- Hello? Hello.
- Uh, yes? Who is this?
- Who are you calling? Who am I speaking to? Wrong number. Who was that?
Oh, nobody. Did you pick a movie?
Yeah, we re gonna go scary: Saw IV. Oh, I saw that in theaters. It sucks.
It's not scary, it's gross. I hate all that t*rture p*rn sh*t.
Why, angry feel.
Well, I like Jigsaw. I think he kills people very creatively. But she don't give a sh*t who dies...
...cos there's no character to fill a man. It's just body parts whipping and blood spewing.
Who you keep texting? I have a Facebook stalker. He keeps leaving me messages.
Nah, like what? Just stuff like: Hey, what's up? You are hot. I want to k*ll you...
Well, delete him. I did it, but he hacked its way back in.
Or report him. He is really hot, tho. You wanna see?
That's Channing Tatum. It is not. Is it?
Yeah, from his Abercrombie days. You were being punk'd.
- Hello? Who is this? The more impatient version of the person you just spoke to.
I am sorry. You don't have to be a bitch about it. Of course I don't. Eat me.
- You hang up on me and I cut thru your neck until I feel bone! Who is it?
It's for you.
- Hello? Who is this?
- It's Trudie. Who's this? This is the last person you ever gonna see alive. It's a prank. Hang up. Why did you give the phone to me?
You are the one with a stalker. Are the doors locked?
Don't freak out.
Let it ring.
It's from stalker boy. He said "Answer the phone".
For God's sake, it's a joke Trudie. It's probably Lexie or Karen.
Where are you going? To make sure the front door is locked.
No, don't open it. You're overreacting.
It's a joke, Trudie, ok? Someone made a dummy profile. They re just trying to scare you.
Wait. Who is it?
I said, who is it? Let's call the cops.
"I dare you to open the door." No, Sherri, don't. No, don't, I'm scared.
It could be anyone that we know. Lisa, Bailey, Wayne.
Or the hoped-for long sh*t, Channing Tatum.
There is nobody out here.
What is it say?
It says "I'm not outside, I am right beside you. "
Trudie!
f*cking kidding me? What?
That was so f*cking stupid. Pure horse sh*t. The death of horror right here in front of us!
I jumped. It scared me. A f*cking Facebook k*ller? You re kidding me right?
I guess now it would be Twitter. That'd make more sense.
Under articulate teens sit around and deconstruct horror movies until Ghostface kills them one by one.
It's been done to death. The whole self-aware post-modern meta-sh*t.
Stick a fork in 1996 already.
I like the s*ab movies. They are scarier.
It's not aliens or zombies or little Asian ghost girls.
There is something real about a guy with a Kn*fe who just ... snaps.
It can really happen. I can't do it. These people don't know when to stop.
They just keep recycling the same sh*t.
Even the opening scene, there is always some random girl who gets a call that undoubtedly ends up getting her k*lled.
It's all so predictable. There's no element of surprise.
You can see everything coming.
Did that surprise you?
Why? Because you talk too much.
Now shut the f*ck up and watch the movie.
Oh my God. I love it.
I've seen it five times, and it still gets me every time.
You re kidding? I don't get it. Ok, it's like the Twilight Zone.
Twilight zone... A movie within a movie.
I get that. But it's illogical..
It begs the question that if the beginning of s*ab 7 is s*ab 6 then it's the beginning of s*ab 6 s*ab 5?
And if so, what is s*ab 4 about?
You re over thinking it.- Am I or did you ever make it, just under think it, there's a reason i don't watch these movies?
I can't believe you haven't seen them. We live in Woodsboro.
It has nothing to do with Woodsboro. I thought you said s*ab was based on true stories.
The first three, the original trilogy is based off of Sidney Prescott.
But then she threatened to sue em if they used the true story so they just started making stuff up.
s*ab 5 has time travel, which is by far the worst.
And don't you have enough about this story every year? At least Woodsboro is known for something.
Did you hear that?
Uh, no, I didn't hear anything.
I did.
Jenny, don't try to scare me.
I am not trying to scare you.
You do it all the time.
No, I don't.
Where are you going?
I told you, I heard something.
I know you re trying to scare me.
I am not.
What is it?
I must have left the window in my room open.
Could you get that? Marnie? Yeah.
- Hello? Hello. Who is this?
Marnie. Who is this?
This is the last person you ever gonna see alive.
What?
I am sorry. I had to. You bitch!
So not funny. Somebody falls for it every year.
I don't see why you get off on this shi..... Marnie?
Marnie? Marnie?!?
Good one, Marnie. Lights out, phone on the floor.
You know, you really should direct horror films.
Wherever you are...
Lemme guess. You want me to walk by an open door frame so you can pop out, huh?
Ok. Timing, timing is perfect. But you don't have the app on your phone, so you can't talk like Ghostface.
- Can you? Yes, I can.
- Who is this? Not an app.
- Is this Trevor? Do I sound like a Trevor to you?
Think of me as your director. You re in my movie. You got a fun part so don't blow it.
- What movie? Same one Marnie's in, only her part got cut way back.
But you, you re dumb blond with the big tits. We'll have some fun with you before you die.
I have a 4.0 GPA (Grade Point Average) and 135 IQ assh*le. What did you do with Marnie?
- She's on the cutting room floor. -That's not funny.
This isn't a comedy, it's a horror film. People live, people die.
And you'd better start running.
Marnie?
What do you think? Well, I guess today's the anniversary.
Kids... No, I meant the display.
It's good. Told the owner I'd k*ll his cat if you didn't get a ring.
Nice...
Woah, 25 to stay alive! sh*t! Sorry Sheriff!
Kirby...
Ehi, before you get in the car, you have to promise not to k*ll me.
Why? What did you do?
Trevor called me last night.
Why is he calling you?
Because you won't take his calls, he knows I have your ear and he wants to know.
Know what? How upset you are.
Can we just not talk about this? Fine, fine.
So, Trevor called me last night.
He called you too?
He's afraid your cousin coming to Woodsboro is distracting you from knowing how sorry he really is.
Well, that's inventive. God...
Oh, by the way, have you seen the Grim Reaper? Angel of Death?
What are you talking about?
Your cousin. Last stop in a book tour, first stop in a road to a new life.
It's very dramatic. She's the reason why I love horror movies.
I'm sure she'd love to hear that. If I knew her which, I don't really.
Well, wherever she went, peple d*ed. Other people. It was never her.
I mean, s*ab is the wrong franchise for her, it should be Final Destination.
And why is Jenny Randall calling me?
I cannot stand Jenny Randall... Hello?
- Oh, Jill... Why?
Shh...Jenny, is this you?
What's your favorite scary movie?
Ok, who is this? What does she want?
- I said, who is this? I asked you a question.
What's your favorite scary movie?
I'm hanging up.
Wow, that was original.
I got a call like that this morning from Marnie the Carnie.
What? Watch out!
- Nice proof assh*le! Ok...
You should really stop at sign. Sorry...
Angel of Death.
Mayor wants these down before lunch. Only 25 more to go.
Morning Sheriff. Morning Deputy. Joe.
Morning Sheriff.
Looks like the celebration's begun. High School kids probably.
Yeah. One generation's tragedy is the next one's joke.
Sorry you can never get away from this.
You know, I wish I had been old enough to be part of the Forest when you were solving those crimes.
It's those intense investigations that really bond relationships.
Yeah. How's Gale by the way?
Gale's good. She's writing...fiction.
Hey I made some lemon squares, they're in my car.
Thanks Deputy, but no, thanks.
Sheriff, you're not cheating on your wife if you eat my lemon square.
Yeah, but I would be cheating on the diet.
Sheriff Riley! Come in! Sheriff Riley!
This is Sheriff Riley, go ahead.
You gotta get over to the Randall house right away. It's bad Sheriff, real bad.
The book is "Out of Darkness" and its author Sidney Prescott is here with us today.
Have the 7 s*ab movies all based on Gale Weathers' books about you made it even harder to go on?
I don't blame Gale, that's in the past. Now if I was a victim for too long, it was up to me to reinvent myself.
- That's why I wrote this book. Sidney Prescott, everybody. And rave reviews for her book, "Out of Darkness".
Allright Gale, let's do it. Let's reinvent myself.
Except, I have no f*cking idea what to write!
How's that new? That's the 2.0 upgrade version. I am totally mobile, man.
Nice.
Ouh, this is Hall Pass with Robbie Mercer, here with the luscious Olivia "Don't look at my tits, I have a mind" Morris.
Here is my Woodsboro masquerade anniversary question: What is your favorite scary movie?
Is that all you got? Some stupid douche question?
Yeah, where did you hear that anyway?
It's a line from s*ab 1. Hey Charlie.
You re a genre nut Kirby, what's your favorite scary movie? Bambi.
Dork. What?
That's...funny, Kirby.
Completely unaware you exist. No, man, she wants me.
Yeah, I wish, right? assh*le.
I think Charlie likes you. And I like him. To tease, to torment, to make him squirm.
You could do a lot worse, trust me.
Oh, hi Trevor. Bye Trevor.
Can we talk? Somebody cares about you over here you know?
Someone who made you really happy once.
Someone who never should have let you go.
When you re done with a phone call, you let someone go...
When you take someone to the airport, you let them go...
When you tell someone you love her, and she gives you everything, and then you go out with someone else... that is not letting her go, that is dumping her. Ok? That's betrayal.
Trevor Sheldon denied live on Hall Pass with Robbie Mercer. What is your favorite scary movie, man?
I'll show you.
Now I began to believe myself that that was all I was, a victim. And that was unacceptable to me...
So, I sat down and began to write a new role that would be my own.
A role for a woman who could leave the walls of fear behind and step out into the sunlight.
Out of Darkness.
- Thank you. Ok, we re gonna start the book signing in a sec, so buy your copies while they last.
- May you ladies. New York Times best seller. Rave reviews...
Gale...I am glad you came. Congratulations, Sidney.
I haven't had a chance to read it yet, but... Well, you can get one.
Dewey! Ehi! Hey, Sidney. Gale, you made it.
What's going on Dewey?
Hey, Sid, I am sorry. I gotta do something...I am really sorry.
Excuse me. This will only take a minute. I need you all to stay where you are and remain silent.
Nobody leaves, you heard the Sheriff, thanks you.
Can't this wait 45, I am running an event here. M'am this is a police event now.
What's going on? Gale, this is police business. If you could just let us handle this.
I am talking to my husband, Deputy Judy.
Listen. There's a phone we believe may have been taken from the scene of a crime.
Deputy Hicks has traced its location back to these coordinates.
The rest is "need to know". And I am not "need to know"?
Shhhh.
Sheriff! Ringing out here!
There.
It's coming from the trunk Yeah.
Dewey... They need everyone to stay back.
Not now, Sid. It's my rental.
Damn. - It's now official crime scene. Let's lock it down.
Crime scene. - Detach him right out of here. Everybody back. Give me that camera. - Stand back.
Give me that camera. Stand back.
Please tell me this is a prank, Dewey. I am afraid not, Sid. Come on.
- Amber, you re not gonna believe this...
Stand back, Gale. Gale. Just wanna see.
Ok, essays are due Tuesday, "Why Woodsboro is the best..."
Anything with an on-off swith should be off, that's the rule.
Somebody wanna share?
Jenny Randall and Marnie Cooper were m*rder*d last night. - What?
What? - Stabbed to death.
What's your favorite scary movie? - Shut up!
Y'all Tuesday, class is not hold then That was fast.
This week marks the anniversary of the infamous Woodsboro murders.
Two girls k*lled the exact day local celebrity victim Sidney Prescott chose to return to her hometown.
It could be something right out of a Gale Weathers' best seller. And where is she now?
Well, living right here in Woodsboro, cos she's the wife of Sheriff Dewey Riley - Mrs Riley - Hoss.
First Lady. Perkins.
Excuse me, Gale. He's conducting an interview.
Great! I love interviews. You have to wait, Gale. Sorry, can't let you in there.
What are you gonna do? Arrest me, Deputy Judy?
If it comes to it. Civilian interference with a police investigation poses many a problem in a court of law.
Ok. Listen to me Judy. I don't mind that you re working with my hudband.
Or that you re even baking those little treats, as you do But if you re gonna start acting like him, you gotta put a mustache on, cos you sound ridiculous - Gale.
Judy. Gale!
Deputy. Gale. Calm please.
Uh, Sidney, if you don't mind giving us a minute. Sid. - Hi, Gale.
Dewey, would you please explain to Betty Crocker that I have every right to be here?
If there's been another m*rder in Woodsboro obviusly....
That is not public information. It is all over the Internet, Dewey.
It is? Yes, the whole world knows about it before me.
She wants to be a part of the investigation, Sheriff.
Ok. Hang on. Uhm, are you familiar with the phrase "I wrote a book on this" ?
Gale, with all due respect, I don't see how that pertains to... Because I wrote the book on this.
"The Woodsboro murders" by Gale Weathers. But you re not a reporter anymore, Gale.
Woh, woh,woh.. And even if you were...
Woh. Don't treat me like I'm the media.
I helped solve these things. 3 times, remember? You and me, together.
- But I am the Sheriff now, Gale. Right?
What, you re not gonna help you with this? I can't.
Allright then, I am going rogue. This is what I am good at, Dewey. This is what I know how to do.
Your lemon squares taste like ass.
They don't. They really don't. Thank you, Sir.
Sheriff. - Yeah? - We got a couple high school kids in here.
We got a couple high school kids in here.
Two of em, they say they got threatening phone calls this morning from the victims' phones.
Names are Olivia Morris and Jill Roberts. That's Sid's cousin. Damn.
Right in here, Sheriff. - Hey, Jill.
Sidney. Hi. Hi.
It's nice to see you, even under the circumstances.
You ok? - Yeah.
So two of you got phone calls? Yeah, us two. "What's your favorite scary movie?".
It was the k*ller's voice. From s*ab. From, I mean you know, from your life.
I am Kirby, by the way. I am their friend.
And the k*ller didn't call you? No.
This is..this is a bad thing? Does that mean that I am not gonna live as long as these two?
No...Maybe. Of course not. Just...just be careful.
Oh my God, did you hear that? I am gonna be next! Dewey, I shouldn't be here. I should leave town.
I am afraid that's not really possible, Sidney.
Look, nobody thinks you re involved but everyone's a suspect. I am sorry.
And there was evidence in your car connecting the k*ller to you. You may be a material witness.
So, you know, you ll have 24 hour police surveillance. That's comforting.
It's Rebecca. Oh my f*cking God, Henry. Yes! Its true. Two girls butchered. Pay day.
I was so not feeling Woodsboro. Was like lame PR, am I right? Well, f*ck me wow! Best idea ever.
Henry, I ll call you back.
Excuse me. I have to geek out. I hadn't got a chance to say something earlier, but it's suck an honor to meet you.
Thank you. - Rebecca Walters.
Hi. When I was a kid it was all about top story with Gale Weathers.
You were my 90s! Well, it's Gale Riley now.
You gave it all for love, I know that. How long have you and Dewey been married?
Ten years. Oh, just like your characters in s*ab 3. Wow!
Wow...
I didn't mean "bad wow", it's just, it always seemed like more of a horror movie romance than a real one because it was a movie, and in real life it should never be.
Uh, dug a hole. Climbing out, here. So anyway, Kudos on being brave enough to drop off the professional map. Any plans on revitalizing your tarnished brand Listen, in about 2 seconds I am gonna revitalize your face... with my tarnished brand.
I still got it.
Uhm, tasty.
She's so pretty. When you think about what she survived. She must have scars everywhere.
Shhhh, Come on.
Her mom is my sister. I have scars too. None ever asks me about my scars.
I am sorry Mrs Roberts. She means nice scars, mom.
Oh, well. Fine.
How are you? How's Gale? I am alright. But Gale, it's been hard on her. Small town. Small town husband. Not much to write about.
You two ok? Well, i read somewhere once "Just when you think things can't get any worse, sometimes they don't...Sometimes, they get better.", Out of Darkness by Sidney Prescott, page 220.
Gotta get going.
It's nice to see you, Dewey. Been thru a lot together. We ll get thru this too, ok?
I ll go.
Be good. It's ok. Relax, relax. It's just me.
What the hell are you doing here? There are cops right out front. No match for the ninja, baby.
Anyway, what are you doing in the house of Sidney Prescott? I mean, that's like being on Top Chef with Jeffrey Dahmer.
Can you please get away from the window? You've no right to be in here. Not anymore.
Hang on. I heard you got a phone call from the k*ller. Is that true?
And you care? Don't you think it'd be a lot safer with me around?
I don't trust you, Trevor. Hey. I am just gonna have to make sure that you do. Alright?
Oh, sorry, I didn't... No, he's just leaving. Its...it's my ex.
Oh. - Yeah, the one and only.
Hi. Hi.
It's cool to meet you...officially. I keep meaning to pick up a copy of your book, but...
You re smaller in person.
What? Nothing, you just, ehm, you remind me of me.
Lock your window, ok? Yeah, goodnight.
Night.
Sorry about that. Just making my rounds before taking off. Great, thanks.
You don't remember me, do you? Sorry?
We went to High School together. Judy Hicks?
We had the same Homeroom in. Drama club too. We were in Peter Pan together. I played a Lost Boy.
You were... Tiger Lily. I am sorry, it was a long time ago.
It's ok, ehm. You had a lot of stuff going on back then.
Well, it's nice to see you again, Judy. You too.
- Everything ok upstairs? You re supposed to be out front, Perkins.
4 letter word for...courage? Uh, guts.
It's Olivia Morris, she lives next door. She's on the list. She can live next door to me.
Now seriously, ehm, Mary I am warning you, ok? I am gonna have to get physical. I mean it. This is it! Just f*ck off!
Hello? What are you guys up to?
Uhm, we re watching Shaun of the Dead. You know there's two zombies sitting outside your house in a car?
Yeah, they are cops. You wanna come up? Angel of Death leave?
No, she's in the guest room. Forget it. Next door is close enough.
Your mom home? She's at her boyfriend's. It's creepier in here tonight.
No, the zombies are still in their car, so you should be alright.
Call me tomorrow, ok? Right.
She wanna come up? She fears the Reaper.
Watch this.
Who's speaking? What's your favorite scary movie, Olivia?
It's the worst imitation I've ever heard, Jill. Speaking of s*ab, you heard where the s*ab- a- thon's gonna be at?
No. It doesn't matter to me anyways, mom doesn't let me go.
It's Trevor, I'll handle this. Trevor is calling...again.
-What do you want? I wanna talk to Jill.
Uhm, no it's Kirby. Sorry, Trevor, Jill is screening her calls from all past relationships.
-What's going on over there? Hang on one sec. What is he saying?
- I am not Trevor. W-What? I can barely hear you, Trevor.
- This isn't Trevor. Oh, oh, alright. Then why do you have his phone?
Whoever this is. He's trying to do Ghostface. He's being weird.
I wanna talk to Jill. Ok, well, she doesn't want to talk to you.
Come on, Mr Ghostface, whisper to me. Aren't you supposed to ask me a question?
- Alright. How's the movie? What movie?
- Shaun of the Dead. How did you know that?
- Because I'm standing in the closet. Stop, you're not.
What's going on? Trevor is being weird.
I mean, if it is him, I dunno. What?
- This is not f*cking Trevor! Well, then who the f*ck are you?
- Open the closet door. You do know there are cops all over this house?
I think that I have just enough time to slice someone open.
I'll talk to him. Shhhhhh.
What's going on over there, you guys? -
S-Sorry, I dunno. Kirby? -Shhhhhh.
S-Sorry, I-I dunno. Kirby? Shhhh.
- Kirby. Come on, do it.
- There is no way you re in there. See for yourself.
Kirby? Kirby, come on, talk to me. This isn't funny! Kirby!
- Liar. I am over this. I never said I was in your closet.
Oh my God!
Olivia! - Oh my God!
Help, in my house!
No!
No. No!
- Hoss! Olivia!
Perkins!
sh*t.
- What? Welcome home Sidney. Preview of coming events.
- Why don't you come for me? You got the balls for that? Oh, poor Sidney. You think this is all about you?
- You think you're still the star. This isn't a f*cking movie!
- It will be. - These are innocent people.
Spare me the lecture! You've done very well by all this blood shed, haven't you? How about the town you left behind?
I ve got plans for you. I am gonna slit your eyelids in half so you don't blink when I s*ab you in the face.
You'll die when I want you to, Sidney. Not a moment before. Until then, you re going to suffer.
Sidney! Jill? Stay right there.
Is she... Do not look, ok?
She said you were the Angel of Death. Look out!
Come look. Look over there. He's in here.
Where is he? He was...
- What's your status? Jill?
Don't.
What happened? Oh my God, Jill.
Jesus. Your hon, 'Vis. Baby, baby. Come here. Come on, let's go, let's go. Let's get care of you, right?
Jill? Oh my God. Are you ok? Give me a hand.
Keep your pressure on it. There's somebody back there.
Call it in. Right.
Hey, are you ok? You should look upstairs.
Let's get the corners and rub around these.
Thought this was over!
It's all your fault, Sidney.
Just like her mother!
I am sorry of what I said.
Shouldn't you get that looked at? Yeah.
What the hell happened? Ok, I saw him going to that yard, two houses down, right before.
A-A-And I circled around to cut him off. And?
And I met Hoss coming from the other direction. No, he must have circled back around somehow. He's like a ghost.
Chief, we're sorry. We feel terrible.
Alright. Get outta here.
This is Hall Pass with Robbie Mercer webcasting live in our darkest hour.
What began as a day of remembrance, has ended with a serial m*rder.
Olivia Morris, who officially would never go out with me, is dead. So is Jenny Randall and Marnie Cooper.
Our local legacy, the s*ab movies, is coming to life.
Excuse me, are you recording with that thing? My video blog upload. He's webcasting right now.
Mind turning it off? A little old school, off the record? Can't. Owe it to my audience.
Turn the f*cking thing off. Ok...
So, you two are the boys who run the movie club at Woodsboro High, huh?
Oh, Charlie rents it. I'm just VP, in case he takes a b*llet. It's called Cinema Club.
So you must have a very unique insight into the movie buffs at your school? Maybe.
What if we could catch the k*ller, by working together?
Two generations of cutting edge journalists intertwining our passions for media.
What would you say? I love you?
Very good. Now, you give me your expertise on the gore geek scene at Woodsboro High and maybe I give you something in return Say, a celebrity visit to your Cinema Club...by me? What about Sidney?
What about Sidney? Hey, you know her, right? I am you're friends with her?
No offense but, that'd be a big deal for some of the club. A visit from Sidney Prescott, I mean, she's the star.
Uh, yes she's Daniel Radcliffe to my J.K. Rowling.
When was the bookshelf in the box office? - Never.
There's no broken bones. I think you'll be fine. Maybe just take a couple weeks off.
So, Sidney...Uh, ouh. Anyway, long story short , Random wants to lock you into 3 more books, now.
See the blank line in your contract? You can name your phrase.
And as soon as you re clear in this investigation, we re on the next plane to New York.
I booked Today, The View, Nancy Grace, MTV News. Excuse me, can I...can I ask you a question?
Did you read my book? Thought I'd wait for the movie.
Book tour is over. - Sidney. Accept your situation. You re a victim, for life. So, embrace it, use it.
I know you care about your readers. All those little down-trodden fucks that just need a light at the end of their tunnels so they don't jump off a bridge. And a lucky break like this? I am talking a 100 percent increase in sales, minimum.
That's maybe a million more people getting your message and you get a ton more checks. Win-win.
I won't be needing you anymore. Sidney!
You re fired. Fired?
Fired! Fine.
"What do you think about my book, Rebecca?"
The problem of Sidney is she never gets laid. Or even a little sh*t faced once in a while.
She'll call me at 9 to apologize. Just watch.
She'll come around. Gotta just give her time. Sidney will come....around.
- This is Rebecca. Sidney Prescott, please. I am handling Ms Prescott's calls and appearances. May I take a message?
You are the message. Are you writing this down? Yes, I am.
But, it's kinda hard to hear you. I'm in a hospital, with Sidney. If you can just hang on one second.
I've got time. It's you that doesn't.
You know, Rebecca, it doesn't sound to me like you re in the hospital.
Sounds like you re in a parking garage. A dark and deserted parking garage.
But if you wanna be in the hospital, I'd be happy to put you there. In the morgue!
Help! Help! Save me!
Cut and run, you f*cking bastard.
This is an ongoing investigation. But rest assured, we re pursuing a number of leads.
-Sheriff The less I say about that, the better.
So, I'm taking questions.
Dewey! Gale?
Any comment on the fact that these killings seem to resemble the pattern of the original Woodsboro murders?
Hun? Later!
What was that, Sheriff?
As I was saying...my officers are hard at work.
We just want the community to know that we re very close to bringing this whole situation under control.
Hey, someone! Get up to the top of the structure! Go! Go!
- Everyone back! Stay back! Back, nobody move!
Jenkins, I want a man on this stairwell.
- You see anybody? Nobody out there.
There's nobody out there, Sheriff!
It's all under control huh, Sheriff? But what am I supposed to say?
Listen, I may not be wearing a uniform, but I happen to have a lead and you don't.
So let me know when you re back on Team Gale.
Move back, I am the Sheriff.
Ok, Cinema Club, we re not in session. Welcome. I'll tell you a little bit about ourselves.
We re a sanctioned after school activity, one rung below the Glee club, two above Nintendo Wii Fit and let me just say to our guest , Sidney Prescott, it's an honor.
Beyond Jamie Lee Curtis, forget Linda Blair, I mean, this is the ultimate.
Thanks, I-I guess. This, uhm...you film your entire High School experience and what, post it on the net?
Everybody will be doing it someday, Sid. It's kind of the one component the k*ller is missing.
Wait, what do you mean? Well, if you wanna be the new "new version", the k*ller should be filming the murders.
That's like the natural next step in the psycho slasher innovation. I mean you film em all real time and then before you get caught, you upload em into cyberspace. Making your art as immortal as you.
Not to implicate him... Not to implicate me...
-So who do you think is behind the murders? Well, it's a s*ab fanatic, clearly.
Working on less of a Screquel and more of a Screamake. Copyrighted terms, by the way.
Cos all there are now are remakes. Only horror the studios green-light.
I mean, there are still rules, but the rules have changed. The unexpected is the new cliché.
Yeah, you gotta have an opening sequence that blows the doors off done with some flashy music video direction. And the kills gotta be way more extreme.
Modern audiences got savvy to the rules of the originals, so the reversals become the new standard.
In fact, the only surefire way to survive a modern horror movie, you pretty much have to be gay.
So, why are you so sure that the k*ller is working by the rules of a horror remake? Well, the original s*ab structure is pretty apparent.
Two kids k*lled in a house while their parents are away. And then the school's "hot chick" savaged beyond recognition.
We all know where it goes from there... A party.
Exactly. A party. Guaranteed third act main cast blood bath. Fingers crossed on some nudity for a change.
Ok, do you know of a party that's happening tonight? Well, there's s*ab- a- thon.
s*ab- a- thon? Uh, It's a movie marathon. All 7 Stabs back to back. We do it every year.
Is tonight? There's a k*ller out there patterning his murders after the original movie. I know, it's pretty wild.
We have to call it off.
Uhm, ok, I mean, it's Friday. I am sure we re not the only party that's going on at Woodsboro.
But where is this circle-jerk gonna take place? So, let's ready for this Q&A.
No, no. I really want the location. You know, it's kind of an underground thing. Email invites. Pretty secret.
What, you re not gonna tell me? Really? We re working together. Remember?
So you re ready for the Q&A? f*ck you. Let's go.
That was awesome.
Nobody comes to the house unless we say so. Got it.
I feel like I'm under house arrest.
You know when people say "I know how you feel", but you know they re just saying that because they really have no freaking idea how you feel? I know how you feel.
I am so sorry about Olivia.
I am sorry about your publicist.
How do you handle it, people staring at you all the time? People stare at me?
I could never handle that kind of attention. I just feel like it would take over your whole life.
Uh, all I do is I...try not to think about me. I have people I care about. I focus on them.
And the rest, uhm, it works out.
You saved my life last night. I mean, I know we re family but... you heard a thing on me.
Makes me wonder, you know, if I'd be brave enough to do the same thing.
I really hope you never have to find that out.
Oh, if you need me, you know where to find me.
I'll be up in my cell, oh, I mean, my room.
Our rooms are boarded up. That's the view from my cell. It's really weird.
I think Olivia would understand, ok? She'd want me to be around other people.
Holy sh*t. Even if I did just crash land on planet dork.
Speaking of which, Trevor's here. Hey, Kirby.
-What is he doing there? That is so not his scene. I have no idea, maybe he thought you would be here.
Yeah, fat chance. After what happened last night? I mean, my mum is just completely freaked out.
-It's not prim. Alright, you go do your good girl thing and I'll drink for the both of us.
I will keep you posted. Alright, be safe.
s*ab-a-thon! s*ab-a-thon!
Thank you! Thank you. Gracias. Gracias. Shhhh.
Cinema Club thanks you for coming up for our third annual s*ab-a-thon.
Thank you, number-3-thon. We thank you in rows.
Are you ready to drink every time someone can't get a cellphone signal? Yeah!
Are you ready to drink every time someone shuts the refrigerator door and, oh my God, there's the harmless character right behind it?
Yeah!
-Are you ready to drink every time somebody screams the word.... No!
Let's get the s*ab-athon started!
Ghostface!
Get out in 5!
Move your ass!
Screw you!
Yes!
Uh, Yeah. Back on my game.
Perfect. New work in progress, chapter 1.
When I moved to Woodsboro, I never in a million years dreamed that I would again play the critical role...
...in solving another series of these...
What the hell?
Gale, where are you? I followed the kids to the s*ab-a-thon.
There's an old abandoned farm on 4th Dylan Road. Listen, I-I got it under surveillance, but I think the k*ller is about to make his move.
What makes you so sure? You do a remake to outdo the original, that's what the kids said.
This party is all about the s*ab movies. Come on, how meta can you get?
How "what the.." can you get? I dunno, I heard em say it.
Dewey, listen to me, you have to get out here. Come on, you catch the k*ller, I get the story. It's a win-win.
Well, I thought you were going rogue, Gale. Oh come..are you serious? C'mon!
Forget it. Thanks for having faith in me! I gotta fix my equipment. Gale!
sh*t.
Bravo, well...very well done, very, I'm very impressed. Kind of. Kinda impressed. Not Really.
That'll do. - Yeah? - Yeah.
Yeah, she wants you. Yeah. Yeah.
Nooooooo!
Ghostface.....
- Hello? Hello.
- Who is this? Were you expecting somebody now?
You know, I don't even know you... ...and I dislike you already.
Hicks, how far are you from 4th Dylan Road? 5 minutes at the most, Sir.
Well, step on it.
Look out your window.
Gale! Gale, behind you!
No!
Gale!
Freeze!
Get out of the way, you morons!
Dammit.
Ok, put pressure on that. Did you catch him?
No, hopefully your cameras got something. They weren't the only ones, Dewey.
What? There's a webcam... set back there.
He was watching me. A webcam?
He's recording the murders. What?
This time... he's making the movie.
This Sidney Prescott detail man, I don't like it.
The cops scouting the house, they always get it.
What are you talking about? It's a movie cop rule.
Sucks to be a cop in a movie. Unless you re Bruce Willis. Not all cops die in movies.
No, but if it's your last day before retirement you do.
If you re a rookie, some with a wife who's pregnant, you do.
Or if your partner is better looking than you, you do, and by the way, I win that one.
You know what, I'll take the next perimeter. I'll be right back.
sh*t.
I know this one, you re not supposed to say that, are you? Eh, new decade, new rules.
You know, these days, you might come back, find me dead. Eyes gouged out, tongue sticking out. Could go either way.
I gotta learn this sh*t. Eh, I'll take this one.
Hey, Hoss. Be careful. I am always careful.
Dead man walking.
Perkins, was there a window open on your last perimeter check? Perkins, come in. Over.
Anthony?
Perkins?
Dammit. You should have seen the look on your face, rookie.
Hoss! What the f*ck!
Holy sh*t...
Hoss!
f*ck Bruce Willis!
Sorry. The wind chimes were over here. It was me, I was trying to fix em, sorry.
I am just back the store. Were you shopping?
A stress buster. I got one more bag in the car. I'll be right back.
Jill, you re gonna get that?
- Roberts residence. You re a survivor, aren't you, Sidney?
Your one and only skill: You survive. Well, I have one question for you.
What good did to be a survivor in this little drama if everyone close to you is dead?
- Who are you? Turn on the TV to channel 6.
- Who the f*ck are you? Turn it on. Watch the teaser.
...But it nearly turned deadly tonight, with the latest victim of this att*ck being the wife of the Woodsboro Sheriff...
...Gale Riley, AKA Gale Weathers, who's in serious condition tonight after being stabbed. Her assailant then disappeared... in a sea of identic.... - Glad you came home, Sidney. Has it been worth it yet?
- Why are you doing this? Ah, friends count, but it's the family ties that cut deep. Am I right?
- What do you mean? The ones you care about most. And what's closer than family?
- The bond of blood. Don't.
You can't save them. All you can do is watch.
Jill!
Kate! Sid?
She's not in her room. Oh my God.
She's gone at Kirby's. You gotta call her, get her back here. Ok.
- Come on, Jill! Leave a message.
She's not picking up. What's going on? The k*ller called, he's coming after me. But he wants my family first.
Oh God, Jill... Let's get the cops.
The cops aren't there. What?
They were there when I first came in, but they re not there now. Let's get to Kirby's.
Out the front.
Press up on the bottom. Can you?
Let's get out of here.
Kate, come on! Kate!
Tell Jill I am so sorry... No, no, no, no, shhhh...
Kate...
Hicks. What are you doing? I just saw somebody coming around the side of the house.
Where are Hoss and Perkins? I couldn't get em on the radio.
Whose blood is that? Is...Is Kate's, we were just att*cked. She's dead.
Where is she? The front door.
Show me. Ok.
Stay here. Ok.
This is Deputy Hicks. I've got a homicide at the Roberts residence. No sign of Perkins or Hoss.
Copy that. We'll try to locate em. I'm so sorry.
You're gonna be fine, alright? I swear. No more on your own. It's you and me, forever.
Easy.
Dewey. Yeah?
Promise me something. Anything.
Catch that m*therf*cker. Absolutely. I love you.
I love you.
It was chaos. Utter chaos. I can't believe that.
The Sheriff's wife, man. She told us to cancel it and we didn't and now this? What are we supposed to do?
Robbie, calm down. It makes sense.
This is about the reboots too. They-they-they one up the original ending.
"The Woodsboro murders" ended at a party, so in the remake... ...The party is the false ending. New rules.
Exactly. Ok, no offense guys but I'm gonna put in s*ab 7.
Yes... Nobody cancels my film festival.
Wohaa, I don't wanna watch that. Not after what happened to Olivia. Oh, come on. It was her favorite.
Oh, wow Kirby. You have some classics here. Yep.
"Suspiria","Don't look now"... You know it. I can trivia your ass under the table, cinema boy.
Oh, yeah? Who played Leatherface first? Gunnar Hansen.
Wow, did you feel that?
The charge that moved between us, then? Oh, that was me. I have powers.
So sexy...
You guys are unbelievable. You re playing f*cking trivia games? The cops are gonna come for us, they are gonna shut down my website.
-We re so dead! Yeah. I agree.
Jesus Christ, where did you come from? The front door. By the way Kirby, with everything that's going on right now...
...you probably shouldn't leave that unlocked. Sorry...
And...May I ask what the hell are you doing here? Why, didn't I find the after-party?
No, you found the Anti-party and it's invitation only. Yeah, well, I got an invitation. From Jill.
So, what's the story? What?
You sent me a text message.After-party at Kirby's house. I mean, it was from your phone.
What do you mean, from my phone? Oh, where is my phone? I think I left it in your car, I didn't text him.
I didn't text you. And I'll prove it!
So, Charlie, Robbie, how does it feel to be accessories to a crime, huh?
I mean, really? Dewey's wife? My life is over.
So which one of you guys sent me a text message from Jill's phone, huh?
W-We re just supposed to accept that you re telling the truth? Isn't your phone missing?
Got a new one. Really? Oh, that's incredibly convenient.
Dewey, it's Hicks. What's up?
Kate Roberts is dead. Huh?
And Sidney fled the scene. What, what happened to Kate?
She was stabbed, just like the others. And what about Jill?
No sign of her at all Where the hell were Hoss and Perkins?
They were found dead in their car two blocks away. Multiple s*ab wounds.
Ok. I'm on my way. Yes, Sir.
- Wrong number. Who was that?
- Oh, nobody. Did you pick a movie?
- Yeah, we re gonna go scary: Saw IV. Oh, I saw that in theaters. It sucks.
It's not scary, it's gross. I hate all that t*rture p*rn sh*t.
Why, angry feel.
- Well, I like Jigsaw. I think he kills people very creatively. But she don't give a sh*t who dies...
...cos there's no character to fill a man. It's just body parts whipping and blood spewing...
Charlie, you wanna sit next to me?
Alright...Get ready for a Hall Pass with Robbie Mercer extra. Now tonight, there is a good chance that Charlie Walker, yes, my Charlie Walker, may get lucky with a girl. Now I'm unable to , to publish my exact location, however, suffice it to say...
Woodsboro High may be in store for some geek history. We'll see.
Hello?
Who's there?
Oh my God.
- Where are you going? To make sure the front door is locked.
- No, don't open it. You're overreacting.
Hey, Charlie. Yeah?
I'm sorry, I know you re into the movie and all , but...now would be a really good time to make a move.
For me to make a move? -Mhh mhh.
Couldn't you make a move? I just did.
Cos you re actually pretty cute. Especially when I'm scared...and lonely...and drunk.
Ehi, guys. Did...did you see Jill, coming? I didn't see her outside. Yes, Trevor. She is upstairs.
Thank God you re here to protect her when you can't even find her.
- There's nobody out here. Oh, dude. I love this part of the movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- What is it say? Just when you think they're all safe and comfortable in the house Ghostface comes in and bang!
Did I interrupt something for you? Shut the f*ck up. Who invited you, Trevor?
Alright. Clearly not you. Wow.
I'm moving upstairs. Get out of my house!
Ehi, ok, I'm a little drunk so, don't blame your Internet connection.
Let's see what Charlie is up to, shall we? Or the saga of Trevor and Jill...
Oh, intrigue of Woodsboro High. Who needs to k*ll around with so much drama?
Oh, man...
Yeah... That's better.
Wait, no!. You can't, you can't, there's rules.
I-I-I'm gay, I'm gay. I mean, if it helps...
...some random girl who gets a call that undoubtedly ends up getting her k*lled.
It's all so predictable. There's no element of surprise. You can see ev...
Kirby! So, my phone was up in your room. There was no text message sent to Trevor. He is such a liar.
Where is he? What do you mean, where is he, he just went upstairs looking for you.
He's not upstairs. Trevor! Charlie! Robbie!
Maybe they are outside.
Jill...................................... No, it's ok, just I need you to come with me. Sidney! I am sorry, I should have told you and mom where I was going.
Come with me right now, ok? Run.
Robbie!
Go!
Sidney!
Come on!
The balcony! There's no other way out?
We can jump? It's two stories. Where's your cell? Get under the bed.
What? Just do what I say. Get under the bed and don't make a sound and don't come out till I come get you.
Just go. Trust me! Ok.
You got it? You ok? Jill, run. Just keep running. Get out!
Hello? Dewey!
Sidney, where are you? I'm at Kirby's. The k*ller is here, I need your help.
I'm on my way. Ok.
Sid! Sidney!
I need all units to 329 Whispering Lane. All units! 329 Whispering Lane!
Sorry, it's just me. Look, I tried to call 911 with the land line instead, but someone smashed the router.
I think I called them myself Well, where's Jill?
Go, go, go, go!
There's a room down there. We can lock ourselves in.
I heard you yelling to Jill. Did she get away? I think she's safe.
Kirby, let me in! Charlie...
No, no, no, no, no, don't. I just found Robbie. It's...It's just his blood, please.
Please, there is someone else out here. Let me in. If you can't trust him, don't open the door.
My God! Let me in! Get away from the door, Charlie.
Kirby, it's me! Please let me in! Get away from the door, Charlie!
It's me! I'm sorry, I can't...
What the f*ck... I am sorry.
Behind you! Look out!
No, no, no, no, no!
Kirby!
Oh, no, God, no. He's...Leave him alone!
Leave him alone!
- It's Charlie's phone. Tell Sidney heads are gonna roll tonight. Tell Sidney it's all because of her.
- Or maybe she wants into his place. I promise to be quick. It's him.
Ok, I'm gonna get Jill, she should be in the same place. Just-just keep him on the phone, I'll be right back ok?
- Let him go, please... I hear you like horror movies, Kirby. But do you like em so much as him?
- Forget watching s*ab. You get to live it. No, no, no, no, no. He's the expert, it's not me.
- Warm up question: Jason's w*apon? Uh, it's a machete.
- There, you see? You do know the genre. Michael Mayers? Uh, butcher Kn*fe.
Leatherface? A chainsaw. Please...
- Just ask Sidney if you need some help. Freddy Krueger? Uh, uh, razor hands.
- Name the movie that started the slasher craze: "Halloween", "Texas Chainsaw m*ssacre", "The Last House on the Left" or "Psycho"?
"Psycho". None of the above. "Peeping Tom". 1960, directed by Michael Powell.
- First movie to ever put the audience in the k*ller's POV. Wait, wait. No, no, no, no.
- Please, just ask me one more question, just one more. Alright, Kirby. Then it's time for your last chance question.
- Name the remake of the groundbreaking horror movie in which the villain...
"Halloween", "Texas Chainsaw", "Dawn of the Dead", "The Hills Have Eyes", "The Amityville Horror", "The Last House on the Left"
"Friday the 13th", "A Nightmare on Elm Street", "My Bloody Valentine", "When a Stranger Calls", "Prom Night"
"Black Christmas", "House of Wax", "The Fog", uh, "Piranha". It's one of those, right? Right?!
I got it right. I was f*cking right!
Jill?
I won, Charlie. I f*cking won. I won. He tried to b*at me, but I f*cking won. It's so great...
Wait, I'm almost there. Just hang tight. Kirby? This is making a move.
4 years of classes together and you notice me now? You stupid bitch! It's too late!
-Shh, shhhh, I know, I know. It's ok, take your time.
Doesn't happen as fast as it does in the movies, honey. Charlie...
Kirby?
You know, you learn the law when you watch the movies over and over.
All the plots are about trying to k*ll you.
Where's Jill? Oh, you think she's gonna get away? You think anyone gets away?
Jill? Hello, Sidney. Surprised?
Watch this. This is the part when, dear cousin, the cameras...turn off.
Charlie? Want her taken care of.
Then I got great footage in my Robbie k*ll. Better than Jenny and Marnie or Olivia even.
Good. We'll cut and upload it later. Make it all traceable to Trevor.
Speaking of which...Remind you of anything?
Jill, please... Shut up! d*ck.
Everything I learned, I learned from you. You think you had a shitty boyfriend, Sidney?
Here's one that fucks you, dumps you and doesn't even make you famous. What the f*ck, Jill, I loved you!
Shut the f*ck up, already!
Sure those cops wanted you to have this, Jill. For your protection.
Put it dow...
Ehi, please. Shouldn't have k*lled all those people; Trev. Gone and put it on video even.
But it means a lot that you did it for me. What the f*ck are you talking about?
I am NOT the girl you cheat on.
I've gone thru everything. We're definitely good on timeline. Oh, yeah. We're perfect.
No, no, no. Please.
Ready for act 3?
Have figured it out yet, Sidney? Keeping it to our remake theme, Trevor is this generation's Billy Loomis and we're the innocent victims: Sidney and Randy.
See, with you, the world just heard about what happened but with us, they're gonna see it.
It's gonna be a worldwide sensation. And people gotta see this sh*t. It's not like anyone reads anymore.
I gonna know fame like you never even dreamed of.
Last two teenagers standing. This time Randy gets the girl. You're amazing. And you're the perfect victim.
I was so believable today, wasn't I? I mean, I told so many lies, I actually started to believe them. I really think that I was born for this.
How could you do this? Do you know what it was like growing up in this family?
Related to you? I mean, all I ever heard was: Sidney this and Sidney that, and Sidney, Sidney, Sidney.
You were always so f*cking special! Well, now I am the special one. You'll slip, they always do.
Come on, Charlie. Let's go on with this. You have to be strong and hold still. Ok? Yeah, yeah, old school, like Billy and Stu. Come on, baby, get it up. Come on.
Shoulder me, shoulder me, shoulder me. Get it up!
Not the way we rehearsed it.
You said it, Charlie: Billy and Stu. Trevor and you.
What the media really loves, baby, is a sole survivor. Just ask you know who. Trevor was your partner and you, you were the idea man.
Even your friends? My friends? What world are you living in? I don't need friends. I need fans.
Don't you get it?! This has never been about k*lling you. It's about...becoming you.
I mean, for f*ck's sake, my own mother had to die, no great loss there, so I could stay true to the original.
It's sick, right? Well sick is the new sane. You had your 15 minutes, no I want mine!
I mean, what am I supposed to do? Go to college, grad school, work? Look around, we all live in public now, we re all on the Internet.
How do you think people become famous anymore? You don't have to achieve anything. You just gotta have f*cked up sh*t happen to you.
So, you do have to die Sid. Those are the rules. New movie, new franchise. There's only room for one lead and, let's face it, your ingenue days, they are over.
Don't tell me you didn't know this day would come.
Oh, f*ck!
Come on! Let's move in!
Check the rooms, both sides and upstairs. Yes Ma'm.
Jill can you give us a description...Over here...Jill...Jill, how does it feel to be a hero?...
Jill. You made it. That's all that matters. True, Charlie and Trev tried to k*ll me.
And I heard they k*lled my mom. And Robbie and Kirby too. Shhh. Just lay back. Try to rest.
Is-is your wife... She's gonna be fine. She's tough.
If I ever write a book one day I'd, I'd want her to write it with me. It'd be a good team with our matching wounds and all.
We're survivors now. I just wish Sidney was too. Jill, they re not sure yet. It's still touch and go.
But she's in ICU (intensive care unit) and they think Sidney just might make it.
What? I mean, I saw Trevor k*ll her. Look, we don't know yet. But she's hanging on.
I-I-I wanna se her. She's not awake yet. And, she may not remember anything. You'll have to help her with that.
All in time. Just get some rest now, ok?
She gonna be ok? Yeah, she's a strong kid.
She's gonna have to be. She asked if you were ok. She thinks you guys should write a book together.
With your matching wounds. Why, she was stabbed in the shoulder?
How did she know I was too? sh*t!
You just won't die, will ya? Who are you, Michael f*cking Mayers? Yeah, I don't think so.
f*cking die already!
How are those stitches?
Sidney!
Hicks, get to the Sidney Prescott's room and call for backup! Be right up, Sir.
Sid? Sid. Dewey!
Is this how it's gonna be, Sid? The ending of the movie was supposed to be at the house. I mean, this is just...silly.
Consider this an alternate ending. You're not gonna get out of this, Jill.
Of course I will. Dewey?
Sid...
Easy..Wait, wait. What about the book? Looks like I'll just have to write it myself.
Goddammit!
Don't even think about sh**ting or I'll blow Dewey's head off.
What, you think I won't do it? Give me your g*n! Do it.
You just had to be the hero, huh? Give me your g*n.
What are you, deaf? Give me...your g*n.
And get up. And keep your hands over your head. Don't do anything stupi...
Don't f*cking tell me what to do.
Oh, God... Now, get up bitch.
Ok. Get up. Now!
Ok... Come on. Let's go. Get your skinny ass out here.
Ok... I'm gonna enjoy blowing your head off.
Ok, but can I just have one final word? What? Please?
No...
Clear. Clear?
Clear!
You forgot the first rule of remakes, Jill: Don't f*ck with the original.
Oh my God, Dewey. Uh, what hit me?
Don't ask. You ok?
She was standing right behind? They always are.
Oh, God... Nice one.
Hicks, you're alive? Wear the vest, save your chest.
I got two officers down, several injuries and a new suspect.
We need a doctor, Goddammit!
I dunno about you, but I feel a whole lot better.
We're live at Woodsboro Community Hospital, awaiting a first public statement from Jill Roberts, survivor.
...a survivor of what is now being called "the Woodsboro m*ssacre reboot"...
...Jill Roberts is her name. A name the whole world will now know...
...who single-handedly put a stop to this 21st century Woodsboro k*lling spree...
...Jill Roberts of Woodsboro, a girl who's lifted all our spirits tonight. An American hero, right out of the movies.
Scream 4 (2011)
Moderator: Maskath3