Valentine (2001)

[bunniefuu]

Shelley?

Dance with me?

In your dreams, loser.

Oh, Lily?

Wi... will you dance with me?

Eww.

Um, Paige?

W-w-would you dance with me?

I'd rather be boiled alive.

Hi, Kate.

Want to dance?

Maybe later, Jeremy.

Okay. Maybe later.

Hi, Dorothy.

Um...

Do you want to dance with me?

Come on up here.

Shh. Shh.

Check it out!

Thick and thin gettin' it on.

That's nasty.

Like it, BuffaJo? gettin' hot?

Stop it. Get away from me.

Is Pervert at it again? Perv attack you?

Yeah. Jeremy att*cked me. He att*cked me.

Pervert jumped Buffalo.

I didn't know.

Pervert.

Come on, let's get him!

Yeah!

Pound him!

Slap him in the face!

Get him!

Oh!

It's simple, really, Shelley.

You see... from an evolutionary point of view, Jason looks for an attractive young woman because he wants healthy children. and a young woman like yourself looks for a successful man like Jason... because she wants to feel safe.

Um...

Jason has some, uh, spinach in his teeth.

Oh.

Thanks.

Anyway... and so the species survives.

I mean... what else is there, really, in the end?

In the end.

Well... there's the check.

Check, please.

Yes.

Can I get you to get my car?

- Of course. Thank you.

Um...

No dessert?

Um, no. I'm sorry, I have finals.

Oh, that's too bad.

- Thank you very much. Thank you.

Whoa.

Muy expensivo.

Let's see... you had the salmon and the crab cocktail.

I had the chicken and the salad. and that would be...

Right.

Okay, well, thank you, Jason.

It was nice to meet you.

What, that's it?

What's it?

Don't I get a kiss?

Excuse me?

It's just a little frickin' kiss.

Oh, God.

Look, this "hard to get" shit doesn't play with Jason.

You know, Jason, I'm not a doctor yet, but it's my considered opinion you seek psychiatric help.

Soon.

Says you.

Jason likes your dress.

Okay, Chad, it's just you and me now.

I promise to be gentle.

Strong, silent type. How refreshing.

Okay.

Transversus abdominis.

Someone there?

Hello?

Hello?

Oh!

Oh, God.

Jesus.

Oh my God.

You scared the shit out of me.

Sorry.

Oh wow.

It's awfully late.

You gonna be okay in here all alone?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I've got Chad.

My corpse.

Oh.

Uh... well, uh...

Good luck tomorrow.

Yeah, thanks. you too.

Thanks.

"The journey of love is an arduous trek"

"My love grows for you as you bleed from your neck"

That's nice.

That's... that's really nice.

Okay.

Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Aah!

Oh...

Oh, shit.

Oh my God. Stop!

Shit.

Stop f*cking around.

Aah!

Uh... uh...

Oh!

Shit.

Aah! Aah!

No!

Aah! No!

Uh-uh.

Come on, Kate. You promised.

Paige, today at work, I wrote a column about computer monitor dust wipes.

Mm-hmm.

Isn't that enough pain for one day?

This isn't painful.

I mean, painful's blind dating.

Painful's meeting someone on the internet and finding out that 6-footish really means...

5'4" with loafers. I know.

Oh, Kate. You meet thirty guys a night.

And you get thirty seconds apiece unless you want more.

I mean, it's brilliant.

It'll be fun.

I haven't really completely broken up with Adam yet.

Oh, but you will.

Believe me, relationships don't make U-turns, and Adam's a drunk.

He's not a drunk.

He's a borderline addictive personality who happens to like alcohol a lot.

Uh-huh.

All right. Fine. Let's just do it already.

You know, my mother's family dates back to the Mayflower.

I traced it myself.

She makes her own turtlenecks.

She had nine children.

Awesome, huh?

She's, uh... she's a pretty amazing woman.

Hi.

Left me out in the g*dd*mn blue.

Says she can do better.

Says...

I don't fulfill her needs.

Sexually.

It's obvious to me... girl's gotta be a d*ke.

Greatest team... in the history of professional football.

49ers. Yee-ha!

The Bible.

The Bible is the foundation of morality and marriage.

I know what you're thinking.

You do?

You're thinking you want to get the hell out of here.

That's pretty good.

Hi there.

Hi there.

I'm Paige.

Brian.

Brian, did my friend mention that she's in a serious relationship?

No, actually, she didn't.

But I'm free.

You are appalling, you know that?

Hey, you had your thirty seconds.

24. You took my last 6.

Oh, right.

Hello?

Dorothy, you're never gonna believe what Paige made me do.

What?

Oh my God.

What?

Shelley Fisher was taken long before her time. we mourn not her loss, but ours, and so this is a time for those of us left behind to share our burden.

I never know what to do in situations like this.

I'm really bad at it.

I know that we're supposed to be... takin' a break and all, I just thought you needed a friend.

I'm glad you're here.

Yeah.

So, um...

What do I do?

I'm sorry.

Hey...

Front page.

Kate, that's for Spencer Marks.

You remember.

I mean, we both started on the paper together.

Look, anyway, they just named him lead reporter on the Giants, so I just got it for him as a gift. That's all.

Okay.

I'm sorry. It doesn't matter.

Of course it matters.

Look, I haven't touched a thing in three weeks.

I'm doing really good, Kate.

So, uh...

You think we can... get together this week?

Dinner or something?

I don't know.

Come on. It's just dinner.

Not a marriage proposal.

Adam, the last time you and I had dinner, we ended up in a hotel in Lake Tahoe for three days.

Oh, yeah. Right.

That.

That. Yeah.

Yeah.

I'll call you, okay?

Yeah.

Take care. Okay.

Hmm.

He looks good, huh?

Kate, that boy always looks good.

Hey. Hey.

Was that Adam?

Please don't give me a hard time about this right now.

Sorry.

Jesus, Paige. It's a funeral.

What?

Did you guys see the police are here talking to people?

Yeah, I know. So awful.

How are you doing, Lily? Are you okay?

I don't know. I...

I can't believe she's gone.

Excuse me, ladies. I'm Detective Vaughn.

I understand you're friends of Shelley?

Yeah, we've known her since we were kids.

Care if I ask you a few questions?

Sure. Yeah.

When's the last time you saw her?

Um, about a year ago.

More like two for me. Same here.

Yeah, she was really busy with med school.

You know anyone by the name of Jason Marquette?

Who's that?

Shelley was with him the night that she died.

Now he's missing.

Listen, ladies, If you think of anything, anyone... just give me a call, okay?

Okay, ladies. Take care.

Thanks.

Ooh.

Hmm.

"Roses are red...

"Violets are blue...

"They'll need dental records to identify you!"

Hey, Dorothy.

Oh. Hey, Campbell.

Come in.

Cozy little place you have.

Is everything okay?

Uh... well actually I feel a little weird about this.

In fact, I tried calling you earlier, but you weren't home.

I need to ask you a favor.

Sure.

Well, my roommate, he's left town, and he hasn't been paying his share of the rent.

So when I got home today, I found out that all my stuff had been thrown out on the sidewalk.

Skis, CDs, clothes, everything just gone.

And of course the timing couldn't be worse because every penny I have is invested in this start-up.

Millie?

Millie!

Can you please make up a guest room?

Oh, no, Dorothy, I couldn't... Wait.

Did your father say?

No. I said.

Uhh, Dorothy, I'm embarrassed about this.

I mean... Don't be ridiculous.

Go get yourself settled in, and I will be right there.

You...

You're the best.

Mmm.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

Mmm, mmm, mmm. Who's your friend?

His name is Campbell, and I met him at yoga, and he's off-limits.

So just let my dad know he's staying here for a few days.

Is he the reason you've been spending all your time on the treadmill?

Kim, you're not my girlfriend, and you're not my mother.

I'm just taking an interest in your life, Dorothy, you know, as your stepmom.

When you're old enough to rent a car by yourself, we can discuss your role as my stepmother.

In the meantime, don't talk about my sex life.

You have a sex life?

Yeah, I do, and I don't charge by the hour like you.

How dare you!

Oh, get your hands off me, you mail-order bride from hell.

Hey! Break it up, you two.

She just called me a mail-order bride from hell.

Dorothy.

Well I don't even know what she just called me.

It's okay, sweetheart.

You have to show more respect to my wife.

But, dad, she...

Hello?

Hello?

Oh, come on.

Not today.

Geez.

Classic.

Murray, Murray, Murray.

Hi. You've reached Murray, the super. Leave a message.

Murray, it's Kate in 403.

So, I don't have any water, and I have to be at work in a half hour, and I've got crap in my hair.

And... damn it!

Murray! are you there?

Shit.

Ha.

Of course.

Oh, God.

Ugh.

Perfect timing, Murray.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello, Kate.

Hi, Gary.

You look great, Kate.

How about a date, Kate?

You can be my mate, Kate.

You're scary, Gary.

This could be our fate, Kate.

Uh... hey there, Lily.

Hey there, yourself.

Thank you for requesting my tape.

My name's Lance.

Hello, Lance.

I think I'm perfect for you.

Mmm. - I'm outgoing, I'm fun, I'm 6-footish.

I like board games, I play a lot of, uh, ocean sports, you know, kayak...

Good-bye, Lance.

Better luck next time, Lance.

Who is it?

Who is it?

There's nobody there.

Probably just Lance.

He doesn't clear the peephole, remember?

Hello!

Hmm.

That's strange. - They were fast.

Ooh, I bet it's from Max.

The rose.

Valentine.

Let's see it.

"'Tis a well known fact that beauty is skin deep, savor the taste... you are what you eat"

Well, that's sweet, I think.

It's the strangest valentine I've ever seen.

Oh, look, it's not from Max.

Look, "J.M."

Must be for you.

Why?

Because you've covered much more of the alphabet than I have.

Who's J.M.?

Bite me. It's definitely for you.

Okay.

You say it's for me, it's for me.

Mmm.

Oh!

John McCray.

Never even made a pass at me.

Jeff Malik?

Hmm... not his style.

Jake Matheson.

Gay.

Who is the guy who sent you the computer virus?

Beckett Broda.

Oh... damn.

J.M., J.M., J.M.

Jeremy Melton?

Who's Jeremy Melton?

I'm kidding.

No, who... who's Jeremy Melton?

Come on. Sixth grade?

Pervert, 60 pounds... buck teeth, "You look so pretty, Paige."

He can't still live in town, can he?

Lily, I'm kidding.

No, I know. it's just... what do you think happened to him?

I don't know. What does it matter?

It doesn't.

God, we were so horrible to that kid.

Whatever.

All I know is, that was nasty.

Guh.

I'm talking maggots.

Actual live worms inside the chocolate.

Well, at least he left it at the door.

I swear, there was someone in my apartment.

I'm telling you, you must have left your door unlocked.

I mean, we were all so looped by the time we left.

Yeah, but it still freaked me out.

You should have seen this mask.

Look what we have here.

He's subtle.

Well?

You want to come over?

Guess not.

Bye. Hey, guys.

This is Max.

Hi, Max. I'm Kate.

Hello, Kate.

That'll do, Max.

I'm just being polite, Paige.

So, isn't the show great?

Yeah, it's great. Cheers.

Better than your last one.

You hate it.

No. N-no.

It's all right.

I hate it, too, sometimes.

But an artist has got to explore.

Mmm.

Max. I'm sorry.

We're having trouble with the video playback in the maze.

Christ.

Forgive me.

Mmm, girl. Mmm.

Whoo.

I'll be right back, you guys.

Hi.

Hello.

I'm Paige.

Oh, hi, Paige. I'm Campbell.

So, what brings you to this fascinating cultural event, Campbell?

That's a very good question, Paige.

Actually, I'm here with... Hi, guys.

I see you've met Campbell.

Yeah, Paige was just hitting on him.

Sorry, I didn't know.

Campbell, this is Kate and Lily.

And I see you've already met Paige.

Nice to meet all of you.

The four of us all had headgear and braces together.

Really? Well, it seems you've all turned out all right.

Yeah, well.

Can I get you a drink? Yes, please.

Dorothy, what else have you been keeping to yourself?

Valentine's Day...

What does it mean?

What's it really about?

A celebration of true love?

It was really strange... a cupid mask, like a cherub.

Like at that Valentine's Day dance?

What dance?

Junior high. God, Jeremy Melton.

Oh, my God, this is so weird.

We were just talking about him this afternoon.

Ahem.

So, ladies and gentlemen, I hope you enjoy your blind date.

If you would, I need the ladies to go to the left, and the men to the right.

Ladies one side, men the other.

Uh-uh-uh.

Ladies one side, men the other.

Oh...

I really like the abstract frames.

Mm-hmm. Yes.

What do you like to do?

Wow. What is wrong with this guy?

Dorothy! Sorry.

Look at that one.

What do you like to do?

What do you like to do?

What do you like to do?

This is like a lingerie commercial.

That's his point. It's art. Just keep going.

Love me. Love me.

Love me.

Love me.

Love me.

Love me.

Guys?

Oh!

What?

Who's that?

Hey, Amy.

That's Amy.

What do you mean, "That's Amy"?

Get her out of here.

I invited her here.

Excuse me?

Please, relax.

What the hell are you doing?

It's not like we're in junior high school, okay?

Look, I've got to go.

I have an early flight tomorrow.

I don't have to deal with this.

Great. What... what's the matter?

Oh, what's the matter?

Well, the problem is, you turned out to be a cheap, hypocritical sleazeball.

Yeah, but you knew that.

So does this mean you're not gonna be my Valentine?

Hold me.

Love me. Love me.

I'm so lonely. Hold me.

Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me.

'Til death do us part.

'Til death do us part.

To love until death...

Don't walk away from me.

Don't walk away from me.

Don't walk away from me.

Don't walk away from me.

Woman, distorted: Love me. Love me... love me... love me...

I said I want my money back.

Hey, leech, I'm talking to you.

Listen, I have no idea what you're talking about.

- Oh, really? That's right.

Hey, is everything okay? Yeah.

Oh. Well, well. If it isn't the latest victim.

Excuse me, who are you?

That's none of your business.

She's no one. - No one?

That's right, I'm just the idiot who's still waiting for the return on her internet investment.

What did you call that again, hmm?

Bleed Me Dry dot com?

Yeah, that's nice. Okay, let's go, Dorothy.

Watch your back, leech.

Well, sorry I couldn't make it.

You didn't miss much, Except for Dorothy's boyfriend getting att*cked by some crazy woman.

Oh, and some really bad art.

I mean, this stuff was basically porn.

That sounds okay.

I don't know, things have just been really weird lately.

I mean, today I find this cupid mask in the elevator. I turn around, and there's my creepy neighbor leering at me.

"Don't be late, Kate. You're first-rate, Kate."

That guy? Yes, that guy.

Every time I do my laundry, he's there.

Day, night, doesn't matter.

Knock it off.

And yesterday I noticed that my underwear was missing.

Oh, yeah, don't worry about that. That was me.

I like to try them on, you know?

Makes me feel free.

I tap in to my, you know, feminine side.

What's it gonna be tonight?

Can I please have a Corona?

Just a club soda, please.

Actually, make that two.

Sure.

So...

what do you say?

I'm just asking you for a chance, that's all.

I want to, Adam, but...

You drink. And you get out of control, and it scares me.

I've stopped.

I've changed.

So then it won't make a difference if you have to wait a little.

Right.

I don't get it. We told you, we haven't seen Shelley in over a year.

How are we going to help you?

Humor me.

By the way, wasn't there another one of you?

Lily.

She's out of town.

These are remembrance cards sent to the parents.

Take a look at this.

It's odd.

Jeremy Melton.

J.M.

Jeremy Melton, geez.

Who's Jeremy Melton?

This loser from sixth grade.

He and Shelley were friends?

No, that's the thing. we haven't seen him in years.

Why would he send a card?

Because it's him.

It's Jeremy.

I got a valentine the other day, and it was awful, it was someone saying that they were gonna k*ll me, and it was signed "J.M."

Ours, too... the card in our chocolates.

You both received threatening notes signed "J.M."?

And after I tell you I'm looking for a Jason Marquette, you don't think to mention it?

I thought it was a joke.

Okay. Why would Jeremy Melton want to hurt you?

Well, he att*cked me at a dance in junior high, and he got sent to reform school because of it.

Well, that would explain why he threatened you, but why go after Shelley? Why your friends?

I don't know, but he is.

You don't know that.

The truth is, some kid that you all teased in the sixth grade is probably not worth getting all worked up over.

But I'll go check it out anyway.

You do that.

I'm next. I know I'm next.

What are you talking about?

Because Jeremy got sent to reform school because of me.

Dorothy, he att*cked you.

Dorothy...

He did attack you, right?

No. He didn't.

I just said that he did.

Why would you do that?

You guys wouldn't understand.

Do you remember what I looked like back then?

You... you were bigger.

Y-you were big-boned.

You were plump. I was fat, okay?

The only person that looked at me the whole night was Jeremy.

And then when those guys came up, and they saw us making out, I couldn't bear it. and so...

I lied.

And I said he att*cked me.

Dorothy, why didn't you say something about this to Vaughn?

I just couldn't.

Dorothy, I really wouldn't worry about this.

Jeremy Melton couldn't manage a water fountain without screwing up.

I don't think he's capable of an intricate revenge plot.

Hmm.

- Hi. God, you scared me.

What are you doing here?

I thought we were having dinner.

We are?

Oh, we are. I'm sorry. I completely forgot.

I'm just a little distracted.

What's up?

Uh, it's probably nothing.

And you wouldn't believe me if I told you.

So you think it's far-fetched, right, this whole Jeremy Melton/ Revenge of the Nerds theory?

I don't know.

Well, what should I do?

I'm thinking Mexico, the two of us, just 'til this all blows over, all right?

Well.

Well.

Want to come up? Yeah, I do, believe me.

I do...

But...?

I don't want you to do something tonight that you're going to write off as a weak moment tomorrow.

So... get upstairs before I lose my will.

Kate.

Don't worry about it, all right?

Everything's gonna be all right.

Okay.

Okay, so first you guys get Melton shipped off to reform school.

A year later, he lands in juvenile hall.

Six months after that, a state-run mental hospital.

That's awful.

You must have done some number on him at the dance, huh?

Where is he now, detective?

No idea. All we know is that his parents died in a fire a couple years back.

Was he involved?

Don't know. Ruled an accident.

Follow me. I want to show you something.

I pulled a file photo, and I ran some enhancements.

Here we go.

That's him.

Right.

But know anybody that looks like this?

Or this?

Or this?

Or this?

Brown contacts, blue, green.

Beard, goatee, mustache.

Ten years is a long time, and that's not counting the possibility of plastic surgery.

Do you have any more recent pictures of him?

If we did, don't you think we'd be looking at them?

The point is, this could be anyone.

Where's your friend Lily?

We told you, she's in L.A.

What about Max Raimi?

What do you know about that guy?

Just that he's an artist. A bad one.

I know. I've seen his work.

What about the rest of you? Any boyfriends?

Paige, for example?

The short answer is no.

What about you?

Uh, sort of.

But I've known him awhile.

Meaning what?

Meaning, we used to work at the same paper.

He covers the Giants.

His mother's a lawyer. His father's a teacher.

They're from Seattle.

How's that?

What about you?

I have a boyfriend.

But I can guarantee you he's not Jeremy Melton.

Why don't you let me decide?

His name's Campbell, and he's very smart, and he's starting his own internet venture.

And how long have you known him?

A month.

And where did you meet him?

At yoga, but it's a very exclusive gym, okay?

Wait, I thought you said that Campbell was staying with you.

Well, he is, but, you know, his roommate didn't pay the rent, so...

Dorothy, you met this guy a month ago, and he's staying with you?

Excuse me, Paige, but there have been guys whose last names you didn't know that you let into your pants.

I'm just letting this guy into my house.

Well you don't have to be bitchy.

Fine!

So, while we're on the topic, Dorothy, what is Campbell's last name?

You know, that's it. This is bullshit.

And I don't have to answer these questions.

I'll see you guys later.

That went well.

I gotta go. Me too.

Paige, actually, I'd like you to stay a moment.

Uh-oh. am I in trouble, Detective?

You want to interrogate me?

It'll just take a second.

Talk later?

Sure, if I'm not under arrest.

Please, take a seat.

So, Paige, what are we gonna do about this?

I thought that was your job.

You're the detective, right?

I'm not talking about the case, Paige.

Don't be coy.

I'm talking about this.

This?

Tension.

The tension?

The sexual tension.

Let's be frank.

Detective Vaughn.

Please remove your hand from my thigh.

All right.

Where would you like me to put it?

How about up your ass?

Have a good day.

So you'll get back to me on that.

Who the f*ck are you?

It's not what it looks like, brother.

Okay? Take it easy. I am not well.

Aah!

Here you go.

Hey, Happy Valentine's Day.

Happy Valentine's Day.

I came by to drop off gifts.

I would have been here earlier, but I spent most of the afternoon talking to that detective.

It was very romantic, actually.

I wanted to explain about that.

Nothing to explain.

He's just talking to as many people as possible.

Kate, don't worry about it.

Listen, do you need a date for Dorothy's party tonight?

Come on, you don't want to go to a Valentine's party alone.

True.

So where's my gift?

I picked it out myself.

Very cute.

I got you something, too.

Oh, you got my suit cleaned.

Turn around.

"IOU... TLC."

That is outstanding. Love that.

Can't get that at the mall.

No.

Bye.

What the hell are you doing?

What are you doing here?

Detective Vaughn is a disgusting, lecherous scumbag.

What happened?

After you left, he put his hand on my thigh.

Did you ask him to?

What do you think?

I don't know.

Hello.

It's Dorothy.

Uh, hold on, Dorothy. Paige is here, too.

Hey, Dorothy.

Kate nearly clubbed me on the head with an iron.

They came for Campbell.

Yeah, I know. they questioned Adam, too.

Listen, Kate, did they call Adam, or did they question him for two hours?

'Cause now they've requested that Campbell not leave town for a few days.

It's humiliating.

Did you give Vaughn his name?

No.

Well, then, how did he get it?

He's a detective.

You know, you go back and forth about Adam...

"should I or shouldn't I?"

Campbell's all I've got.

I don't feel like being dumped before my party, Kate.

Come on, Dorothy, just hang up the phone and make it up to the guy if he's so upset.

What do you mean?

Use your imagination.

Thanks, Paige. you're welcome.

She's so ridiculous.

Do you need instructions?

It's detective Vaughn, Kate.

Uh, sorry, Detective.

Uh, good news. We picked up Marquette.

Oh. So does this mean that it's Jeremy?

Well, we haven't started the questioning yet.

But if it isn't Melton, you're gonna keep looking, right?

We're gonna keep pursuing every angle on this thing.

Meantime, be careful. Stay with your friends.

I'll let you know when I've got more.

Thank you, Detective.

Well?

Picked up Marquette.

What do we have here? Hey.

The plan is to have this up and running by tonight.

I'm sorry about this morning.

Oh, just don't even worry about it.

Really, it's not a big deal.

Uh...

Happy Valentine's Day.

Oh. Dorothy, what...

I had no idea we were exchanging.

Really, I'm embarrassed. Do I have... do I open it?

Mm-hmm. Okay.

Put it on.

Wow.

You like it?

Do I like it? What are you...

Dorothy, I love it. Yeah?

♪ I guess the honeymoon is over ♪

♪ and all the champagne is gone ♪

♪ Lately...

Don't worry about it.

It's just I...

♪ and everything seems wrong ♪

I'm gonna go take a shower.

Oh, Jesus!

Now it's my turn.

Wow.

It's so beautiful.

Thank you. Mmm. Yeah.

So, listen, I have that investor meeting.

But... you're leaving?

Well, just, you know, for drinks.

It'll be an hour, tops.

But you have the militant Millicent here, and she's got her army of caterers and workmen, so I think you'll be just fine.

Yeah, I guess.

All right.

Well, uh, do you care to join me now?

Uh, it's tempting, tempting, but, um...

I want to get a quick workout in before my meeting, okay?

But I promise you I will be back before the party, okay?

Evan Wheeler, account number 3165936.

Look, we've been over this three times already.

And I realize it's the entire account.

February 16, 1940.

Mother's maiden name: Sather.

Any other questions?

Uh... San Francisco.

What's that?

Look, don't tell me where the f*ck I was born.

Just transfer the g*dd*mn funds.

Campbell?

Campbell?

f*ckin'...

Yes, Dorothy?

We just lost the hot water in the main house.

Could you do me a big favor and relight the pilot in the basement?

Uh, yeah, yeah, sure. That's no problem.

f*ckin' perfect. Now I'm on the staff.

Perfect.

Great.

Damn it!

f*cking perfect.

Great.

Shit.

Yeah.

Think that's worth at least a Porsche?

Yeah.

Shit!

Aah!

I'll get you one too!

There you are! Excuse me.

There you are. Hey.

Hey, any luck finding a date tonight?

I'm playing phone tag with Brian.

Who? Brian?

Remember the guy from turbo dating?

Oh, right.

Well, I'm gonna go look around.

Okay, have fun.

Hey.

Still no Campbell?

Nope.

Well, it's only 11:00.

He said he'd be here before the party.

I'm not an idiot, Kate.

I know when I'm being dumped, okay?

You're not getting dumped, Dorth.

Right.

Happy Valentine's Day, ladies.

Hey, Adam.

Hey.

Mmm. Oh.

You look great. So do you.

Yeah, you look great.

Nice party, Dorothy.

It blows.

Everything okay?

Oh, yeah, everything's fine. It's just that men suck.

Oh, that's no offense to you, Adam.

None taken.

Yeah, okay. Excuse me. Ahem.

He'll get here, Dorth. Don't worry.

Don't ask.

Listen, you doing anything later on?

Uh, actually, I'm busy.

I'm gonna hook up with some young stud, get a little action.

Really? Mmm.

Sounds good. Anyone I know?

Well, you know, I'm young... reasonably good-looking... it shouldn't be that difficult finding volunteers.

Hmm...

Yeah, you'll do.

Hey, hot stuff.

You came.

I like how you move.

Why don't you join me?

Wow.

You know...

I'd much rather take you upstairs.

What's upstairs?

Something I want to show you.

It's a surprise.

I love surprises.

So...

So?

Mmm.

We're upstairs now.

Yes, we are.

You got a surprise for me?

Yes, I do.

Surprise.

You brought me up here to show me your penis.

Aw, that's so sweet.

Well?

What are you waiting for, honey?

Wax it.

Oh, you're unbelievable.

Paige, Paige, Paige, Paige, come here.

Relax, okay? It'll be fun.

All right. Take off your shirt.

All right.

Don't forget your pants.

Now lay down.

What are you doing?

Never mind. It's a surprise.

I knew it.

Knew what?

The first time I saw you, I knew you were kinky, Paige.

You still want me to wax it?

Yes, I do.

♪ Now I feel like a baby... who has ♪

♪ just opened its eyes ♪ Ow! Oh, my...

Oh... God!

Paige.

Bitch! Oh!

This party sucks.

Things didn't go well with Brian, I take it?

Mmm.

Oh, my God.

This is a private party.

Get your little paws off me!

What is she doing here?

She was just leaving, Dorothy.

Hey, hey, hey! Hey! That's my necklace!

What are you talking about?

Campbell gave this to me.

And what are you supposed to be, his Valentine?

I don't think so, sweetie, 'cause that necklace was stolen from me along with half of the rest of my jewelry.

Hurts, doesn't it?

He loves me.

He loves your trust fund.

Trust me.

Okay, time to go.

Watch the jacket!

Bye-bye.

Now this party officially sucks.

No kidding.

Where are you going?

To chill out.

Hello again.

Hey.

Hey, wait a minute.

Where are you running off to?

What do you want, Max?

Easy, sweetness.

I just wanted to know if you've seen Lily yet.

She's in L.A., and don't call me sweetness.

Well, sweetness, Lily's not in L.A.

What are you talking about?

Well, I called her office, and they said she never showed up.

Are you sure?

About what?

Hello! Max, about Lily.

How long have you known this?

You know, you're really at home in this outfit, girl.

You just look... just... yum.

Ugh...

Oh, great.

What are you supposed to be?

I... I... I was just, um...

No! No!

Aah! No! No!

Uhh!

Dorothy? Hmm?

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Hey, listen.

That Max guy said that Lily never showed up in L.A.

Have you heard anything from her?

No.

But I bet Paige has.

Well, do you think he's here?

Who? Jeremy Melton.

God, I hope not.

Listen. Listen!

My dad's got a g*n in his study.

That's just a good way to get us both k*lled.

Hello?

Kate, it's Detective Vaughn.

Listen, we had to let Marquette go.

What do you mean?

I mean exactly what I just said.

We didn't have enough evidence to hold him.

He could be anywhere... like your party, for example.

What? Wh-what happened?

Um, listen, Detective, our friend Lily never showed up in L.A.

Stay put. Stay in groups. I'm on my way.

What?

They had to let Marquette go.

So now they've got nothing?

Come on.

Which one of the 12 steps is this?

Kate. There you are.

You know, I've been looking all over for you.

And I wasn't at the bottom of the bottle?

Kate.

Kate, come on. Kate, don't be mad.

It's Valentine's Day.

Get away from me!

Hello.

Hello.

Does someone want to be my Valentine?

Come on.

Hello.

Come on.

Come on.

Brian.

All right, get the f*ck out.

Ah!

Get your hands off of me!

Oh, God!

Stop!

Help!

Somebody, please help me!

Ah! Somebody help me!

Help!

Someone!

Aaah!

Uh! No!

Aah!

Aah!

Oh!

No!

Aah!

Wah! Aah!

Aah!

- Kate? Yeah.

Hey, Kate... shit, we blew a fuse.

Come on, grab Stephanie and let's go.

Jesus, this place cleared out fast.

Where the hell is Paige?

Oh, she's probably in a hot tub. she always ends up in the hot tub at these parties.

Where's Adam?

I don't know. Did you check the wine cellar?

Could be him, you know?

What could be him?

Oh, come on, Dorothy.

No, no, no. don't "come on, Dorothy" me.

Why the hell not?

Because I know Adam.

Okay, fine... he's no angel, but he's not a m*rder*r.

Well, you didn't know he was an alcoholic when you first met him, either, did you?

I'm just saying I don't know if I trust your judgment.

That's enough.

Come on, Kate... with a little working out and, I don't know, some plastic surgery, why couldn't Jeremy Melton become Adam Carr?

Okay, fine. then by the same logic, why couldn't Jeremy Melton be Campbell?

You... should take that back.

Look, Dorothy, I'm not saying it's true.

I'm just saying if we're going to be pointing fingers here...

I mean, you heard what that Ruthie woman said.

And how well do you really know Campbell?

I mean, you don't even know his last name, for God's sake.

You really can't stand it, can you?

Can't stand what?

That I found someone just as good as your boyfriend... just as smart and just as good-looking.

That's ridiculous.

I mean, why... I mean, why should I... why should the fat girl get a turn, huh?

What? Oh, come on, Kate.

You've always been the popular one, and Shelley was always the brainy one, and Lily was the fun one, and Paige was the sexy one, and I was the big, fat one.

And as far as you're concerned, that's exactly the way that it is.

Well, you know what?

Screw all of you!

Dorothy, come back.

Come on.

Come on, Vaughn.

This is Detective Leon Vaughn, S.F.P.D.

Leave a message.

Aaah!

Aah!

Paige... Dorothy!

Paige... Dorothy!

Hi.

It's you.

It's me.

You're still here.

I'm still here.

I heard a noise.

I thought something might have happened to Dorothy.

Dorothy's a big girl.

What do you mean?

Dance with me, Kate.

No, Adam, I just want to find Dorothy.

I'm asking you nicely.

Dance with me.

Don't make me beg, Kate.

Please.

You know...

I screwed up, Kate.

You had a couple of drinks.

It's not the end of the world.

No, you're disappointed.

I'm just worried that you'll hurt me.

Hurt you?

Hurt you?

No, baby, I love you.

And you're the only good thing in my life.

All these other people, they can just die as far as I care.

But you...

Hey...

You mean something to me.

What's the matter, baby? You're shaking.

I don't want to hurt you, either, Adam.

I understand.

But I will.

Oh... Jesus!

God.

Dorothy!

Dorothy!

Dorothy!

Hello, Kate.

What the hell's going on?

Nothing.

What happened back there?

I just want to talk about this.

I'm sorry.

I guess I was just a little upset about the drinking.

I mean, you were doing so well.

Kate! Aah!

Kate! Aah!

Kate! Aah!

Paige!

Why do you want to hurt me like that?

I love you. I always loved you.

Stay away from me.

Oh, come on, Kate.

Ah! Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

shit.

Shit.

Aaah!

Aaah!

Adam, I'm sorry!

It's all right.

I'm so, so sorry.

It's all right, It's over.

It's over.

No, don't go near it!

It's all right. It's okay, all right?

Dorothy.

Hey, don't look at her.

It's at the top of the street on the right.

Please hurry.

Police are on their way.

I don't understand.

A few weeks ago, she was so happy... happier than I'd ever seen her.

It's okay.

I just don't understand.

All I can think is... if someone is that lonely and that angry, then they can learn to hide it.

But inside, it never dies.

It just stays there, eats away at you...

'til one day, you have to do something about it.

And we all liked her. We were her friends.

Sometimes that's not enough, I guess.

I am so sorry for the way I was before.

None of that matters now.

I love you, Adam.

I love you, Kate.

I always have.

♪ Spoken like a souvenir

♪ Touch on all your childhood fears ♪

♪ Keep them at a gentle pace

♪ Closer now to feel their heat ♪

♪ Somebody says

♪ Somebody says

♪ Somebody says

♪ I love you

♪ All these years, you never knew ♪

♪ All the things that I could do ♪

♪ I keep them in a hidden place ♪

♪ so I could rub them in your face ♪

♪ Somebody says

♪ Somebody says

♪ Somebody says

♪ I made you

♪ I made you

♪ I made you

♪ I made you

♪ I made you

♪ breed!

♪ breed on your own!

♪ always alone

♪ you suffering clone

♪ Maybe you're not good enough

♪ good enough to make me blush

♪ So many reasons I can find

♪ to k*ll this little clone of mine ♪

♪ Somebody says

♪ Somebody says

♪ Somebody says

♪ I love you