01x06 - Mr. Monk Goes to the Asylum

[bunniefuu]

[Faint whistling]

[Whistling continues]

[Faint police siren]

[Phone rings]

Mom, check it out. It glows in the dark.

[Phone rings]

(Sharona) Stop playing with the lights.

Hello?

Will you stop playing with the lights?

(Monk) Hi, it's me.

Where do I keep the large casserole dish?

I can't find it anywhere.

Right of the sink, upper-middle cabinet.

Right of the sink, upper-middle.

No.

No, the popcorn maker's in there.

Look, you can write secret messages.

You're going to spill all of that.

Take it outside.

What is?

(Monk) Popcorn maker.

You don't have a popcorn maker.

I think I do. I'm looking right at it.

(Sharona) Adrian, you're in the wrong house.

Are you sure?

Yes, I am sure. I am looking at my caller I.D.

Adrian, get out of the house.

[Door closes]

(Man) Would you put that phone down, sir?

[Baby moans]

[Baby cries]

How you doing? You're clear; Go ahead.

Don't worry. It's gonna be all right.

[Upbeat ragtime music]

♪

You're going to be fine.

They just want to spend 48 hours with you to observe and evaluate.

Check out that "b." It's broken.

Looks like an "r."

That's all. Adrian...

Adrian.

You're going to have to take this thing seriously.

Judge hackman says you're lucky those people didn't press charges, or sh**t you.

Now, the director's name is moris Lancaster.

He's one of the top psychiatrists in the country.

Moris Lancaster? Yeah, he's good.

I saw him on CNN.

Who's the referring doctor?

Me, I'm Dr. Kroger.

You need to sign here.

And here.

Adrian, he's very good. He's a very good doctor.

Mr. Monk, how are you?

I don't know, you tell me.

My name is Oliver.

I'm going to take you to see Dr. Lancaster.

He's anxious to meet you.

Oliver.

Listen, there's some things you should know.

I've been taking care of this man for four years.

Um, these are his moist towelettes for germs.

He takes three showers every day with a star-shaped nozzle.

This is the nozzle.

And he needs a five-watt night light for sleeping.

Anything more, he won't sleep.

And dark-colored pillow cases. Sharona?

Nothing light, okay? Sharona?

What? You're scaring the man.

No, I'm not. Well, you're scaring me.

Ma'am, your friend's in good hands.

I'm going to look after him personally.

You can trust me.

Mm-hmm.

See, I'm going to be okay.

You're worrying more than I am.

Look, I can't protect you here, Adrian.

What could happen? It's a hospital.

This is all gonna be over before you even know it.

I'm going, okay?

Neurotriptyline, Mr. Monk.

It's a very mild sedative.

It's a little bit like warm milk.

You do drink milk, don't you?

Never.

Oh, well, you just have to take my word for it.

I'd rather not take any medication while I'm here.

Why do you say that?

Because, uh, I don't need it.

I shouldn't even be here.

I know you probably have heard that before.

Why don't you grab a seat, and we'll talk about it?

This is a test, isn't it?

What do you mean?

You want to see which chair I pick.

No, Adrian, it's not a test.

Just grab a seat.

Oh, left chair.

Very interesting. Hmm.

I'm just kidding, relax. It's just a joke.

[Snorts]

That's a marlin, isn't it?

Mm-hmm.

That's right, it's one of two things I managed to catch in Mexico in '97.

What was the other?

Dysentery.

What about last week, did you catch anything?

Pardon me?

You just got back from another fishing trip.

You were in south America, unless I'm wrong, which, you know, I'm not.

I was in Argentina, but how did you know all that?

You have needle marks on your arm, it was obviously an inoculation.

And your inbox is pretty full.

And, south America?

The customs seal on the cigar box is dated last week.

Now how did you know it was specifically a fishing trip?

You have a blister on the index finger of your right hand, just above the knuckle.

On most fishing rods, the line chaffs the index finger, just above the knuckle.

Well, that's very impressive.

We both have similar jobs.

We both analyze clues, and solve problems.

Only you look outward, and I look inward.

So now, it's my turn.

So sit.

[Clears throat]

What were you doing in Trudy's old house yesterday?

Your late wife lived there for...

Yeah, I don't... i don't know why I go there.

Well I'm going to hazard a guess.

I think you went there yesterday to cook Trudy dinner.

To cook...

Well, that's absurd.

Your file says that you're allergic to tomatoes.

So the chicken cacciatore was for her, wasn't it?

And I'll bet you it was her favorite meal.

That's right. That's right.

So what was so significant about yesterday?

No... nothing.

August 12, unless I'm wrong, which, you know, I'm not, the date has some significance.

Our anniversary.

Not our wedding anniversary. It was the day we met.

It was the day we met.

You know, it's not unhealthy or wrong.

To observe an anniversary.

But we're going to find a way for you to do it privately.

Would that be okay?

Yes, please.

I think that your analytical powers... they're dazzling.

But I think you use them as a prop.

A prop?

As a way to avoid dealing with your real problems.

So while you're here, do me a favor.

Don't be a detective.

Let me be the detective.

Okay?

[Sighs]

Yes, sir.

Here's the bathroom.

You mean it's a communal bathroom?

Every... everyone uses it?

You got a problem with that?

No, no.

This is you.

(Monk) Oh. Oh.

Here's your schedule.

The events underlined are not optional; they're mandatory.

I means you have to go.

I know what mandatory means.

Lights out at 9:00.

Any questions?

Can I make a phone call?

You're allowed one outgoing phone call every day.

Your time slot's 11:25 am.

If you're late, you're going to have to wait till tomorrow.

Do you want the door open or shut?

Shut.

Um...

Uh, open.

No, wait.

Shut.

No, oh... oh... oh...

Definitely open.

Just open. Definitely open.

Open.

[Door opens]

Oh, hey, how you doing? I'm John.

Adrian monk.

Guess we're roommates then.

What are you in for?

Uh, just...

Just observation, really.

Likewise... observation and evaluation.

The old "o and e."

72 hours?

48. Yeah, me too.

Just got here myself yesterday morning.

So what do you do for a living, Mr. Monk?

I'm a... I'm a detective.

You're kidding, right?

What?

That's what I do. I'm a detective.

Really? Seven years. Sonoma county.

Lieutenant, second-grade homicide.

Really?

This is unbelievable.

That's a lot of laundry for a guy who just got here yesterday.

Thanks, thanks a lot.

Come on, let me give you a grand tour.

The cafeteria closes at 7:00.

It's buffet-style.

This is the music room.

And if you go through these doors, down the hall, that'll take you to the infirmary.

This is the monkey room.

Funny story about how it got its name.

What is it?

We don't know; We just know there's a funny story.

[Faint drilling]

What's all this?

They're tearing down the old walls.

They're bringing it up to code.

It's a pretty big project.

I used to be in construction, myself.

Before you became a cop. Exactly. Yeah.

Who's this?

This is Doris medford.

She was the first director here.

These are all of the other directors.

Dead, dead, dead.

Not dead, yet.

Hello, wurster. Torch.

She burned her boyfriend's house down.

[Drilling continues]

This is the quiet room.

Don't get sent here.

Oh, boy.

What's this?

This is the medical supply room.

Gives me the creeps.

Why?

There was a m*rder here.

Oh, really, a m*rder?

An unsolved m*rder.

Conrad gould, the assistant director, well, he was k*lled right here four years ago.

(Monk) Uh-huh.

(John) He was a great guy.

He gave me magazines.

Playboys.

Right. Hey, hey.

Maybe we can solve it together, huh?

Yeah, sure. Great.

What... what happened, exactly?

(John) Well, Dr. Gould was taking inventory, like he did every night.

A patient named bill lafrankie was waiting for him.

Hey.

[g*nshots]

Capped him in the chest.

Then he fled s.O.C.

S.o.c.?

Yeah, "scene of the crime." It's cop-talk.

[Police sirens]

They found him in the woods the next morning.

He was dead.

He shot himself up with demerol.

Uh, i'm a little confused.

Why would you call it an unsolved m*rder?

Well, I wasn't 100% satisfied with the official version.

You weren't? No, sir.

They never found the g*n, first of all.

Plus, bill lafrankie was my roommate.

He was a devout Buddhist. He wouldn't hurt a spider.

Speaking of spiders, there was a guy here named Jim robertello about two... two years ago.

No... no, about three years ago.

No, no, no. Two years...

Two... two or three.

About two and a half years ago, maybe.

Doesn't really matter. Two or three...

It doesn't really matter how many years ago it was.

But he had a spider named Jesse.

Jesse the spider.

And Jesse... every time you played a Willie Nelson record, he would start dancing, you know, he'd get into it.

I don't know if it was dancing or a cha cha or something.

What's going on?

He'd get all his arms... Oh, hey Oliver.

This is a restricted area.

Wurster, you know that.

Yeah, I was just telling Mr. Monk about Dr. Gould.

That's ancient history.

Mr. Monk has enough problems.

You're late. Time for our therapy.

Thanks.

Hey, fellas. Carry on.

Now remember, this is supposed to be a self-portrait.

How do you feel about yourself?

Look deep inside, there's no right or wrong.

(Monk) It's all over my hands.

Very good. I love those eyes.

Excuse me, doctor, is there a sink nearby?

I got... I need to wash up.

Will you shut him up?

(Female patient) He has been whining since he walked in here.

"It's too hot, it's too cold, I have charcoal on my hands!"

Jane, what did we talk about yesterday?

Controlling the urge to lash out.

So do you have something you want to say to Mr. Monk?

Sorry. It's okay.

I do have a little charcoal on my hands.

(Male patient) Dr. Lancaster.

Dr. Lancaster, guess what I'm painting.

(Jane and patient) Santa claus.

All right, all right, all right.

Huh.

Well, you know this is supposed to be a self-portrait.

That's me.

Hmm, why are you so small?

Everybody's small compared to Santa.

He actually sits up every night and waits for him.

I have a feeling he's on his way.

It's definitely getting colder outside.

It's August, whack-job.

(Lancaster) All right, okay. Back to work.

Come on. Come on, good.

Good.

Is there a problem, Mr. Monk?

I'm having a little trouble getting started.

Mm-hmm. Do you know why?

Uh-uh.

Maybe it's because you're afraid it won't be perfect.

[Chuckles]

And you're right; It won't be perfect.

Not everything is going to be perfect.

But come on, why don't you just draw something?

I've only got you for 48 hours.

(Male patient) It's too small.

I like it.

How does it feel?

It feels good. [Chuckles]

[Crickets chirping]

[Faint screaming and talking]

[Commotion continues]

Into the quiet room! She's gonna need more meds!

[Jane screams] Call Dr. Lancaster, and tell him that Jane's losing it!

(Oliver) Try his cell phone!

[Screaming continues]

[Bells jingling]

Santa.

I went to the stop and shop.

But instead of walking home up divisidero street, i... i turned left and I walked down Trudy's old street to her house.

Door was open, so I walked in.

And how did you feel being in the house again?

Content.

Not a care in the world.

(John) Adrian, when did this urge begin to manifest itself?

John, I'll run the therapy session today, okay?

Fair enough.

And later, you and I can talk privately. About monk?

(Lancaster) No, about your tendency to over-empathize.

I feel like I'm back in medical school again.

Dr. Lancaster, can I go next?

Uh, just a minute, just a minute, okay?

Go ahead.

I, uh...

I really feel sorry for the haskells.

Who are the haskells?

Who are the haskells?

The couple that live in the house.

Nick and Josie.

Sweet people.

And, uh... i...

My wife had a necklace exactly like that.

Well I'm not giving it to you, if that's what you're getting at.

Dr. Lancaster, can I please go next?

Yes.

Last night, I saw Santa claus.

[Everybody groans]

All right, I'm sure we'd all like to hear about it.

Go ahead. Okay.

It was around 4:00. I was asleep in my room.

I heard sounds outside.

They were footsteps on the roof.

And I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

[Laughter] It was him.

As big as life.

He was standing by the big chimney, getting ready to slide down.

Then...

His cell phone rang.

[Laughter]

His cell phone? Uh-huh.

He answered it, and then he started talking to somebody.

It's true, I can prove it. I took his picture.

You... you took some pictures? Yeah.

I always keep my camera by the window.

Well, I'm sure we'd all like to see them when they get developed.

And, who's next?

(Monk) Well, that's not a pair.

Actually, that's a Jack, and this is a king.

Close enough.

What are you looking for?

My camera.

I put it down right there. I know I did.

Manny.

What time did you see, you know, Santa claus last night?

3:47 am exactly.

I made a note.

You wanna see where I saw him?

(Manny) Everyone thinks it's just a children's story.

Of course, the Macy's parade guy and the department store santas are actors.

I'm not an idiot.

But there have been over 400 documented sightings of Saint Nicholas.

Scientifically documented.

It's on the Internet, so you know it's true.

Uh-huh.

Look.

That's an actual picture.

Well, Manny, that could be anything.

It's Santa claus.

What happened here?

Mr. Richter.

He didn't want to move.

He had this room before me. He put up a big fight.

This happen recently? Last week.

I've been on the waiting list for this room for 11 years.

Last week, Dr. Lancaster said I could have it.

[Groans]

I wish I had my camera.

I had real proof.

This... this is where you saw him, huh?

Uh-huh.

He was standing right over there.

(Monk) And then his cell phone rang.

(Manny) He answered it, and then he went back that way, out of sight.

What's that? Where?

On the chimney.

(Monk) It looks like a rag, or a piece of cloth.

[Sighs excitedly]

Manny, just don't fall.

Falling is bad, you know that, right?

Be careful.

Uh-huh.

There's a lot of, you know, gravity out there.

Can you reach it?

I think so.

Okay, Manny, look around.

Are there any footprints?

I see mine.

Besides yours.

Yes! They're all over!

He was here!

This is proof, isn't it? This is evidence.

Oh, I can't wait till my next session.

This'll shut 'em up.

Actually, Manny, I think we should probably keep this just between you and me.

No, why?

Well, maybe we'll find more proof.

And then, they'll have to believe us.

Fine. Good.

By the way, Manny, were you here when Dr. Gould was m*rder*d?

Oh, yeah, they quoted me in the newspaper.

I'll show you.

I saved all the articles.

"An unidentified patient stated that Dr. Gould

"was very popular, and would be greatly missed."

(Monk) Uh-huh.

(Manny) That's me, the unidentified patient.

(Monk) This table needs to move over here, out of the way.

Perfect.

Okay, this is medical closet.

That's the arts and crafts closet.

I know.

But we're pretending it's the medical closet.

That's the arts and crafts closet.

(Monk) Okay, Manny, you're Dr. Gould.

You're making your rounds.

You're coming down the hall. Uh-huh.

(Female patient) Oh, yeah.

He used to clean his ear, remember?

You enter the supply room.

There's the cabinet.

You unlock it.

Okay, Johnny, you're bill lafrankie. Yeah.

You're looking to steal some dr*gs. Yeah.

You sneak up on the doctor.

And...

Bang.

Bang. Bang.

Dr. Gould is dead.

Lafrankie goes to steal the dr*gs.

And you run away.

Run away.

Okay.

Let me think.

Keys.

Manny left the keys in the door.

Which is what...

Is what anybody would do.

But look at the picture.

Look at where the keys are.

Keys are still in the doctor's pocket.

I don't think he ever opened the locker.

Maybe lafrankie shot him...

Took his keys, and then opened it.

Why would an addict, desperate for dr*gs, return the keys to the doctor's pocket?

I don't think lafrankie did it.

I think the k*ller had his own keys.

You mean, he worked here?

[Door opens]

What's going on?

They're k*lling Dr. Gould.

(Lancaster) Now listen to me, Mr. Monk.

Not only was Dr. Gould my colleague, he was my best friend.

And I do not appreciate you joking about it.

I wasn't joking.

Do you know what a delusion is?

It's a false belief sustained, despite clear evidence to the contrary.

(Monk) The fishing line.

(Lancaster) Pardon me? What?

There was a fishing line in this rod.

Where did it go?

Well what do you think happened to it, Adrian?

You think I used it to strangle somebody in the ward?

Dr. Lancaster.

I'm sorry to interrupt, but I heard he was in here.

Where is it?

What?

You know what! My necklace.

The one you said reminded you of your wife.

He stole it. I know he did.

This is ridiculous.

I took it off in the infirmary.

That's the last time I had it.

You were in there!

Well, there's a simple way to solve this Adrian, empty your pockets.

Oh, my god.

[Angrily] Thank you. Very much.

(Monk) How did that get there?

[Door slams]

I swear i... Don't remember taking it.

I know you don't. I know.

(Jane) I'm sorry I yelled at you.

I was just like you when I got here.

I was seeing things that weren't there.

The night Dr. Gould was m*rder*d, I saw bill lafrankie running with a g*n.

You did?

Mm-hmm.

I was trying to get to a payphone.

But, in my mind, I saw Dr. Lancaster with the g*n.

Like I was projecting my rage for Dr. Lancaster onto bill lafrankie.

I see.

Dr. Lancaster was trying to help me.

I resented him.

Me too.

Welcome to my world.

Time for your medication, Mr. Monk.

Dr. Lancaster's orders.

[To himself] I'm slipping away.

What's wrong with me?

Hold on, monk. Hold on.

(Lancaster) If anything, his behavior has deteriorated.

We may have to keep him here longer than we thought.

Well, how much longer?

It's hard to say. It could be a month.

A month?

Or it could be as long as a year.

Adrian is bipolar, he is delusional, and he's paranoid.

He sees m*rder mysteries everywhere he turns.

In fact, he's befriended another patient, and the two of them are trying to prove that Santa claus really does exist.

Anta claus?

Mm-hmm, they went out on the roof collecting evidence.

It would be funny if it wasn't so dysfunctional.

Adrian, look who's here.

Hey, boss.

How you feeling?

Ah, I feel good.

I can't... I can't wait to get home.

Well, we were just talking about that.

Adrian, would you mind if I showed your friend some of the artwork that you made yesterday?

Here it is. All right.

Did I draw that?

You don't remember?

Isn't that Trudy's grave?

Um, Dr. Lancaster said that you saw Santa claus?

No, we didn't actually see him.

Manny took a picture.

But he lost the camera.

But we found a piece of a red suit.

(Lancaster) We'd love to see it, Adrian.

It was in here.

It was here! It was in here!

A little piece of fabric. You know, Santa's...

Santa's, you know, suit.

Okay, no, no.

It was a piece of fabric, and...

Doctor. Mm-hmm?

Can I talk to you privately? Sure.

(Monk) Santa's suit.

(Sharona) He's not himself. He needs me.

Look, I could be here two, three times a week, okay?

I still have my license.

Maybe they can give me a job here.

Sharona, I know you mean well.

But the less contact Adrian has with his old life, the better.

You can write him a letter, you can bring him something from home, I'm sure he'd like that, but no visits.

Adrian.

Uh, listen, i... i...

I can't take you home right now.

Sharona, look at his shoes.

Just look at his shoes.

They're smudged.

Could be soot.

Those are boat shoes.

They're made for traction.

And I think he has been walking on the roof.

Adrian.

Just try to listen to Dr. Lancaster, okay? Right.

He's a good man.

There was a doctor m*rder*d here about four years ago. Adrian, will you calm down?

Named gould. Conrad gould. Please try and stay calm, and sit.

Let's relax.

I think... i think Lancaster had something to do with it.

Am I losing my mind?

[Car engine starts]

Excuse me.

One second.

Hi.

Um, I'm told that Dr. Conrad gould left all of his papers to your library, and I need to see his journals from 1998.

Do you have an I.D.?

Not on me. I left it in my car.

I can look you up. Uh, well...

[chuckles] Here's the thing.

I'm not actually enrolled here at the present time.

Well, the library's for students only.

Oh, really?

[Sighs]

Is there a Chet that works here?

I'm Chet. Oh, my god.

This is so funny. I was told to ask for you.

See, I met this guy at a party who said that you were really cool and that you would let me do a little research here, as a favor.

Uh, what guy?

He was, um...

Oh, he was tall, with glasses.

Ross kelton?

That's right. That's right, Ross kelton.

Ross kelton said I was cool?

Was he wrong?

You wanted gould's personal journals, right?

Mm-hmm.

Mind if I ask what for?

Ross said you were cool.

Uh, right.

Right, sorry.

"Dr. Murdock has assured me that I am next in line

"for the directorship, a decision bound

"to be met with anger and derision by Dr..." oh, my god.

(Sharona) Is it okay if he has a picture of Trudy?

Maybe it'll calm him down.

I think he'll like that. Here you go.

Thanks. Nice to see you.

Thank you very much. You bet. Thank you.

I'll see you soon. I hope so.

Sometimes I wish I'd joined the rolling stones when they asked me.

(Oliver) Lights out.

Hey, check it out.

What's it say?

It says I'm not crazy.

Anything there about me?

What the hell?

[Door opens] (Lancaster) There you are.

I warned you not to play detective in my hospital.

This is bill lafrankie's file.

There's no way this man k*lled himself like they said.

He's in here!

He suffered from belonephobia.

He had a pathological fear of needles.

You're a smart man.

Let's see what kind of witness you are with a functioning IQ of 17.

Mr. Monk came here to try to k*ll me.

What? Wait.

I think he needs some time in the quiet room, Oliver. No, wait!

It's for your own good, Adrian.

[Suspenseful music]

♪

How much?

Two ccs of thorazine.

Make it four.

Four? Are you sure?

He can't weigh more than 160 lbs.

Did you just graduate from medical school in the last 45 minutes?

No, sir.

Then do what the hell you're told.

Give this patient four ccs of thorazine.

I gotta go upstairs and get some more.

Make it quick.

[Suspenseful music]

♪

What the hell?

Hey!

[Phone rings]

(Sharona) Hello?

(Monk) I know who did it, sharona. I can prove it.

Call the police.

I borrowed Mr. Caruther's camera.

It has eight pictures left, see the numbers? Uh-huh.

Is Santa really coming?

Oh, yeah, he'll be here.

What do you want for Christmas?

I just want two and two to be four again.

It's him! Santa claus!

(Monk) I knew it.

What's he doing?

(Monk) He's going fishing.

For what?

The g*n, Manny.

He has to find it before the construction crew stumbles onto it.

And he'll get rid of it for good.

And I'll never be able to prove any of this.

I love you, Santa!

Manny. [Whimpers]

Manny!

Manny, no. No!

No, no. Stay here.

I need you to take pictures.

(Manny) I don't understand what he's doing.

(Monk) Don't look down. Don't look down.

How's the fishing, doctor?

Monk.

How did you get up here?

Santa claus!

[Picture snaps]

(Monk) This is why you put Manny in that room.

'Cause you knew you could spend all night up here.

And nobody would ever believe he really did see Santa claus.

Nobody but you, monk.

And who's going to believe you?

You're clinically insane, remember?

We'll find the g*n, doctor. Right where you dropped it.

And that's all the proof I'll need.

You couldn't stand it.

The board of directors gave your job to Dr. Gould.

You k*lled him.

Dr. Gould.

[g*nshots]

You stole some dr*gs to make it look like a patient did it.

You needed a fall guy. Lafrankie fit the bill.

You probably got lafrankie all doped up, then lured him into the woods, where the cops found him the next day.

You only had one problem: The m*rder w*apon.

It was registered in your name.

You had to get rid of the g*n before the cops showed up.

And you found the perfect place to hide it.

Hey, you can't talk to Santa claus like that.

Manny.

Manny!

Santa, help me!

Well, well, what have we here?

Manny. Manny, hang on.

Just hang on.

Wait a minute.

You're not really Santa claus.

Monk, be careful, he's not really Santa claus.

[Grunts]

[Police sirens]

g*n's been lodged in that chimney for four years.

[Sirens grow louder]

I'm guessing the chamber and the metal firing pin are...

[Tires screeching]

Completely oxidized.

(Police officer) Drop the g*n, Santa. Put your hands up.

(Sharona) Adrian!

By the way, in case we don't get a chance to talk later, I just want you to know, except for the murders, and your trying to k*ll me, you really were the best doctor I ever had.

Hang on, Manny, they're coming to get you.

And merry Christmas.

[Phone rings} hello?

(Monk) Sharona.

Don't laugh, okay? I just need to be sure.

Is there a skinny oak tree by the window?

Yes.

Is there an armoire by the closet?

Uh-huh.

(Sharona) And is Trudy's picture on the nightstand?

Yep.

Adrian, you're in your own house. Now go to sleep.

Thanks.

Good news:

I'm seriously considering you for employee of the month.

Thanks, boss. I'll see you tomorrow.