04x03 - Going to Camp

[bunniefuu]

Please, Cherie, don't do this.

At least think about it some more.

I made up my mind, grandma.

I'm going.

But you're just a child.

That's why she wants to go to camp.

Well, leave room in there for my heart.

Sorry, there's hardly enough room for my socks.

Don't worry, Mrs. Johnson, Cherie and I will only be at Camp Kookalookie for one short week.

This thing won't close!

Seven days and seven lonely nights without my little baby.

Perfect, grandma.

Thanks.

Hi, Henry.

I knew it was you because you've been calling every ten minutes.

Stop apologizing.

I realize you had to work.

If you didn't work, I wouldn't be able to go to camp.

I better go now, Henry.

Camp only lasts a week.

I love you, too.

Bye.

Oh, the cookies are ready.

Well, I'll take them out of the oven and put my head in.

Brandon, it's time to say goodbye.

For the last time, Brandon, you can't come.

They've got fleas, they're big enough to beat you at arm wrestling.

I'll get it.

Flowers?

- Hi there.

- Oh, no!

- It's Grenolli.

- Blossoms for my Cherie.

I'm not your Cherie, so stop pestering me.

I'll pester you to the ends of the Earth.

You're the petunia of my heart.

Where did you get the flowers, Grenolli?

You're the snapdragon of my soul.

Where did you get the flowers, Grenolli?

The cemetery.

Yuck!

Please, daisy of my dreams, don't go away.

How would you like me to play she-loves-me, she-loves-me-not with your ears?

Just promise me you won't talk to any boys while you're at camp.

Boys?

You never told me there were boys.

There aren't, grandma.

The boys' camp is way across the lake.

Better be one of the great lakes.

Please don't go away, my darling daffodil.

Please?

- Goodbye, Grenolli.

- Goodbye, Grenolli.

Goodbye, my gorgeous gladiola.

I'll go get my suitcase.

Here's your cookies, honey.

I miss you so bad.

I'm not even in the car yet.

You think I'm acting silly, don't you?

Well...

Gee, it's just that this week at camp will be the first time we've been apart since you were born.

I know.

I'll miss you, too.

Oh.

Well, I'm gonna stop my blubberin' and let you go to camp and have a good time.

Thanks, grandma.

Grandma, why is your picture in this cookie?

Well, I didn't want you to forget me.

Oh, grandma, really?

You didn't have to bite my head off.

Attention, campers.

It's : and orientation is over.

Proceed to your assigned cabins.

Hey, great assigned cabin.

Shh, we might miss something.

Those interested in canoe making report to Running Elk Garfinkel.

Bring a hollow log.

Boy, I'm glad I brought my log hollower.

That's a grapefruit spoon.

So?

It'll just take a little longer.

This cabin sure is a lot cleaner than I thought it would be.

Smells just like home.

It didn't an hour ago.

Grandma?

What are you doing here?

Making this place livable.

It was filthy.

It's supposed to be filthy.

It's camp!

Well, it's gonna be a clean camp.

Please leave before somebody sees you.

But I didn't put on the shelf paper.

- We'll do it.

- We'll do it.

Let's unpack and get down to the lake.

Is that a helicopter?

Yeah, it says, "Kramer One." Margaux sure knows how to make an entrance.

Yeah, I guess her mother was using the Learjet.

Hello, people.

Is this the maid's quarters?

No, it's our assigned cabin.

Isn't it great?

Come back!

Please don't leave me!

Father!

Where's the bathroom?

I need to soak in a hot tub.

Face-down.

The shower is right down Poison Ivy Trail.

Oh, and they said that we should use biodegradable toilet paper.

Otherwise, it'll clog up the cesspool.

Group shower?

Cesspool?

Next you're gonna tell me there's no boutiques.

- Hi.

- Hi.

I'm Punky, this is Margaux and Cherie.

I'm Marcie and I get the upper bunk by the window.

Excuse me, Ms. Waltz-In-And-Take-Charge.

But what's so important about the upper bunk?

From here I can see the boys at Camp Scratchinitchy.

Boys?

Oh, stranded in the woods with Scratchinitchy boys.

Oh, how drop-dead romantic.

Cherie, we are not here to look at boys.

We're not?

No, we can do that stuff at home.

- We're here to do camp stuff.

- That's true.

Besides, my dad said if I like camp, he'd buy me one.

You call this a camp?

There's no Jacuzzi, no masseuse and no polo field.

You are such a Margaux.

Why, thank you.

What was that they gave us for lunch?

Creamed chip beef on toast.

You didn't actually eat it, did you?

Yeah, and my stomach is k*lling me.

Grandma, go home!

I've been to the kitchen.

I knew you'd need this.

Grandma, you're embarrassing me.

Alright, I'll leave.

She's never been alone before.

Tom-toms!

Is it time for our rain dance lesson?

That's a signal from Camp Scratchinitchy.

T-Shirts.

What's that?

After lights out, the boys sneak across the lake and raid our camp.

- Oh, really?

- Oh, really?

Yeah, it's a tradition.

Ah.

Why is it called Operation: T-Shirt?

Because we leave our T-shirts out on our beds and pretend to be asleep.

Then the boys come and swap their T-shirt for the T-shirt of the girl that they wanna meet later that night at the kissing rock.

Oh, how drop-dead romantic.

The kissing rock?

The only rocks I kiss are from Tiffany's.

You kiss the boy, not the rock.

Have you ever kissed a boy before?

Tons of them.

Tons of times.

Let me get this straight.

We know the boys are coming, but we pretend we don't?

Right.

Then we meet a boy we don't even know and could care less about, at a big rock?

- Right.

- That's stupid.

I didn't come here to play kissing games.

What do you know?

You've probably never even kissed a boy in your life.

If I have, it sure isn't any of your business.

Well, if there's anybody here who wants to see the actual kissing rock, I'm going there right now.

- I'd love to see it.

- Me, too!

Wait a minute.

I thought we agreed to forget about boys and do camp stuff.

You're right.

We don't have time to look at a big rock!

You're right.

The canoe race starts in five minutes.

- Good luck.

- Good luck.

Anybody see the boys?

Not yet, but I'll keep an eye out for them.

I'm so nervous, I'm so nervous.

How do I look?

I'm even gorgeous when I'm nervous.

Punky, you should've come with us to see the kissing rock.

It was so romantic.

That's nice.

What did you do this afternoon?

I went canoeing, fishing and hiking.

I just don't think you're taking advantage of camp.

Ah.

I see the boys.

They're right outside!

Shh!

Okay, quick, get your T-shirts.

- Here.

- Oh.

Where's my T-shirt?

I can't find my T-shirt!

It's in your hand!

- Oh.

- Hurry up, you guys.

Okay.

I guess I'll put my T-shirt right here on the end of my bed!

The lovely and sophisticated Margaux will put hers there, too.

Attention, girls, it's lights out.

Sweet dreams.

Nighty-night, Cherie.

I love you, honey.

Oh, please tell me I'm dreaming.

Chill out, Cherie.

Your grandma's all the way across camp in the counselor's cabin.

We're cool.

- Hey, Punky.

- What?

If you don't put your T-shirt out, no boy will trade you.

Exactly!

What if the guys don't raid our cabin?

They will.

And make sure you scream real loud.

Why?

We gotta pretend we don't want 'em here.

Do you guys mind?

I'm trying to sleep!

I'm good at screaming.

I'm better at fainting.

Fainting is good.

Boys like it when they can catch you in their arms.

T-shirt!

T-shirt!

T-shirt!

T-shirt!

T-shirt!

T-shirt!

Oh...

Let's check our T-shirts.

"Harold Winston III."

- I like the sound of that.

- I got Billy!

Mine doesn't have a name.

Just a question mark.

Ooh, a mystery man.

Oh, how drop-dead romantic.

Come on, guys, let's get down to the kissing rock.

You guys had your clothes on?

Of course.

Saves time.

You people are sick!

Aren't you coming with us, Punky?

No way.

I'm going to catch some more night crawlers.

I'm going fishing tomorrow.

Well, we're going fishing tonight.

I hope you didn't mind my screaming when you burst into our humble cabin.

Oh, not at all.

Um, it... it struck me that you screamed with a great deal of dignity.

I was hoping you'd catch me when I fainted.

I did... in spirit.

So... are you enjoying camp?

What do you think?

I know, it's t*rture.

The girls in my cabin don't have the net worth of Mother Teresa.

Oh, yeah?

Well...

The boys in my cabin suggested that prep school was for nerds.

Tsk.

Pity them.

Well, we're supposed to kiss.

I know.

But I chipped my tooth.

And I'm getting a cold sore.

What do you say we rendezvous next summer at, uh, Newport or the Cape?

- Perfect!

We'll kiss then.

- Superb.

- Smashing!

- Shall we go?

Hi.

Guess you're my mystery man, huh?

Yeah.

Kiss me.

Wow, you actually risked your life coming across that big lake for little old me.

Yeah.

Kiss me.

Don't you wanna talk a little first?

No.

Kiss me.

Hey, I'm not puckering up until I hear something romantic come from those lips.

Cherie blossom, you're the dandelion of my destiny.

- Grenolli?

- Yes, darling?

You are dead meat, Grenolli.

You stay away from my baby.

Hi.

Are you Marcie?

- Yeah.

You're Billy?

- Yeah.

Y... you know, I was watching you from our side of the lake.

- You're a great swimmer.

- Thanks.

You're really fast.

Yeah.

Well, I hear you're really fast, too.

Um...

What do you mean?

Well, I hear you really like to kiss.

Don't believe everything you hear.

- Let's get the fun started.

- Uh, w...

what's the rush?

- Come on, I know you want to.

- No, no, I don't.

You just...

Oh, go away.

All talk and no action.

Shh...

Wow, what do you know?

H...

hi, my name's Jimmy.

Hi, I'm Punky.

Are you looking for worms, too?

Yeah.

There's some great fishing in that lake.

I know, one night I caught enough trout to feed my whole cabin.

- Did you make that lanyard?

- Yeah.

It's really neat.

Isn't it a double-knot Indian loop?

Mm.

That's right.

Uh, not... not many people would know that.

Yeah.

Well, I'm a camp gal.

Here.

It's yours.

Thanks.

Uh, uh, do you, you really like fishing?

I love it.

Me, too.

But the girls in my cabin don't like to fish.

All they want to do is talk about boys.

All the boys in my cabin wanna do is talk about girls.

- Stupid.

- Dumb.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

I can't believe Grenolli followed me here.

I mean, if I could've lifted the kissing rock, I would have hit him with it!

Unfortunately, Harold Winston III is gawky, weak-chinned and accident prone, but if his finances check out, we might go steady.

Too bad you guys struck out.

Billy is a dream.

Really?

Did you kiss him?

Are you kidding?

Billy and I almost set the woods on fire.

Tsk.

Come on, you guys, let's go grab a late snack.

I'll tell you all about it.

Marcie, you're so lucky.

You're the only one of us that got kissed.

I know, I know.

Too bad you missed out, Punky.

Yeah, too bad.