01x06 - The Sucky Outdoors

[bunniefuu]

chris: last time on total drama island,

a talent contest brought out the worst in our campers.

it was awesome.

the k*ller bass struggled

to find any talent on their team.

and bridgette's clumsiness pretty much knocked out their

best prospect...courtney.

gwen stood up to heather.

so heather swore to make gwen's life miserable

by stealing her diary.

then she read it in front of the entire viewing world,

revealing that gwen has a secret crush

on someone at camp.

then heather managed to save her butt by convincing

the rest of the team to vote off

justin "mcgorgeousness."

Who will be the next one to walk off this crappy dock?

Find out tonight in the most dramatic marshmallow ceremony

Ever on total drama island .

Campers, today's challenge will test your

Outdoor-survival skills.

I'm not gonna lie to you,

Some of you may not come back alive.

All: (gasp)

Just joking. (Laughs)

All you have to do is spend one night in the woods.

everything you need is at your team's campsite in the forest.

You just have to find it.

Oh...and watch out for bears,

Lost a couple of interns in preproduction.

first team back for breakfast wins invincibility.

(Air horn blowing)

Well, off you go.

Did he say there are bears up in here?

I had a little encounter with a bear once.

Let's just say his head looks real nice up on my mantel.

Oh, this one time, I saw a bear eating our garbage.

He had old spaghetti noodles hanging from his

Big, huge teeth, and it looked like blood and guts.

it was so gross.

And we thought he was eating the neighbor's cat simba.

But it turned out he was just lost for a week.

Uh, you didn't eat spaghetti, did you?

Good. Let's go!

(Gulps)

Hey, gwen, wait up.

Can I walk with you?

No.

Hey, if this is about that whole diary thing?

Sadie, look, blueberries.

(Gasps)

I love, love, love blueberries!

Oh, my gosh, me too.

Sadie and I are b.f.f.f.l.s.

Best female friends for life.

We even got the chickenpox together.

Oh, my gosh, that was so fun.

It was so nice to have someone

To scratch all your little scabs.

I know, right?

Ugh!

She is so the next one to leave.

-Who? -Who do you think?

She dumped harold's red ant farm into my bed.

Yeah, but you did read her diary out loud to the entire world.

All: (gasp)

So?

So...that was pretty harsh.

She is going down.

Okay, those were so yummy.

Can you believe how yummy those were?

They were so yummy.

Katie, where's the rest of the team?

I don't know. They must be nearby.

k*ller bass, where are you?

k*ller bass!

(Gasps)

This is just like when we were

And we lost our moms at the mall.

And you started to cry, and the security guards

Had to like page our moms, and they were so mad.

Oh, my gosh, like, take a pill.

We're fine.

k*ller bass, where are you?!

Uh... (Laughs) there's no food here.

This is a survival task. Look at the instructions.

I wonder if there are any bears around today.

Wouldn't it be funny if we made some bear sounds

And then they came?

That would be so funny.

(Growls) I'm a bear!

heather: will you please shut up?

I'm trying to read here.

It says we're supposed to find our own food.

(Scoffs) I still don't see it.

I think they mean in the woods.

I'll go. I'm good at finding food.

Well, at least this will be a good week for my diet.

You don't know where we are, do you?

Yes.

Okay, no. But it's so not my fault.

Have you ever noticed that all trees look the same?

Ooh, I knew I should have known better than to listen to you.

What, you don't think I'm smart enough to find them?

Well, you're not exactly the best with, like, directions.

Yuh-huh, I am.

Nuh-uh.

Apparently, you're not, because we're l-o-s-t, lost!

I am so hungry.

(Groans) I think my stomach ate my stomach.

Yo! Who ordered the pepperoni...extra cheese?

It's for the camera crew, over here.

No way.

I am man! I bring fish!

Are you kidding me?

trent: aw, man, you're awesome.

Oh, I love fish! I love fish!

(Gasps)

I--i guess we should cook it first, huh?

How do you know how to fish?

My grandpa taught me.

I caught a shark once. It bit me in the butt.

Check it out!

Oh, my eyes! My eyes!

That is so awesome!

sadie: well, at least i know how to drive.

you--you... have to walk, girl.

now who's smarter?

sadie: trip to the beach last year, ring a bell?

Oh, I can't believe you're bringing that up.

I did have a totally fetch bikini on that day, though.

You drove my mom's car into a snack shack.

It was totally in my blind spot.

Whatever, if it wasn't for me,

You'd be riding the bus to the mall.

Well, if it weren't for me, you wouldn't be able to find

Your way to the mall!

Oh, i know my way to the mall!

sadie: you lean on me.

if it wasn't for me,

you wouldn't even be on this show.

katie: (gasps)

you're just saying that because I'm prettier than you.

(Sadie gasps)

I knew you thought that!

It's true. Everybody thinks so.

Sadie's, like, the prettiest girl I know.

Ah! Well, you're the prettiest girl I know.

We are really pretty, aren't we?

Don't you love that we can say that to each other

And not sound totally conceited?

I love that about us.

(Gasps) me too!

That's it.

When we get back to camp, we are so splitting up as

B.f.f.f.l.s!

Fine!

sadie: double fine!

Wow, you pitch a tent like a guy.

(Crickets chirp)

Wow, you pitch a tent like a guy?

(Fly buzzes)

I mean, you're not all girly about getting dirty and stuff.

Gee. Thanks.

What's for dinner, woman? I'm starving.

I hope you don't expect me to dignify that with a response.

geoff: hey, guys, look what I found!

(Coughs)

Well, I never had rabbit stew before,

But what the heck, I'm game.

(Sighs) this is my new pet.

I'm calling him "bunny."

You couldn't find any food?

Then it looks like we're eating grubs and berries for dinner.

Has anyone seen tweedle-dum and tweedle-idiot?

sadie: katie, look, a tree with a fork in it.

That's good, right?

No. It's not good.

It's the same tree we saw hours ago.

We just walked in a gigantic circle.

(Owl hooting)

(Screaming)

We'll be safe here until morning.

(Bat screeching)

(Screaming)

We're going to die here.

We're going to die here.

Okay, fire's hot, fish are grilling,

Tent is tenting.

Nice going, man, fish looks awesome.

Thanks, man. I owe it all to grandpa.

So you and your grandpa really fought a bear once?

Heck, yes.

It was the scariest day of my entire life.

(Gasps)

We were out in the woods when we came upon the great beast.

i tell you, he was feet high if he was a foot!

and then he roared his terrible roar!

(Owen roars)

we grabbed our shotgun.

we knew it was either him or us.

it was nothing personal, just the law of the wild.

and then, bam!

one shot was all it took to fell the great beast.

we took his blood and marked ourselves to honor him.

It was a good death.

courtney: yeah, right.

There's no way you took down a -foot bear.

Hey, has anyone seen crazy girl?

I think she had to pee.

That was over an hour ago.

Izzy!

Izzy!

Izzy the gopher, where are you?!

(Rustling)

(Laughs) good.

I thought we lost you there for a minute, man.

(Bear growls)

Great pyramid of giza!

aah!

we're all going to die!

We're gonna get eaten alive by a bear!

Oh, the horror!

Somebody help us. I want my mommy!

(Bear growls)

The trees! Climb into the trees!

(Owl hoots)

(Bridgette gasps)

Be cool, it's just an owl.

Sorry.

I just get really freaked out in the forest.

This reminds me of this really scary story I heard once.

Awesome. Tell it, man.

Are you sure?

Because the story I'm thinking of is pretty hard-core.

(Sarcastically) ooh! We're so scared.

All right, but don't say I didn't warn you.

One night, a lot like this one.

so suddenly, they-- they heard this tap, tap,

tapping on the side of the car.

the girls started to freak out, and by this time,

Even the guy was getting a bit scared.

So he turned the car on, and he stepped on it.

When they got back to the girl's house,

She opened the door and screamed, because there,

Hanging from the door handle... Was the bloody hook!

they say that this k*ller is still alive,

wandering these very woods.

He could be just about anywhere, really.

Maybe even right here!

All: (screaming)

(Evil cackling)

courtney: duncan!

That was so not funny!

Oh, yes, it was.

I just wish it was all on camera.

Oh, wait, it is.

You are so vile.

Do your parents even like you?

I don't know, jumpy mcchicken.

I haven't asked them lately.

(Howling)

(Courtney gasps)

(Growls) so what do we do now?

Don't look at me.

It was your idea to climb the trees.

Well, why don't you ask the bear-hunting expert?

Hey, owen, what now?

How should I know?

Dude, you said you k*lled a bear.

I was being theatrical.

This is all your fault.

If you hadn't been growling like that,

We never would've attracted him to our site.

Excuse me for living!

(Crying)

Hey, hey, hey, ease up on the guy.

He did bring us all that fish.

(Sniffs, growls)

Hey! Lay off our fish!

It's probably already eaten, izzy.

Then it shouldn't be hungry anymore.

What? This is survival of the fittest.

She should've just peed in her pants, like cody.

(Wood creaking)

(Screams)

(Growls)

(All gasp)

Dear, abby, she's going to die!

(Growls)

Uh, nice bear. Aah!

Somebody help me!

Run! Leshawna, get out!

(Chuckles) hey, are you okay?

Uh, did that bear just ask me a question?

(Gasp)

Oh, my goodness! I did not see that coming!

Okay, I'm so confused right now.

What are you? Some kind of weirdo?

I thought it would be funny. (Laughs)

Okay, okay, that was so funny. Like, "oh, it's a bear!

Oh, no, and, like, we're all gonna die now!

Help! Help!" (Laughs) and I'm like, "rrr!

I'm gonna eat you," like I could actually do that.

There's no way, okay? (Laughs)

(Howling)

What's wrong? Got to go pee?

Like crazy, but I'm too scared to leave the tent.

Yeah, me too.

(Gasps)

(All gasp)

Rockin' the fish sticks! Nice.

(Rustling)

(Bear growls)

Wow. (Laughs) that costume is really good.

I mean, I thought mine was good

But this one is like really good.

It's probably chris trying to mess with us.

Yeah, nice try, man.

We know you're not a bear, dude.

(Growls) uh, I don't know, owen.

This one looks kind of real.

Chris did say there were bears.

(Laughs) oh, come on, guys.

They're just trying to see if they can punk us twice.

This is not a real bear.

And I'm going to prove it to you.

Wow. That does look kind of real.

(Growls)

Yeah. That's a real bear.

Aah!

(All scream)

Great.

That's just great, bridgette.

Now we have nowhere to sleep!

Yo, drama queen, relax.

-It's cool. -Cool?

It's cool?

Things could not possibly get worse!

(Screams)

Well, I think it's safe, guys.

The bear's gone.

And...the map.

Hey, I don't know how raccoons sleep in trees,

Because I'm so stiff.

They must be really limber.

You know what, crazy girl?

I don't want to hear another word from you

Or the bear hunter here.

If you two hadn't been acting like bear bait all night,

We could have actually slept in our tent.

(Bird chirps)

All: shut up!

(Groans) is it morning yet?

I think that was the worse night of my entire life.

It was even worse than the night I went out with that guy

With the manky bad breath,

'Cause he ate those sausages at that place.

What?

(Growls) (both scream)

(Courtney sighs)

Morning, sunshine.

Oh, my gosh!

Ew!

You were cuddling me.

I was calmly lying on my back and trying to catch a few z's.

You were snuggling up to me.

You are such an ogre.

I've been called worse.

Ugh!

Okay, I just want to say for the record that

I was totally asleep and therefore unconscious

At the time of the "alleged cuddling"

With said neanderthal.

So essentially, it's like it never happened.

We're the first ones back!

Oh, no! They beat us here.

This is all your fault!

Ah-ah-ah, not so fast, gopherinos.

It seems that the k*ller bass are missing a few fish.

Oh, you mean, katie and sadie?

I'm pretty sure they got eaten by wolves last night.

Darn shame.

(Katie and sadie panting)

We made it.

We're safe!

Oh, my gosh, guys, we got totally lost

And then got in this massive fight.

And there was this huge bear, and he was all, "rawr!

You're in my crib, so get out!"

And we had to run, and it was, like, so scary.

Oh, sadie, I'm so sorry I said I was prettier than you.

And I'm so sorry I brought up the snack shack.

And I'm sorry I said your butt was too big

To fit in the bus seats.

You did?

Umm...well, not to your face.

Oh, who cares? We're safe.

And you're my best friend, and I love you.

Oh, I love you, too.

(Clears throat)

Are you two finished your little love fest?

Good.

Because thanks to you, we just lost the challenge!

All right, k*ller bass, one of your fishy butts

Is going home.

Gophers, you're going on an all-expense-paid trip

To the tuck shop!

(Cash register rings)

(Cheering)

(All gasp)

Oh, my gosh, this is so good!

I never thought chips could taste so good!

I think I'm gonna be sick.

That's so incredibly gross.

Ah, that's better.

Whoo!

The screaming gophers rule!

Hey, give me some of those chocodiles.

chris: you've all cast your votes.

The camper who does not receive a marshmallow

Must immediately hit the dock of shame,

Grab the boat of losers, and get the heck out of here.

And you can't come back.

ever...

now, I can see you're all tired, so tonight,

I'll just throw them to you.

Savvy?

Courtney.

duncan.

bridgette.

d.j.

harold.

geoff.

tyler.

ladies.

This is the final marshmallow of the evening.

sadie.

No!

Why katie?

Why her?

It's so unfair.

I so can't do this!

I've never been anywhere without katie.

We have to be together or I'll totally die!

Sadie, listen to me. You can do this.

You are strong and beautiful and, like,

Maybe even smarter than me.

And plus, you're, like, the funniest girl I know.

You have to do it for both of us.

(Sobs)

I miss you already!

I miss you more!

No, I miss you more!

No way!

I totally miss you more!

I miss you infinitely more!

Bye!

What do you want now?

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry I scared you.

I was not scared.

It was completely circumstantial.

And there is no such thing as a hook man.

Yeah, you're probably right or are you?

(Courtney screams)

Ugh! I hate you!

She so doesn't hate me.