[Jesse Frederick singing "Everywhere You Look"]
♪ Ah ah ah ♪
♪ Ahh ♪
♪ Whatever happened to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman the paper boy ♪
♪ Evening TV ♪
♪ Did I get delivered here ♪
♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This old world's confusing me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean as you've ever seen ♪
♪ Ain't a bird who knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪ ♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪ ♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Doobie doo bah bah dah ♪
[instrumental music]
Ready whenever you are, Steph.
Practice your show and tell.
Hi, boys and girls. My name is Stephanie Tanner.
For show and tell today, I brought something cuddly cute, and adorable.
May I present.. May I present..
My little baby sister Michelle Tanner.
Michelle is a baby.
Her hobbies are drooling and babbling.
Under here is her diaper which I'm not allowed to change but I've seen people do it, and it's gross.
Any questions?
Yes, little girl?
Does Michelle have a big sister who's really cool?
Yes, she does. Me.
That was wonderful.
Steph, if I had a gold star I would stick it right to your forehead.
Jesse.
Hi, guys.
‐ Bye, guys. ‐ Wait a minute.
‐ Jess. ‐ Hmm?
For the past five days you've been sneaking in and out of house carrying that blue bag with not one word of explanation.
Uncle Jesse, it's driving me crazy.
Just answer one question.
Where do you go with that bag?
‐ Out. ‐ Out where?
Outside. And that's two questions.
Goodbye.
Hello.
I love everyone.
I love you and you and you and you and you.
[imitating Joey] I love you and you and you.
What's the matter with you?
Nothing. I got a call from my mom this morning.
She found an old savings bond of mine in her safe deposit box and I now have 5,000 founding fathers.
‐ Yes! ‐ Alright! Great!
Yeah! Presents for everybody.
Danny, get Michelle.
‐ Alright. ‐ Okay.
You're first, my little toddlerette.
Here you go! A little baby lawn mower.
Oh, mow yourself silly.
Now, if you're real good next year you get the little baby weed whacker.
Okay, D. J., you're next.
I'm afraid all I have for you is two brightly colored pieces of paper.
Thanks.
Oh, thanks! Oh, this is so rad!
Springsteen tickets! Yeah‐‐ Hey, good seats.
Need a date?
Maybe.
What's in your bag?
Nice try.
Me next! Me next!
Oh, well, I'm sorry, Stephanie but all I have for you is a brand‐new bicycle!
[Stephanie screaming]
Joey, you really shouldn't have.
(Stephanie) 'Yes, he should.'
Thank you, thank you thank you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Oh, wait a minute, Steph. No riding in the house.
‐ Thank you, thank you. ‐ Hold on. Steph?
‐ Come on, Steph. We'll try it out in the back yard.
I can't stop! Open the door.
Okay, guys, don't go away. You got presents coming, too.
Alright!
Thank you. I'm through with that. Thanks.
Dan, I, I hope Joey gets me a new motorcycle.
That's be cool, huh?
I already know what Joey's getting me.
What's that?
Eight hundred dollars in cash.
Whoa, nice chunk of change. Why?
Well, 11 years ago, I loaned Joey eight hundred dollars to fix his car.
But he hasn't had the money to pay me back until now.
Better get it fast.
I don't want Joey's money.
That fact that he is finally paying me back is such a beautiful and touching gesture.
That's why I'm going to give the $800 right back to him.
Aw, that's the most generous, stupid thing I've heard in my life.
I don't care what's in the bag.
Ohh!
No!
I shouldn't do it, should I, Michelle?
What if..
Look, Michelle..
'...I've got a cookie.'
Yeah, you want the cookie?
They're yummy.
Want some cookie?
Yeah.
Come get the yummy cookie.
[gasps] Oops!
The cookie accidentally jumped into the bag.
Go find it!
Unzip the bag, Michelle.
Let's see what's in there.
'Never mind the cookie. Get the zipper open.'
'Let's see what Uncle Jesse's hiding in there.'
'You found it!'
May I help you?
She did it.
Shame on you, Michelle.
Now you don't want to grow up and be a nosy busybody, do you?
Your punishment is to give me one kiss.
Come on, one kiss.
Thanks for trying, Michelle.
Guys, ready for your presents?
‐ Yeah. ‐ Oh, yeah.
I've been ready for 11 years.
Here you go.
Jess and Danny.
Thank you. Alright!
A pass to the great American amusement park.
A lifetime pass.
Alright, Danny, open yours.
Well, actually, I already kinda have a hunch what you got me.
[laughing]
A lifetime pass to the great American amusement park?
Hey, we can double.
‐ See you, guys. ‐ See you.
Danny, wait till you see the pinball machine I bought.
You bought a pinball machine?
A genuine 1964 Gumby and Pokey pinball machine.
And the beauty part about it I picked it up for a mere 1,275 bucks.
Joey, this is why you're always broke.
Every time you have a nickel in your pocket you blow it.
Hey, come on, lighten up.
Joey, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Have you ever considered doing something with your money besides just throwing it away?
‐ Oh, like what? ‐ Like what?
Like putting it in a savings account or or, or, or buying a T‐bill or paying off your old debts, or investing in precious‐‐ Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Hold on.
Back up. You said old debts.
Danny, I don't have any old debts. Be serious!
Who'd be stupid enough to lend me money?
Me.
Oh, yeah. That's a good one.
When did I ever borrow money from you?
Palm Springs. March 12, 1977.
Your car blows up again.
As usual, you're broke.
So I loan you my last $800.
Oh, my God.
Danny, I completely forgot.
Why did you wait 11 years to say something?
I was going to give it two more years.
Danny, look. Here.
Just take the money back, with interest.
‐ Just take the whole ball. ‐ I don't want it.
All I wanted was for you to offer to pay it back.
Oh, sure, that's why you brought up paying off my old debts.
‐ Here. ‐ Joey, I want you to invest it.
I am, I'm investing it in getting you off my back.
Off your back?
‐ Yes. ‐ I don't want it.
I don't want it either.
Hi‐yah!
[imitating Elvis] Thank you. Thank you very much, ladies and gentleman.
You're a beautiful audience. Thank you.
[knock on door]
‐ 'Uncle Jesse.' ‐ Hold your horses, mama.
I, uh, I mean, hold on.
(Stephanie) 'I've got something to tell you.'
Hold on, please. Please, hold on.
Come in.
Want to come see me do my show and tell?
Girls, I'm very busy. May I help you?
Jesse, can I talk to you about‐‐
Jesse?
Yes?
What's under your robe?
Daniel, you're entitled to know a lot of things about my life.
But what a man has under his robe is his own business.
Don't be cruel.
You're right.
What a man has under his robe is none of my business.
Oh, this is so cool.
I should have looked in that bag sooner.
Alright. Sit down.
I'm doing this tribute to the king.
Show is called "Rock & Roll Heaven."
I'm trying to save up some money, I got some new songs.
I wanna make some new demos.
It's only for a week.
I'm doing it tonight and that's the last night.
Why didn't you tell us?
Well...I like to think of myself as having my own musical identity.
You know? And..
I don't know. I just feel..
I'm up there, you know. I'm shaking, I'm wiggling.
I got to see this show.
‐ Me, too. ‐ Let's go!
No, no, no, I don't think it's a good idea you guys coming down there.
Jesse..
...we just want to go there to cheer you on.
Don't worry. I promise.
Nobody's gonna make fun of you.
Hey, Danny, uh..
[laughing]
[instrumental music]
♪ Time rolls on ♪
♪ And youth is gone ♪
♪ And you can't straight up when you bend.. ♪ Now, don't forget.
We're not gonna fight in front of the girls.
I'm sure if I forget you'll remind me.
Eleven years later.
♪ Tiffany's.. ♪ Check it out, a Madonna lookalike.
No, honey, that's Marilyn Monroe.
(D.J.) 'Really?'
Boy, did she rip off Madonna.
♪ I don't mean rhinestones ♪
♪ But diamonds ♪
♪ Are a girl's best.. ♪
♪ Best friend ♪ Thanks, Marilyn. Great stuff.
And now, Rock & Roll Heaven presents.. the king of rock 'n' roll!
[instrumental music]
[cheering]
Thank you. Thank you very much ladies and gentlemen.
You're a beautiful audience. Thank you.
I'd like to start off with one of my biggest records.
It's about this big.
[whistle]
Thank you, sir. Thank you very much.
Alright, hit it, fellas.
♪ Well since my baby left me ♪
♪ Well I found a new place to dwell ♪
♪ It's down at the end of lonely street ♪
♪ At heartbreak hotel yeah ♪
♪ I get so lonely baby ♪
♪ I get so lonely ♪
♪ I get so lonely I could die ♪
♪ Die ♪ Yeah!
♪ Because I love you too much ♪
♪ We're caught in a trap ♪
♪ I can't walk out ♪
♪ Because my pants might rip off baby ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ We can't go on together ♪
♪ With suspicious minds ♪
♪ Suspicious minds ♪
♪ And we can't build our dreams ♪
♪ On suspicious minds ♪
♪ We're caught in a.. ♪
♪ I can't walk out ♪
♪ Because I love you too much ♪
♪ Baby ♪
[instrumental music]
♪ Hush little baby ♪
♪ Don't you cry ♪
♪ You know your daddy ♪
♪ Your daddy's bound to die ♪
♪ Ahh ♪
♪ But all ♪
♪ All my trials lord ♪
♪ Will soon be over ♪
[cheering]
[music continues]
♪ Glory glory ♪
♪ Hallelujah ♪
♪ His truth is ♪
♪ Marching ♪
♪ On ♪
♪ His truth is marching ♪
♪ On ♪
[instrumental music]
Oh, Jesse was great, wasn't he?
Girls, wasn't your Uncle Jesse great?
♪ Since my baby left me ♪
♪ Well I found a new place to dwell ♪
♪ Down at the end of lonely street ♪
♪ At heartbreak hotel ♪
♪ I get so lonely baby ♪
♪ I get so lonely ♪
♪ I get so lonely I could die ♪
(both) Ha!
[imitating Elvis] Thank you. Thank you very much.
You're a beautiful audience.
Okay. It's time for all Junior Elvi to say goodnight.
(both) Thank you very much. You're a beautiful audience.
(both) Thank you very much. Thank you.
Elvis has left the living room.
Aren't they cute?
‐ They're adorable. ‐ Ah.
Adorably cute. Take your money.
‐ Will you stop it, Joey? ‐ Take the money.
Can't believe you're still doing this. Knock it off.
I can't believe you won't take it.
Hello, boys.
Hi.
‐ Hello. ‐ Hello.
Guys, I'd like you to meet, uh..
I'm sorry, I didn't catch your real name.
Marilyn.
There's a coincidence for you.
Marilyn, this is Larry, this is Moe
'and the little one's curly.'
Get this, the show offered me the job as Elvis for as long as I want or until I..
[imitating Elvis] Dislocate my hips.
‐ Hey, congratulations. ‐ Great.
‐ Congratulations. ‐ Thank you. Thanks.
I don't know what I'm going to do, though, guys.
I mean, uh... tell me something, Marilyn.
I mean, doesn't it ever get to you, you know pretending to be Marilyn Monroe?
Pretending?
I am Marilyn Monroe, silly.
‐ Yeah. ‐ Fine.
Sure. Yeah.
Uh, if you'll excuse us..
...Ms. Monroe..
...we have to put the baby to bed.
By the way, I loved your work in "Some Like It Hot."
Guess they're funny, huh?
Will you stop bothering me?
I am trying to make a sandwich.
I need a knife.
Knife, kn.. Ah! Knife.
Joey, allow me to demonstrate how a mature adult constructs a sandwich.
Okay. Go for it, Mr. Adult.
First, my friend, we start with a clean knife.
We take two slices of bread.
On the left slice, mayonnaise. Hmm.
And on the right slice, mustard.
I'll bet you get another knife.
Have to.
Another clean knife.
And then the mustard we paint it on.
Hmm.
Now it's time for the ham and cheese and we alternate ham, cheese
'ham, cheese.'
So that in every bite we have an equal amount of ham and cheese.
You don't need therapy, do you?
Is that supposed to be funny?
I knew you'd say that.
"I knew you'd say that?"
What is that supposed to mean?
It means that you are the most predictable person on the face of this earth.
I know everything you're gonna say even before you say it.
‐ Oh, do you? ‐ Oh, do you?
See? You are so paint‐by‐the‐numbers that, even if the slightest little thing falls out of place you can't handle it.
‐ That's not true. ‐ That's not true.
Well, let's just see how true it is.
[humming]
Look at that crumb.
'It's driving you nuts, isn't it?'
Doesn't bother me.
Oh, no.
Doesn't bother you?
[laughing]
But what if..
[gasp]
There's two crumbs!
'They're getting bigger and bigger and bigger.'
'Don't touch them. They're alive!'
This place is a pigsty.
[imitating a pig]
Oh, sure. Sure, make jokes.
Because everything is a joke to you.
Mr. Comedian.
That's right. You only go around once.
You might as well get all the smiles in you can.
Smiles are great.
But you are almost 30‐years‐old and you still watch cartoons.
It's like living with Pee‐Wee Herman.
[imitates Pee‐Wee] Well, sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.
[screaming]
[screaming]
Joey!
Take this.
[screaming]
You are such a baby.
I know you are, but what am I?
Okay. Let's settle this like we used to in the old days.
‐ Arm wrestling. ‐ Arm wrestling.
See? I know everything you're gonna say.
Fine. Whoever loses has to keeps the $800.
Sounds fair to me. Okay.
‐ One, two three. ‐ One, two three.
I can't even remember the last time we did this.
June 22, 1979.
Why do you remember all this stuff?
I don't want the money back.
‐ Guys. ‐ Stop it, I've had it with you.
‐ Joey, I don't want the money. ‐ Guys..
Guys! Fellas!
There's something a little more important than what you're arguing about.
Me.
Fellas, I'm confused.
I don't know whether or not to take this Elvis gig or not.
I mean...I think I should probably be concentrating on my own music, don't you?
I think you should take the job.
You need the money for your demo tape.
Jess, the only reason you should listen to him is if you lost a mitten when you were four.
As for the job, hey, I saw you out there tonight.
You were singing songs that you love just having a blast.
That's why you should do it.
For fun.
‐ He needs the money! ‐ For fun.
‐ For money! ‐ For fun!
‐ For money! ‐ For fun and money.
Thank you, guys. That's good advice.
I think I'm gonna take the job.
Thanks.
(both) You're welcome.
‐ Don't say you're welcome. ‐ Don't say you're welcome.
You know, I don't know what I'd do without you guys..
...but I'm gonna look into it.
You know, that was, uh, good advice you gave Jesse.
Thanks. I, uh, thought yours was great, too.
I think we really helped him.
Well, yes. That's 'cause we make a great team.
I guess that's why we've stayed friends For 19 years..
...four months and three days.
'Cause maybe I'm a little...square.
And I'm a little goofy.
You know what?
Between the two of us..
...we make one hell of a guy.
That makes sense, I mean..
We've always been there for each other, I mean you were there when I needed that 800 bucks.
And you were there when I needed to have somebody help me take care of my kids.
I can never repay you for that.
You never need to.
Danny, look, a debt is a debt.
I just want to clear ours up, so here.
Please take the money.
Okay.
Thank you.
But I'm buying you a savings bond and a closet organizer.
‐ No, you're not. ‐ Yes, I am.
‐ No, you're not. ‐ It's my money now.
‐ Make your bed. ‐ No!
[theme music]