[Jesse Frederick singing "Everywhere You Look"]
♪ Ah ah ah ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Whatever happened to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman the paper boy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV ♪
♪ How did I get to living here ♪
♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This whole world's confusin' me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean as you've ever seen ♪
♪ Ain't a bird who knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪ ♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪ ♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold onto ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪ ♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin' to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ah ♪ ♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Doobie doo bah bah dah ♪
[instrumental music]
Okay, Michelle.
Well, your grandma's gonna make you an outfit and we have to get your measurements, okay?
Alright, hold her arms up, Joey.
Okay. Reach for the sky, Michelle.
[purring]
I'm sorry. I couldn't resist those cute little pits of yours.
Alright, here we go.
First, we start off with the chest.
‐ Okay. ‐ And it is 18 inches.
‐ 18. ‐ Okay, now we go to her tummy.
Which is 18 inches.
18 inches? Michelle, you little butterball.
And she's self‐basting.
Alright, young lady, you better hope grandma's not knitting anything with horizontal stripes.
Alright, let's get her hips here.
‐ Okay. ‐ Here we go.
And 18.
18‐18‐18.
Exact same measurements as her father.
Alright, stand her up. I gotta get her inseam.
‐ Okay. Okay. ‐ Stand her up.
Come on, here we go.
Stand up, Michelle. Come on.
Do something fun. Make this fun for her.
‐ Okay. Okay. ‐ Do some voices.
Okay. What does a moo cow say?
A moo cow says moo.
Moo.
‐ Moo. ‐ Moo.
(both) Moo.
‐ Moo. ‐ Moo.
(both) Moo moo moo.
And your dad lets these people take care of you?
Hey, it's hard to find good help.
‐ Moo. ‐ Moo.
Say moo.
[purring]
Wanna come to the church bake sale?
I can't. I'm waiting for my cousin Steve.
I haven't seen him in 2 years.
D.J., you gotta come.
This year I made the three wise men out of strudel.
Kimmy, Steve is like my big brother.
We go ice skating. We mess around.
We have so much fun. It's like we're not even related.
What's he look like?
Well, looks aren't everything.
A real geek‐burger, huh?
Well, he does have glasses and braces and zits.
But other than that, he's really cute.
Geek‐burger with cheese.
♪ Da‐da da‐dah ♪
♪ Da‐da da‐dah ♪ Hey, Steve, da‐da da‐dah means get in here.
Sorry, that was my first da‐da da‐dah.
Greetings from Baltimore.
Steve?
D.J., how you doin', sport?
Hi, Steve.
What happened to your glasses?
Oh, I got contacts.
‐ Your braces? ‐ Got 'em off.
Your face full of zits?
They cleared up.
Yeah, one night I went to bed looking like a nerd and woke up lookin' like this.
Isn't nature great?
The best.
Kimmy!
Do you realize you just slammed the door on my face?
What door?
Here, let me help you with that.
Great. You'll be staying in our beautiful, spacious alcove.
Alright!
D.J., can you believe your little Cousin Stevie is being offered a baseball scholarship from Stanford?
I'm really proud of you.
I can't get over how you've shot up.
Yeah, well, I give the credit to good food, plenty of exercise and all that sleep I got during class.
He's funny, too.
I'm sorry. We haven't met.
I'm, uh...I'm, uh..
You're Kimmy Gibbler.
How did she make it all the way to fifth grade?
Jesse, Joey, where are you?
‐ Hey, Steve‐o! ‐ Hey, Cousin Steve!
Wait, let me guess.
Uncle Danny has told me all about you guys.
Now, you've got to be Jesse the great‐lookin' rock 'n' roller
'who gets all the girls and spends hours on his hair.'
And you must be Joey.
The guy with all the funny voices.
uh, Steve, that's Joey and this is Jesse.
[imitating Bullwinkle] But thanks anyway.
And here's someone else you haven't met yet.
Say hello to your new Cousin Michelle.
Oh, hi. Hi, sport. Coochie‐coochie‐coo.
Coochie‐coo. Hello.
What's the matter, don't you speak baby?
Steve, I've got our whole weekend planned out.
This afternoon we go ice skating, okay?
Well, I don't know, you know.
I‐I kind of felt like playing some basketball.
Alright, b‐ball!
Alright, come on. Let's sh**t some hoops!
I'm psyched!
Let me go get my sweats on.
Oh, D. J., wait, uh..
D.J., somebody's gotta stay here with Michelle and Stephanie.
Would you mind?
Alright.
Oh, thanks. We'll be back in an hour.
(Jesse) Alright, let's go. Let's go.
Let's pass the ball. Let's pass the ball.
Jesse, I'm open.
Eh, Danny.
Danny, right here. I'm open.
‐ Think fast, Steve. ‐ Yup.
Steve, drop pass. I'm open.
Here you go, Jesse.
‐ Alright. ‐ Jesse. Right here. I'm open.
Alright, Joey. Right here, Joey.
‐ Joey. ‐ Right here.
Right here, Jo..
‐ Joey. ‐ Joey.
‐ Got another ball? ‐ Let's go.
This is gonna be great.
Steve and I will eat lunch together.
Then I'll show him these pictures of us from thanksgiving two years ago.
How long is Steve gonna be staying at your house?
Uh, three or four days.
Me, too.
Okay, we got bologna, salami, and cheese peanut butter and grape jelly.
Sounds good.
I just hope you didn't put them all into one sandwich.
[laughing]
Here, look at this one.
(Kimmy) 'How neat.'
And that one.
‐ Hi, Stevie! ‐ Hi, guys. We made lunch.
Lunch! Food! Food! Food!
[indistinct chatter]
Hey, Laker‐Celtics game's on.
Alright! Some more b‐ball!
(in unison) B‐ball, b‐ball, b‐ball.
(Danny) 'Girls, watch the game with us.'
Animals.
Glad I saved this.
Come on! Go!
Yes.
‐ Yes. ‐ Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
I really think the Lakers can repeat as world champions.
If they do, they'd be the first team since Boston in '69‐'70.
Hey, Steve, you like my jeans?
They're brand‐new.
Oh, yeah, great.
You know, I think the Lakers have the best record since Portland back in '78.
Yeah, well, they should, they got everything.
They got the speed, the power, the depth and most importantly, the Laker girls.
‐ Yes. ‐ Yes.
(both) Yes.
Yes!
What an awesome thing..
...that just happened.
You don't have a clue, either, do you?
Hey, does anybody else want another pickle?
Oh, we're out of pickles.
I'll get you some.
If there are no pickles at my house I'll take a cab to the market.
‐ Bye, Stevie. ‐ Okay, see you later, Kammy.
That's Kimmy.
Hey, if it's Kammy to him, it's Kammy to me.
Jesse, I'll bet two bucks Magic steals the ball.
No, no. Not the way bird's been playing, buddy. You're on.
Magic steals the ball.
No!
Yes. Two founding fathers, please.
Thank you.
Joey, that's incredible.
I come from a long line of psychics.
You mean psychos.
Alright, give me a chance to win my money back here.
Okay. I'm getting another vision here.
I'll bet you two more bucks that Cooper steals the ball passes off to Magic, who'll lead a fast break down court end it with a slam dunk by worthy.
You're out of your gourd. Alright, you're on.
Look at this. Cooper steals the ball.
Fast break. Magic to Scott to Magic.
No, look. Pass to Worthy. Slam dunk!
No way!
‐ Unbelievable. ‐ That's amazing.
Sometimes I'm so good, I actually win money from myself.
Thank you.
Boy, Joey, you didn't know all this stuff when we watched this game this morning.
[chuckles]
[chuckles]
Kids! What an imagination.
One final wager.. Oh!
I'll bet that if you don't give my money back you're gonna die.
And I was going to give you half.
[Michelle crying]
Oh, baby alert. I gotta go check on Michelle.
You guys stay here and watch the game.
I'll take care of the kid.
Oh, thanks.
I'm sure you can take care of her.
Considering you have no experience with an infant whatsoever.
No problem.
Help him.
Hey, your Nephew Steve's a great kid.
Thanks for being so nice to him.
Ever since his dad moved out he hasn't had much of this guy stuff.
Yup. Us guys gotta stick together.
Bite.
Hey, what's the matter, Michelle?
'Um, are you hungry?'
Sleepy? Grumpy? Bashful? Dopey?
Sneezy? Doc?
Having fun?
Oh, yeah. I always have fun here.
Your dad is great.
I'm real glad you're back.
Hey, is the little kid okay?
(D.J.) 'Uh, I think she needs a changing.'
Uh, no, thank you. Be my guest.
Oh, no. You'll be fine.
I just think you need a dry run at this.
Well, I think we're a little too late for that.
No. I mean, practice on the monkey.
Oh, right.
[sighs] Alright.
Okay, put the diaper on.
Okay.
Steve, want to go ice skating tomorrow?
Oh, I can't. Your dad's taking me to a Warriors game.
Okay.
Well, we can go tomorrow.
And since we'll be right there at the mall we can go to a movie and eat pizza and my friend Jennifer's having a boy‐girl party.
Well, I'm gonna be pretty busy the whole time I'm here.
I gotta look at some colleges and besides, I'm a little too old for that kind of stuff.
Okay, so I tape right, tape left.
Alright, this monkey is ready to party.
Hi, Michelle.
How's everything goin', Steve?
Uh, well, I think this speaks for itself.
Nice work. Cheetah looks happy.
‐ Yeah. ‐ Come on, you're missin' it.
The b*ll*ts are playing The Pistons.
Alright! I gotta see this.
D.J., you don't have any plans for tomorrow afternoon, do you?
Not anymore.
Well, you do now because we're all goin' to the park.
How does some touch football sound?
Oh, great! Yeah!
Then we can play some, uh, some soccer some basketball, volleyball, and tennis.
And then we'll play a rousing game of let's rush Uncle Danny to the hospital.
Great. Come on.
See ya.
And, Steve, after the game, I'm gonna take you to the locker room and introduce you to the whole team.
Oh, really? I've got to meet Ralph Sampson.
The man is a building.
The team is a city.
[chuckles]
Let's have a little talk here.
What do you think of your Cousin Steve?
I know. He's just a big jock.
You should have known him two years ago.
Back when he was my friend.
He doesn't care about me anymore.
All he cares about is sports.
Guess you're just nothing around here unless you're one of the guys.
[dramatic music]
I really appreciate this.
Tomorrow's my first real game of touch football.
And I don't want to look stupid.
Stop. You look stupid already.
What'd I do?
D.J., you don't call it football.
‐ You call it, football! ‐ Football!
Yes! That's it. Alright, you got lesson number one.
Now, lesson number two, the ever popular psych out.
No words. Just sheer intensity.
Observe.
[laughing]
‐ It's something like that. ‐ Something like that.
Alright, let's show her a play, man. Let's show her a play.
‐ Alright. ‐ Watch this.
I do a down‐and‐out, fake to the flag buttonhook back, and I'll hit you, okay?
‐ Got it. ‐ Here we go.
You're gonna love this.
You ready? Hut! Hut! Hut! Go!
‐ Aah! ‐ Alright.
‐ Grr! ‐ 'Go, Joey!'
(Jesse) 'Alright. Watch this.'
I'm reading the defense, right?
I'm checking the pass rush.
I'm checkin', I'm checkin' my receivers.
I'm‐I'm‐I'm still checking my receivers.
I'm checking my watch.
Joey! Where are you?
Sorry. I just stopped off for a quick bite in the secondary.
‐ Hit me, I'm open! ‐ Argh!
‐ Touchdown! ‐ Spike it!
The football!
‐ Yeah! ‐ Ya‐hoo.
Hoo.
Now, this is fun.
How do you guys know all this?
‐ Well, 'cause we're guys. ‐ Yeah.
You see, it's in our blood.
Guys are just born knowin' how to play..
(in unison) Football!
Alright, huh! Huh! Huh!
[instrumental music]
Half that money's mine, kid.
Want another one of my sandwiches?
Uh, no, thanks. Three's enough.
Speaking of basketball.
Did you know that Wilt Chamberlain scored the most points ever in an NBA game?
And Moses Malone joined the league right out of high school.
And if the Bulls ever built their team around Michael Jordan, they'd be unstoppable.
Enough talk. Let's play football!
Alright!
Alright, we'll pick teams.
I'll be a captain, because it's my football.
Alright, I'll be a captain.
Because your hair looks like a helmet.
Way to go, football!
‐ Yes. ‐ Watch Michelle.
There you go. Let's go. Let's pick.
Okay, the first person I'm gonna pick..
‐ My man, Steve. ‐ Yeah, alright, Uncle Danny.
Alright, let me see the first person I'm gonna pick is..
My man D. J.
Yeah!
I want you! I want you!
Let me see.
If I'm not on Steve's team, I'll die.
Kimmy.
Way to go, big Stevie.
Okay, here we go.
Uh, let's see, I'll pick..
I need someone with good hands. I need someone with good hands.
I'll pick my man.. Michelle.
Come on, Michelle. High five. High five.
Can you believe he picked Michelle over me?
Steph, please. I have my own problems.
Okay, Steph. You can be on our team.
‐ What? ‐ Low five.
Whoo!
Somebody please pick me before a stray dog shows up.
Okay, we'll take Joey but you guys gotta spot us a touchdown.
‐ It's only fair. ‐ Enough messin' around.
Let's play football!
‐ Football! ‐ Football!
Alright, here we go.
You guys remember, the end zones are that bench and this tree right here, okay?
Let's go, Joey. Let's get this game underway.
Here we go. Here we go. Here we go.
‐ Alright. ‐ Alright.
Gibbler, you're dead meat.
Alright. And hut! Hut! Hut!
Here we go. Here we go. D. J., D. J!
‐ Yes! ‐ 'Whoo!'
Touchdown!
Yeah! Whoo!
(all) Ho.
Huh! Huh! Huh!
(in unison) In your face!
Don't worry about it, big guy.
You know, I'm worried about you.
Told you you were dead meat, Gibbler.
Steve, aren't we having the best time?
Yeah.
What are you looking at, chump!
Nothin', fool!
Let's get 'em, Stevie.
Don't even think about it.
‐ Okay, Steph. Here we go. ‐ Here we go. Here we go.
On three.
‐ Hut! Hut! Hut! ‐ Alright.
Ohh! Got her!
We almost fell for the old statue of Stephanie trick.
Alright, alright, you girls have had your fun.
Now, it's time for us guys to play some real football.
‐ Alright! ‐ Alright!
Hey! Just because we're girls doesn't mean we can't play.
Let's just put the ball down and see what you guys are made of.
(in unison) Ooh.
Okay, Steph. Let's go.
‐ Alright, come on. ‐ Here we go.
‐ Ready, sweetie? ‐ Last play.
Okay, on two. Hut! Hut!
I like three better.
Oh, sorry.
You're right. My mistake.
Okay, on three.
Hut! Hut! Hut!
Yes. Come on, Steph. Steve, go long.
Oh, no!
Yeah!
D.J., what are you doing?
Playing football, man.
This is touch football. What's your problem?
I got no problem. You got a problem?
Yeah, that was a pass interference.
a*t*matic first down.
No way, you wimp!
D.J., Steve's right. You were way out of line.
We're not playing tackle here.
Oh, sure, take Steve's side.
You guys are such buddies.
Why don't you just adopt him?
That's what you want, isn't it?
Great. Now I'm gonna start crying like a little girl.
D.J.
‐ Half time. ‐ Yup.
Half time.
Shake it off, big fella.
D.J., what's with the "why don't you adopt him" stuff?
Oh, come on, dad. It's pretty obvious.
You're taking Steve to ball games having fun, high fives all over the place.
You know Steve's dad moved out last year.
Steve needs me right now.
It's real important for him to‐‐ I know. Hang out with the guys.
What's wrong with that?
Nothing, unless you're a girl.
Dad, I want to spend time with him, too.
We used to be such good friends.
I don't know what happened.
I'll tell you what's happened.
Steve's grown up a lot in the past two years.
He's becoming a young man.
D.J., I know you're having a hard time with this.
But that's no reason to clean his clock.
Fine, dad.
I'll go take Michelle and Stephanie and we'll go play "Duck, Duck, Goose."
[sighs]
[knock on door]
Who is it?
(Steve) 'It's Steve. Can I come in?'
Uh, yeah, I guess.
You sure it's safe?
Yeah.
Thanks, I, uh..
...didn't want to make the wrong move and get creamed again.
Well, you know, I've been here two days and this is first time I've ever been up to your room.
You're a busy guy.
Yeah, well, my schedule kinda opened up and I was hoping that maybe I could talk to you.
To me? You want to talk to little old me?
Yeah. Look, D. J., I was‐I was wondering why you clobbered me.
'Cause I felt like it.
Well, why did you feel like it?
'Cause I did.
Well, why did you?
Because I was mad at you.
I was really looking forward to you visiting and you didn't even want to go ice skating.
I thought we could do stuff like we did last time.
I miss the old Steve.
[dramatic music]
D.J., I'm still the same Steve.
No, you're not.
The old Steve wouldn't have taken this long to come up to my room.
D.J., I'm sorry. I wasn't thinkin'.
Look, but I'm here now.
D.J., I'm still your cousin and I still love you.
So don't you think we can try and be friends again?
You seem so much older than me now.
Well, I know, it may seem like a big difference now because‐because I'm 17 and you're 11.
But, you know, when I'm 100 and you're 94 you'll probably hardly even notice the difference.
So..
So..
So, you want to start all over?
Great idea. Alright, I'll go outside and come right back in.
Okay.
[knock on door]
Da‐da‐ta‐da. Greetings from Baltimore.
Hi, Steve. What happened to your braces, glasses and zits?
Oh, um...all gone.
Isn't nature great?
Hey, I got a great idea.
What do you say we go ice skating?
Nah, that's for little kids.
But if you really want to go..
Yeah.
[instrumental music]
♪ Ah ah ah ♪
[theme music]