strength up!

You've got a big debate tomorrow.

Excuse me.

Think I better try this.

A little too much oregano, but it's not poison.

That's what every cook likes to hear.

Ahem, listen, Natalie, I could take you to the junkyard for you.

I got a buddy with a truck.

Thank you, Jack.

But I got the repair guy coming back tomorrow to check it out.

Besides, makes a hell of a buffet, right?

(Man) Ms. Teeger, you have a phone call.

[Telephone ringing]

Don't put me on hold!

Natalie, you still have the poster that Julie made?

The one that was above the door?

Yeah, I think it's behind those boxes.

It was missing an "r".

I found it over there.

Oh, must have fallen off when she was putting it up.

The sn*per...

Didn't know her name.

That's why he misspelled it.

So all he knew was...

What he saw on this poster.

What does it mean?

Well, it means...

The note he left was just a diversion.

This wasn't about you at all.

All right, this'll be the podium.

Uh, lieutenant, do you have the questions?

Yeah.

All righty.

You will come right over here.

He had to be sh**ting at somebody.

So why was he trying to scare you?

You said it was a diversion.

But a diversion from what?

It doesn't make any sense.

I can't worry about that. I have a debate tomorrow.

I have to practice.

Sorry. Sorry.

Okay.

Hello, welcome to... The debate.

I'll be your moderator. Who has the first question?

Lieutenant.

Miss teeger...

Why should the entire community pay to keep Ashton junior high open?

Ms. Teeger, you have 30 seconds.

That's a very good question.

It's true that closing Ashton junior high

[counting] Would save the taxpayers money.

But it would cost $1.20... What are you doing?

I don't have a stopwatch.

20, 19...

Mr. Monk, I can't concentrate.

17, 16.

14, 13... which would more than offset...

Please stop.

Just stop counting!

Thank you.

Could you repeat the question?

Ms. Teeger... [Bell dings]

Time's up.

Come on.

Oh!

Ms. Teeger, are you all right?

I'm fine.

(Monk) It's grenade.

Get rid of it.

[Water dripping]

You all right?

Yeah.

Disher told me that you put the grenade in the refrigerator.

Yeah.

And then he said you went back and opened it again.

You just had to straighten something out, didn't you?

I'm gonna ask the mayor to give you a medal for what you did.

And then I'm gonna ask the mayor to take that medal back.

Because you just had to open that door, didn't you?

So it's a wash?

Yeah, it's a wash.

Captain, that grenade...

Had Russian markings.

I know. We found a piece of it.

It was made in chechnya.

This guy must be very well-connected.

Whoever he is, you must be making him nervous.

How's Natalie?

She's fine.

But you gotta talk to her, monk.

She still won't quit.

Even after this.

[Knock on door]

(Monk) Natalie, it's me.

[Sniffles]

Come in.

I'm not quitting.

Natalie, look.

We... we don't know who this guy is.

We don't know what's going on.

Figure it out, mister brilliant detective.

Figure it out, because I'm not quitting.

I can't quit.

Of course you can.

I see.

You can't quit.

Because Mitch was a hero.

You don't understand.

I can't quit because Mitch wasn't a hero.

[Sniffs]

Close the door.

What I'm about to tell you dies with you.

Do you understand?

Okay.

My husband and two crew members were shot down over Kosovo in 1998.

They crash-landed behind enemy lines.

Mitch didn't make it out.

But they rescued the other crewmembers.

And when they got back, they said...

They said he panicked.

They said that after the crash, he ran off with the radio and all their supplies.

They said he was a coward.

My god.

And the Navy can't prove their version of the story.

But it's in the record.

It's in a file somewhere.

Natalie... I don't know what the real story is.

All I know...

Is someday Julie's gonna start asking questions about her father.

He's not here.

But I'm here.

I'm all she has.

I can't be a coward too.

Hello.

Welcome to the fifth district school board debate.

We're all aware of the controversy and tragedy surrounding this election.

But tonight, we're gonna try to rise above all that and focus on the issues.

I'm going to ask our two candidates to make a brief opening statement.

Natalie, why don't you go first.

[Scattered applause]

Uh, good evening.

I'm Natalie teeger.

And I'm running for school board for one reason:

To save my daughter's school.

As a mother, I know you can't put a price on a good education.

If we don't invest...

Hi, monk. Jack.

What are you doing?

Oh, well, I, uh, I have a question.

Cool! Give 'em hell, man.

Yeah. Hey, check this out.

I designed a new flyer for the campaign.

We could hang them up tomorrow near the polls.

Okay, thanks.

To make this school and the entire system work even better.

Thank you.

[Scattered applause]

Next, we'll hear from her opponent, Mr. Harold krenshaw.

Hello. I'm Harold krenshaw.

[Silence]

You all know me.

You know where I stand.

Reduce the budget, lower taxes.

If that means consolidating a few of our schools, then that's what we have to do.

Yeah.

Okay, who has the first question?

Please state your name.

My name is Adrian monk.

Uh, my question is for Mr. Krenshaw.

Mr. Krenshaw, during this campaign you've made a number of statements.

I wonder if you might be able to substantiate one of those statements for us right now.

You said that you have been to Dr. Kroger's house.

Oh, god.

That's right.

In fact, I believe you said that you had Christmas dinner with him last year.

Yeah.

But Dr. Kroger is Jewish.

He doesn't celebrate Christmas.

Does he, Mr. Krenshaw?

His first wife Alisha was Jewish.

But Madeline, his fiancee, is Irish catholic.

They celebrate both.

His fiancee?

Yeah.

I introduced them.

That is a lie.

Dr. Kroger never said anything to me about a fiancee.

Let me repeat that for you.

Dr. Kroger never said anything to me about a fiancee.

Go to hell, monk!

Y-you can go to hell.

You go to hell. You!

You!

(Emcee) Okay, thank you.

Natalie, you have 30 seconds for rebuttal.

Monk, what's going on?

Did you see that? See what?

That guy... Whitman.

He got to the door, then he stopped.

He's done time.

In prison, you never open your own door.

They open them for you, and after a while, it becomes a habit.

He must have just been released.

Okay, so he's done time.

Look, he just handed me this.

Look how it's folded.

Four corners to the center, then in half, and half again.

In my whole life, I've only ever seen one piece of paper folded like this.

sn*per's note.

He's the guy.

Well, why? What's he after?

I don't know.

But he's the guy.

Oh, yeah.

Don't you ever get tired of being right?

I do feel tired.

More fatigued, really.

I don't know if it's from being right...

It was a rhetorical question, monk.

Could be on to something here.

Jack Whitman.

He's been sent up twice.

First time, for mail fraud and receiving stolen property.

Lately, he's been importing rugs.

Rugs?

Yeah, rugs from places like chechnya, Uzbekistan.

Sound familiar?

The shell casing and the grenade.

The feds think that he's a major arms dealer.

They raided his office six months ago.

They came up empty-handed.

No g*ns, no nothing, no paper trail.

All they could get him on was tax evasion.

He did five months.

He just got out last Wednesday.

And two days later he's on a roof taking sh*ts at Natalie.

Then he joins her campaign.

And then he tries to take you out?

What's he after?

I'm not gonna wait to find out.

Let's go get him.

Oh, I can't go.

You're on your own.

Natalie's waiting for me downstairs.

I have to go vote.

Well, that's good.

You're doing your civic duty.

There's that.

Also, if I don't vote, Natalie will... You know.

Oh.

You guys voting today?

Nah.

There's a polling place right around the corner, so you don't have any excuse.

Sure we do. We don't care.

Wow. That was weird.

I've never voted for myself before.

That was... That was really weird.

But not bad weird. Good weird.

Actually, that was kind of great weird.

All right, let's go.

Uh, I haven't voted yet.

What have you been doing?

I'm still signing in.

I'm almost done.

Booth number two.

What?

It's small, huh?

I know it is.

I really appreciate this, Mr. Monk.

I can't do it.

Mr. Monk, come on.

You know what this election means to me.

Now, you can do this.

Here we go.

Here we go. Democracy in action.

Okay.

I got it.

[Monk groaning]

[Cell phone rings]

[Ring]

Hello?

No, sorry, he can't. He's voting.

[Grunting]

All right, bye.

[Grunting and groaning]

Ah, I can't... I can't breathe in here.

There's no air in here.

No, there's air. You can breathe.

Just...

Lots of air.

Ohh. How'd it go?

I'm not... not quite finished.

Just... just gonna take a little bit of a break.

[Grunts]

So many choices, huh?

Column two, teeger.

Third name down. Teeger.

Okay, all right. I'm going, i'm...

No wonder turnout is so low.

[Groans]

Natalie, where did you get that box?

I don't know. The campaign office?

That was Jack Whitman's box, remember?

He brought it with food in it from home.

Oh, my god, I know what Jack Whitman was after.

Have you heard if he's in custody yet?

The captain just called. They said they can't find him.

Well, I know where he's going.

We gotta call the captain back.

Tell him to meet us at the campaign headquarters.

What's going on?

Tazarr copier. Sound familiar?

The copy machine at your campaign office used to belong to Jack Whitman.

That's what this whole thing has been about.

The copy machine?!

Sir! Sir! We need my car!

I'm in a hurry. It's right there!

Here you go, here you go.

$10.

I don't have any cash. I was gonna stop at the atm.

Do you have any money?

Do you ever have any money?!

Listen, this is very important.

It's a police emergency. I need my car.

Here, take my purse as collateral.

I can't do that.

Oh, come on!

Hey!

You can't do that! It's an emergency!

Yo, Shawn!

Come on, give me the keys!

You gotta be kidding me.

[Laughing]

Hey... whoa!

Give me...

Whoo!

(Natalie) Oh, that's mature.

That's real cute.

Keep away.

[Laughing]

Natalie... Natalie, stop.

Y-you're just embarrassing yourself.

No offense, okay? But I'm comin' in.

Come on, get out of there.

Bring it.

Mr. Monk... come on, let's just walk!

No, there's not enough time!

Because Whitman's already on his way to your campaign office.

Because the cops that were stationed there have all been sent home.

That's why Whitman was waiting around!

Here's what happened.

Six months ago, Whitman was in his office, minding his own business, which, in his case, was buying and selling illegal weapons.

(Monk) The A*F raided the office.

Whitman managed to burn all the incriminating papers he had.

Except for one.

(Natalie) The one in the copy machine!

(Monk) Exactly!

There was something jammed inside that machine.

A document, a receipt.

Whatever it was, it must be pretty important.

After he was arrested, the feds confiscated all of his equipment.

[Breathless] Including the copy machine.

Last week, when he got out of jail, he learned that the copier had been sold at the police auction.

What the hell is he talking about?

Who cares?

(Monk) The auction was open to the public.

So it wasn't hard for Whitman to track you down.

He knew the document inside that copier could sent him to jail for life!

Somehow, Whitman had to stop the repairman from opening it up.

He grabbed one of his g*ns, ran up to the roof across the street, and tried to take out the copier.

He figured if he shot it to hell, you'd throw it away.

But you never did.

So he volunteered.

He was waiting for a chance to break into it.

But the cops were there around the clock.

sh**t, I almost had it.

When I got suspicious, he tried to k*ll me with that grenade.

[Grunts]

Okay, I give up.

Ho!

Damn, you are good!

Let's go.

[Car starts]

I'll be back with your money!

[Clang]

Whitman, touch that g*n, you're dead!

Hands on your head! Hands on your head!

Captain...

Captain, what is it?

Looks like a client list.

It's a half a dozen names.

Delivery dates.

Stinger missiles.

Rocket-propelled grenades.

This is big.

I got a friend at the bureau who's been looking for this.

Let's go.

When did you put this together?

In the voting booth.

Thank you again for doing that, Mr. Monk.

Every vote counts.

You did vote for me, didn't you?

I think so. I know.

It's all kind of a blur really.

Ugh, what if I lose by one vote?

(Monk) You didn't quit.

But for the record, it wasn't me.

I mean, you didn't lose by just one vote.

Yeah, I know.

You lost by a lot more than one vote.

It was close to a landslide.

Yes, I know. Thank you, Mr. Monk.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I feel pretty great.

We're fighters, right?

We'll be back, right?

Right.

Oh, my goodness. Oh, hey...

Everyone, it's Harold's victory speech.

[Cheers and applause on TV]

Boo!

(Krenshaw on TV) There's so many people that I want to thank.

My secret w*apon, my beautiful wife Clarissa.

I love you, honey. Thank you.

But most of all, I want to thank my good friend and my therapist, Dr. Charles kroger.

Chuck, come on.

No, come on, Chuck. Chuck?

Thank you.

You okay?

I'd like to go home now.

All right, let me just get my purse.

Come on, Mr. Monk. This way.

It's okay, it's okay. I got you.

Did you hear that?

He called him "Chuck."