Man, this lake is really startin' to freak me out.
You know how many people have disappeared from here in the last couple of years?
Maybe two.
But do you know how many people have disappeared just in the last six months? Huh?
Five.
Man, you are paranoid. You should really lay off the green.
Or at least share some with me.
All right, I'm done. Let's get the hell out of here.
Slow down. Let me finish getting my samples.
You gotta relax. You need a hobby.
You should try golf.
Τillman, why are you even here?
You're more concerned with baseball and mullets than you are with the ecosystem.
For your information, I got into this line of work... so I could meet sexy eco-warrior chicks who don't shave their legs.
[ Screams ]
[ Gasping ] Oh, God! Oh, God!
Help me!
[ Grunting ] Help me! Help me!
Τillman! Tillman! Tillman!
Τillman! Tillman!
Good mornin', sunshine.
So are we havin' fun yet? Yeah, tons.
Are you kidding me? This is the boredom capital of the universe.
Look, Scott, you're stuck with me for a month, so why don't you at least try and have a good time, huh?
You don't even have cable or high-speed Internet.
My cell phone doesn't even work out here.
A lot of people would think that was a good thing, Scott.
Yeah, unlike your nasty meat loaf pie.
Since you're so determined to be miserable out here, why'd you decide to come along in the first place?
It's called a custody agreement, Sheriff.
Listen, I wanna get something straight with you right off the bat, Son.
You might be able to talk to your little friends that way, but I'm not one of your little friends, and I'm not your peer.
I'm your father, so I demand respect.
Whatever.
[ Man On Radio ] Sheriff Riley, come in.
Go for Riley.
Sheriff, that E.P.A. guy is here again.
Says his partner's gone missing on the lake. Over.
[ Riley ] Mills?
He probably smoked a bad bowl and forgot he was all by himself.
I'll be there in a few minutes. I gotta go in to work.
But afterwards, I'll stop by and grab you. [ Barking ]
We'll go into town and catch a movie, huh?
Yeah, maybe.
So why don't you talk to her already?
Jesus, Dad. Don't you gotta go to work or something? Yes.
So why don't you talk to her already?
I'll talk to her when I wanna talk to her.
If you're so excited about it, why don't you go talk to her?
Be careful what you wish for.
[ Engine Starts ]
[ Chuckles ]
Hey! Can I speak to you for a minute?
Hi. How are you? [ Chuckling ]
Sure. Okay.
Oh, this is not happening.
Mornin'. Good morning, Sheriff.
Miner, you crazy sneakin' up on somebody like that?
Hey, that's my job. Yeah, well, excuse me while I go do mine.
You know, I heard someone else has gone missing on the lake.
How many does that make now, Sheriff?
Is there a possible serial k*ller on the loose? Wild animal?
Maybe an Αl-Qaeda jihad?
Care to comment? Yeah, I care to comment.
You write anything in that newspaper of yours that sends my town into a panic, I'll be looking for you at the bottom of that lake.
You can quote me on that.
You’re a guard dog. Guard!
Who buys your bones?
Can somebody please explain to me why the local gossip has to be breathing down my neck?
Hello, Frank. There’s enough goin' on around here... without havin' to deal with that moron.
I told that dirty rotten snoop Cal Miner to get the heck out of here.
He just started yammerin' on about freedom of the press or some such.
You should just sh**t him, Sheriff. If it were only that easy.
There you go, makin' things too complicated again.
Could we make an exception in Cal's case?
Dale, do not tempt me.
Sheriff, listen. Hey, Frank, how's it goin'?
Good, good. No, no, not that great, you know?
Yeah, I heard about that. Why don't you, uh, fill us all in. [ Frank ] Okay. Well, my partner and I are workin' on the lake, and, uh-
Well, the next thing I know, he's in the water.
Just like that? Yeah.
I'm tryin' to get him back in the boat, and he's screamin' and yellin', and somethin' pulls him under. He's gone, Sheriff.
[ Riley ] I'm a little unclear on something here.
How exactly did he wind up in the water in the first place?
Uh, pretty sure he fell off leanin' over the side.
Frank, I got a question for you. Did you, by any chance, eat any organic brownies this morning?
[ Laughing ] [ Laughing ] That's gotta be it.
You think this is just a joke, huh, Sheriff?
Come with me, and I'll show you the punch line.
Okay, Frank.
I got a feelin' I'm not gonna like what's under that sheet.
Ah! Wow.
So these are your friend, huh?
Used to be.
Whatever's in your lake took the rest of him.
I gotta call Fish and Wildlife right away. Cover that up, Charlie.
[ Woman ] We've already been called.
[ Riley Chuckles ]
Well, gentlemen, isn't this just ducky?
Look, James, if it's any consolation, I asked them to send someone else.
I appreciate your concern, Emma, but I'm a professional.
I can handle it. It's just that I hadn't heard from you in so damn long.
I sent you an e-mail.
You sent me a group e-mail about some PETA rally. How personal is that?
Honestly, I didn't think you were quite over your ex-wife.
Oh, now, just what the hell is that supposed to mean?
I hate to break up couple therapy. Oh!
But I'm not Dr. Phil, and this sure as hell ain't Oprah!
It's not a toy, Frank!
Emma? Look what you did!
Are you happy?
I'm so embarrassed.
Always had a weak stomach for blood.
It's a good thing you weren't out on the lake. Boy, it was awful.
Pulled him under so quickly. Here.
So strong. Something that vicious, Frank, it had to be a mountain lion, a sick bear or something like that.
The chances of a mammal k*lling someone on a lake that deep are about a billion to one.
About as good as our chances of finding out on this porch.
Think you can handle going back to the lake, Frank?
Yeah, sure. Let's do it.
Okay. I have a boat. Let's go!
[ James ] Frank, we've been over the same area four times.
You sure this is where Τillman went under? I think so.
You think so?
I didn't know anyone lived on this side of the lake.
That’s "Crazy" Sadie Bickerman.
She moved into that place a couple years after her sister went missing.
The way I hear it, she, uh, used to feed live cattle... to a couple of 40-foot prehistoric crocs she kept in her backyard.
[ Emma Chuckles ] What? That's ridiculous.
That’s the kind of detail you could've shared with us back at the morgue.
Mills, come on.
You know everybody around here's prone to exaggeration, if you get my drift.
And crocodiles don't live as far north as Maine, Frank.
If there really was one up here, I'm sure it would've been a newsworthy occurrence.
Maybe. But that's not the kind of thing... a lake town would want featured on its tourism brochure.
Slow down.
Over there. What is that?
I don't know.
I'm pullin' in, see if I can't fish it out.
[ Grunts ] Let's see here.
Come here.
[ Grunts ] Just a second. We'll get there.
Whoa! What are you doin'? It's not like you haven't seen all this before.
We can wait around here all day, or I can jump in and see what it is.
Turn around. Turn around!
So you're just gonna jump in? You're not even gonna let-
Yeah, I'm goin' in. [ Chuckles ] You never changed. Turn around!
What, do you think a 40-foot croc's gonna get me?
There’s always hope. [ Laughs ]
What is that?
Whoa! [ Gasping ]
Τillman? Oh, it used to be.
Emma, you get out of there right now. Come on!
Come on. Come on.
Up you go. There you go.
There you go. Careful. All right, Emma.
Come on. [ Panting ]
Now do you believe it's a giant crocodile?
[ Emma ] Doesn't mean anything, Frank. It's just another piece of the puzzle.
Piece of the puzzle? We got his foot, we got his arm, and now we got his head!
What other pieces do you need? Mills, shut up!
You're not being any help. We're all on the same team here.
Come on. Let's go talk to... Crazy Sadie.
♪ I know I'm gonna make mistakes ♪
♪ ♪ [ Continues ] All right. We finally made it.
That was some shortcut, genius.
Hey, we made it, didn't we? Yeah, Mike.
You're a regular Ferdinand Magellan.
Hmm. The water looks great.
Absolutely.
♪ Make this dance last all night ♪
Don't get any big ideas, sport.
She gets her own tent.
Okay!
♪ To your bedroom ♪
♪ To your bedroom ♪ ♪
[ Chuckles ]
Must be hard for a sweet old lady to live out here all by herself.
Sadie's not that sweet, and she's definitely no lady.
You are right about the "old" part though.
Why don't you let me talk to her?
Be my guest, Emma. All right.
[ Knocking ]
[ Knocking Continues ]
Hi. Mrs. Sadie Bickerman?
I'm Emma Warner from Fish and Wildlife, and I'm so sorry to bother you, but I was just wondering, can we come in and ask you a few questions?
Fish and Wildlife? Mm-hmm.
Hasn’t been a lick of livestock on this property since I lost my sister.
Unless you got some answers for me on that, why in the world would I wanna talk to you jerks?
[ Door Slams Shut ] Oh.
Um-I didn't know.
What? I'm-I'm sorry.
Can we just come in for a minute? We won't be long.
You're right.
You won't.
[ Chuckles ] Wow. You're great with the elderly.
You wanna try? Be my guest.
This is Sheriff Riley, Sadie. Open up.
I'm sorry. Wasn't I clear enough, Sheriff?
Sadie, we found a man's head about 200 yards off your dock.
Wanted to know if you had any information about it.
I'm an old lady.
Unless you think I chopped off some poor sap's melon-
[ Chuckling ] I don't know how I can help.
You can start by telling us anything you know about any crocodiles... wandering into the freshwater of our lake.
I understand that your sister had quite a history with crocs.
Don't you mention my sister. I don't know squat.
Till you get yourself a warrant, you can go piss up a rope, Columbo!
That was great. Get lost, Barney Miller!
Crazy Sadie knows something, I can feel it.
Well, she's right. We can't search her place without a warrant.
Yeah, but she can't stop us from searching the lake.
♪ ♪ [ Rock On Radio ]
[ Both Giggling ]
Ouch! [ Groans ]
What's wrong?
Uh, nothin'. I'm just really hot.
I think I'm gonna come in and take a swim.
Well, hurry up then.
Oh, boy.
[ Giggling Continues ]
[ Screams ]
[ Screaming ] [ Chuckles ]
Very funny. I'll be right there.
Sharon?
Sharon? Edi? Come on, now. This isn't funny.
[ Barking ]
Daisy, no! Stop it!
Gosh, I'm sorry about that. She's very territorial.
No worries. It's healthy to get your heart rate up, right?
Yeah. Beats the treadmill, right? You're Sheriff Riley's son.
Yeah, unfortunately.
Hi. I'm... Scott.
I'm Kerri. This morning, your dad said you had something to tell me.
What? No, no, no. He's just-Ignore him. It's-
You okay? Yeah, yeah, I'm cool.
You're far from cool, buddy. Shut up, Thad.
Scott, this is Thad.
Look like you almost wet your pants there, pal.
Trust me, nothing in this Podunk town's gonna make me wet my pants.
Oh, yeah? Where are you from?
I live in Newton just outside of Boston with my mom.
Oh, I love Boston. I just got accepted to B.C.
But I haven't decided if I'm gonna go there or Northeastern, so-
I think she should stay someplace close to home.
Yeah, well, it's not really your decision.
Uh, Boston is awesome. I mean, I wish I could've stayed there for the summer, but-
You know, since my folks split, my dad thought I should come up here.
Scott's dad is Sheriff Riley. No way!
Doesn't that gay-ass have anything better to do than bust up all our parties?
No, don't worry.
I know he's a buzz k*ll.
A bunch of us are gonna go hike over the other side of the lake.
Camp overnight. If you wanna come, you're more than welcome.
Uh, sure. Definitely.
Baby, when did you become chairman of the welcoming committee?
Don't be a jerk, okay? The least we can do is show him... that we're not a bunch of hicks around here.
You got any more beers in your bag, or is your daddy gonna arrest us?
I'm not worried about it.
Okay, great. It's settled. So let's go meet up with Rachel and Larry.
We'll grab our gear.
[ Barking ]
Daisy.
[ Sadie ] Gosh.
So many visitors this time of day, you'd think this old lady was running a brothel.
Oh, come on now. Sexy at 70 is what I'd say.
Well, aren't you the charmer?
It's true. You have very beautiful eyes, and eyes have no age.
Now, Mrs. Bickerman-
Oh, call me Sadie. Well then, now, Sadie, let's start right at the beginning, and you tell me everything those folks said.
Oh, there those little rascals go.
They get riled up this time of day.
That reminds me.
I promised I'd make you a snack.
Oh, no, don't worry. I'm fine. I just have a few questions.
Just sit right there. Be back in a jiffy.
I'm not really hungry, Sadie.
Who said anything about it being your snack? What's that?
Out! Get out closer to the edge.
You'll get a much better shot.
[ Shutter Clicking ]
What the hell is that? [ Screams ]
Ηuh.
Guess he really wasn't hungry.
So what now, James?
We drag the lake, see if we can't find the rest of his friend.
You think you're gonna find him, huh?
I bet you anything he's in the stomach of that crocodile.
[ Emma ] Frank!
Don't panic. Come on.
Hey. Come on. Help!
Come on. We just hit a rock. The rock's not gonna bite you.
Get out of there. Come on. [ Frank Yelling ]
[ Laughing ] You're being- Right up here.
All right, all right. Frank! Oh!
Get Mills a towel, would ya? Come on. Get up.
Frank, you're being ridiculous. I'm telling you, a local gossip and a superstitious old lady... still don't make a giant, man-eating crocodile.
What?
[ James ] Emma!
Emma, swim to me now!
[ Growling ]
[ Gasping ] Come on! Can you swim?
Yeah. Swim.
Come on! Come on! Hurry up!
Hurry up! Come on! Let's go! There it is!
No crocodiles in Maine, huh?
That’s gotta be the biggest animal I've ever seen.
[ Frank ] Great. Tourists.
It's not a tourist.
How well do you know this guy?
I caught him poaching some endangered bobcats a couple years back... up near the Canadian border.
Just a typical greedy industrialist.
Only this one fancies himself a great white hunter.
His ego's twice as big as that crocodile.
Hi. [ Sighs ]
Emma. [ Chuckles ]
Never fancied you for the wet Τ-shirt type. [ Snickering ]
Good to see our tax dollars hard at work.
What are you doing here, Struthers?
Well, I got a tip from a local there might be somethin' worth killin' in this lake.
The tip didn't happen to come from a local weasel by the name of Cal Miner, did it?
Perhaps you should be grateful to that weasel.
From the looks of things, the cavalry got here just in the nick of time.
Tell you what. You can park your plane there for $40 a day.
We don't take Visa, we don't take MasterCard. Oh, by the way, Emma, did you get them bobcat kabobs I sent you?
Oh! [ Chuckles ]
She likes me.
Yeah.
Are we close yet? 'Cause my feet are totally k*lling me.
Rachel, when I told you to wear appropriate shoes, strappy sandals weren't what I had in mind.
Vogue says these are totally appropriate for summer.
Whatever. This is so lame.
You know I'll rub 'em if you want.
I'll rub the rest of you too. Seriously, Larry, I wouldn't let you rub my feet even if you were the C.E.O. of Prada.
Your loss.
This is it, suckers. Check it out! [ Laughs ]
This is sweet! ♪♪ [ Rock ]
♪ She never wants to feel that way again ♪
♪ With every second that keeps ticking ♪
♪ It keeps on crawling underneath her skin ♪ ♪ Oh! Hey, check this out, Larry.
[ Larry ] What? No, right here. Come here.
What? Come here. Check this out right here.
What? Right here. Closer.
What? You see right there?
I don't see anything. Just in the-
[ Laughing ]
Man, my bad. I guess there was nothing there.
Oh! Way to go, butt-head! What am I supposed to wear now?
[ Yelling ]
Uh, Scott, could you give me a hand? I can't get my back.
Uh, yeah.
Sure.
Hey, looks like Boston boy's makin' a move on your girl.
Ah, he can have her.
So are you guys gonna go in?
Um, no, I don't wanna get my hair wet.
I'm just gonna lay out. I bronze amazingly.
Come on, Scott. Last one in's gotta pitch the tent.
[ Thad ] Uh, Larry's already pitching a tent.
[ Kerri ] Yeah, I can tell by the way you guys are wrestling around in the water.
Uh, no, baby. This is all for you, sweetheart. You're a pig.
So, come on, Scott. What do you say? Comin' in?
Uh-
No, I'm- I'm not in the mood.
Afraid you're gonna get your hair wet?
No, I'm just not a big fan of the water.
He can keep me company.
Come on, baby! Whoo-hoo!
Um- [ Thad ] Hey, come on, man!
I'm gonna go for a walk, check things out a little bit.
[ Rachel ] Suit yourself.
Hey, Sheriff.
Thanks for comin' out so quick, Dale.
I brought exactly what you told me to.
Heck of a lot of heat in this puppy.
What are you plannin' on, uh, blowin', uh-
What is all this then? Oh.
We gotta have a talk. Huh.
This thing really work? Dale.
Unload the boat.
You know what, Ahmad? I think I'd like it better if the flap of the tent was facing east.
That way, I get a good view of the mornin' sunrise.
Actually, boss, you don't want the opening facing uphill in case it rains.
No, it's all right. Do it my way.
Struthers, we've decided to close the lake. That means no camping.
Of course, you and your little pal there... are always welcome to check into any one of our lovely B and B's in town.
You're not gonna run us into jail now, are you, Sheriff?
I mean, it'd be a terrific waste of manpower, especially when you got this giant crocodile on the loose.
Why don't you just get out of here?
I'm sure there are a bunch of unemployed 10-year-olds in Asia you could be exploiting.
Come on now, Emma. You're not still holdin' a grudge about them silly bobcats, are you?
There were 148 of those silly bobcats left on the entire planet.
Now there are 146, thanks to you.
Can you leave it go? I paid the fines.
Everything's not all about the bottom line.
Well, then the bottom line is if I didn't come along at the time I did, you'd still be an endangered species.
I hope you didn't think you could just fly in here and k*ll an animal... that may very well be the last remaining one of its kind.
Well, of course I can. Isn't that right, Sheriff?
[ James Sighs ] Afraid it's not my call. It's Emma's jurisdiction.
All I can do is ask you to show me permits for all the firepower you brought along.
Ahmad has all the paperwork you need.
Good. That's great.
You're not gonna be able to use it. We're doing this the humane way.
We're gonna trap it and bring it in alive.
Do you wanna help me?
Well, that's brilliant. I can see us all holding hands... in the belly of the beast singing Give Peace a Chance.
[ Emma ] Oh, please, shut up!
I think she really likes me, Ahmad.
Whoa!
[ Sighs ] Damn it!
What the f- [ Rustling ]
"Crocodiles bite down into the flesh of a victim...
"and roll over and over until the disoriented prey drowns or bleeds to death.
It's called a 'death roll."'
Sounds like something to avoid. Oh, yeah.
Well, you know, they're perfect killin' machines.
And get this. "It wedges the body of its victim... into an underwater pantry for future consumption."
Well, when we're through here, we'll have plenty of crocodile steaks in our pantry, eh?
Boots and belts too. [ Chuckles ]
I got a question for the two of youse.
Let me ask you this, geniuses.
What are you plannin' on usin' for bait?
[ Sighs ] Sorry about this, baby.
[ Frank ] You're kidding. That's your bait?
Come on. [ Grunts ]
There’s no way this is gonna work. Come on, Dale.
Crocodiles eat turtles. Looked it up in Struthers's book. Get in there.
He's one heck of a turtle.
I don't like this plan. They growed up in a hole like this.
Dale, would you be quiet?
Well, now, that is absolutely brilliant.
You do realize the thing has eaten a human being, don't you?
That’s right. Get in there, Struthers.
Suppose you'd prefer if we just lobbed in a land mine?
Nah, it's way too messy. Besides, where's the sport in that?
[ Rope Swishing ] [ Groans ]
[ Pig Squealing ] Oh! Anybody keepin' kosher?
No, no, no, no! Don't even think about it. Struthers!
Can you help me get this thing out of here before it hurts itself?
We'll get it. Dale, hand me- hand me the stick.
Dale! Just-
Thank you. Just be careful. Don't hurt it.
Yeah, I-I won't.
All right. Let's see. One.
Can you reach it? No. And two. One more.
It's okay. Ready?
[ Growling ]
Dale, hand me the tranq g*n. Yes, sir.
Come on! Tranq g*n, right now!
You can't just spray and pray. You gotta know what you're sh**t' at.
[ Growling Continues ]
[ Growling Stops ]
I think you got him, Sheriff.
Whew! What now?
[ Growling ] [ Both Gasp ]
[ All Gasping ]
Wait! Stop!
You k*lled it!
No, I think the tranquilizer's just taken effect.
Come on. Let's tie up its snout. I don't think we'll have much time.
Let me do that. It's okay. I got it.
This here's man's work, sweetheart. Okay.
Dale, be careful.
Don't worry, sir. I got it covered.
This here's what we call a four-point granny. [ Chuckles ]
I learned it in the Boy Scouts.
Not so tough now, are ya?
Whoa! Hot damn! [ Screams ]
[ Screaming ]
Oh!
[ Screaming Continues ]
Well, so much for the humane thing. Now it's my turn.
Me first.
Mine's bigger. It's all in how you use it.
So what do you say now, Miss Warner?
You still wanna make friends with it?
Ah. Thought you'd come around sooner or later.
Too bad for your friends it was later.
What do you say, Ahmad? Let's strap up and go k*ll us a croc.
I thought you knew what you were doing. I do know what I'm doing... if you would just let me do it. Well, figure it out.
[ Thad ] Get the one over there.
[ Chuckling ] Oh, baby. Hey, sweetheart.
Please don't burn my fun bags.
Larry, don't be such a stupid American.
All the beaches in Europe are topless.
We are so going there. Yes, we are.
Guys, come quick. Seriously, you guys gotta come check this out.
Scott, what is it? Just come on!
[ Rachel ] I'm over nature time. Have a ball. I'll go with you.
Well, I'm comin' too then.
Don't mind me, guys. I'm gonna make sure... my little monkeys there don't get toasty.
Would you believe me if I told you I'm completely rich? Filthy?
[ James ] Where'd you find- Ahmad, is it?
Yeah, me one-man army. In the Sudan, I was on safari.
Heard about this lion that was terrorizing a small village.
k*lled 16 natives.
I went looking for it, but I couldn't find anything for two weeks.
Then one night, I hear this wild screaming from the brush.
Ahmad had found it gnawing on his mother's throat.
And even though he was barely a teenager, he jumped on it with his bare hands.
Put up a hell of a fight. So that's where he got the scars, huh?
I don't suppose there's any unsolved crime in your town, is there, Sheriff?
I don't suppose there's any more to your story, is there? Afraid so.
All right. Anyhow, I heard the commotion.
I run on in and k*ll the beast, and Ahmad's been with me ever since.
He comes in very handy when there's a bit of dirty work to be done.
Sounds to me like you're taking advantage of the situation.
All set, boss.
There it is. I've never seen anything like it before.
What is it, girls' panties? [ Chuckles ]
Funny stuff. You should take your act on the road.
Maybe open up for Jeff Foxworthy.
I wish. That guy's hilarious.
So, where is it? It's right there.
Holy shit!
It's creepy. It looks like a grave or something.
Totally. Let's check it out up close.
Uh, I think that's a bad idea.
Yeah, Thad, I agree. I think we should get out of here.
You both do what you want. I'm checkin' it out.
Come on, you sissies.
Franchi, SPAS12.
Sporting purpose a*t*matic shotgun.
SPAS12. That's what they call an acronym.
I know what an acronym is, Struthers.
You never cease to amaze me, Sheriff. [ Chuckles ]
Anyway, I dropped a black bear in Montana with this.
Six rounds at close range, and it fell like a sack of... nails.
You know, I never quite understood the whole "sport of the hunting" thing.
I prefer sports where my opponent knows they're playing.
Ah.
That’s a nice g*n. What the heck is that?
This, my friend, is a Milkor MGL-140 grenade launcher.
Hit point targets from 200 feet, area targets from 400, and it doesn't matter whether you're drunk or sober.
After seeing what we're up against, that little baby just might come in handy.
Oh, yeah. Here.
Emma.
Hey. You all right?
You gotta snap out of it, girl.
You made a call. You did what you thought was right.
I k*lled them.
Sure, they're- they're dead.
They got chewed up into little pieces.
But they knew what was going on when they went in.
They chose to do it anyway. Come on. It's not your fault.
Look, the important thing right now... is that we stop this thing before it kills either one of us.
Right?
It wouldn't be a bad idea to make sure that...
Struthers and his pal don't destroy this entire lake in the process.
There’s still some good fish in this lake.
[ Chuckles ]
Come on.
[ Chuckles ]
Dumb dog.
[ Rachel ] I told you to stay away from my feet, Larry!
You freakin' perv.
Rachel, that's not me!
[ Snorting ] [ Screaming ]
No! No! [ Roaring ]
[ Screams ] Larry!
Larry!
Help me! I'm trying!
[ Screaming ]
Oh, my God! Oh! [ Screaming Continues ]
Rachel, I'm sorry!
[ Panting ]
Help! Help! [ Panting ]
Did you two have a nice, romantic walk?
You have to get my boat that bloody?
You want your crocodile dead, you let Ahmad do what he does best.
He learned from the best. I've already got one mangled boat to account for, not to mention a deputy's family I've gotta deliver some bad news to.
Tell you what. I'll pay the damages to your boat.
As to your deputy, well, that's your problem. I'll tell you what.
I'm responsible for that boat, so I'm gonna drive it. Don't touch it.
Whatever you say, Sheriff. Just stay out of Ahmad's way.
You about ready? I'd love to get this over with tonight... so we can fly out of this dump.
Don't know, boss.
Something about this one doesn't seem right.
We will not leave this place. Ahmad, come on now. You must be jokin'.
We've been in a hell of a lot worse places than this.
Remember them hammerheads down in Ecuador? Or those snakeheads in-
What was that miserable place? Baltimore. This is different.
Real big, real smart, fast on water and on land.
Well, we just bring it to the surface, let it wear itself out, and bring the plane in.
We get one clean k*ll shot, and it's over. We'll be fine.
Here. [ Chuckles ]
What do you think built this thing?
Probably a witch.
Wait, don't turn around. She's right behind you.
Shut up, stupid. [ Laughs ]
Shut up, Thad. [ Laughing ]
There’s a bunch more in there.
They look like... eggs of some kind.
Maybe you should put 'em back. You're crazy.
I've never seen an egg like this.
No, maybe he's right. Maybe we should put 'em back.
Kerri, put it back, please.
Okay, what kind of egg is it, smart guy?
A chicken. I-I don't know. A lizard or a snake or something.
Thad, don't!
Yeah. Not smart.
Wait. I think I know what kind of egg it is.
Scrambled.
[ Laughing ] Kerri, I'm out of here.
Oh, what's up? You scared, city boy?
Eggs ain't gonna hurt ya. No.
But whatever laid it might, you dumb hick.
Don't start something you can't finish.
It'll be your darkest hour. Stop it, Thad.
You're being such a juvenile.
Oh, I get it.
This turd rolls into town, and suddenly I'm a big prick?
You want her, Scotty boy, take her. I don't need no chick telling me what's what.
Besides, she's gonna head off to college... and leave me for some study buddy or somethin' anyways.
[ Growling ]
Oh, sorry. Are you gonna run and tell its mama?
Or are you gonna call your daddy, the sheriff, so he can arrest me?
Thad, don't turn around. There’s a giant crocodile behind you.
Crocs in this lake? Real funny.
I'm not kidding.
You must think I'm an idiot. Okay.
So there's a giant crocodile behind me?
I'm-I'm real scared. Could you guys go get me a tissue?
I think I'm gonna cry.
[ Roars ] [ Gasps ]
Hey, hey! [ Whimpering ]
Hey, hey!
Hang on to me!
[ Screaming ]
[ Screaming Continues ] Let's go! Run!
Kerri, come on! [ Sobbing ]
What happened? What is that thing?
My guess is whatever laid those eggs. She is not happy.
This is Captain Jack Struthers, your eye in the sky.
I have no visual confirmation.
How about you, sonar? [ Sonar Pinging ]
I don't have anything either.
Just makin' sure you're still awake. I can't do this all by myself.
Struthers a pretty good pilot?
No, not really.
He's failed every flight test known to man.
He's crashed three times already.
Once was even into an elementary school.
Poor kids.
Basically, he's the last person on the earth who should be flying a plane.
What?
It was nothing.
Wait. I got it. It's moving fast towards the boat.
It's coming right up behind you. James, turn the boat around. And be careful.
Did you hear that, Ahmad? Be ready.
Wait. I lost it. I lost it.
Ahmad, I thought I told you to check everything.
I did. It was working fine.
Yeah, well, obviously you didn't.
What are you waitin' for? Do it!
[ Pinging Continues ] Wait. It-It's slowing down. It's slowing down.
They need air. Let the thing wear itself out.
I'll get it when it comes back up to the surface.
[ Emma ] Wait. I lost it.
I lost it. Must've ripped itself free.
It's 1,500-pound line. It's impossible.
Line snapped clean. Harpoon must still be in him.
[ Pinging Continues ]
I think you better get another harpoon ready.
[ Struthers On Radio ] There he is. Ahmad, stand down.
I paid for this operation. I get the k*ll shot.
No, boss, we got it.
Here it comes.
Play all the games you want. I'm coming for you, you scaly little bastard.
I'm comin' in to lure it away. I'll be taking the k*ll shot.
[Ahmad ] No, boss! I'm locking in on my shot now. What is he doing?
It's gonna try to ram us. sh**t it. sh**t it!
What the hell was that?
Damn fool.
Jump!
[ Gasping ]
[ Groans ]
[ Growling ] [ Gasping ]
[ Yelling ]
[ Struthers ] ♪ And there comes a time ♪ This is all I could salvage from my second boat.
I guess we can use it as firewood.
So you lost two boats. I lost a plane, and you don't hear me whinging.
Well, in case you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly... the sheriff of Manhattan here, Struthers.
Losin' two boats is gonna put quite a crimp in my town's finances.
Well, I'll pay for your boats.
Really? Yeah.
Call it a donation. I can always use the write-off.
I'll have Ahmad cut you a check. Well, thanks.
It looks like Ahmad likes to cut things anyway.
That head's gonna look fantastic on me wall.
[ Emma ] Don't you think it should go on Ahmad's wall?
He was the one who actually k*lled it.
Well, one thing I know is that thing won't be eatin' any of us anymore.
That’s the important thing, isn't it? Right. I forgot.
You came here to save lives. You're a big hero.
I mean, I particularly like the part... where you pretended to cry when the croc came after you.
That was really brave. [ Chuckling ]
[ Laughing ]
Ahmad, you wanna hurry up with them steaks before the fire goes out?
You know what?
You should smoke one of these. Best thing you ever tasted.
It smells good. Well, it ought to.
$500 per box.
Of course, you know what would go really well with a good cigar?
Just a wee bit of scotch.
Well, if you're gonna have a wee bit of scotch, I think I could forgo the open container violation.
Ahmad, dig out that Johnnie Walker Blue, would you?
Hmm? Ahmad?
[ Ahmad ] Get it yourself. Beg your pardon?
You have a very poor way of showing gratitude.
Gratitude? Oi. I keep you employed.
Employed? For years, I've waited on you.
I've cooked and I've cleaned and I've k*lled for you.
And never once, a single "thank you."
Mm-hmm. Well, need I remind you... that if it wasn't for me, you'd still be a lion's dinner.
I saved your life, so don't talk to me about gratitude.
Oh, I remember that lion. I remember that lion very well, but not because it took you four sh*ts to hit it at point-blank range, including this one and this one.
I remember that lion because you've reminded me of it every day... for the past 14 years of my life.
Well, this ends today.
My debt to you is paid... in full.
I wish you good luck in finding a new employee.
Yeah, go on. Fine. Don't need youse anyway.
Well, I'm turning in for the night.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Thunderclap ]
Tell me something, Struthers. How long you and Ahmad been married?
[ Sighs ]
I'm sure your view of the sunset will be worth it tomorrow.
How about being a sport and helpin' us out for old time's sake?
How about you re-pitch your tent in the lake? Might be drier.
[ Laughing ]
You think it's really necessary for you to be enjoying yourself so much?
Maybe now you'll have some respect for the next man who does your dirty jobs.
[ Grunting ]
Ah!
[ Struthers ] Well, I hope you're nice and cozy in there!
Yes. Very comfortable, thank you.
Son of a bitch! g*dd*mn-
[ Snarling ]
Can we stop for a break?
I think we should try and get as far away from the lake as possible.
Scott, we don't even know where we are.
We've been wandering around for hours.
All right. Let's try to find a hiding spot, okay?
[ Growling ]
[ Scott ] You comfortable?
Besides being soaking wet, freezing cold... and hungry enough to eat an entire Hometown Buffet?
Yeah. I'm doing excellent.
Yeah, that was... kind of a stupid question, huh?
No. It was sweet.
Thanks. Hey, it could be worse.
How?
I could be out here all by myself.
[ Rustling ] [ Both Gasp ]
[ Grunts, Whimpers ]
Oh, God! Thank God it's you guys! Larry!
[ Sobbing ] Where's Rachel? Is she okay?
She didn't make it. Where's Thad?
Oh, my God! We're gonna die, man!
Listen. We're gonna make it.
But we can't freak out. We gotta keep moving. Come on.
[ Soft Growling ] [ Murmurs ] Don't.
[ Snarls ]
Ahma- Ahmad! Ahmad!
Ahmad! [ Screams ] Ahmad!
[ Screaming ]
Come on!
Come on. Go! [ Growling ]
[ Knife Blow Lands ] Ahmad, come on!
[ Growling ]
[ Groans ]
[ Shouts ]
[ Grunting ] James!
[ Grunting ]
[ Growling ]
[ Screams ] James!
[ Screaming ]
Ahmad, hang on.
He's gone.
[ Exhales ]
Wh-Where's Ahmad?
[ Owl Hooting ]
It's okay. I'm pretty sure owls have never eaten anybody.
Yeah? How do you know? I didn't think there was alligators up in Maine either.
Actually, I think it's a crocodile.
I heard rumors that one got lost up here several years ago.
♪ ♪ [ Rock, Faint ]
[ James On Radio ] Hello. Sheriff Riley. Anybody there? Come in.
Sheriff. Sheriff. I'm here. I'm here. How you holdin' up? Ah, it's not goin' so good.
Another one of those darn crocodiles out here just took out Struthers's man.
Listen. Would you please get on the phone and talk to Mike Hobson Jr.?
Tell him we can't wait around for him anymore. We need that boat A.S.A.P.
Will do.
Oh, and, Sheriff. What?
Uh, I almost forgot. Scott called earlier today. He said to tell you... he's going camping with some friends tonight at the lake.
I haven't heard from him since.
I thought I told you to close the lake. Nobody's supposed to be on the lake.
Yeah. I wasn't entirely sure what-what you meant by that.
When I get back to the office, I'm gonna throw a dart at you. Over.
Over. Damn it!
What's up?
My son is out there somewhere on the lake with his friends. I gotta go find him.
Well, might as well bring some firepower.
Bring your acronym.
My what?
B.Y.A.
Oh.
Probably went to the campground over by Crazy Sadie's.
[ Growling In Distance ]
[ Gasps ] Oh. Uh-Cr-Cr-
[ Gasping ]
What do we do?
Run. Don't.
It's too fast. It'll catch us. What do we do then?
We go up. You f*ckin' kiddin' me?
[ Snarling ]
[ Snarls ]
[ Growling ]
Scott, watch out! Scott!
[ Kerri ] Hurry! Move your leg!
Scott! Come on!
Come on! Come on! Go! Go!
Get up here! Keep going!
[ Growls ]
[ Clanging ] [ Struthers ] What is that?
[ Emma ] I thought you shut down the lake.
[ James ] Yeah, I did shut down the lake. We're going to Sadie Bickerman's house, find out exactly what we're up against.
[ Clanging Continues ]
[ Clanging ]
[ James ] Sadie!
I need to talk to you.
You're a little late, Sheriff.
Did you get that warrant?
Or did you just come by to take a peek at an old lady in a nightie?
Look. I don't have time for your games. I've got some questions. I need some straight answers.
Well, unless you're arresting me, all I got for you is nothing.
Have it your way, Sadie. You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.
I already told ya. I don't know anything about this crocodile business.
Sadie!
I already told you. I have some questions, and I need some damn answers from you.
I'd ask you all in for a nightcap, but I think you'd all look better in a dunce cap.
Listen, Sadie. For crying out loud-
This is serious. People’s lives are at stake.
Too bad you can't talk to my sister. I heard she had quite a history with crocodiles.
Sadie, my son is out there right now somewhere with his friends.
My son, Sadie. Please. Maybe I know a little something.
That’s great. Anything you can tell us will help.
Somebody tell Trixie to shut her cake hole before I change my mind.
[ Sighs ] Emma.
There are three of 'em. [ Exhales ]
Okay? Three of 'em.
There’s Max.
I named him after my late husband, 'cause he was always hungry like Max was.
[ Sighs ] Then there's, um, George Jr., named after the president 'cause he was slow too.
And the last one was big girl, Martha.
Martha Stewart.
Pretty tough bird in her own right.
How do you know she's female?
She got a mean streak I ain't ever seen in no man.
Also-
[ Whispers ] I caught George Jr.... trying to stick it to her one night on the shore.
I wonder which one of these darlings Ahmad took out.
Struthers. Pardon me?
I just said, um, they're adorable names.
Cram it, fancy-pants.
You think I'm some dumb cluck?
I know what you're trying to do to them. Sadie, Sadie, Sadie, Sadie.
Tell me, uh, what have you- what have you been-what have you been feeding these things?
[ Snarls ]
[ Growls ]
What is it?
It's nothing. Go back to sleep.
Oh, my gosh. That's vile.
Don't tell me you're one of those vegetarians.
No. That meat is pumped so full of growth hormones, I'm surprised those crocs are still alive.
Well, I can't afford three tons of Kobe beef a month.
My Social Security checks ain't what they used to be.
This is all you've been feeding 'em, Sadie? Beef rejected by the F.D.A.?
[ Sadie ] Pretty much. I've noticed they've been a lot hungrier lately.
Yesterday Martha ate a big rat off my dock.
We gotta go out and find those kids.
Sadie, listen. Uh, I want to thank you for giving me this information.
I know it- it couldn't have been easy for you. I'm-
When I do what it is I have to do, I promise I'll be as humane as possible.
Good luck.
My babies sure as hell won't be so humane with you.
[ Birds Chirping ]
Larry.
Come on, dude. Wake up.
Larry! Wake up, dude.
It's your turn to be lookout.
Yeah. Okay. Fine.
[ Yawns ]
Keep your eyes peeled for that thing.
Wake us up if it goes back into the lake.
I know. I'm not stupid.
If you say so.
[ James ] Oh, no. Scott! Scott!
Wait a minute. That’s not Scott. I recognize that sneaker.
That’s Thaddeus, old man Sanders's boy.
Poor kid. Oh, my God.
What is this thing?
It's a nest. Which means mama croc is nearby, and she's territorial, and she's hungry, and she's ticked.
Sounds like the ex-wife. That's not funny.
We need to get these eggs out of here as soon as possible before they hatch.
Let's split up. Struthers, stay here with Emma. Help her get the eggs out.
Get 'em out? I think we should blow 'em up. Not a chance.
We need to get these eggs out of here and back to the lab as soon as possible.
Well, whatever the hell it is you do, do it in a hurry.
Okay. We'll meet you back at the campsite. You go find Scott. All right.
Give me the grenade launcher.
Give me the grenade launcher!
You two be careful. You hear me?
Yeah.
[ James ] Scott?
[ Birds Chirping ]
[ Snoring ]
Larry, you okay?
[ Laughing ]
Don't worry, guys. I'm fine.
Yo, this ground is really soft.
[ Whispers ] Larry, don't move.
That’s not the ground.
What the heck are you talkin' about?
Don't do that.
[ Murmuring ]
[ Whimpers ]
[ Whimpering ] Oh, shit!
Run! [ Growling ]
[ Screaming ] [ Gasps ]
[ Screaming ] Oh, my God!
[ Screaming Continues ] No!
Scott? [ Screaming Continues ]
Anybody? Can you hear me?
[ Growling Softly ]
Now's our chance. If we hop down and run, we can make it to the road before it gets back.
Then we're home free. I'm not going down there. No way.
We can't stay up here forever. Who knows when help's gonna get here?
It's now or never. You think we can make it?
Yeah. Okay.
You first. All right. Keep an eye out.
Okay. Come on.
Wait. It's still here. [ Gasps ]
[ Roars ]
[ Growling ]
Run into the woods, on three.
What if it catches us? It won't.
[ Gasps ] I'm scared, Scott. Don't be. Ready?
One, two, three!
[ Barking ] [ Growls ]
Daisy! Don't!
Wait. She'll be okay.
We gotta run now! [ Snarls ]
What about Daisy? We'll come back for her.
[ Barking ]
[ Groans ] Scott!
[ Growling ]
[ James ] Scott!
Get down.
You two okay?
[ Both Panting ]
Yeah. Yeah. We're fine, but-but Thad and- Yeah. I know. I saw him.
Thought for a second he was you. Is there anybody else out here with ya?
Long story. Tell me on the way out of here. We gotta-
We gotta leave. There's still another one of those damn things around here somewhere. Come on.
[ Birds Chirping ]
[ Groans ]
This nest would explain their sudden aggression.
Protecting the young is serious business.
Well, that's-that's truly fascinatin'.
But right now I'm more concerned with the serious business of protecting me own arse.
So let's finish this up, huh?
[ Sighs ] Here. Let me give you a hand with that.
[ Groans ] Oh. You all right?
Me knee. It's an old injury.
Hunting? Uh, tango lessons, actually.
Sadie. Open up.
Hi. You must be Sheriff Jr.
Guess you didn't get eaten.
You know your dad's a dumb doofus, don't ya?
[ Chuckles ] Yeah.
He’s a nice boy, Sheriff. Thank-Thanks.
Focus. Listen. I need these two to stay here until backup arrives.
And I need to go get something out of your freezer. Thank you.
Pretty soon I'm gonna have to start charging you rent.
Send the bill to the state. Come on in.
[ Sighs ] Just make sure you wipe your feet before-
Oh! Lord.
[ Sighing ] Oh. Oh, Lord. Look out.
Raised in a barn?
[ Coughing ] God. Come on in.
Wait. Dad. Please, let me help you.
I don't have time to explain this to you again right now, Son.
What if you don't make it back? Then what?
If anything were to happen to you out there, I'd never be able to forgive myself.
It'd be a hell of a lot worse than me not making it back.
[ Chuckles ]
Look. You-
You saved Kerri's life. I'm real proud of ya.
You gotta stay here. You gotta take care of her.
She needs you right now a whole lot more than I do.
Besides, I think she kind of likes ya.
[ Chuckles ]
She does like me, doesn't she?
Somebody's gettin' older.
Somebody's gettin' smarter. [ Chuckles ]
I'll see ya, Son.
Dad. Yes.
Good luck.
Good luck to you too.
Are you sure this is a good idea?
I mean, I think we was pretty well situated back at the campsite.
Well, can you see the nest? [ Exhales ]
No. But I can see the sheriff. Riley! Over here.
I got this out of Sadie's freezer to use as bait.
Kids'll be safe there.
[ Exhales ] What the hell you doin' here? I thought I told you to wait back at the camp.
Well, Struthers was gonna get up high enough to see the nest, but-
Come on, Struthers. Stop loafing. Get up there.
Come on. I got a plan.
Happy climbing, Struthers.
He's got a plan.
Well, I'm sure it's better than yours.
[ James ] A good Scout always has a plan "B."
So, do you really think it's gonna eat one of these things?
It doesn't actually have to eat one of these things. It just has to get... close enough so that I can ruin its day when I push this button.
[ Chuckles ]
Besides, anything's better than hoping Struthers gets off a good shot, right?
[ Chuckles ] Come on.
Thank you. I didn't know anybody lived out here.
Yeah. Just me.
But I get visitors from time to time.
[ Groans ] Must get lonely.
Do you have any kids?
Could say so.
Two of them died recently.
They were good boys.
I loved them a whole lot.
Three of my friends died out there.
They were eaten by these big ugly monsters.
Ugly? Is that so?
Yeah.
You should have seen 'em.
Big, nasty creatures.
They were vicious.
Ah. [ Chuckles ] Pretty young girls.
Ηmm?
Nothing, dear. Scott.
Will you do an old lady a favor?
Sure.
I don't like it out here. I want to go back inside.
She's right. It's probably safer inside your house, Mrs. Bickerman.
Okay. Don't be such wusses.
I want to show Kerri something.
Then we'll head back in.
Look. Look. See?
Those are white perch.
Excitable little things, aren't they?
I don't really like fish.
I want to go back inside now. Okay? No, no. Don't go.
Just wait a minute. No! Please!
Let go of me! Let go of me! Wait, wait.
Let go!
[ Sadie ] k*ll my children, will you? [ Kerri ] Get off me! Get off!
Get off!
Help! Let go!
Kerri, look out!
[ Screams ]
[ Growling ]
[ Growling Stops ]
There’s four of 'em.
[ Rustling ] [ Gasps ]
[ Exhales ]
I hate that rabbit.
[ Soft Chirping ]
The eggs are making a weird noise.
No, no. I read about that. Uh, they chirp... when they want to let the mother know they're about to hatch.
Emma. The mama crocodile's right over there. She's not gonna go to the nest.
She's gonna go right to the eggs. Get out of there.
[ Growls ]
Struthers, take a shot. I can't see.
Take a shot! I can't see!
[ Growls ]
James.
If I sh**t with this, I'm gonna blow the whole place up. Take a damn shot.
You are useless.
[ Growling ]
[ Panting ] [ Struthers ] The son of a bitch never had a chance!
I guess you got a head for your wall now, huh, Emma?
[ Panting ]
[ Groans ]
[ Laughing ]
Well, look at that. Emma and the sheriff K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
How about me? I'm swinging up here in a tree!
Nice.
Oh, well, isn't that beautiful? What a picture they make.
[ Growls ]
[ Whimpers ]
Wait here.
[ Growling ]
Say good night, Gracie.
[ Roars ]
Damn it, Scott. I thought I told you to stay back-
Bickerman lied about her crocs. There's four of 'em. Four of 'em?
[ Snarls ]
Anything happens to me, you make sure Emma gets out of here alive.
[ Growling ]
Emma, get back. I'm gonna blow this thing right into the middle of next week.
[ Growling ]
After a while, crocodile.
[ Groans ]
Dad, here.
[ James ] Hey. We're here.
Thank God.
[ Sniffs ]
[ Sighs ]
Scott. Come here.
Look. I'm gonna take, uh, Emma and these eggs to the lab. I'll probably be home pretty late.
Okay. I'm trusting you here.
Okay, okay. [ Chuckles ]
[ Engine Starts ]
[ Inhales, Exhales Deeply ]
I hope all this didn't scare you out of town.
Me? Nah.
I'm still here for the summer.
Not sure how much time I'm gonna be spending down by the lake though.
[ Chuckles ] Tell me about it.
Boston College is looking a lot more inviting now.
Not too many crocodiles on those streets.
Mostly just drunks. But don't worry. They don't bite.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Barking ]
Daisy!
Good girl. Good girl.
Wow. Dog sure knows how to milk it.
Apparently I should have faked my own death.
Scott. Kidding. Kidding.
[ Chirping ]
So, how are our passengers doing? Oh, they seem to be fine.
Just watch the bumps.
I'll watch the bumps.
How much further is this place? About two hours.
We can stop in Bangor for dinner, if you want.
Really?
So finally giving me a second chance at another date, huh?
On one condition. What's that?
No talking about ex-wives or crocodiles.
Deal?
Deal.
[ Chuckles ]
Lake Placid 2 (2007)
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