04x02 - Crushed

[bunniefuu]

Okay, "Question A: You're on a bus, you're tryin' to get the attention of the cute guy sitting next to you.

So you, A: Say hello, Begin gasping for CPR Start to braid his leg hair." Margaux?

Forget the cute guy.

What ghastly event has reduced me to public transportation?

- That's not the point.

- That's true.

The real point is, did anyone I know see me get on that bus?

Never mind.

Punky?

- I'm busy.

- Come on, guys.

Don't you wanna know what your...

"Femininity quotient" is?

Cherie, there's more to life than boys.

- Like, what?

- Like, music.

Yeah.

Michael Jackson is a babe.

And sports.

Yeah.

Magic Johnson is a babe.

Why'd you do that?

Your brain is stuck.

These magazine quizzes are a waste.

When it's time to marry, the smart girl thumbs through who's who to find out who owns what.

And that's that.

You are boy crazy, and you are just plain crazy.

Where did I leave my wire strippers?

Hm, they are right over there.

- Oops.

- Ouch!

Hey, isn't this a pretty hostile way to stop a guy from cuttin' through your yard?

Punky?

What's wrong?

What a babe!

Hey, you okay?

Well, fortunately, it wasn't my pitching arm.

- I'm Kevin Dowling.

- I'm Cherie.

Ms. Margaux Kramer.

And you are?

Her name's Punky.

R... right.

What she said.

Punky's tryin' to install a new stereo.

Yeah?

What kind did you get?

- You're a God.

- What?

Uh, I said, God, you must know everything about stereos.

No, not everything.

Um, but it is kind of a hobby of mine.

So could you help me install my stereo?

Please?

Well, I guess I could, but it'll have to wait until tomorrow.

Right now I'm late for baseball practice.

- See you tomorrow.

- Right.

Hey, I love your left shoe.

Orange is my favorite color.

O... orange.

- Bye.

- Bye.

Oh, Kevin.

Kevin.

Kevin.

She likes him.

Maybe.

Oh, I commend you, Brandon.

Clipping coupons is an excellent way to save money.

Ouch!

"Fifty cents off for a jumbo bag of catnip?"

For the last time, Brandon, you cannot have a pet.

Ow!

Come in.

- Hi.

- Morning, Mr. Warnimont.

- Is Punky up yet?

- Ow!

She's in the bathroom, plucking her eyebrows.

Punky, your friends are here.

Hi, guys.

Punky, you look so sun-kissed.

You finally learned to coordinate colors.

Unfortunately, you chose orange.

Are you gonna go to the mall with us?

Not today.

Why not?

Because today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Poor Punky.

She's gone over the edge.

Here.

You may need this.

What is it?

The name of my mother's psychiatrist.

Punky.

Uh, is it time for school yet?

- It's Saturday.

- Then I'm late.

Punky, you're acting a little strange.

- Are you okay?

- I'm burning up.

No fever.

Perhaps, you drank a little too much cereal.

- I'll call the doctor.

- He can't help.

There is no cure for love.

Oh, I see.

You're in love.

Ah, isn't that wonderful?

I think.

Well, now, tell me.

Who's the lucky boy?

And is he the reason you're dressed like a popsicle?

Well, his name is Kevin and his favorite color's orange.

Have I met Kevin?

Henry, if you really like somebody, how can you tell if they like you back?

Mostly, by how they treat you.

Have I met Kevin?

Have you ever noticed?

Kevin rhymes with heaven.

No.

Have I met Kevin?

Not yet, but you will.

He's coming over later to help me install my, um, stereo in the tree house.

Well, good.

Now I see why you're so excited.

- My little girl is in love.

- Yeah, yeah.

Mwah!

I'm so depressed.

See, the red wire goes to the red wire and the black wire goes to the black wire.

You're a God.

Could you hand me a screwdriver?

- Regular or Phillips?

- Phillips.

Thanks.

You know, Punky, most girls wouldn't know the difference.

Really?

Kids.

Then we just plug it in...

and turn it on.

You're a God.

All finished.

- What's your favorite station?

- What's yours?

- WATV.

- Mine, too.

So I guess even when we're apart, we'll be listening to the same songs together, on different radios.

Yeah, right.

Oh, let's see if she works.

Sounds great!

No.

You need a longer antenna.

I'll bring you one tomorrow.

Oh, wait a minute.

I made something for you.

- Hm.

- Oh, it's beautiful!

Uh, it's a cake, right?

Yeah, I baked it to thank you for helping me with all this stereo stuff.

Oh, thanks, Punky.

You know, you're a pretty special girl.

- I am?

- Well, sure.

And this is a pretty special, uh, cake, too.

Well, aren't you gonna have a piece?

Uh, sure.

It wasn't easy to find orange frosting.

Ah...

- Oh, no!

It's leaking!

- Ah.

I guess I didn't cook it enough.

Well, don't feel bad.

This is one of those times when it's the thought that counts.

You're so deep.

Uh, thanks.

Listen, I'll see you tomorrow with that antenna.

The guys are waiting for me at the ballpark.

Bye, Kev.

Ah, Punky, are you, uh...

Oh!

Hello, young man.

I'm Henry Warnimont, Punky's father.

Oh, nice to meet you, sir.

I'm Kevin Dowling.

Bye.

Did he say his name was Kevin?

Yeah.

Isn't he gorgeous?

That was Kevin?

The Kevin?

That fully-grown, muscle-bound gorilla with a three-day stubble?

Yeah, he's crazy about me.

- He is?

- Yeah, he said I was special.

- He did?

- Uh-huh.

And I'll be seeing him every day.

Every day?

I guess we're going steady.

I'm going to break the news to Cherie.

I'm gonna break every bone in his body.

Kevin Dowling.

Kevin Dowling.

I'm gonna pound him into flea dirt.

I'm gonna rearrange his body parts.

By the time I'm through with him, he's gonna look like a Picasso painting.

Argh!

Well, let me ask you somethin'.

- Are you upset?

- Argh!

That boy must be , , years old!

Well, it won't help to carry on like a over-heated fuddy-duddy.

What's a boy that age doing hanging around an -year-old girl?

It's sick!

It's disgusting!

It's...

It's ugh!

Henry, this kinda agitation can cause a blood clot to sh**t right through your veins, into your heart and pow!

One dead sucker.

The only dead sucker around here is gonna be that cradle-robbing, stereo-installing Casanova!

Well, calm down.

I've known Kevin and his family for years.

He's a nice, normal boy.

I'm willing to bet that this romance is all in Punky's mind.

You think so?

Well, she is showing all the symptoms of a crush.

A crush?

Oh, Betty.

Punky's growing up.

Why can't she remain a tomboy for or more years?

Don't worry, Henry.

This situation with Punky and Kevin will work itself out.

You're probably right.

But just to be on the safe side, shouldn't I k*ll him anyway?

Oh, Henry.

Hey, get out of there!

Stay away from my petunias.

Nice going, Brandon.

Okay.

Now, I snuck some prime rib into your kibble.

If Henry asks to see where you got it, play dumb.

Dinner is served.

Cherie, you're the best friend a girl ever had.

What have you made for us?

Well, I felt that you and Kevin deserved to have chicken Kiev with potatoes au gratin.

- You shouldn't have.

- I didn't.

I made burgers and fries, instead.

- Fancy ketchup, though.

- Thanks.

Uh, Cherie, it's almost : .

Yeah.

Kevin should be here any minute.

Huh, yeah.

Three's a crowd, Cherie.

Oh.

Yeah, right.

Well, good luck, Punky.

Aha!

I figured she'd try to tape us.

Hey, Punky.

- I brought your antenna.

- Hi.

Gee, don't you look nice.

Thanks.

W... who is this?

Your sister?

- No, this is...

- Your mother?

- No.

- Your dental hygienist?

No, this is my girlfriend.

- Gina, this is Punky.

- Well, hi, Punky.

Hi.

It's nice to meet you.

Well, you, too.

Will you excuse us for just a moment?

I don't think I was expected.

What do you mean?

She was planning a romantic dinner, for two.

- Which two?

- You two.

That kid has a crush on you.

- She does?

- Look around.

Candle light, dinner, flowers.

She likes you more than I do.

I guess that's good news and bad news.

You've got a problem.

Yeah.

I do.

Look, Gina, I better talk to her.

I know we're supposed to catch a movie, but...

No, that's okay, but call me later.

Okay.

So you did all this for me?

Are you kidding?

Don't be stupid.

It was for me and my boyfriend.

Oh, you have a boyfriend?

Yeah.

Uh... Brandon.

He's crazy about me.

Follows me everywhere.

He's got red hair and big, brown eyes.

When I'm hurt, he kisses my face.

And, and...

Aha!

There you are.

You, you, you emotional assassin.

It's nice to see you again, sir.

What did you do to my little girl?

Nothin'.

Our relationship was strictly electronic.

Quiet, Brandon.

I'll handle this.

- That's Brandon?

- Don't change the subject.

Now you listen and listen good.

The first thing I want you to do is to...

Apologize and set everything straight.

Yes, and then I want you to...

Explain that I never meant to give her the wrong impression.

Right, and then I want you to try and...

Help build up her ego again.

Absolutely.

I'm sorry I had to be so rough on you.

That's alright, sir.

Punky.

Go away.

I suppose they need a little privacy.

Can I sit down?

It's a free couch.

Punky, I'm sorry I hurt you.

I didn't mean to.

Uh, dinner sure smelled good.

What did you make?

Cherie made it.

I can't cook, remember?

You know, Punky, I had no idea that you liked me.

How could you not know?

I dressed like an orange, I plucked my eyebrows.

You did?

Uh, doesn't that hurt?

It's like sticking yourself in the face with a porcupine.

I was stupid to think you liked me.

Oh, I do like you...

but I like you as a friend.

That hurts worse than eyebrow plucking.

I don't know what else to say.

I'm sorry, Punky.

I really am.

- Gina's pretty.

- Yeah.

I mean, she's okay.

Uh, see ya.

See ya.

Bye.

Punky, are you okay?

Sure?

Really sure?

Henry, he just wanted to be my friend.

I'm sorry, honey.

I feel like my heart broke into a million jagged pieces.

And they're cutting me all over.

I know that feeling.

- You do?

- Yes.

When I was years old, I had a terrible crush on the school nurse.

I'll never forget her.

Nurse Budnugger.

I bought a medical dictionary.

And every day I'd go to her office and pretend I had a different disease.

I had angina, asthma, athlete's foot.

But she caught on when she realized that my illnesses were coming in alphabetical order.

Whatever happened to Nurse Budnugger?

She married the gym coach and I cried for a month.

Only a month?

Henry, if this is what love's like, I think I'll pass.

Oh, honey...

I know love can be painful sometimes, but it can, it can also be wonderful when the right person comes along at the right time.

- Really?

- Really.

And until that happens, can I still be your number-one beau?

- Sure.

- Thanks.

Well...

there's still dinner for two downstairs.

- You're hungry?

- I'm starved.

Oh.

You didn't cook it, did you?

No.